The Believer

Silvana’s start in music was raw, loud and passionate. ‘Go kiss your f*cking swastika’ she rapped in one of her early songs, often performing in a balaclava. ‘You say my love is breaking the law. I say you have a super thin dick.’ Silvana had a reason to be angry. Being a gay woman from an immigrant family, with a Lithuanian mother and a Syrian father, put her in the position of an outsider, even in modern-day Sweden.

In the end, she won. Her 2016 album ‘Naturkraft’ won Silvana the artist of the year

award at the Swedish Grammis. At the Gaygala ceremony she was announced as ‘gay of the year’. Silvana received the award from the hands of Anni-Frid Lyngstad, a member of the legendary pop group ABBA.

Her partnership with artist Beatrice Eli set an example for young gay women in Sweden not be afraid of who they are. Silvana’s and Beatrice’s love and art story is also depicted in the documentary Silvana: Wake Me Up When You’re Awake, directed by Mika Gustafson, Olivia Kastebring, and Christina Tsiobanelis—a trio that followed Silvana’s every step for two years.

When I saw her in Lithuania, the country where Silvana was born and grew up as a child, I was moved by her bravery. At the opening ceremony of the Vilnius Film Festival, in which Silvana: Wake Me Up When You’re Awake was screened, she was presented as a ‘provocative artist’. Instead of answering the host’s questions, she started to raise questions herself. ‘What is so provocative about my ideas?’, she asked, and talked about why people should resist the rules of patriarchy and why it’s crucial to support local queer community.

I’ve been to the festival opening four years in a row and never before was the event so political, and yet so humane. Silvana remembered her Lithuanian language, started talking in a local accent, and overcame the barrier between

the stage and the audience. Her ideas, seen as radical by Lithuania’s mainstream, were accepted as a new norm—at least for those few hours when Silvana was in the room.

Silvana wouldn’t be able to bring her ‘lesbian revolution’ to the minds of so many if she didn’t trust in herself, her family, and her community. Before the concert in Stockholm, in which she presented songs from her new album ‘Helig Moder’ (‘Holy Mother’), I called Silvana to find out how she learned to trust herself and others.

Trust in herself

‘I believe in myself. I always have. I think it’s just something in me. I’ve gotten this question a lot of times—‘How come you have this confidence in yourself?’ But I can’t explain it. I just believe in my power to change. And I get inspiration from the people around me. I’m careful with whom I surround myself with. That is very important. You just feel whether you can trust that person. You don’t choose your friends, you become friends.’

‘YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE. OTHERWISE, YOU MIGHT AS WELL DIE.’

Trust in her family

‘When I was growing up I didn’t have friends. My sister was my best friend. She helped me get through a lot of bullshit in life. With my mother, the relationship grew into something. Some people say ‘My mother is my best friend!’ It’s not like that for me. We are mother and daughter. It’s a different kind of relationship. But she has always supported me. That made me stronger. Trusting your family is really important. But if your family is abusing you, I’m not gonna tell you to trust them. Because it’s wrong to abuse another person. If this happens to you, seek friends, seek something new. I don’t believe that we have to stick to each other just because we are related by blood. No. I believe in good relationships, not blood relationships. Because we are all related. We are all people.’

Trust in the LGBTQ community

‘The people of our community have to trust each other because we are a minority. We have to stick together because we don’t have power in the government or in other positions of power. When your group gains power, then you can start questioning it. Because power per se is not good. But right now, the power belongs to patriarchy. We have to be united to fight it.’

Trust in humanity

‘I think it’s possible to regain trust. If a person proves to you that you can trust them, you can. Don’t stick to old habits and old prejudices. If a person changes, then you can start something new. I believe that people can change for the better. You have to believe. Otherwise, what’s the purpose of anything? I might as well die if I didn’t. You have to believe in the goodness of people. That is crucially important for your own sake, and for the world’s.’

Hear the conversation with Silvana Imam in Vilnius for NYLA podcast at nyla.lt

Text by Karolis Vyšniauskas