Coaches and Words:
Encouraging or Reckless? by Carey Casey, CEO & President of Championship Fathering
How do you respond when a player messes up?
“ A player’s entire outlook on life could be shaped in part by what you say—for better or for worse.”
We all probably have some negative images that we could conjure up involving coaches after a player has turned the ball over or let his man get free for an easy layup. Quite a few coaches will get in the player’s face, wide-eyed and furious, as they scream obscenities. And the people sitting next to the court are probably squirming in their seats. Of course, there are good examples as well, like when Georgetown’s Fred Brown threw a pass right to North Carolina’s James Worthy at the end of the 1982 championship game. I was happy because Carolina is my school, but more than that, I’ll never forget the image of John Thompson going over and putting his arm around Brown. And we later learned what Thompson said to him: “You’ve won more games than you’ve lost.” As a coach and as a dad, your words are tools, and there’s great power in those tools. One proverb says, “Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” Let me challenge you in 3 areas: Watch the profanity. When my friend Tony Dungy was a head coach, he asked all his assistant coaches to not use profanity. Some people told him he was too soft, too nice to win; he needed to curse and be harsh with his players. I think he proved those people wrong, and another successful coach, Herm Edwards, takes a similar stand. Just because certain language seems appropriate in certain situations in our culture, that doesn’t mean it’s the best option for us with our players.
The opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of the NABC.
14
|
FALL 2021
Now, I know that many of us were coached by men who used lots of profanity. Also, it’s clear that coaches and players have relationships that go beyond the court during games. Maybe they have a fantastic, supportive thing going and what we see only happens during intense situations. Maybe a harsher approach just “works” for certain coaches in some circumstances. Again, it’s very difficult for me to see that as the best approach for any player.
Watch your tone as well. Often, it’s how we say something that’s the most damaging. We might intentionally come off as irritated, so a player knows how much his mistake has bothered us or hurt the team. Maybe we think somehow our disappointment is going to motivate him to do better. You know the difference between a tone that tears down and a tone that respects. In an encouraging atmosphere, even criticism can be delivered in a positive, hopeful way. Remember the power of your influence. You can bet that your players will remember many of your statements for years to come. When I played football in high school, I used to run back punts and kick-offs. I’m in my sixties now, and I can vividly remember a few times when our team was behind or it was a close game, and our coach instilled great confidence in me through his words. As I stood back there waiting for the ball, I’d hear him say, “We need one, Carey. Run it back for us.” Even in those short statements, he showed that he believed in me, and he was depending on me, and his words helped me focus, dig a little deeper, and reach for excellence. I believe your words have more power than you realize, and things said in heated moments—good and bad—stick with young people. You can be challenging and inspiring, like my coach often was. Or you can be reckless with your words. Have you ever heard yourself say something like, “What are you thinking!?” or “Can’t you do anything right?” Those kinds of statements can break a kid’s spirit or at least leave a lasting mark. A player’s entire outlook on life could be shaped in part by what you say—for better or for worse. Please do all you can to use words that build up, encourage and inspire them. Carey Casey is CEO, President, and the author of Championship Fathering. He has also authored the book Championship Grandfathering: How to Build a Winning Legacy and is the general editor of the book 21-Day Dad’s Challenge: Three Weeks to a Better Relationship with Your Kids. Carey and his wife Melanie live in Chicago. They are the parents of four children and have nine grandchildren. www.ChampionshipFathering.org
NABC
|
TIME-OUT
