simple
IDENTITY A shift from who I was, who I thought I would become, who I did become, who I am, who I am becoming, and who I will be.
INGREDIENTS
A compilation of my personal impressions regarding the many years since my adoption in the United States as a South Korean Adoptee. In this reflection I have prepared a memoir of my thoughts and reactions to my adoption and how it has shaped me into the young adult I am today.
I hope to inspire and uphold the beauty behind international adoption. Within this journal, I review my general upbringing and my relationship with my adopted family. I further my self exploration by analysing my moments of self doubt and questions pertaining to my identity. I think about how I have matured, and how I turned frustration into accepted acknowledgement. I end with a look into my future goals and aspirations.
1 me, myself, and i. the basics
3 resolutions. anger to acceptance
2 identity crisis. who the hell am i?
4 days ahead. future aspirations
me, my SELF, and i THE BASICS
1
08 july 1992
I was born outside of Seoul, South Korea during the autumn of November 1990. I was moved around between family members and organisations before I was placed up for adoption. At the age of nineteen months, I was finally adopted by a family living in Indianapolis, Indiana. In July I flew to the United States to be greeted by my new mother, father, older sister, and grandparents. They met me with open arms.
TH EY G U I D E M E, PR OVI D E F OR M E, AN D M OST OF ALL, S U PP ORT M E.
A cache of ups and downs, questions and answers, constant doubts and uncertaintities, mixed emotions, confidence to none. I can’t pin point much of anything in my life and I wouldn’t change a thing about it.
TH IS WOU LD B E TH E MOST LI FE CHANG I NG MOM E NT I N MY E NTI R E LI FE
“You did what you knew how to do and when you knew better you did better.� maya angelo I recognized my strengths and weaknesses at a young age. Art, music, and sports engulfed my youth. I was encouraged to always try new things and work hard at them. I discovered my own comfortable level of perfection that I strived for. I aimed for self fulfillment and happiness.
identity CRISIS WHO THE HELL AM I?
2
I didn’t know how to control these u n c e r t a i n t i e s .
D U R I N G M O M E NTS O F U NH AP PIN ESS I self analyzed and
I BLAMED MY ADOPTION. reflected until I felt that my head would e xplode
I felt a lot of conflict at a young age. I don’t believe I understood or appreciated my upbringing the way I do now. When there were disruptions in my youth, I often blamed my adoption. I was always very restless and anxious and I didn’t know what to do or how to control it or why I even was feeling this way. I needed to find ways to feel in control of my environment and the emotions I was feeling. Conquering these problems became this long journey for self acceptance.
When I was younger, there was lack of self understanding so there was a lack of questions and vise versa. When I was in middle school and high school I learned simple and subtle ways to gain control. Rearranging my room, sneaking out at night, or going for walks without destinations became my temporary cure-alls. I could do all these little things, but at the end of the day, I lacked something and it was always these endless frustrations that I fell asleep with.
Sylvia Plath
I can never read all the books I want; I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want. I can never train myself in all the skills I want and why do i want? I want to live and feel all the shades, tones and variations of mental and physical experience possible in life. And I am horribly limited.
re SOLUTIONS ANGER TO ACCEPTANCE
3
MY R E STLE SS N E MY E AG E R N E S S T I E N C O U NTE R E D M O M E NTS WH E R E I R EJ ECTE D MY I D E NT ITY AN D U P B R I N G I N G.
Instead of blame I started to embrace the things I used to dislike. The restlessness and anxiousness I experienced was soon controlled. I knew how to settle the uneaseness. I had the opportunity to study abroad and it provided me an insight on the way I view myself and my identity. I became this undefined girl from the United States with an American first name, a Korean middle name, and a Greek last name. I was defined as exotic. It was a new experience for me to witness that not only was I different but I could be loved and accepted for exactly those differences. I owe a lot to the friends I made in Europe; they gave me a renewed sense of confidence and purpose. I felt at home.
E S S F U E LE D TO T RAV E L . My heritage has always been questioned, mocked,
These reactions inspired within me a choice to either be bitter or accepting. I went with a route that masked inner aversion and turned unfavourable situations into moments of laughter and informalities. my skin became tougher and I learned to find the silver lining in my roots.
admired, rejected, and accepted.
Never take yourself too seriously.
days AHEAD FUTURE ASPIRATIONS
4
E X PLOR E R AWAR E LEAR N I N G PIAN I ST D E D I CATE D DESIGNER N OSTALG I C LOYAL
ATH LETE CR EATIVE PH I LOS OPH E R TRAVE LE R ARTI ST CU R I OU S
I A M AN OPTI M I ST I have adopted a lifestyle that satisfies me mentally, physically, and emotionally. I hope in the future I may continue the line of adoption that is in my family. International adoption provided me with endless opportunities and I hope I can give the same security to a child in need. Adoption changed my life and I believe every child should have the same chances I have had. I am really proud of who I have become. I am self aware and I often times compile word lists associated with myself and where I am currently. I have experiences all sorts of personal upsets and achievements that have pushed me down and built me up. My adoption provided me both disciplines, but I’ve learned to be accepting and optimistic. Sometimes, I like to think that my original flight from South Korea to the United States enstilled this love for travel and movement. I believe I am a natural traveler. I love flying and the way the engines rumble and roar. I love the vibrations of the engine and the sighs from the passengers. The sense of relief and sadness as I feel the wheels unfold from the plane to conclude another well traveled adventure. Sometimes, I wish I could always be traveling so I could always be learning and networking and breathing new air.
I N C O N C LUS I O N If I wasn’t adopted the number of opportunities available for me would be decreased dramatically. I am thankful for the way my life turned out. I am most thankful for my family and friends accepting me for who I am and who I am becoming and who I will be.