OVERCOME SELF-DOUBT

How to CONQUER YOUR SELF-DOUBT in meetings

Turn that niggling voice in your head into one that champions your worthiness to be heard.

EVER LEFT A MEETING AND WANTED TO KICK YOURSELF for not raising your hand to share your thoughts? Or you spoke, but your voice sounded like a whisper and all you saw was eyes glazing over around you. It can be disheartening seeing how your selfdoubt gets in the way of participating in group meetings. The good news is that self-doubt is a mental mountain you can conquer with the right attitude and steps.

Note to self: you are worthy!

“Self-doubt stems from us confusing esteem and confidence,” says Telana Simpson, courage coach and founder of Inner Coaching. “This confusion results in us constructing our sense of self conditionally,” she explains. When your

sense of self-worth rides on how you are seen, self-doubt can creep in and take over. You can easily default to holding back from speaking, and shrinking away because you don’t think you’re enough, hindering your development. How often do you hear of someone who shrunk away and still got the promotion, praise for their contribution to a project, or recognition among their louder, prouder peers?

Practice builds confidence

“If we don’t understand that confidence comes from practice, we expect ourselves to be ‘perfect’ straight away, and all the time,” explains Simpson. An unrealistic expectation, right? The reality is that few people speak confidently without having had loads of practice (which includes mishaps along the way). If you find yourself envying your colleagues’ cool and confident delivery in meetings, use it to understand your own picture of success, suggests Simpson. “Envy can show you what you would like in your own life, or want to develop within yourself, and what is important to you,” she elaborates. Treat it as a trigger to show you what is possible. “If someone else can have that level of outward confidence, then it is humanly possible for you to achieve it, too,” notes Simpson.

How to give self-doubt the boot

» GET OUT FROM UNDER YOUR OWN SPOTLIGHT When you’re speaking in a meeting, you trick yourself into believing that all eyes, ears and minds are on you and nothing else. Not true! “People may be looking at you and listening, but they are just trying to understand your message, and more likely have their own issues about speaking up, so they are focused on their own stuff,” says Simpson. Instead of angling that spotlight on yourself, turn it to focus on your message. “If your attention is on your message, and not on yourself, your focus is then on the topic at hand, and not on your inner experience from speaking up,” says Simpson. Practising this will ‘starve’ your self-consciousness, which is an important step in growing your confidence. » PREPARE AND SAY ‘BYE-BYE’ TO NERVES A healthy dose of nerves can make for a more engaging delivery. However, there’s no harm in preparing by setting aside time ahead to distil your thoughts and strategise how to maximise your audience’s attention and get them engaged in what you have to say.

» YOU ARE YOUR GREATEST COMPETITOR “When we compare ourselves to ourselves, we can acknowledge where we did things well and celebrate this, which reinforces these accomplishments,” says Simpson. Taking

stock of where you still need to improve makes a difference as opposed to measuring yourself against others’ abilities. If you find you battle with an inner critic, let that voice morph into your most supportive friend as you grow your confidence. “When we speak to ourselves honestly yet supportively, we gain the value of holding ourselves to a high standard, but not beating ourselves up when we need support and encouragement,” says Simpson.

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If we don’t understand that confidence comes from practice, we expect ourselves to be ‘perfect’ straight away.

Look forward to the rewards

Being intentional about tracking your own growth can offer great value to your sense of selfconfidence in meetings, as Simpson notes: “When we do this, we enjoy the growth that comes from learning, and we embrace ‘failures’ as feedback moments. These are moments where we separate ourselves from our doing, and can take the feedback in a way that helps us learn to do better next time.”