16 minute read
Girl Crush: How to Be Authentic in a Fake World
BY ANASTASIA BROWN | PHOTOS BY ALAINA MULLIN
I begin the process of shaping each Girl Crush column with a personal burning question in my soul. When the topic that my heart wants to explore reveals itself, I reach out to women with experiences relative to the subject on my mind. My final choices are women who not only relate to what I want to share, but those willing to reveal their own struggles and journeys. This can be extremely personal, which is why my sources are typically courageous and authentic above all else.
Alaina Mullin
Story-Seeking Starts with My Own Discovery
In December I was able to spoil myself with a mental therapy spa week for my heart, soul and mind at Onsite. This amazing facility based in Tennessee offers workshops and retreats for all types of situations and trauma. Their specialists help attendees to not only deal with difficult times and mindsets, but to uncover the healing process method for the individual. It is life changing and unlike any other discovery program. At Onsite, I learned that living with integrity meant having a life where my insides matched my outside. Before this, I believed that living with integrity meant being honest in words, intentions, and actions. The true meaning stopped me in my tracks. Every family is different, and we are all faced with challenges. For me, when life was most painful, elders became most “cheery” and “large.” I remember when I was young having witnessed tears one day, and then the next day cheers. I didn’t process it completely, but I noticed every loud inflection and “illusionary story telling” intently. Fast forward to my adulthood’s knee-jerk reactions whenever intrenched in great despair. My coping was leaning into a behavior similar to what I had witnessed with my parents and grandparents. “All is well in the neighborhood,” is the safe mask most humans use as protective armor. So, after gaining new awareness at Onsite, I considered authentic women in my sphere to interview. The first is Susan Nadler. I admired her work from afar as a young, female artist manager and A&R executive in the 90’s. Once a convicted drug smuggler with a record spending time in a Mexican prison, she went on to become one of the first female record label heads in history. I knew her story was going to be worth sharing no matter what.
Susan introduced me to Keith Meacham last year. Keith had already transformed a section of Harlem’s education system. When we met, that was behind her, but it was obvious from her behavior that she was on a recognizable path of integrity. This is a similar path to the one I have identified and chosen, making her a perfect fit for this edition of Girl Crush.
Susan Nadler Rebel & Music Row Legend
Alaina Mullin
Growing Up With a Dream to Be an Outlaw
If you have listened to Susan Nadler’s podcast, “Shady Ladies of Music Row,” you will have a hint of her big personality. If you haven’t heard it yet, it’s time to tune in. She shares many stories and career tidbits. After listening, I couldn’t wait to get a one-onone account of her history. She dove right into the hardest timeswhat many would describe as rock bottom (referring to her prison stint). “When I got out of prison and I came home, it was so obvious that my father couldn’t stand me. There was basically nothing I could do to win him over. He had come to Mexico to pick me up from of prison. My mother had a nervous breakdown and family members blamed me for everything bad happening, even their divorce,” Susan emotionally recalls. I know they wanted to know where they had gone wrong. She grew up in a middle class, Jewish home in Pittsburg. It was a safe and happy environment, yet she dreamed of being an outlaw starting at the age of 13. This is when her season of crime began, first by shoplifting at her local drug store. It only escalated from there.
In Susan’s junior year at the University of Wisconsin, she traveled to Israel for an archeological dig. On the trip, she met her future husband, Giora Oppenheimer, a Hebrew University of Jerusalem student. The romance combined with her longing to be a “desperado” led her into a dark world centered around hashish. She began to use first, and then advanced her interest towards smuggling the drug into America for resale.
A Need for Redemption
Susan’s drug-based marriage ended abruptly a year later, but she continued to live a life as a rebel. Leaving Israel and moving to Baja, Mexico, she and a friend were planning on smuggling 500 kilos of hashish into America. “It was a gorgeous day in Mexico, but I still felt anxious. In the pit of my stomach I knew some sort of karma was about to bite me in the ass. I could sense that halcyon days of daydreaming and drug dealing were over,” Susan admits. Her intuition was right. That day, twenty Mexican police officers and a group of American DEA agents kicked down her apartment door.
Her memory recalls someone grabbing her arms and screaming “girl, you are the first bust by the DEA!” She felt the vomit rise in her throat as all of the men pulled out machine guns. A cowboy-hatwearing Federales started chopping up her furniture and incorrectly shouting, “opium, opium.” The smell of hashish filled the room and then handcuffs came out. When I asked Susan if she felt authentic during those dangerous times, she really pondered and replied honestly, “I felt like I was trying to be somebody that I wasn’t, I was rebelling against my middle-class life. It seemed sexy for some reason. No one knew the damage that drugs could do back in the 60’s and 70’s.”
While lying on a dirt floor in a Mexican cell, it dawned on Susan just how serious this was. The intrigue evaporated, bringing her to tears. “All I could do is look up to the sky and cry out for God’s forgiveness. I thought to myself, ‘my father, after Israel, will never forgive me.’ Like that, I changed forever.” She was sentenced to serve 27 years in a Mexican prison, which is an unimaginable fate. Somehow her prayers must have worked because the legal process based on the prosecution’s inexperience with this type of charge (it being the first bust of this type) allowed her to not to even serve the first full year. Her infuriated father had gotten the right legal help and she was to be set free.
A New Chapter
After being released from prison in just six months, she ended up moving to Nashville. It was a logical place to live as a writer; her autobiography The Butterfly Convention had just been released and she started freelance reporting for The Tennessean. It was now 1976, and she went on to marry a songwriter. She spent considerable time on Music Row over the next few years. In 1988 she met female publicist and her future business partner, Evelyn Shriver. They developed a close relationship and went on to work on publicity with Tammy Wynette, Bobby Blue Bland, Farm Aid and to manage Lorrie Morgan’s career. This led to Evelyn and Susan going on to be the first females to run a music label in Nashville as they successfully operated and grew Asylum Records. Susan’s “rebel” reputation, stunning beauty, and wicked sense of humor served as a magnet for the “outlaws” of country music as she made friends on the Row; signing George Jones, smoking weed with Willie Nelson, and booking some of the biggest artists at the time on the PBS-TV show “Soundstage.” After getting what she calls a “straight job,” she still smoked pot for years. “I didn’t know what I was doing or think about consequences. When high, I felt magical,” she shares. Susan didn’t realize it, but internally she was moving towards her authentic self. “One day it dawned on me that I didn’t need drugs to feel cool. I imagined what I could have accomplished if I was not so messed up all the time.” Susan shares that when wearing different “masks,” through substances to cover up emotions, they actually increased anxiety. After shedding the drug habit, she felt less afraid and paranoid. “Realizing that creating an illusion or putting on a show for others was exhausting was a turning point. I now trust my intuition and appreciate the people in my life much more than I used to,” she says.
Even after her vast accomplishments in transforming the local music scene and inspiring women like me to dream big along the way, she is still ready to accomplish more. The podcast she created with Evelyn called ‘Shady Ladies of Music Row,” has generated quite a buzz. At the moment, I am working with Susan to develop a scripted TV series about her life. It’s going to be fantastic. With a new 20/20 vision for life and look-forward attitude, I predict there is no stopping her. I can’t wait to see what transpires in this Shady Lady’s next, next chapter!
Keith Meacham NYC Education | Transformer, Wife, Mother & Southern Entrepreneur
Alaina Mullin
Lessons in Listening, Learning and Living
When mentioning Keith Meacham’s name around town (well, any town actually), it’s not unusual for people to think first of her Pulitzer Prize winning husband, Jon Meacham. His name and face frequent MSNBC, book jackets and all types of news and media happenings. His beautiful and savvy wife is often right there by his side in support. But don’t think she’s just someone’s wife. This savvy southern girl has quite the story that is all her own. I was enamored with her presence before and thrilled when she agreed to participate in my personal journey to uncover stories in Girl Crush. We laughed, she shared, I learned. The experience in getting to know Keith and her journey is quite the inspiration, and it all starts with a love story.
On Being a Mrs.
The Meacham’s story starts when she is 18. I love it because it began due to her intelligence. Jon was attending The University of the South. The Dean of Admissions at the university was hopeful in recruiting Keith to enroll at the university the next year. He engaged Jon, his young, bright student to help. The dean requested that Jon “impress the smart girl from Mississippi” at a recruitment reception. When Jon was trying to seek out that “smart girl,” as directed, he looked for her and saw this “really pretty girl” across the room. He decided to pause his search for the smart girl from Mississippi to talk with the pretty girl (typical college boy thought process). He quickly discovered that the student that he was assigned to recruit was the pretty young woman he had been eyeing all night. In that moment they had what you could describe as a “he may be” and “she may be” – “my soul mate” moment. In fact, Keith returned home from that weekend telling her mother, “Mama, I met the kind of man I would like to marry.” I’ll never forget saying that to my mother,” says Keith as she looks back at that pivotal moment of her life. “We proceeded to write letters to each other for seven years. Talk about putting forth your “Instagram self” before it actually existed. That was us. We were so dorky, trying to impress each other at 18 and 19,” she laughs. They went on to fall in love, building a life together.
Fast forward 10 years, they’re married, living in the Big Apple and thriving. Keith’s career in education flourishes and Jon’s as the Editor-in-Chief of Newsweek explodes. His position involves having to be constantly ‘on’ in the public eye. Their life was far from typical, with invitations to dinners with the likes of Tom Brokaw, Barbara Walters, Henry Kissinger, and other luminaries of the media biz rolling in. There were times when Keith says she “felt like an interloper at the table” and this wasn’t typically characteristic for her, as she’d always been comfortable in her own skin. “I was in my early twenties and so worried about not embarrassing myself in front of these impressive people,” she reveals, “I just forgot to listen.” The hosts of these parties were star-studded, intellectual, and political luminaries. They were often keen to ignite “table talk” or “gen-con,” which, in the local vernacular means “general conversation,” including the whole table about a topic of political interest. In the early days “I went to those dinners living in fear that I would have to speak about the news of the day when I knew a fraction of what everyone else did about what was going on. Being so self-conscious meant I missed opportunities for some fascinating conversations. Way too many years into our New York life I learned that when I felt nervous, I should talk less and listen more,” she recalls. Over time, Keith realized that having the interest to listen intently is just as respected and appreciated as being adept in expressing brilliant thoughts.
As she explained that process of coming into her own when dealing with people at the top of their professional game, I was reminded of something my grandmother from Latvia, Anastajia Cakste, always reminded me of growing up. “Anastasia, you have two ears and one mouth which means you listen more than you talk,” she would say. Clearly no matter what the situation, listening is important for all of us.
Life Changes
When print news began to implode and they were raising three children, priorities started to shift. Newsweek sold, and Keith and Jon found themselves with a choice to stay in New York or to make a change. They asked themselves real life questions such as “Do we want to raise our kids in NYC?” and “Is it okay ‘just’ to pursue a career as a writer?” Having a love for the south running in their veins, treasuring summer vacation time at their summer house in Sewanee near Jon’s beloved college, they opted to relocate to Nashville in 2012 to live closer to family and to give their kids some “grass and a dog.” Shortly after moving to Nashville, Keith helped a former colleague (and great friend) launch Homer Learning, an education technology company that developed apps that help kids learn to read. She worked grueling hours from a WeWorks office in Nashville, telecommuting to the New York office and spending 3 to 4 days a month in the city. Six years later, after moving, commuting to New York, Skyping, and what seemed like never-ending conference calls, Keith and her co-founders sold the company, and she made a big decision to quit her job “with no safety net of a new job to catch the fall.” It was a hard one – time to say goodbye to her 20-year career in education. “I believed that I had to have a job. It’s always been a big part of my sense of myself, to work at my own thing, something independent from my kids and Jon. I didn’t want to get lost as just a mom and wife. It really was terrifying to think about giving it up. So, I stayed longer than I should have, doing something that wasn’t making me happy in the end” Keith admits.
“In New York, what you did could feel more important than who you were,” she reflects. Yet, withdrawing from work and having this new space offered more than time. “Once I cut the NY umbilical cord, I was able to prioritize what was really important. My kids. My friends. My husband.” She even gave up drinking about a year ago. “My friend Julia Reed (Keith’s new business partner and best friend) has this great line, borrowed from a fabulous Mississippi friend, that we would use before having to go to a particularly tedious party. “I need to drink myself some energy and personality,” she laughs, referencing the need for a cocktail to loosen up. “I definitely still feel that way but cutting booze out of my life has been such a good thing for me. Jon hasn’t had a drink in 17 years, so I’m still new at it compared to him,” In reality, revealing one’s true self is a choice every day. Whether it’s wine, fashion, fame, wealth, career, a sense of humor, beauty, or power; any coping skill can serve as a mask to hide our vulnerability. I personally relate to all of the feelings she is describing. Why do we do that to ourselves? Before going through my Onsite workshop, I usually only felt valuable when extending help and favors to others, and when my career was flowing rather than ebbing. The entertainment industry can evoke just as much fear and anxiety as news and politics, at least in my world! In the end of my talk with the amazing Keith Meacham, I felt that I had gained some wisdom as well as empathy in a broad (and personal) sense. When we love ourselves, those around us on the same journey will come and remain in our world. It’s all about connections. That is the absolute truth in my experience.
Next Chapter
With lessons learned and life alterations that allow them to make the most of every day, Keith and her family are doing quite well in their Belle Meade home. The lovely Georgian style house is so lovely that it was featured in Elle Décor magazine in 2013. Not only is it a welcoming home, but she has turned her love for welcoming spaces and entertaining into a business with her partner and friend Julia Reed. Julia is well-known as a journalist, humorist, and authority on cooking and gracious southern living. The two women launched a business in 2018, collaborating with artists and makers from the South to create a gorgeous shopping and entertaining website and company. The most uplifting thing is that now Keith is putting her talents, taste, and experience to use with a true passion project, Reed Smythe & Company. They showcase gorgeous things for the home and table, as well as personal stories that involve entertaining.
The site (reedsmythe.com) also features an entertaining blog, where you can even enjoy stories from Jon on occasion. One to watch for is his ‘Crabmeat Caucus’ where he shared details of escapades in their New York days, “back in the Clinton administration,” when Julia and Keith would cook up a soiree for any occasion, always featuring an “enormous silver bowl of crabmeat” – hence the name Jon has bestowed on Julia and Keith. It’s not every day that you have a globally awarded historian contributing to a blog on hosting, and that’s the cool part. It’s unique to them. Whether posts are written by Julia, Keith (or even Jon), it’s obvious that they are all having fun and embracing life in the South. Reed Smythe allows Keith to be engaged but also present for all the people she loves. Today, she is engaged, hopeful and most of all grateful for the experiences and what the future holds.
