Victims of Spouse Abuse Katherine Loukopoulos

For a minute let’s close our eyes and try to imagine ‘The Primitive Man’. How did he live?

Victims of Spouse Abuse

Second Asian Post Graduate Course Tokiwa University Ibaraki Ken, Japan Lecture delivered on September 6, 1999 Katherine Loukopoulos, Forensic Psychologist

Cultural Perspective

Ithink we can all agree that the ‘Primitive Man’ must have been occupied with daily struggles to find adequate food, shelter from natural elements and protection from dangerous animals. We can imagine ‘survival of the fittest’ at its greatest. And this must have been true for both males and females. As Mankind survived through the eons, Man became a better hunter, he domesticated animals and plants, and he better protected his domain. To imagine the living conditions in those early years we can also imagine females who were strong, and the strongest of them, born children and lived long enough to raise them.

So, what happened? We have conquered our environment, we have domesticated and caged the most dangerous of animals, we conquered Space, cured diseases, conducted transplant medical operations, and have conquered the weather. Yet, we have not been able to conquer our anger and criminal behavior. Since ancient times Man was not able to live peacefully with his neighbours. For this reason, laws to govern his behavior came into being.

The earliest code of Laws, The Code of Hammurabi, was developed in order to control such human behavior. The Laws were clearly written, were immediately enforced and very little was left to debate. The Code of Hammurabi consisted of 282 Laws concerning property, animals and women. Women were the property of their fathers and later of their husbands.

If a woman, for example, did not give birth to sons, the husband could send her with her dowry back to her family. If a woman complained against her husband she was formally judged. If she was found guilty, her hands were tied and she was thrown into deep water. If the woman did not drown and she survived the ordeal, then she was considered innocent and could take her dowry and return to her father’s house. And so, women’s destinies have been decided by the Great Books such as the Bhagavad Gita, the Torah, The Bible, The Quran, and the opinions and contributions of many great Sages like The Apostles, Confucius and Lao – Tsu.

I have first-hand experience growing up in a strict traditional home. I can tell you that little girls as soon as they could walk and talk were systematically conditioned to believe that the greatest moment in their lives would be the moment they would marry. All girls were protected and strictly chaperoned to ensure their purity was maintained until the wedding night. If they were found not to be virgins, they were considered ‘damaged goods’ were returned to their homes and their marriages were nullified.

Nowadays we marry ‘for better or for worse, in sickness or in health, till death do us part’. In reality we are expected ‘to love, to honor and to obey’. These vows were imbedded deep into our souls. To divorce would be to fail. The burden of success lied solely on women’s shoulders. She was the keeper of a successful marriage, the mentor of good children and the caretaker of a clean and orderly home. Anything that went wrong, traditionally, was her fault, and so, she silently endured. After all, her mother and all the women in her family before her had done the same. Therefore, on the wedding day, on the height of the happiest day of her life, the family and guests ‘congratulated’ the groom and wished the bride ‘good luck’. If she is lucky indeed, her husband will not become alcoholic, unemployed, a gambler, a womanizer, verbally and / or physically abusive, nor would at some point abandon her for some younger and more vibrant woman.

Every nation, every city, every town, down to the smallest tribe, people are bound by their customs and traditions that have been passed on from generation to generation solidified by writings and teachings of Sages, Rulers and Holy Men. Most of us are creatures of habit, and as such, we follow the rules of the land even though we do not agree with all of them. We find ourselves bound by the ropes of culture. It is ironic to hold on to tradition and culture, while on the other hand, we push forward with science and technology.

With DNA testing we can force the courts to pay child support by a man who refuses to acknowledge that he is the father. When the evidence has not been destroyed or contaminated we can also prove rape and place rapists and child molesters behind bars. Inevitably, scientific advances gave us the power to break loose from the ropes of helplessness.

Legal Perspective

We are living in a time when great changes are taking place, and in some aspects, are emancipating our humanity. It began in the United States with the 1950s Human Rights movement and followed by the 1960s and 1970s Feminist Movement, and jointly began to kick open the doors of discrimination and inequality. All kind of ethnic minorities, African-Americans, women, the elderly, the handicapped, lesbians and gay voiced injustices and discriminations, and demanded humane and civilized treatment, equal pay for equal work, and to work in fields traditionally were exclusively held by white males, or by males in general.

We have recognized classified and defined types of victims and victimization. We have defined Spouse Abuse and realized there are many aspects of abuse which overlap. Social workers, family therapists, feminists, psychologists, criminologists, victimologists, police officers, prosecutors, judges, doctors and nurses, have tried to what constitutes abusive behavior.

Partner abuse arises from intimate relationships. Spouse abuse includes male and female victims who are legally married. Domestic disturbance is a police expression that describes abuse by members of same household. Domestic violence may also involve children, siblings, elders and other relatives living in the same household. Wife abuse refers to only the married female and the term woman battering includes all female victims. We also include and recognize husband abuse and husband battery, as men are victims of abuse as frequently as women.

In romantic relationships many people tolerate and often approve some level of fighting and quarrelling. Although there is no standard definition, we need to consider the seriousness of the assault, the assailant’s intentions, the actual physical injury inflicted, the depth of psychological trauma and specific acts. These acts can be pushing, shoving, pulling, dragging, shaking, ripping clothes, hitting with an open hand, punching with a closed fist, choking, biting, kicking and stomping, throwing an object, threatening and even using a weapon. Physical injuries may vary from bruises, swellings, cuts and scratches, dizziness, sprains, burns, loss of vision, loss of hearing, fractures, concussions, and other more serious wounds which require hospitalization, and those most serious which result in death.

We cannot so easily characterize the emotional pain and we cannot envision the long-term effects of emotional pain caused by the abuse of a loved one. (Loseke, 1989; Rhodes, 1992).

Abuse may even start at the dating stage. The cycle of violence begins at home from early childhood. Children imitate actions of their parents and other adults living in their household. As I was growing up, many times I said that I would never do this and I would never do that, but now that I am fully grown, I find myself doing things and being very much like my own mother, and other times very much like my own father.

‘We don’t know how often partners mentally and physically abuse each other. The data accumulated from Police Records is inaccurate because females do not report each abusive attack, and males almost never report such incidents.’

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We also know that external forces affect a fetus, for example, the physical and mental state of the mother. Children are like sponges and they absorb everything they see adults do and say. Our behaviors further become moulded and shaped by our educators and by our peers.

We don’t know how often partners mentally and physically abuse each other. The data accumulated from Police Records is inaccurate because females do not report each abusive attack, and males almost never report such incidents. Abuse takes place in all economic strata, all races and religions. The causes may be brought up most frequently by poverty, unemployment and by feelings of helplessness which lead to frustration, and therefore, to lash out to the closest person present.

The female may be young, unemployed, poorly educated and lives together, although not married, with a man of a different religious and ethnic background. The male may also be rather young, have a blue collar job, and may or may not have graduated from High School, beats his children, abuses alcohol and (maybe) other drugs and may even own a gun. She on the other hand, needs attention, affection and approval. She may be in danger for her life. This is the stereotypic scenario.

Then how do we explain the mental and physical abuse suffered by the wealthy, well-educated and elite professional families? Welleducated spouses may not lash out at each other as often as their poverty stricken counterparts, but abuse clearly does occur on all levels of society. The wealthy and the well to do, even the daughter of a former United States President, Maureen Reagan became a victim of spouse abuse. Her father, President Reagan, never knew the real causes of his daughter’s bruises until he read her book. (Bruni, 1989) We can imagine the stress and shame felt by Ms. Maureen Reagan, daughter of a president of one of the most powerful countries in the free world, who for a long time silently endured her husband’s abuse. Surely, if a president’s daughter finds the strength to eventually write about it in her book, other abused persons can speak out also.

The United States FBI’s Uniform Crime Report Data is of no assistance to us because assaults between intimates are not recorded in a separate category from other type of assaults. The National Crime Victimization Survey data indicate that women who report being assaulted by a mate one year are likely to report being physically abused again in later years. Police files reveal that the cycle of violence tends to escalate in frequency and severity over time. (Langan and Innes, 1986).

As of May 1998, the United States Army Military Police Report has been revised and a detailed reporting process has helped in more accurate data collection. Even improved Military Police Report procedures are useless if victims do not report domestic violence to the police.

Despite difficulties of data collection, domestic violence and spouse abuse is a serious problem. In the United States alone at least 6 million women are physically abused one or more times each year using the criterion of even being slapped just once. If we use the criterion of aggravated assaults by their partners it is estimated that 1.8 million women in the United States today are attacked each year. (Straus, 1991) In reality the numbers are much higher. About one million women each year seek medical attention for wounds inflicted by their husbands and male partners. Domestic violence poses the single greatest threat of injury to women between the ages of fifteen and forty-four. (Senate Committee on the Judiciary, 1993; Gibbs, 1993b) These statistics are greater than injuries incurred from automobile accidents.

The question remains, why does she stay? Traditionally there is the feeling of guilt having failed in her most important task of her life: her marriage. She may stay because she has become a victim, has been victimized repeatedly and has developed a ‘victim’s mentality’. She may be afraid: She has been intimidated, terrorized and she is afraid for her life. She may not know where to go to seek help. Often times her own mother who is very much aware of her daughter’s abuse will continue to press her daughter to stay in the marriage. She has been hurt over and over again, and she is aware of her husband or partner’s temper who has already threatened her with ‘she belongs to him, and if he cannot have her, no one else can have her either’.

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She may not have skills for adequate employment and she is at a loss on how to get away, how to start over and how to support herself and her children. Legal issues such as pressing charges, obtaining court order protection, legal aspects of divorce, child custody, alimony, educational matters such as returning to school, retraining for some type of work, writing a resume, searching for a job, dressing appropriately for a corporate world, seeking shelters to house them and protect them right after the abuse, all these things seem tantamount.

Following United Kingdom’s example in 1974, the first shelter for battered women was established in St. Paul, Minnesota, United States of America. Since then, shelters have sprung throughout the United States and in other countries. (Martin, 1976) In these shelters the abused wife or the battered girlfriend may find safety, clothes and transportation. There are shelters that provide an array of services to include professional counseling and even legal advice free of charge. In some shelters, there are basic courses on how to write a resume and how to start looking for employment. Most important and most essential is that there are professional people at the shelter who are there to listen and even escort the abused to the emergency room.

While very much is done for the abused female, there is still very little done to take care of abused males. The abused husband often suffers in silence. He has been taught to ‘take it like a man,' and is ashamed to report his wife to the police. Police officers may laugh and ridicule when a domestic violence call results in finding that the abused is a male. Cultures expect males to be strong and be able to take care of matters in their own household. Very few facilities are designed for men who want to run away from their abusive wives. In California, there is only one facility run by the Community United against Violence in San Francisco, an organization that assists gay men.

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Safety Measures

• Leave enough money and an extra set of car keys hidden outside your house or at a neighbor’s house. • Keep important documents such as birth certificates, passports, identification cards, medical records, marriage license and an extra set of clothes at a friend’s house. • Try to develop friendship with neighbors, telling those you can trust about the violence. Ask them to call the police if they hear suspicious noises coming from your house or apartment. • Develop a code word with two friends and let them know you need to get out NOW! Decide where you will go and how you will get there the next time your spouse becomes violent. Do this even if you don’t believe there will be a ‘next time’. • Avoid telling your partner you will leave if he/she ever hits you again, as this may be interpreted as permission to hit you just one more time. • Avoid arguments in the bathroom, garage, and kitchen, near weapons or other place with sharp objects and heavy equipment. • Take notice of expressions, body movements or anything your spouse says before an attack so you’ll know when to get away. • If you can sense tension is building up and you cannot safely leave try to keep your back toward an open space and not in a corner. • Always remember that you do not deserve to be hit. The violence tends to get worse without counseling and the danger is real. • Seek Family Counseling. • Leave the abusive spouse. • Call the police and make an official complaint. In the event of injuries a Police Report is necessary to file for

Victim Compensation. • Set up your own bank account without the knowledge of your abusive spouse. • Develop better communication with your abusive spouse. Tell him/her how you feel. Ask him/her to attend counseling together.

• Give up drinking alcohol. Alcohol is a contributing factor to domestic violence. • Plan and rehearse an escape route. • Improve your work skills. If you are not able to leave your home, take Correspondence and Distance Education

Courses to improve your chances of finding suitable employment. • Do away with all weapons in the home. • If you sense a possible argument draw the window curtains. A passer by could witness the violence and call the police. • Become physically fit.

‘Take notice of expressions, body movements or anything your spouse says before an attack so you’ll know when to get away.’

Bibliography

Original Image Source: Best-Wallpaper.net; Modified by Nasser Butt 2022

Bruni, F., “Maureen Reagan reveals husband beat her.” New York Post, 1989, April 3, p. 9.

Gibbs, N., “Til death do us part.” Time, 1993b, January 18, pp. 38 – 45.

Karmen, A., Crime Victims, An Introduction to Victimology, third edition, Wadsworth Publishing Company, 1996.

Langan, P., and Innes, C., BJS Special Report: Preventing domestic violence against women. Washington, DC: U.S. Department of Justice, 1986.

Loseke, D., “Violence is ‘violence’…or is it? The social construction of ‘wife abuse’ and public policy.” In J. Best (Ed.), Images of issues: Typifying contemporary social problems, New York: Aldine de Gruyter, 1989, pp. 191 – 206.

Martin, D., Battered Wives. San Francisco: Glide, 1976.

Rhodes, N., “The assessment of spousal abuse: An alternative to the conflict tactics scale.” In E. Viano (Ed.), Intimate Violence: Interdisciplinary perspectives, Washington, DC: Hemisphere Publishing, 1992, pp. 27 – 36.

Senate Committee on the Judiciary, Report: The Violence against Women Act 1993. Washington, DC: U.S. Senate, 1993.

Straus, M., “Conceptualization and Measurement of Battering: Implications for Public Policy.” In M. Steinman (Ed.), Woman Battering Policy Responses, Cincinnati: Anderson, 1991, pp. 19 – 42.