MICHAELEEN DOUCLEFF

Michaeleen Doucleff on

Ancient Teachings for Modern Parenting

by Julie Peterson

photo by Simone Anne

National Public Radio (NPR) science correspondent Michaeleen Doucleff literally searched the world to learn how to be a better parent. She learned how to raise kind and helpful children, and detailed the journey in a book, Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans. Doucleff learned the basics of parenting from experiences gathered with her 3-yearold daughter among the Maya in the Yucatan, the Inuit above the Arctic Circle and the Hadzabe in Tanzania. Th e huntergatherer parents that she encountered convinced Doucleff that modern parenting needs to be overhauled and that there is a path to healthier families.

What is wrong with 21st-century parenting?

Western parents have, in many ways, forgotten how to relate to children in a way that’s calm, peaceful and cooperative. We don’t really know how to cooperate with them or teach them how to cooperate with us.

Instead, our relationship with kids centers around control. I think this is a major reason for the epidemic of depression and anxiety among American children. Th ey have little autonomy, but they also feel disconnected from the parents because they don’t know how to cooperate with them. At the end of the day, kids are lonely.

For tens of thousands of years, parents learned how to be moms and dads from older people who lived in their homes or nearby. We’ve lost this social support and structure. Parents have to look for guidance from parenting “experts” online and in books. Unfortunately, these experts off er a narrow view of parenting styles, tools and methods.

What was the catalyst that led you to travel the world with a toddler to research parenting methods?

When my daughter Rosy was 2 years old, my husband and I were really struggling as parents. Rosy was having a lot of tantrums, which oft en included hitting and biting. I read a ton of books and blogs, and everything I tried seemed to make her tantrums worse.

Th en NPR sent me to a tiny Maya village in the Yucatan for a story about children’s attention. While I was there, the moms and dads showed me this whole other approach to parenting and relating to children, which is super gentle, calm and peaceful. Th ere’s no yelling, arguing, bickering or even nagging. Th e children are respectful to their parents, kind to their siblings and very helpful. I tried out a few of the elements with Rosy and I was stunned at how well they worked.

How did you choose the Maya, Inuit and Hadzabe communities?

In general, these three cultures excel in aspects of parenting with which Western culture really struggles. Th e Maya parents are incredibly skilled at raising helpful and cooperative children. Inuit parents have these wonderful and sophisticated tools for teaching children … how to control their