Caregiver Stress Tips For Those Sharing Caregiving for Your Aging Parents
Caring for aging parents can be a stressful experience. Read on for tips to make it easier on everyone involved. If you are currently caring for your aging parents, you can probably use all the help your siblings have to offer to minimize caregiver stress. I know cause I am in the exact same situation. My four brothers and my sister provide a tremendous amount of support, but there may also be challenging family dynamics to manage. In my case, we all live in the same area ( except one brother who lives in Europe with his family), but my sister was recently diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer, which means we have to jointly share in her caregiving as well. Your brothers and sisters can also provide a huge amount of support, but there may be challenging issues in your case as well. If so, keep reading to discover how to lighten your load and draw your family closer together by sharing caregiving responsibilities with your siblings. Try these strategies for working together as a team. Get The Logistics Under Control 1.
Coordinate and Communicate during family meetings. You may not be as lucky as I am to have your siblings in close proximity. But even if your family is spread out over long distances, try to gather in one place. That is really easy to do with Skype, and conference calls. Holding regular “virtual� family meetings to talk about how to care for your parents BEFORE an emergency arises, allows you to approach the subject with a clear head.
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2. Assign roles & responsibilities. If you are tempted to drift into old patterns, try to avoid doing that. The child who was labeled the responsible one growing up may automatically assume ( or be assigned) much of the decision making. Instead, each sibling should look at your current capabilities and contribute accordingly. In my case, one of my brothers is a doctor, so he is the “go to sibling” for all medical issues for our aging parents. On the other hand, I am an alternative health enthusiast, and I balance his “medical solutions” with a healthy does of my own “alternative options” in order to get the best results for our parents. My dad loves gardening and eating the fruits and veggies from his organic garden, so we would want him to be able to do that, in his own environment as long as possible. I am a firm believer in gardening as inexpensive stress relief therapy, but also to get nutrition and exercise in your own backyard! 3. Consult with the experts & professionals. If you do not have any sibling doctors, then you need to ask family physicians to help you find the resources you need. Pastors and social workers may be able to help too. If a geriatric care manager is available in your area, you should engage him or her to coordinate the planning process for the caregiving of your aging parents. A geriatric care manager could be instrumental if you and your siblings live far apart, or if you live far away from your parents. 4. Keep the lines of communication open. Talk with your brothers and sisters often about what you learn as you research issues about aging and caregiving. Give each other updates after you call or visit your parents. make sure everyone is in the loop and updated on all matters at all times. Email is an easy tool to keep everyone on the same page. 5. Maintain records. You may need to deal with some complicated medical, financial, and legal arrangements. Proper documentation can prevent misunderstandings and help you comply with applicable laws. Don’t disregard this area and end up in extensive and expensive battles with your siblings later. Its not worth the hassle and would do your parents memory a grave injustice! 6. Encourage independence. It’s important to remember that your mother and father want to maintain their independence for as long as possible. Look for ways to assist them that support their dignity. Installing safety bars around the shower is one adjustment that helps them to care for themselves. 7. Solicit Each Other’s help. This is not the time to develop super-woman syndrome. Call on your siblings when you need a hand. Be tactful and specific. You can let your brothers and sisters know that you need them to cover part of a medical bill without trying to make anyone feel guilty. I had to do something similar when we needed to share expenses for othe repairs on our parents home. I got the total figure involved and divided it by 5 ( we excluded my brother in Europe because we knew he was not in a position to help). That seems fair to everyone and we each contributed 20% of the total without any hassle. Get The Emotions Under Control 1. Come to terms with the reality of aging. Watching my parents grow older triggers uncomfortable thoughts about aging and death. It’s a subject that really difficult to discuss openly, because no one wants their parents to die. Still, I discussed the subject with my mom, by speaking about my own mortality and how I would not want to be a burden to my parents or siblings if I died before them. My mom and I then decided to get the death and burial insurance. If you have a tough time discussing or even thinking about aging and death, you should considers joining a support group or reading spiritual material that can help you to understand your feelings. Natural-Stress-Relief-Women.com
2. Sort out rivalries. You may find yourself competing for your mother’s attention or reliving old memories about how your father took your brother camping without you. Decide to let go of past conflicts or talk them over with your siblings. Settle any sibling rivalry issues and disputes with your siblings and give your parents that gift of seeing all of you united in caring for them as they age. 3. Accept and Respect differences. Each member of the family may have different opinions about the situation and unique ways of contributing. Accept that your sister may be more willing to pay for a gardener than to come over on weekends to do the yard work herself. 4. Set realistic goals. It can be difficult to juggle caregiving on top of all your other responsibilities. One of my brothers is the manager of the utilities company. Another brother is an high level public official and runs his own business. SO yes, we are all living busy lives. So its important to set realistic goals as to what we can comfortably, consistently, and realistically do. If you’re becoming overwhelmed with the responsibilities of caring for your aging parents, concentrate on the essentials. 5. Express compassion. This can be a challenging time for the whole family. Be gentle with yourself and your siblings as you take on new tasks. Let your parents know how grateful you are for the love and guidance they’ve provided. 6. Take a break. Taking time off will help you to sustain your strength. Ask your parents if they’d like to take senior aerobics classes at the local gym so you can spend Saturday morning with your kids. As the average lifespan increases, you may be able to enjoy your parents’ company for many more years than you expected. Advance planning and skillful communications will help you and your siblings to collaborate on caregiving to make this stage in your family’s life more joyful and meaningful. Please Share Your Thoughts In the comments below, share with us: 1. Share your experience of caring for an aged parent. 2. Do you have any tips of your own that have particularly helped you in the situation?
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