FAMILY STORIES

FAMILY STORIES Help Kids Cope During Tough Times

by Ronica O’Hara I n these challenging times as our and fewer behavior problems. After 9/11, children struggle to cope with a swiftly children that tested high in measures of changing world, one of the best things family narratives proved to be more resilwe can do is simply to let them know what ient and less stressed. strong stuff they come from. Decades of Family stories can be of loss—“Once research show that children that know we had it all”—or of triumph—“We came their family’s stories—especially how their up from nowhere”—but the most powerful parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and stories are those that show both the peaks other forebears overcame adversity—have and the valleys, the hilarious escapades the ability to handle societal and personal and deep losses. “Even simply hearing trauma better. what other people wish they could have

“Family stories help children feel safe, done differently helps to offer children a secure and grounded,” says psychology broader perspective to current experiencprofessor Robyn Fivush, Ph.D., director of es,” says Carrie Krawiec, a family therapist the Family Narratives Lab at Emory Uniat Birmingham Maple Clinic, in Troy, versity, in Atlanta. “The stories provide a Michigan. Accounts of the deepest trauma sense that they belong to something larger also prove formative: Knowing how their than themselves.” In the midst of unsettling great-grandparents survived the Holocaust events, she says it’s especially important for gave young adults a sense of gratitude, children to know that the family has been pride, courage and a greater religious through hard times before and persevered. commitment, a University of Pennsylvania

Emory research shows that children, study found. teens and young adults that know more Stories unfold easily at holiday of their family’s narratives have a greater dinners and during long car rides; even sense of control over their lives, more during an ordinary dinner, some kind of self-esteem, better grades, higher social story—“Guess what happened today at the competence, less anxiety and depression, store?”—occurs about every five minutes, Fivush’s research shows. But summer vacation or days spent together inside a house provide a special opportunity for kids to dive deeper into their family background. For example, they can write an essay about a grandparent or aunt, write and direct a play with siblings, make a scrapbook, read history or novels to study events that took place during a specific time period, write a song or story from the ancestor’s point of view, research and draw a family tree or create a mini-documentary based on an interview with an older relative.

This is the quiz used in family narrative research, but Fivush cautions that the 20 questions are only a starting point, and many more can be created. Nor does getting the facts exactly right matter—those can easily be in dispute among family members. “It is the telling, the sharing and the listening that is more important than the story itself,” she says.

Do you know how your parents met? Do you know where your mother grew up? Do you know where your father grew up? Do you know where some of your grandparents grew up? Do you know where some of your grandparents met? Do you know where your parents were married? Do you know what went on when you were being born? Do you know the source of your name? Do you know some things about what happened when your brothers or sisters were being born? Do you know which person in your family you look most like? Do you know which person in the family you act most like? Do you know some of the illnesses and injuries that your parents experienced when they were younger?