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Dedication …………… This book is dedicated to: all the brainwashed climate change believers out there who foolishly choose to believe scientists rather than do their own ‘research,’ with love ♡
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Table of Contents Climate Change Casserole……………………………………………………3 Perfect Pollution Paella………………………………………………………5 Mass Extinction Meat Enchiladas……………………………………………7 References……………………………………………………………………9 Reflection……………………………………………………………………11
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Climate Change Casserole Recipe courtesy of the failed 2015 Paris Climate Agreement
——————————————————————————————————————– Prep: 2021 years | Cook: 2054 years | Oven: 13.88°C + 0.4°C/yr
Ingredients: Serves 7.9 billion 1350 million metric tons burning coal 1400 million metric tons burning oil 1 mixed package (9-¾ ounces) glaciers 50 gigatons greenhouse gas emissions 33.1 billion metric tons CO2 emissions 7.1 gigatons methane 459 million metric tons nitrous oxide 197 million metric tons fluorinated gases
Directions: 1. Preheat oven to a global average of about 13.88°C. However, the starting temperature is not nearly as important as making sure to gradually and consistently increase the oven temperature. Many people will tell you it’s ideal to decrease the temperature by 1.5C every five years however those people are brainwashed and don’t believe in science. If you ignore all the fake recipes out there and listen to food scientists, you know it’s best to increase the temperature by 1.5C every five years. 2. In a 9x13-inch baking pan combine burning coal and burning oil. Drizzle with 2 tablespoons greenhouse gas emissions; toss gently to coat. These ingredients will create the first layer of your casserole. Coal and oil are great paired together because when burned they produce a lovely carbon dioxide taste that severely damages the ozone layer. This is absolutely essential because you want to make sure that future generations don’t get to enjoy making casseroles of their own. 3. For the next layer of the casserole, add carbon dioxide, nitrous oxide, and fluorinated gases. Personally, I like to source my CO2 emissions from non-renewable resources and NO2 emissions from nitrogenous fertilizers. 4. Finally, top with methane emissions—ethically sourced from livestock breathing in poor quality air outside 24/7—and a package of glaciers/sea ice. Bake uncovered for 2054 years or until sea levels have risen and all biodiversity is lost. Serve immediately.
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Perfect Pollution Paella Recipe courtesy of annual US Statistics
——————————————————————————————————————– Total prep and cooking time: 1 year (annually)
Ingredients: Serves 100 million individuals 14 billion pounds garbage 1.5 million metric tons of nitrogen 1 million dead seabirds 100,000 dead sea mammals 1.2 trillion gallons untreated sewage 1.3 million gallons of petroleum 386 marine fish species Directions: 1. Add 1.3 million gallons of petroleum to a skillet over medium heat. Chop up your choice of 14 billion pounds of garbage making sure to include a good variety of food wrappers, plastic bags, cigarette butts, and microplastics. Don’t worry about chopping your plastics up a little too finely as microplastics are just as harmful as, if not worse than, other ocean debris. 2. Add 1.2 trillion gallons of untreated sewage and stir. This will really start to thicken up your paella and bring it to the right consistency for forming Pacific garbage patches. 3. Then add your 1 million dead seabirds—cage-free of course—and cook for 15 minutes. I recommend purchasing pre-seasoned poultry that already has tar and oil stuck in its feathers to save time! 4. Finally, add 100,000 dead sea mammals, 386 marine fish species, and your ocean water. Stir gently over medium heat. A little-known fact is that eating fish that constantly ingest plastic debris is actually a great alternative to vaccines since it boosts your immunity without putting your kids at risk of developing autism. 5. Bake at 176°C till surface oil spills catch fire and kill fishermen—or until golden brown. 6. Garnish with 1.5 million metric tons of nitrogen pollution that will cause algal blooms that contaminate drinking water. Cover and let ocean temperatures cool down… oh wait.
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Mass Extinction Meat Empanadas Recipe courtesy of urbanization and the Industrial Revolution
——————————————————————————————————————– Total prep and cooking time: 1 year (annually)
Ingredients: 29,000 threatened land vertebrate species 70 mammalian species 80 bird species 25 reptilian species 150 amphibian species 160 fish species 600 plant species 10 million hectares “Deforestation Dough”TM Directions: 1. In a bowl break up mammalian, bird, reptilian, amphibian, and fish species into smaller and smaller pieces until you actually can't see them anymore because they’ve gone extinct. My preferred utensil for doing so is urban expansion because not only does it wipe out native species from the wild but also their habitats—kill two birds with one stone, literally! After all, if animals wanted to live in the Land of the Free they would pay taxes and rent like the rest of America. 2. Transfer this mixture to a 12-inch skillet and season with threatened land vertebrate species folded in gently to avoid harm. Add a pinch of extinct plant species to taste. 3. Cook on medium-high heat for 6 mins—one minute for each mass extinction. Let cool. 4. Knead readymade Deforestation Dough and clearcut it into circles so that not a single tree is in sight. You want the land to be as bare as possible so that rapid soil erosion and nutrient loss can occur (this is the secret to getting buttery, flaky layers in your empanada)! 5. Fill the empanadas far past carrying capacity, ignoring any signs of overpopulation. Crimp edges with a fork to create cute designs that distract from the fact that soon enough the homosapien species will go extinct too. 6. Normally the empanada would be refrigerated once filled, however at this point all ice caps have (thankfully) melted so we can just directly bake them for 30-40mins at 200°C. Fun serving suggestion: If any plant species at all remain, turn them into guacamole or salsa to serve as a dip with the empanadas.
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References: Climate Change Casserole: “Chicken Casserole.” Taste of Home, www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/chicken-casserole/. European Commission. “Causes of Climate Change.” Ec.europa.eu, https://ec.europa.eu/clima/climate-change/causes-climate-change_en US EPA, OAR. “Overview of Greenhouse Gases.” US EPA, 23 Dec. 2015, www.epa.gov/ghgemissions/overview-greenhouse-gases#f-gases.
Perfect Pollution Paella: Andrea Thompson - Climate Central 23 April 2010. “FAQ: The Science and History of Oil Spills.” Livescience.com, 23 Apr. 2010, www.livescience.com/9885-faq-science-history-oil-spills.html#:~:text=Q%3A%20How %20much%20oil%20is. DoSomething.org. “11 Facts about Pollution | DoSomething.org | Volunteer for Social Change.” Dosomething.org, 2010, www.dosomething.org/us/facts/11-facts-about-pollution. McInturf, Alexandra, and Matthew Savoca. “Hundreds of Fish Species, Including Many That Humans Eat, Are Consuming Plastic.” The Conversation, https://theconversation.com/hundreds-of-fish-species-including-many-that-humans-eat-ar e-consuming-plastic-154634 Program, NOS OR&R Marine Debris. “What Is Marine Debris? | OR&R’s Marine Debris Program.” Marinedebris.noaa.gov, https://marinedebris.noaa.gov/discover-marine-debris/what-marine-debris#:~:text=Our% 20trash%20has%20been%20found,wrappers%2C%20and%20derelict%20fishing%20gea r. 9
“Spanish Paella Recipe - Tastes Better from Scratch.” Tastesbetterfromscratch.com, https://tastesbetterfromscratch.com/paella/ US EPA, OW. “The Effects: Dead Zones and Harmful Algal Blooms.” US EPA, 12 Mar. 2013, www.epa.gov/nutrientpollution/effects-dead-zones-and-harmful-algal-blooms#:~:text=El evated%20nutrient%20levels%20and%20algal.
Mass Extinction Meat Empanadas: Bashagaluke, Janvier Bigabwa et al. “Soil nutrient loss through erosion: Impact of different cropping systems and soil amendments in Ghana.” PloS one vol. 13,12 e0208250. 19 Dec. 2018, doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0208250 “Basic Empanadas.” Martha Stewart, www.marthastewart.com/337617/empanadas. Earth.org. 2021 Aug 10. Sixth Mass Extinction of Wildlife Accelerating- Study. EarthOrg https://earth.org/sixth-mass-extinction-of-wildlife-accelerating/. “Effects of Land Clearing.” Sciencing, https://sciencing.com/effects-of-land-clearing-13406919.html “Plants in the Earth’s Sixth Extinction | Kew.” Www.kew.org, www.kew.org/read-and-watch/plants-sixth-extinction. Shendruk A. 2015 Jun 29. Infographic: Charting the world’s sixth mass extinction. Macleansca. https://www.macleans.ca/society/science/infographic-charting-the-worlds-sixth-mass-exi nction/. “The State of the World’s Forests 2020.” Www.fao.org, 2020, www.fao.org/state-of-forests/en/. “Twice as Many Plants Have Gone Extinct than Birds, Mammals, and Amphibians Combined.” www.science.org/content/article/twice-many-plants-have-gone-extinct-birds-mammals-an d-amphibians-combined#:~:text=In%20the%20past%20250%20years.
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Reflection: Genre The genre I chose for my final project was a cookbook. Originally, I had a long list of potential genres that I thought would suit my topic of environmental activism. I ended up narrowing my list down to five main genres: a mystery short story or novel, a sine (likely a Teen Vogue style fashion magazine), an informational but still comedic TikTok, a cookbook, and an instruction manual. I had a really hard time deciding on which one of these genres would best suit my subtopics of climate change, biodiversity loss, and global warming. I chose a cookbook because I felt like STEM research, especially sciences such as biology, tend not to be presented in the most creative or artistic ways and I wanted a challenge. In high school, I was the president of my school’s only art club so I viewed this project as a great opportunity to dive back into my creative side—which I have not had the opportunity to do since I have come to college and taken so many rigid STEM classes. I’m not sure if the genre of cookbooks was the best suited option to present the information that I did my research on; however, I do think that the aesthetics and sarcasm of it presented the information in a very unique way that I personally have not seen elsewhere before. Context I found differentiating between “context” and “purpose” to be rather confusing, however, I believe the context of my final project is to act as social commentary on climate change, biodiversity loss, and global warming. This piece was my attempt at commenting on the larger discourse around climate change that seems to exist despite all the scientific evidence that has been and is continuing to be presented. The style in which I chose to write it was intended to be satire but in the end I think it came off as more just sarcastic writing in the tone of being fed up with those questioning the reality of climate change and the urgency that action to combat it requires. Audience Originally, as I discussed in my second personal meeting, I was planning on writing in a style that pulled from teen magazines such as Teen Vogue and heavily utilized common, modern day slang; however, I did not end up doing this. I tried writing in a style that targeted teens however I just felt like it was not working very well and that it did not fit with the genre of cook books. From what I can tell, cook books’ do not typically have the target audience of teenagers so writing in a way that only catered to them felt very confusing and disorderly. For these reasons, I changed my writing style to be written like typical well-written quirky cook books—which I would say usually have a target audience of adults and parents. If you look closely at my “For Dummies” cover page, below the author’s name (my name) I sarcastically wrote “Anti-fake news advocate, anti-vaxxer, flat Earther, & creationist.” This is obviously a dig at people who unironically hold those beliefs so I would definitely say the largest part of my
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intended audience would be anyone who would laugh, or scoff, at “Anti-fake news, anti-vaxxer, flat Earther, & creationist” views. I do not think this excludes any age group but I do think this would most likely be read by college educated individuals in their twenties. The least likely audience would be older, perhaps forty and beyond, individuals with more conservative political and social views. Purpose The broader purpose of my project is to inform and entertain. The more specific purpose is to poke fun at close minded people through sarcasm, irony, humor, and satire around an otherwise very serious and concerning topic. I would have liked to have included more jokes and thicker sarcasm into my writing but this was my first time ever writing a satire piece of my own so I had absolutely no prior experience with it. Additionally, I don’t read much satire on my own or in my free time which definitely was an obstacle but I overcame it—as best as I was able to—by reading and watching satire writing and videos prior to starting my writing. Sources of Inspiration Of the research I conducted, my favorite satire video that I drew inspiration from was from The Onion and it was titled “Climate Change Researcher Describes Challenge Of Pulling Off Worldwide Global Warming Conspiracy.” This was one of the few satirical pieces I could find that had any overlap at all with my project’s intended format. I thought the video was rather brilliant as the sarcasm in it felt so effortless and well delivered. The seriousness with which the speaker spoke humorous dialogue about climate change was a tone that I wish I had been able to better use in my project’s writing. Link to the video: https://youtu.be/MnX0-TayVjk What I Think I Did Well My favorite part of my project is the aesthetic. I am very proud of the cover page with I created to look identical to the “For Dummies” book series. I also really liked the text to photos ratio I ended up choosing. I went through all my mom’s cook books and most of them had full pages dedicated to one singular photo of the dish being prepared or they had a photo accompanying each step of the recipe. I decided to combine these aspects and include both an end result photo and a step by step photo for each recipe. What I Would Have Liked to Have Improved I am not going to lie, I am a little disappointed with the quality of my sarcasm and satire writing. I read little to no satire in my day to day life and have zero experience with writing any of my own so I struggled with writing satire in a way that did not feel “cringe.” I did this to the best of my abilities however I think cooking is just a very difficult genre to incorporate sarcasm into, especially if you are not an experienced writer in either of those fields. Regardless, I am glad I chose the genre and style of writing that I did because it was very fun to research recipes
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and create these sort of parodies of them. I enjoyed exploring something new and I found taking a risk with my writing to be very exciting so I think overall I do not regret any of the choices I ended up making in my final project.
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