Crystal Womens Magazine Fall-Winter Edition 2010 by NCCOAST

crystal

NCCOAST

a coastal magazine for women

Fall/Winter Edition, 2010

Putting the

TA C K Y Back in Christmas Raising a Reader Warm Up with Winter Cocktails

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crystal

a coastal magazine for women

contents

features 12

Taking a Stand The toll of domestic violence

Healing Hearts The Carteret County Domestic Violence Program gears up for its annual luncheon

Giving Back Teachers find help and support on the web

Boot Up! Find your perfect pair this winter

Cold Weather Cocktails Warm up this winter with festive holiday beverages

Bringing Tacky Back Six friends put a little holiday cheer back in Christmas

Raising a Reader Help your child enjoy the wonders found between the pages of books

Food & Wine Make pairing fun and easy this holiday

Teens & Cellphones Cellphone safety rules for teens

regulars 10 16 18 24 36 37 38

34 6

Crystal - a coastal magazine for women

beginnings turn the page go figure purse strings day planner ask a man advertiser index

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crystal

Hello, Holidays!

a coastal magazine for women

Vol. 1, Issue #2 - Fall/Winter 2010 Published by

NCCOAST Communications 201 N. 17th St. Morehead City, NC 28557 252.247.7442 - 800.525.1403 Publisher

Tom Kies Managing Editor

Craig Ramey (editor@nccoast.com) Crystal Editor

Amanda Dagnino

(amanda@nccoast.com) Sales Manager

Jamie Bailey 252.241.9485 Advertising

Ashly Willis 252.723.3350

David Pennington 252.247.7442

(sales@nccoast.com) Graphics Manager

Kim Moore Design/Layout

Amanda Dagnino Graphic Design

Mimi Davis Lindsay Parker Roze Taitingfong Eddie Boné Contributing Writers

Kelli Creelman Pat Rauhauser Shannon Guthrie Crystal is a free quarterly publication distributed at high traffic sites in Carteret and Craven counties and is available in its entirety at nccoast.com. Entire contents, ad and graphic design and nccoast.com copyright 2010 by NCCOAST Communications. Reproduction of any portion of this publication or its website without the publisher’s written consent is strictly prohibited. Information found herein is as accurate as possible at presstime. Annual subscriptions of four magazines are also available for $10 and can be obtained by calling 252.247.7442.

nccoast.com

s Halloween becomes a more distant memory with each passing day, the holiday season inevitably grows closer. Pumpkins are traded for nsel as we glide through the turkey fog of Thanksgiving and land squarely at Santa’s feet. For adults, the ride involves a few extra obliga ons, both of me and finances. What we gain, however, is an endless string of Christmas memories – from granddad’s sneeze-worthy overuse of pepper to mom’s perfect sausage balls – that we simply couldn’t put a price tag on.

The one thing that becomes apparent as soon as we become, well, a parent, is that Christmas is definitely more fun for the kids. While they’re cross referencing their itemized wish lists, mom and dad are dragging each other from store to store, s ll somewhat dazed from Thanksgiving dinner, keeping one eye on the list and another on their bank balance. They’re juggling a work schedule with holiday par es and carefully dividing their me between parents and in-laws in the everconstant struggle to keep things fair. They’re baking and wrapping and decora ng and shopping – did we men on that already? Whew! Just saying it out loud wears you out! Instead of stressing over the details, of which this writer is horribly guilty, the goal this year at our house is to simply enjoy the me we have together. If the replicated sausage balls get a li le overcooked – to heck with it. If we run out of tags on Christmas Eve, we’ll make our own. The one thing we won’t do is worry so much about one small thing that it puts a damper over any opportunity we have to spend me with family or friends. In the hec c pace our family and extended family keep, it is rare that we can all come together on the same day. Even rarer that it happen without someone being concerned about one glass of spilt milk or another. But this year, milk be gone. As we embrace the season, we’ll also hold close those most dear to us. We’ll listen closer as our parents tell stories about how Uncle Michael ran into the woods when his sister brought a police oﬃcer to Christmas Eve dinner as her date. We’ll treasure the moment when the children are clearing the table and we’re si ng back rubbing our bellies. And we won’t shy away when someone decides to videotape the Rock Band session that always seems to form in the living room when too many teenagers are in the same place at once – even if one of us adults does get stuck on vocals. We hope you’ll do the same this year. It’s been a trying one for many of us. And if never before, we could all use the warmth of our friends and family members and the fellowship both can bring. Enjoy your holidays. Remember, the memories you’re making are nothing short of priceless. Amanda Dagnino, Editor

Would you like to be a contributing writer or photographer for the next edition of Crystal? Or maybe you have a story idea that fits right in with the lifestyle and concerns of women living here on the coast. If so, we want to hear about it. From picking out the right bikini, to being a single mom, to making your husband listen, to letters about upcoming events for women along the Crystal Coast … we want to hear it all. Just drop us a line at editor@nccoast.com or give us a call at 252-247-7442. We’d love to hear from you.

Crystal - a coastal magazine for women

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beginnings

The Colors of

Spring

Mimi G. Davis photo

Celebrating Women & Business Iva Fearing, owner of Tassels shoe store in Morehead City, was presented the first Business Woman of the Year Award, sponsored by Crystal, the NCCOAST Business Journal and the Carteret County Chamber of Commerce at a luncheon held Oct. 21 at the Country Club of the Crystal Coast.Fearing, a Newport na ve and a graduate of West Carteret High School, opened the store 11 years ago with a loan from the bank and sheer determina on, turning it into one of Morehead City’s most popular shopping spots. “I don’t think I was surprised that I was nominated – there aren’t many women in business in Morehead City,” Fearing said. “But I was really surprised to receive the award. There are so many women who have done more. And women nominated that I have so much respect for as business women.” Addi onal nominees included Martha Barnes, Beth Beswick, Debby Boyce, Bobbi Brown, Debbie Fisher, Mindy Fitzpatrick, Dana McQueen, Lisa Pelle er and Cheryl Pigo . Of all nominated, Fearing was the only one who was nominated by three diﬀerent people. The award recognized not only professional ability but the woman’s involvement in the community as well. Fearing is currently in her third term on the board of the Boys and Girls Clubs of Coastal Carolina. She served as president of the local club twice and was instrumental in star ng the Fall Feast fundraiser. She has also volunteered for the Barta Billfish Tournament, the largest local fundraiser for the Boys and Girls club and has recruited many of her friends and business people in the community to volunteer as well. “You know it sounds sort of corny, but I do believe the children are our future,” Fearing said, leaning back in her oﬃce chair. “And I’m of the philosophy that you do one thing and you do it well. I’m not one of those people who is on a board here and on a board there. When I make a commitment, I’m really commi ed.” 10

Crystal - a coastal magazine for women

Have you been waiting for an easy gardening project you could sink your hands into? Well, wait no further. Fall is the perfect time to prepare for a little spring color, thanks to hardy bulbs like tulips, daffodils, hyacinth, crocuses and lilies – the hardest part is waiting for them to bloom in the spring! Bulbs can be planted as early as mid-August and as late as January, depending on where you live. The goal, is to have them in the ground before the first freeze, which generally allows us up through the end of November, sometimes into December in Eastern North Carolina. Bulbs are so hardy, that even if we do have a freeze before planting, the odds are still in their favor. Most bulbs require at least 5-6 hours of full sun a day and well-drained soil, so make sure you pick a high spot in the yard that garners a lot of warm spring sunshine. Start with a high-quality bulb and make sure to plant them with the pointy end up, about 4-6 inches below the surface, depending on the variety. Be creative, layering taller flowers in the back and shorter varieties in the front. And remember, bulbs pack more of a punch when planted in clusters as opposed to lines. Step 2: Water. Step 3: Forget. Literally. Until, of course, those first signs of spring begin peeking out and adding a splash of color, chasing away any thoughts of winter.

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Care & Feeding of a Live Tree With the holidays right around the corner, families across North Carolina find themselves on a mission to find the perfect Christmas tree. There are plenty of ps and tricks to be found for keeping your live tree healthy – but really, a good stand, a good loca on and plenty of water is all that is needed.

• Start with a good, fresh tree. Needle loss is a great indicator. If the tree is dropping needles before you bring it home – you definitely don’t want to give it a chance to drop in your den. The needles should be dark green and flexible when bent. • Situate the tree away from direct sunlight. While we all want to display the tree prominently in our front window, make sure it doesn’t have too much direct sunlight during the day. It’s also important to situate the tree away from candles, hea ng vents and fireplaces. • Make sure you start with a nice clean cut so the tree can absorb enough water. If it has been more than 24 hours since the tree had been cut, or if you are unsure, cut a ¼-1 inch slice oﬀ the trunk of the tree before pu ng in the stand. • Make sure you use a stand that fits your tree. A stand should hold about a quart of water for every inch of width on the trunk’s diameter. • You do not need to add anything else to the water. Rumors have circulated for years that chemicals in aspirin, vodka, sugar and other items can help stretch the life of your tree, although there has been no scien fic proof to validate any of the claims. • For easy Christmas tree watering, add a long funnel to your decora on box and pull it out each year as the tree goes up. Anything is be er than arranging and rearranging the presents every me you need to add some water.

Designer Colors for Fall The colors of fall were prescribed back in February, when Pantone released its fashion color report – an annual undertaking that features designer sketches, commentary from fashion insiders and leading retailers regarding fashion trends. With fall upon us, it’s the perfect time to revisit the 10 colors Pantone expected to see in the stores this season. So what can we look forward to for fall? A palette of exciting colors, ranging from the dramatic vivid lipstick red to classic neutral, such as oyster gray and rose dust. Woodbine, not your mother’s avocado green, takes last season’s neutral greens to a new level and creates a stunning combination when paired with purple orchid and chocolate truffle. A soft orange with a hint of pink undertones, living coral is the perfect complement to lagoon. And oyster gray gives us a lighter take on the traditional fall gray, helping us carry our wardrobe into spring.

Altar-ed Reality This spring’s brides-to-bes who are concerned about how they’re going to fit a honeymoon into a tight wedding budget are finding their way to honeyfund.com, a site that allows friends and family to pay for the longawaited honeymoon in small, affordable bites. The site makes it easier for friends and family in distant locales to participate in the nuptials and it’s ideal for couples who are merging two households and already have the traditional linens and toaster. Plus, it eases some of the financial burden from the couple as they set out on their life together.

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Taking a

Stand

Against Domestic Violence By Amanda Dagnino

When Marie was 12 she dreamed of the perfect wedding. She had rough sketches of her dress safely tucked away in her journal and thoughts of lavender bridesmaids dresses and perfect white roses carved out in her imagina on. It wasn’t un l she met Steve during her junior year at ECU that she revisited those daydreams of her youth. Life was coming together. Her educa on was going well and the ideal man was head over heels in love with her. What more could a 20-year-old girl hope for? “I wonder a lot now if things would have been OK if we had just stayed on that path,” the 32-year-old muses. “If I had finished school and started a career, you know. But hindsight is 20/20, right? I guess we’re not all supposed to do things in perfect order.” By the beginning of her senior year, Marie was pregnant and faced with a life-changing decision. She married her dream man, had a daughter and se led in Newport to begin a family. “I had jobs here and there,” she remembers. “But for

Crystal - a coastal magazine for women

the most part I was a stay at home wife and mother. I took care of the house – Steve was very specific about how he wanted things done – and I tried the best I could to make everything just right.” She spent her days ironing his clothes, cleaning the house, cooking, baking and tending to her growing daughter. It was stressful, she said, but it’s always diﬃcult when you’re first se ng out. We were young, she said, and we were figuring it out as we went along. So it didn’t come as any surprise to her that Steve o en came home a er working long hours and was frustrated if dinner wasn’t cooked correctly. Or if the groceries had been put in the wrong place. “He hated it if he couldn’t find something,” said Marie. “It seems so silly now, but he would just get completely irate if he couldn’t find the salt shaker. When he sat down to eat, certain things had to be in certain places. I remember telling a friend that it was almost like he was

blind. The glass had to be at 2 o’clock and the salt and pepper shakers had to be at 10 o’clock. He actually sat me down one evening and taught me exactly how he wanted things set up – it was like I was taking an e que e class. He had the plate out and a knife and fork, just like he was ge ng ready to sit down to eat. I kept that there and he used it the next day when he came home,” she con nued, laughing so ly. “That way I knew I had it right.” In retrospect, Marie said, they were all warning signs. “But your mind isn’t in that place,” she said. “I would think, wow, he’s working hard and he’s wore out when he comes home and I keep messing stuff up. Back then I didn’t once think that he would get so angry … that he’d become violent.” It’s been nearly two years since Marie, with a mid 10-year-old girl in tow, found her way to Caroline’s House, the safe house operated by the Carteret County Domes c Violence Program (CCDVP). She had le Steve before, twice fleeing to her mother’s home and once to a friend’s. This me was different. There were police involved, a hospital visit, counselors. “I s ll remember si ng in that office for the first me. I was so scared,” Marie said. “And I remember thinking that he was smarter than the staff. That somehow he would find me and this me he’d kill me for ge ng so many people involved in our business. I think now, more than anything, that fear that he would kill me is the one thing that stopped me from going back. I loved him – cared about him. I hated the idea of him being on his own and having to stumble around and do things for himself. I loved taking care of him. But this me, despite the fact that I wanted to return, I knew I couldn’t. I had gone too far this me.” It’s been two years since a call from Carteret General Hospital mobilized the staff at Caroline’s House. Marie has a small house in New Bern she shares with a friend, an office job with health benefits, a small car, a cat and a beau ful middle school student. “Now she’s the light that guides my way,” Marie said, reaching out and pa ng her daughter’s leg. “At my darkest moment, when I truly thought I couldn’t do it on my own, she gave me the strength to keep going. “You go through life hearing about programs like Caroline’s House but you never think you’re going to have to tap into it,” she con nued. “You never feel like it’s a service you’re going to need. (See Stand, page 14)

Healing Hearts with Fashion & Philanthropy For the past 20 years the Carteret County Domestic Violence Program (CCDVP) has ushered in the holiday season with its “Healing Hearts through Hope” Fashion Show & Luncheon, an event that draws 300 to 500 people each year, while raising money to shelter and support victims of family violence. This year’s event, which opens at 12:30pm on Sunday, Nov. 21, at the Crystal Coast Civic Center in Morehead City, promises to be better than ever. Tickets are on sale now for $30 each and can be ordered by calling Linda Holden at (252) 240-1858 or Glenda Riggs or Elaine Baker at the CCDVP office at (252) 726-2336. Tables can be reserved for groups of 10. This year, in addition to the ever-popular fashion show, CCDVP will have 100-plus silent auction items donated by area businesses, artists and artisans, and individuals. “The auction is a great place for holiday gift shopping,” said CCDVP Board President Lisa Taylor-Galizia. “The bidding is fun, and it’s a great feeling knowing that the money you spend goes directly to helping victims of domestic violence.” Each year, the event is dedicated to an individual or organization that (See Hearts, page 14)

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Stand (From page 13)

We always think that happens to other people, people on TV, or people on the bad side of town. I think that’s the biggest misconcep on we have. “It’s one of those things we just never want to talk about. It’s shameful and bad – there’s the idea that only people at the lowest level of society have to deal with domes c violence and that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Since I’ve been involved with the program I’ve met people of all ages, of all economic backgrounds and they all have a story similar to mine. Not exactly. But similar enough to make it scary.” According to Glenda Riggs, execu ve director of the CCDVP, Caroline’s House has sheltered 267 people, primarily Carteret County residents, during the past year alone. As the board and volunteers gear up for their annual fashion show and luncheon, Riggs is hopeful the event will once again be a success. “You hate to say it, but we need it,” said Riggs via telephone. “Funding has been cut across the board and it’s harder and harder for nonprofits in general to stay afloat. Yet as the economy has le so many people in stressful situa ons, the need for the program has increased.” As Riggs explained, the shelter receives several annual

grants, however, the funding is granted for very specific projects. There are grants, she explained, that pay for salaries and grants that help fund con nued educa on and grants that help with par cular program. “But there’s no grant that says ‘use at will when you need to pay your electricity bill.’ That just doesn’t happen,” said Riggs. “And that’s where the importance of fundraising and community support comes in.” Through the years, she said, the community has been nothing short of amazing. Year a er year local stores spend weeks preparing ou its for the fashion show. Businesses dig deep to provide items for the silent auc on. Local women’s clubs gather dona ons of paper products. Garden clubs and churches schedule maintenance days to help care for the shelter itself. “We’re definitely a program that is embraced and regarded,” said Riggs. “But that con nued, ongoing support is necessary for us to keep reaching those people in need.” To make a dona on to the Carteret County Domes c Violence Program, or if you or someone you know are coping with domes c violence, call the program oﬃce at 252-7262366.

Hearts (From page 13)

supports the fight against domes c violence or the needs of the program. This year’s recipients do both. “We are honoring the dedicated volunteers from The Carpenter’s Tools at First Presbyterian Church in Morehead City, who freely give countless hours to ensure women and children can heal in safe shelter,” said Glenda Riggs, the CCDVP execu ve director. “These men take care of any of our construc on needs, from replacing ro ng siding to assembling play areas for children in the shelter, they do it all.” Lunch will be provided by Floyd’s 1921 restaurant, sushi appe zers by California Roll Café, dessert by Alex & Bre and tea from Smithfield’s. The a ernoon will open with the lunch buffet, followed by the fashion show, which will feature styles from more than a dozen stores and bou ques in the area. Modeling some of the ou its will be “angels of mercy” – nurses and staff from Carteret General Hospital who have once again volunteered to be a part of the program. “These volunteer models and our helpers from the Na onal Charity League are an invaluable part of the event,” Riggs said. “They make it a special day for all of us.” Throughout the event, those a ending can get their ckets for the 50/50 drawing and the designer ou its or check their bidding on the silent auc on items. “This is our biggest fundraising event, and we are amazed at the support we have go en already from our sponsors and donors,” Taylor-Galizia said. “With reduced grant funding and rising costs, it’s not easy to keep the program running, but our supporters help us stay true to our mission of protec ng women and children who are vic ms of domes c violence and helping them rebuild their lives. The fashion show and luncheon is about honoring them, too.” The domes c violence program is a nonprofit organiza on that provides temporary housing for women and children at its shelter, Caroline’s House, as well as counseling, transporta on, informa on and referral, medical assistance and emergency financial assistance for domes c violence vic ms. The program also provides case management and court advocacy for sheltered clients and an extended case management program for clients as they transi on to self-sufficiency and violence-free living; offers a Safe Date curriculum for middle school students; educates the general public about domes c violence and da ng violence; and operates Caroline’s Collectable’s, a resale shop that provides for the needs of agency clients, as well as funding for CCDVP and community outreach. 14

Crystal - a coastal magazine for women

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turn the page

Reading Through the Holidays by Kelli Creelman

he holidays are upon us and precious little time to read can make anyone cranky. So for the miserable wanting company I recommend “An Idiot Girls Christmas” (hardback, $14.95). Author, Laurie Notaro, writes of holidays past with her quirky family and her holiday decorating challenged neighbors. With biting wit she shares the horrors of holiday checkout lines also known as “the seventh circle of hell,” shopping with “Nana,” previously owned, slightly used gifts and my favorite, XXXL white cotton granny panties that came in handy to cover the bushes during a freeze. Cheeky and riotously funny, for anyone who does not subscribe to “it’s the thought counts.” If you are one to watch multiple reruns of “It’s a Wonderful Life,” “The Sugar Queen” by Sarah Addison Allen (paperback $15) is a tender, enchanting tale with bewitching characters. Even the bad guys are charming. The story begins with Josey waking up to the first frost on her windowpane. She is ecstatic; winter is her favorite season, now she can wear her lucky red sweater. All is well until she finds Della Lee Baker, a local waitress, hiding in her bedroom closet along with her stash of sugary treats. Della Lee turns out to be both nemesis and fairy godmother. This is a spellbinding story of how the smallest of acts can change everything. It teaches us that wearing red can really get you what you want and that passion can actually make eggs fry in the carton and coffee boil in the pot. You will have sugar plums dancing in your head. In the mood for a mystery, Judge Deborah Knott returns in Margaret Maron’s “Christmas Mourning” (hardback, $25.99). A high school golden girl is killed in a one car accident; the small town community, where Judge Knott lives, is sent into a tailspin but the clues are not adding up to an accident. Maron’s seemingly effortless ability to mix a charming North Carolina Christmas with a spicy murder does not disappoint. Her subject matter is always contemporary but her down home, Southern nuances are so pleasantly old timey you can smell the holiday cookies baking while you read. Since we all can get a little nostalgic this time of year, “Our Vanishing Americana,” Mike Lassiter and Lee Grant (hardback, $44.95), is a book that should 16

Crystal - a coastal magazine for women

be on every coffee table in North Carolina. You can travel the back roads of our diverse state and never leave your easy chair, because Lassiter has done it for you, photographing icons of a fading era. Barber shops, drug stores, fillin’ stations, hardware stores, even Morehead City’s El’s Drive-In is chronicled in this compelling collection of images and stories spanning over 30,000 miles of small towns in our fair state. Next time I want to ride shotgun! If the holidays do start taking their toll on you, I suggest reading a copy of O Henry’s “Gift of the Magi.” Part love story, part fable it truly does help bring perspective to this season of hustle and flurry. Kelli Creelman is owner of the Rocking Chair Bookstore, the oldest, independent book store in Beaufort, where she resides with her family.

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go figure

Cutting Holiday Calories by Shannon Guthrie

he approaching holidays usually signify that sweets and treats are more readily available. This translates to extra calories that can lead to weight gain and make healthy eating a challenge for us Americans who typically put on half of our annual weight gain during this time of the year. Of course, the mindset is to allow yourself to indulge â&#x20AC;&#x201C; it only comes one time per year, right? But small, simple changes can shave a lot of calories from recipes and still produce acceptable results, often times without even noticing the changes. Some simple tips to avoid weight gain during the holidays are to keep your weight in mind, indulge on goodies that are only available during this special time of the year, instead of ALL goodies and use extra shopping times as an opportunity to burn more calories. Many recipes can be made a little healthier with less fat and calories. Just reducing the amount of sugar (replacing 1/2 with a sugar substitute) and fat called for by 1/2 can make a big difference. Of course always choosing to use light or reduced fat/sugar versions of mayonnaise, sour cream, cream cheese, syrups and jams can cut calories as well. Two-percent milk cheeses yield acceptable results and flavor. Other tips include toasting nuts and coconut to maximize their flavors, so therefore you can use less in recipes, opting to use mini chocolate chips and reducing amounts added to recipes. Using extracts like almond or vanilla adds more perceived sweetness and lemon or lime zests and spices such as cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice, cloves and ginger can add a lot of depth and flavor to baked goods without adding calories. Instead of greasing pans with butter or margarine, opt to use fat-free nonstick cooking sprays. To add a nutrient profile boost to baked goods, substituting 1/2 of the flour called for with whole-wheat flour and adding a tablespoon or two of wheat germ or 18

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ground flax seed can provide additional fiber, protein and omega-3 fatty acids. Adding fiber to baked goods will increase satisfaction with a smaller portion, therefore fewer calories consumed!

Orange Spice Molasses Cookies These spiced molasses cookies from eatingwell.com have added applesauce to help keep the cookies moist and whole-wheat flour and oats to incorporate whole grains, as well as orange zest, vanilla extract and numerous spices to add flavor Yield: 40 cookies Active Time: 1 hour 10 minutes Total Time: 1 hour 25 minutes

Ingredients Rolling Sugar 1/2 cup granulated sugar 1 tbsp. freshly grated orange zest Cookie Dough 1 1/2 c. rolled oats 5 tbsp unsalted butter, softened 1/3 c. granulated sugar 1/3c. packed dark brown sugar 2 tbsp freshly grated orange zest 1/2 c. light or dark molasses 7 tbsp unsweetened applesauce 1 lg. egg yolk 1 tsp vanilla extract 1 tsp baking soda 1 1/2 tsp ground cinnamon 1 1/2 tsp ground ginger 1/2 tsp ground cloves 1/4 tsp ground allspice 1/4 tsp freshly ground pepper 1/4 tsp salt 2 1/4 c. whole-wheat flour

Preparation 1. Preheat oven to 375Â°F. Coat a large baking sheet with cooking spray or line with parchment paper or a nonstick baking mat. 2. To prepare the rolling sugar: Pulse 1/2 cup granulated sugar and 1 tbsp orange zest in a food processor until well combined. Place in a shallow dish and set aside. 3. To prepare cookie dough: Grind oats in a blender until they (See Figure, page 37)

Giving Back Website connects teachers & donors by Amanda Dagnino

The reduction in the Carteret County Public School’s budget isn’t a surprise for anyone. As the country slid into an economic slump, government entities were quick to follow suit, with budget cuts across the board in most counties. The unfortunate part of this front page news story is that ultimately the community’s children bear the brunt of that equation. And teachers who continuously struggle to fill the gap. One program, donorschoose.org, is making it easy for teachers to do just that, by matching needs with donors. And there’s always a need, always something, explained Marie Sherrill, who is in her first year as an 8th grade language arts teacher at Morehead Middle School. The former high school teacher walked into a barren classroom this summer. The necessary items were there, she explained, desks, dry erase boards, chairs and shelves – but everything else is the responsibility of the instructor. Basic supplies are available, explained Sherrill, pens, markers and paper. But teachers are responsible for additional supplies. And at Morehead Middle, like many schools across the country, there is no stipend offered to help defray the cost. Donorschoose.org allows teachers of all subjects to outlay their need for materials in small grants or requests. These grants are searchable by subject, geographic location, type of

project, etc… making it easy for donors to fund projects they are interested in. There is no limit to how much or how little donors give – sometimes projects are funded by multiple small donations and sometimes businesses or private parties will pick up the entire tab. Of the three requests Sherrill has had fulfilled, all were funded by major organizations, including the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation and Bank of America in Onslow County. Grants included funds for two Spanish/English translators which she now uses in the classroom and a collection of books for the room. “The library is full of great books but it’s nice to have books in the classroom,” she said. “I pick them up as I go along – you know, I’ll stop at yard sales and things like that, but 8th grade in particular is a really tough year. Sixth grade literature is way too young. Some 7th grade stuff works but can be young, too. And adult fiction is definitely too old for them.” One of her current requests is for a collection of books specifically for her 8th grade boys, which she said can be very challenging to find appropriate material for. Like Sherrill’s, all of the active requests on donorschoose. (See Giving, page 38) www.nccoast.com

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Women Must Plan Carefully by Pat Rauhauser

f you’re a woman, you have to be actively involved in your financial preparations for retirement – and that’s true whether you’re single or married. As a woman, you have at least two special considerations associated with your retirement planning: • You've got a longer life expectancy. Women typically outlive men by about seven years, according to the U.S. National Center for Health Statistics – and more years of life mean more expenses. • You may have less money in your retirement plan. Women drop out of the work force for an average of 12 years to care for young children or aging parents, according to the Older Women's League, a research and advocacy group. This time away from the workforce results in women accumulating much less money in their employer-sponsored retirement plans, such as 401(k)s. The prospect of a long, underfunded retirement is not a pleasant one. Fortunately, there's much you can do to avoid this fate. For starters, know what's going on in your financial situation. If you are married, share the responsibility of making investment decisions. What are your retirement goals? Are the two of you investing enough to eventually achieve these goals? And where is the money going? You must know the answers to these questions. You'll also need to know what you could expect to receive if your husband dies before you. As a surviving spouse, you will likely inherit all your husband's assets, unless he has specifically named other people – such as grown children from an earlier marriage – as beneficiaries. Nonetheless, you can't just assume that all sources of income that your husband

Crystal - a coastal magazine for women

receives will automatically roll over to you. For example, if your husband were to die before you, you wouldn't get his Social Security payments in addition to your own, although you could choose to collect his payments instead of yours. But if you both earned close to the same income, you might not get much of an increase in Social Security benefits. In any case, whether you're married or single, here are some moves that can benefit you: • "Max out" on your 401(k). If you can afford it, invest the maximum amount into your 401(k) and increase your contributions every time your salary goes up. Your 401(k) provides you with tax-deferred earnings and a variety of investment options. • Contribute to an IRA. Even if you have a 401(k) or other employer-sponsored retirement plan, you might be eligible to contribute to a traditional or Roth IRA. A traditional IRA offers the potential for tax-deferred earnings, while a Roth IRA potentially grows tax-free, provided you don't take withdrawals until you're 59-1/2 and you've had your account at least five years. You can fund an IRA with virtually any investment you choose. Do whatever it takes to help ensure a comfortable retirement – and the sooner you start planning, the better. Pat Rauhauser has been a financial advisor with Edward Jones Investments for 25 years. She serves on the board of the Carteret Community Foundation, is an active member of the American Business Women’s Association and has been recognized as one of Carteret County’s Distinguished Women. A native of Minnesota, she has lived in Morehead City for the past 11 years.

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Warming Your Spirits

While we’re lucky enough to live in an environment where the warm weather lingers, there are those two or three months of winter where the sun dares to dip behind the clouds long enough to send us running for the scarf and gloves we have tucked away in the back of our underwear drawer. It doesn’t last long – just enough to make us feel fes ve during the holidays and yearn for the warmth of the June sun on our face.

With that cool weather comes the tradi onal sights, sounds and smells associated with the holidays – pumpkin, gingerbread, cinnamon, baked apples and more – that makes us feel cozy and at home regardless of where we are. This year, why not integrate those soothing seasonal flavors into an adult beverage sure to warm you from the inside out and put a li le holiday spirit in your step. Imagine si ng in front of the fire and enjoying a hot toddy or an Irish coﬀee, decora ng the tree while sipping a li le hot bu ered rum or enjoying friends and family over a warm cup of spiked hot chocolate. Nothing will make your guests feel more welcome or make your home more invi ng than a cocktail that brings back the scents of grandma’s Christmas kitchen. And who knows, perhaps a er a few, the holidays won’t seem quite as stressful.

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1 oz brandy or whiskey 1 tbsp honey 1/4 lemon 1 cup hot water 1 tea bag Coat the bo om of a mug with honey, add liquor and juice of the lemon quarter. On the side, heat water in a teake le and add the tea bag to make hot tea. Pour the steaming tea into the mug and s r.

Unsweetened heavy cream 1 1/2 oz Irish whiskey 4 oz brewed coﬀee 1 oz brown sugar Combine hot coﬀee, whisky and sugar; add whipped cream on top.

Mulled Cider 2 qts apple cider 1/4 cup packed brown sugar 1/8 tsp ground ginger 1 orange (unpeeled) 2 cinnamon s cks 1 tsp whole cloves Brandy to taste Combine cider, ginger, sugar and orange in a slow cooker. Put cinnamon and cloves in a cheesecloth bag and add to liquid. Cover and cook on the low se ng for 2-4 hours. Remove the bag of spices when ready to serve. Add brandy to cup and fill with hot mixture.

Hot Bu ered Rum 1 1/2 oz dark rum 2 Tbsp bu er 1-2 Tbsp brown sugar Dash of vanilla extract 3-4 oz boiling water Pinch of cinnamon, nutmeg and cloves Cream bu er, vanilla, spices and salt and spoon the mixture into a mug. Add rum and then pour in hot water, whisking un l blended. Garnish with an orange peel.

Spiced Wine 1 bo le inexpensive red wine 4 oz water 2 oz sugar 1 s ck of cinnamon Anis 3 cloves Orange and lemon peel to garnish Boil the sugar and spices in water, and let them soak for half an hour before straining and mixing with wine. Heat, but don’t boil the mixture. Top with lemon and orange peels and cinnamon.

Raspberry Chocolate 1 1/2 oz raspberry liqueur 1 oz crème de cacao 8 oz hot chocolate Whipped cream Raspberries to garnish Pour the raspberry liqueur and white crème de cacao into a cappuccino mug and then add already mixed hot chocolate and s r. Top with whipped cream, drizzle an extra teaspoon of liqueur on top and finish it oﬀ with a fresh raspberry. www.nccoast.com

W We may be too polite to say it out loud, but no ma er how much we try to maintain some level of class, the poten al for tackiness during the holidays is just a blow-up Santa away. You know what we’re talking about – you’ve seen your neighbor’s holiday decora ons. Well, one group of young twentysomethings got together four years ago to take advantage of just that – the tacky side of the holiday season. And while fun was certainly a focus of the event – giving back to the community they know and love was the primary objec ve. About six years ago Allison BurnsGriggs and Beth Reid were having dinner and brainstorming what they could do to help local families, explained Gina Szommer. In an almost joking manner, the idea of a Tacky Christmas Party was discussed. The pair laughed it oﬀ and went on to explore other op ons. But two years later, the event came up again. “They turned to myself, Ashley Hersinger, Tiﬀany Grammer and Amanda Jones and immediately we were on board,” said Szommer of

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by Amanda Dagnino the friends she had grown up and gone to school with. “It was such a diﬀerent idea and it sounded like it would be a lot of fun to arrange. And it was important to us, especially at Christmas, that we do something to help others.” “It is important for us to remain an ac ve part of the community and to give back to a community that we love so much,” Grammer chimed in. “Growing up here helps us all realize what a special place Carteret County is and we want to do as much as possible to give back, while giving others a chance to give to the community and have fun in the process.” And fun, they most certainly have. For four consecu ve years, the Tacky Christmas Party has made a mark on the Morehead City landscape – catapul ng the fundraising party into a holiday tradi on for folks of all ages. They began, Szommer said, by reaching out to friends and family, pu ng pieces together as they fit. Burns-Griggs talked to Andy Hopper, one of the owners at Chef’s 105 in Morehead City to see if the site would

be available. Not only did he agree to host the event, said Szommer, but he oﬀered to donate 100 percent of the evening’s gratui es to the cause. “So we sent out invites, crossed our fingers and just hoped for a good turn out,” she said. A er all, this was a first for the young women. And as the party planners explained, if they could reach out to one child for the holidays, the event would be a success. Hundreds of people turned up, an excited Szommer recalled, and the group of friends raised a li le more than $1,000. “That first year we were so excited to adopt a family of five and make a Christmas for a family that would have otherwise had nothing,” said Szommer. And they were addicted. Year a er year, friends told their friends, who in turn told their friends, and before long, the Tacky Christmas Party became a holiday favorite. Each year as the hunt for Halloween costumes came to an end in October, locals were

found scouring resale stores and their grandparent’s closets, for the most outlandish ou it they could come up with for the next celebra on. Partygoers wrapped in grandma’s holiday sweater from last year, 80s prom dresses, vests, hats, pajamas – you can find them all at the Tacky Christmas Party. Folks have draped themselves in ba ery operated Christmas lights, they’ve designed their own sweatshirts and created adult reindeer costumes. Red, green, nsel and the absurd rule the night. But it’s all done in good fun. “We’ve even had a Cousin Eddie from Christmas Vaca on,” laughed Szommer. “There are more sequins and gli er at our party than at Michaels! It’s really such a fun night.” Since their humble beginnings, the women have adopted 15 families from the Angel Tree at Capt. Bill’s. The individual angels are chosen through Project Christmas Cheer, a Carteret County, holiday assistance program that matches donors with those in need. Cheer volunteers gather informa on from the family, both financial data to verify that they have a need for aid and ages and sizes for (See Tacky, page 30) www.nccoast.com

Tacky (From page 29)

the children in the family. Facts are checked before the names are added to the list, giving donors the security in knowing that they are giving to a family that it truly deserving of holiday cheer. “One of the saddest things,” Szommer said, “is that on the individual angels most of them list food as the biggest need – including the tags for children. You’d think you’d see toys listed – a video game. But food comes up me and me again.” No one is going without Christmas if these girls have anything to do with it. And many a tear-filled “thank you” has been oﬀered in return as the young women take a hands-on approach. “Once we pick the families from the Angel Tree we just make it happen,” Szommer said. “We go shopping, wrap all the presents and even deliver them on Christmas Eve. We o en buy food for families that we are unable to buy presents for because so many of them list it as a need.” “I think it is awesome that we are fortunate enough to be able to bless families in our community during the holiday season,” added Burns-Griggs. “It truly makes me thankful for what I have and it is a constant reminder of what really ma ers in life. I find courage and hope in some of the stories the parents have shared with us over the years, leaving a special place for each of them in my heart.”

Crystal - a coastal magazine for women

Hopefully the ladies’ hearts have no boundaries, because they’re sure to need some space as they head into their fourth event, slated for Saturday, Dec. 4, at Jack’s in downtown Morehead City. “We’ve outgrown Chef’s 105 so this year Jack’s Waterfront Bar has agreed to donate the use of its club for the night,” said Szommer. “It’s sad saying goodbye to the place that has supported us since the beginning but we’re excited about how much it has grown through the years and how much we’ve been able to do for the community.” They haven’t done it without help, Szommer notes. Each year bands and DJs donate their me to play the event, including bands like Selah Dub and local favorites Free Poor, which is making its return this year. And many local businesses have donated me, money and raﬄe items, including Atlan c Beach Surf Shop, Bridges St. Po ery, Vineyard Vines, Best Buy, Coconutz, the Country Club of the Crystal Coast, South Swell Surf Shop and tons more. “And, of course, Chef’s,” added Szommer. “Without them this never would have happened.” This year’s event runs from 10pm to closing, with 8-10pm set aside as an invita on-only “thank you” to current and past contributors. A er 10, the doors open with a $5 cover charge, which will be donated by Jack’s to the cause. While the women do not accept gi s during the event, addi onal dona ons are graciously accepted.

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It’s Still Fundamental by Amanda Dagnino

Ask any teacher and they’ll tell you that reading is the basic building block on which all addi onal educa on is built. Once a child learns to read, he has an endless stream of knowledge just wai ng to be consumed. Yet despite the common belief that reading is indeed fundamental to educa on, some 21-23 percent of Americans lack the most basic of skills. And that includes more than a million adults in North Carolina. An addi onal 1.5 million Carolinians do well in everyday life – they can fill out a job applica on or read the menu at the pick-up window of their favorite fast food restaurant – but when it comes to reading and comprehending a newspaper ar cle, for example, they struggle. “We look at the schools to teach a child how to read, but they can’t teach a child the love of reading. That’s the parent’s job,” said Debby Boudreau, director of the Sylvan Learning Center in Morehead City. With loca ons around the country, Sylvan assists students with beginning and academic reading skills as well as study skills, math, academic wri ng and SAT/ACT college prep. Crea ng a reader comes almost naturally for parents who are avid readers themselves – modeling con nues to be the best teacher of all – but for parents balancing home and career, reading can some mes get lost in the shuﬄe. “If we can make plans to go to a football game or a museum, why not schedule a reading night?” asks Boudreau. The result, she said, will last a life me. “If they enter school with that basic character trait, if they love to read, they’re going to do well in science, social studies, history, everything,” Boudreau said. “Reading and vocabulary

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are everything. That technical world is a great thing – but it can get in the way and it’s no replacement for a life me of reading,” she said. Hoping to raise a reader of your own? Boudreau suggests: • Read as a family – Schedule a rou ne, turn oﬀ the TV, get comfy and read to your children or read as a family at least three mes a week. Take them to the library, let them choose some books. It’s never too early or too late to start. • Light the fire and keep it lit – Expose your child to a variety of reading material, subjects and formats. Show them that reading is another form of entertainment. Fic on, nonfic on, poetry, newspapers, magazines, picture books, chapter books, cereal boxes, mystery, biography, the list can go on. • Build comprehension skills – As you read to them or they read to you, ask them ques ons about the story, the character, who, what, when, why, how ques ons are always good. Ask them how they feel about the story, can that really happen, what do they think might happen next. Retell your child the facts and details from a book or have them retell you the story. • Develop language skills – Reading to your child, talking to them, day trips to museums, zoos, aquariums, beaches, markets, etc., will build their language skills, vocabulary as well as their working knowledge. • Make learning fun – Teach your child rhymes, songs and poems. Play games that require memory, strategy, (See Reader, page 38)

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Holidays & Wine a perfect combination

Wine and the holidays go hand in hand. It’s the ideal gi when invited to a friend or family member’s home for dinner or cocktails and it has become an almost mandatory placement on the dinner table. But how do you know exactly what you should be serving? When it comes to choosing a good bo le of wine, many resort to those college years spent working in restaurants to help make the decision. Those who let go of that knowledge as quickly as they forgot the mathema cal equa on for the area of a triangle may find themselves stumped looking at all the op ons during their next visit to the grocery store. Sure, they remember that red wine goes with red meat, but that doesn’t narrow the playing field very much at all – do they mean a malbec? A pinot noir? A cabernet? How about whatever tastes right to you? “Keep in mind that rules only apply if you want them to. The only true rule is that you like what you’re drinking and that it goes well with your meal,” said Nancee Allen of the Emerald Isle Wine Market. “Pairings for wine and food should be fun. Don’t stress about your choices. “I think when you are pairing wine with food, you have to keep several things in mind. Do you want to plan the wine around the food or the food around the wine? Do you have guests that are up for a challenge? Or, maybe the best way to pair the wines is to drink what you like. If you like chardonnay give a California or North Carolina wine a try, even if you are serving standing rib roast, turkey or tofurkey, the bu ery finish typical of a New World chardonnay will complement your dish. “While some people are going outside their box and experimen ng with diﬀerent varietals and blends, many are going with their standbys — chardonnay, cabernet sauvignon, sauvignon blancs….” If you prefer a pinot noir and you enjoy the flavor it adds to your turkey dinner – go for it. Don’t deny yourself simply because it isn’t a white. The most important thing about

Crystal - a coastal magazine for women

choosing, is that you enjoy the way the flavors go together – that the wine doesn’t overpower the meal and that the meal doesn’t erase all flavor from the wine. If you’re looking for a perfect gi or thinking of sharing a fes ve evening with friends and family, there are many ways to incorporate special wine into the celebra on. Once there is a li le chill in the air and me to visit with old friends and family, “what about a nice bo le of port?” oﬀers Allen. “A er dinner or just because – you really don’t need a perfect opportunity to open a good bo le of aged port.” Most wine shops have great bo les available, she said, and can order vintage bo les to commemorate a special occasion. With the holidays in mind, Allen said it’s also a great me for a celebratory bo le of champagne. “I like to drink champagne and California sparkling wines because they can both serve as an aperi f, can be paired with brunch and, especially, holiday meals,” said Allen. “One I recommend is the Victory Cuvee from Richard Childress Winery, which is produced in North Carolina. Also, the New World pinot noirs are a favorite of mine that work well with turkey, gravy and even sandwiches made with le overs.” At the shop, Allen said she is currently selling a lot of pinot grigios, malbecs, moscato di as s and Perfect Ending wines, the store’s private label wine. “The trends in the wine business change as fast as others in modern culture do and right now, Spanish, Chilean and Argen nean wines are on the move,” she said. In addi on, many people are seeking good, a rac vely-priced wines, as opposed to reaching for high-end alterna ves. With a few gourmet snacks, a bo le of wine can be the perfect addi on to a gi basket, said Allen, for that hard-to-buy-for client or coworker. Whatever the goal, she said, wine and the holidays are the best of friends, whether you’re giving it as a gi or sharing it with friends and loved ones on a crisp December evening. The most important thing about picking wine, said Allen, is to go with one that feels right to you. – and when in doubt, ask. Folks who work in wine stores are generally there for a reason, they love wine, and they’re always eager to help you choose the perfect bo le.

Hand Holding for Handhelds

Today’s tech-savvy kids have a world of digital and social media available at their finger ps. They can call, text, e-mail, surf the web, watch TV and movies, play music and games, take and share pictures and video – all from their mobile devices. While there are infinite benefits to wireless products and services for kids, parents around the country are trying to balance the good with the need to prevent their children from using the technology in an irresponsible or inappropriate manner. According to the Pew Internet and American Life Project: • 15 percent of 12-17 year olds who own mobile devices say they have received sexually sugges ve nude or nearly nude images of someone they know via text messaging on their cell phone. • 54 percent of text-using teens have received spam or other unwanted texts, and 26 percent have been bullied or harassed through text messages and phone calls. • One in three tex ng teens ages 16-17 say they have texted while driving. The ques on that many parents or guardians wonder is, “How do I make sure my children are using their devices responsibly?” CTIA-The Wireless Associa on, with the help of kids, expert educators, parents and The Wireless Founda on, has developed the “Be Smart. Be Fair. Be Safe: Responsible Wireless Use” campaign, primarily focused around its website besmartwireless.com. To help parents or guardians talk with their kids about their mobile device usage, they are oﬀering some simple ps.

1. Know your child’s service plan such as voice, text messaging, e-mail and internet access. Be familiar with your child’s phone’s features, as well, such as the ability to take and send pictures or videos or download music or apps. This includes knowing what parental tools your wireless carrier may oﬀer. 2. Discuss your family’s rules on using mobile devices. This may include certain mes and ways of use and consequences if these rules are broken. Make sure to write down these rules and penal es and post them in a central loca on at home. 3. Periodically, revisit these rules as your children grow older and wireless technology evolves. While some children may view this as prying, it is very important that kids know how their parents or guardians expect them to behave and u lize wireless products and services. In addi on, children must feel comfortable talking to their parents, guardians, educators or other trusted adults about all of their wireless use – including when they receive ques onable content or contact on their devices. CTIA and the wireless industry believe parents and other caring adults are the keys to kids’ responsible wireless use. “Be Smart” is a na onal educa on campaign focused on equipping parents so they can teach kids to use their wireless devices responsibly. At besmartwireless.com parents will find easy-to-understand informa on, including a lis ng of wireless providers and the parental features and filters they oﬀer; a glossary of key terms; an example of family rules; two free 6th12th grade educa onal lessons plans and more. www.nccoast.com

day planner

The Crystal Coast and the surrounding area are literally teeming with events and activities. We’ve chosen a few of our favorites for you and the youngsters. Enjoy! November Sat. 13: Huge Cra Fair, 9am-4pm, The History Place, Morehead City, 252-247-7533.

30th-2: Photos with Santa, Noon-7pm, Emerald Isle Parks and Rec., 252-354-6350.

Associa on, 252-728-5225. Morehead City Christmas Parade, 11am, downtown.

December

Tue. 14: Fort Tour, 11am, Fort Macon State Park, 252-726-3775.

Wed. 17: Bird Hike, 2pm, Fort Macon State Park, 252-726-3775.

1-19: Arts & Cra s Coali on Holiday Show and Sale, 4024 Arendell St.

Sat. 20: Jumble Sale, 9am-3pm, Beaufort Historical Associa on, 252-728-5225.

2, 14: Nature Hike, 10am, Fort Macon State Park, 252-726-3775.

Sun. 21: BHA Community Thanksgiving Feast, 11:30am-1pm, Beaufort Historical Associa on, 252728-5225. Nov. 23-Dec. 23: Fes val of Lights, 6pm, Mike’s Farm, Beulaville, mikesfarm.com. Fri. 26: Swansboro Flo lla, 910-326-4428. Sat. 27: Emerald Isle Christmas Parade, 4pm, 252-3542916.

3-5: Waterfowl Weekend, Core Sound Waterfowl Museum and Heritage Center, 252-728-1500. 4-5: Core Sound Decoy Fes val, Harkers Island Elementary School, 252-838-8818. 4-9: Fes val of Trees, Crystal Coast Civic Center, 252-808-6085. Fri. 4: Holiday Flo lla, Morehead City and Beaufort waterfronts, 252-728-1638. Aquarium ABC’s, 10-11am, NC Aquarium at PKS, 252-2474003. Sat. 5: Beaufort Christmas Parade, 4pm. Aquarist Appren ce, 14pm, NC Aquarium at PKS, 252247-4003. Cri er Class, 2-3pm, NC Aquarium at PKS, 252-247-4003. Fri. 10: Friday Free Flicks, 7pm, Emerald Isle Parks and Rec., 252354-6350. Lunch with a Dash of History, Noon, The History Place, 252-247-7533. 11, 18: Grand Illumina on, 59pm, Tryon Palace Historic Sites and Gardens, tryonpalace.org. Sat. 11: Breakfast with Santa, 10am, Emerald Isle Parks and Rec., 252-354-6350. Coastal Carolina Christmas Walk, 2-4:30pm, Beaufort Historic Site, 252-728-5225. Historic Beaufort Candlelight Tour of Homes, 58pm, Beaufort Historical

Crystal - a coastal magazine for women

Wed. 15: Bird Hike, 2pm, Fort Macon State Park, 252-726-3775. Thur. 16: Beach Hike, 2pm, Fort Macon State Park, 252-726-3775.

January Sat. 1: Penguin Plunge, 1pm, Atlan c Beach Circle, penguinplunge.org. Aquarium ABC’s, 10-11am, NC Aquarium at PKS, 252-2474003. Cri er Class, 2-3pm, NC Aquarium at PKS, 252-247-4003. Sun. 2: Aquarist Appren ce, 1-4pm, NC Aquarium at PKS, 252247-4003. Sat. 15: Bridal Fair, 9am-4pm, Crystal Coast Civic Center, 252247-3883. Sun. 30: Pirate Punch, 2:30-4pm, The History Place, Morehead City, 252-247-7533.

February 4-6: Carolina Chocolate Fes val, Crystal Coast Civic Center, carolinachocolatefes val.com. Sat. 5: Aquarium ABC’s, 1011am, NC Aquarium at PKS, 252247-4003. Cri er Class, 2-3pm, NC Aquarium at PKS, 252-247-4003. Sun. 6: Valen ne’s Day Membership Drive, 4-6pm, Beaufort Historical Associa on, 252-728-5225. Aquarist Appren ce, 14pm, NC Aquarium at PKS, 252247-4003. Wed. 23: Empty Bowls, 11am1pm, Civic Center, 252-240-9841.

ask a

man

Q: Why is it so hard for men to talk about their feelings? It’s not that we don’t want to talk about our feelings, we just don’t have as many feelings to talk about. We’re not wired that way. Think of it like this: If you were choosing colors to paint a room, chances are you would go to the paint store and grab a stack of color cards with names like Johnny Yellowcake and Sunny Summer Day. To us, that whole stack of colors would translate to one word: yellow. Our feelings are the same way. You feel emotionally leveraged and insecure about the amount of quality time we spend together. We feel “brown,” with maybe a shoulder shrug or two. Q: Do you think it’s socially acceptable for a man to be a stay-at-home dad? Mr. Mom is a great movie but the idea of a stay-at-home dad is far from socially acceptable. Should it be? Absolutely. Personally, I would love the extra time at home with my son but eventually pride

would get the best of me. Of course, in some cases it’s necessary. Wages are on the rise for women and unemployment numbers are growing more for men. But we’re raised to provide for our families through blood and sweat, not diaper changes and mid-morning trips to the grocery store. Besides, have you seen how terrible of a job we do with the laundry? Do you really want us to shrink any more of your sweaters? Q: My husband feels threatened by the fact that I make more money than he does. How can I make him feel more comfortable? Want to make him feel more comfortable? Try spending that extra money on a recliner. That’s the easiest answer I can give you. But if you want real advice, try opening a separate bank account that you’ll both use to pay the bills. That way, you put in what you want and he puts in what he can, but you put him in charge of making the payments. That way, even if he’s contributing less, he’s equal in managing the household. And no matter how angry you may get during an argument, DO NOT mention what you’re paying for and what he’s paying for. Q: Do men like high-maintenance women? High-maintenance women are

usually hot because they’re obsessed with appearance and what others think of them, but very annoying. I don’t care for it, while other men find that the maintenance – whether it be from two hours spent putting on makeup or an endless stream of drama – keeps it interesting. (As a side, the only women that say, “I hate drama,” are the ones that always seem to be surrounded by it through their own doing.) The men that actually put up with this kind of behavior are generally gluttons for punishment or shallow. By the way, why are you asking? Are you trying to start up some drama with me? Q: What’s the first thing men notice about a woman? Is it confidence? Appearance? Intelligence? It’s the confidence that her intelligence is more important than her appearance. Unless you’re wearing knee-high leather boots and a miniskirt, then we wouldn’t notice a city bus about to run us over. Another route is to try out the sexy librarian look – that way you’re hitting all three at once. Everybody wins. Answers to “Ask a Man” are provided by a boy hidden in the body of a 35-year-old man. He resides in Beaufort with his wife, son, two dogs and a VHS copy of “Mr. Mom.” Submit your questions for the next edition of “Ask a Man” to amanda@nccoast.com.

Figure (From page 18)

look like a fine powder, 1 to 2 minutes, scraping the sides. 4. Beat butter and 1/3 cup granulated sugar in a large bowl with an electric mixer on medium-high speed for 5 minutes. Add brown sugar and 2 tablespoons orange zest and beat another 2 minutes. Add molasses, applesauce, egg yolk, vanilla, baking soda, cinnamon, ginger, cloves, allspice, pepper and salt; beat on medium-high until incorporated, about 30 seconds, scraping down the bowl and beaters as needed.

5. Turn the mixer to medium and slowly add the ground oats. Scrape down the bowl; with the mixer on medium, slowly add whole-wheat flour. (The dough will be moderately sticky.) 6. Using a slightly rounded tablespoon of dough, roll into balls, then roll in the rolling sugar to coat. (If necessary, wet your fingers to help roll without sticking.) The zest will make the mixture slightly wet and it will clump; lightly brush off the excess so that just a thin coat is on the cookie. Place cookies about 1 inch apart on the prepared baking sheet.

INSTEAD OF

REPLACE WITH

BENEFIT

Whole eggs

two egg whites or 1/4 cup egg subsƟtute

Lower cholesterol, fat, saturated fat & calories

Oil/buƩer/margarine

Replace 1/2 with applesauce, canned pumpkin or mashed bananas

Less fat & calories, more fiber

Heavy cream

Fat-free evaporated milk

Lower cholesterol, saturated fat & calories

Sour cream

Nonfat plain Greek yogurt

Lower fat & calories with added probioƟcs and protein

Chocolate

3T cocoa + 1T canola for each ounce

Lower saturated fat

Cake frosƟng

Marshmallow creme or lowfat whipped topping

Lower fat, saturated fat & calories

Whole milk or light cream

Skim or lowfat milk

Lower fat, saturated fat & calories

7. Bake the cookies in batches until the edges are set and the tops are cracked, but the centers are still soft and puffy, about 10 minutes. 8. Let the cookies cool on the baking sheet. Nutritional Information Per cookie: 85 calories; 2 g fat (1 g sat, 0 g mono); 9 mg cholesterol; 16 g carbohydrates; 1 g protein; 1 g fiber; 48 mg sodium; 77 mg potassium. Shannon Guthrie is a registered dietitian & licensed dietitian/nutritionist at Carteret General Hospital and a member of the Sports, Cardiovascular & Wellness Nutritionists and Dietitians in Functional Medicine practice groups. www.nccoast.com

Advertiser index

Crystal would not be possible without the generous support received from our adver sers. As a special “thank you,” we’ve listed those businesses and services below. Please remember to patronize each of them whenever possible because they, like our Crystal readers, are dedicated to suppor ng a voice for women along the Crystal Coast. To join our list of adver sers in suppor ng the next edi on of Crystal, please call 252.247.7442.

America’s Ma ress ...................................... 20 Art and Soul ................................................. 20 Bear Essen als............................................. 33 Blessed Body Day Spa .................................... 4 Budget Blinds................................................. 9 Carolina Sports ............................................ 31 Coastal Cra s Plus ....................................... 31 Crystal Clear Skin Care Center ....................... 7 Crystal Coast Gymnas cs............................. 20 Dee-Gee’s ...................................................... 5 Dental Care Center, The............................... 17 Diamond Shoal Jewelers.............................. 20 Dinner me Magic ........................................ 33 DP Jewelry ..................................................... 2 Emerald Isle Wine Market ............................. 9 Eye to Eye .................................................... 25

Ginny Gordon’s ............................................ 17 Girl Talk & Gynecology................................... 3 Gloria’s Hallmark ........................................... 7 Golden Traits ............................................... 20 Handscapes Gallery ..................................... 20 Harbor Special es ......................................... 5 Hearne’s Jewelers ........................................ 33 House of Silk Flowers..................................... 4 Indulgence Spa ............................................ 17 Island Traders .............................................. 15 J. Chalk Designs ............................................. 9 Jame’s ............................................................ 3 Jarre Bay Boathouse ................................. 20 Johnson Family Den stry ............................ 20 Le Rouge tete............................................... 23 Lighthouse Bou que ................................... 25

NC Aquarium ............................................... 39 New Visage .....................................Back Cover Party Place ................................................... 15 Peacock’s Plume .......................................... 23 Rocking Chair Bookstore.............................. 20 Sanborn Orthodon cs ................................. 15 Second Go Round ........................................ 25 Snug Harbor................................................. 23 Stamper’s .................................................... 15 Swan Feathers ............................................... 4 Tassels ........................................................... 4 Tierra Fina.................................................... 20 Top Deck ........................................................ 5 Twice as Nice ............................................... 33 USA Weight Loss .......................................... 20

Reader (From page 32)

counting, letter/number recognition and sequencing, such as Bingo, memory games, board games, puzzles. • Pre-reading skills can be taught at home – Pre-kindergarten skills can be developed at home through play and repeated exposure. Teach them the parts of the book, how to hold the book and how to follow along on the page reading from left to right. Teach them how to identify letters and introduce them to the sounds the letters make. • Keep at home time, quality time – Don’t over schedule your child in planned activities. Have family dinner together to share each other’s day. Restrict the amount of TV or computer time

your child is exposed to and encourage educational programs and sites. Be sure they get plenty of time to play outside and don’t compromise your reading time. • Homework is a great time to practice reading and build character – When your child enters school, support the teacher. Be sure that homework time is always on the schedule. Reading or reading readiness activities should always be part of homework. This isn’t only time to practice and strengthen skills but it also builds emotional and behavioral skills. Look at homework as a time to build responsibility, autonomy, perseverance, time management, self-reliance, resourcefulness and self-esteem.

Giving (From page 19)

org fully outline the project. Ms. P at Long Creek Elementary School in Huntersville needs tri-fold presentation boards for an upcoming math fair for 4th and 5th graders. Ms. P’s classroom at Stoney Creek Elementary School in Reidsville is lacking a stereo – a challenge for a music teacher. Mrs. R at Trent Park Elementary School in New Bern needs art supplies. Ms. D’s classroom at Richmond Senior High School in Rockingham needs a US history map. And the list goes on. This year alone, the site has seen 1,451 completed projects across the country that have affected some 72,100 students through the help of 10,763 donors. Since 2002, more than $62,240,871 has been raised. To make it easy for donors, the site includes details of the 38

Crystal - a coastal magazine for women

project to be funded as well as a breakdown of the costs and how many children will be affected, giving donors full disclosure about where their money is going. Sherrill, who has received several private grants as well, said the additional funding is vital. And while she continues to apply for outside grants as well, she said donorchoose.org makes it much easier, not only for donors, but for teachers, too. “I think a lot of teachers are unaware that it exists,” Sherrill said. “Teachers are so busy with other things and it’s just one more thing to do. And I think some just sort of feel like there’s no chance that they’ll get it. I apply for just about everything,” she laughed. “I think I’m pretty good at keeping the faith and hoping that proposals will be funded.”

Celebrate by the Sea...

• Rehearsal Dinners • Ceremonies • Receptions We offer complimentary use of our catering kitchen, centerpieces, tables and chairs, housekeeping & event coordination. We also offer rental options for linens, and our NEW dance floor.

For more information, please contact Special Event Coordinators

252-247-4003 Ext 291 or Ext 260 Visit www.ncaquariums.com for a complete rental guide www.nccoast.com

I’M READY TO LOOK AS CONFIDENT AS I FEEL ... MENU OF SERVICES • Facials/Microdermabrasion • Chemical Peels • Botox/Dermal Fillers • Laser Hair Removal • Vein Treatments • Cellulite reduction with Accent RF • Skin Tightening • Prescription grade Skin Care

g a s i e

I’m ready for

When you’re ready for New Visage, Call 252-808-2639 visit www.newvisagenc.com for a full list of our services.

A full service med spa to REJUVENATE your life