SO IT WAS
EVERYONE’S
FAVORITE
SEASON.
GIRL SCOUT
COOKIE SEASON
AND AS PER MY USUAL
BUSINESS TACTICS, I WAS GOING DOOR TO DOOR, STOCKED UP ON TAGALONGS AND OTHER
IRRESISTIBLES,
DELIVERING TO THE MASSES
EXACTLY WHAT THEY
WANTED.
AT
THE
END
OF
THE ROAD,
I NOTICED A NEW HOUSE, BUILT ON THE OTHER SIDE OF
A BIG CREEK WITH NO OBVIOUS DRIVEWAY LEADING TO THE DOOR. HOW HE CAME AND WENT,
I HAD NO IDEA.
BUT, RESOURCEFUL AS I WAS, I ACCEPTED THE CHALLENGE...
AND WAS SWIFTLY AND DAMPLY
DEFEATED.
I ASKED THE LADY NEXT DOOR ABOUT THE STRANGE HOUSE AND NEIGHBOR. SHE SAID HE HAD JUST BUILT THE PLACE, BUT HAD HARDLY CHATTED WITH ANYONE IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD. IT WAS A SHAME, SHE SAID, BECAUSE SHE WAS PART OF THE NEIGHBORHOOD WELCOME COMMITTEE, AND HAD WANTED TO ASK HIM TO BE PART OF THE NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH.
AS I WENT ABOUT MY SALES, I HEARD NEARLY THE SAME STORY FROM EVERYBODY.
I WANTED TO BORROW
HIS CHAINSAW.
I WANTED TO ASK HIM TO RIDE BIKES.
I WANTED TO ASK
FOR A FEW CUPS OF MILK. I WAS HOPING HE COULD HELP ME
MOVE A COUCH.
RESOURCEFUL AS I WAS, I MADE A PROPOSITION.
LOOK HERE, ALL OF YOU HAVE SOMETHING YOU CAN GET RID OF. WHY DON’T WE BUILD A BRIDGE SO WE CAN GET ACROSS TO HIS HOUSE?”
I AM, OF COURSE
A GENIUS.
BY THE TIME WE WERE DONE CONSTRUCTING, IT WAS TOO DARK TO GO CALLING ON A NEIGHBOR, SO I SUGGESTED WE COME BACK THE NEXT DAY, BRIGHT AND EARLY.
I SUPPOSE WE UNDERESTIMATED
THE FORTITUDE OF OUR BRIDGE AND THE
VOLUME OF THE CREEK, AS IT SEEMED THAT WE
FLOODED
HIS HOUSE.
THERE WAS AN ARGUMENT AMONGST US AS TO WHAT TO DO. FIANLLY, THE NEIGHBOR’S DOOR OPENED AND HE STEPPED OUT. WE GREETED HIM WITH JOY AND STATED OUR PURPOSES. BUT HE WAS NOT AS PLEASED AS WE MIGHT HAVE EXPECTED.
I DON’T HAVE A CHAINSAW.
I CAN’T RIDE A BIKE.
I’M LACTOSE INTOLERANT, WHY WOULD I HAVE MILK?
NO, I WILL NOT
MOVE YOUR COUCH.
GOOD GOD,
I HATE
GIRL SCOUT COOKIES.
A L S
M A
IN RETROSPECT, WE SHOULD HAVE ASKED HIM WHAT HE WANTED. OH WELL.