Campus Health pharmacy launches new app to enhance student access
Matthew Burkhart
Editor
NC State’s Campus Health pharmacy has introduced a new mobile app aimed at improving accessibility and convenience for students, faculty and staff. The app, developed by RxLocal, offers features such as secure messaging with pharmacy staff, prescription refill requests and medication reminders.
Thomas Sinodis, Campus Health’s pharmacy director, said the new app is part of an upgrade to the company’s pharmacy management software.
“[It] integrates a lot more closely than our mobile options have in the past, so it can allow for a lot more transparency and ease of use from the patient’s perspective,” Sinodis said.
The app provides users with several functionalities designed to streamline their pharmacy experience on campus. Users can view their complete prescription history and details, access contact information for all healthcare providers who have prescribed medications and utilize a two-way secure text communication system to chat directly with pharmacy staff. Additionally, patients can request prescription refills through the app.
The pharmacy used another software with a partner app previously, but Sinodis said it
was poorly optimized and not user-friendly.
Sinodis said one of the most significant improvements in the new app is its secure messaging feature.
“Our past text communication was not necessarily secure, so we couldn’t discuss types of medications or even the name of a medication over text previously,” Sinodis said.
The new app addresses this issue, allowing for more detailed and tailored communication. The secure messaging also caters to students’ busy schedules.
“A lot of times, if we have to call a student about something, maybe during class or not a great time for them,” Sinodis said. “So it allows them to communicate with us on their own time.”
Sinodis said the new app has received positive feedback for its intuitive interface.
“Everyone really appreciates how userfriendly it is and how easy it is to navigate and how readily available all your information is at your fingertips,” Sinodis said.
The app is available on both the Google Play Store and the Apple App Store. A web portal offers the same functionality through any web browser.
Addressing privacy concerns, Sinodis said the app is housed on a HIPAA-secure server, providing the same level of security as all other pharmacy records.
Daniel Passonno, health educator at Campus Health, said to ensure widespread adoption, Campus Health has launched a comprehensive outreach campaign.
“We made billboard signs, social media posts and sent an email with more information and the billboard to all campus communicators at the university,” Passonno said.
Additionally, the pharmacy is distributing flyers with QR codes to help patients download the app.
While the app is fully released and in its production phase, Sinodis said that the developers continue to fine-tune it.
“As the company develops and adds to it, we’ll just take advantage of whatever else they add,” Sinodis said.
Looking ahead, Campus Health is planning broader technological improvements. Passonno said that the electronic medical record system used by the clinics is undergoing a major overhaul and is expected to be released within the next year.
The update is expected to modernize the online portal for lab results and appointment scheduling, making it more refined and functional.
Students, faculty and staff interested in using the new pharmacy app can download it from their respective app stores under the name “RxLocal” or access it through the web portal. For more information, visit the Campus Health pharmacy website.
Teaching kitchen aids students in meal prep
Dae Reed Correspondent
NC State’s teaching kitchen in Carmichael Recreation Center recently hosted a meal-prepping class, demonstrating how to craft meals ahead of classes. The event showcased the kitchen’s role in educating students about essential life skills while highlighting NC State’s broader nutritional services.
On Jan. 7, Destiny Hill, nutrition and event coordinator, held the first meal planning class of the semester. She said the kitchen was intended to be used by NC State Dining staff to learn and train together. While still used in that capacity, it has also evolved to be an outreach tool to teach students about nutrition and cooking.
“We wanted to start collaborating with student organizations and show them that dining exists outside of the dining halls,” Hill said. “Students can learn how to cook a meal, how to meal prep, how to make different cultural foods and how to support their health and well-being through food.”
help Soo Uhm prepare the “morning glory” muffins, adding coconut flakes for texture and flavor.
The kitchen, equipped with TVs and recording equipment alongside necessary cooking appliances, provides an accessible place for students and staff to learn.
“We facilitate classes that show how to use stuff like your microwave or your stovetop to make elevated meals, or how to pretty much ball on a budget, get as much as you can and create nice recipes with little to no money as well,” Hill said.
Soo Uhm, a registered dietitian and
dietary counselor with Campus Health, taught the meal-prepping class and walked a rotating group of students through the process of baking breakfast muffins; a nutritional, cheap and freezable option. She used multiple recipes for multiple batches, explaining the benefits of certain ingredients, budget options and add-ins that she loves, like seasonal fruits and nuts.
Uhm said that nutrition can seem like a daunting topic, especially for young people
learning to function independently, which is why education in the area is important.
“We always like to do these drop-in sessions because then people can learn about us or learn a new skill — it’s these easy entry points,” Hill said. “Budgeting is hard. Meal prepping is hard. Creating a schedule, finding time to eat. So we’re really trying to find those little places where it’s costeffective, easy-ish and just reasonable for college students.”
News
Swathi Dwarampudi and Ivy Justice
The ins and outs of 2025
Sarah Hoffer Culture Editor
IN
Renewing your passport
Eggs and toast
Driving through yellow traffic lights
The color green
Very long walks and bike rides
Jeans and a white shirt
Dark roast coffee
Being more mysterious
Eating out less
Being able to give someone directions
Wearing clothes that calm down your nervous system
Finding money in your pocket
Withdrawing from the internet
Read receipts
Leaving restaurant reviews
Tummy
OUT
Driving in the rain
Long term storage units
PDFs
Live action remakes
Sending and receiving emails
Using a Tik Tok sound as an Instagram caption
Referring to women who want children as a “trad wife”
Sticking to severe routines
Influencers
Overhead lighting
Artificial peach flavor
Online shopping
Coffee with light ice
The term “yap”
Celebrity worship
Seed oils
Cold brew
Having an exit coming up
Belly
Technician’s New Year’s resolutions
Skye Crawford, Opinion Editor
Kate Denning, Editor-in-Chief
I want to be less hard on myself this year. Everyone deserves grace — even yourself!
Ethan Bakogiannis, Managing Editor
Learn how to enjoy quiet time and moments by myself more.
Justin Welch, Managing Editor
Dress more like seasonal Snoopy.
Matthew Burkhart, News Editor
Connect more with the earth. Touch grass.
Ally Tennant, News Editor
As my frontal lobe develops, I want to give the world more grace. Recognizing we’re all here for the first time so enjoy the little moments, stand on business and hold space.
Sarah Hoffer, Culture Editor
I want to keep some tabs on the little things I do this year, so I plan to keep a sneeze count, wear every item of clothing I own at least once, track every recipe I use and finally unsubscribe from every marketing email list I’m on.
I want to hang up or put away my clothes after trying them on in the morning and deciding not to wear them. It’s harder than it sounds. I failed this morning.
Rocky Berhe, Assistant Opinion Editor
I don’t believe in New Year’s resolutions. If you want to change you will. But good luck!
Colby Trotter, Sports Editor
Give more hugs.
Aidan Carlson, Assistant Sports Editor
Start waking up at a normal human time so I can prepare for getting a real human job when I enter the real human world.
Connor VanDerMark, Assistant Sports Editor
Try to find more happiness in my pathetic sports teams.
Lucy Osborn, Graphics Editor
Add to my sketchbook-turned-junk journal more often! I love keeping scraps of paper, receipts and other fun thingamabobs, so having a place to put them makes me feel slightly less like a hoarder and more crafty.
Cate Humphreys, Photo Editor
Unironically, take more photos.
Ethan Rimolt, Photo Editor Quit Technician.
Nicole Bharrat, Video Editor
I would like to walk more this year. Getting 10,000 steps a day is not only beneficial for you, but I should also get more fresh air, given my apartment maintenance won’t take care of the mold problem.
Jakob Halbur, Assistant Video Editor Watch less NC State games. Really good for the mental health.
Olivia Smith, Copy Desk Chief
This year, I want to be more proactive and procrastinate less — whether it’s by working out in the mornings or making my Google calendar more aesthetic.
Amaya Hush, Design Editor
I would like to start some form of content creation and stay consistent with it long-term.
Laurel Zhang, Assistant Design Editor
I would like to earn more money to cover all of my tuition fees.
Vol. 105 Editorial Board
PATRIOTIC FRAT BOYS SINGLEHANDEDLY SAVE DEMOCRACY, DESTROY WOKE LIBERALS
Akin to the beaches of Normandy, the allied UNC fraternity group, Phigma Ligma Sigma, heroically rushed to their nation’s aid in its most dire hour of need, according to the alliance’s president.
What appeared to be a relatively mundane afternoon on the Polk Place lawn quickly turned perilous when the gaggle of brothers stumbled upon the campus’ banned book club engaging with their current read, “Catching Fire” by Suzanne Collins.
When asked how the men found themselves on the scene, Brock Rockingham responded that the banned book reading “rudely interrupted an otherwise splendid afternoon of day drinking.” The brothers went in search of the sounds of literary genius.
“The boys and I were enjoying a couple of post-class brewskis when those commies in the yard started screaming their lies about ‘class consciousness’ and ‘how the American electorate is under the spell of false consciousness, manipulating us to contest one another instead of the increasingly wealthy corporate aristocratic class,’ when obviously the root of true social and economic disparity is the imminent failure of the old globalized world order as an international system, not just domestic political dynamics,” Rockingham said. “We couldn’t let that BS go on any longer.”
After antagonizing members of the book club, brother Johnny Nelk noticed the nearby flag was at half mast, seemingly slowly making its way further and further down the pole. Nelk alerted his fellow patriots of the injustice. In their drunken stupor, the brave men deduced that the book club was removing the flag in a display of their com-
munist ideology.
Unbeknownst to the brothers of Phigma Ligma Sigma, the flag was at half mast because of Memorial Day.
Nonetheless, the heroes took action. Fearlessly and swiftly entering the heat of battle with only the thought of everlasting democracy and the possible national news coverage they could elicit, they struck the group of dangerous protesters.
Armed with Zyns, a full cooler of Natural Light reinforcements and a handful of Smathers and Branson needlepoint belts, the brothers charged with rousing cries of: “Full send” and “Where my hug at?”, dispersing the crowd in a rush.
With the crowd gone, there was only one thing left to do. Restore Old Glory to glory. The Alliance’s skinniest pledge shimmied up the flagpole and hoisted the grand ole’
flag, and screamed, “No longer will they control us, America or the weather!”
Though the brothers’ actions were as American as the screech of a bald eagle flying over Yosemite, the patriots unfortunately dropped the flag in their celebrations, accidentally desecrating the very fabric they fought so valiantly to protect.
CONTRIBUTED BY WIKIMEDIA COMMONS
Colin Clyde Token Conservative Editor
Students resort to normal hobbies amidst student organization budget cuts
Tina Moore Assistant Affairs Editor
Budget cuts within higher education have been a challenging issue nationwide, resulting in the loss of various humanities and social studies as well as campus amenities. Amongst the many sects affected by these cuts — student housing and DEI programs, for instance — student organizations at UNC-Chapel Hill have certainly been hit the hardest. We spoke to several students who have been forced to abandon their passions for more affordable past times.
Bea Reginald, sophomore and dramatic arts major, used to spend her Thursday afternoons with her Kombucha Leather Club. The club teaches students how to make organic vegan leather using kombucha — which, for those unfamiliar, is a health beverage containing vinegar, sugar, bacteria and yeast.
“Before the cuts, my clubmates and I were able to walk into Whole Foods, purchase our materials with my mom’s Chase and expect swift reimbursement from the university,” Bea said. “Now, I’m worried I’ll have to join an intramural sports team.”
Last year, the university provided a budget of $1.4 million for student organizations. For the 2024-2025 academic year, the school plans to give student organizations just $1.2 million. This comes as a devastating shock to student organizations who were already struggling to fund their organization’s goals.
Dean Bourne, president of the Medium Format Club, says these cuts are jeopardizing already endangered activities.
“I want to be clear that this is especially concerning because medium format film photography is a very serious endeavor,” Bourne said. “If students can’t rely on the university to cover the film, camera and development costs, they’ll be relegated to shooting 35mm, like an Instagram influencer. That’s not art, and it definitely isn’t fair.”
Connie Gentrive, professor of social psychology with a specialization in group be-
havior within college campuses, sat down with DTH and provided a harrowing vision for the future of UNC student life.
“Niche activities and hobbies are extremely beneficial for college students, especially those who, let’s say, have faced less than the average amount of adversity in their life.”
“For these students — which make up the majority of our student population — these hobbies can act as an emotional pacifier for their fears that they don’t deserve anything they have and everyone will realize it one day,” she said.
The squandering of several student organizations across campus may lead to an unfortunate outcome: the return to regularity and form.
“Yes, I’m worried about how some students might adjust to this shift,” Gentrive said. “It can be quite difficult to cultivate a conscientious mind when living in what people might consider the state’s most pleasant ideological bubble.”
Ultimately, this marks a new phase of student life, perhaps a renaissance of productivity and community organization. We also spoke to Seymour Eaknept, a junior studying marketing who recently joined SGA.
“I didn’t have any strong interest in Student Government prior to the cuts, but my friend said it was easy to join, and I needed something for my resume since my addictive algorithm honor society disbanded,” Eaknept said. “I’ve actually gained a lot of unique experience working in the student senate. For one, working with Ms. Markert has been a real delight.”
Walking through campus you’ll notice an iced oat matcha is few and far between. Students have instead opted for hot drip coffee from Starbucks.
“Well I’ve received a number of our Marx and Hegel returns,” said Reid Barley, a librarian at Wilson. “Friedman seems to be flying off the shelves, though.”
It seems the student organization budget cuts have had unintended consequences, causing normalcy to prevail in Chapel Hill.
Bill Belichick confirms rumors about 400-page manifesto titled “The Way of the Tar Heel”
Sam Howl Guest Writer
UNC-Chapel Hill is once again hiring a washed-up legend of the game — who was unable to get a better offer — to inject a winning culture into the program. But this time, there is a plan other than ‘Mack is Back’. Right?
It’s safe to say Chapel Bill Belichick is ready to prove to the agists, the ethically sound and, most importantly, Robert Kraft, that the old cowboy can still get on the horse.
Bill put forth his battle plans in the form of a 400-page manifesto, outlining the path to building a successful football program at a wine and cheese basketball school.
On page one, his first order of business will be to hire Steve Belichick as defensive coordinator. As Bill’s son, Steve has much experience in the Belichick system, doing dishes, mowing the lawn, etc., and also looks the part of a husky, grumpy and boring man. Some question if he is qualified for the job, but as Lebron James proved with his son Bronny, if you’re the GOAT, you can hold an organization hostage and milk it for all the attention and money it can provide. Bill next demanded on page two that, “student media members who bring up my totally normal personal life will be immediately expelled from the university”. It is no surprise that Bill would be somewhat ashamed of his controversial relationship with 24-year-old Jordon Hudson. Age is just
a number, but there is definitely a lot going on there. Luckily, students would be unlikely to boycott such slimy behavior since they don’t show up for football games anyway.
On page 69, Belichick also requested that UNC refrain from dishonorably firing him in the way that they did Mack Brown. Brown’s firing was announced during the week of the biggest game of the season against rival NC State, making a mockery of the poor old man. Belichick was displeased with the procedure involved and stated that they should “respect their elders.”
Belichick’s main emphasis in his manifesto was to highlight that the football program would act as a professional organization, helping players reach their NFL dreams. Many question if there will still be an em-
phasis on education since the university is an academic institution after all. These folks are forgetting that scholarship athletes at Carolina have never gone to class.
One request toward the end was to install a pickleball court in the practice facility, aimed at helping players and coaches enjoy their leisure time. The elderly gentleman is on the fence about retirement, but clearly Bill thinks it would be more fun trying to drag a disgraced and under-supported football program from bottom feeding status to contenders like some kind of video game dynasty mode challenge.
GRAPHIC BY SHEA WOLFE
Undergraduate Senate changes bring NC State Student Body President Allison Markert to UNC
Following reports of UNC’s undergraduate senate gerrymandering the districting and election process (this is a real life thing that they actually did, look it up), radical changes are underway for the student body’s representation. Perhaps the most shocking alteration is the introduction of a new political player to the campus’ legislative chamber: NC State Student Body President Allison Markert.
Markert, whose favorability amongst her NC State constituency has plummeted since vetoing a resolution opposing a ceasefire in Gaza, has a new lease on political life. Rumors have circulated for months that Markert has been deliberating between graduate school at UNC or pursuing an internship with Rep. Tricia Cotham.
The changes to legislative procedure, tucked into a 2023-24 “resolution to clarify other resolutions,” included the creation of a ‘Transitional Council’ who hold sweeping powers between general and spring elections. The first order of this group was to change the electoral process, wherein 22 of the 45 seats in the senate would be elected according to a system of proportional representation with “electoral committees” instead of the traditional major-based districts.
These changes came just weeks before the next election, leaving anyone seeking one of the new seats just days to form a committee with the required 100 signatories and
complete list of candidates. Unsurprisingly, only one committee was able to organize this in time, which happened to be mainly comprised of members on the Transitional Council.
Speaker of the Undergraduate Body Tim Moore Jr., a senior McConnell Scholar studying defense and war profiteering, said the changes reflect a ‘massive’ mandate from voters.
“Yes, it’s unconventional, and it might take a bit for everyone to get accustomed to it,” Moore said. “But I won my seat in this delegation by a record-high margin of 22 votes in 2023. This change cements my — I mean the voters’ — will and is actually a testament to the strength of our campus’ democracy. There was a clear plea from the electorate to consolidate power in this
manner. Anyone who disagrees is a fascist pursuing their own agenda.”
Moreover, according to Moore, the changes symbolize the senators’ drive to replicate real-life legislative procedure.
“We love to play pretend and act like our governance is important to the community, and really hope the General Assembly takes notice of what we’ve done here,” Moore said. “I haven’t learned much about state politics or effective government, but I’m quite sure this is one of the things.”
Markert, known for her theatrical politician-in-training demeanor and SG showings, should be an immediate hit in Chapel Hill politics. Her lack of substantive policy positions combined with her unmatched adherence to genocidal nation-states is sure to resonate with UNC administration.
According to sources familiar with the matter, Markert was enlivened by the prospect of this new form of student electoral manipulation. Keen observers of NC State’s student government apparatus will remember Markert won an unopposed election, and her tenure has presided over a scandal in which SG leadership sought to exploit new members to vote in their favor.
Clarence Alito III, a graduate justice of the UNC supreme court who self-identified as one of the major architects of the changes, admitted the alterations are explicitly gerrymandering.
“Oh hell yea, we just rigged this shit,” Alito said. “This is North Carolina politics 101 — I’m a Republican at Chapel Hill, what the hell else am I supposed to do? Have you paid attention to anything the Board of Trustees and Board of Governors have been up to? You want our governing to reflect the will of the student body and make improvements for them? Grow up. This is about inflating our own ego, stacking the resume and landing a sick consultant job post-grad.”
Coincidentally, Markert’s switch to repping Tar Heel blue will give her new coalition a one vote majority in the senate. This development will enable the group to pursue their legislative agenda without opposition. The lawmakers are expected to finally ratify a number of long-term goals, including the enforcement of capital punishment for student protestors and the abolition of the Daily Tar Hell.
GRAPHIC BY PETER PANTS
Elbridge Gerry Rules and Regulations Correspondent
The Daily Tar Hell editorial board’s spring playlist
Thaddeus Crumps, University Admin Editor: With Arms Wide Open by Creed
Since the university eliminated affirmative action, our doors are wide open to those with successful futures (money).
Chad Sigma, Greek Life Assistant Editor: The Joe Rogan Experience, Episode 4
Nothing like being reminded why we’re here at this amazing school filled with successful men and I guess women. What will you learn after listening to this modern-day masterpiece? UNC’s colors need to bleed red now.
Hoosier Daddy, Tobacco Road Editor: Wagon Wheel by Old Crow Medicine Show
Every time I want to be reminded of why I’m the littlest bro in all the land, I turn on this tune. Really got me through March and April of last year (I still have nightmares about DJ Burns bodying my king Armando).
Bill Belichick, Football Editor: Vampire by Olivia Rodrigo Hsssssss. Bluuoood. ivantasuckzeblodofuyungflowr
Simon Garfunkel, Pretentious
Music Editor: Tangled Up in Tar Heel Blue by Bob Dylan
As I sit in the Pit and gaze uninterestedly at my ‘fel low’ students with Dylan in my ears, I can’t help but think about how much better I am than all of those simpletons listening to their mu sic made after — *shiv ers* — 1971.
Peter Pants, Chris tian Faith Editor: Don’t Stop Believin’ by Journey
Every time I feel low, I put this song on and instantly feel bet ter. Don’t ever stop believin’ in yourself.
Toni Prince, Varsity Blues Editor: Popular by Kristen Che noweth
This song got me through one of the most challenging times of my life. I listened to it on repeat when I didn’t get into NC State and settled on UNC instead. Sometimes, I listen to it when I remember we aren’t paid.
Gunnar Grant, Greek Life Editor: Radioactive by Imagine Dragons I like to listen to this song as I drink from the Old Well. I can’t tell if it’s the song or the lead in the water, but whatever it is sure gets me pumped.
Hugh Jass, Head Honcho of Hearsay: Chapel Hill Town Anthem by The Guy Who Sings Songs About Cities & Towns
Did you guys know that I go to Chapel Hill? Oh yeah by the way I go to UNC-Chapel Hill. WAIT you know Chapel Hill? I live there and go to UNCChapel Hill. My dad went there, and my grandfather and my great grandfather… I think my great great grandfather did too. Did you guys know I go to UNC-Chapel Hill?
Zeebo Tarhillion, Inter-Galactic Collegiate Athletic Association Basketball Editor: Tweaker by LiAngelo Ball
Might be the greatest song of 2025. Brings me back to the 2000s — the last time the Tar Heels were actually good.
Presley Elvis, King of Rocking Rhythm Editor: Sweater Weather by The Neighborhood
I love walking the halls of Wilson Library wearing my black puffer vest and a bowtie that matches my mood while listening to the greatest song ever. It gives me the sweetest, prestigious feeling — like I can rule the world. Every time, I picture myself in a sad girl music video. Have Mercy.
Hordon Judson, White House Intern: Creep by Radiohead
This song reminds me of our amazing new head coach and football legend Bill Belichick. He truly believes in the youth and is always looking to develop young talent.
EDITORIAL: The Daily Tar Hell stands firm against AI allegations
The Human Editorial Board
In a shocking development, The Daily Tar Hell has been accused by the General Office of Dignity, or GOD, of relying on Artificial Intelligence to write its articles. While we appreciate the modern-day appeal of conspiracy theories, we must categorically deny these allegations. Let us assure our readers: Every article is written by flesh-and-blood humans, fueled by caffeine, late nights and the kind of existential dread only college students can truly understand.
Critics claim our articles are suspiciously polished, occasionally repetitive and uncomfortably efficient — hallmarks of AIgenerated content, they say. They point to strange quirks, such as odd phrasing and descriptions of humans with more than five fingers on each hand, as evidence. To these critics, we say: Welcome to the chaos of human creativity, where mistakes and exaggerations are part of the charm.
Make that paragraph shorter and dumb it down, the wording is too much
Critics say our articles are too smooth, a bit repetitive and oddly perfect — just like AI. They even point to weird phrasing and
mentions of people with extra fingers as proof. To them we say: That’s just human creativity at its messiest.
In our defense, we consulted Dr. Manny Appendage, a biology professor at UNCChapel Hill. Dr. Appendage shed light on the so-called “extra fingers” issue, explaining that polydactyly — a condition where humans are born with more than five fingers — is entirely natural, albeit uncommon.
“Extra fingers are just one of nature’s fascinating quirks,” Appendage said. “It’s not impossible for a human writer to envision a world where additional digits are the norm. It’s also possible they’re sleep-deprived college students making creative leaps.”
Appendage added that having extra fingers could even be an advantage.
“Think about how much more efficient typing would be,” Appendage said. While his insight vindicates us, we’d like to clarify that most of our writers do, in fact, have the standard five fingers per hand. Although, we can’t rule out the occasional dream of enhanced multitasking.
Let’s get one thing straight — if AI wrote for The Daily Tar Hell, our articles would
lack the unmistakable human touch. For example, our editors’ meetings wouldn’t involve arguments over whether a pun is “clever” or “painful.” AI wouldn’t accidentally hit “Reply All” on staff emails or submit stories riddled with overused metaphors about caffeine.
Moreover, AI doesn’t make human mistakes. It doesn’t write headlines that require three rewrites or obsessively use parentheses (like this). If we were using AI, our work would probably be more perfect — but also far less fun.
The irony of these allegations is that the very imperfections critics point to — quirky word choices, occasional factual leaps and overly elaborate metaphors — are hallmarks of human creativity, not cold algorithms. AI doesn’t spend hours agonizing over whether to use a semicolon or a dash. AI doesn’t write about the absurdity of being accused of AI usage.
What makes The Daily Tar Hell unique is its authenticity. We’re human, and it shows in every typo, every overambitious analogy and every time we miss a deadline because someone brought donuts and coffee to the office.
To those accusing us of using AI, we pose this challenge: If an algorithm could replicate our brand of chaotic brilliance, wouldn’t it also take credit for our infamous article about the benefits of skipping class to “study sunlight exposure”? And why would AI bother writing this very defense, complete with Appendage’s explanation of why extra fingers are plausible?
The truth is simple: The Daily Tar Hell is powered by humans. Messy, flawed, wonderful humans who occasionally write as if they’re auditioning to be the next chatbot — but only because we’re trying to sound smarter than we are.
The Daily Tar Hell will continue to produce quality content, one typo and ridiculous analogy at a time. To GOD and anyone else questioning our authenticity — we’re human, and we’re proud of it.
Now, if you’ll excuse us, we need to settle a debate over whether “finger-pointing” is too on-the-nose for this piece.
Editor’s Note: This work of satire was partially generated by AI.
Chancellor Lee Roberts launches all-out assault on campus wokeness
In a bold move to combat the alarming lack of patriotism among today’s youth, the university has unveiled a comprehensive plan to inject a much-needed dose of red, white and tar heel blue into campus life.
Chancellor Lee Roberts unveiled the new regulations Thursday at a Board of Governors meeting, sitting next to former Lt. Gov Mark Robinson and North Carolina House Speaker Tim Moore.
“We’ve noticed a disturbing trend of students prioritizing trivial matters like education and critical thinking over their sacred duty to honor the country,” Roberts said. “Well, no more!”
The centerpiece of the university’s patriotism initiative is the new “Star-Spangled Shield” system. Each American flag on campus will now be protected by a state-of-theart security apparatus that would make Fort Knox envious.
“We’re essentially creating a mini Iron Dome for each flag,” Roberts said, likening the new security systems to Israel’s air defense system. “Because nothing says ‘land of the free’ quite like turning our campus into a militarized zone.”
The enhanced security measures come in response to an event last year when proPalestinian protesters removed a U.S. flag, which was later raised by fraternity members.
The security measures include 20-foot brick walls adorned with bald eagle murals, armed guards trained in both marksmanship and good old fashioned American values and a cutting-edge laser grid that plays Kid Rock’s “All Summer Long” when breached. For added protection, a moat filled with apple pie filling will surround each flag.
But the real innovation comes in the form of the FFART, or the “Frats for America Response Team.” This elite unit of khaki-clad
patriots will be on call 24/7, ready to sprint across campus in their Hey Dudes at a moment’s notice to defend Old Glory.
“We’ve equipped them with tactical beer funnels and lacrosse sticks,” Roberts said. “They’re our last line of defense against the scourge of unpatriotic behavior.”
In a sweeping change to admissions, students must now pass a rigorous screening process that can weed out anyone with even the slightest lack of faith in our newly elected president. This includes reciting the Pledge of Allegiance while hooked up to a lie detector, proving their patriotism by at least matching Joey Chestnut’s world record 83 hotdogs eaten in ten minutes and demonstrating the ability to name all 50 states in backwards alphabetical order while doing jumping jacks.
“We believe these measures strike the perfect balance between security and ac cessibility,” Roberts said, shouting over the whir of anti-aircraft guns. “If students can’t be bothered to go through a simple 12-hour vetting process to attend this university, then maybe they should look at one of those woke schools down the road.”
The university has also implemented a new patriotism-focused curriculum. All students, regardless of major, will now be required to take courses such as “Flag Fold ing 101,” “The Art of Encampment Clear ing,” “Shutting Down Peaceful Protests 210” and “How to Divest from Divesting.”
“We’ve noticed that our students spend far too much time learning about ‘science’ and ‘literature,’” Roberts said, making air quotes. “It’s high time we refocus their at tention on what really matters: unwavering devotion to a piece of cloth.”
Not everyone is thrilled with the new measures. Some students have com plained that the new fortifications have made it difficult to navigate campus.
“I’m just trying to get to class, but I
keep running into walls and moats,” said A. Noyed, a third-year studying Colors, Shapes and Numbers. “And don’t get me started on the eagle droppings.”
Chancellor Roberts dismissed these concerns, stating, “If you can’t handle a few obstacles in your path to education, how do you expect to overcome the challenges of being a true patriot in today’s America?”
The university has also introduced a new grading system based on patriotism levels. Students can now earn extra credit by wearing flag-themed clothing, singing the national anthem before each class and reporting any suspiciously unpatriotic behavior among their peers.
FFART has already seen action, responding to several “patriotic emergencies” across campus.
These included a student who failed to remove his hat during the hourly playing of the national anthem and another who was caught glancing at an Al Jazeera headline.
“We’re just doing our part to keep America great,” Brett Chudman, captain of the response team said. “These colors don’t run, and neither do we, unless it’s to save a flag, of course.”
As the sun set on the newly fortified campus, Chancellor Roberts gazed proudly at a flag waving behind its laser grid.
“Let them try to take it down now,” Roberts said, a single tear rolling down his cheek. “USA! USA!”
GRAPHIC BY EVE HILL DEEDE
Gunnar Downs Greek Life Editor
Dating beyond the Tar Heel blue
Dating in college can be difficult. While Carolina offers top-tier candidates, there is an entire world of individuals who didn’t choose to become a Tar Heel. In times of absolute desperation, these mediocre individuals are easy to land with a bit of signature UNC charm. Dating someone who doesn’t bleed Carolina blue is easy with the Daily Tar Hell’s guide on dating those not good enough to attend the Harvard of the South.
1.
Don’t let them forget: You’re a Tar Heel
Not everyone understands the prestige and inherent superiority of attending the UNC System’s flagship school — but for a relationship to work, your partner has to know that they’re dating someone who is simply better than them. More intelligent, more cultured, more legacy admissions is the UNC way. Mention walking through the Pit every morning, or how much work Shapes and Colors 105 is giving you and how stressful the Kenan-Flagler Business School is. Your relationship might not always work out, but just remember SAC 105 — you can’t fit a square peg into a round hole.
4.
Franklin Street: Where dreams come true
Let them know we’re the best basketball school
Let them know that UNC has won 50% of NCAA basketball championships in the last 20 years. Don’t worry, they don’t have the mental facilities or technological know-how to fact check. Regardless of any recent performance issues or slumps, UNC is still the superior school. If they utter “football season,” chuckle and remind them that basketball is the only really important thing. Love is all about flexing your inherent superiority to your partner — and what better way to do that than recapping the 2017 title game, nightly, before bed.
5. 2. 3.
Your partner’s lack of culture and intelligence really isn’t their fault, but it’s your responsibility to introduce it. And what better icon of UNC culture and beauty than Franklin Street? Whether you need to grab dinner with that special someone or catch a late-night riot after a win against Duke, Franklin Street is there. If they mention Hillsborough Street or their own college’s sad strip of bars, smile and say “how quaint.” The sticky floors of Franklin Street may be the epicenter of humanity — but they should be the epicenter of your relationship as well.
True love: Teaching your partner to say “GDTBATH” without gagging
An important test of love is whether your partner can utter a “Go Heels!” without feeling a bit empty inside. School pride is an important part of the Tar Heel lifestyle, and relationships are all about give-and-take. So if your partner cannot renounce their own school completely and swear allegiance to UNC, it’s time to wake up and break up.
Remember the pros and cons of cross-school love
Sure, they might not have the same Tar Heel Spirit or comply with the Carolina Way — but what your partner might lack in upper-middle class parents and I.Q. points, they make up for in real-world experience. And think; whatever rinky-dink backwater school they may have attended, might have even taught them something. And remember: It’s always nice to do something for the less fortunate.
Dating outside of UNC can be tough — but it’s important to keep your head held high and stay unapologetically Carolina. If it doesn’t work out, you can always settle down with a fellow Heel; and who needs the rest of the world when you have us?
UNC summons undead nosferatu to head football program
stood at his Quail Hill bedroom window in a trance-like state. Quietly but distinctly, the young and naive Roberts beckoned to the abyss for a champion, a protector.
The windows blew open with a sudden
Something deep in the Carpathians stirred. The Tar Heels sought a savior for their ailing football program, and though salvation was coming, Chapel Hill might have invited something much more sinister to campus than it intended.
Centuries-old football icon Count to take the reins of UNC’s football program. The legendary coach, known for his “impaling” style of play sure to strike fear into the hearts of any ACC opponents, has a long history of ruthless victory in battles.
Commentators have described Chapel Hill as the perfect landing place for the nosferatu — a match made in hell. Orlok is one of the most infamous names in the
game. His tactics seek to suck the life out of the opposition, and from time to time the air out of the ball. Don’t be surprised to see suspicious rituals conducted in practice or coaching staff deviously spying on rivals to get an upperhand. Though the university has conducted such manipulation before to give their athletes an advantage in the classroom, Orlok will now look to bring this dark magic to the performance on the field.
Orlok signed a $50 million contract to keep him at Kenan Stadium for the next 5 years. Some have criticized the deal, saying Roberts essentially “sold his soul” to bring the undead plague-bearer to North Carolina. Though the program officially says the deal has a definitive deadline, rumors persist that Orlok sensed the chancellor’s desperation and took advantage. It is whispered that the contract was written by Orlok himself in a language completely foreign to Roberts — with its contents entirely unknown — who was then pressured to sign the agreement in his own blood.
Along with an impressive track record, Orlok will bring some unconventional
methods to fire the football team back into relevance. Initial reports from the locker room say practices will now only be conducted during night, all mirrors have been removed from the team’s facilities and a series of new nutritional restrictions will be introduced to the players’ diets. Chief among these, peculiarly, will be the absence of garlic from team meals.
Though the specter of darkness may initially appear like the perfect suitor for UNC, no one with his reputation comes free of controversy. The nosferatu is known to seek and feed off the flesh of young women. Though a potentially dangerous prospect to bring such a voracious entity to campus, Orlok assured the chancellor he was already situated with a 24-year old subject.
Dave Doeren, head coach of rival NC State’s football team, is said to already be preparing tactics to vanquish the new malignant spawn of the devil from the Triangle. Doeren and his staff are seeking the nosferatu’s resting place in hopes of driving a metal stake through its heart, ridding the world of Chapel Hill’s newest evil.
GRAPHIC BY PETER PANTS
Robert Montague Renfield Thrall Correspondent
RJ Davis first human to win 2057 IGCAA Player of the Year Award
STROKEOPOLIS, STR-0k3 — It’s hard to describe the season that 37th year guard RJ Davis had in college basketball. Averaging 31.4 points per game, 22.1 assists and 4.0 steals, Davis was the first to average at least a 30-20-4 since Zeeb Zorguut did so back in 2038.
Davis’ performance was marked by consistency, with a shooting percentage that hovered around 49% from the field and 38% from beyond the arc. His assist totals reflected a keen understanding of spacing and timing, often creating high-percentage scoring opportunities for his teammates. Defensively, Davis contributed steadily, averaging 4.0 steals per game, good enough for second in the league.
The stat lines are undeniably impressive but it’s his intangible leadership qualities that make him so valuable.
With the interruption of the 2024-2025 season by the nine-year Tri-Planetary War, Davis’ collegiate basketball career was put on hold. With lifespans for humans increasing due to new technology, the InterGalactic Collegiate Athletic Association granted the then-fifth year a 30-year eligibility waiver — proportional to one given out before the war.
Many fans of IGCAA basketball questioned if Davis would have the same success going from the NCAA to IGCAA basketball where he wasn’t lining up against opponents of the same species.
The transition wasn’t easy for Davis as he struggled in his first few years, only aver-
aging 11.2 points per game. It wasn’t until the arrival of his new head coach, Oglosh Zirkin that Davis finally broke through the 15-point per-game barrier. “ sjsoabdiw ,” Zirkin said. “dhsowryajdbisdbsiy”
For his impact on the court and in the locker room, Davis earned this year’s IGCAA Player of the Year award, for the best athlete across all of IGCAA sports. Davis became just the fifth basketball player to win the award and the first human to do so.
Davis’ influence isn’t confined to just the hardwood. This season, he introduced a new
scholarship program, the RJ Davis Galactic Future Stars Fund, aimed at supporting underprivileged athletes from lesser-represented planets. By providing financial aid and training facilities, Davis hopes to open portals for players who might otherwise not have the resources to compete at the highest levels.
As for his immediate future, Davis’ ambitions don’t stop at his current success. Following his Player of the Year win, rumors swirled about Davis being scouted for the Inter-Galactic Pro League, the premier league for multi-planetary competition.
For now, Davis’ focus remains squarely on leading his team to the IGCAA championship, a title that has eluded him despite his stellar career. Should he succeed, it would mark the crowning achievement of a career already overflowing with milestones, solidifying his status as one of the elite athletes of his era.
Davis remains a multi-planet basketball icon and whether he continues to play in the IGCAA or make his long-awaited debut in the pros, all eyes are on him.
GRAPHIC BY HUGH JASS
Zeebo Tarhillion
Inter-Galactic Collegiate Athletic Association Basketball Editor
UNC Crime Log
ACADEMIC EXTORTION
Jan. 2, 2025 at 10:31 a.m.
Mitchell Hall
A debate during class escalated when a student accused her professor of being “out of touch” for suggesting that everyone could afford a $600 textbook. “My dad owns the publishing company,” the student claimed. “He’ll pull all the books and make this a lecture-only course.” Sources later confirmed her dad owns a 2% stake in a small subsidiary that prints Sudoku books, but it was enough to spook the professor into compliance.
CRIME REPORT CENSORED
Jan. ???, ??? at ??? ?.?.
??? Hall
This crime report has been removed following “external input” from a parent listed as both a top donor and “distinguished guest” at every one of the chancellor’s Advisory Committee meetings. UNC Crime Log would like to remind readers that some incidents are best left in the shadows of South Building, where legacy admissions and lawyer dads shine brightest.
[No further comment will be issued, per university policy on upsetting donors.]
OLD WELL WATER TAMPERING
Jan. 6, 2025 at 9:16 p.m.
The Old Well
A shocking revelation unfolded when a freshman accidentally discovered that the Old Well water was not actually “water from the heart of UNC tradition,” but rather the same water used in CHEM 101 labs for experiments. After testing it with a basic pH strip, the freshman posted a viral video titled, “The Old Well Exposed: It’s Literally Just Tap Water.” Within hours, the university responded, stating, “We are aware of this rumor and want to assure students that the Old Well remains a sacred spot, regardless of whether the liquid inside it is tap, bottled or... slightly questionable.”
AFFLUENT DISCRIMINATION
Jan. 8, 2025 at 5:29 a.m.
Lee Roberts’ Bedroom
A campus-wide email was sent from administration addressing concerns about “affluence-based discrimination.” The email assured students that “UNC is a safe, inclusive environment. There is no need to post concerns to your ‘Go Heels!’ themed finsta — unless your dad’s on the Board of Trustees. In that case, we value your feedback, generous donations and ability to make problems disappear.”
Editorial Note: UNC Crime Log regrets its inability to verify these accounts but applauds the victims for their bravery in sharing. If you, too, have suffered from affluence assault, please report it immediately — just not during football season.
A tribute to Ripken, the goodest of good boys
Matthew Burkhart News Editor
Ripken the Bat Dog, the tee-fetching black Labrador Retriever at NC State football and Durham Bulls games, died on Jan. 1, 2025 due to a severe, undiagnosed illness, leaving a void that seems impossible to fill in Carter-Finley Stadium and our hearts.
As I sit here, struggling to find words that can adequately capture the impact of this extraordinary dog, I’m transported back to the fall of 2022. I was at my first home game as a member of the marching band, and I’ll never forget the first time I witnessed over 50,000 fans erupt into deafening cheers — not for a touchdown or an interception, but for a black Lab bounding across the field, tee clutched proudly in his mouth.
A budding correspondent for Technician at the time, I instantly visited our newspaper’s website to see if there was any mention of this enigmatic canine. To my surprise there was none, and I decided to reach out to Ripken’s Instagram account in what I thought was a long-shot attempt.
Only four hours later, Ripken’s owner Michael O’Donnell agreed to speak with me and we met for an interview in a matter of days. This article would become more than just my final piece to earn a staff position — it would be the beginning of a profound connection that would shape my college experience.
I remember our first interaction. O’Donnell spoke with such pride as he recounted Ripken’s journey; being born to teeretriever Cowboy Kohl at Boise State University, to retrieving bats with the Holly Springs Salamanders, the Durham Bulls and then retrieving tees with NC State. In our conversation, it was clear that Ripken wasn’t just a working dog; he was family. This sentiment was reinforced every time I saw them together on the sidelines — the bond between man and dog was palpable, a partnership built on trust, love and shared joy.
To call Ripken merely a tee-fetching dog would be a dis-
ETHAN RIMOLT/TECHNICIAN
Ripken the Bat Dog sits in the Court of North Carolina on Monday, Oct. 10, 2022. He fetched bats for the Durham Bulls, kicking tees for NC State football and made appearances for other athletics teams. Ripken passed away on Wednesday, Jan. 1, 2025.
service to his legacy. He was a force of nature, a beacon of joy that lit up Carter-Finley Stadium with each appearance. His sideline barking was a rallying cry, his cuddles with football players a testament to his gentle nature and his star appearances at NHL and NFL games proof of his widespread appeal and celebrity status.
But it was those moments on the playing field that truly defined Ripken’s magic. Being a member of the band, I had a front-row seat to the Ripken show. The pre-game rush to pet him and snap a quick picture became our cherished tradition, a moment of pure joy before the intensity of the game took over.
For us in the marching band, Ripken was more than a mascot — he was a fellow performer, a friend who shared our pre-game jitters and halftime elation. His presence on the sidelines was a constant reminder of the joy that exists in sports beyond the competition.
Ripken’s impact extended far beyond the confines of CarterFinley Stadium. He became a symbol in the NC State canon. His ability to unite thousands with a wagging tail and boundless enthusiasm was nothing short of miraculous. Even once at my summer job, I struck up a conversation with a Wolfpack fan who said she started going to NC State and Durham Bulls games just to see the prized hound.
As we grapple with the loss of this icon, we’re reminded of the incredible impact one dog can have on a community. Ripken wasn’t just NC State’s dog; he was family to every student, alumni and fan who had the privilege of seeing him work his magic. Like most of us, Ripken wasn’t born into the Wolfpack family; but he is forever a part of it.
Michael O’Donnell, we owe you a debt of gratitude. Thank you for sharing Ripken with us, and for allowing him to become such an integral part of our college and gameday experience. Your dedication to Ripken’s training and well-being enabled him to touch countless lives and create memories that will last a lifetime.
To NC State, it’s indeed time to immortalize Ripken’s legacy. A statue would be a fitting tribute to a dog who brought so much joy and unity to our community. It would stand as a reminder of the power of a found family, the importance of community and the value of enjoying the simple joys in life. Rest in peace, Ripken. You were more than our tee dog — you were our friend, our inspiration and a shining example of what it means to live life with enthusiasm and love. Your legacy will live on in the hearts of every Wolfpack fan who had the privilege of seeing you work your magic on the field. We’ll miss your barks, your wagging tail and the way you could make an entire stadium forget about rivalries and scores, if only for a moment.
You’ll forever be our good boy, Ripken. Thank you for the memories, the joy and for showing us what it truly means to be a part of the Wolfpack family.
If it’s dipped in ranch, I ain’t giving it a chance
AJ Toler
Correspondent
One of my hidden talents is that I can eat 15 chicken wings in one sitting, leaving behind just clean bones. The thing that surprises people more than my ability to eat like a linebacker is that I refuse to dip my wings — or anything for that matter — in ranch.
Ranch has dominated the condiment hierarchy for many years, with 40% of Americans reporting it as their favorite dressing in 2018. My ranch aversion has sparked outrage from many devout followers of the sauce, but I believe my rationale for disliking ranch is completely valid.
Ranch was invented in the late 1940s by Steven Henson, a plumbing contractor who concocted the sauce to serve to his workers. After retiring, Henson opened a dude ranch with his wife in Alaska called “Hidden Valley Ranch.” Henson served his condiment to guests, and it quickly grew in popularity, with many requesting jars of it to take home. He went on to create a powdered dressing mix that was sold in grocery stores before selling Hidden Valley Ranch Food Products Inc. to the Clorox Company in 1972.
The fact that ranch was invented by someone without culinary background and sold to a cleaning product company says enough, yet Americans can’t seem to get enough of the sauce. In 2023 alone, American shoppers spent $1.3 billion on bottled ranch dressing.
So, why do I personally hate ranch? For starters, the buttermilk and mayonnaise combined with the oily texture mutes the flavors of any food you pair it with.
Because of its strength, I find little difference between using ranch as a condiment and eating it by the spoonful. I want to enjoy my wings with just hot sauce, not with a greasy film of extra sauce to mask their flavor. Secondly, the visual appeal of ranch leaves much to be desired.
Naturally colorful foods have a variety of flavor whereas white and beige foods generally lack vibrancy. Whenever I see food covered in ranch, I automatically know the flavor will be as dull as its color.
What bothers me the most is the cult-like following and omnipresence ranch possesses. Why do people put ranch on everything they consume? And is it absolutely necessary for everything — from potato chips to frozen pizza — to come in a ranch flavor?
I may lose my cool if I see another crock pot recipe with a packet of ranch mix as its showcase ingredient. I’m not expecting a homecooked meal to be as sophisticated as a dish from a three-Michelen star restaurant, but I think we need to venture out and explore the abundance of spices and fresh herbs.
And don’t get me started on everyone’s infatuation with Wingstop ranch. There are nearly 25,000 TikTok videos under the #WingstopRanch hashtag featuring copycat recipes and mukbangs with copious amounts of the condiment.
In March 2023, Wingstop even collaborated with Buff City Soap to release a ranch-scented bar soap. Disgusting.
The prevalence of ranch-flavored food products on grocery store shelves has become excessive, and I worry that American palates are narrowing because of it. Snack brands should explore new flavor options to reduce the amount of ranch pulsating through the bloodstreams of modern-day consumers, not encourage it.
Some ranch-flavored products are just downright criminal, such as ranch dressing flavored soda or Hidden Valley’s limited edition ice cream.
Come on, America. We’re better than this. You may be wondering what sauces I actually enjoy, but I don’t have a definitive answer to that question. My choice of condiment depends on the type of food I’m eating and whether I want to appreciate the flavors of the dish alone instead.
I have an arguably unhealthy obsession with hot sauce, and I always keep bottles of Sriracha and Valentina handy for when I need a kick. Unlike ranch, hot sauce has a magical way of complimenting a dish rather than outshining its ingredients.
I’m also known to dabble a little in wholegrain or Dijon mustard if it suits the occasion, but I can understand why many people have a distaste for the sharpness of mustard.
As many nutritionists say, any food in excess is unhealthy, and I think it’s fair to assert that Americans have surpassed eating ranch in excess. If you fall under the category of a ranch-stan, I encourage you to explore alternative condiments and how they can best be paired with the food you’re enjoying.
Next time you’re asked what kind of sauce you want with your meal, think to yourself, “Do I really want to be a grown adult who still dips everything in ranch?”
Does the NC State-UNC basketball rivalry still resonate in the transfer portal era?
Since the NCAA allowed immediate eligibility for transfers in 2021, only four players have logged at least 10 minutes in each of the last six regular-season matchups in the NC State and UNC-Chapel Hill basketball rivalry. Three come from the men’s side — UNC’s RJ Davis and Armando Bacot along with NC State’s Casey Morsell — and UNC’s Deja Kelly is the only one on the women’s side.
So the question becomes, does this in-state rivalry still resonate the same? Do players appreciate what this rivalry means when they come from different schools and are usually only sticking around for a year or two? Does it still mean something? Anything?
“It’s still a rivalry, but it’s just not the same,” said Ernie Myers, a member of NC State men’s basketball 1983 national championship team. “I don’t know if it’s the same hatred.”
Over his four-year career with the Wolfpack, Myers played the Tar Heels 10 times, building a genuine disdain for certain players donning the baby blue. Myers faced off against Warren Martin in eight matchups and grew to despise him. It’s the animosity built up over time that made the games between NC State and UNC so intense.
“You get tired of people,” Myers said. “You get into little shoving matches, and you talk crap back. I did that with [Michael] Jordan a lot when I played against him.”
Twenty-four different transfers have played at least 10 minutes in a game in the last six regular-season matchups between the men and women. Twenty players have transferred out during the same period. And of the 65 players who have played 10 minutes in a game,
only 21 have done so four or more times.
“It would be very hard to build up animosity when you don’t even know if that guy will be there next year,” Myers said.
There have been moments over the last few years where that disdain between players was still there. The heavyweight bouts between Bacot and DJ Burns in the paint had a little bit of spice, with Bacot once mocking Burns by wearing Burns’s trademark sunglasses in the locker room after a win. Bacot even admitted that he wanted Duke to beat NC State in the Elite Eight, saying, “I can’t stand NC State.”
Those moments have been few and far between the last couple of seasons, largely because few players have remained in it as long as Bacot, who played the Wolfpack 11 times.
But the truth is, the players have never been the main characters in this rivalry. The rivalry has and will always mean more to the fans. It should mean more to someone who is a fourth-generation NC State student or whose UNC fandom has been passed down from parent to child multiple times.
They are the ones who create the hostile environment when they yell obscenities toward the players. They are the ones who let players know how much this game means when they get to the arena four hours early and pack the stands for warmups.
“For the players specifically, sometimes you’re missing that little spice that you haven’t played against the same players over and over,” said Derek Jordan, an NC State women’s basketball analyst. “But I think just the environment really is what creates the animosity amongst the play. They just feel it. It’s just sort of a feeling when you walk in the building.”
When former NC State guard Jarkel Joiner
transferred from Ole Miss to play his final year with the Wolfpack in 2022-23, he did not know about the rivalry. Joiner quickly found out when fans from both teams found a picture of him wearing a Jordan Tar Heels jersey. Wolfpack fans wanted him to delete the picture while Tar Heels fans reveled in the irony.
And if a player doesn’t understand the game’s magnitude, coaches ensure they will. NC State men’s assistant coach Levi Watkins, who also played for the Wolfpack for four years, stressed the importance of beating UNC to Joiner as soon as he arrived on campus.
Watkins and the fans did their job because when Joiner stepped on the court to play the Tar Heels, he understood this wasn’t just another game.
“You just feel the energy,” Joiner said. “You could tell it wasn’t just a regular ACC game. It was different. It was a rivalry game.”
Despite playing the Tar Heels just twice with a win and a loss, Joiner left his mark on the rivalry in his one season. After losing in Chapel Hill earlier in the season, Joiner tied his season-high with 29 points against the Tar Heels in Raleigh, including 18 in the last 10 minutes of the game after the Wolfpack went down 54-48. He punctuated his performance with an alley-oop from Terquavion Smith that put NC State up 10 with less than two minutes to go.
For Joiner, it was one of the best moments of his college career. Taking down the Tar Heels while also essentially eliminating them from NCAA Tournament contention.
“It’s a real cool experience just being a part of that,” Joiner said. “Going down in history,
beating North Carolina. It’s a cool moment to remember.”
Former NC State women’s guard Raina Perez had a similar experience to Joiner. Perez transferred from Cal State Fullerton and had no idea about the rivalry. She heard her teammates talk about it during the season but didn’t fully understand how much it meant until the weeks leading up to the game.
That’s when she saw the game was sold out, and it’s also when her teammates and coaches started to emphasize the importance of the game.
“Your teammates talking like, ‘Oh, we can’t lose to UNC. We can’t lose to UNC,’” Perez said. “And then you hear coaches talking about it, like, ‘Yeah, this is a big game for us, rivalry, it’s UNC.’ And then when you step on the court and you walk out and your gym is filled up, it’s a sold-out crowd, then that’s when you realize, ‘Oh, this is serious.’”
In her first season with the Wolfpack, COVID-19 restrictions kept the stands empty, but when Reynolds Coliseum was full in her second year, she then understood the magnitude of the matchup.
“I think the fans play a huge part in determining if it’s a big game or not,” Perez said.
Two things can be true. The rivalry has certainly lost some of its intensity on the court in the transfer era. But at the same time, it’s a feud that stands the test of time because of the passion of the two fanbases.
“You lose a little bit of that familiarity with the players,” Jordan said. “But still, the idea of the rivalry is going to remain the same no matter who’s putting on that uniform.”
HALLIE WALKER
Freshman guard Dennis Parker celebrates after scoring during the game against UNC-Chapel Hill in Dean E. Smith Center on Saturday, March 2, 2024. NC State lost to Chapel Hill 79-70.
Colby Trotter
Sports Editor
What does a path to the NCAA Tournament look like for NC State men’s basketball?
Colby Trotter
Sports Editor
Before last week there was little hope NC State men’s basketball could make the NCAA Tournament through an at-large bid. The Wolfpack went 0-4 against power conference opponents outside of the ACC, failing to add any “quality wins” to its tournament resume. But some still saw a path that if NC State stacked up some road wins and pulled off some upsets, it could make the tournament without having to win the league title.
But now after losing at Virginia and Wake Forest, the only path back to “The Big Dance” has to come from winning the conference. Now that sounds a little dramatic given the Pack is only three games into conference play, but when you look at the Wolfpack’s schedule, there aren’t many games it could win that would boost its resume.
There are three Quad 1 games on NC State’s schedule — at Duke, at UNCChapel Hill and versus Pittsburgh — and just two other Quad 2 games on the road. The Pack has four Quad 2 games
at home but winning those doesn’t really move the needle, given you’re supposed to win at home. Meanwhile, NC State has eight Quad 3 games or worse remaining, which are contests it can’t lose.
NC State’s current situation reflects more poorly on the ACC than the Wolfpack itself. The conference is only projected to have five teams in the NCAA Tournament — two are slated to be the last four in — despite adding three schools this year. It has gone 27-79 against teams in the Top 100 in BartTorvik.com’s rankings and went 2-14 in the ACC/SEC challenge.
That’s what made NC State’s losses to Virginia and Wake Forest so costly. It was two Quad 2 road games that only could’ve helped the Wolfpack’s resume. But now because of how weak the ACC, is there just aren’t enough games left for the Pack to prove itself. There are more games NC State can’t afford to lose than there are big wins.
So now, NC State is playing for the highest seed possible in the ACC Tournament because it probably doesn’t want to be in a
COLUMN
NC State football drops the ball on coordinator hires
Noah Teague Staff Writer
While head coach Dave Doeren will return in 2025, NC State football will have new faces at offensive and defensive coordinator. Quarterbacks coach Kurt Roper will take over the play-calling duties on offense, replacing Robert Anae who was fired after an underwhelming 2024 campaign. Meanwhile, replacing coaching standout Tony Gibson is former Baylor analyst DJ Eliot, who will be the Pack’s new defensive coordinator, with safeties and nickels coach Freddie Aughtry-Lindsay serving as co-defensive coordinator. Given Roper and Eliot’s questionable performances as coordinators in the past, the hires don’t inspire much confidence for the 2025 season.
Roper has nine years of experience as an offensive coordinator, but struggled to find consistency. He produced just one offense in the top half of the ACC during his six years at Duke and severely struggled at Florida and South Carolina, finishing no better than 12th in total offense at each SEC stint.
Roper hasn’t called plays since 2017 at South Carolina so there’s a chance he’s improved, but his track record is far from promising. The one major positive with Roper is his ability to work well with quarterbacks — a
key factor since NC State has its own rising star in freshman quarterback CJ Bailey. The freshman showed plenty of potential and could be the next quarterback Roper sends to the NFL. Under Roper’s guidance, quarterbacks like Eli Manning, Thad Lewis and Sean Renfree have gone on to the next level. Roper’s offenses typically have high passing production, including the ACC’s top passing attack at Duke in 2009.
situation where it has to win five games in five days again. But before the Wolfpack even thinks about the conference tournament, it has to find an identity on the court or it could be a team that misses out on the league tournament altogether.
At the beginning of the season, it seemed like NC State would be known as a defensive team. The Wolfpack held Purdue, BYU and Texas under their points per game average and field goal percentage average. While NC State lost all three, it seemed like it found its identity on defense and just needed a little bit more offense to win games.
But during this stretch where the Wolfpack has lost three of four, it has allowed its opponent to shoot over 50% from the field in those three defeats. Not to mention, Wake Forest and Virginia are the two worst-scoring offenses in the ACC.
To make matters worse, NC State averaged just 62 points per game and 40.4% shooting in the three losses, both well below its season averages.
“We just got to be better on defense and
just executing the offense as well,” said senior guard Dontrez Styles. “It’s still early. We’re going to be fine.”
Styles is right that they have to play better offense and defense, but is it early?
Will they be fine?
Before last week it seemed like NC State understood how it had to play to win. Play physical defense. That hasn’t happened as of late. Limit turnovers and force mistakes. It has turned the ball over 24 times and created 18 turnovers in the last three games after leading the ACC in turnover margin entering the week, and the offense still has left much to be desired.
“What’s happening is we’re finding different ways to lose games,” said head coach Kevin Keatts.
Well, the Wolfpack needs to start finding different ways to win games or it will find itself having to pull off the same miracle as last season or even worse, sitting at home watching the ACC Tournament with its fate already sealed.
RIPKEN TRIBUTE
See page 13