Caleb Love’s charity: ‘Brick-by-Brick’

The Law Executive Hater

Making headlines as one of the ACC’s premier shotmissers, junior guard Caleb Love opened up to the local press about his inadequacies in the shooting game, standing for something far bigger than expected.

Right before North Carolina went on its storied NCAA tournament run — that eventually ended in an on-brand humiliation of the Tar Heels — Love was urged by his agent, Terry Watson, to capitalize on his incredibly inefficient scoring prowess through charity work. Heeding that advice, Love opened up the Brick-by-Brick foundation — a charity committed to improving the condition of the homeless population in Chapel Hill. Since March 2022, the fund has raised over $3.45 — with Love contributing $0.01 for every missed shot.

Yes, he’s actually missed nearly 350 attempts since the foundation’s conception.

“It’s just extremely important to me to give back to my community,” Love said. “It means a lot to me to know that when I go out there and stink it up, someone on top of the other team is benefiting from it. Just truly grateful to be in this position.”

The largest concern among skeptics is how little Love contributes to the fund per missed shot. Entering every night as a lock to chunk at least five attempts off front iron with his busted-ass jumpshot; however, Love feels it’s better to play things on the safer end.

“Originally Terry Watson wanted me to contribute way more,” Love said. “Something about using a larger sum of money would help with ‘charity fraud,’ whatever that means. He told me that the money would definitely be going towards a house for someone, though now that I think about it he just hired a contractor.”

Another concern among locals is the concept of charity work for the less fortunate in general, with Chapel Hillians preferring to live in a bubble of self-righteousness without a desire to actually contribute to the lives of those around them.

“I wish that feller would just play some damn ball,” said Carolina fan Cooter Thomas when we confronted him walking out of Walmart with a two-liter of Mountain Dew and a pack of Marlboro Reds. “I don’t give a rat’s ass ‘bout no damn charity. You think Dean Smith would’ve ever gone for something that stupid? Now ‘scuse me, I need to go home and mount my degree from ECU and catch up on ‘Yellowstone.’”

Among ranking players, Love finds himself in the bottom 12 athletes in field goal percentage so far this season — well on pace to pump those contribution numbers up even higher. What could come as a blow to the fund, however, is North Carolina’s dedication to missing the NCAA Tournament this year.

“Obviously less games means less stinkers in the box score,” Love said. “That’ll definitely come as a blow to the larger Chapel Hill area — we were shooting for a $5 contribution this year. Don’t get it twisted, we still have plenty of time to get there, which would put us well on our way at 0.0000089% towards a home here in the Hill.”

When asked about his opinion on Love’s altruism and the impact it’s had on the team, senior forward Armando

Bacot couldn’t provide a single intelligible sentence. Instead, the frontrunner for ACC player of the year drooled all over himself while editing his biceps for his upcoming post on Instagram. With no other options available, we turned to a quote from junior guard RJ Davis.

“Caleb and I share a special bond,” Davis said. “It’s not every day you have an opportunity to get as close with a teammate as he and I have due to occurrences off the court. He truly is the gift that keeps on giving, to everyone, even if you don’t want him to. Like, even if you explicitly tell him ‘That’s my girlfriend, man,’ he’ll do it anyway. Like, I’m serious, why would he do that? Kinda messed up when I sit here and think about it. … [long, incredibly awkward pause] … What was the question?”

Even though the hunt for an appearance in the big dance is fizzling out quickly, the hunt for five dollars is still extremely attainable given Love’s erratic behavior with the ball in his hands. Needing only 155 more missed shots to get there, he has a realistic chance to reach his goal as soon as this Sunday, Feb. 19, when the Tar Heels take on the No. 23 Wolfpack at PNC Arena.