11 Heal Bad Memories

Here’s an illustration. We might compare these memories to scratches or grooves in a vinyl record. Depending on your age, you might struggle with this analogy. A record would sometimes get a scratch on its surface, and then as it rotated, the needle would just drop right into that scratch and the song you’re listening to would loop the same few seconds over and over. If CDs get scratched, they don’t work well either. (This problem doesn’t exist anymore thanks to our music now being in digital form!)

This is similar to how emotional experiences work. We have certain mental and emotional scars or scratches. Our mind constantly falls back into these old grooves and keeps us locked into certain attitudes and patterns of thinking.

These emotions can be triggered by something small or unexpected, a thought, an experience, or a flashback. Any number of things can suddenly trigger one of these memories that we thought we had taken care of. It can come rolling back on us like the ocean tide if we’re not right on top of our thoughts, disciplining ourselves, and making sure that we keep these things suppressed. Otherwise, we tend to put our mind in neutral and just drift right back into some of these old patterns of thinking.

These thoughts are oftentimes fantasies and are almost always both negative and unhealthy by nature. And yet, we continue to harbor them in our minds. We can’t seem to get rid of them. When they come, they seem to take over our behavior and our outlook.

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What’s taking place on the inside always determines what we are seeing on the outside. Therefore, feelings such as anxiety, guilt, fear, and frustration take root and we can’t seem to handle them. We become emotionally fixated.

Take for instance holding a grudge against someone. They either did something to you or didn’t do something to you or for you that you expected and wanted. You begin to harbor a grudge, nurse that grudge, and then carry that grudge. Pretty soon, you’re not carrying the grudge—the grudge is carrying you! It becomes a fixation that you cannot shake. It constantly consumes you.

I see this illustrated often in marriage counseling where problems have occurred (maybe an infidelity) or where harsh words were said. One spouse tucks it away in their mind and emotions. They begin to dwell on it and nurse it and constantly keep it in their mind. It becomes a fixation that they can’t shake. Going forward, every time they view their mate, they view them through the lens of broken emotions. Until they’re ready to give these up and really let God heal them, there’s no chance of healing that marriage.

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This is a longer chapter, but I want you to bear with me because it’s crucial. We will never be able to experience emotional healing until we experience the healing of the memories. This kind of healing is far more significant and miraculous than a physical healing. A person who has these emotional scars is constantly controlled by them, robbing them of the vitality and the mental and emotional health they need, rendering them crippled. So in my opinion, it’s a far greater miracle when God is able—through the submission of that person—to heal them of these emotional broken places than it is to cause a person who is lame to walk again.

As you’re reading this, perhaps there are certain scars that have come to your mind. If so, how can healing take place? This is the big question. Look at 1 Corinthians 13 with me. Paul says this: “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me” (verse 11).

We all know that when a person grows chronologically and physically, they do not necessarily grow intellectually and emotionally. We have scores of people in the world who are getting older and should be getting

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emotionally and mentally more mature but, sadly, that is not the case. Why? Because we have not put away childish things.

The original word used here for “put behind,” “give up,” or “put off” means to reduce to inactivity, to free from, or to render inactive. It never means to destroy, and that’s crucial. Never did this word mean that something was going to be obliterated, annihilated, or erased. What the original word means is that something is reduced to inactivity or someone is freed of its power.

Memories can’t be erased. We do not have the capacity to forget because our minds are not created that way. However, the Bible says that God will forget when it comes to forgiving our sins. He will cleanse us, forgive us of our sins, and separate us from them as far as the east is from the west and remember them against us no more. God chooses to forget all the sinful things that we have done.

When Paul said “when I became a man, I put away childish things,” he is not saying that his childhood memories and experiences were erased and forgotten. What he is saying is that the negative emotions and trauma that surrounded those memories has been removed. The thought itself has not been removed. It’s permanently stored, but all the emotional pressure that surrounded it has lost its power.

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Stingers and Foxes

Let’s consider this analogy. Our bad memories are like a cut that has healed. There is scar tissue there to remind us of the cut. We will bear that scar on our body the rest of our lives, just as we will bear the scars in our minds and emotions. But even though the scar tissue is still there, all the poison and infection has been removed. This is what Paul is saying. He’s saying that God’s Word cleanses us and heals these memories and all the trauma and emotional sting around them to the degree that they no longer have their effect on us.

Paul exclaims in 1 Corinthians 15:55, “Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?” We know that the sting of death is sin and the strength of sin is the law. This is the reason we are absolutely impotent to do anything about our situation. We could not fulfill what the law required to pay the penalty of sin.

Therefore, there was a sting in death because death was mankind’s greatest enemy. Jesus Christ came along, and by fulfilling the law, He was qualified to pay the penalty for sin. He removed the sting of death. Paul could then face death or any fear because the stinger had been removed. Because Jesus has been triumphantly resurrected from the grave, the grave no longer has victory. Jesus has won the victory over death.

What is the sting of these emotional memories? It

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is the guilt that surrounds them, the fear, hurt, and resentment—those feelings of inadequacy and inferiority. Through the catharsis and the healing of the memories, Jesus can remove the sting from that area of your mind. Through His grace, love, and forgiveness, He can reduce those memories to inactivity.

They can’t be erased, but they can be rendered inactive to the point where they no longer keep rearing their ugly head, manipulating our outlook on life, and controlling our behavior. The Lord’s catharsis or healing of the memories will free us from their tyranny. This needs to take place in our lives. Jesus Christ not only heals our sin-sick soul, but also gives us the mental and emotional health that we need.

How does this healing take place? I’m hesitant to give a process or procedure for anything, but let me just share some general ideas for you to think about. First, honestly look at your past. Don’t get caught up in morbid introspection. God’s Word never asks us to do this.

Psalm 19:12 says, “But who can discern their own errors? Forgive my hidden faults.” These faults and thoughts have been repressed to the point that we can’t even look at them honestly. We need to sit down and ask God’s Holy Spirit to give us the ability to look at these areas in a real and honest way.

The memory could have been of something small that your mom or dad or sibling or neighbor said or did. It was just like a pebble in your shoe. The longer you

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wore it, the bigger the blister got. This is what Song of Solomon 2:15 says: “Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards.” These little rascals will destroy the vineyard. What does this mean? It’s the events in our lives that may seem small and foolish (and they are), but they begin to be built up and carried. Rather than like the grain of sand in an oyster that turns into a pearl, it becomes something jagged and destructive in our heart and emotions.

It may be painful to look back at first, but we need to revisit these bad memories. It may have started very small and seemingly insignificant. However, over years of compounding thoughts and rehashing in our minds, we have literally turned the small mole hill into a tremendous emotional mountain.

Let the Healing Begin

Once you’ve identified the bad memory, take Christ back to the experience and let Him be what you need at that moment. “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever” (Hebrews 13:8). He is the great I am. Everything is in the eternal present to Him. We live in the present. Yesterday is the past, and tomorrow is the future. This is not so with God. God is above time in the dimension called eternity. Everything is in the eternal present to Him. Let this reality sink in.

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The experiences that may have been years ago for you are present to Him. Therefore, it’s no problem for Him to go back with you into the past. Allow Him to enter into that experience because He was there anyway. You were just not aware of His presence, or you were disobedient to His presence for some reason. But now, you need to take Him back to that experience. You are inviting Jesus Christ to come in and meet you at that time and be what you needed.

The kind of needs you may have had are as infinite as there are problems. You may have needed an experience of love. Something happened and you felt unloved. As a result, you still have low self-esteem and an unlovable view of yourself. You need to have Jesus Christ meet you there. Just like He took children into His arms and loved them, you need to allow Him to give you the experience of love that you needed so that you can be healed.

Perhaps it was a misunderstanding. Something happened and you felt you were wrongly understood, and it left you with scarred emotions. You need forgiveness because you are harboring a sneaking suspicion that whatever you did is not forgiven by God. Maybe He is still holding it against you. You need to hear Him say that you are forgiven. You are cleansed. It is buried in the sea of His forgetfulness, never to be remembered against you; separated as far as the east is from the west.

You may have needed someone to believe in you.

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Now, you don’t believe in yourself and have an inferiority complex. As a result, you don’t think that other people could ever trust you. You need to go to Jesus. He is saying to you, “I believe in you. I created you special. And if you’ll let me help you, there’s nothing we can’t do together.”

We could go on and on with a list of possible problems and scars. The point is, something happened in your past when someone was not able to be what you needed. You have to take Jesus back to that point and allow Him to be that Person you needed.

You’ll Probably Need Help

It would be beneficial if you also confess this matter to a pastor, counselor, or mature Christian friend. Discuss it with someone who can maintain confidence and never discuss it with anyone else, but who can be a sounding board and confessional for you.

Oftentimes we Protestants have reacted against the Roman Catholic doctrine of confession to the point that we don’t confess to other believers at all. James 5:16 says, “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” There is something emotionally, spiritually, and mentally cleansing about us confessing to another representative of Christ and hearing that person in Christ’s stead say to us, “You are cleansed. You are forgiven!”

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This person will need to pray with you, perhaps lay on hands, and maybe even anoint you with oil (see James 5:14), depending on how the Holy Spirit leads. They should claim with you God’s healing for your particular situation. And then, once it is done, you need to leave it there.

Very closely related to forgiving ourselves is forgiving anyone we are holding anything against. Other people were involved in our negative experiences, either physically or emotionally. As a result, we carry grudges, bitterness, and resentment that can lead to an unforgiving spirit and a negative attitude. Unless we forgive them, we will never receive forgiveness. We must confess these sins and forgive them for everything before God. We need to seek out a mature Christian to help with this process.

Even if we can’t forgive someone in person, we can say “I forgive you” in our minds and in our spirits before God. I absolutely absolve you from my experience. Just as God has separated my sin and that situation as far as the east is from the west, I absolutely separate you from that experience through forgiveness; never to hold another feeling of unforgiveness toward you.

Go on the offensive in this area in the days ahead because Satan will try to make you think things are not taken care of. He will try to trigger those old thoughts again. Again, Paul said in 2 Corinthians 10:5 to “take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” This means if your mind goes into neutral, then you’ll tend to drift toward the old thought patterns. So, you’ve

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