Are Couple's Discussions A Battle For Control?
Stop Putting Down Your Spouse Now, Or Pay The Consequences Later!
We are the end result of previous life experiences; so we end up prisoners of old conceptions about gender roles. Engraved in our brains as truths are some “primordial� concepts that make men in relationship to be continuously in the push either to get, manage or recover control... Some men have been raised to be the ultimate decision-maker, the higher level of control of what happens in the family and the ultimate reference concerning choices for the whole family group. Yes, still we have men deeply thinking that have to be the head of the house: meaning the decision-making cold thinking head. In this polarized conversation, whatever comes from the soft side, from emotions, is perceived as a threat to the cristal clear vision that logic-based thinking provides....Women end up labeled as emotional, irrational beings not having a cold head to make good decisions. Know what? it we re-frame the whole interaction as a conversation where both sides need to learn from each other, then it is more clear what is going on...beyond accepting that having a rational decision is the purpose, we get to see that the whole exercise has the purpose of connecting both sides of the couple! Even when he thinks that there is a need to decide rationally, and she wants to be listened to, both are struggling to reach out to the other, and are
being blindsided by their old, ineffective mental maps. Focusing on the more important question: how do we communicate with each other? will do away with preconceived role models. If we accept that touching base with each other at the level of mutual acceptance and respect helps both feel appreciated, then the dispute melts away. Finally, all disputes are ways of asking for the other side’s engagement and support. Instead of asking: what are we here fighting for? we could ask: what is what we now need from each other? Nora Femenia, PhD is passionate about supporting people's recovery from emotional abuse once and for all. Nora has created a powerful set of tools for helping women and men break out of the mind-set that keeps them trapped in a toxic relationship, by first discovering their unconscious beliefs and family blueprints that prevent them from seeking their own happiness. To know more about her latest book "Recovering From Emotionally Abusive Relationships" please visit http://www.healingemotionalabuse.com