Living With a Passive Aggressive Partner
ŠArya Dwipangga
For more information about passive aggressive behavior, please visit this website: http://www.esnips.com/doc/dbec344d-ef2d-441f-a2ebaf4a723a8f97/livingwithapa.doc-2 Are you wondering why you are living a miserable life and not the life that you dreamed of? If the answer for this is pointing towards your partner's behavior, then you must think of the things that you really want in life. In this article, you would begin to think of ways you can defend yourself from passive aggression. To defend yourself from being guilty or angry, you must be aware of the cause of your partner's behavior. Dealing with your partner's passive aggressive behavior is very frustrating. If you do not do anything about the problem, it can lead to many serious problems. Tolerating a passive aggressive behavior could create a pattern where you and your partner avoid problems rather that dealing with them.
You can combat this kind of behavior by recognizing it. You should be aware that in the end, it will always be YOU who will suffer everything. You should be able to STOP that wrecker behavior! If your partner complains about anything and everything, does not keep promises, blames you for their own problems and avoids confrontation, then your partner could be a potential wrecker in your loving relationship. At first glance, your partner may appear quite friendly but at some point, you will be challenged negatively by your partner's inconsistent, passive aggressive behavioral pattern. Your partner with this kind of behavior can be inconsistent and ambiguous. He often expects you to read his mind and meet all his needs. Silence becomes a tool of escape if he proves his inability to live up to his obligations or responsibilities. He puts blame on you when everything falls apart. In the end, you will be the one to face his issues, making you feel frustrated, confused, offended, and depressed.
Now, you will wonder HOW to deal with this behavior. You must keep in mind that this is NOT your fault. If your partner cannot deal with his own issues in life, it has nothing to do with you. If you think fixing it for him would make things better, then you are doing a wrong move. You would be wasting your time feeling guilty over something and this will not solve the problem easily. You cannot get your needs met and you become a martyr-victim who will suffer emotionally, and that will lead you to your own destruction. Do not make yourself miserable! You have to make a deal with your partner. Be direct about how you feel by bringing up the problems and explain to your partner how you would like him to respond to this. You must make him understand that if you do not communicate, it will affect you and your relationship as a whole.
Communication is the key to help you both grow as a couple. Talking about your fears and concerns openly will help you understand each other deeply. Fair fighting can work in your situation. Try to dissect his patterns and confront him with his destructive tendencies. Do not protect him from how you feel because this directly affects YOU. Constantly remind him of the consequences if he allows himself to be eaten by his personal demons. Let him make solid decisions for himself and that he has to stick to it. If there is an attempt to control you through anger, like sarcasm or irritability, you must make him realize that his anger is a result of his fears. Find out the reasons of his anger. Silent treatment will never be a good way to solve problems because it is going to cause further distance to the both of you. Remember: If a relationship which do not allow straight talk, cooperation and expression, it can become destructive. When things do not improve, then it is time for you to find help from someone who understands this behavior. If things are not workable, then it is time for you to take a good look at your need to live with conflict. Move on with your life. Nora Femenia, Ph.D. is a well-known coach, conflict solver and trainer, and CEO of Creative Conflict Resolutions, Inc. She has written multiple publications about happy, healthy marriages and how to enhance marital happiness, including her latest book on passive aggressive behavior, “Recovering from Passive Aggression.� Her innovative and compassionate conflict solutions are offered as e-books, articles and life-changing coaching sessions, all available from her blog: Creative Conflicts