“Lean into the new ideas

you will encounter in your classes even when they don’t make sense. Lean into the perspectives of your new classmates, even if you at first disagree. Lean into sharing your own beliefs, in class and with your peers, even if they are first met with silence. Lean into the losses as much as the wins, taking what you can learn from them.” tied off at a couple of places, similarly the webbing of a lacrosse stick — at least the old-fashioned woven kind — and of the pocket of a baseball glove are incredibly strong, durable, and effective. The netting of all sorts of goals is woven as well.

For each of these examples it is the tension in the weaving that gives them their strength. Think of how strong a baseball glove or lacrosse stick has to be to catch a ball thrown or hit at upwards of 100 miles per hour without breaking. Now, think of the moment the ball goes in there, and slow it down in your mind to see the way the strings or strips of leather stretch and bend to absorb the force and then bind together to stop the ball. As you can see, internal tension gives both strength and flexibility, even under moments of extreme stress. I would argue the same is true for each of you. Internal tension gives you strength and flexibility in every way, not just physically but also intellectually and certainly psychologically. That is the type of tension I want to discuss today.

There are lots of examples of this type of tension, and I will use your own words to identify some of them in a moment. First, I would like to share one that I believe is critical — and relevant — for you and your futures and that relates to much of what you have experienced in your years here. About a decade and a half ago, a friend of mine

Five of our 2022 graduates are children of alumni: Michael DiBiasio ’90, Tucker Golden ’90, Paula Kennedy Harrigan ’81, Abigail Manny Newport ’89 and Jennifer Bentley Rivera ’91.

7. Paul, Matthew and Gloria Schell

8. Tucker Golden ’90, Paula Kennedy Harrigan ’81 and Michael DiBiasio ’90

9. Matthew, Marisa, James, Michael ’90, Caroline, Dolf, Josephine, Daniel ’92, Madeline, Isabelle, Avery and Ali DiBiasio

10. Ricky Rivera, Matthew and Jennifer Bentley Rivera ’91

11. Maggie, Abigail Manny, Tully, Riley and Abigail Manny Newport ’89

12. Paula Kennedy Harrigan ’81, Annie and Bo Harrigan

13. Tucker ’90, James, Oliver and Gwen Golden started an entirely new division in a large company we all know. He had to hire a team of 100 new employees to start the division. When I asked him what qualities he was seeking, he said that he wanted people who have conviction in their beliefs and also display comfort with ambiguity.

Think about that for a moment: conviction in beliefs can sound fixed. I believe it, I can articulate why, and that is that. I am certain: it’s true. But comfort with ambiguity suggests anything but fixed. It is to be open to new ideas and thoughts and information and open even to uncertainty itself. That seems like the very opposite. Yet comfort with ambiguity can be aimless if not anchored by beliefs, just like conviction in beliefs can be rigid without the balance that being comfortable with ambiguity provides.

And that is where this good kind of tension comes in — in concepts that can seem to be in opposition to one another and yet exist in a sort of symbiosis. Together, like the opposite-direction-crosshatching in weaving, they ultimately result in something better, something stronger, something more flexible. Certainly enough to get you hired for a great job at a Fortune 100 company.

But this sort of tension is uncomfortable. It is not always easy to see the connection between seemingly contrary ideas, and that can actually feel more difficult. I feel the butterflies in my stomach when I am nervous and tension in my shoulders when I am stressed, and I even feel pressure behind my eyes when I experience real uncertainty. None of those feelings are pleasant.

That is why I am speaking to you today about tension. Though it might feel uncomfortable, I believe leaning into these sorts of tensions is one of the most important skills needed to navigate our dynamic world. Think about the ways the world — almost every dimension of it — has changed just in your years in the Upper School like Matt [Rivera] described. It is head-spinning. But if you can identify and lean through the discomfort into these sorts of tensions, you can build strength and flexibility, which will make you more capable of seeing opportunities, of adapting and changing, and that will result in success. In many ways, it is not unlike the athlete reading the opponent and the landscape of the game to get past them or defend from them.

Before we move forward, let’s go back to the tension I mentioned earlier that you might think of more normally and more negatively — stress. In fact, stress is good for you, too, at least in the right dose. Physiologically, the way our bodies build muscle after lifting weights or working out is that they repair lots of tiny tears that occurred during the workout. The result has more connection and more strength. Stressing your muscles, creating tiny tears in them, actually makes them stronger.

So, here at Country School, we have intentionally “worked out” your brains — in addition to your other muscles — during your time here. We have introduced you to tensions just like this in so many of your classes. So much of our goal is to challenge you to think deeply, to question confidently and to act generously, and it is through experiencing stress and grappling with moments of tension that you have learned to do so.

And I know you know and live this — because I have listened to you. You have so many of these lessons inside of you — almost intuitively at this point. Matt just shared a number of them right now. One year ago, I stood here and read the ‘one best piece of advice you have ever received’ that each of you shared with Mr. McDonough in Life Skills.

And this year I listened to your “This I Believe” speeches. Many of these involved living within tension. You talked about not taking things for granted, about stepping outside of your comfort zone, about living in the moment rather than worrying about the future, about engaging in the little moments, about committing to something you love and taking advantage of opportunities, about the challenge in making a change and taking lessons from loss, about having confidence in yourself as you are working towards your dreams, and about the blessings of life being difficult.