A journey to (self)love

PinkCat

by Jazie Pilones

“ Y ou cannot love others until you love yourself first.” I couldn’t count how many times people have told me this, but to me, it’s not something that I believe in or follow. Somehow, I just find it depriving oneself of loving others just cause they haven’t loved themselves yet.

What is “self-love”? Really…? These are exactly the words my friends or other people I know often ask each other. Nobody could give a sure answer but to them, if it’s something that benefits them, internally or externally, then it’s probably it.

I didn’t know what self-love meant or if it even existed. I was in my 20s when I first encountered it through my college professor, who I used to hate because I found her to be a really difficult person, though she later turned out to be a good friend, mentor, and even a second mother to me up to this day. Who would’ve thought? I remember sharing with her about not being able to give my best in anything I do because I doubt myself too much. She told me things that helped me see my value and believe in who I am. Her wise words and advice surely guided me in my path to self-love.

It has been four years since I first learned and practiced it but those four years weren’t enough to master it. Like learning a foreign language or trying a new skill, mastering self-love needs one to invest in him/herself as much time, effort, and money as you would spend on your French classes or as much conviction as to give up your rest day to improve your archery form. Yourself is your best investment, and self-love will take a lifetime to master.

For all those who are still struggling with themselves, there are simple practices that have helped me love myself more and become a better person to my friends, family, and others every single day. Check them out and you can try them for yourself, too!

Accepting that you’re human and you’re not perfect. Growing up a perfectionist, I’m not easily pleased with what I do and I often beat myself up when I think I haven’t done enough academically or in something else. Pressure is also a factor especially when your family expects a lot from you and often compares you to others.

The world is big and you’ll meet others who are smarter and more talented than you. The best thing you could do for yourself is to accept reality and learn best from capable individuals where you can improve your skills.

Be kind to yourself. It is important that you understand yourself and accept your weaknesses while also acknowledging your strengths. Understand yourself like how you understand the people around you, especially your loved ones. And by knowing your weaknesses, you’d learn more about your limits, and by acknowledging your strengths, you learn more about what you’re truly capable of and keep on improving on them.

Learn to forgive yourself. This isn’t always easy to do because we’re so used to being hard on ourselves that we forget we need this too. We’re human and we’re not perfect therefore it’s normal to make mistakes. Mistakes are part of our existence and they’re for us to take knowledge from, not something to punish ourselves with.

Forgive yourself for the mistakes in the past that have burdened you. Forgive those times when you’ve made bad decisions for yourself. These are things we no longer have power over and what we have now are our present and our future. Learn from those experiences, and look at them from a brighter side because they were necessary for us to grow.

Embrace and love your flaws. I meant the flaws in our bodies that we like to cover up and hide because we’re ashamed of them. Perfect beauty and body standards have been set high by the media and cosmetics. We try to attain perfect and unattainable beauty and compare ourselves to models and see our imperfections as disgusting. We tend to forget that our flaws are exactly what makes us beautiful and we shouldn’t be ashamed of them. What the media brings to us about perfect beauty isn’t real.

Love your body. Love your size. Love your color. Love those imperfect curves. Love your stretch marks. Love your scars. Don’t let anybody tell you what perfect beauty is.

Be true to yourself. Cate Blanchett once said, “We have not to be frightened of going into dangerous impolite places and people not liking what we do or not liking what we say.”

We must stop trying to be somebody else just so we can have the praise and other people’s attention. Let us not do something to please others and seek their approval. We don’t need them. Instead, let us do something that makes us happy, something true to who we are. Do something to please ourselves and not anybody else’s. Let us not be afraid to express what we are and do what we want just because. Anywhere we go or whatever we do, there will always be criticisms, but it’s not their opinions about us that matter, it’s about being true to who we are and being able to project that to others.

Choose to be happy. A cheerful AGT contestant who was given a 2% chance of survival brought hope to the world after sharing what she’s been through and when she said, “You can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore before you decide to be happy.”

I grew up earning the things and outcomes I want to have, and I’ve lived most of my life believing that everything is earned, even my happiness. If it wasn’t for what Nightbirde said, I wouldn’t have a change in perspective when it comes to my happiness. Not everything in life needs to be earned, and happiness is something we choose for ourselves because we’re all entitled to it.

Live a healthy life. Self-care is as important as self-love. Our body is our temple and ourselves is our best investment. Exercise and eat and drink food that nourishes both your body and mind.

Surround yourself with the right people. We grow according to the people we surround ourselves with every day. So, find people who help you grow, those who love, support, and encourage you. Those who believe in you and in what you can do. Those who uplift your spirits. Those who don’t compare you to others and trample you. Pick your community wisely and do not be afraid to get rid of toxic family and friends.

Spend time alone. Whenever I feel bad after fighting with my family, I’d always spend my time in my happy place, a fish pond. A place where I feel myself. Where I don’t have to fight my demons. Where the air isn’t suffocating. Where there is peace.

We often run out of energy from socializing with families and friends or experiencing burnout and stress from work. Spend time with yourself. Alone. Away from the city, if you want to. Go camping in the mountains or lie on your hammock by the shore. Get away from distractions. No TV. No phone. No internet. Think about all the good things in your life, everything that you’re grateful for. Find your happy place where you can be your authentic self, happy and at peace.

Or you can spend your time with yourself by doing something creative. Explore the inner artist in you. Or step outside of your comfort zone and try something new and crazy that challenges you. Express yourself in whichever way you like.

Live with purpose. Know what you want to do with your life. Find a goal, a purpose, and make decisions that will support your goals. You don’t have to take big steps in order to get to where you want to be or what you want to have. Take small, careful steps towards your life’s goal. Find meaning in what you do and enjoy every moment of every step. Learn from them as much as you can.

Do not be afraid if you think you are running out of time and you still haven’t found your purpose yet. It is not a race. Live life according to your own pace.

Invest in skills and knowledge. There are so many interesting things and activities around the world. Find something that interests you and learn it. You can read about it, join seminars or training, attend class or look it up on YouTube. There are plenty of ways to learn new things, so give it a try. This will allow you to give something to yourself that can be beneficial in the years to come. It’s okay to try something new and different in your life, there’s no shame in that, but not trying would be.

As we keep growing as a person, self-love will evolve too. Therefore, we must be open to change and continue to understand ourselves, others, and all that surrounds us. Take this reminder for me, will you? Always remember that you are your best investment, so keep on working on yourself. I wish you all the best and know that you are loved.