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from Lifestyles After 50 Sarasota Edition, January 2022

Take advantage of

“Eightysomethings: A Practical Guide to Letting Go, Aging Well, and Finding Unexpected Happiness”

BY KATHY A. MEGYERI

Author Katharine Esty is a social psychologist, practicing psychotherapist, widow, mother of four sons and a grandmother. A therapist for 30 years, she has counseled thousands and has written many non-fiction books, but has now released a self-help book for those of us in our 80s. When she turned 80, Esty realized that others her age comprised the fastest growing cohort in America, but there was not a single self-help book written for them or a guide for middle-aged children (like her sons) on how to deal with aging parents. She set out to examine if the negative stereotypes of failing health and diminished vitality were true, and then she wanted to see if people in their 80s (like her) have lessons for the rest of us. Esty interviewed 128 people in their 80s and 26 of their adult children. She looked at the ways they dealt with life’s transitions by examining their health, grandchildren, living arrangements, finances, sex and intimacy, and views of death. From her interviews, which were shockingly honest, she saw first-hand “upside down parents” when children have to become the parents. This book also functions as a guide for adult children to help them as their parents enter the last stage of life. She offers practical advice and conversation starters, so needed when commonalities often decrease as children live away and time together is lessened. Instead of writing in generalities, the book’s anecdotes and observations are believable and funny, while the offered recommendations are practical and smart. At the end of each chapter, the conversation starters and tips for families for those over 80 would be most valuable for students studying gerontology and caregivers who oftentimes have to treat both children and parents as they navigate new territory in life’s last journey. Esty, as a therapist, is able to see the big picture of this aging cohort, weave individual stories and vignettes, and bring in her personal insight and her professional career in therapy to lessen the dread of growing old. Instead, she directs us to new and varied ways to find unexpected happiness. Esty’s final piece of advice is to “do what you enjoy; live your life from the heart rather than from the head.” No wonder the book won The American Book Fest Best Book Award in Health: Aging/50+.

Image from Simon and Schuster