NOVEMBER 21 - 27 | 2012
SURVIVING THANKSGIVING TNR’S guide to getting past being grateful (Page 2)
: CRAFTY SUPERMARKET 6
ONO’S BIRTHDAY BASH 8
NOV. 21 - 27, 2012 — NEWSRECORD.ORG —TNR EXTRA
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THANKSGIVING FUN
Operation: Thanksgiving Survival
T
hanksgiving is allegedly about being grateful for all the things in your blessed life, but we all know it’s really about gluttony, fighting with your relatives, watching football and drinking inordinate amounts of alcohol. So, we here at The News Record would like to offer you this guide to getting through the celebration of one of America’s most infamous slaughters. Enjoy, folks, see you on the other side.
DEALING WITH THE USUAL (FAMILY) SUSPECTS
The Liberal, Hippie Aunt
A GRAPHIC GUIDE So you’ve been put in charge of carving a turkey... Consider this a time trial and your first test as a functioning adult. Be sober or a highly dexterous drunk before setting out.
She is grateful for all the “peace” in the world, and hopes those “war criminals” in Israel stop killing the militants. Unfortunately, she left the sanity train a long time ago and still thinks there’s hope for the world. Keep drinking, soon enough you won’t be able to understand her. Either way, she’ll be the first one fed to the zombies.
the drunk, lascivious (RACIST) uncle He’s the guy who showed all the boys in the family pornography way before they were ready. This guy makes racist jokes, waxes misogynistic about the “broads” and usually shows up drunk at noon. Let him be, this guy was getting in bar-room brawls before John Travolta was the “Drug Store Cowboy” — pick your battles if you want to live to see Christmas.
THE TEENY-BOPPER TEXTER
With the assumption that you’ve seen “Dexter,” take a knife and make an incision that goes into the meat delicately, with purpose, holding the bone as you do, pulling it away. If it is befitting, make eye contact with a member of your family and smile slightly as you do so.
She’s the 14 year old who makes hashtags about the rest of the people on this list. She takes selfies with the turkey and wears her bun way too high. Ask her to do this dishes, and she’ll bring her cellphone with her — even if the water splashes. She stays mostly to herself. All you need to do is stay out of the background of her pictures.
THE INNOCENT In battle, there is collateral damage. Those who are caught in the crossfire are often those who neither deserve nor are asking for it. They deserve our sympathy if not anything else. Be there to comfort the innocent, for they may one day become one of those on this list. Plus, it’s never too early to let your little cousin know what Wild Turkey 101 is.
(Graphic from MCT, text by TNR.)
Cut the meat horizontally into strips that look suitable. Eyeball it. Be sure to save the scraps and mess-ups for the most disliked person on the list to the left.
THE ‘GENIUS’ PHILOSOPHER He’s the pretentious 27 year old who majored in philosophy and graduated in ’08 but doesn’t have a job. He brings a Tofurkey. His pants are tighter than your high school girlfriend’s (or sister’s), and he wears skullcaps inside for some reason. He somehow has an opinion for every topic and it’s miraculously always the opposite of everyone else’s. Basically, he’s one more thanksgiving away from no longer being invited and he’s three weeks away from moving back in with his parents. You don’t with this guy. Either that or drip turkey blood and giblets on his Radiohead T-shirt.
Cut down the middle of the bird, gently prodding it with a fork in your other hand. Remove any arrow tattoos that the bird got in its rebellious phase.
Hold the knife awkwardly and push toward your hand. Make sure your fingers aren’t tucked in, as blood is a suitable substitute for cranberry sauce.
Cut off the rest of the extremities, keeping a careful eye on the wishbone so that you too may wish for fortune by breaking the bones of your slain enemy.
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tyler bell | staff photographer
BEARCATS’ FIRST FAMILY President Santa Ono with his wife and daughters Monday.
@PrezOno at 50 President’s birthday bash benefits Veterans’ One Stop Center
Benjamin goldschmidt chief reporter University of Cincinnati President Santa Ono celebrated his 50th birthday Monday at the Sheakley Athletic Center by hosting a fundraiser for the new Veterans One Stop Center. Though Ono’s birthday is not until Friday, hundreds of faculty members and students came to celebrate and donate to the cause. Various restaurants and catering companies — such as Skyline, Papa Johns, Graeter’s and Funky’s Catering — donated food to the university. “I’m simply overwhelmed, and I’d like to say that the best birthday present I could ever have is to become president of UC,” Ono said. “I hope that a lot of people have fun and that we support the veteran’s center like it deserves to be supported.” Approximately $30,000 was raised for the veterans’ center before the ceremony began, Ono said. Deborah Merchant, associate vice president of student affairs and services, talked to the crowd about the recently opened veteran’s center and how it will help students returning from military service. “Four years ago, our university anticipated
the influx of student veterans to our campus, and so a task force was assembled by the office of the provost to make UC the preeminent destination for veterans,” Merchant said. “At this time, we have over 1,200 veterans choosing to enroll here at UC.” Ryan Hays, UC’s executive vice president, said this style of fundraiser has been done in the past with other faculty members’ milestone birthdays. “Instead of just all getting together and celebrating [Ono’s] birthday, and then we all leave and nothing is better as a result, we decided no, wouldn’t it be great to get all these people together and use that as a launchpad to raise money for — in this case — the veteran’s center,” Hays said. Emmalee Reiser, director of veteran’s affairs for student government, thanked Ono for his continuous support of veteran’s issues on behalf of student government, veterans and ROTC students. “It’s because the donations and the good work that happens at that center that the men and women who have chosen to serve our country can receive a world class education and college experience at the hottest college in America,” Reiser said.
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NOV. 21 - 27, 2012 — LIFE & ARTS — NEWSRECORD.ORG —TNR EXTRA
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LIFE & ARTS
CRAFTY SUPERMARKET
DANI KOKOCHAK SENIOR REPORTER
for the shopper and the seller.” Customers admired and purchased artisan crafts from hand-blown glass and printed posters to handcrafted Handmade craft vendors traveled from across the jewelry and clothing. county and country Saturday to share their art with “You should always be buying local — it’s the right customers at Crafty Supermarket, an annual holiday craft thing to do. It’s amazing. I am so happy they have this show. show,” said Penny Poirier, a shopper from Cincinnati. “It From 11 a.m. to 6 p.m., Ohio residents made their way makes you feel like you don’t live in a city.” to the Clifton Cultural Arts Center (CCAC) to socialize, Hands-on craft stations were set up throughout the shop and see what new products the indie craft market show for the imaginative at heart. Local food vendors set had to offer. up outside the center to provide hungry shoppers with a Co-founded in 2009 by Grace Dobush, Crafty tasty lunch. Supermarket began as a book release party for her first “The food is wonderful. The first thing we did was eat book, Crafty Superstar. lunch. Now we are shopping, and it’s great,” “We wanted to put together a craft show because said Lora Johnson, a Cincinnati shopper. there hadn’t really been an indie craft show in Vendors’ colorful craft table setthe area. We got together applications and ups displayed the pride in what picked out 15 vendors, and then about they do and what they make. 1,000 people showed up,” Dobush said. Customers were tended to with “The response was just amazing.” a warm smile, despite the Since then, the show has busy atmosphere and heavy grown to include over 50 vendors crowd. with close to 3,000 shoppers in “This gives exposure attendance. Eager buyers lined up to local makers and outside CCAC Saturday morning, reminds people that they waiting for the doors to open. are important to buy from,” “It is fun to come out to see said Alisha Budkie, vendor craft shows like this. Seeing and co-founder of Crafty the way people reuse and recycle Supermarket. material to make a craft is great,” Close to 200 applications said Linda Seyfried, a shopper from -Penny Poirier from vendors are received per Fairfield, Ohio. Cincinnati Shopper show, and only 50 are selected for The Crafty Supermarket was featured each show. About 50 percent of vendors in Country Living Magazine as one of seven come from Ohio, and the other 50 percent “must-know” indie craft shows across the country. come from elsewhere in the Eastern United States, Dobush Open to the public twice a year, with a holiday show said. and a spring show in April, the show supports artists and “We just try to be super organized and make the day local businesses, providing growth for the local economy. as easy for our vendors and customers as possible. I can’t “There is also an aspect of conscientious consumerism help but think that the thoroughness shines through,” that is there too. It’s so easy to buy a bunch of stuff at a Dobush said. store for super cheap, but it’s different when you’re buying The spring Crafty Supermarket show will take place things somebody made by hand and get to meet them in April 27, 2013 at the CCAC. person,” Dobush said. “It’s a super rewarding experience
You should always be buying local — it’s the right thing to do.
ALEX SCHROFF | STAFF PHOTOGRAPHER
CRAFTY BUYS Coutney Fischer, top right, displays hand-made jewerly forged in her backyard garage studio at Clifton Cultural Arts Center Craft Fair. Rows of tables lined the main hall of Clifton Cultural Arts Center on Noevember 17, 2012.
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LIFE & ARTS TYLER BELL SENIOR REPORTER The clichéd nerd convention — complete with star trek references and oversized man-babies quibbling over starship specifications — is firmly set in the American conscious, but when you actually go to a convention you might begin to suspect the nerd trope protects a well-kept secret. For 12 years the SugoiCon anime convention has brought thousands of people together to celebrate their specific, alternative brand of culture. Despite what you might think, roughly half of the attendees were female and attended because they wanted to. After all, they had tickets to the best party in town. The event contained a Samurai, a harlequin and a hodge-podge group of orange-horned devils
in black T-shirts guffawing and jostling with each other, speaking in references so vague they might mean anything at all. Dressing up as characters from popular media is one of the biggest aspects of the convention culture — and the one people on the Internet love to lampoon the most — but inside the convention, the quality of your costume is a status symbol. It’s a marker of your dedication, and lets other anime fans know they’re somewhere they can express themselves. “Anybody can be a nerd and it’s not a bad thing anymore — the subculture reflects that,” said Rob Lewis, 33, of Omaha, Neb. “Twenty years ago you wouldn’t see this kind of unity. People this flamboyant, this outgoing, the way you do now.”
TYLER BELL | STAFF PHOTOGRAPHER
COMIC CONVENTION CELEBRATION Attendees of the SugoiCon anime convention filled the hallways of Kentucky’s Drawbridge Inn, dressed up as their favorite characters from popular media.