How Are You?

By Jacqui Thompson*

Movember may be over, but the issue of men’s health remains at large. While much of the information in this article will apply to people irrespective their gender, statistically many of the men who read this will be at greater risk than many of their female counterparts.

Let’s face it: we all know our health should not be a topic we address once a year at New Year’s Eve with a resolution that we will break by the end of January. However, those resolutions can be useful in starting a thought process around what we want from our lives.

While much of what follows applies across the board, the statistics on male health and well being are not great. In the year to 30 June 2020, men made up 68% of the deaths by suicide in NZ. There was an increase in suicide statistics among Māori and Pacific Islanders.

The international stats are also concerning:

1. Men have a suicide rate three times higher than women.

2. One in three men have been the victims of domestic violence.

3. Men on average die 4-5 years before women.

4. Men are nearly twice as likely to suffer from lung cancer than women.

5. Men are nearly twice as likely to suffer heart disease than women.

The NZ Legal Profession – a profile

In 2016 the New Zealand Law Society in partnership with Vitality Works conducted an online health assessment among lawyers. These results showed that one in two were insufficiently active, one in two did not get enough sleep and one in three could improve their mental well-being.

Four hundred lawyers responded and of those:

40% received scores indicating that they have good overall wellbeing;

53% received moderate scores, and are likely to be in reasonable health, but have at least one area of wellbeing that could be significantly improved; and

7% were classified as having poor overall wellbeing and need to improve some key lifestyle behaviours.

Lawyers have good physical wellbeing compared with the average, mostly attributable to higher consumption of fruit and vegetables, and lower However, the survey suggested that:

Lawyers have twice the rate of poor mental health.

Few lawyers have good social and work well-being.

Lawyers sit for longer periods, eat too much junk food and drink more alcohol than the average.

They work longer hours, are more fatigued and less satisfied with their work life balance.

More lawyers report that they struggle to bounce back after setbacks.

Overseas

There have been several international studies, particularly those in the US, that monitor depression rates and substance abuse. The American Bar Association (ABA) partnered with the Betty Ford Foundation to study the rates of substance use and mental health concerns among lawyers. A sample of 12,825 attorneys completed the survey. It included 53.4% men and 46.5% women, and the most reported age group was 31 to 40 years old. Most were Caucasian/ white.

The results showed that at least 19 to 28% experienced mild or higher levels of mild depression anxiety and stress. Thirty-one point nine percent of attorneys 30 years or younger engaged in problematic drinking (the nexthighest age group was under 40, with 25.1%). Junior associates (31.1%) were most at risk of engaging in problematic drinking.

In terms of their mental health, men had significantly higher levels of depression but women had higher levels of anxiety and stress.

It was noted that:

“In terms of [not] getting treatment, the participants cited two reasons — not wanting others to find out they needed help, and concerns regarding privacy or confidentiality.”

Australia also reports high levels of mental illness among lawyers, with suggestions that one in three of them contemplate suicide at least once a year, and up to 30% suffer from clinical major depression.

Spotting the symptoms

Steve Colligan is a registered Psychotherapist and an Associate at the College of Law of New Zealand. He holds an MHSC, Psych, a Diploma in Management (Human Resources) and a postgraduate Diploma in Psychosocial Studies. He works with executives and other professionals, including lawyers.

Colligan says that often there are physical signs which suggest that intervention might be necessary. He points to poor sleep, changing eating habits and being aware if you are drinking or smoking more. You may suffer sexual dysfunction and experience discord in your relationships with others. Mental symptoms include irritability, avoidance, anxiety, intrusive memories and thoughts, and compassion fatigue. These should sound the alarm that you do need support. Failure to deal with these at an early stage can lead to much greater issues such as outbursts of rage or substance abuse.

Monetary success – has it met your expectations?

At a recent meeting of lawyers, a partner from one of the large law firms said something that seemed to resonate with many others in the room (both male and female). He said he is exhausted by the fact that the firm sets a budget, and he must support his team to bring in that amount of money. But then, just as he feels he is getting there, they change the criteria, and he must bring in even more money. He is carrying the weight of the dependency of those around him to bring in ever increasing amounts of money.

Colligan says he suspects that, traditionally, people who are attracted to law have a strong, critical mindset. Often, they are somewhat driven, with a perfectionistic nature, and probably more competitive than the average person. When they move into a structure that measures success based on the amount of money you bring in, and the expansion of work that you have, that can load a lot of internal pressure onto people. The criteria that are used to measure achievement are forever changing or extended, so you never seem to reach it.

This is problematic, Colligan comments. “It is not until we stop and pause, that we can think about some of the big questions – and these can be quite existential. They centre around what happiness is and how as individuals we have constructed that concept. Aligned with that is the issue of how society and culture has constructed our concepts of success. We can easily get caught in the system. It is complex and I think the common theme we see is that in certain professions or cultures, the expectations of those around us will exacerbate that continual need and search for success.”

Reorienting goals

Before starting this article, I asked a couple of men about how they felt and the expectations they placed on themselves and society placed on them. They all said the same thing. It is hard for men to talk honestly and openly about their general well-being, their health, their mental well-being and concepts of success.

Steve Colligan believes that the Covid pandemic has to some extent reorientated our thoughts about success. We have started looking in more depth at ideas around happiness, relationships, whanau, and spirituality. This doesn’t preclude financial advantage, but it may change the order of our drivers for success.

Some of the people that Colligan works with are finishing their careers, often having had material success. But they may be on their third (or more) marriage and feel as if they have lost touch with their children.

In those cases, the challenge is to help someone measure the depth and severity of mistakes made in choosing options over the years. It is about adjusting and realigning current options and creating a balance. Life contains a series of shifts, and at whatever stage you are at –beginning your career, midcareer or end of career, you need a process or narrative that helps you to make sense of it all.

Colligan also suggests that there is a culture, and societal construct that we have created around failure and what it means. People who stumble and have failures, but move on through them, have resilience. “Stuff happens, that is life. It’s being able to orientate that in a realistic way where you say of course that was really disappointing, but how do I process those emotions, and how can I be cognisant of my emotional barometer?”

Disappointment, he says, is inevitable whether it is about financial reward or not winning a case that you were sure you had in the bag, or not being appointed a judge or a QC. The key is to have a way to explain to yourself what has happened, and how you should make sense out of it. You can then re-orientate yourself and see that often these events are not earthshattering, and it is our critical mindset and striving for perfection that is engulfing us in the sense of failure.

Colligan helps people to look at other aspects of their life that they may never have focused on. This can change their concepts of success. It can be a mixture of monetary or professional goals, personal relationships, good health, friendships, and hobbies and passions. “Often you will see an overextension in terms of the career area, and when that goes awry, there is a loss of stability overall. So, it’s really important to say to people – especially those starting their careers – that while these career things are important, we need to make sure we are working on other areas of our lives. Our physical health is important, our mental health is important, and our social health is important.”

Tying our sense of value to financial success increases feelings of pressure and a lack of autonomy, according to research from the University at Buffalo, in New York. The researchers say that depression and anxiety are tied to isolation.

The pursuit of financial success can be at the expense of our social connections, but they are important. “We need them as humans to feel secure, to feel mentally healthy and happy. But much of what’s required to achieve success in the financial domain comes at the expense of spending time with family and friends."

Calling time out

Colligan believes it takes a lot of courage to challenge the expectations that are historically embedded in the legal profession. “It is certainly not a profession that in the past has encouraged people to show vulnerability or actually state “Hey this is tough.” We cannot just keep expecting more and more from ourselves psychologically, physically, and emotionally, without something giving. So, you package that with goal posts that are constantly moving and at some point, you have to stop and say to yourself, can I actually manage this because there is no more of me?

But it can be really hard to stop and go actually this isn’t viable, or I can’t do this.”

Part of Colligan's work involves helping people to set realistic goals and to recognise that mistakes are part of life. It is about understanding what the balance looks like. That is hard to do for yourself, when you may have been indoctrinated and educated into a system where the measurements for success do not necessarily align with yours to begin with. Colligan says that to a certain extent we buy into the system and collude with it – enable it. It is difficult to step back and admit that you are not coping or that something is not quite right.

Another important factor to remember, is that taking time out does not mean that you want to step out forever, and it isn’t about giving up. You may want to take a break and then return to what you were doing feeling more energised and replete. You may want to change your direction and do a different kind of work. Colligan recommends giving yourself permission to pause and re-examine goals if you feel that the demands on you are unrealistic.

Talk more

“There is no shame, and it is not a weakness to talk about feeling out of kilter, feeling sad, feeling angry feeling disoriented,” says Colligan. “I think we have created a false construct around what being a male looks like and I don’t think it’s healthy. Recently, quite a well known sports commentator was talking about rugby players and saying they need to ‘man up’. And I thought, seriously, are we still there?”

Movember founder, Justin Coghlan, travelled the world to spread awareness about men's health. He found that the reluctance of men to articulate their feelings and fears was global.10 Speaking honestly about such issues was just not something a man did. Not only were men reluctant to visit their doctor, they did not accurately describe their symptoms but instead minimised what they felt. A sharp pain was described as mild to avoid being overly dramatic.

At a recent conference, someone from the financial sector revealed that in the last few years he has put aside time to meet at least once a month (if not more) with a close male friend to talk about the issues in their lives. They do not try to avoid this discussion and they prioritise the time so that they don’t skip meeting. It has been a very welcome development for him. He pointed out that in this kind of environment, men can talk about things that family might not fully understand or would be sensitive about, thinking that he would be suggesting they are the problem. With his friend, he can communicate openly and without judgement.

Pre-emptive health measures

Lawyers put a lot of time into upskilling as lawyers. They do not put nearly as much time into looking after their well-being. They compartmentalise to the point where they put themselves at risk of a crisis. That crisis may be a marriage breakdown, a bad health scare, a financial crash, or the loss of someone close to them. Depending on their practice, they could well be vulnerable to vicarious or secondary trauma, particularly those practising in family and criminal law. Or they may have reached a crossroad where they are reassessing their lives and not feeling particularly happy with what they see.

Steve Colligan says that by the time they identify that they need help, it takes a lot more effort to come back from that crisis point. There should be an investment in not reaching that stage. He compares the situation with psychologists, who are required to undertake professional supervision. Supervision provides a professional with a safe space to explore issues and pre-empt major problems down the line.

“Law is a very demanding profession,” says Colligan. “So, it’s minimal to spend a couple hundred dollars once a month on your psychological and emotional well-being. Often an external person can help you set more realistic goals and help you make more sense of where you’re at in a non-perfectionistic, non-judgemental way. It can be really hard for you to seek balance while you’re in the middle of everything. You are feeling all these emotions such as worry, anxiety, hopelessness, worthlessness, trouble concentrating. Trying to find balance on your own can be near impossible in this situation.”

How and where to find help

There is help out there, but it can be hard to find. These are a few of the options:

Psychologist, psychotherapist, or counsellor: many of these have websites that will come up on a Google search. You can get a feel for their approach from these. Colligan recommends that if you find one you think may work, you should give them a call to find out if you think you can connect with them. If you have tried a session and you do not feel that this is the right match for you, it is fine to look for someone else. But the critical factor is to check that they have valid qualifications. Many people set themselves up as (for example) a career coach, without having done any training other than possibly a couple of short courses. Find someone who is registered with a national body that requires a rigorous process, a genuine academic qualification, and ongoing CPD. Psychiatrists are medically qualified and may be a good option for some. Check with your GP.

The Law Society offers free and completely confidential counselling through its partnership with Vitae, a workplace wellbeing service that has providing counselling since 1967. Instructions for accessing the service can be found on the Law Society’s website. [https://www.lawsociety.org.nz/ professional-practice/practising-well/legalcommunity-counselling-service/]

The Law Society also offers Auckland members and their families access to counselling at a discounted rate from Lifeline. Most people think about Lifeline in terms of someone being on the end of a telephone. However, it also offers face-to-face support in Auckland and Skype counselling if you prefer that. Visit the Law Society’s website for more information. https://www.lawsociety.org.n all well z/professional-practice/practising-well/ healthy-practice-6/

NZBA members who have joined MAS, our member benefit partner, have access to three free EAP (independent counselling) sessions to help manage stress, burnout or any other mental health issue you may experience. This information can be found on our website.

Urgent support is available for you or someone you know by calling:

1737 Need To Talk (1737)

The Suicide Crisis Helpline (0508 828 865), or

Lifeline (0800 543 354)

If are worried that someone's life is in immediate danger, call 111 - go directly to emergency services.

* Steve Colligan is a College of Law Associate and director of Emovare, which provides both Executive Assistance and Executive Development programmes. For more information visit http://www.emovare.co.nz/.