A Northwood High School Publication Volume XXIII, Issue IV: December 9, 2021
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Pro Procrastination Junk
Northwood football crowned CIF champions for first time
Photos Provided by Alexei Tolkachev / @oneinamillionshot And Ellie Chan The Northwood Howler
A N I G H T I N N O R T H W O O D H I S T O R Y: R a l l i e d o n b y P e p S q u a d a n d a n e x c i t e d c r o w d , N o r t h w o o d F o o t b a l l p u t o n a d o m i n a n t p e r f o r m a n c e t o c l a i m i t s f i r s t - e v e r C I F t i t l e a t I r v i n e S t a d i u m , e a r n i n g a t i c k e t t o t h e re g i o n a l p l a y o f f g a m e . By Yejin Heo
Staff Writer
For the first time in school history, Northwood varsity football claimed victory at the CIF Div. 11 championship game winning 37-14 over Jordan High School on Nov. 26. Although Northwood’s football team has played in six consecutive league championships, this is only their second CIF championship game appearance, the first since 2005. The win also booked a place in the regional playoff game, which the Timberwolves narrowly lost 14-7. The team scored a touchdown
almost immediately into the game against Jordan like they had been for the last couple of weeks, amping up their defense and rushing forward with interceptions by juniors Adam Harper and Danial Kamal. Later on, quarterback junior Eugene Miyata scored on two touchdowns and had a 10-yard pass to freshman Joseph Harper that resulted in a touchdown, bringing up their score to 14-7 by halftime. The team then scored a flurry of touchdowns in the third quarter to an eventual total of 37. “Going into the game, I felt the most pressured and nervous ever,” junior Jonathan Kang said. “Howev-
er, our hard work paid off and I definitely felt satisfied with our score.” The victory at Irvine stadium was the outcome of months of remarkable leadership by first-year head coach JC Clarke, defensive coordinator Dean Toohey, offensive coordinator Mike Stewart, assistant coach Dave Harper and assistant coach Mickey Dickson, as well as the incredible endurance of the team. A tremendous crowd of spectators showed up for both teams including more than 40 Northwood alumni, even stretching beyond the marching band’s section, despite the game taking place the day after Thanksgiving.
ment,” freshman Vincent Yang said. Math Olympiad. The American Math Competition exam was administered by the Math Olympiad club on Nov. 10 and 16. The club held weekly meetings to help members prepare for the test through tutoring and practice tests. Those who score above the qualifying score will be qualified to take the American Invitational Mathematics Examination, which the top 2.5% of high school students compete in. “It’s delightful to see our students’ enthusiasm and passion for mathematics really shine during competitions,” Math Olympiad club president senior Andy Zhu said. “I look forward to celebrating their progress as the year continues.” Mock Trial. Mock Trial will be advancing to the semifinals of the Constitutional Rights Foundation competition in February after winning matches against Costa Mesa High School and Corona Del Mar
High School throughout November. From practicing their objections to bolstering their witness testimonies, Mock Trial members have been diligently preparing for these trials since August. “Competing in trials is always the best part. We all get to see what we’ve been putting so much effort into all come together,” tournament coordinator junior Janna Elshahawi said. “We’re really good at adding to each other’s ideas to make our argument as strong as it can be.” Science Olympiad. Science Olympiad competed at the online Rickards Invitational on Nov. 7. Sophomores Jeet Parikh and Pratik Kulkarni placed fourth in Wifi Lab, and sophomores Kristie To and Yutong Ke placed sixth in Ornithology. In addition, junior Annabel Tiong and sophomore Kristen Lew placed seventh in Cell Biology; Tiong also placed sixth in Codebusters with sophomore Derek Lee and junior An-
“We went into CIF taking it just one week at a time. We prepared with a regular practice schedule every week, preparing our offense, defense and special teams,” defensive coordinator Dean Toohey said. “There was a lot of pressure on them, but in the end, our team was composed. They played well and played for each other- that’s why we were successful.” Northwood ended their season with a 9-6 overall winning record, defeating Jordan, Vista del Lago, Riverside Polytechnic, Big Bear, Beckman, Woodbridge and University High Schools. Their wins have granted them the top spot in the Pa-
cific Valley League. Celebrating their big win, the marching band played the alma mater as the football team accepted their CIF championship plaque. Chanting Harper’s name proudly, the team rushed towards the end zone near the student section as students poured out to form a crowd around them. “I’ve been to almost every football game this season, and this game’s energy was unmatched because there was so much on the line,” senior Haley Chan said. “You could almost sense the pressure the players and coaches were feeling. The audience was truly watching history unfold.”
Mind Games: Northwood’s academic teams rise to the occasion By Erin Tsai Staff Writer
Part of Northwood’s intensive rigor comes not from just its academic curriculum, but also from the numerous extracurriculars that students partake in. Here are some of the distinctions that Northwood students have achieved in this past year. Speech and Debate. Speech and Debate competed virtually at the Orange County Speech League tournament from Nov. 13-14. Speech president senior Rey Shankar and junior Ellie Chan received first in speech events Oratorical Interpretation and Dramatic Interpretation, respectively. Senior Alex Fu also placed first in Policy Debate and Debate juniors president Anthara Thirupathi and Ananya Badari received first for Public Forum. “The competition established my confidence as a novice to strive to become better with each tourna-
Adrian Chen The Northwood Howler
PUT IN THE WORK, PUT IN THE HOURS: Debaters dilligently refine their cases with research and new pieces of evidence. nie Lee, and fifth in Environmental Chemistry with sophomore Tanay Das. “Getting back into the rhythm of juggling in-person schedules and meetings definitely wasn’t easy, but
we were able to pull through,” captain senior Daniel Yang said. “Most of the Rickards team was made up of underclassmen, so I have high hopes not only for this year, but for future seasons as well.”
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NEWS
December 9, 2021
The Northwood Howler
#FEASTMODE: Race the Cluck Youth COVID vaccine By Chris Song Staff Writer
Adrian Chen The Northwood Howler
E V E RYON E’ S A W I NG E R : Many families are hoping to make the O C Tu r k e y Tro t a y e a r l y t ra d i t i o n , b o t h f o r t h e e x e rc i s e a n d t h e b o n d i n g e x p e r i e n c e By Rita Lai Staff Writer
Thanksgiving Day got off to an active and healthy start for runners participating in the Turkey Trot at Irvine Valley College on Nov. 25. With three different events available over two hours, from the early 7:30 a.m. 1K to the main 5K and to the kids’ Gobble Wobble, there was a race for everyone. “I do it with my family every year,” junior Noah Outwater said. “My favorite part is staying with my family throughout the whole run.” Whether participants were running for fitness goals or for family fun, they nonetheless were bustling with excitement in the crowded venue. The podiums for age division winners stood next to the stage where two
pilgrims performed skits and boosted the cheer of onlookers with patriotic and festive songs. “I already ran the 1K, but the kids are gonna do the Gobble Wobble,” race participant Steve Raganav said. “We registered late, just yesterday, and were still able to get the bibs and shirts. We’re hoping for this to become a family tradition.” For the most part, runners seemed unfazed by the early hour, with even the elderly and young children enthusiastic to do their best. “Number one! And yum pie,” 6-year-old Gobble Wobble runner Isabelle Raganav said. Such a large and well-organized event would not have been possible without the volunteers. The night before the race, they unloaded vans for the tents and set the track layouts. On
the day of the races, volunteers were busy checking in entrants, handing out bibs, awarding medals, providing water and most importantly, serving sweet slices of pumpkin pie at the end to exhausted runners. “I’m here with a service organization called Circle K International,” IVC student and Inter-Club Representative Jaehoon Song said. “I’ve volunteered for similar events like the Halloween run last month. It’s a great opportunity to bond with others and meet new people.” Towards the end of the event, the pilgrims began regaling the crowd with Christmas tunes as a reminder of IVC’s next community marathon event. Those who missed their chance with Turkey Trot may look forward to the morning of Dec. 12 for “Santa Claus for a Cause.”
The Food and Drug Administration authorized the use of the PfizerBioNTech COVID-19 vaccine for children aged 5 through 11 on Oct. 29. The authorization was based on an extensive evaluation process undertaken by the FDA, which saw a third of the original dosage amount reach 90.7% effectiveness in preventing COVID-19 while posing no serious side effects to the 3,100 children involved in the study. “The FDA is committed to making decisions that are guided by science that the public and healthcare community can trust,” director of the FDA’s Center for Biologics Evaluation and Research Peter Marks said. “We are confident in the safety, effectiveness and manufacturing data behind this authorization.” According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, COVID-19 cases in children aged 5 through 11 comprises approximately 6% of all cases in the United States and 40% of all cases within underaged individuals. In terms of deaths, younger groups take a smaller share at 0.08% of the total number of deaths. The CDC followed up on the release with the recommendation that children aged 5 through 11 be vaccinated against COVID-19 with the Pfizer vaccine. The recommendation would expand the target group by
about 28 million children while allowing vaccinations to begin as soon as possible. “I think it’s great that the vaccine was approved for those 5 and up, especially since younger kids can finally resume normal activities without worrying about contracting serious COVID,” junior Elaine Pan said. “We should step up the vaccination campaign to better reach out to these people.” State legislators have provided strong support for strengthening the vaccine mandates for students. While the approval opens up the the prospects of loosening restrictions on masks and social distancing in schools, many schools have opted not to include the younger age group in their vaccine mandate policies. While some have expressed concern about potential side effects, these claims seem to be inflated. Pfizer Inc. plans to continuously oversee the situation according to their updated safety monitoring plan. In addition, the FDA and CDC have set up their own independent systems for the rapid detection and investigation of potential safety problems. “As a mother and a physician, I know that parents, caregivers, school staff and children have been waiting for today’s authorization,” Acting FDA Commissioner Janet Woodcock said. “Vaccinating younger children against COVID-19 will bring us closer to a sense of normalcy.”
Hearts Against Hate
Adrian Chen The Northwood Howler
CONSISTENT CARE: Hearts Against Hate is now on their fifth cycle of creating care packages for Asian American elders. By Rhea Gupta Staff Writer
Saba Nabaeighahroudi And Nicole Curtis The Northwood Howler
Hearts Against Hate, a youth-led nonprofit that strives to fight against anti-Asian hate crimes, held a card drive in partnership with Northwood’s UNICEF club to create safety care packages from Nov. 1 to 19. After the card drive, 50 care packages were assembled during lunch on Dec. 6 by Hearts Against Hate and UNICEF club, where students’ handwritten cards were combined with items such as whistles, flashlights and face masks to better equip Asian American elders in the case of a hate crime. These care packages are distributed at senior apartments, living homes and temples. “We are trying to spread awareness physically about Asian American elderly because they don’t have access to social media outlets where most of the news coverage is publicized,” Hearts Against Hate founder sophomore Kristie To said. The rise of the COVID-19 pandemic, which originated in China, fueled anti-Asian racism and xenophobia worldwide, initiating multiple hate crimes targeted towards Asian Americans, specifically elders. “UNICEF’s collaboration with
Hearts Against Hate was the perfect opportunity for our club members to participate in advocacy during a pandemic,” UNICEF secretary senior Allison Lee said. The increase in Asian American hate speech has been seen even in Irvine. At an Irvine Council meeting on Oct. 26, Vice Mayor Tammy Kim faced a xenophobic attack when speaking about the possible construction of a new veterans cemetery in Irvine. “A white elected official is never questioned on their origin or their ethnicity, or made to feel that they need to be grateful,” Kim said to the local blog LAist. “But it’s those of color, those of Asian American descent who are treated consistently as perpetual foreigners.” At Northwood, To hopes that through Hearts Against Hate she will be able to leave a positive impact on the Asian American community by fighting against anti-Asian hate and racism. Hearts Against Hate has already received grants from America’s Promise Alliance, and is poised to grow even further. “In a year, I hope to have expanded my organization nationally and work with more AAPI groups,” To said.
ACCENT
The Northwood Howler
December 9, 2021
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Cause a Frock-us: Layered outfits Un-brrrrr-lievable sights By Noelle Escalante
By Karen Wang
Staff Writer
Staff Writer
Knowing California weather, Northwood students often experience four seasons in one day. Brisk and foggy mornings quickly shift to peak summer temperatures at noon, with the day ending in the mid-tohigh 60s. To accustom to each biome within the 24 hours, also accounting for classroom conditions with the AC and heater, layering different clothing items can allow for comfortable and stylish variations of the same outfit all day long. Patterned turtleneck under a t-shirt: Turtlenecks may seem out of place, but when paired with a loose shirt, they can pull an entire outfit together. Patterns such as stripes, grids and houndstooth under a solid color shirt with small embellishments add visual texture. Sweater with vest: Marty McFly may be known for coining this clothing item, but vests fit perfectly with California weather with insulation in the chest area but freedom and movability for the arms. Cool tone vests are best matched with warm colored sweaters, along with patterned pants such as plaid and gingham. During the day, the vest can be taken off and the sweater can be half-tucked into the pants for a clean, relaxed look.
With festive lights, cozy socks and hot chocolate enticing us out of our finals holi-daze, here are a few locations to have an eventful winter-break experience, regardless of the lack of a white Christmas in Southern California.
Matthew Dimaandal The Northwood Howler
DAPPER DUO: With their layered fits, juniors Salma Iliasu (left) and Kiara Kuriakose (right) are safe from the ever-shifting weather conditions. Sweatshirt with a flannel on top: Sweatshirts are a staple for comfort, while flannels bring autumn vibes to the next level. Midday, the sweatshirt can be taken off and tied around the waist, with the flannel buttoned up. Denim jacket over a sweatshirt: For those colder mornings, denim jackets are thick and provide lots of structure for an outfit. Whether black, blue or acid wash, denim jackets paired with a fun colored sweatshirt makes for an unconventional winter outfit. Some possible color combinations include a red sweatshirt with an acid wash, or a yellow sweatshirt with a blue dark wash.
Graphic tee over a sweatshirt: Oversized graphic tees over sweatshirts are comfortable and great statement pieces. Contrasting tones such as a black shirt over a grey sweatshirt makes the outfit cohesive. You can try accenting the arm and neck areas, with the hood and sleeves peeking out. Even with the wildcard weather in Irvine, ranging from incubated science classrooms to transitioning into the 80 degree weather, there’s still a possibility to be comfortable and versatile. With these tips and tricks, fall and winter outfits can become stylish and bearable, conforming to whatever temperatures we are faced with.
Northwood’s ho-listic ho-liday ho-pes By Annie Lee Staff Writer
Fearing that a gift may be too practical or too useless, we often struggle to find the perfect present for their special people. While not representative of everyone’s tastes, here are some of the wish lists of Northwood students and teachers to help answer this difficult question: What gifts do people actually want? Arelene Chang (9): “Stuffed animals, clothes or books because I like to read, as long as the books are not textbooks.” Melia Wong (10): “Ice cream, especially coffee peanut butter ice cream. It’s a really good flavor and I recommend you try it.”
Zara Tahir (11): “The soft sugar cookies with frosting that people find disgusting but are actually really good, gummy bears and the new Pokémon game. It’s a remake of one of my favorite games that I played a lot when I was younger, so I’m really excited for its release.” Nithin Parthasarathy (12): “Another pair of pajamas because pajamas are really comfortable to wear when you’re at home. I already have three pairs, but it would be fun to have one for each day of the week.”
Be-leaf in Nature Therapy: The Sherman Library and Gardens in Corona Del Mar consist of serene walkways of autumn leaves and greenhouses surrounded by chirping hummingbirds. If you’re looking for a more open space, the Fullerton Arboretum, home to a diverse canopy of pepper and bodhi trees, is a great alternative. This 26-acre botanical garden with trails snug in greenery is perfect to add to a fall Instagram feed. Before you set off, be sure to check the California Fall Color Report for the most up-to-date information on the changing nature of leaves in any area of California. Spots for Watts: Annual Christmas light displays are no stranger to Goliath-sized Rudolphs at the Newport Beach Christmas Boat Parade. Held from Dec. 15-19, this parade has it all—boats of all sizes decked out as winter wonderlands, gingerbread houses and Santa’s gift factories. Throughout the event, 75-minute holiday light cruises are available for an up-close experience of the Newport Harbor. These cruises, however, are available
all winter as ocean mist and frosty breeze welcome visitors from Dec. 3 to Jan. 2, 2022, starting at $36 for those 13 and up. For a more local light-show experience, visit the Night of Lights drive-thru events from Nov. 26 to Jan. 2, 2022 at the OC Fair & Event Center for $40 per vehicle. With familiar elves, ice monsters and engaging characters, crystal blue and pristine white strobe lighting fills the horizon as polymer snow and fog spread throughout the air. As a COVID-19 precaution, guests will only be allowed to remain in their vehicles; however, the annual OC Winterfest festival will make its return in the winter of 2022. Sights like the world’s largest rocking horse and interactive activities including ice rinks will be joined with an interactive “Candy Cane Carnival.” Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it (Fake) Snow: If you’re craving the lush feeling of real snow without the drive to Big Bear, the Lake Forest SnowFest on Jan. 29, 2022, offers sledding for $7 with carnival games and treats at an additional cost. Sledding tickets are sold at the Lake Forest Recreation Center and sell out fast, so make sure to reserve your spots as soon as possible. If you have time on your hands this chilly season, be sure to take advantage of these in-season landscapes and jolly events while they’re still around.
Irene Tang (12): “An acceptance letter from the school I applied for early.” Nelly Tsai (Science Teacher): “It depends on who I’m getting the gift from. If it’s from my husband, I’d like a massage. If it’s from my friends, coffee is good. If it’s from my kids or my students, a handwritten card would be really meaningful.” Elizabeth Zuniga (Science Teacher): “I enjoy painting, so I would like more paint and canvases. I paint a bunch of anime, like characters from ‘Naruto,’ that I should bring in one day.” Chloe Song The Northwood Howler
Irvine’s Native American heritage By Diego Moreno Staff Writer
November is Native American Heritage Month, which is supposed to help highlight the history and culture of the native groups across the United States. However, most don’t know about the native Kizh tribe, whose land Irvine is built on. The Kizh native tribe resided in the Orange County area for centuries before the arrival of Spanish settlers in 1771. Their society lived off the land, foraging during the summer and fishing in the winter. A staple food for the Kizh was collecting chia seeds, which they would then dry and roast, turning it into a flour called pinole that they used to make cakes. The arrival of Spanish explorers changed their way of life as the Kizh were quickly enslaved and forced to work on the missions that occupied the land that was once their homes. They mostly resided at the San Gabrielino mission where they led a series
of unsuccessful revolts that led to further slaughter. It was during this time that the Spaniards renamed the Kizh to the Gabrielenos after the mission. Following the end of the mission system, the Kizh were able to integrate themselves into Mexican society, with most residing near Los Angeles. This peace would end with the Mexican-American War, which saw a spike in anti-Mexican and anti-native sentiments. “What occurred was genocide,” AP Government teacher Steve Plette said. “But in the United States, there’s this strange relationship where we revere native culture but still treat the native people terribly.” Under U.S. rule, the Kizh people were quickly singled out, targeted and later enslaved. Once they were arrested, the Kizh would pay for their freedom by working as indentured servants. Others would be dragged out of their jail cells and lynched in the middle of the street. After attempts at opening a res-
ervation failed, the Kizh abandoned their culture and identified as Mexican American to avoid the violence. Those who attempted to keep their traditions failed. Natives were forced to send their children to The Sherman Indian School in Riverside, as they were assimilated into western culture. “Despite the forced assimilation through taking of children and replacing their culture, there has fortunately been increased effort in trying to revive the culture within the tribal communities,” anthropology teacher Emily Rhodarmer said. Though only a couple hundred strong, the Kizh nation still exists in San Gabriel, and you can learn about them at places like the Sherman Indian Museum or by visiting the place where their troubles began with the San Gabriel Mission. The tribal communities themselves are the best teachers of their culture and will help educate anyone on the history of the natives and how to help them keep their culture alive.
Richelle Gunawan The Northwood Howler
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A&E
December 9, 2021
The Northwood Howler
Encore! VAPA’s festive Finter Concert MCU’s latest addition By Rita Lai and Karen Wang Staff Writers
Adrian Chen The Northwood Howler
A FINAL FAREWELL: Freshman Lucas Nguyen and junior Chris Song perform Northwood’s Alma Mater with the band in memory of a student who passed away last month. By Yejin Heo
Staff Writer
At the cue of their director, members of Viva Cantar choir took a deep breath before performing the concert’s title song during the first day of the Finter Concerts. A rush of sound filled the stage as the audience smiled at the familiar melody of “Anybody Have a Map?” from the musical “Dear Evan Hansen.” I was seated indoors enjoying a music concert for the first time in almost two years. A symphony of sound resounded throughout Northwood’s campus as part of the choir, orchestra and band Finter Concerts on Nov. 16, 18 and 20. “It felt so amazing to finally be together and sing on stage again,” Bel Canto choir soloist junior Catie Jamieson said. “It was exciting to have a live audience and to be able to share all of our hard work in class to our friends and family. It was truly a magical night.” Falling on the cusp between fall and winter, the Finter Concert was coined accordingly, featuring holiday medleys, traditional classical repertoire, Halloween tunes and more.
Some familiar pieces even took on a new meaning for me as the directors took time to read song lyrics and explain the histories of the pieces before performing. On Saturday, the band concert was held outside for the first time using an inflatable shell on the football field, made possible by a generous donation by an IPSF Mega Grant. “The turtle shell added dimension to our concert,” Wind Symphony baritone saxophone player junior Bhargavi Deshpande said. “We set it up in the morning and it was heavy, but it ended up being a nice addition to the band.” In addition to the spectacle of the band concert, another highlight from the Finter concert was Philharmonic Orchestra’s “Holberg Suite” by Edvard Grieg, which ranged from a rich opening movement to a driven violin and viola duet played by concertmaster senior Miya Liu and principal violist senior Amy Takagi. I was captivated by the energetically charged performances given by every musician and admired the connection between the performers and conductor that seemed to have strengthened even over a period of
distanced rehearsals. “Being in the audience felt nostalgic because I went to every music concert in my freshman year, and it was a warming experience being able to attend them again,” senior Andy Hoang said. “I first went to the choir concert with the intention of it being my only Finter Concert viewing, but I ended up going to the orchestra and band ones too because I loved seeing my friends on stage and being able to recognize the talent our school has.” Every night after the concert, a huddle of audience members awaited the performers outside the theater doors with flowers and congratulatory words at hand. Here, I witnessed the school orchestrating the beauty in gathering to hear the harmony between musicians. As Finter transitions into a true winter, audiences will be able to enjoy another music concert at the Winter Gala Concert on Dec. 10, where Wind Symphony will be able to perform inside the theater due to COVID-19 guidelines changing during the last week of November. Attendees can look forward to another flurry of festive tunes that will billow through the campus once more.
Expecting a dramatic revolution from Oscar-winning director Chloé Zhao’s entrance into the Marvel world may leave fans who enjoy the typical fast-paced, solely actionpacked quality of Marvel movies disappointed. Although “Eternals” fell short in terms of character development and unexplored plot, its groundbreaking diversity and indie-style cinematography sets it apart from the classic Marvel formula, making it a worthy watch. Led by the “Prime Eternal” Ajak (Salma Hayek), 10 Eternals with distinct powers fueled by cosmic energy defend Earth against Deviants, a mutant Alien race they eradicated centuries earlier. Following Ajak’s death, the group reunite to stop the new Deviant threat, distracted by complicated relationships and ultimately grappling with their new-found roles on Earth. With an all-star cast including Hayek, Gemma Chan, Richard Madden and Angelina Jolie, among many others, “Eternals” explores the moral value of humanity and the purpose of existence for not only the mortals, but also the immortal Eternals and Deviants. Unfortunately, with 10 new characters to the MCU, the 157-minute runtime isn’t nearly enough for the audience to build a connection with each of them. Deaths and betrayals, clearly intended to be hardhitting, were difficult to connect with due to weak character establishment. On the sidelines, without strong emotional build-up, the romance between Sersi (Chan) and Ikaris (Madden) feels difficult to root for as the film forces a lovers-turned-enemies trope to catalyze its core conflict. As in any action movie, the film began with several gory fight scenes, but the fighting grew boring with repetitive battles against the sinewy creature-like Deviants. There was potential in the scenes featuring Deviant leader Kro (Bill Skarsgård), but his emotionless nature and unexpected extermination by Thena (Jolie) cut his role short. The connection be-
tween Deviants and Eternals, facing the same fates and borne from the celestial Arishem (David Kaye), wasn’t fully explored, though with the hints dropped in the film, there’s likely a sequel to address these plot holes. Regardless, “Eternals” breaks new barriers as the first Marvel movie to include an openly gay superhero and the first to depict those with hearing loss. Zhao takes a direct approach with Phastos (Brian Tyree Henry), who is the only one that truly integrates into human society, with a deliberate kiss with his husband and demonstration of protective instincts over his son. Exchanges between Makkari (Lauren Ridloff) and other characters were accompanied with sign language and subtitles. Diversity throughout the movie never comes off as forced despite indignant reviews claiming “Hollywood wokeness” from those who may prefer more formulaic superhero stories. Perhaps the most outstanding aspect of the film are the scenic ocean shots as the camera pans over vast expanses of landscapes and historical sites, with much less CGI and postproduction effects than expected. Zhao’s insistence on shooting on-site certainly makes a difference, with the lack of greenscreen lending to the authentic style she’s known for. Though unwise to directly compare an indie film depicting the struggles of the Great Recession to a blockbuster franchise movie, “Eternals” retains Zhao’s notable style recognized in her acclaimed prestige films such as Oscar-winning “Nomadland.” The ending cuts off with a cliffhanger as the Eternals enter a phase of judgement under Arishem, all but guaranteeing a sequel, typical of Marvel movies. However, the plot of “Eternals” is largely independent of the Avengers’ storyline, so it’s easy for new Marvel fans to follow along. Be sure to wait for the post-credits as a certain former One Direction member makes an unexpected cameo. While Marvel shifts into Phase Four of the MCU, it’ll be interesting to see how “Eternals” furthers its reputation for its potential plot-twists rather than its initially shallow storyline.
Ellie Lan The Northwood Howler
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It’s time to dethrone The reality of college admissions our outdated traditions By Mei Ono
Editor-in-Chief
The Homecoming King clutched their tightly folded suit as they exited the girl’s bathroom on the first floor of the 900s building after changing post-rally. An uncommon sight that will only become more common as some of the campus’s age-old traditions become queerer and queerer. I am beyond fortunate to be able to say that my friends, my family and the faculty have been immensely supportive of me from the initial Homecoming court nominations to the weeks leading up to and after the Homecoming football game. Words cannot sufficiently express how honored I am to receive the title of Homecoming King alongside a court of such gracious peers. But this moment of celebration for many queer people such as myself comes with skepticism for the court selection and crowning process rooted heavily in cisgender and heterosexual (cishet) constructs. Chances are, you personally know someone who is transgender or goes by gender-neutral pronouns. Even still, in a state where 27% of adolescents say they are viewed as gender nonconforming and a staggering estimated 22,200 of those ages 13-17 identify as transgender, institutionalized cisnormativity and heteronormativity persists in all corners of the classroom. The construct that everyone is cisgender—having one’s gender identity align with their sex assigned at birth—is reflected in academic settings, from the gendered terms used to address groups of students (“gentlemen,” “girls,” etc.), to surveys that equate sex and gender with no option to self-identify the latter. Not only does this cisnormative default promote erasure of trans identities and their social marginalization, but it completely rejects the existence of nonbinary people. The Homecoming tradition is a direct manifestation of these ideas, along with a coupling of princes and princesses and the king and queen that reinforces presumed heterosexuality, attraction to the opposite sex. It is important to note that my experience as a transmasculine nonbinary person on the Homecoming court was overall extremely validating for me and my family; however, my experience is not indicative of any or all experiences of other future trans people on court. Was I asked for my pronouns because of my femimine name? What if, unlike me, a trans person uncomfortable with the historically gendered titles of “king” and “queen” was nominated? Now for the million-dollar question: How can the school remove
gender and sexuality as a barrier for those who want to participate in these activities that seemingly cater towards cishet individuals? Dozens of high schools and universities across the nation have already claimed the prize money on the inclusive-Homecoming game show: Northwestern elects a singular “Homecoming Wildcat” while no longer limiting their court to six women and six men, and offers a third gender-neutral option for headwear. Redwood High School in California (who recently crowned their first openly nonbinary royal), Bethesda-Chevy Chase High School in Maryland, New Mexico’s largest high school, several high schools in Texas, Florida and more have all adopted gender-neutral titles for those selected for the final crowning ceremony; most commonly, “royal.” A unified selection process for all “Homecoming court” members where students elect the top 10 individual nominees regardless of gender, as well an additional third option of a sash reading “Homecoming royalty” for any one or two students that culminated the most votes would serve as a good starting point. Since binary trans people, cisgender people or slightly more masculine or feminine-leaning nonbinary people may find euphoria in the original titles of king or queen, leaving them as open options may also prove validating. These patterns of cisnormativity and heteronormativity in high school tradition aren’t limited to Homecoming, of course—need I mention courts for Winter Formal and Prom, the Sadie Hawkins Dance and Northwood’s own Mr. Timberwolf? As a school, we must recognize the problematic roots of traditions that perpetuate the cishet norm we claim to combat. Altering traditions is not easy, but nonqueer people often fail to recognize the amount of joy they are capable of bringing to queer folk simply by acknowledging and supporting them. I encourage everyone to have the guts to set a new tradition, to adapt and empower queer people by allowing something as miniscule as a high school dance to be a gateway for larger systemic change that has the power to change lives. And I couldn’t have put it better than Redwood High School’s 2017 gender nonconforming Homecoming King Raven Chalif. “It’s important because even something as unimportant as Homecoming should be integrated and available to everybody,” Chalif said. “If there [are] people who are more ignorant or more educated about gender, gender inequality, nonbinary genders or anything like that, then it’s a starting point for education on that.”
Photo provided by @northwoodinstrumental
HOCO NO MO’: Seniors Mei Ono and Rachel Gima celebrate their historic victor y, breaking the precendent of cisgender courts.
Adrian Chen The Northwood Howler
FINDING THE RIGHT FIT: Sophomore Julien Valladares studies a college brochure as they search for a school matching their interests. By Parashar Bharadwaj Staff Writer
During the tumultuous times of application season, Northwood seniors experience inevitable stress regarding their college applications. But this stress is often exacerbated by an unfortunate school culture perpetuated at Northwood regarding prestige, AP classes and college rankings. With Northwood’s emphasis on extraordinary success in school, generally due to societal pressure from parents and peers, students frequently overload themselves with rigorous schedules consisting of multiple AP classes and other extracurriculars. This makes up a full day from the start of school to late at night, placing huge amounts of stress on students. “I can’t remember the last time I could get a full night of sleep during the school year,” senior Sumay Kalra said. “I was always busy with homework, extracurricular activities and sports. It became hard at times, and a lot of it is due to a certain social requirement of going to a top school.” But Northwood students fail to recognize that a low acceptance rate
or a recognizable university does not always equal success. “What matters is what college or university is going to be a good fit for you. Where are you going to be the most successful and fulfilled?” College and Career Specialist Kathi Smith said. “What is most important is that you are pursuing your own interests and passions.” Top CEOs are not always alumni of Ivy League schools or top prestigious universities. For instance, Apple Inc. CEO Tim Cook went to Auburn University, Brian S. Taylor of Mckesson Corp. went to UC Santa Cruz and Jeff McElfresh of AT&T Inc. went to University of Florida. “I do not believe [the CEOs] are the exception. I believe they are exceptional people who used what they were given and made their experiences count,” Smith said. “It isn’t so much where you go, but what you do when you get there.” And it’s the job of students to make sure that the college application experience is not all doom and gloom. Going to an Ivy League instead of a state school does not mean one student is better than the other,
and this never the case. It’s important to understand that most don’t have the opportunities to attend expensive schools, and sometimes a less prestigious school serves the student better. “I had the opportunity to visit Edwards Life Science and meet with some of the scientists there,” Smith said. “Every one of them expressed their opinion that if a student wanted to become a scientist, they would get much more hands-on experience going to a Cal State University than attending a University of California.” While applauding and commending academic achievement, AP tests will not determine your future. Considering the STEM-driven environment at Northwood, it seems that an undergraduate degree in science is worth the same at almost any university, according to a study from Eric Eide and Mark Showalter of Brigham Young University and Michael Hilmer of San Diego State University. “For science majors, the prestige of a school mattered least of all,” the report said. “And sciences may involve more standardized major requirements, meaning that the core competencies taught are essentially the same no matter where a student winds up.” Oftentimes, Northwood students try to become the perfect student: maintaining top grades, starting nonprofits and participating in every extracurricular available. But top universities don’t expect a catalog list of activities; they want genuine individuals who show passion for specific interests and have strong character. “There is a culture of perfectionism and competition at NHS that may result in anxiety or feelings of failure due to comparing oneself to others,” Smith said. “What matters is that the student is intentional in being who they are and having a passion about something. Don’t try to fit a mold. Be your best self!”
Prevalence of cafeteria food waste By Arya Bhattacharjee Staff Writer
For many people, food seems like somewhat of an infinite resource, and that is how it should be, right? Food is a basic necessity; yet as with everything, food is not unlimited. With the impact of the COVID-19 pandemic as well as a number of droughts and sustainability issues, our food supply chain is entering a crisis, and action must be taken as soon as possible by changing the way we look at our food, and thinking twice about our nutritional needs. California plays an important role in our food supply, as the Golden State is home to almost twothirds of the United States’s produce. Unfortunately, California also has been home to increasing numbers of other extreme weather, all of which threaten its large output of produce. Additionally, the pandemic has disrupted the global supply chain, meaning Californian farmers are unable to export their goods. In order to patch up our food supply chain, changes must be made in the way consumers deal with food. A large part of the supply chain issue has to do with food waste. As we mentioned in our September issue article titled “The Hidden Costs of a Free Lunch,” the United States has a longstanding issue regarding food waste. Yet the problem lies not only with its relation to hunger, but also with the excess amounts of stock required to fulfill our nation’s demands. The excess food that students generally throw away are forms of produce, and as such, the demand for produce in California remains high,
Ellie Chan The Northwood Howler
TR ASH OR TREASURE: Rising food waste from school lunches continues to exacerbate the ex isting supply chain cr isis . even when a majority of the food isn’t even consumed. In fact, the United States wastes the most food in the world, as stated by the Department of Agriculture, with around 30%-40% of food being trashed before eaten. All of these issues stem from the growth of Big Food: corporations that push out mass-produced foods that are easy to make and consume. These foods promote excessive purchasing and unhealthy lifestyles, which is reflected in our cafeteria where the American lunch has devolved into sub-par potions of unhealthy, fatty foods. The relatively small portions of fruits and vegetables get discarded while still untouched, resulting in our school becoming more dependent on big-food companies, and less on local farmers. This is then inflated by the CA Free Lunch policy, since the increased amount of waste as a result
of this change has been inflated in tandem with the issues surrounding the food supply crisis. Meals offered on the free lunch program are considerably smaller than previous years when meals were paid for. If we want our school lunches to offer proper nutrition to those in need, then change needs to be made by those who can afford their own meals. The students who are not dependent on school lunches should try to make their own meals to balance out their nutritional needs so our cafeteria is not spread excessively thin. It’s more important now than ever to pay attention to what we eat and how we eat it. It’s no longer a question of what diet suits you, but rather what foods we buy. The food we throw away today can never come back to feed us, but the food which keeps us healthy allows us to fight for a better future.
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SPORTS
December 9, 2021
The Northwood Howler
Bridget Chantharath places at CIF State By Parashar Bharadwaj Staff Writer
Excellence is par for the course for freshman Bridget Chantharath, who recently earned fourth place in the CIF State Championship at the Poppy Hills golf course in Pebble Beach. Shooting one under the total par of 71, Chantharath broke new grounds for Northwood athletics, becoming the first student to qualify for state in Northwood golf history. “In high school golf, the State Championships is the final level of CIF,” Chantharath said. “To be the first golfer from Northwood to make it this far is such an honor, and I am extremely proud of the way I played this season.” Considering the volatility of golf, specifically with unpredictable weather conditions and course layouts, Chantharath stayed the course at Poppy Hills. “Poppy Hills is a tough golf course because the greens have a lot of slope, so a miss on the wrong side could potentially cause big numbers. It was also foggy during play, and fairways were pretty narrow,” Chantharath said. “I’m so proud to be the only freshman to shoot under par at the difficult course Poppy Hills, which is one of the premier golf courses that professionals play.” And it looks like Chantharath already has the mentality of a professional. As the sport is solely dependent on individual play, one’s success has to do with what’s between their ears. As evident from her recent results, Chantharath possesses the mindset to achieve her ambitious goals. “She’s so gritty. She’s so men-
Signed letters to the Editor are welcomed and encouraged. They can be placed in Adviser Marina Alburger’s mailbox or delivered to Room 1102. The Northwood Howler reserves the right to edit letters for length, grammar and clarity. Advertisements do not necessarily represent the opinion of the newspaper. Classifieds Northwood High Students and faculty members may place classified ads in The Northwood Howler by contacting the Business Manager at: northwoodnewspaper@gmail.com Mission Statement To serve as a medium for school news and the expression of student ideas while adhering to the highest standards of journalistic integrity. Photo provided by @twolvesathletics
PATH TO SUCCESS: Freshman Bridget Chantharath demonstrates her form as she practices her swing. tally good, and that is so uncommon even with people 10 to 15 years older than she is,” golf head coach Zach Halop said. “She also has an extraordinary work ethic. She’s always working on her game.” As well as the individual strength of Chantharath, much of her successful performance can be attributed in part due to the supportive and uplifting team environment Northwood girls golf has established. As runner-ups at CIF after winning the league title, the girls golf team provides strong moral support for each other during the season. “The girls golf team has been
so supportive, and they send me encouraging messages before every round,” Chantharath said. “Golf has played such a big role in my life, and I have met many of my close friends through this sport.” But of course, golf is an individual sport by design, and with Chantharath’s strong game, she will likely only continue to get better as time goes on. “For her, the sky’s the limit because she’s got the tools,” Halop said. “Now it’s just about her learning how to use those tools in the different areas of where she plays the game. Once she starts getting experience
and learning courses, she’ll get better and better.” Chantharath will be an important contributor to Northwood athletics throughout her next three years at the school. With her positive attitude, strong work ethic and passion for her craft, Chantharath has a promising future. “I’ve had the chance to be around Olympic athletes, to be around professional athletes; she’s got all of it,” Halop said. “And the best part is that she still loves the game. She loves the game, and because of that she works at it. And because of that she’s successful at it. “
Back to the Pack: Return of the alumni
Adrian Chen The Northwood Howler
DRILLING IT INTO MEMORY: Girls JV basketball head coach Erin Halle (left) assigns the girls different numbered positions while teaching them how to execute an offensive drill. By Rachel Yokota Staff Writer
From student athlete to graduate to coach, a handful of alumni from Northwood’s 19 graduating classes have come back to the school as coaches for student athletics. Alumni coaches work in various aspects of Northwood athletics, both as coaches and assistant coaches, and in a variety of sports including soccer, basketball, swim, cross country and water polo. Girls soccer coach Harry Lee, a 2011 alumnus, began coaching at
The Northwood Howler is published by Northwood High School as an open forum for exchange of news and ideas. Views expressed in The Northwood Howler do not necessarily represent opinions of the NHS administration or the Irvine Unified School District.
Northwood this year. “When a bunch of people asked me to coach, I said why not?” Lee said. “I played soccer here at Northwood too, and I missed playing, so this was my way of being active and being a part of the school.” Lee, along with many of the alumni coaches, is also a teacher on campus, making contributions both in the classroom and on the field. The unique position of teacher, alumni and coach at their alma mater brings opportunity to understand students on a deeper level and pay their positive experiences forward to the
next generation of athletes. “When I coach, I can connect with my students and learn about who they are outside of school,” swim and cross country coach Shiela Shaikh, class of 2011, said. “Being in sports and having a connection with my coach and friends was a huge part of my high school experience, so this is how I give back to the program.” The youngest alumna coach on campus, Erin Halle, who graduated in 2021, returned this winter season as head coach of the girls JV basketball team. Halle was a starter for the var-
sity girls basketball team only last winter. “At first, it was strange coming to Northwood as a coach rather than a student or player, but after a while, I got the hang of it,” Halle said. “As I’m learning with my players, our dynamic differs slightly from the typical coach and player relationship, but their patience and hard work has made coaching them much easier.” Student-athletes have had positive experiences with younger coaches and appreciate their relatability and sense of understanding. This is particularly clear in teams like boys and girls water polo, which have three coaches who all attended Northwood: Class of 2010 Kyle Kim-E, Class of 2012 Isabelle Comtois and Class of 2016 Maddie Choi. “Our coaches being young is good,” freshman Harry Dang said. “Things don’t feel so serious because they’re younger, but still I know they have a lot of experience in the game.” Alumni coaches also have an invaluable asset that other coaches lack: fresh memories of what high school is like for Northwood students. “It’s helpful to have the experience of being a student athlete at Northwood because it gives me a better understanding of what my players need from me,” Halle said. Understanding student perspectives helps bridge the gap between players and coaches, which is a part of why alumni coaches are so loved by the athletes. Their experience as a student not only helps them advise new athletes on various aspects of the game, but also provides a unique understanding of the Northwood experience their athletes are currently immersed in, contributing to their success.
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Mei Ono MANAGING EDITOR Claire Chien ADVISER Marina Alburger COPY EDITOR Jonathan Kang LAYOUT EDITOR Abby Fang NEWS EDITORS Mihir Kulkarni Kevin Sohn ACCENT EDITOR Lana Hwang A&E EDITOR Ashley Lee CENTERSPREAD EDITOR Yenna Kim VIEWPOINT EDITOR Eugenie Chang SPORTS EDITOR Rachel Gima JUNK EDITOR Rahul Khanna THO EDITORS Kathy Chun Tyler Wong PHOTO EDITOR Matthew Dimaandal GRAPHIC EDITORS Nicole Curtis Anjana Narasimhan BUSINESS MANAGER Aniket Kamat PHOTOGRAPHERS Ellie Chan Adrian Chen Andrew Lee GRAPHIC ARTISTS Rachel Gunawan Richelle Gunawan Ellie Lan Saba Nabaeighahroudi Chloe Song STAFF WRITERS Parashar Bharadwaj Arya Bhattacharjee Helia Degan Noelle Escalante Rhea Gupta Yejin Heo Rita Lai Annie Lee Diego Moreno Chris Song Annabel Tiong Erin Tsai Karen Wang Rachel Yokota
Befuddling Bufoonery
The Northwood Howler
December 9, 2021
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A tale on finals week Good gravy! An interview with a delicious
turkey moments before their fowl future
By Annabel Tiong Staff Writer
Have you ever been staring at a particularly wordy page of “The Canterbury Tales” and desperately wished you were a pilgrim in the Middle Ages to avoid studying for your test? (Yes, clearly a universal experience). Well believe it or not, those in the medieval times also had their fair share of “all-knighters” and complicated plagiarism issues during their finals week. After reading this epic poem that I dug up from ancient Howler archives, you’ll probably feel grateful and better off just getting on Quizlet and grinding for that final. Tis of many students I have to tell Who, long before the morning class bell Were sitting in a pile of dust for bread and butter. As they sat, they heard the clock strike eight and stutter, One of them called And said “It is time—look alive!—Finals week has begun; Let us prepare ourselves, and mourn together once the deed is done.” There was a Scientist, a most distinguished boy Whose test was no mere joke nor toy He had done nobly thus far; Outlasting skeptics and remaining stout in reasoning Yet the final challenge: laden with fleas and rats The teacher spat: “Survive the Dysentery, the Plague, Death’s ink-black ugly grip-” And to this he could not, ultimately succumbing to an F (in the chat).
By Helia Degan and Jonathan Kang Staff Writer and Copy Editor
This past Thanksgiving, millions of turkeys clucked in unison as they were prepared for Thanksgiving potlucks. The Howler scored an exclusive interview with one such turkey, Cluck Feathers, moments before his claim to fame. The Howler: Can you tell us about yourself and your background? Cluck Feathers: I’ve lived on a farm for about two years and graduated from the University of California Yummy Turkey with a major in Juicy Studies. Although I was more interested in egg-conomics, career prospects were low, so I decided to bring families together by being as tasty as possible. So exciting. TH: How did you come to this choice? Were you forced into it? CF: I was always going to get cooked—I essentially had no choice. However, after reading “Gobble’s Search for Meaning” by Cluck Frankl, I came to terms with my own mortality and even began to embrance it.
TH: Can you tell us more about what your job entails? CF: Since being eaten is my life’s purpose, I actually try to make my body as tasty as possible by doing some vocal warm ups, gobble gobble gobble. The more I warm up my voice, the more my body tastes good, just like magic. Additionally, at turkey school, all turkeys are taught how to stay calm throughout the whole process, even when we’re supposed to get cooked—think of how the toys in Toy Story stay still. This ensures that our muscles fibers aren’t tensed up and tough once we finally end up on the kitchen table. TH: What are you most excited for during the process of getting roasted? CF: I’m excited to go in the oven because I saw my entire family and friend group enter it, and they looked delicious when they came out. I think it’ll be fun and relaxing, because I get to lie down on the big pan with so many delicious vegetables around me! TH: Northwood students enjoy Thanksgiving break because it provides a brief respite after weeks
of working away. When do you get a break from work? CF: Well, I stay in the cool fridge and get to talk to Mr. Broccoli and Ms. Carrot, who are very nice folks, by the way. Once all is done, I’ll hopefully enjoy a bit of a more extended break in the pollo-y gates. TH: What is your dream dressing while being eaten? CF: Just last week I browsed some dressing stores and found that Ralph’s extra-large stuffing mix made my little legs pop. Unfortunately there weren’t any “going-tobe-eaten-soon” discounts. TH: What‘s one last thing you would want to say before putting a smile on a family’s face during Thanksgiving dinner? CF: Life is too short, so live it to the fullest, like I did. Run around the farms with your friends and family as much as you can until they come and put you in the fridge. Following this interview, Feathers was masterfully roasted and prepared for dinner as he desired. You can purchase him and other delicious turkeys at your local supermarket for only $4.99.
Saba Nabaeighahroudi The Northwood Howler
Some children were there also, of the finest diligence Jousting late with weary eyes and ambitiousness Their blades ran parallel with the dimming of the horizon’s light And with a final stab and poke, they decided to call it a (k)night. A poor decision, for their teacher shook with wickedest disapproval “Young ones,” he said, “you listen to me, tis’ crucial, Although I joke away. See me after the arena Lest thou wishes to end up churning margarine1”. Following the rye-led charge of the tournament, To the church they heeded A visit; in good judgement For their next assignment they were utterly incontent As they were told to make commoners repent. “Sell them some religious relics if you will, I have a lot of treasuries I’d like to overfill.” “And if you dare to cheatThoughts of this kind, trust me, no ghastlier section to transcend. Of every soul, grant pardon and relieve Asking any other source, pope or clergy is naive; Since thou willst receive only: “ERROR 404: PAGE2 not found.”
UNCOMMON APP graphic
“Well,” said the teacher, “our week draws to a close, And a jolly season of festivities is upon our toes! Marks3 come, marks go! We’ll spend it as we ought, Free from stresses, free from fretting and whatnot, A last chore; alas, it certainly cannot be done today… To you all I must say, Sleigh a dragon, and have a merry, cheerful Lord’s day!”
1 butter 2 a young apprentice of noble birth 3 grades
Anjana Narasimhan The Northwood Howler
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Befuddling Bufoonery
December 9, 2021
Christmas, Capitalism and Cartels: A hidden origin story By Chris Song Staff Writer
Christmas is a joyous occasion where people gather and cherish their time with family and friends. Essential to this holiday are a variety of traditions that have their own unique origins, all extremely innocent in their development.
Chloe Song The Northwood Howler
How to use The Howler after reading it By Erin Tsai Staff Writer
I know that The Howler is your favorite newspaper at Northwood, but I’m tired of seeing the papers strewn all over the floor or in the trash cans on campus at the end of the day. There are just so many better ways to use The Howler in your day-to-day life. 1. Use it as a paperweight. With the winter season comes slightly stronger winds than usual in Southern California, putting your work at risk. Instead of your important papers being carried away by the howling, gustacious breeze going at 2 mph, The Howler can fly away in its stead. Refill your pen ink. The smudging ink is a common complaint amongst readers of The Howler. In fact, the paper is probably leaving its traces on desks, clothes and even your hands right at this very moment (check your palms; I bet it’s there). Make use of this ink by refilling your pens whenever they’re out of ink. Use a
The Northwood Howler
spoon to scoop individual words into a separate container. With enough ink, you can create an environmentally-friendly “Squid Game”, this time with recycled ink instead of real squid ink. 3.
Fold an origami boat. Paper boats are a beloved classic; you can wear them as a hat or even throw them like a boomerang. If you ever find yourself aching for something to do on an uneventful, stormy afternoon reminiscent of Maine in 1988, use The Howler to fold a paper boat for your little brother. Be sure to say hi to the clown
peeking out at you from down the storm drain (he doesn’t bite). 4. Make a paper airplane. If you gather all 700 copies of The Howler that we passed out just today, along with previous editions, you just might have enough materials to build your own paper airplane Boeing 707. After getting the blueprints from the company and building the plane, you can get a pilot’s license. Make sure to register your vehicle with the front office to fly it! The Howler doesn’t want to encourage possibly illegal behavior in its readers.
2.
Matthew Dimaandal The Northwood Howler
WHATEVER FLOATS YOUR BOAT: Captain Ritwik Kumar of the USS Howler realizes that the clown wasn’t a figment of his imagination.
1. Gift-wrapping The tradition of Christmas presents is deeply rooted in Chinese history, as General Re-puh Kift giftwrapped the entire Great Wall of China to serve as a “present” to the Nomadic tribes north of the territory. Little did they know, this was a trap to ambush the enticed troops by hiding in the boxes, Trojan Horse style. In the spirit of this victory, China celebrates by gift-wrapping the entire Great Wall each year. To finance this, Chinese paper manufacturers sell gift-wrapping paper to gullible foreign nations, only to collect all of it back as recycled paper for the annual ceremony. This marketing campaign was so successful that China abandoned socialism for brief periods of time when the industry was most profitable. 2. Milk and Cookies Long gone are the days when people actually used fireplaces and reindeers to receive their Christmas presents. In those days, however, the delivery industry was heavily cartelized, artificially increasing the prices of shipping services and, more importantly, setting Christmas Eve and Day as commercial holidays while stamping out competitors—including Santa. If families were to pay for reindeer delivery in cash, the Christmas cartels would detect such activity through their cash-sensing detectors and block Santa from delivering presents. Cookies, however, were unable to be detected by the
cartel, making it a proper substitute for payments. Legend has it that Rudolph’s red nose was actually a giant pimple he developed from devouring too many buttery cookies during the Christmas season. 3. Christmas Trees During those years of Santa’s delivery by reindeer, there remained a cult of delivery company operators that was unamused by Santa’s unwillingness to cooperate in industry cartelization. Furious at his profits, they created a ploy where they would decorate the area around the fireplaces of their houses with trees to make it seem as if he landed in the woods, not the intended house, leaving him puzzled and unable to do his job. Unsurprisingly, Santa was not fooled by the trees and instead left the presents at the bottom of the tree. Amused by how the tree and the present complement each other, he released a statement for the next Christmas saying that he would only provide services to houses with Christmas trees. 4. Stockings It is evident that Christmas stockings were not meant to be worn by people, but reindeer. Santa’s reindeer constantly burnt through their stockings as they were zipping all around the world, causing a lot of pain in the hooves. Generous people started to provide stockings to Santa when he visited their home in case one of his reindeer was in need of one. With no knowledge of which reindeer needs which size, a general system of allocation was created in which every member of the family had their own stocking size to fulfill. The children would provide the smaller stockings for smaller hooved reindeer, while mothers and fathers would provide medium and large stocking sizes, respectively.
Rachel Gunawan The Northwood Howler