A Northwood High School Publication Volume XXII, Issue I: August 20, 2020
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INSIDE THIS ISSUE
Movies for Each Grade A&E 2
Photos provided by Coco Tsaur and Leslie Roach
W E ’ L L B E OA K - AY: Ad m i n i s t r a t i o n w o r k s d i l i g e n t l y t o p r e p a r e f o r t h e c h a l l e n g e s t h a t C OV I D - 1 9 b r i n g s .
Welcome back, T-wolves: COVID-style By Claire Chien News Editor
With a new school year comes a new you, and whether you’re a bewildered freshman or a junior with premature senioritis, Northwood is the perfect place for you to find your next journey. Although the school year is not starting off in person, extensive preparations are underway to ensure that students can still enjoy everything from our Grammy-winning music program to our unparalleled variety of clubs. As a reminder for distance learning, all instruction will be remote until Orange County is taken off of California’s COVID-19 watchlist for two consecutive weeks. Block scheduling is still in place, and TA and tutorial will be available on Mondays. Unlike the 2019-2020 spring semester, this year’s fall semester will operate by
the original grading system. Students can add or drop classes for the first few weeks of school. Additionally, standardized tests such as the SAT, ACT and PSAT will not be offered at Northwood for as long as distance learning is in place. “We appreciate everyone’s flexibility and willingness to work with us,” Assistant Principal Eric Keith said. “This is a little bit of a different situation, and we’ll try to make it work with everybody as much as we possibly can.” Despite all the changes to this school year, Northwood will still be offering clubs virtually. Information on the available clubs can be found in the Club Directory on Northwood’s website. All students can participate regardless of what academic model they chose. Furthermore, ASB has plenty of ideas to help everyone at Northwood feel connected and involved, even
without being on campus. “None of us could’ve ever imagined school turning out like this, but we’re super hyped to take on all these challenges,” ASB President senior Kara Chu said. “We’ll be reimagining our traditional events in a virtual format and coming up with new ones too. Be on the lookout for class activities, events for freshmen and good times for all!” On another note, all sports seasons have been adjusted to begin in either December 2020 or January 2021 according to guidelines from the California Interscholastic Federation (CIF). However, IUSD is planning to hold modified athletic camps for physical conditioning and skill training once school starts. Additionally, while it’s difficult to shift Visual and Performing Arts (VAPA) to an online format due to its large class sizes, close-knit community and constant need for collab-
oration, Northwood instructors are working hard to ensure that it can be done. VAPA still plans to host many events and performances throughout the year that students can both attend and be involved in. “I’ll definitely miss being able to collaborate and perform with my peers in person, but I’m still super excited to participate in VAPA this year,” Chamber Singers member junior Kaitlin To said. Regardless of what comes next, Northwood is ready to adapt through these unprecedented times. “I’m personally proud of our administrative team and leadership team, who have been really willing to reinvent things to fit this situation,” Principal Leslie Roach said. “It’s on everybody’s mind what school normally looks like. Not everything’s going to be perfect, but we’ll try to do the next best thing given the circumstances that we have.”
Division over Policing Viewpoint 7
Multi-Sport Athletes Sports 7
Diversify Our Narrative The Howler Online
Meet Zarina Yunis, The Howler’s new alpha By Zarina Yunis Editor-in-Chief
Photo provided by Zarina Yunis
Y U ( N I S ) K N OW YO U N E E D H E R : S e ni or Z ar in a Yunis is ready to lead The Howler pack into a new year.
There is no better place that sums up your teenage years than your high school campus. This is where you discover where you belong, meet some of your closest friends and begin preparing yourself for higher education and life after high school. You may still find yourself sticking to activities you enjoyed throughout elementary and middle school. That is great! However, you may also decide to branch out and try something that you weren’t previously interested in. That is OK too. Northwood offers a variety of sports, classes and clubs that all center around one goal: helping you feel welcome regardless of what you want to do. That said, you probably think I’m delusional for not addressing the elephant in the room. Due to
COVID-19, this year will be especially challenging. Events that we were all looking forward to will inevitably be cancelled. Freshmen will miss out on their first-year experience and seniors will most likely miss out on the myriad of events that they have waited their entire high school career for. Instead of battling traffic and speed bumps racing to greet our friends before the bell, our commute will look more like taking a few steps from our beds to our desks to see the faces of only those bold enough to turn on their Zoom cameras. Needless to say, sitting on a computer all day, keeping up with hundreds of emails and assignment notifications may get exhausting, both physically and mentally. However, while the conditions for this school year are far from ideal, we must continue to solemnly observe the repercussions the virus has had on this country—the health care
workers, first responders and other Americans, many of whom have died because they put themselves at risk to serve the community—and remain grateful that we are safe at home, at least for now. Although this year will look different from previous years of high school or the glamorous first year of high school you were expecting, continue to stay active and stay connected with friends and family. Your teachers may not be available in person to help you, but do not hesitate to reach out to them when you are struggling. Every adult on Northwood’s campus is here to guide you! In the meantime, follow health guidelines, complete your work and keep up with the activities you love. Soon enough, we will be back together to support each other in person. Whether you are at Irvine Virtual Academy or in hybrid, we got this T-wolves. For the good of the pack!
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ACCENT/A&E
The Northwood Howler
Counseling support amid academic model changes By Erin Kim Accent Editor
Though you may not be headed back to campus in person yet, never fear: the counselors are not going anywhere. They are dedicated to finding solutions to any obstacles the students may come across and will establish regular office hours. Counselors will also communicate with students and parents virtually, using online learning platforms such as Canvas. “All counselors will meet virtually via Zoom for now, and we are all very responsive to emails,” Head Counselor Allison Singer said. Counselors will also take advantage of school and community resources to oversee student academic progress, offer age appropriate programs that address students’ unique social and emotional needs and pro-
vide college and career assistance to seniors. While in-person meetings are preferred, they may be conducted virtually if face-to-face contact continues to be limited. In the meantime, Singer suggests that all students utilize the online platforms that they may already be familiar with, such as the school website, Canvas, the Northwood counseling team’s Instagram, as well as the calendar and reminder apps on their phones to stay on top of school work. She highly recommends that students constantly check their emails and link Canvas announcements to their personal emails in order to stay updated. “Embrace this new way of learning and put your knowledge of technology to good use,” Singer said. “Virtual connection and engagement is decidedly more difficult, but it’s manageable. You can do this!”
Photos provided by Daniel Murillo
MEET THE COUNSELING DEPARTMENT: Allison Singer, Megan Keller, My Kiakotos, Mi Jin Kim, Megan Ostovarpour and Kate West are ready to tackle the challenges of the new year by offering unwavering support.
How to tackle 2020: movie edition By Ashley Lee A&E Editor
When an upcoming school year is around the corner, many students go on a last minute shopping spree, tidy up their rooms for the last time or ponder how to spend those precious last moments of summer. But for those who could use some advice on how to survive this school year, The Howler asked Northwood students from each grade to recommend a film that students should watch to prepare for the 2020-2021 school year. Incoming Freshmen: Toy Story (PG) (1995) “From elementary school to middle school, there have been similar faces that you knew; but, in high school, there are new communities, from clubs to world languages. And oftentimes, although it may seem scary going through this transition, you will be able to learn to adapt and experience a community outside of your comfort zone. Toy Story embodies this when encountering new toys. And although the characters are wary of the change, they eventually embrace it and become great friends.” — sophomore Dylan Nelson
Rachel Gunawan The Northwood Howler
Incoming Sophomores: The Breakfast Club (R) (1985) “It’s a nice movie that shows how every student is unique and experiences things differently. High school is all about new experiences with many ups and downs, and this movie is a classic, which gives a more realistic approach of what high school is really like compared to the
other chick-flick movies. After freshman year, you have an idea of what high school is like. So you can relate to some aspects of the movie. But in your sophomore year, you are trying to be better than your freshman self. You are building off of experiences you faced a year prior.” — junior Anjana Narasimhan
Incoming Juniors: Pride and Prejudice (PG) (2005) “This is one of the biggest books we read in Honors European Literature and it was actually a favorite for a lot of students. The movie does a great job of depicting [the novel]. I think Elizabeth’s drive is also what students should strive for in the junior year. Stay resilient against any setbacks in the midst of the AP classses and standardized testing, but don’t forget to have fun. I think that
Elizabeth was independent and and strayed from the norm of women at the time. She didn’t conform to societal pressures, but instead crafted her own path.” — senior Kamryn Scott Incoming Seniors: Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (PG) (1986) “This film really sets the mood for the senioritis lifestyle. I believe that seniors will be tempted to become complacent about school—especially if classes are mostly online. As seen in the film, skipping classes can be fun, but it can also create some messy situations and unintended consequences. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t make the most of the time you have, as Ferris states that ‘Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.’” — Northwood Class of 2020 Matthew Cheung
Rachel Gunawan The Northwood Howler
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VIEWPOINT/SPORTS 7 Is America as divided on police relations as we may think?
The Northwood Howler
BY CAMERON ARCAND
Viewpoint Editor
Life in the sane lane doesn’t feel so sane anymore, and I’m not just talking about the global pandemic. It seems that whenever somebody expresses their thoughts on social media, they are subject to immediate scrutiny by their supposedly politically savvy peers. The current hot button topic, policing in America, has brought along intense and polarizing rage from both sides of the aisle. If you do not feel strongly on either side, you are not alone. The reality of the current discourse among average Americans reflects differently than scenes of chaos on our television screens. Once we zoom out and look into real life, we begin to understand that the intense dichotomy occurring on our smartphones is a ruse. Along with the cesspool that is cable news, social media platforms have become the grim reaper of public discourse. Any time somebody has an opinion, regardless of its validity, they can share their thoughts to the online world within seconds. Everyone is a culprit, and the author of this piece would like to personally apologize for their own contribution to the mess. Instagram activists are on the rise, reposting immense amounts of content regarding the issues surrounding police and race relations. Most notably, millions of Instagram users posted a black square on their page in an event known as “Blackout Tuesday” as a way of showing support for the Black Lives Matter movement. While these keyboard warriors may have positive intentions, there are people who only post
August 20, 2020
to give the impression that they care about issues relating to social justice, otherwise known as performance activism. The lack of authenticity is concerning, and will not progress any sort of movement. Activism is defined by action, when people take their passion into their own communities by donating, signing petitions and volunteering their time to causes that will help those who need it. We need to ask ourselves if we are just
sue police officers for using excessive force.” Ending qualified immunity would be a start in holding police officers more accountable for their actions on the job, similar to how doctors can be charged with malpractice. Although qualifed immunity is not a “cure all” for police issues in Amierca, this would keep police officers more alert of their actions, as well as their coworkers actions.
participating in a trend, or trying to have a meaningful impact. Even once people get out of their social media bubble, they are probably still bound to feel that fierce divide. Surprisingly, polls taken recently reflect a common consensus on the topic. A majority of Americans want to see some changes in policing, but want to retain the same level of police presence in their communities. According to a Pew Research Poll, 66% of Americans want to end qualified immunity and believe that “civilians need to have the power to
Asian Americ a n s w o u l d like to see the same amount or more police in their neighborhoods. Due to the many factors that impact the relationRACHEL GUNAWAN The Northwood Howler ship between poWhen there is lice in their community, no threat of being out of such as bias of officers, work or sued for misconduct, it one poll does not tell the appears that officers will face next to whole story. But when it comes to pono conseqences if they do something lice presence, this may paint a better with malintent. picture of how most Americans feel The major reason why many about their local police department. reforms are so difficult to put into While there are people who place is because of police unions. strongly believe in defunding or even Police unions are in the public sector, abolishing the police force, this is not meaning they have direct influence an accurate depiction of what most over policy making, as the govern- Americans think. A vast majority ment is their boss. Politicians will be want to see changes to how the po-
Multi-sport athletes’ last resort BY VARUN VISHNUBHOTLA Sports Editor
The news that California high school sports seasons are set to resume in early January was welcomed with open arms by most, but there were a few surprises in the revised calendars for the 2020-2021 year that could negatively impact Northwood’s multi-sport athletes. As news broke of schools closing, sophomore Andrew Penrod had been tirelessly working on his defense to help the Varsity Football team, while also practicing both sides of the ball for Boys Volleyball and Boys Basketball. However, for the upcoming season, volleyball and football will coincide in the fall season. They will have to strike an unforseen balance between school work and athletics. “I now know which sports I may need to focus on and devote more time to especially during quarantine,” Penrod said. “It may take away a part of my life that I really wanted, but I just might have to move on and see it as an experience to dial in on reality.” In addition to impacting the players, coaches are facing more pressure than before to carefully pick their teams, according to an article
by the Los Angeles Times on the long-term impacts of high school sports. With more people forced to quit sports due to potential conflicts, the slight dip in the number of athletes could lead to a domino effect as budgeting is projected to decrease. In addition to the looming threat that sports may not resume at all, coaches will have to conduct their tryouts in accordance with these external factors, which could lead to more selective programs during tryouts. However, Northwood’s sports administrators are hoping to optimize the upcoming season, especially for team practices and individual workouts during the spring season. “Our incredible athletic directors and coaches are extremely aware of the potential field space and are working diligently to develop a plan to make sports ideal for everyone,” Assistant Principal Eric Keith said. With the increased time commitment during the season, students will have to be more efficient with their time to alleviate the stress that comes with being a student-athlete, especially with online classes. “I hope these events will be a blessing in disguise for all of Northwood’s multi-sport athletes, especially due to quarantine,“ Penrod said.
COCO TSAUR The Northwood Howler
PLAYING BALL, LEAVING IT ALL: Sophomore Andrew Penrod secures a tackle to prevent a big gain on the ground.
less likely to take action on policing issues if they are taking money from those unions. Oftentimes, public sector unions end up becoming tools for a political agenda as opposed to just being used as a collective baragaing method for conditions of their employment. As for the role of police in communities, a recent Gallup poll had rather shocking takeaways. 81% of Black Americans, 88% of White Americans, 83% of Hispanic Americans, and 72% of
lice operate, but not dismantling of the police. As always, extreme voices tend to be the loudest. The silver lining is that many people do agree on the issue, it is just a matter of putting those moderate voices into action. Obviously, that is not going to happen in a Facebook comments section fight with your Aunt Jill. Real change will only occur when we have conversations with each other in person (or over Zoom). Things may seem tense right now, but cooler heads will prevail. When we are able to have civil discourse with one another, we will realize that we may agree on more than we think and that our ultimate end goals are similiar. In America, every voice matters and has an impact. So choose wisely. Do we want to make radical changes in the name of revolution, and possibly regret it later? Or do we want to make reforms that can easily be altered to fit the needs of our society? Our rhetoric drives these decisions, and America’s future is at stake. Prioritizing certain facts over others to push an agenda is leading to the downfall of civil discourse, so we need to start doing better now before it is too late. America does not feel normal right now, and it likely will not feel normal for a long time. When we are dealing with everything spanning from police tensions to a pandemic, anger and misinformation is going to be the biggest enemy. The best thing we can do for ourselves right now is to be on the look out for each other, while also being careful with the quality of information that we consume. Polarization stems from partisanship and falsehoods, and it is up to us to stop it.
College recruiting during COVID-19
RACHEL GUNAWAN The Northwood Howler
BY VARUN VISHNUBHOTLA Sports Editor
College recruitment season is in chaos: The COVID-19 pandemic has thrown the sports landscape into limbo, casting uncertainty for prospective collegiate athletes as scouting undergoes a massive change. Previously, college scouts would attend live games to evaluate each athlete’s work ethic and skill, both on and off the pitch. With the Fall 2020 athletic season postponed or possibly even canceled, high school juniors looking to rack up achievements or seniors seeking to remedy a past season’s lackluster performance are unable to showcase their talents for college coaches, who value junior and senior season play. College coaches are currently relying on uncut game film, transcripts, test scores, as well as social media connections, to determine recruits, causing many fans to question the effectiveness of the protocol since there is no definitive recruiting protocol among colleges.
Prospective Men’s Tennis collegiate athlete senior Cory Pham feels that this will definitely affect his recruiting perspective. “I think the process is now more involved since athletes will have to rely on high school coaches to put in a good word for them,” Pham said. The changes in college recruiting are also an indirect consequence of the National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA)’s implemented changes to the 2020-2021 college season. With the cancellation of nonconference games, gaping holes will appear in athletic budgets. Simply put, colleges will cut non-revenue sports programs, since many programs are now subsidized, providing fewer landing spots for recruits. Additionally, sports leagues such as Major League Baseball, have reduced the number of draft rounds, resulting in many prospective professionals remaining at school and fewer roster spots for incoming freshmen. An unexpected product of the situation has been an influx of ath-
letes to community college athletic programs, where players have the opportunity to impress college coaches, scouts, the training facility and other members of a college athletic faculty at their leisure. “We are excited to have the support of the California Community College Athletic Association (CCCAA) to implement a plan to bring sports back with modifications,” Los Angeles Pierce College Athletic Director Susan Armenta said. “The competition revival is great for our program and other CCCAA programs nationwide.” Meanwhile, future collegiate athletes are using the quarantine to maximize their performance, both physically and mentally, since college scholarships are currently the hottest commodity in sports. “I see the current recruiting sequence, and the current protocols, as a wakeup call,” Pham said. “I have to work twice as hard to keep my scholarship, since I know there is someone just as talented fighting for mine.”
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Shambolic Shenanigans
The Northwood Howler
“Back to school” essentials Northwood’s fabled theater ghost speaks out some strobe lights over your face to distract your classmates even more. Junk Editor To top it off, ignore all of your teachAs we all head back to school— ers’ requests to mute you so the whole and by that I mean take three steps class can listen in on your baby sister out of bed towards your desk—it trying to play the violin downstairs. will be like never before. And that A real desk chair. If you were is why we need a school supply list wondering what desk chair you like never before. should buy, the answer is no. For Forget the pencils, those looking for the utmost comfort, pens and papers a massage chair is the way to go. It of the past. Here might be a bit over budget, but let’s is a list of all the be honest, you can’t put a price on essentials you need chill vibez. Pair it with a bathrobe to to cruise through school, make every day a spa COVID-19 edition. day. For the ultimate Sleep supplies. Everyone will flex, buy a $1200 stare at their screens and act like gaming chair and they’re paying attention during those leave the price tag long Zoom calls. A better use of your on for the whole time is to find the fluffiest hot pink year. travel pillow you can find and catch The snacks. some sleep while you do it. Snooze Like the old saying, comfortably while sitting through last but certainly not your classes, and get some extra least. They’re a mustneck support while have when you’re trapped in your you’re at it. Even math conference and can’t bribe better, snap on a sibling into bringing you some. some eyeshades Not to worry, however, because and you’ll be The Howler has devised a plan transported just for you. Solve all of your to the nap- VICTORIA TA The Northwood Howler snacking needs with a simple ping heav- en you’ve always solution: a chocolate founwanted. Wearing two vertically over tain. Dip whatever each eye will set yourself apart snack you’d like from your classmates. Now that’s and voila! Chocsocial distancing. olatey goodness Zoom protocol. Asserting awaits. It might yourself during conference calls drip all over is a must at the start of the year. your ChromeBe sure to arrive fashionably late book (at least it and start off with a flashy virtual wasn’t a Mac) and background that has various animals attract a few critters, constantly flying in and out. Mix in but hey, no pain, no gain. By Mihir Kulkarni
By Mihir Kulkarni
Junk Editor
Have you ever heard mysterious sounds coming from the upstairs bathrooms? Do you feel sudden shivers when walking by the oak? Do you slip on the stairs when they’re perfectly dry? You either haven’t gotten enough sleep or have likely been a victim of Yugot Prankd (aka Demitri), the ghost that has been haunting Northwood since its infancy. We sat down for an interview with him to catch up on how his life has changed with no students on campus. The Howler: How has the absence of students affected your daily routine and activities? Yugot Prankd: Well, I’ve had to find new ways to haunt students. Usually I have unfortunate summer campers to pick on, but this year I’ve been venturing off campus a bit more, and trying some new things. I cancelled SATs left and right, crashed a couple students’ online AP exams and managed to make the lines at the DMV even longer. I’ve had a difficult time reaching my quota of seven scares a day, but it’s doable with hard work. TH: That is impressive. Tell us more about what you do at Northwood specifically. YP: Back home, I live in the black box of the theater. You might hear some objects clanging around in the back sometimes, which is when I accidentally knock over something. My favorite place to haunt is the upstairs boys bathroom in the 1100 building. I randomly flush the toilet when nobody’s there, diligently emp-
ty all the soap dispensers, and always turn off the faucet right after someone starts it. TH: Could you tell us about some of the Oak’s secrets? YP: Ah yes, the Oak. It’s been here for longer than I can remember, and it’s always had some sinister powers. These days, all I see there are tables set up where students can buy this odd looking drink. There was this one time, however, where it shot out a beam of light into the sky. I could have swore I saw an alien ship, but it was gone in a flash. TH: That’s slightly concerning. What are some of the favorite pranks that you like to pull on students? YP: The first day of school is like Christmas for me. I usually shuffle schedules around and change the
room numbers for classes. The chaos is beautiful. I also enjoy changing the names on roll lists to confuse teachers, especially substitute teachers. TH: What are you going to do with everyone sitting at home? YP: I can’t reveal all my plans yet, but I have been sharpening my computer skills. Don’t be surprised if your internet crashes or your Zoom background randomly starts changing on the first day of school. TH: What advice do you have to give for any future ghosts? YP: Make sure that you’re wellknown among the phantom community. Assert your dominance and frighten them into complying with your desires. Otherwise the next time you ask for help with a prank, you might get ghosted.
VICTORIA TA The Northwood Howler
ALWAYS IN GOOD SPIRITS: Theater ghost Yugot Prankd happily prepares the theater for a special night of pranking before the unfortunate guests arrive for the concert.
DIY masks: an exclusive guide for trendsetters #AllKarensMatter takes off By Mihir Kulkarni
Junk Editor
With everyone wearing a mask these days, making an impression can be difficult. Even the most exciting masks might have a polka dot or two. To spice up your collection, here are some mask ideas to make you the talk of the town. Important disclaimer: The Howler is not responsible for any adverse physical or financial consequences that arise from wearing these superior face coverings. 1. Your smile is just too perfect for people not to see. Use a saran wrap mask to show off your superior teeth to anyone who passes by. Walk into any store or building you like and laugh at others who haven’t thought of such a great idea. Don’t worry if you start to feel a bit dizzy, because that means the mask is working. Fainting is also perfectly normal. If it gets especially tight, just cut a few holes in the mask. 2. Put all the extra toilet paper that you stocked up on back in March to good use by creating a toilet paper ninja mask. Simply wrap it around your face as many times as you would like while leaving just enough space for your eyes to see, and your mask is complete! Creep stealthily around your neighborhood and scare unsuspecting joggers to become the ninja warrior you were always meant to be. Scare people even more by acting like a mummy. 3. If you want to really make an impression, you’ll have to do some online shopping. Buy an astronaut Halloween costume on Amazon and squeeze that helmet onto your head. Not only does it thwart any virus, it also functions as a superior bike helmet. Additionally, nobody’s going trick-or-treating these days, so you’ll turn heads wherever you go. There’s a chance you might get some odd glances, but just say, “I know, it’s out of this world.”
4. A life-sized hamster ball has been recommended by both doctors and epidemiologists worldwide. You’ll crush any virus or living being in your path, if you can just figure out how to get out the front door. Fashion
designers also give it rave reviews, gushing over how “it just rolls with any outfit.” Howler Pro Tip: Roll your way in between a group of teenagers who are not socially distancing to make sure they stay six feet apart!
VICTORIA TA The Northwood Howler
By Mihir Kulkarni
Junk Editor
The federal government has reported a 250% increase in official name change requests for those with the first name “Karen” as compared to previous years. Though no causal relationship has been established to explain this rise, the increase coincides with the rise of the #AllKarensMatter movement, a social media campaign started by the National Karen Association (NKA), a group founded to help middle-aged white women embrace their inner Karen. The cause aims to protect the rights of all Karens who throw tantrums and frustrate anyone around them in the name of societal progress and change. “We need to be a nuisance to everyone,” NKA President Karen Boutme said. “We cannot ‘mind our own business’ when we don’t get exactly what we want no matter what.” Along with their social media presence, the NKA has provided classes on the basic rules of Karening, discussing strategies to make a public scene over even the tiniest of inconveniences, causing headaches for everyone. “We believe that we are truly doing good in this community by improving people’s headache resistance,” NKA Chief Spokeswoman Karen Tumuch said. “By giving them headaches more often, we can help them get used to the stress that comes with them.” The impact of Karening classes has been felt around the nation. Passive-aggressive Post-It notes have appeared on cars parked more than ten inches away from the curb. Restaurants are receiving a surge in one-star reviews for having 22 instead of 23 french fries in their meals. Most notably, however, companies’ customer service sectors are reporting an average 198% increase in complaints.
Ironically, not all Karens are on board with the #AllKarensMatter movement. A coalition directly opposed to middle-aged bitty selfishness has begun to take shape, fittingly using the hashtag #NotAllKarens. By placing free gift baskets on doorsteps, they hope to change the connotation that comes with being a “Karen” these days. “It’s not my fault my parents named me Karen 30 long years ago,” Karen Sharin said. “I’m a perfectly nice person who has never complained in my life, and now everyone just assumes I’m literally the worst. I’ve lost all my friends, and it’s just not fair.” As the fight between warring Karen groups intensifies, innocent bystanders have been caught in the crossfire. People named Kara, Cara, Karin, Kaitlin and inexplicably Martha have been accused of being surreptitious Karens in disguise. Meanwhile, Karen Karenz’s new bestselling book, Things Fall Apart: A World Without Karens, has sold over 5 million copies while Karen themed action figures, which include a limited edition voice-over of the iconic “I want to talk to your manager!” are flying off the shelves across the country. Later this year, the NKA will host the first ever National Karen Convention. On the agenda are demands inluding barring anyone named Karen from changing their name, or possibly just renaming everybody “Karen.” If such a noble and virtuous cause is met with opposition, the NKA claims, they will take it to the Supreme Court.They claim that the justices will not have any trouble deciding between a world full of chaos or one that brings all Americans a sense of equality free of negative Karen stereotypes. Meanwhile, the War of the Karens wages on.