A Northwood High School Publication Volume XXII, Issue VI: March 19, 2021
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GOLDEN-BUZZER WORTHY: Junior Anjana Narasimhan (left) showcases her speed-painting after being introduced by hosts seniors Daniel Moshayedi and Alexis Compton (right).
Northwood’s Got Talent: T-wolves perform at annual talent show By Yejin Heo Staff Writer
The Northwood Talent Show aired on the NHS Den YouTube Channel on March 8, showcasing a diverse collection of performances from students and teachers. Planned by freshman class council, the virtual show featured seniors Alexis Compton and Daniel Moshayedi as the hosts, who introduced the pre-submitted acts and offered entertaining transitions between the performances.
“We organized with the hosts of the talent show and with an editor from ASB to put together the actual video,” freshman class vice president Kristie To said. “I’m proud that our video reached 1,000 views, deeming it as the most viewed video on the NHS Den YouTube.” One act featured freshman Joy Bae and sophomore Catie Jamieson, performing a dance number to the song “Nowadays & Hot Honey Rag” from the 2002 film “Chicago.” The pair frequently rehearsed at the Northwood dance studio to discuss
how to block, choreograph and film their musical theatre number. “I love that you are able to express yourself through motions in dance, and those emotions are delivered onto the audience as well,” Bae said. “I also love the fact that you are working out while having fun.” Another performer, junior Anjana Narasimhan, has been passionate about painting since she was three years old. She found her love for speed painting in her freshman year when she showcased her talent for the first time at Northwood’s 2019
Talent Show with a striking portrait of Oprah. This year, she chose a Rajasathni woman to paint. “I chose this picture because of her eyes and Indian heritage,” Narasimhan said. “The eyes reflected power and strength, and I wanted to convey this through my artwork.” Speed painting requires skill, concentration and flexibility, which Narasimhan harnesses through daily practice and confidence-boosting music. She is passionate about releasing new, bold and innovative work into the artistic community.
“Anyone can do art regardless of talent and skill, which is what makes it beautiful,” Narasimhan said. Art in all forms brings people together. The 2020-21 Talent Show represented the spirit of Northwood and the continued support for performers’ hard work. “My favorite part about planning the talent show was giving the student body the opportunity to showcase their skills and hobbies,” To said. “The talent show was a great way to increase student engagement and promote school spirit.”
Graduation made in-person Dr. Roach wins Administrator of the Year By Erin Kim Accent Editor
Seniors from all of IUSD high schools will have an in-person graduation ceremony, as communicated on March 9 via Northwood Principal Leslie Roach’s email update. While further details are expected to be confirmed in early April, the occasion will be split into at least two separate in-person ceremonies, which will be socially distanced and livestreamed. Each graduate will be allowed two guests. “This year has been tough for seniors, and now that we have an in-person graduation, I feel more motivated and hopeful,” senior Ashley Weimer said. “After all, we’ve been in education for over 12 years waiting for this moment!” Plans for an in-person graduation have become the light at the end of the tunnel for many seniors, especially as the prospects of other traditions such as prom are looking grim
because they are unstructured events and thus, harder to plan in compliance to health guidelines. “I honestly didn’t expect to have a graduation, considering how the pandemic has cancelled everything,” senior Ashlyn Hoang said. “We haven’t gotten to do many end-of-high school activities with each other, so graduation is our last chance to celebrate together.” An in-person ceremony has been made possible due to resounding support from IUSD high school principals to recognize this milestone to the fullest extent, along with collaboration between the IUSD office and the Orange County Health Care Agency. “The Class of 2021 has endured this pandemic with grace,” Roach said. “Certainly there were some things that the seniors missed, but it has been great to see how well they have continued to be creative and support one another during this crazy time—keep it up!”
IUSD Superintendent Terry Walker said. “It’s how she treats people, how she advocates for staff and how she Northwood Principal Leslie adapts to manage the school.” Roach received the Marcus Foster Roach has served as NorthMemorial Award for Administrator wood’s principal since 2007. Her Excellence through the Association determination and flexof California School Administrators ibility as principal can (ACSA) on March 8 after being be seen most notanominated by Northwood staff. bly in her response The Marcus Foster Memoto the COVID-19 rial Award is meant to recogpandemic, accordnize school administrators ing to a recomthat demonstrate mendation letter exemplary from Northwood leadership staff. They cited and foster how Roach coneducational stantly strived to opportunities. offer support to Recipients restudents who strugceive a $5,000 grant to gled with distance support their school’s selearning, whether it niors. was by creating sup“Dr. Roach is a big port classes, hosting reason why Northwood is a staff development or successful school and why making home visits. the community is thriving,” Coco Tsaur The Northwood Howler “Never daunted By Claire Chien and Abigail Fang News Editors
by any obstacle, Dr. Roach’s ability to look at challenges from multiple perspectives and find creative solutions is what inspires those who work with her,” Northwood staff said in their recommendation. In turn, Roach expressed her own gratitude for the rest of Northwood staff. “The staff here has been willing to take on challenges over the years to do better for the next group of students,” Roach said. “Sometimes that means mass change and sometimes that means smaller things like improving their own classrooms each day, and I don’t take that for granted.” Roach will continue on as a finalist for ACSA’s State Administrator of the Year Award, which will have its results announced on March 29. “I feel really proud and lucky to be a member of the Northwood community,” Roach said. “Northwood is a place where students and staff alike care a lot for each other, and it shows in everything they do.”
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March 19, 2021 December 16, 2019
IN BRIEF By Helena Zhou Staff Writer
Northwood students qualify for the AIME
Sophomore Chris Song and juniors Jason Yang, Lindsey Yi and Andy Zhu passed the American Mathematics Competitions (AMC) exams administered by the Math Olympiad club on Feb. 4 and Feb. 10. The top AMC test takers qualify to take the American Invitational Mathematics Examination (AIME) on March 10 and March 18, followed by the USA Mathematical Olympiad and Junior Mathematical Olympiad. The Math Olympiad club prepared by participating in the California Math League Competition and holding monthly contests with local high schools. “I’ve been humbled to see our members working so tirelessly to demonstrate their mathematical skills,” Zhu, the Math Olympiad president, said. “It’s extremely fulfilling to see their efforts pay off.”
Harrison Huai donates masks Sophmore Harrison Huai donated 2,400 masks to Northwood on Feb. 16 through his organization Repair the World, which he founded last December to donate masks to local schools and senior centers. “During the second spike of the COVID-19 pandemic, I saw the challenges schools were facing to address the virus all while providing a high level of education to students,” Huai said. “I’m thankful for all the staff at school because they worked so hard to ensure the safety of students, and I wanted to do something within my ability to support them.” Huai then negotiated with a mask manufacturing company to acquire 7,000 masks, 2,400 of which went to Northwood, 3,000 to Tarbut V’Torah Community Day School and the rest to assisted living facilities. With Huai’s organization just budding, he hopes to continue serving the community by assisting retirement villages and working with the City of Irvine to promote awareness about COVID-19.
Speech & Debate State Quals The Northwood Speech and Debate team competed virtually at the Orange County Speech League (OCSL) State Qualifiers tournament from Feb. 26-28. State qualifiers include sophomore Aniket Kamat in Congress and Lincoln-Douglas, sophomore Siddhanth Kumar in Oratorical Interpretation, sophomores Ananya Badari and Anthara Thirupathi in Public Forum and juniors Abigail Fang and Alexander Fu in Policy. Following such a strong showing, the team is preparing for competing at the California High School Speech Association State Tournament from April 23 to 25.
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AcaDeca (Aca)Decks their competitors By Rachel Gima Staff Writer
The Northwood Academic Decathlon team won 37 medals at the county competition from Jan. 13 to Feb. 6. The team of 30 students competed across 10 different subjects, including economics, essay, speech and music. Students who placed in the top five of each category earned a medal. “I am especially proud of the teamwork all of us put in to prepare for the competition,” junior Peter Hsu said. “We held study sessions every week leading up to testing.” Each year, students focus on a specific theme around which all the categories are centered around. This year, while
each section of the competition had a slightly different format, all topics were related to the Cold War. “In the science event, we were tested on the fundamentals of astronomy and the history of the Space Race,” Hsu said. “In literature, we read ‘Cat’s Cradle’ by Kurt Vonnegut and analyzed how Cold War authors addressed the issue of nuclear weapons.” Because the theme covers a span of many years, the topics of the different categories were broad as well. As a result, preparing for Academic Decathlon required extensive study in the category that one chose to compete in.
Although Northwood DecathConsidering the virtual setting of the competition this year, letes are not moving on to the state the students were faced with a va- competition due to an insufficient riety of chal- number of varsity members, the suclenges. No- cesses of each individual student contably, while tributed to a high score for the team. The members are looking forstudying was largely done in ward to next year’s competition, groups in prior where they can continue to learn and years, students had to gain lifelong skills. “My favorite part about Acaexplore different study demic Decathlon has to be the spirit materials this year. “I read through of the decathletes,” Hsu said. “The the study guide of Decathlon pushes you to understand the subject that I material across all disciplines and have excellent soft was focusing on t o skills on top prepare of that. No for the competition,” decathlete junior Sriya Adunur can achieve said. “I took notes on this without the study guide and fellow team then memorized members the main details of who have each section. There the same enwere also many thusiasm and quizlets that other drive to tackle Decathletes made to such a chalstudy, so I found those to be Richelle Gunawan The Northwood Howler lenge.” helpful.”
Stacking up: Book drive for Northwood library By Jonathan Kang Staff Writer
Northwood PTSA worked with head librarian Peter Fatzaun to create the “Pack the Shelves” book drive, designed to update and expand the Northwood library’s collection of books. Over 100 new books have been donated thus far. The drive, which became open to the public on Feb. 10, is based on parent and student participation, as donors can purchase specific books for the library from a list on the PTSA website. Donors can also give set amounts of money that will go towards monthly new releases, award winning titles and classics to stock the Northwood library. “As a new staff member at this school, when talking to other teachers and administrators, one major constant was how there is something for everyone here at Northwood,” Fatzaun said. “Libraries can offer books for students to get lost in and a safe place to study, yet the Northwood library clearly needed vast improvements.” After analyzing school library and collection statistics, Fatzaun made the PTSA aware of the problem with Northwood’s library. Among
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D R I V I N G I N N E W G E N R E S : No r t hw o o d h e a d l i b r a r i a n Pe t e r Fa t z a u n h o p e s t o rece ive a var iet y of ne w book s to build the Nor thwood media ce nte r into a librar y. other issues, the Northwood library has the fewest number of books available compared to other IUSD schools, with books averaging 27 years of age. “I want any student on campus to be able to walk into the library and find at least one book they would want to read,” Fatzaun said. “I obviously included high-interest books,
but also nonfiction narrative books, graphic novels, classic literature, books on race, LGBTQ books and books on diversity.” The drive has no specific end date, so students and parents can continue to donate for the foreseeable future. Although there are only 103 books on the list as of now, the library
will continue to expand in both variety and numbers. “I want to inspire students to try something new and provide opportunities to explore reading beyond the classroom,” Fatzaun said. “Having print books available can help students find some comfort somewhere as an escape to the anxious world we live in right now.”
Science Olympiad Regionals The two Northwood Science Olympiad teams placed 2nd and 30th overall at the Science Olympiad Socal Joint Regional competition on Feb. 27, with students placing in the top six for 21 events. The competition featured students in groups of two to three participating in 23 events ranging from tests on genetics to inquiry events that analyze experimental data. “Even though we’ve had to adjust to a lot of changes this year, I’m so proud of everyone on the team for working towards our 2nd place spot at this year’s regional competition,” Science Olympiad co-captain senior Andrea Huang said. “I’m so grateful for the enthusiasm and commitment everyone has been showing this year.”
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Women’s (Her)story Month: Celebrating women then and now By Rachel Yokota Staff Writer
Every March, women across America gather to celebrate the countless moments of bravery and strength that women have shown in the face of adversity. Women’s History Month is dedicated to recognizing the efforts made to break through gender barriers and hopes to empower women nationwide. The annual theme for 2021 is “Valiant Women of the Vote: Refusing to be Silenced” and celebrates the hundredth anniversary of the 19th Amendment, tying into Kamala Harris’ inauguration as the first female U.S. Vice President. “[I owe it to] all the women who worked to secure and protect the right to vote for over a century: 100 years ago with the 19th Amendment, 55 years ago with the Voting Rights Act and now, with a new generation of women in our country who cast their ballots and continued the fight for their fundamental right to vote and be heard,” Harris said. This year’s theme not only celebrates a monumental leap forward for women’s rights, but also illustrates the strength of female resolve. The suffrage campaign required nearly a century’s worth of work and activism, resulting in huge protests that ultimately brought women one step closer to the same privileges as men. However, women do still experience some disparity in social equality, particularly visible in the pay gap, where women earn on average 81 cents for every dollar a man earns, according to a 2020 report from Payscale. That number falls to 72 cents
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UNFINI(SHE)D: Both Harris and Guntrip join the fight for women’s rights, continuing a legacy of persistence. for every dollar when looking at the computer programming industry, according to a 2016 report by Glassdoor. “This simply should not be happening,” vice president of Northwood’s Girls Who Code club junior Emily Li said. “If both genders are
performing the exact same work of the same quality, then they deserve equal payments of reward.” Women locally and worldwide have been taking action to close this wage gap. Girls Who Code works to bridge these differences between men and women in the field of computer
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science by educating the next generation of developers in programming languages such as Scratch and Python. “We not only hope to teach students useful and applicable knowledge, but we also intend to empower students, especially girls, starting
from a young age,” Li said. “We want to teach them that even though coding might seem complicated, they are capable of learning and mastering difficult concepts.” Additionally, the Northwood club National Organization for Women (NOW) addresses current-day issues that women face, providing students with online resources including email templates to send to politicians and petitions to sign to demand change. For many, this club has become a safe place to express their opinions and concerns. “I wanted to be a part of this club because I am very passionate about gender equality and I wanted to get others passionate about it as well,” co-president of NOW junior Chloe Guntrip said. To help spread awareness, NOW features influential women from the past and present in their Woman of the Week program and meets frequently to exchange views on political affairs. They welcome all students to their meetings and encourage their members to continue supporting each other. While there is still work to be done, women have proved time and time again that they will not rest until they have created an equitable world. Both the past and present efforts of women around the globe should be recognized and cherished during this month as women continue to look up and shape their own future. “These women and the generations that followed worked to make democracy and opportunity real in the lives of all of us,” Harris said. “And these women inspired us to pick up the torch, and fight on.”
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Crema Cafe conquers COVID-19 crisis ‘Spilling the tea’ on tea By Diego Moreno Staff Writer
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KNEAD-ING SUPPORT: Crema Artisan Bakery perfects its hand-crafted baked goods for its new customers. By Eugenie Chang Staff Writer
The success of small businesses is deeply intertwined with the community, where purchasing from local shops means supporting not only entrepreneurs, but often, families. The pandemic has forced many small businesses to close their doors permanently, making it especially important for consumers to be conscious about where they choose to spend their money. Despite the new obstacles, the pandemic hasn’t stopped this Northwood family from continuing to grow their businesses. Crema Cafe, a restaurant in Seal Beach owned by the family of senior Sran Tanjasiri, was established in 2006. The small business was inspired by cafe culture in Europe, and its appealing storefront with pastel blue walls and outdoor patio dining conjures up images of sipping lattes and eating croissants with friends. As the restaurant gained popularity, it grew into a separate wholesale business, Crema Artisan Bakery, which now specializes in selling baked goods and supplies the cafe with its wide variety of pastries. “The cafe is unique because of its culture,” Crema Cafe owner Tarit Tanjasiri said. “I think we do a really good job with our food and our ambience. It’s achieving what I’ve set out to do with the vision I had, and at the same time, we’re cultivating a com-
pany culture that is welcoming.” Everything from crepes to avocado toast to fresh pastries is available seven days a week for take-out or outdoor dining at Crema Cafe, while the baked goods from their wholesale bakery have also been featured at several weekly pop-ups around Orange County. Many significant changes have been made to both businesses, much of them due to Tanjasiri’s practical perspective regarding the pandemic. “I treat [the pandemic] as a common denominator,” Tanjasiri said. “Everybody is affected by it, but the only difference is how we deal with it. We lost a lot of business but we’ve also gone into selling things at the farmers markets and provided meals to our employees each week so that they are able to sustain their livelihoods without full time work.” By far one of their largest changes included the expansion of their previously wholesale-only bakery to accommodate normal customers as well. It allowed patrons the chance to purchase bakery goods without necessarily having to visit the Crema Cafe location. The Crema Artisan Bakery website went through a redesign at the start of the pandemic, and a Saturday morning delivery system for Orange County was introduced as well, increasing ease of access for their customers. They also began supplying their community with much needed gro-
ceries, expanding to sell essentials like eggs and flour instead of just their typical products. With all of the precautionary measures they are taking and their consideration for the community, both businesses deserve to be supported during this pandemic. I had the opportunity to visit one of their new bakery pop-ups at the OC Baking Company around noon on a Friday. The company was located in a small, unassuming business center, which made parking difficult to find. Crema Artisan Bakery was one of many bakeries featured, and the ordering process was very quick. They had a wide variety of pastries, and I was able to pick out four delectable treats for just $10. The Guava Cheese Danish and Candied Orange Danish were both buttery and flakey, with a rich guava jelly center paired with a lighter, creamy cheese and a sweet cream with tangy candied orange peel respectively. The Cinnamon Pull Apart was bursting with cinnamon flavor and resembled a twist on a classic cinnamon roll. Overall, I definitely got my money’s worth. Despite all the obstacles the pandemic may have created, it is clear that the Tanjasiri family is working hard to find alternatives in order to keep supplying customers with the products they love. “It’s out of passion,” Tarit Tanjasiri said. “That passion drives the hard work and makes it all possible.”
After a long day of work, you decide to make yourself a soothing cup of tea to relax. But to your surprise, you become more energized— which would make sense, given that the cup of green tea is actually the caffeine equivalent of half a cup of coffee. Tea has been around for centuries, having originated in China before spreading across the world. Camellia Sinensis, known as the tea plant, is what the various types of tea like black, green, and oolong originate with the secret to their different flavours lies in cultivation. “I like Korean citron tea,” senior Joonha Yoon said. “But recently I’ve been drinking more pu’er tea which was a souvenir from China.” The tea plant is first harvested by hand, but at different times depending on which type of tea is being made. Green tea comes from ripe tea leaves whereas white tea is made from young sprouts. After harvest, the leaves can be used as is or further processed through oxidation to change the flavor to yellow, oolong or black tea, each achieved through a different oxidizing process: Yellow tea leaves are steamed, oolong leaves are dried in the sun and black tea is blown dry; the longer the process, the stronger the tea flavor. Although convenient, tea bags come at the expense of flavor, as the crushed and dried tea leaves lack the oils that give tea its unique flavors. For a true tea experience, loose leaves are the best way to enjoy the beverage. “I love to make my own looseleaf green tea,” sophomore Anthara Thirupathi said. “It has to have lots of
Trader Joe’s mesquite honey though.” A traditional loose-leaf tea is typically made by heating water to about 160 degrees fahrenheit; heating it any further would lead to damaged and flavorless leaves. Once heated, the tea leaves are added to an infuser and submerged in the water to allow the leaves to release their flavoring. After three minutes have passed, the tea leaves are removed, and the tea is enjoyed. “I can’t live without a cup of iced black tea,” junior Carlene Nhu said. “It gives me the caffeine boost I need.” Although a tradition to serve tea to someone who is upset, it isn’t inherently relaxing due to the caffeine content. Instead the perceived soothing effect comes from the warm nature of the drink. For the people of England however, tea time is a time of relaxation enjoying the beverage with milk and sugar. For a decaffeinated beverage, try herbal teas, which technically aren’t teas. Herbal teas come from a variety of plants that are steeped in hot water, instead of traditional tea that requires the Camellia Sinensis. Dandelion tea, for example, is created by steeping the roots or petals of the dandelion plant in hot water for a few hours. Making the perfect cup of tea can take skills despite it being deceptively simple. Fortunately, Irvine has a variety of popular tea shops such as 7 Leaves, Red Straw or Cherubic Tea. All of these places provide customers with various options on how to prepare their tea, including adding milk, sugar, fruit or boba. The mysteries of tea were vast, but with the knowledge you have now gained from this article you can now go and craft the tea of your dreams.
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Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Adam Bauer: Inspired to compose By Annie Lee Staff Writer
The 16 artists nominated for the 2021 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame were unveiled on Feb. 10 to honor notable artists with a profound impact in the rock music industry. Ranging from the legendary band Foo Fighters to the queen of rock and roll Tina Turner, the nominees this year are diverse. Seven are first-time nominees and nine are people of color. Seven women appear on the 2021 ballot, the most female nominees since the creation of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Foundation. “This remarkable ballot reflects the diversity and depth of the artists and music the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame celebrates,” Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Chairman John Sykes said. “These nominees have left an indelible impact on the sonic landscape of the world and influenced countless artists that have followed them.” While the 2020 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame class was inducted in a virtual ceremony, the 2021 event will be in-person at Cleveland’s Rocket
Morgage FieldHouse on Oct. 30. Cleveland is also the site of the Rock and Roll Hall Museum, which features an array of memorabilia, films on rock and roll’s history and instrument stations where visitors can create freestyle music. For those who are unable to visit the museum in-person, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame provides weekly virtual events to not only teach the power of music through films and online lectures, but also celebrate heritage months: women’s history month being the highlight of March. Even if rock and roll is not a music genre of interest for students, both the museum and the online events are definitely worth checking out. Fans have the opportunity to vote for their top five favorite artists on the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame website until April 20. Artists in the top five selected by the public will receive a “fans’ ballot’” that will count alongside 1,000 ballots from professionals in the music industry. So for hardcore fans of rock and roll, voting is a great opportunity to support the artists you believe are deserving of induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Courtesy of Alan Levine
THE BEAT ROLLS ON: The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame has reopened and is currently offering virtual activities.
Photo provided by Adam Bauer
A MUSICIAN AT HIS NATURAL HABITAT: Junior Adam Bauer gently strokes a harmonious chord on his guitar, which is plugged into an interface that transfers the music to his digital audio workstation. By Arya Bhattacharjee Staff Writer
Even though music is a large part of everyone’s lives, songwriters generally go under the radar when it comes to admiring and analyzing pieces of music. Junior guitarist and musician Adam Bauer takes us behind the scenes on what it takes to write music and the many different steps and roadblocks that songwriters face along the way in order to bring us the music that we all love. The Howler: What inspired you to begin composing music? Adam Bauer: About a year ago, before the pandemic, I played jazz guitar in various honor bands and performed at places like the NAMM show. However, once COVID hit, I was inspired by many singer-songwriters and their music, which led me to start writing music of my own. TH: What goes through your mind when you are trying to come
up with a new song? Do you actively look for inspiration or does it come to you naturally? AB: It almost always comes to me naturally. When I try to force inspiration it doesn’t work. Usually it will happen when I come across a song or album I really like. I’ll analyze the various aspects of the music that I like, and I might try using some of those elements in my own stuff. For example, I saw an Instagram clip of a songwriter named Michael Lemmo playing an original, and I really liked the vibe of the song and I started writing a song with similar aspects but still my own thing. TH: Once you do get your inspiration, what is it like to actually write the entire song? AB: Usually the inspiration will come in phases. Depending on how well the writing goes, it can take a couple weeks or just a couple days. Then, I’ll usually make a beat on my digital audio workstation and hope that it turns out well. Usually a fifth of the songs I make pass this stage
just because it doesn’t turn out how I’d like it to a lot of the time. Finally, I’ll start writing a melody and lyrics, one section at a time. TH: What does it take to go from just playing music to actually being able to write your own songs? AB: I think the most important part is having a clear vision of what you want to sound like with what you write. At the end of the day, I always find the product to be more satisfying than the process, so perseverance is really key. TH: What are some words of advice you would give to people getting into songwriting? AB: I would say the most important thing is being consistent and trying to work on honing the craft every day. You can also do various things to put yourself in a creative mindset before you start practicing. For me I usually go for a jog and listen to music before I practice. That way I have a clearer vision when I’m ready to try writing stuff.
Most promising Golden Globe winning films of all time By Ryan Wu Staff Writer
For more than 75 years, the Golden Globe Awards have rewarded actors, directors, composers and screenwriters for showcasing their talent and translating their vision onto the big screen. As the 78th Golden Globes aired live on Feb. 28, let’s take a look back at some of the more notable moments of the entertainment world in the last decade. “Parasite” Wins Best Foreign Film in 2020: The Golden Globes have a rule that requires movies nominated for the Drama Motion Picture and Musical or Comedy Motion Picture categories to have at least 50% of their dialogue in English. Although “Parasite” couldn’t qualify for Best Picture because of this, it received a nod
in the form of Best Foreign Film on its journey to sweep multiple film award shows such as the Oscars. The film is about the story of the Kims, a poverty-stricken family, who cunningly put themselves at the service of an overly wealthy family, the Parks. “Parasite” gives a compelling critique of capitalism by showing that the lower class scramble for scraps while the rich live a more-than-comfortable life of extravagance. Some say that the title refers to the poor family that infiltrates the home of the rich family and leeches them for their money; others maintain that the rich family’s unwillingness to mop their own floor or drive their own cars makes them the true parasites as they leech off the poor for their labor. Either way, director Bong JoonHo created an insightful social satire that kept the world buzzing. “Once you overcome the one-inch tall
barriers of subtitles, you will be introduced to so many more amazing films,” Bong said in his award acceptance speech. “Moonlight” Wins Best Picture in 2017: “Every performance, every shot choice, every piece of music, every lived-in setting—it’s one of those r a r e movies that j u s t doesn’t take a wrong step and climaxes in a scene not of CGI or twists but of dialogue that is one of the best single scenes in years,” Rogerebert. com editor Brian Tallerico said about this coming-of-age film. “Moonlight,” which won Best Picture at the Oscars in the same year, is about the life of a young black man named Chiron growing up in a crime-ridden neighborhood in Miami. The story is told in three parts, each representing a defining moment in Chiron’s life as he navigates through problems surrounding his dysfunctional family and his sexuality. Most importantly, “Moonlight” is about discovering one’s identity: All three parts have the protagonist undergoing physical
and emotional transformations in response to his inner turmoil and external pressures that control the way he expresses himself to others. Being centered around the black male identity and issues with masculinity, the film offers a masterful take on subjects that never get old. The engaging plot was paired with an exceptional cast, with Mahershala Ali and Naomie Harris both receiving Golden Globe nominations for best supporting actor and supporting actress, respectively.
of the highs and lows of growing up. Ellar Coltrane, who portrayed Mason, the protagonist of “Boyhood” who audiences literally saw grow up in front of their eyes, was only six years old when he was picked to star in the movie and was a year away from legal drinking age when “Boyhood” premiered. In director Richard Linklater’s noble attempt to keep the plot as close to real life as possible, the film shows the kids’ changing interests, their divorced parents’ various relationships and the little intricacies of all of their lives that wouldn’t have otherwise been portrayed as eloquently in the form of multiple movies. The movie’s quick transitions between the years in its three-hour runtime parallel its main message, which is the ephemeral nature of life and one’s ability “Boyhood” Wins Best to accept that fact. Its Picture in 2015: power to capture the “Boyhood” was perblur of growing up haps the most technically makes it one-of-ainnovative of the kind, and there three films on this has yet to list, as the film be another crew filmed the film that same cast for is comover 12 years parable to weave one to “Boyof the most hood” unique dein this Anjana Narasimhan The Northwood Howler pictions regard.
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Book vs film: The “Little Women” of the 1860s and 2010s By Eugenie Chang and Erin Tsai
Staff Writers
A timeless classic inspired by Louisa May Alcott’s own family, “Little Women,” traces the lives of the four March sisters from childhood to adulthood. Early on in the novel, the four sisters befriend their neighbor, Theodore (Laurie) Lawrence, who develops a close relationship with the March sisters and becomes an integral part of their daily lives, making mischief and helping them out of scrapes. Each sister has her own interests and aspirations that she pursues throughout the course of the novel, such as Jo’s passion for writing and Amy’s artistic endeavors. Since its release, the novel has been made into several movies, the most recent a 2019 remake directed by Greta Gerwig. Although the core story remains the same in both, each medium brings its own set of merits, flaws and differing perspectives. Book: “Little Women” has withstood the test of time because of its overarching themes of love and loyalty that readers today identify with. The intimate relationships that make up the March sisters’ story are depicted in many scenes which the 2019 movie modifies in favor of lines that advance its feminist narrative. Aunt March’s passionate declaration against Meg’s marriage to John Brooke due to concerns for her niece’s wellbeing is lost, as is Friedrich Bhaer’s father-like personality. Instead, Bhaer is portrayed as more straightforward, directly criticizing Jo’s writing instead of subtly encouraging her to write stories she is proud of. While some of the characters are
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stagnant, others undergo character arcs, for instance in the case of Amy March. At the beginning of the novel, she is a spoiled 12-year-old who comes across as spiteful, but she matures into one of the most engaging characters. In the novel, after Beth recovers and Amy returns home from Aunt March’s house, she has a sincere talk with her mother about ridding herself of selfishness and wearing a turquoise ring as a reminder of her promise. This brief scene reveals her genuine desire and efforts to improve herself, and it is these details that provide insight into each girl’s personal emotions that are lost in the most recent movie adaptation.
Unfortunately, many of the women in this story seem to look to marriage as their ultimate goal, with even rebellious Jo eventually settling down. While this sentiment is no longer reflected today, where fulfillment can be found outside of married life, it is still reassuring to see that all three women marry out of love and compatibility rather than for materialistic reasons such as wealth or social status. In a love story that the film shortens significantly, Meg falls in love with Brooke and eventually realizes that her love for him is unaffected by his lack of money, emphasizing the theme that marriage should build off true devotion.
Overall, “Little Women” presents an enrapturing story despite some of its outdated concepts. The novel preserves Alcott’s initial vision of portraying the challenges that young women of the period faced with small nuisances that the film fails to capture. Movie: The 2019 movie adaptation of Alcott’s “Little Women” is a comingof-age drama set in the 19th century. As one of the many adaptations of the novel, director and screenwriter Greta Gerwig had no easy job creating a fresh take on this classic. The most innovative aspect of
the film by far is the structure of the timeline, jumping between the past and the present rather than following a straight timeline narrative as the book does. The past timeline comes from the beginning of the original novel, set during the Civil War years in Massachusetts, when the four March sisters and their mother struggle while their father fights in the front lines. The present timeline contains the second half of the novel, where Jo has moved into the city to teach and write, and each March sister has gone her separate way. To differentiate the timelines, Gerwig uses distinct color palettes, filling the past with warm and radiant colors, while the present is pale and colorless. Surprisingly, splitting the story into two separate plots doesn’t detract from the realism or the characters’ emotions. In fact, seeing the backstories of each character as it parallels the present heightens the emotional experience of the viewer. Another aspect that sets this adaptation apart is the humor, which complements the emotional ups and downs of the rest of the movie. Gerwig added in some comedic elements, but also highlighted the humor Alcott included in the text. For example, having Meryl Streep portray the wealthy Aunt March helps viewers understand how old-fashioned it is to believe that women’s only happiness is found in marriage. Like in the novel, Jo marries at the end of the movie. However, Jo is not only a woman in love, but also a fearless author who isn’t afraid to stand up for herself. Gerwig’s take on an outdated ending captures Alcott’s initial spirit and feminist ideals, inspiring a new generation to pursue their own aspirations, just like these four little women.
CA honor ensembles
selves playing their respective pieces for feedback from professional musiStaff Writer cians. “The first rehearsal was slow Northwood instrumental music students performed in the All-State paced because it took a long timeand All-Southern California honor admitting everyone into the call, and groups, held online after a rigorous when we tried to play unmuted, we realized it was unproductive because round of auditions. Rehearsals for All-State were of the latency issues,” Lee said. “The conducted on Jan. 23 and Feb. 13 next rehearsal was much better as through Zoom, with members play- we worked in breakout rooms with ing individually for conductors. Ju- our own section and our conductor nior Allison Lee played in the Sym- moved from room to room to give us phonic Band and sophomore Shani feedback.” After all rehearsals were comLin played in the String Orchestra pleted, students submitted their final among others. One All-Southern rehearsal was performance videos through a virconducted on March 13. Members tual system called My Virtual Arts, from Northwood included but were where the individual videos will be not limited to sophomore Alex Park merged together to create a complete in the Wind Ensemble and sopho- ensemble. By playing along with a more Chris Song in the Symphony specific click track that gave a clear Orchestra. Since All-State auditions and consistent tempo, students were have always been held online, only able to play in-time together despite All-Southern auditions were changed the virtual boundary. The final recordings for each to ensure the safety of students. “The audition process for All- ensemble will be available in a few Southern was drastically different months once My Virtual Arts compiles the videos. from previous years because we sub“By participatmitted everything virtually instead ing in the All-Southof playing at a set venue,” Park said. ern honor group, I “However, this change also gave me hope to learn more as many chances as I needed to sucabout playing at ceed with my audition since I could a higher level select which recordings to submit, of musicianreflecting my full potential as a ship,” Park musician.” said. “Of During the rehearscourse, I als, some students also want played into have a dividulot of fun ally for the making conductor music with and received feedback on their other talentrhythm, intonation and dynamed musicians ics. However, others submitted as well.” videos via Flipgrid of them- Photo provided by Alex Park By Jonathan Kang
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VIEWPOINT 11 The intersection of Robinhood, Reddit and Wall Street The Northwood Howler
By Helena Zhou Staff Writer
In an Occupy Wall Street-esque movement against financial institutions, the Reddit forum r/WallStreetBets pushed GameStop shares to the moon with a crowd-sourced short squeeze, reaching an all-time high of $483.00 (from its low of $2.57 nine months earlier in April 2020) on Jan. 28. On the same day, Robinhood, a trading app self-proclaimed to be “for the people,” froze trades for GameStop, AMC and Nokia, only allowing the selling of those shares and conveniently preventing further losses for the short-selling hedge funds. The concept of short selling is simple. Short sellers predict stock prices will drop, so they borrow shares, sell them and hope to later buy the shares back at a lower price, profiting from the difference. If the stock price rises, short sellers are forced to close out their position (buy back the stock at a greater price than they sold it for). Thus, a short squeeze is a rapid jump in a stock’s price, which forces a large number of short sellers to close their position, driving the price up even more. Last month, GameStop was one of the most shorted of all publicly traded companies along with AMC Theatres, Bed Bath & Beyond and Blockbuster. The circulation of this public information on Reddit began the steady rise of GameStop share prices early in 2020 when r/WallStreetBets posts explained why the stock was undervalued. More posts discussing the possibility of a profitable short squeeze quickly amassed into a week-long rally of retail investors against hedge funds that shorted GameStop, specifically Melvin Capital and Citron Research, which received record losses of nearly $5 billion dollars in 2021. “We don’t have billionaires to bail us out when we mess up our portfolio risk and a position goes against us,” Reddit user RADIO02118 said in an r/WallStreetBets post titled “An open letter to CNBC.” “We can’t go
March 19, 2021
on TV and make attempts to manipulate millions to take our side of the trade. If we mess up as bad as they did, we’re wiped out.” Much of this investing was done on Robinhood, an investing app that once prided itself on offering free trades with a goal to democratize America’s financial system. However, in the midst of the GameStop frenzy, the corporation froze trades, citing “market volatility” as its reason for ending the short squeeze momentum. Consequently, Robinhood received immense backlash, class action lawsuits and a storm of one-star ratings on the Apple and Play Stores (though Apple and Google both deleted thousands of negative reviews), and many political figures on both aisles united to urge an investigation of Robinhood by Congress, including Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY), Donald Trump Jr., Rep. Ro Khanna (D-CA) and Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX). The controversy centers around the true motives behind the freeze: Whether it was protecting retail investors for when the bubble would eventually burst, protecting the hedge funds who were still able to freely trade the stock or protecting Robinhood itself from the uncontrollable volume of trade. Robinhood CEO Vladimir Tenev explained the restrictions were due to insufficient capital to support the high volume of trading, which actually appears to be a legitimate explanation as other brokerage companies like Webull and Interactive Brokers responded similarly. However, regardless of the reason, their actions safeguarded the firm and hedge funds while harming their users. This event has also shed light on a clear conflict of interest in Robinhood’s business model. The app’s revenue relies on selling users’ trades to market-making firms, revealing the hidden prices beneath Robinhood’s seemingly free platform. After all, Robinhood works closely with powerful players on Wall Street and in Washington. Rob-
Sondos Elbershawi The Northwood Howler
TO THE MOON: GameStop shares soared over 1,600% at the height of the trading frenzy. inhood spent $275,000 lobbying the federal government last year in the revolving door between Wall Street regulators and Congress. Meanwhile, to compensate for commission-free trades, Robinhood sells real-time information about which stocks users are buying and selling to large investment firms. This arrangement is known as payment for order flow, where brokers (Robinhood) profit by routing trades to market makers (Citadel Securities). Taking payments for order flow from Wall Street firms is controversial but legal and done by most electronic brokers. A larger problem at hand is Robinhood’s historic lack of transparency. Last December, the Securities and Exchange Commision (SEC) charged Robinhood with deceiving customers about how it makes money and
falsely promising the best execution of trades. “The order finds that Robinhood provided inferior trade prices that in aggregate deprived customers of $34.1 million even after taking into account the savings from not paying a commission,” the SEC said in a press release. Without admitting or denying the SEC’s findings, Robinhood agreed to pay a $65 million civil penalty. Robinhood has run into legal issues once again, as its leaders were called to testify to the House Financial Services Committee along with Melvin Capital, Reddit and Citadel on Feb. 18, where accusations of market manipulation were denied and pressing questions were evaded. One particular exchange set the tone for the rest of the hearing.
“You admitted to making mistakes. Specifically what mistakes did you make?” Rep. Madeleine Dean (D-PA) said. “I admit to always improving. And certainly ... we’re not going to be perfect,” Tenev responded. Moving forward, there will likely be two more hearings related to the GameStop incident, and regulatory changes to financial institutions remain indefinite. “For years, the same hedge funds, private equity firms and wealthy investors dismayed by the GameStop trades have treated the stock market like their own personal casino while everyone else pays the price,” Sen. Elizabeth Warren (DMA) said. “It’s long past time for the SEC and other financial regulators to wake up and do their jobs.”
The Gavin Newsom recall election is likely, but is it needed? By Annie Lee Staff Writer
With significantly dropped approval rates mostly due to his inadequate COVID-19 response, California Democratic Gov. Gavin Newsom faces the possibility of recall before the end of his term. Although this frustration towards Newsom is understandable, a recall election reflects partisan interests, not those of all Californians; it will be needlessly costly and ultimately hamstring California’s pandemic recovery. Newsom’s approval ratings were over 60% last year, but recent polls indicate a drop to 46% due to immense disapproval towards his handling of the pandemic. The start of his decline in popularity can be attributed to when Newsom dined with over 12 people from different households in an indoors restaurant patio without masks during November of last year, hypocritically flouting his own COVID-19 safety protocols. Additionally, Newsom’s delaying of school reopenings have frustrated parents and students who find online learning to be ineffective. Finally, the governor has also scrambled to deliver a competent vaccine roll out, resulting in instances where doses to teachers and those at high risk with underlying health conditions were delayed. While Newsom should absolutely be held accountable for his
Courtesy of Gage Skidmore
THE C ALL FOR REPL ACEMEN T: California Democratic G ov. Gav in Newsom faces a potential recall election after receiv ing backlash for his response to the COV ID -19 pandemic . missteps and failures during the pandemic, hosting a recall election would be too costly to be worthwhile. Recalls are expensive; the 2003 California recall of Gov. Gray Davis cost around 25 million and estimates for this potential recall are about 100
million. Wasting money on this effort will only further the economic slump as California struggles to stimulate the floundering economy in the wake of the pandemic. Furthermore, the recall campaign is dominated by extreme
rightists who have been unsuccessfully trying to recall Newsom since his inauguration in 2019. While the pandemic response has given some unsatisfied Democrats reason to join the recall effort, major donors are far-rightists, either wealthy business-
men or politicians. Unsurprisingly, the California Republican Party and the Republican National Committee funded a total of $375,000 to financially aid the recall. “The facade is gone. It’s never been more clear — they’re admitting that the Republican recall scheme is simple partisan politics,” said Dan Newman, Newsom’s campaign manager. “Republicans have lost every single state election for 15 years, so they’re trying increasingly desperate, distracting and destructive things.” A politically motivated recall will likely result in a chaotic special election, filled with unqualified candidates. Following the 2003 recall, a total of 135 candidates entered the election, many of whom weren’t previously involved in the political field and sought either personal or political gain. The winner of the recall, former Republican Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, won with just 48.6% of the votes. Newsom is up for re-election in 2022. Rather than spend millions on a recall, voters who have been unimpressed or disappointed with his leadership can vote for someone new then. Replacing Newsom during a national crisis and a polarized election environment is just asking for more turmoil and chaos when we should be focused on recovery. Besides, what’s the guarantee that a replacement would do a better job?
VIEWPOINT Politics in the United States: The false promise for unity
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March 19, 2021
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Anjana Narasimhan The Northwood Howler
By Hari Sreeramagiri Staff Writer
One of the things I hate about preschool is all the lies they tell you. All the false promises they make in hopes of lifting your spirits. “Anything is possible within these bright, tacky walls, whether it’s battling magic dragons or taking long afternoon naps!” And then you’re thrown into the real world where you realize it’s all a lie. Dragons are figments of imagination. And afternoon napping at work will get you fired in the blink of an eye. The promise of unity is no different: It’s as unattainable as unrequited love. We pine for it our entire lives, waiting for it to sweep us off our feet but it remains beyond reach,
teasing us with knowing glances and tastes of what it might be like to finally attain it. “Unity” is a word politicians throw around during their campaign speeches for dramatic effect. They pull us into their fantasy, coerce us into checking the box next to their name and then forget about the promises they made, over and over again, until the lines between reality and storybooks are blurred. But what they never tell you in those storybooks is that none of it is real. There are no Cinderellas nor knights in shining armor that will return your slipper to you. There are only power-hungry people with dollar bills in their eyes that will turn you into a political slogan for their own benefit.
The turmoil that followed the 2020 presidential election is the perfect example. Politicians like former President Donald Trump know exactly what their words can do, but they throw them around anyway. So when he tweeted that the polls were inaccurate following President Joe Biden’s win, people believed him. When he incited his supporters to “fight like hell,” people believed him. People believed him, and they marched to the capital in an attempt to overturn his defeat, killing five people and injuring more than 140 in the process. But this criticism isn’t only reserved for the right. According to a poll by the Pew Research Center, nearly three-quarters of Americans say that elected officials should refrain from using heated language at
the risk of instigating violence, while 85% agree that the political atmosphere has become more toxic. This is further corroborated by the unfortunate passing of prominent political figures such as Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg and talk radio host Rush Limbaugh, which created an atmosphere in which both sides ghoulishly celebrated death. Regardless of political affiliation, the loss of a life is distressing for a grieving family and to celebrate in the wake of their pain to convey a political message is another reason why unity is beyond our reach. What is most concerning about the political atmosphere in the United States is that most politicians don’t have a genuine passion for social service. Selflessness is one of the most
obvious prerequisites to unity, and yet most politicians are self-serving, manipulative and could care less about the poor. Why? The poor don’t win the elections. According to Nicole Mason, executive director of the Center for Research and Policy in the Public Interest, politicians focus on who can help them the most in terms of population and money. The middle class has a stronger voting block, and therefore gets most of the attention. At a rally in Iowa in late June 2020, Trump responded to a query about his rich cabinet by saying “I just don’t want a poor person” running the economy. Meanwhile, transcripts of former First Lady Hillary Clinton and Trump’s presidential debates show that the middle class was mentioned thirteen times while poverty was mentioned thrice. During his presidency, Barack Obama spoke the least about poverty than the past 10 presidents, while Mitt Romney stated that he “was not concerned about the poor.” Politicians such as Bernie Sanders that actively discuss the issue of poverty have been accused of being “single-issue” candidates. “We must learn to live together as brothers and sisters and perish together as fools.” When Martin Luther King, Jr. delivered this statement with confidence more than 57 years ago, it inspired hope. Reading this now, fear and uncertainty overpower any semblance of optimism it provokes. Unity might not exist in my current dictionary, but I cannot help but dream of a better world—a world in which we tell preschoolers that “anything is possible” and genuinely mean it.
Increasing federal minimum wage is not the right answer By Matthew Dimaandal Staff Writer
President Joe Biden proposed raising the federal minimum wage from $7.25 to $15 through a series of bills in both the House and the Senate, causing members of Congress to be locked in a fierce debate. Bills like the American Rescue Plan, which aims to provide a stimulus relief package and help the vaccination effort, were tagging along a federal minimum wage increase in an already controversial bill. The Senate Parliamentarian ruled against the addition of the increase in the federal minimum wage on Feb. 25, and it may be more beneficial than it seems. While the intended purpose of the increase of the federal minimum wage is to help Americans through a troubling time, the increase may hurt students more than it helps. The federal minimum wage started with the Fair Labor Standards Act in 1938, establishing a wage of 25 cents per hour in an effort to protect workers against unfair business practices and to ensure the well-being of employees. Ever since then, it has been increasing until July 24, 2009 when it reached $7.25. While there hasn’t been a federal increase since then, states have taken up their own efforts to increase the minimum wage in their own state. Currently there are 21 states, including California, that have their state minimum wage higher than the federal minimum wage, based on either the cost of living within the state or legislation passed in state governments. However, states that have increased their wages shed insight on how a substantial increase in the minimum wage can harm students. If the federal minimum wage were to increase, it would result in fewer jobs for students. The U.S. Bu-
reau of Labor Statistics found in 2018 that almost half of minimum wage workers tend to be younger than 25 years old. As the majority of high school and college students fit this age range, a minimum wage increase would affect students the most. According to a 2019 report by the Congressional Budget Office, a nonpartisan analysis for Congress, “for most low-wage workers, earnings and family income would increase, which would lift some families out of poverty. But other low-wage workers would become jobless, and their family income would fall—in some cases, below the poverty threshold.” As the COVID-19 pandemic continues, jobs are becoming more difficult to get due to the hardships businesses face. The increase in the minimum wage may potentially lead to even more jobs being lost due to businesses unable to pay their workers. If the minimum wage were to increase, prices would become more inflated in stores. In order for these stores to stay competitive, they would have to raise prices and may resort to laying off their employees to stay afloat. This will directly affect students as these inflated prices would affect businesses that pay employees a minimum wage such as grocery stores, retail and fast food workers. Raising the federal minimum wage can even affect the cost of housing for students. In an article by Atsushi Yamagishi about the 2007 minimum wage law in Japan, he found that “in the low-quality rental housing market, 10% minimum wage increase induces 2.5%-4.5% increase in rents. It implies that workers benefit from the minimum wage increases, but it also unintentionally benefits homeowners.” A majority of public university students live off-campus, either in a house or apartment outside of the university. According to the
Courtesy of Paul Sableman
CONTROVERSIAL: Biden’s legislative agenda has sparked a heated debate over minimum wage. National Low Income Housing Coalition, students would need to earn a salary of $26.65 in California in order to afford a two-bedroom apartment. Although realistically students would not live alone in a two bedroom apartment and would usually live in cramped small apartments with multiple people, the cost for these apartments would still rise due to the minimum wage increasing. Students would usually rent out apartments and would be under the control of landlords of how much they would have to pay towards rent. If the fed-
eral minimum wage were to increase, it would cause students having to pay more for housing. This would directly affect a student’s budget on the necessities they need to buy like food, tuition and other necessities in order to compensate for a higher housing rent. For students to balance between paying for housing and other necessities, it would lead to students struggling to pay rent in order to afford other essentials. Raising the federal minimum wage does have its benefits such as increasing student salaries so that
they can pay for housing, food and other necessities. However, it can lead to prices for necessities to increase which can make life harder for students. Keep in mind both the pros and cons of what leaders are supporting in Congress. While many students will be able to vote for the first time in their life in the near future, it is important to keep in mind how bills like raising the minimum wage can have an affect on students. Raising the minimum wage could potentially put a student’s education, job and families at risk.
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SPORTS Twist and turn: Interviewing superstar gymnast Katie Blam 14
March 19, 2021
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By William Baik Staff Writer
Choosing balance beams over tracks and basketball hoops, gymnast and senior Katie Blam spent her high school years going to gyms over the school field. Blam has competed at the highest levels of gymnastics, winning a gold medal for the balance beam event as a member of the 2019 Team USA at the Pan American Maccabi Games. Her days as a competing gymnast might have come to a close due to injuries, but she continues to be involved with the sport by coaching aspiring gymnasts. The Howler: How did you get started in gymnastics and what has kept you competing? Katie Blam: The first time I was dragged to a gym class, I screamed and cried so much the instructor told my parents that I was not ready for this. I came back eventually and found it fun that time, starting “real” gymnastics classes at age 7 and competing when I was 11. I loved the power and focus that came with the intensity of competition and found a certain satisfaction from completing a routine regardless of whether or not I hit every skill or fell on my butt. The excitement and enjoyment I found in competing kept me looking forward to training sessions, and it was so much fun to cheer on my teammates and watch each other progress year after year. TH: How did you manage to balance time between school and sports? KB: I trained 22 hours a week, practically every week of the year. My parents would insist on taking
Photos provided by Katie Blam
DEFYING GRAVITY: Senior Katie Blam prepares and performs her individual bar routine at the USA international competition. time out for family trips and vacations, but I had to make the decision to pass on things because I had to practice. I got really good at doing homework and eating meals in the car on the way to and from practice. TH: What do people overestimate or underestimate about gymnastics? KB: Gymnasts are continuously refining and upgrading our skills. Regardless of a skill’s difficulty, we are always looking to add another half twist or another turn. Something that I have noticed and might be surprising to many people is that gymnasts are klutzy. We hang on to the bars by our fingertips and grip the balance
beam with our toes, but we have trouble walking down the street without tripping over ourselves. TH: What’s something you would tell people who are on the fence about trying gymnastics? KB: Most people hesitate because they think that flipping and twisting in the air is scary. The question whether you are willing to push through your fears and to work towards your goals one excruciatingly small step at a time. And more importantly, will you have fun doing it? If the answer is yes, go for it! TH: What are your thoughts on promoting gymnastics to a broader
audience through public schooling? KB: Unfortunately, gymnastics is one of those sports where you have to start relatively young. Getting to a highly competitive level involves skills and tricks that take years of training to acquire that often come with risks and injuries, making it a liability issue. Also, in order to support the more difficult skills, the equipment has is complex, expensive and not portable, so gym space and funding are also problematic for schools. Interestingly, around the time they start high school, many gymnasts move to sports that are offered at school in order to feel connected to their school’s athletics programs. Luckily, their intense training back-
ground makes gymnasts coachable and leads to a smooth adjustment. TH: Anything that you learned from competing that you really value? KB: I think the most important skill I learned was how to get back up again after falling. I know that I have fallen more times than not in practice. It is a frustrating process, but I learned that you should remain dedicated and not give up, you will eventually accomplish what you set out to do. The ability to finish a routine solidly and execute the remainder of the skills after making a mistake can be applied to so many aspects of life, and I’m grateful for that lesson.
Girls Beach Volleyball joins CIF scene Wish together, swish together By Hari Sreeramagiri Staff Writer
Joy Kim The Northwood Howler
PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT: Senior Stephanie Chen practices her volleyball fundamentals. By Rachel Yokota Staff Writer
The California Interscholastic Federation (CIF) Federated Council voted unanimously for girls’ beach volleyball to become a CIF sanctioned sport on Feb. 5. It will be played in highschools as a CIF sport beginning the spring of 2021-22. Northwood Athletic Director Brandon Emery said that it is possible for Northwood to form a team in the future. “We obviously would need to secure facilities and have some logistics to figure out, but if we gain enough interest in the sport, we would look to start fielding a team, just like any other CIF recognized sport,” Emery said. After beach volleyball’s popularity surged in San Diego high schools, players and coaches have consistently pitched beach volleyball as an official CIF sport ever since. Now, the beach volleyball community is looking forward to seeing the
sport expand to new heights. “As a former volleyball player and coach, I am extremely excited to see the momentum that beach volleyball has gained in the last few years,” Emery said. “With CIF recognizing beach volleyball, the sport will hopefully continue to grow and increase its visibility on a local and national level.” According to the Outdoor Industry Association, beach volleyball participation increased by 1.4 million people between 2007 and 2012. The sport has also been recognized by the U.S. Olympic Committee and now has 83 U.S. colleges supporting beach volleyball programs. Currently, 1,300 girls are participating in club beach volleyball in 100 schools registered in CIF. However, it was a long journey to get the sport sanctioned: The initial proposal to sanction beach volleyball was rejected in 2014. Five years later, it was brought up again by the CIF San Diego Section. While it passed the first stage in 2019, it took over a
year to be approved by the five councils that were required to be officially accepted. The major arguments for sanctioning girls’ beach volleyball was the constructive opportunities it would provide and the reasonable costs of the game. Girls would have more options when considering athletics and would be able to grow and improve their skills in a unique environment. The sport also does not demand expensive equipment and leasable sand court facilities are becoming common. “I think it’s crazy that it’s taken this long,” Junior Varsity volleyball player sophomore Lindsey Kung said. “As a sport that’s gaining popularity, I feel like it should’ve been approved sooner.” While beach volleyball is taking strides in the girls’ section, the boys’ section is stagnant. CIF Southern Section Council President Micheal West confirmed that there are currently no intentions to sanction boys’ beach volleyball.
Whether it’s excruciating early morning practices or hearing the crowd erupt in cheers during a game’s closing seconds, one thing’s for sure: Boys Basketball would be nothing without the guidance of its head coach. Following the deeply saddening loss of former Boys Varsity Basketball Head Coach Tim O’Brien, finding a replacement that would live up to his legacy was difficult to say the least. But after hearing what the players had to say about their new head coach, Zack Johnson, the future of Northwood basketball looks as bright as ever. There are no questions about his qualifications. From playing Division I college basketball to participating in the coveted pro-am The Drew League, Coach Johnson offers a truckload of experience and expertise for players to learn the fundamentals of basketball, no matter the skill level. And according to them, practices are just what they prefer: a perfect blend of competitive, light-hearted and educational spirit all at the same time. An environment focused on building relationships with teammates, Johnson focuses on using basketball as a vehicle for success both on and off the hardwood. “He prioritizes a playing style that creates opportunities for players to make their own decisions,” Varsity Basketball player junior Oswald Lai said. “It’s not predetermined and he doesn’t dictate exactly what players are supposed to do.” Despite Johnson’s impeccable guidance, leading a team comes with ups and downs. The stresses of COVID-19 persist, making it difficult to come into close proximity with others, let alone participate in a contact
sport like basketball. Additionally, the season was held in constant limbo for the majority of the 2020-2021 season. With evolving changes in the pandemic, Johnson was constantly forced to adapt to the circumstances. Having to find ways to keep energy levels high with the barrier of distance learning, keep practices safe and productive at the same time, and adjust to unforeseen circumstances are among a few of the obstacles the team had to overcome. Johnson has helped students navigate these times with ease. From temperature checks at the beginning of practice to creating safe competition-based drills, he hasn’t missed a step in preparing basketball for the season. “We’ve gone through a lot of changes this year, and he’s there for us 24/7 whether the problem is basketball or non-basketball related,” Varsity Basketball player junior Luke Garcia said. “I’ve never met someone so focused and devoted to a team, and his high energy and enthusiasm feeds into our own and motivates us to be better than the day before.” Regardless of the players he is coaching and circumstances at hand, Johnson has successfully incorporated his ideas into the team’s playstyle by preserving a spirited and unified environment, which is a staple in any team sport. The next-man-up mentality is what the team prides itself on. The mentality has especially served the team well in the year of shortened seasons and player absences. “Coach Johnson assisted Coach O’Brien last year, so he’s continuing the principles that Coach O’Brien instilled in us,” Garcia said. “He’s made it his mission to make us into the best players we can be, and we hope to make that dream come true this season.”
SPORTS 15 Sports kick off the shortened season One move to the checkmate The Northwood Howler
March 19, 2021
By Kevin Sohn Staff Writer
Photo provided by ocsportszone.com
FOR THE WIN: Senior Cameron An shoots a long-distance shot to extend the score margin. By William Baik Staff Writer
Varsity Boys Water Polo and Varsity Football dominated in their first games of the season on March 12 and March 13, respectively, against local rivals Portola and Woodbridge. Northwood started off slow in the water polo game but eventually settled in, culminating in a 14-7 victory behind senior Cameron An’s stellar performance. “We’ve been practing for this moment since the beginning of the school year,” An said. “It was great to finally play competitive water polo again.” As for the football game, it was played under unusual rules and minimal contact to adhere to guidelines set by CIF. Northwood’s offensive unit was aggressive early, scoring a touchdown in the first two minutes of the game, while the stalwart defense
remained consistent in shutting down Woodbridge’s drives. “It was a weird game to start the season off,” Varsity Football player senior Rayan Garzan said. “It was basically a scrimmage, so we couldn’t really run all the plays we normally would have while also having minimal contact.” The once-doubtful high school sports season was permitted once Orange County’s COVID-19 case-perweek count fell under 14 per 100,000 residents. The loosened guidelines came from Governor Gavin Newsom’s proposition on Feb. 19, surprising players and coaches who assumed the season was unlikely to start. “Most of us had already moved on to other sports—including me—so I’m happy we ultimately got to play,” Garzan said. “Especially as a senior, I’m just excited to be on the field again and helping out my teammates
any way I can.” Fan attendance still remains limited to a maximum of two attendees per player. The football games are streamed on iusd.tv for others to spectate. Technical shortcomings included no audio or a visible scoreboard, but the stream experienced minimal buffering and clear video quality. With restrictions slowly being lifted, home fans can expect to watch live games in the near future, assuming they complete the NHS symptom screener form. Both varsity teams delivered great performances in their first of many games. Minimized fan attendance and an abnormal style of play was a strange way to kick the season off, but the teams looks ready to continue their season strong. Water polo faces off against Beckman High School, while football meets Irvine High School so be sure to support them from home on March 19.
While many sports are just starting to get back to normal with pandemic restrictions slowly lifting, one club has been operating as usual throughout quarantine: the NHS chess club. In fact, the club is thriving, as they held their very first organized tournament this month. In a rather casual tournament, a Discord server was used to communicate with the participants and Google Sheets was used to track tournament seeding. To compensate for the varying skill levels, board members also set up a “second-chance” bracket for those who lost out in the championship one. Overall, the goal was for club members to have fun while also experiencing a competitive environment. “Of course, there’s pressure just because games determine whether you move on in the tournament,” junior Elton Manchester said. “However, everyone is friendly, and pretty often people would show up to support each other during the matches.” Leading up to this tournament, members would routinely play games with individuals around the world on the free website Chess.com, which both served as good practice and also a potential way to improve their international rating. Every few games, the members would share each other’s scores and think of tactics to improve their performance. Because Chess.com also allows for players to see live streams of the top international players, the club would also occasionally get together to watch and talk about their favorite moves. However, that preparation, though informal, would prove to be
very valuable. The environment provided a health dose of competition and comradery among the people. Despite the friendly undertone, this tournament was not to be taken lightly. Each round was a best-of-three between two players in the rapid, blitz and bullet formats. Rapid matches would last around 10 minutes, blitz three minutes and bullet one minute. “If they panic or not depends a lot on how experienced the player is,” club treasurer junior Adam Godina said. “Blitz and bullet are the main formats online because most people don’t want to spend too much time for one game, but for newer players, it would definitely be a lot more stressful.” As such, being able to participate in an actual tournament was a valuable growing experience for many of the members. Incredibly, 99% of the five million games played everyday on Chess.com are either rapid or blitz format, so for the newer players, this may be the beginning of a hard journey. But, of course, the $100 prize pool for the tournament certainly isn’t a bad way to start either. “Moving forward, we’re thinking of a bigger tournament where we can get the participation of chess club members from other high schools in Irvine,” Kim said. The chess club has already begun on this endeavor of connecting to other high schools, with tentative plans of participating in an Chess. com tournament hosted by the University High School chess club on March 20th. The hope is to create a strong community of chess enthusiasts in Irvine despite the hardships of COVID-19. “We created a tournament just for fun, but we’re not just going to stop there,” Kim said.
The sprawl for the new bat and ball: Cricket captures Irvine hearts By Arya Bhattacharjee Staff Writer
Almost every high school in Irvine sees participation in all major sports, whether it be in a club or on a competitive high school team. Yet, some sports seem to go under the radar, and not just niche and obscure sports. Cricket, while extremely popular in the Eastern Hemisphere, has never garnered much attention in America. For that matter, the Irvine Cricket Club (ICC) spearheads the introduction of a new sport to the already plentiful catalog of Irvine sports. Yet even in light of that, the Irvine Cricket Club (ICC) have been working to bring the sport of cricket to the attention of many Irvine residents, hoping to expand the game through the expansion of leagues, teams and workouts designed to teach the complex game of cricket in simple steps. As of right now, the ICC is the only major club in the county that plays cricket competitively, with a few smaller clubs such as the Orange County Cricket Association also allowing for competitive games among casual fans, with little to no stakes, primarily serving as a development league for aspiring players. Players in the ICC compete in the Irvine Cricket League (ICL) which also hosts the Irvine Cricket Mini League, an entry-level league for students. The ICL hosts miniature skill camps for people to develop their skills, helping them eventually progress to making an ICC’s team 11 man roster. However, even though the ICL is open to all Irvine residents, a majority of the players are generally those of foreign descent, where the game has taken off for the greater part of three centuries. “Being able to tell people that
Richelle Gunawan The Northwood Howler
I play a ‘foreign’ sport is interesting because of the mixed opinions you can receive,” junior Kanishk Hari said. “Americans like to think of cricket as the Indian counterpart to baseball, even though the sport was founded by the British.” Cricket is similar in concept to baseball, where a batter uses a bat to
hit a ball thrown by a bowler, synonymous to a pitcher, as far as possible. In fact, baseball was originally developed in America as a method to further separate from the British, the founders of cricket. However, the rules of the two games could not be more different. In cricket, the batter stands in front of a set of wickets,
which the pitcher is supposed to hit with the ball. Unlike baseball, the ball is supposed to hit the ground once after it is pitched before the batter can hit it, allowing for unique techniques such as reverse spins. The game then rotates between two phases, with each team switching between attacking and defending. The attack-
ing team works on getting as many runs as possible, and the team with the most runs at the end of the match wins. At the end of international tournaments, the most coveted circuit of teams in cricket, teams are ranked on a mathematical formula that takes the total score divided by the total matches played. The total score is a ratio of a team’s runs to a team’s wickets lost. The top team is crowned the winner of the tournament. “As a bowler, the numerous ways you can get a batter out is immensely enjoyable, since there are many techniques to do so,” Hari said. “I personally like to get the batsman out by strategically hitting the stumps of the wickets.” The lack of cricket in America may come as a surprise to some, as cricket is a world-wide sport with 2.5 billion fans across the globe, compared to baseball’s relatively smaller 500 million fans. This is mostly due to historical issues surrounding the sport, going all the way back to the Civil War and its replacement sport, baseball. An army was much more likely to quickly organize a baseball game on any patch of ground, in comparison to cricket, which demands a clear patch of grass to avoid any advantage on the attacking or defending side. Additionally, cricket test series, cricket’s annual major tournament event, is played for three to five days straight with at least six hours of cricket per day. This slow-paced action caused many Americans to lose interest in the sport, as they sided towards the relatively fast-paced action of baseball. Currently, while cricket in the United States is slowly beginning to rise again as a dominant sport played by millions, due to the overwhelming immigrant participation, it is still dwarfed compared to other nations
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March 19, 2021
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The Northwood Howler
Shambolic Shenanigans
March 19, 2021
17
(AP) Testing pushes the limits Finding your pot of gold this St. Patrick’s Day By Lana Hwang
Staff Writer
Nearly all AP tests have been postponed and moved online for Northwood students, but the foreign language and music theory tests will continue to be held in-person due to the College Board’s zealous affinity for the tradition of gathering in a large group to listen to music, sing and religiously chant in mumbo jumbo around a bottomless pit of anxiety and despair. Fortunately, due to the ill alignment of Jupiter with Saturn’s moons, the AP Music Theory tests contain a listening section that was unable to be formatted for online use. A hex created by the Sign Language witch compounded this issue by mutating all AP video recordings into ASL, preventing any other foreign language listening section from taking place online. “It’s just impossible for students to listen to an audio recording at home. It is only possible in-person,” College Board representative Node Bate said. When asked to elaborate, Bate said “Mmm, no.” Research from the Cube Earthers Society has found that singing in B flat minor is a key factor in improving people’s moods; allowing students to test in person will ensure them a higher score on the test, improve their mental state of being and give them the power of telekinesis to steal test answers while simultaneously providing relaxing background study music to aid their concentration on exams. Compelling evidence has also been found that listening to conversations in Spanish will improve the sense of community among the test-takers. The experience of conversing in a shared language can only bring people together, and the College Board hopes that it serves as an integral first step to creating a borderless world where all cultures thrive.
The College Board acknowledged that, as a result of the online learning environment that had been affecting students throughout the whole year, there may have not been enough opportunities to fully prepare students for the exams as they once were two years ago. To make up for this, they have resolved to put up posters with cats hanging on a tree, titled “Hang in There” in all testing centers, which will undoubtedly make for all the information that students have missed throughout the turbulent year. In addition, they are sending out personalized mass emails to all students providing them words of encouragement and sympathy in these difficult times. To make their message clear, these emails are required to have the slogan “In these trying times, College Board is by your side. Literally and figuratively.” Despite the sound planning of College Board, health concerns have arisen as a result of these in-person tests. Despite medical professionals like Dr. Phil urging people to stay home, College Board, backed by Web M.D., maintains that the act of numerous students speaking and singing in a shared, enclosed space during a global pandemic poses little to no risk to public safety. “It’s extremely important for students to go out of the house for social development reasons,” Bate said. “Nothing could be better for their development and mental health than going into an anxiety-inducing, emotionally taxing environment. Plus, there’s no better time to socialize than during a test.” To help students understand any course material not covered due to differing school models across the country, College Board plans to hold several AP review sessions as the exams draw nearer. Naturally, the sessions will be held in-person to model the testing environment as accurately as possible.
By Kevin Sohn
Staff Writer
With the craze of GameStop last month dominating Reddit servers and national news networks alike, there’s a higher amount of interest in the stock market than ever before. However, when trying to learn about investing in the stock market, often what people neglect is learning about soft skills and the traits of an investor outside of simply investing. As such, it’s our professional duty as well as our moral obligation to explain some of the best techniques for upcoming investors to find their pot of gold in this unpredictable St. Patrick’s Day economy. Learning the art of patience. Playing for the long game is one of the best ways to turn a profit in a chaotic market, but to do so, you need the patience of an Irish bartender during St. Patrick’s Day. As a character building exercise, it’s absolutely essential that you wear green clothes, go out into public and pretend to be a tree for at least three days. The sheer willpower that you build up from this experience will guarantee nothing but success in your investment career. As a bonus after making your fortune, you can prove to the world that money does, in fact, grow on trees. Live with the mentality of connectivity. The hallmark of any true investor is how many business and personal connections they have. To build your own connections, make sure to approach strangers with a wink, a lip bite and a “Hey baby” before giving them your phone number and Instagram handle. For extra
points, show off your fake Gucci The most fortunate have encountered belt and Rolex watch by contorting double rainbows, giving them far your body so that they have simply more wealth, and more importantly, a no choice but to notice them. It’s ab- fantastic iPhone lock screen. Beware solutely imperative that you do this of Lucky the Leprechaun, before they even get the chance however, as he may to say hello or tell you their try to fill your pot name, and only by doing with Lucky Charms so will you be able to be(arguably just as friend them and broaden valuable) and your social network. take the gold Make your own for himself. luck. It isn’t enough to In the unfordo some market tunate event research and that you arhope for the en’t able to best. To relocate your ally succeed, fortune, The you must go Howler is the extra mile not responsiand manipulate ble for replacyour luck so that the ing worn out odds ARE ever in your fa- windshield wipers. vor. Begin by training inLook into the mirror, say tensely to become a pro- bloody Mary three times and light fessional archer. Once a candle. Any successful investor you achieve the skill of must have a healthy amount of sathe fabled Robin Hood tanic backing in order to conjure up himself, you won’t have enough of a profit. As such, demonic any problems shooting rituals are the perfect way to boost bullseyes on his website. your career. If you’re feeling a little If you’re short on time, break into unconfident, you can always start Universal Studios and sneak off by using a Ouija board or anout with some liquid cient Aztec songs, both luck from Harry of which are quite Potter World to enbeginner friendly sure you don’t put and can boost a foot wrong in your luck treyour investment mendously. If endeavors. these options C h a s e are too simple a rainbow. for an experiDespite its enced investor meaning like you, test as an idiom, your drawing ANJALI MITTIPALLY The Northwood Howler chasing a rainbow is one of the best skills with a ritual pentagram and use ways to strike it rich while also con- a voodoo doll as a spiritual medium, tributing to the ongoing mission to an advanced technique that is proven discover fluffy unicorns on Earth. to align the dark spirits in your favor. Many successful investors have If you’re skilled enough, you may spent months, if not years of their even have the chance to summon relives chasing rainbows and eventu- nowned Trump University alumnus ally finding a pot of gold at its end. Beelzebub.
Beloved cell phone pockets make their long-awaited return
CHLOE SONG The Northwood Howler
By Erin Tsai
Staff Writer
IUSD announced plans to implement at-home cell phone pockets after students reported a drop in academic performance and mental health over the course of the COVID-19 pandemic. After conducting several surveys about student habits and mental health, IUSD found that most
students were 67% more likely to procrastinate and 293% less likely to socialize with friends in-person after the events of 2020. “We are very concerned about our students,” IUSD superintendent Noaf Ohns said. “Cell phone pockets resulted in a huge increase in student productivity pre-pandemic, so it only stands to reason that installing these in student homes to best serve the well-being of our students.”
Hugely popular from the results of a recent staff survey, the district immediately realized that students would share the same sentiment regarding cell phone pockets. After making slight adjustments to the designs, the district approved a detailed pocket plan that guaranteed a greater level of focus and accelerated academic performance for students. The cell phone pockets were made by luxury fashion house Zuc-
ci, which IUSD hired to design and manufacture. Each cell phone pocket will be custom-made to tailor each individual household’s unique needs for the discounted price of $2,985 per pocket. Personalized features include the student’s initials plated in gold as well as adjustments based on the model and brand of the phone. “We are aware that different IUSD families have different needs, and we are doing our best to provide to everyone’s needs the best we can,” Irvine city family therapist Richie Rich said. “Although families are required to pay for each pocket they receive, IUSD is willing to pay up to 0.2% of the costs to bring peace of mind for all of our students and their families.” Pockets will be required to meet additional requirements in order for the district to approve them. Once a student puts in their phone at the beginning of the day, the pocket must be locked with an iron deadbolt that under no circumstances can open until after 8th period. Any “close encounters,” which the district defines as stepping within 10 feet of the lock, will result in a siren similar to that of a school fire alarm. Cell phone pockets must be installed by March 15 in every household. Families can call the front office for assistance if they have trouble self-installing in their homes. Students who cannot afford the pockets or do not install the pockets by the expected date will be obligated to place their phones in the public cell phone pockets currently established in the offices of every IUSD school.
“These are state-of-the-art cell phone pockets designed especially for use in schools.” Ohns said. “By hanging them on the wall outside the office, the district is committed to making the drop-off process as seamless as possible for students. They are completely secure and absolutely safe. We do not foresee any possible thefts whatsoever.” The cell phone pockets will be mandatory effective as soon as possible and will be enforced through the honor system. Students who turn themselves in for violating the cell phone policy will receive a two-day suspension and have all electronic devices confiscated to reflect on their behavior. An anonymous tip line will also be opened to encourage transparency and trust between students. Students who fail to turn themselves in will have more serious consequences. After a detailed review session that roots out possible distractions by going through all text messages, Instagram feeds and Snapchat streaks with the principal and parents present, students will be required to head to a local forest and survive for an entire week. The experience is meant to enlighten students about life without electronics and serve as an inspirational experience to appreciate the serenity of nature. “We hope that students will just be honest and use the cell phone pockets as they should be used,” Ohns said. “Phones are extremely dangerous, and cell phone pockets are only the start of the changes we’re making to improve the lives of all IUSD students.”
18
Shambolic Shenanigans
March 19, 2021
The Northwood Howler
VICTORIA TA The Northwood Howler
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By Lana Hwang
Staff Writer
After several more decades of endless research and study, it has come to my attention that my previous conclusion of the phenomena of “global boiling” is, in fact, an erroneous mistake on my part. I would like to take this opportunity to present the revolutionary concept of global cooling for the scientific community’s consideration. “Global cooling is the process by which the Earth’s temperature continues to drop at alarmingly exponential rates,” professor doctor scientist First Last from a university far too prestigious to name said. “If this process continues, by next year, there will be irreversible consequences, which can include the permanent transformation of Earth into an ice cube, or, in the worst case scenario, its spherical equivalent.” One concerning development of this phenomenon was in Texas, where record winter storms devastated communities last month, leading to the stock prices of various ice cream companies to plummet over the course of a day. Gone are cows, who have now been replaced with cOWes that have evolved to expectorate scalding hot carbon monoxide that burns any passerby within a six-foot radius, produce coats as thick as a small barn to conserve heat and produce preheated milk. “Unfortunately, their milk vaporizes the millisecond that it leaves their body, and we are no longer able
realities
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to produce our highly-sought-after combat this event, and we will consteaks, as their thick coats prevent tinue to be your sporadic cheerleadany instrument from breaching it,” ers whenever it is convenient. In othcOWeologist M00 M00 said. er news, your company is proud to As the Earth continues to cool, announce that we will be introducing my team realized that these flavored ice to our inventory and innew cOWes have modi- troducing a delivery service for confied digestive systems sumer convenience!” that release 10 times To combat this global crisis, I as much methane as have devised an ingenious plan that traditional cows. One would ensure our planet’s safety forproposed solution is ever. Instead of trying to stop it, the to multiply the num- world must take an active role in ber of these cOWes g e t ting rid of the by 138472573 through polar ice genetic manufacturing caps. to warm the Earth enough B y to prevent the aforemencrashing tioned effects. a meteor, Another option is to put cofirebombing pious amounts of Alka-Seltzer in or any other every volcano across the world; means necesfrom our research, it has effecsary, we can tively produced an eruption eliminate any when tested with various soft possible threat drinks, which is quite similar of a frozen to the physical state of lava. world by These experiments, howevcutting off er, were conducted at local SABA NABAEIGHAHROUDI The Northwood Howler the cold at elementary school science fairs, so its source. The effects shouldn’t be results with actual too noticeable, as we’re doing much volcanoes may of it already. display trivial Public support for the plan will differences. be overwhelming, as a new survey T h o u g h conducted by Nopen Guins research the causes of institute reports 89% of the public global cooling does not seem to notice anything difare not fully un- ferent in the environment, and 98% derstood, it has expressed that they did not have a been found that problem with the change, as long as it industrial com- did not affect their ice cream supply. panies account When asked to comment on the for 99.999% of issue, a passerby said “Huh. I didn’t the chemicals that even realize that it was getting colder. influence this new Maybe that’s why my organic sugar phenomenon. free gluten free juice was replaced “Our industry fully acknowl- with organic sugar free gluten free edges the severity of the allegations juice popsicles”. made against companies such as ourEven though these developselves, but we believe it is essential ments may be concerning to some, to think about the role of individual there is no need for worry. As long consumers as well,” CEO of Ice In- as the public continues to ignore the dustries Ima Idiote said. “We really problem, reality will surely come to encourage individual activism to reflect this sentiment.
By Rahul Khanna
Staff Writer
DMV managers are reporting skyrocketing increases in the satisfaction ratings of customers, which mysteriously comes as offices close statewide due to COVID-19 surges. Many data scientists have hypothesized that there is a correlation between the closing of DMV offices and the uptick in customer satisfaction, but nobody was able to make a definitive connection until Mohter Melinda, manager of the Santa Ana DMV, stepped in. “It’s all in the numbers, really,” Melinda said. “Once I realized how upset people were with the current in-person DMV experience, I was able to diagnose the problem and come up with an effective solution.” Melinda claims that customers were previously unhappy with the DMV experience because they were only able to spend 2-3 hours of their day there, before being forced to leave. She postulates that the new virtual environment allows customers to happily spend their entire day staring at the dynamic, rush-inducing DMV website. Customers can chill in the Zoom waiting rooms as opposed to sitting in the uncomfortable DMV chairs as well. “If I concentrate, I can almost hear the crying of babies that were forced by their mothers to leave the DMV, and the celebration of teenagers that failed their Permit tests, meaning they would get the opportunity to come back in a week,” Melinda said. “The adrenaline rush of standing in line with people you never want to meet again, or the thrill you get when you move an extra spot up after only 45 minutes...it gets me pumped up!” The data appears to confirm Melinda’s hypothesis—a recent study done by the Vroom Research Center found that over 94% of adults aged 18-30 considered a day at the DMV as one of the most exhilarating and
patriotic experiences possible in America. Customers have additionally made their opinions clear on the DMV’s exceptional communication skills. Instead of notifying customers of their appointments being cancelled beforehand, the DMV chooses to add an element of surprise by notifying customers only when they arrive at the location. The outbursts of emotion when customers hear the news can only be interpreted as a sign of their appreciation of the DMV’s efforts to make their lives more interesting. In order to further elevate the DMV experience in the near future, Melinda plans to make customers not only fill out the paperwork in perfect cursive, but type up the forms entirely on a typewriter. She also plans to implement a “safety-form” policy, in which customers are required to not only fill out their own forms, but check at least 50 other customer’s forms to ensure accuracy. “Our top analysts noted that the more paperwork we made customers do, the more passionate they got about the DMV,” Melinda said. “Last year when we doubled the number of forms people had to complete, I recall one gentleman standing up and crying before leaving, clearly overtaken by joy. I aspire to bring these feelings to as many people as possible.” Melinda will also reduce the number of workers at the DMV to just one, in order to maximize the size of lines and give customers the greatest opportunities to discuss their shared love for the DMV amongst each other. The reductions, however, are not expected to make noticeable differences to wait times. Unsurprisingly, the satisfaction rate of customers has continued surging amid the new changes. However, many “car”-servatives have expressed displeasure for the system. “People ask me all the time when we will return back to normal,” Melinda said. “Honey, this is the new normal.”