Are Blue Jeans at a Wedding Okay?

By Janice Opie

I stood by the hospital entrance door watching my husband beat up the ticket box. It never spit out the ticket he needed. A draw it was. A minor stream of people passed me by as they entered the hospital and they were looking pretty spiffy, I may say. Very clean white shoes, fresh lipstick, hair combed. I think it was about five seconds before a terrible thought kicked my head. They look good enough to go to a wedding.

My husband collected me and in we went. Great timing as a man was pushing Richard down the hall in a wheelchair… Richard indicating with his finger which way we were to continue going and like rock fans, we followed. Out of a doorway appeared Nancy, Richard’s wife of 25 years… with a bouquet of flowers in her hand. Sit me down! Give me water! There really is a wedding! I quickly removed my sunglasses, dragged my fingers through my hair and slipped the sandal straps unto the backs of my ankles where they belonged and entered a room with 19 or so guests. Not a scrap of denim in sight! Darn I hate when that happens!

Enough of me. Onto Richard and Nancy. Nancy is cute as a button.

Getting a stage IV cancer diagnosis changes your life, your outlook, the life of your partner. An initial year of chemo introduced Richard to the harsh realities of debilitating side effects. Different concoctions of chemo were in the mix and yet, deep down inside, Richard and Nancy looked at each other and they were no longer falling for a hopeful end with sunshine and dancing shoes. No, they embraced their situation and engaged in life, both practical and enjoyable. They moved into a “easy” home, no stairs, an open bright concept for Nancy to live alone in when the time came. They bought an RV small enough for Nancy to handle but big enough for us to drool over. They puttered with the new home, petted the cat and loved each other all the while fighting with chemo as their weapon.

Richard stated, one has no choice but to get straight with oneself and one’s spiritual belief. (Blessed is the person who has one at a time like this) There is no escape. As one gentleman apprised Richard, “You will need to be braver and more courageous than you’ve ever been.” After five years of merely delaying the inevitable, and suffering for it, a moment in an oncologist’s office and phrases like “there are no other options”, Richard had a thought. A decision followed. No more chemo. Richard did a 180 and planted his feet, staring at what he had delayed. I am now ready. With throwing chemo aside, the end was now coming at him and it was coming fast. Richard is the bravest and most courageous man I know.

Once the priest emptied the cardboard box of candles, bible and implements of sacred rite, it was not too long after, that we were all teary-eyed listening to Nancy and Richard exchange vows but this time in the eyes of God. The civil ceremony of 25 years ago was now complete. There was an aura that had taken on a life of its own. Richard and Nancy were in a moment together and I was humbled and honoured to be there.

A celebration was next, a catered lunch, toasts to the couple and a giving of gifts. Not to the bride and groom but “from” the bride and groom. Truffles to delight one’s taste buds. How sweet. And then Richard begged off, he was tired for sure. Final hugs and whispers on whiskers ensued. I called Richard the next day. We spoke of many things regarding his mindset at different stages of his last five years. When life is good, one wakes up at times, not excited about life, experiencing boredom at times. Initially upon the diagnosis, Richard fell into a deep funk. He milked the concept of chemo and getting better for it. But after frank talks with his wife and himself, he began to live life to the fullest that he was able to. He was never bored again. He changed homes, enjoyed the RV when he could, tied up loose ends and after five years, mustered up a bravado and courage like he never did before. Richard has advice for you who are reading this. “If you are diagnosed with something terminal, do not let it defeat you. Take a look at what is left….AND GO GET IT!!!

Janice Opie is an artist and author residing in Niagara Falls, Ontario. She can be contacted through her website janiceopie.com regarding art lessons and her fiction “Bloody Waters”, available through Amazon.