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A prayer for the one who is left 1
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1
Lord, the trouble about life just now is that I seem to have all things which don’t matter, and to have lost all the things, which do matter. 3
I have life; I have enough money to live on: I have plenty to occupy me: but I am alone, and sometimes I feel that nothing can make up for that.
Lord compel me to see the meaning of faith. Make me to realise that I have a hope as well as a memory, and the unseen cloud of witnesses
3
is around me; that you meant it when you said that you would always be with me; and make me realise that as long as you leave me here there is something that I am meant to do; and in doing it, help me to find the comfort and the courage that I need to go on.
For confidetiality and privacy the names in this book have been removed. The woman will be refered throughout only as she, her or herself. The first person writer will asume the role of the husband of the woman. Any medical professional will be known by there job description/title. 3
2
Dear Doctor
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1
His
Book
My wife does not know of this letter to you. She must not learn of it. My purpose in writing to you is to give you a much fuller picture than you could obtain from other sources, so that my wife can be helped as quickly and efficiently as possible. She is suffering from three major difficulties, which interact with each other to an alarming extent. She has become introspective, miserable and moody – totally unlike the out going and cheerful person she used to be. Her
difficulties
are
(in
no
Memory loss ii.
order)
Severe pain in her knee
i. Depression
particular
Memory loss
5
3
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On the 24th April she had keyhole surgery at the local hospital
Severe
pain
in
her
1
knee
She endures much severe pain, but does not appear to take
this did not improve her situation. She had been told that this could be the outcome. Subsequently she opted for a total
any of the prescribed painkillers. She has an aversion to taking any medication. I’ve given up any attempt to persuade her. In this way I avoid the inevitable “scene� which are so 1
distressing, not only to me but also to her. Occasionally I mildly suggest that she should perhaps take
knee replacement, a provisional date being arranged for
a painkiller inevitably she replies to the effect that she has just taken one. I know or can establish that her reply is 9
the 23rd July. On the 14th July she
matter. The pain dramatically curtails her ability to talk.
had clinical assessment, at which it was quite clear (I was there) that she was depressed and had
She has done no household shopping for several months and rarely ventures outdoors on her own. This all makes life very difficult for her and me. She is naturally a very active person. Frustration and despondency are her constant companions
3
memory problems it emerged that she
nowadays.
had not been taking, for some time, the citalopram tablets prescribed for her by the doctor for her depression. The knee replacement surgery was cancelled. 6
probably a lie. She probably believes what she says in this
3
Since the 14th July she had taken the correct daily dosage, but there seems to be no improvement to her depression. It was a struggle to persuade her to take the tablets for about ten days, but now she controls the taking of them herself, although I clandestinely check.
7
She can create scenes for no reason other than she take umbrage at something I’ve said or done. More often than not this is linked to memory lapses. During her scenes/ outbursts she resorts to the following sorts of expressions:
1
She has been depressed for at least a year, possibly even for two years or more. Last year in June 2008 she
1
fell down a short flight of stairs, when holidaying with a friend. Result – a cracked vertebrae and much pain with consequences similar to the described above.
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3
I’m what
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not to
do
a
child;
(or
treat
don’t me
like
tell
me
as
one)
Nobodies is interested in me,
3
Nobody cars for me, You don’t give a damn for me,
D
e
p
r
e
s
s
i
o
You’re a hateful man, You make me feel this size (using her thumb and forefinger) ,
n
After the cancellation, on the 14th July this year, of the knee replace ed ment surgery, she now believes that the hospital is no longer interest e convinc to in her and will not carry out any surgery in the future. I try
You don’t love me,
I don’t know why I married you,
she her otherwise. My efforts are unsuccessful. Whereas previously with the could only speak very highly of the hospital and her experience staff, her views have become negative since 14th July.
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I want my mother and father 9