4 minute read
Paul Murnaghan
Columnist
Kate Marshall
Coach Speaker Author Facilitator
“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then is not an act, but
a habit.” Aristotle
There is a difference between success that happens because of our behaviour, success that happens by luck, and success that happens despite our behaviour.
I’ve been re-reading What Got You Here Won’t Get You There by Marshall Goldsmith, who is one of the most successful of corporate America’s coaches. Goldsmith’s primary insight is that good manners is good management, that bad habits keep highly successful people from succeeding even more. What differentiates the one from the other, he observes, has nothing to do with one’s abilities, experience, and training and everything to do with behaviour. Goldsmith explains, successful people often limit themselves with habits and behaviours that they don’t even know they have. Likewise, people who have experienced some level of success, tend to assume that the behaviours that got them this far will, in time, get them further still. This may not be the case: they could fail to realise that their success has come despite their flaws. Some fail to understand that their habits may be preventing them from reaching their full potential, not only at work, but also in life.
EVERYONE HAS A FEW BAD HABITS. HERE ARE SOME THAT MAY BE HOLDING YOU BACK:
1. Not listening. One of the most valuable skills we can develop is the ability to listen well. This means listening with the intent to understand, most of us listen with the intent to reply. The quality of your listening will determine the quality of the relationship and is perhaps one of the most important habits to really work on – by truly listening, you help people feel valued, show that you care and that they belong.
2. Adding too much value. This is when you can’t stop yourself from adding your thoughts to already viable ideas. The reality is that, while it in some cases it may slightly improve an idea, it drastically reduces the other person’s commitment.
3. Criticising and passing judgment / negative comments disguised as humour. Think twice before passing judgement. Before speaking, ask yourself: “Do I need to say this?”
4. Starting with “No”, “But” or “However”. Almost all of us do this and most of us are totally unaware of it. As soon as you say that you negate the other persons view and that will damage the relationship. Change your phrasing to “Yes” or “And”.
5. Speaking when angry. When you get angry, you are usually out of control: take a breath, walk away. We don’t think or act rationally and logically when emotional and this can be very damaging.
6. Withholding information. This one is all about power. We do this unconsciously: when we are too busy to get back to someone with valuable information, when we forget to include someone in our discussions or meetings, or when we delegate a task and don’t take the time to show them exactly how we want it done.
7. Failing to give recognition and saying thank you. Catch people doing things right – it builds trust and confidence.
8. Making excuses. We do this by blaming our failings on circumstances or someone or something else outside ourselves. Own up when you mess up.
9. Lack of accountability. Lack of accountability at any level is a damaging negative attribute. It overrules many good qualities. When things go wrong, don’t look for who to blame: look for what you can learn and commit to make it better. 10. An excessive need to be right. This shows up when we argue our strongly held viewpoint when it really doesn’t matter to the outcome. We end up damaging relationships and creating barriers between us and those we lead.
11. Holding onto the past. It’s important to reflect on the past, to learn from it, but we must look forward to current and future circumstances. I call this head up leadership, looking to the horizon. What got you here may not get you there.
12. Not asking for feedback. I am a huge fan of 360° feedback. We can only change that which we are aware of. While selfreflection is important, there are parts of us we cannot see. Ask for feedback or, as Marshall Goldsmith puts it, “ask for feedforward”: tell me what isn’t working and give me suggestions to improve. In my Vistage CEO Advisory Boards, we finish each meeting with WWW and EBI – What’s Working Well and Even Better If – a great example of feed forward in action. in action.
