4 minute read
Bill Roy
Columnist
Bill Roy,
Principal and Founder at BRC Partnership Ltd
The Optimists Have It
Iremember many years ago being introduced to the concept of positive thinking; I even sat through two days of training on it… and over a weekend! I came away with a mix of reactions. There were certainly some challenging and useful elements of my training experience but there were also some very real personal concerns. These concerns were compounded by what seemed to be a loud chorus of people raving about how helpful the experience had been, something close to a messianic encounter in some cases.
I was troubled by the idea that keeping a clutch of little businesscard sized affirmations would ensure I would be two stones lighter in four weeks. Or that my mother could be unimaginably wealthy even though she was holding on for family allowance day on Tuesday.
Negativity can be exhausting but I justified it on the basis that it was much more realistic and accepting of real circumstances. I never once thought of myself as negative of course, but I was adept at spotting it in other people. (Speck and plank come to mind.)
Many of us who have grown up in this small corner of the world have been buffeted by negativity, pessimism and cynicism. How refreshing it is to be in the company of someone who chooses optimism and the stuff of hope over pessimism and an inclination towards prophecies of doom.
Some years ago, I came to the conclusion that optimism and positive thinking were two very different things. Positive thinking says “everything is fine”, “all is well”, “nothing to worry about” – even when the roof is collapsing on top of us! Optimism acknowledges the realities of our doubts and darkness, our disappointment and despair and points to a better day and a stronger light ahead.
My exploration of optimism kick-started with my interest and development in the field of EI, not least with the work of a writer called Tali Sharot and her book “The Optimism Bias”. I was intrigued by her assertion that we are hard-wired for optimism. Really, Tali?
It certainly flew in the face of Freud’s psychoanalytical theorising that optimism was more associated with “illusionary denial”. Suffice to say the search was on.
Surely, we need large doses of optimism now more than ever. The loss, frustration, isolation and dislocation experienced by so many over the past 12 months accentuates the need for an optimism bias or “learned optimism” as Martin Seligman has called it in his book of the same name.
I would like to highlight some useful insights and strategies from Seligman’s work that might inform our tentative forward steps. Maybe it is possible to learn optimism, which may provide a more helpful compass in the months and years ahead. Try at least some of the following to get started: 1. Focus on what is going well without denying what is not. If needs be, make a note of what has gone well in the day that has passed. 2. Practice gratitude. What can you be grateful for, even in the small things? 3. Challenge and resist your own negative self-talk. Give yourself a break. 4. Embrace the possibilities and pluses of today and resist waiting for tomorrow. 5. Help others who may be in greater need than yourself. 6. Cultivate a spirit of generosity.
Seligman says, “Life inflicts the same setbacks and tragedies on the optimist as on the pessimist but the optimist weathers them better.”
It is probably better to see optimism as a strategy rather than a fixed trait or part of our disposition, even though there may be a Victor Meldrew lurking somewhere in all of us. I have certainly discovered more of mine as I have got older. The work in progress continues. In conclusion, I would like to signpost three cognitive distortions that Seligman calls the 3P’s. Again, you might recognise something of yourself in these distortions.
1. Personalisation. Failure and setbacks are always my fault: I am to blame, I have brought this on myself. As your optimism bias grows, you will get better at seeing a bigger, wider, healthier picture. Optimists are more likely to externalise rather than internalise.
2. Pervasiveness. It can also be linked to catastrophising. Words like “nightmare”, “disaster”, “pointless” may have some resonance here. Maybe being more disposed to seeing events as much more temporary and transient might reduce our negativity and selfcriticism.
3. Permanence. Optimists see a negative situation as fleeting whereas pessimists are more likely to see them as lasting. Something as basic as being required to give a presentation, for example, “I have never been any good at these things” or “I always go to pieces”. Optimism says this is not fixed in time and a permanent affliction. With better preparation, rehearsal and the feedback of a trusted friend, I can make positive improvements, even if they are incremental. I will get better at this.
