Seasons of Love by Nickilincha

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SEASONS OF LOVE:

A Holiday Passion Planner

By Hilda Hutcherson, M.D. and Ian Kerner, PhD

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Seasons of Love: A Holiday Passion Planner was developed by the experts at Good in Bed, in partnership with K-Y® Brand. Whether you’re seeking to solve a problem, learn a new technique, or simply improve your skills, you’ll find the information and advice you need at GoodInBed.com to take your sex life to the next level. With the support of K-Y® Brand, we’re revolutionizing the way the people learn about sex. We know that it isn’t easy to walk into a bookstore and buy a book about intimacy, much less read one on your lunch break. That’s why all of our Good in Bed Guides offer a “blush-free” digital experience, brought to you by credentialed experts who are passionate about their subjects and respected in their fields. When it comes to your love life, we know we can’t guarantee satisfaction—that part is up to you. But we can help. In addition to publishing our premium eBooks, Good in Bed offers a library of free content and, with the support of K-Y® Brand, a respectful community in which individuals and experts can interact. You only have one love life, and we want to help you live it to the fullest. We hope you’ll join us at GoodInBed.com to continue your lifelong journey of love and fulfillment.

Disclaimer: This book contains advice and information relating to sexual health and interpersonal well-being. It is not intended to replace medical or psychotherapeutic advice and should be used to supplement rather than replace regular care by your doctor or mental health professional. While all efforts have been made to ensure the accuracy of the information contained in this book as of the date of publication, neither the publisher, authors, or the book’s sponsor are responsible for any adverse effects or consequences that may occur as a result of applying the methods suggested in this book.

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Introduction Welcome to Seasons of Love: A Holiday Passion Planner, brought to you by K-Y® Brand and Good in Bed. Getting through the holidays isn’t always easy, especially when it comes to your relationship. Some holidays bring out our “for better” side, and others, alas, bring out our “for worse.” Any way you look at it though, we need to get through them together, and that’s where we want to offer some assistance. Most savvy couples (at least the ones who have been around the block a few times) know that the trick to both enduring and enjoying the holidays lies in using these occasions to strengthen—not test—their relationship. Sadly, for many of us, these events aren’t quite so sexy. Instead, they’re all about rushing from work parties to family functions, shopping for that perfect gift, and overindulging, whether on eggnog, champagne, or Halloween candy stolen from our kids’ coveted stash. At their worst, holidays can be rife with obligations, stress, and squabbles. Even the most stereotypically romantic holiday—Valentine’s Day—can seem loaded when you’re trying to meet unrealistic expectations or please your partner without breaking the bank. But these challenges are really just opportunities. The truth is that holidays present an excellent chance to give your love life a boost. From traditional celebrations such as New Year’s Eve and Thanksgiving, to less-expected occasions like April Fool’s Day and Halloween, holidays don’t have to be filled with errands and commitments. Instead, they can be a great time for you and your partner to tune in to and turn on each other, by transforming them into “intimate occasions” as simple as a date night that’s over in a couple of hours—but can have a huge impact. The truth is, the romantic intimacy of something as simple as a date night can act like a vacation for your body and brain: flirting, touching, and connecting sexually with your partner can give you both a break from everyday woes, help you find memorable moments to reconnect throughout the year, and make even the most hectic holidays more pleasurable.

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When your sex life is smoking, your relationship follows. According to a large study in 2011 by the Kinsey Institute and published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, those couples who have the most satisfying love lives also report being happier with their relationship overall.1 The researchers found that engaging in frequent kissing and cuddling, sexual caressing, and intercourse can all increase that satisfaction, in and out of bed. In turn, a strong overall relationship can help couples better cope with stressful times, whether that means dealing with financial troubles, shuttling the kids to soccer practice, or surviving Thanksgiving dinner with the in-laws. That’s why we created this guide. We firmly believe that sex and intimacy are the glue that holds an otherwise great relationship together and, as some couples may already be aware, holidays are really the perfect time to cement that sexual intimacy. So rather than worrying about whether your guests will enjoy the homemade cranberry sauce you’ve prepared for Thanksgiving dinner, trying to figure out how to pull off the perfect Fourth of July pool party, or struggling to stay up to watch the New Year’s Eve ball drop in Times Square, we’d like you to see the potential in holidays, not just the stress, to-do lists, and family commitments. Don’t get us wrong. We know you’re busy, especially during these times of year. The exercises in these pages will teach you and your partner how to creatively carve out just a few hours with each other, and use holiday occasions to your full advantage. We’ll show you how to maximize that limited time together to foster a renewed sense of closeness and sexual intimacy that can carry you through the holidays. And you’ll learn how to turn holidays into fun and sensual date night opportunities that celebrate just the two of you. With an open mind and a little imagination, you can make special occasions—and even ordinary days—sexier.

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WINTER HOLIDAYS Perhaps no occasions are as rife with obstacles to true intimacy as winter holidays like Christmas and Hanukkah. Between bouncing from one party to the next, decorating your home, shopping for the perfect gift, and seeing your relatives, these holidays can make you feel short on time and patience, not to mention romance. Yet winter celebrations are also perfect opportunities to get closer. Besides being religious observances, winter holidays remind us to celebrate and be thankful for all we have in life. It makes perfect sense then to extend that appreciation to our partners, and give the gift of intimacy, too.

Part One: Winter There’s a chill in the air and a festive spirit abounds. Take advantage of the longer nights and cozy up to your partner with these intimate exercises.

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This year, when you’re planning your holiday party and shopping schedule, pick one or two nights reserved just for you and your partner. Think about the types of festive occasions that you will both enjoy and that will help you connect and de-stress, as well as be memorable. Depending on when you started dating, these may even be things you enjoyed when you first fell in love. Grab an hour or two to go ice-skating at a local rink. Take a walk to admire the decorations in your neighborhood and keep warm with a cup of hot chocolate. Whatever you do, the important part is

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vibrator can get her engine revving and help take her over the edge. Massage oil not only feels great, but a soothing rubdown can help even the tensest partners relax and unwind so they start feeling frisky, not frazzled. Female arousal gels, too, like K-Y® Brand INTENSE®, can add a spark by heightening arousal, sexual pleasure, and sensitivity. Or try one of the new K-Y® Brand DATE NIGHT packs, which include several different products like INTENSE® and YOURS+MINE® Couples Lubricant, along with a $10 coupon off movie tickets at Moviefone.com. So carve out just a few hours, and you can enjoy a quick movie with your partner before it’s off to bed for some additional romance, drama, or comic relief—whichever you prefer.

to tune out other distractions so you can focus on each other, before heading home to really heat things up. The secret to sexy success once you’re back at home? Remember that toys aren’t just for kids anymore. Despite the state of the economy, sales of sex toys are skyrocketing, to the tune of $15 billion a year, according to one recent CNBC report.2 Why not make a similar investment in your sex life by splurging on a few fun and very adult “stocking stuffers” guaranteed to heat things up? This exercise works well for any gift-giving holiday, including birthdays and anniversaries, but there may be no better time to give it a test run than during the winter holidays.

HE PLAN: These days, there’s no shortage of sexy accessories to jazz up your love life—and many of them are as close as your local drugstore. Others are just a click of the computer mouse away, which can make shopping for toys together less embarrassing and more enjoyable. The morning or afternoon before your date night, do a little extra holiday shopping–without your partner, of course. These are gifts after all! Choose accessories that can improve intimacy: a

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Once you make your purchases, wrap them with care, and use our date night suggestions and following tips to set the stage for romance and give each other the best gift of all: a mind-blowing session of lovemaking.

Tips for Date Night Success n Select a date and time when you’ll both be relaxed and have a few hours to play without interruption. n Get creative when fitting in time together. Are your kids baking cookies with Grandma? Can you skip out of your office party a bit early? Look for opportunities that help make the most of a free hour or two. n Plan ahead and add your sexy gift exchange to your calendar like any other important appointment. n Don’t feel like you must use all your presents at once. These are gifts that will keep on giving—so make a date tonight to try some of them out later.

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NEW YEAR’S EVE With a new year comes the hope for positive change—in our health, our finances, our habits. From losing weight to getting a better job to quitting smoking, we all make New Year’s resolutions, yet few of us resolve to improve our love lives. Even the strongest relationships require commitment and effort to succeed in the long term—but working on things needn’t feel like, well, work. This year, make some lasting promises to spice things up in the bedroom, and your health may follow. Regular nooky appears to lower the risk of a number of conditions, including heart disease, prostate cancer, and the common cold. According to Dr. Helen Fisher, author of Why We Love, there’s even evidence that people who enjoy regular sex may be more successful at work, possibly because sex can increase confidence and self-esteem.3

HE PLAN: Your best bet to make your sexual resolutions stick? Take small steps: research shows that, in general, people are more successful at keeping New Year’s resolutions if they make several small goals rather than one big one. You can’t just resolve to have “more” or “better” sex. Instead, be specific—but make the process fun and flirty. Snuggle up with your sweetie and divide a stack of index cards or slips

of paper into two piles. Each of you should take a pile and write down your sexy hopes for the following year. What you write is up to you, but you might try starting with something like “have sex once a week,” “try out one new position a month,” “kiss each other at least X times per day,” “fulfill a fantasy,” etc. Tips for Date Night Success n Don’t wait until New Year’s Eve to consider your resolutions. Do a little thinking ahead of time and determine what you enjoy about your love life and how you’d like to improve it. Do you want more sex? More affection? Would you like to spice things up? Inject more romance? Your thoughts will help inform the resolutions you make. n Enjoy yourselves, but rein it in. It’s fine to indulge a bit—it is a holiday—but don’t overeat or drink too much. You want to be in good shape, both mentally and physically, for tonight’s fun. n If you absolutely can’t find the time on New Year’s Eve because of commitments to friends, your family, or kids, try this exercise when you’ve got more down time—the following evening, for example. n Make a plan to stay on top of your plans. Choose a new resolution or two a week for a month, for example, and check in with each other at the end of January. By Valentine’s Day, you might not necessarily be having more sex, but you should be enjoying a higher quality of intimacy. Decide to make a habit of being a better partner and set up reminders along the way that also celebrate your accomplishment, like a special dinner, gift for you both to enjoy, etc.

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Remember too, there’s many ways to get to sex and not all of them start behind a closed bedroom door. The closer and more connected you feel to your partner, the more likely you’ll be to want to get frisky once the lights go out (or stay on, for that matter). Some of your resolutions can be plans to do more things that help bring you together. Essentially, these can be like date nights that involve activities you both enjoy and that encourage intimacy. For instance, maybe you both love live music or theater, so you make a resolution to try and see a concert at least once every other month. Maybe you’ve wanted to be more physically active, so you commit to trying something new as a couple like rock climbing, spin class, or even cross-country skiing. The point is to find ways to get out of your routines and refresh your connection. Believe us, a little unpredictability goes a long way. Research has shown that it spikes the brain’s natural amphetamines, dopamine and norepinephrine, which play a big role in sexual arousal.4

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regular nooky appears to lower the risk of a number of conditions

As the clock strikes midnight, pop some bubbly or sparkling cider and read your resolutions one by one. Which plans seem most attainable? The most intriguing? Which ones do you want to try as soon as possible? Choose one or two resolutions to help you ring in the new year right away—then check in with each other on a regular basis to keep your passionate plans in motion all year long.

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VALENTINE’S DAY A dozen roses. A heart-shaped box of chocolates. A pair of diamond earrings. There’s no doubt that Valentine’s Day is a loaded holiday. A couple’s expectations for romance can run incredibly high, setting you both up for disappointment. It also seems to come with a builtin requirement to spend lots of money—hardly a libido booster. While some loving gestures are always appreciated, the truth is that most women don’t crave over-the-top romance. One survey by Saatchi Wellness and Time Inc., for example, showed that 73 percent of women would actually prefer having sex regularly, compared to just 27 percent who would rather receive a box of chocolates at a similar frequency.5 So make the focus of this Valentine’s Day an affordable but sexy tryst that focuses less on monetary value and more on the importance of intimacy, all day long. By the time evening falls, you’ll both have much more on your mind than a pricey four-course dinner or expensive theater tickets.

HE PLAN: Valentine’s Day is itself a date night, but to really make the most of it, don’t just focus on what happens after the sun goes down. Start things off right by flexing the body’s biggest sex organ— the brain—by telling your partner that you have a really sexy fantasy about them. Keep the details to yourself for now, then feed your partner a few tantalizing clues about your fantasy via email or text throughout the day. Before you head off to work, give your partner a 30-second hug. This might sound like a long time (and it can feel like it, too), but studies have show that hugging for 20 to 30 seconds can raise levels of oxytocin, the feel-good “cuddle hormone” that fosters feelings of comfort and brings couples closer. Now it’s time for some errands. When you stop off at the drugstore to buy a card, get some sexy supplies, too. Grab a sleep

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mask, which can double as a blindfold, a vibrator or other toy, and a flavored body product like K-Y® YOURS+MINE® KISSABLE SENSATIONS™ for the Body, which was found in a clinical study to increase anticipation and desire for intimacy. Pick up some takeout at your favorite restaurant, or foods believed to have aphrodisiac qualities like avocados, oysters, or dark chocolate, and a bottle of wine. (Remember to limit yourselves to just a glass or two, which can lower your inhibitions without impairing sexual function.) These are all great accessories, but the big question mark always on our minds is what kind of present to buy our partners. Hopefully you didn’t leave this until the last minute, but it’s part of the full package you’ll be bringing home and we think it’s important to address. Bottom line, we shouldn’t judge our relationships on the biggest, the best, or the most expensive present, but at the end of the day we all like to be treated to a special gift that marks the occasion. In a difficult economy, it becomes even more important that what we buy has value and emotional impact, not just a hefty price tag.

The important trick here is to go beyond the obvious and think about a gift that represents your relationship. It’s probably not a diamond necklace— or chenille teddy bears and roadside roses, for that matter. Think about the things—no matter how small—that are special to you as a couple and were part of what made you fall in love with each other. It could be a meal at the restaurant where you had your first date, a collector’s DVD of your partner’s favorite movie, or a framed photo of your family. Once you’re home, swap presents and the full details of your fantasy. Choose some of your favorite New Year’s resolutions to revisit. Isn’t an intimate evening that ends with you in your lover’s arms better than any fancy night out?

Tips for Date Night Success n Plan ahead: When you check in with your partner about the progress of your New Year’s resolutions in late January, choose a few to help inform your Valentine’s Day. Maybe you know your partner has a position he prefers, or she’s told you she really loves it when you kiss her breasts. Incorporate these desires into your plans for the special day. n Set the stage for sensuality by turning your bedroom into a love nest. Light some candles, make the bed with fresh sheets, and queue up a sexy playlist to help get yourselves in the mood. n Rather than big-ticket items that don’t necessarily represent the two of you, choose more intimate gestures that are unique to your partner. Prepare his favorite meal, play her favorite songs, wear that shirt she likes, write him a personal note in his card.

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APRIL FOOL’S DAY

Part Two: Spring Holidays Spring is the season of renewal— and a perfect time to renew your love life, too. These holiday tips can show you how.

A sense of humor is always beneficial when it comes to intimacy. Laughter helps forge a sense of connection between two people, researchers say. Who doesn’t love goofing off and laughing with their partner and sharing in the things that make you both happy? According to one study, couples who have been married a long time cite a sense of humor as one of the top three reasons for the success of their relationship.6 Other research shows that simply reminiscing about laughing together increases relationship satisfaction for couples.7 People who are funny even report having more sex than their straight-laced peers. What better time to get playful than April Fool’s Day? Pass up the hand buzzers and whoopee cushions in favor of a lighthearted pastime that can make you chuckle—and sigh with pleasure, too.

HE PLAN: Plan a date night that’s sure to make you both crack up laughing with a mix of new humor as well as reflection on your funnier moments together as a couple. First, look for fun activities happening in your area. It can be a night at a comedy club or even a funny movie that’s been getting rave reviews. If you can’t find anything, plan for your own laughs by challenging each other to research a few really funny jokes to share over dinner. It sounds silly, but the point is to be lighthearted and unpredictable, to make you smile, and to set a tone for the night ahead. As the old adage goes, “laughter is infectious”. Take the opportunity to also reflect on your relationship and some of the funnier times. Just as we all tend to reminisce on milestones, think back to the hysterical moments in your relationship. Perhaps you got caught in the rain, or got caught making love for that matter. We all have priceless stories that begin with “remember when”. Now, use that laughter to add some spice to your love life with a saucy game we like to call “To Tell the Truth”. It’s similar to the game Two Truths and a Lie, in which players present to a group of people two true things they’ve done in the past, plus one outrageous lie. What our game does,

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though, is use humor to open up a dialogue about what you each find pleasurable and helps you explore new territories to keep your relationship fresh and exciting. Of course, in this case, you’ll only be sharing with your partner. Start by sitting on your bed, facing each other so that you won’t have to reach too far if you decide to act on your imagination right now. Now, come up with one sex act you’ve actually experienced or fantasized about, and mix in two that you’ve never tried or never even considered. Make the lies as over-the-top as possible. Maybe you’ve always wanted to lick whipped cream off of your partner, for example, but you would never think about getting busy in a public park or tying him or her up. Let your partner guess, then reveal your truth. But the game doesn’t end there. Once you’ve had a good chuckle and shared your real fantasy, take some time to talk about what intrigues you about it or why you may have found it enjoyable in the past. Discuss any concerns that your partner might have, but don’t push the issue if they’re dead-set against it (chances are, they’ll approach things with an open mind). Now switch roles and let your partner fib while you guess. This evening doesn’t have to end in intercourse, but it can be a great opportunity for it. Raise the stakes by offering a prize: best out of three guesses gets a massage, or a little oral pleasure, or the sexual favor of his or her choice. In this game, there are only winners.

Tips for Date Night Success n Start your date night with an intimate dinner together, either alone or at home, to help kick off the fun and set the tone for an enjoyable dialogue about your sex life. (Dining out bonus: restaurants aren’t nearly as packed on April Fool’s Day as on Valentine’s Day!) n Over the meal, reminisce about funny times you’ve shared together, whether in bed or out. Part of the success of coupledom lies in your ability to laugh at yourselves. n Keep the playful spirit of April Fool’s Day going all year round. Watch funny movies together, tease and tickle each other, steal some kisses, and mix up your love life with other sexy games like dirty dice and strip poker.

People who are funny even report having more sex than their straight-laced peers

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MOTHER’S DAY Mother’s Day is supposed to be about appreciating mothers and all that they do for their loved ones so it often it ends up being a kidcentric day spent together as a family. Don’t get us wrong, this is a great way to celebrate, and we’re all for that adorably sloppy bouquet of flowers picked by your child (from the neighbor’s garden), brunch as a family, or a visit to your local park or children’s museum. We would also like to make a plea, however, for including some adults-only time that helps you reconnect as a couple. Many mothers can start to feel like they’re losing their own identity and simply becoming “Mommy”. Today can still be about her and the kids, but this evening should be dedicated to helping her feel like the sexy woman you first fell in love with—not just a mom.

HE PLAN: If the mother of your children isn’t exactly in the mood for sex, that’s not surprising. She may need a little help. Studies show that women need to be able to relax to feel sensual. In fact, scientific evidence shows that the key for women to reach the heights of orgasmic bliss is a deep sense of relaxation and a lack of anxiety. Researchers at the University of Groningen in the Netherlands scanned the brains of 13 women and 11 men while they were manually stimulated to orgasm by their partners. The scans showed that, for women, the parts of the brain responsible for processing fear, anxiety, and emotion slowed down the more aroused they became, producing a trance-like state at orgasm. Men showed far less change in these areas of the brain, suggesting that women need to relax to become aroused, while men do not.8 So clean up around the house and knock some tasks off your partner’s to-do list so that sex rises to the top. Later tonight, after the kids are asleep and the dishes are done, light some candles and indulge your partner in an erotic massage. We’re betting this Mother’s Day will be one to remember.

Tips for Date Night Success n Take the stress off her shoulders by planning the whole day in advance, from start to finish. Make her breakfast in bed (or reservations for brunch—call for them well in advance), find activities to do with the kids, and clean the house ahead of time so you can all enjoy the day together. n If possible, get the kids to bed early, light some candles, and serve your partner her favorite meal. n Keep the focus on her all day—in bed and out.

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FATHER’S DAY

Part Three: Summer Holidays Warmer weather and sunnier days can make you want to shed those extra layers. Use these holiday “sexercises” to shed your inhibitions, as well.

Like Mother’s Day, this holiday tends to revolve around kids—and why not? You wouldn’t be parents without them. The typical Father’s Day might involve a fishing trip, tickets to a ball game, or a few rounds of golf, all designed to offer what women think guys like. Yet according to a recent survey by BabyCenter, 57 percent of dads say they simply want the gift of sex and intimacy.9 In fact, Father’s Day is an excellent opportunity to inject some romance back into your lives—something that’s even more important when you’re a parent. Leave the ties and toolboxes to the kids and save your present for nighttime, when it’s just the two of you. It’ll help, too, for you to shed the image of full-time parent for one night to help him see the sexy person underneath and the physical elements of what attracted him to you when you first met.

HE PLAN: After a day spent with your kids, make the evening strictly adults only by treating him to some cocktails, dessert, and a steamy striptease—starring you. This exercise should take you both back to your dating days, when sex was still just a possibility, not a given. Remember making out, fully clothed, not knowing what would happen next? Tonight, you’re both going to relive those feelings, thanks to a little lap dance. Invite your partner to relax in a comfortable chair in a room where you’ll have both privacy and space to move around as you perform. Add to the experience by dressing (and then undressing) the part. Choose an outfit that makes you feel sexy and that your partner likes, whether that’s a silky negligee, a pair of satin PJs, or a sexy nurse costume. The key to success is in your approach. Stripteases and lap dances are all about the slow buildup of anticipation, carefully orchestrated with sexy moves, an unhurried removal of clothing, and strategically timed, subtle touches. Take advantage of all of your curves as you dance around in front of your partner. Gyrate your hips. Spin as you move your entire body. Bend

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over, then slide your hands up the length of your inner calves and thighs. Whatever you do, do it slowly. This is supposed to be a bit of a tease. Eventually, back up into the space between his legs, facing away from him, and almost sit in his lap, wiggling your butt across it. By now, he’s probably going wild, and you can finish with the sexy favor of his choosing.

THREE-DAY WEEKENDS Summer holidays like Memorial Day, Independence Day, and Labor Day are great opportunities for celebrating with friends and family at barbecues, pool parties, and picnics. The long weekends they create also mean quick family getaways, when travel with kids can make you feel less than sexy. “Don’t stop—I’m almost there!” quickly gets replaced with the whine of “Are we there yet?” Between coping with cranky children, guarding against sunburns and poison ivy, and figuring out what to bring to the annual potluck picnic, summer holidays already seem packed with obligations. The good news? Summer holidays present a great chance to master the art of the subtlety, while slowly building desire so that you both explode in a matter of moments when you sneak away later on. This year, add some sizzle by making some fireworks of your own.

n As long as you have privacy, this exercise will work anywhere and anytime. If your bedroom is large enough, move in an armless chair and perform your routine there. If your den or living room has a lock, take advantage of the extra space.

HE PLAN: Whether you’re at a family party or the beach, turn up the heat throughout the day with little gestures that tell your partner just how much you want them. Get creative: give them a surreptitious pat on the butt, a long, lingering kiss in the pool, a quick grope under your beach blanket...you get the idea. Then walk back to your tennis game or plate of barbecue like nothing happened. Also, don’t forget to plan some time alone. It’s okay to step away from visiting friends and family to take a walk on the beach, or even a stroll to the market to pick up some more drink mixers. Even though you’re enjoying a relaxing time with others away from the daily grind, doesn’t mean you can’t benefit from some couple time. It’s a great way to “check in,” as well as to increase the flirtation and tease each other for the night ahead.

n Make plans for your parents, in-laws, or friends to take the kids for a special Sunday-night sleepover so you have the house to yourself.

Later that night, when you’re alone, whisper your dirty thoughts into your partner’s ear—then run home to fulfill those promises. Indulge in some heavy petting with your partner—but take it slow. Explore each

Tips for Date Night Success

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other’s bodies with your hands, touching just enough to leave you both feeling on edge. When you’re totally hot and bothered, don’t worry about the logistics of undressing. Move or remove just as much as necessary for intercourse, then go for it. Because your foreplay has lasted all day—and because the frenzy of a quickie can be an incredible turn-on—you should both already be aroused enough to make your own fireworks. Tips for Date Night Success n The time and place for this exercise are critical. A laidback neighborhood pool party is a great venue for secretly getting frisky with your partner. Your annual church picnic? Not so much. n We’re all for spontaneity, but you might want to clue your partner in to your plans the first time you try this exercise. Not only will you prepare them for some surreptitious canoodling, but you’ll also whet their appetite for later on. n Take care. The sensual touches we’ve described here are PG enough for most locales, but save the quickie itself for private. A forbidden kiss behind the boathouse is hot—a public indecency charge is not.

Summer holidays present a great chance to master the art of the subtlety

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HALLOWEEN Valentine’s Day may seem like the most romantic holiday, but Halloween is undoubtedly the sexiest. Sure, trick-or-treating, jack o’ lanterns, and candy all appear childish at first blush, but this holiday isn’t just for kids. After all, when else can you put it all out there and revel in the mystery of being someone else for a night? Don’t believe us? Just pay a visit to your local party store and check out the rows of sexy “adult” costumes—sexy police officer, sexy witch, sexy vampire...you get the picture.

Part Four: Autumn Holidays Fall is a busy time for many of us, but it doesn’t have to be stressful. Unwind and recharge during the autumn holidays with these tips.

The costumes and role-playing associated with Halloween can certainly inject some mystery and put the spark back into even the longest-term relationships, A recent study at the University of British Columbia found that longtime couples were best able to rekindle romance by pretending they were strangers on a first date.10 That’s likely because newness and novelty trigger the release of powerful brain chemicals called dopamine and norepinephrine, both of which play a key role in sexual arousal. A saucy costume and a new, one-night-only persona can give these neurotransmitters—and your love life—a boost.

HE PLAN: Whether you’ve been invited to a costume party or simply plan to stay home and hand out candy all night, Halloween is the perfect opportunity for role-playing. Choose your disguise: it could be as simple as a dress or shirt and tie and a mask or as ornate as an authentic Marie Antoinette costume. Don’t neglect tried and true role-playing scenarios: cop and criminal, working girl and client, doctor or nurse and patient, student and teacher, and Snow White and Prince Charming all provide plenty of sexy fodder. Next, develop an identity to go with your getup. Is your new persona sexier, shyer, bolder than your real self? If you’re dressed as a vampire, maybe you’re mysterious and seductive. If you’re princess, perhaps you’re elegant and demure. If you’re a cowboy, you might be tough and

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aggressive. Look at this role-playing experiment as, well, playing a role. While you’re celebrating at the party or waiting for more trick-ortreaters, engage in some shameless flirting with your partner. Exchange fake names, and begin chatting. Buy or prepare them a drink. Let your hand linger on their thigh. Feed them a piece of chocolate—all while maintaining smoldering eye contact. Imagine that you’re both completely new to each other. Don’t assume that intimacy will be guaranteed. Make yourselves work for it. When the party is over or the kids have retired for the night, move things to your bedroom and continue using your new identities to act out a sexy fantasy. Will you become a willing victim of a sultry vampire? Are you ready to seduce the princess to win her heart? Can your hunky cowboy capture more than a steer? Use your imaginations and revel in the unknown.

Tips for Date Night Success n Halloween itself can be busy for some couples, especially if you’re parents. Set aside a few hours at night or even in the afternoon, get a sitter or send your kids to a friend’s house, and enjoy your own private costume party for two. n Tailor the level of your costume’s sex appeal to your audience. Interacting with trick-or-treaters? Keep it classy. At an adults-only party? Go sassier but not over the top. Home alone with your partner? Let loose!

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THANKSGIVING Perhaps no holiday is more packed with as much stress as Thanksgiving. From travel, to family, to menu planning, it hardly seems ripe for romance. Many of us either visit and stay with relatives or host our own guests for the holiday, which makes it easy to understand why most people are more content snoozing on the couch after dinner rather than getting busy. When you’ve prepared—and then devoured—an entire feast, sex is likely the last thing on your mind. But Thanksgiving actually presents some exciting challenges for getting closer with your partner. Maybe the two of you are sleeping in your old bedroom at your parent’s house—how hot would it be to engage in some adolescent groping and covert nooky? Or perhaps you’ve got guests staying with you. Can you sneak in some oh-sosilent sex without being overheard? This holiday is full of opportunity and you don’t need to set aside a whole day or night—or even more than an hour—for sex. With a few key tricks, you can stay relaxed and make time to connect intimately with your partner.

Start the morning off right by giving each other a 30-second hug. As we mentioned earlier, that hug can increase your levels of oxytocin, giving you that warm, fuzzy feeling. As the day progresses, stay positive. Experts believe that the happiest couples have five positive interactions (like cuddling, kissing, or having upbeat conversations) for every one negative interaction (such as bickering). Continue to use the power of touch to keep oxytocin buzzing. Squeeze your partner’s butt as she’s bending over to check on the turkey. Touch her thigh or hold hands under the table. Slide your hands over his shoulders and give him a quick massage as he’s washing dishes. These moves needn’t be explicitly sexual, but they should show your partner that you appreciate them. If you have the opportunity, sneak away from the action for a few minutes and plant a languorous smooch on your partner’s lips. These actions may not take more than a few seconds, but they provide a break from the Thanksgiving chaos and allow you to keep in touch with your partner—literally—all day long.

HE PLAN: Similar to the winter holidays, let’s reframe Thanksgiving to make it a day that truly is about giving thanks— not just for your family, friends, and food, but for your love life, too! Think of it as an opportunity to engage in quick but quality mini-dates that take just a few minutes each but pay off big-time later on. It’ll also help you de-stress and enjoy the holiday even more, as well as help you keep perspective. The holiday is about family—the closest member of which should be your partner.

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Once your family has slipped into a food coma in front of the TV or turned in for the night, make your move. (Don’t surprised if you start feeling a bit frisky after dessert. Research has found that the aroma of pumpkin pie actually increases sexual arousal in 40 percent of men and 11 percent of women!11) Think about slipping away to your bedroom, the bathroom, or another spot where you’re unlikely to be disturbed, and engage in a speedy hookup. Rely on the noise from the televised football game to mask your moans of pleasure, or turn up a radio or run some water. If you’re visiting relatives, take advantage of nostalgia to turn you on. Who can deny the thrill of the forbidden when you make love in your childhood bedroom? Just be sure to the lock the door—the fantasy of being caught in the act is a lot hotter than the embarrassing reality.

Tips for Date Night Success n If you’re hosting the holiday, you’ve got plenty of opportunities to sneak a way for a moment: you’ve got to check on the turkey; the dog needs to be walked; you just have to run down to the basement for something.

Conclusion Congratulations! You’ve reach the end of Seasons of Love: A Holiday Passion Planner, from K-Y® Brand and Good in Bed. By now, you understand that holidays don’t just have to be a source of stress and anxiety. They’re also an excellent opportunity to reconnect with your partner emotionally, and to reignite your sexual intimacy, whether that means making sexy New Year’s resolutions, laughing together on April Fool’s Day, or sneaking in a passionate quickie after Thanksgiving dinner. After a full year of such fresh, sexy takes on special occasions, you and your partner should feel closer than ever. But you don’t have to limit the skills you’ve gained to these holidays only. Attending a friend’s wedding? Taking a summer road trip with your family? Enjoying some time off from work? View these times as fun challenges to plan special date nights and squeeze in quality time together. We hope you’ll keep returning to the exercises and activities you’ve learned here, to strengthen and spice up your love life, all year long.

n Don’t overindulge on dinner. From turkey to pie, the Thanksgiving spread is tempting, but you want to unbutton your pants for intimacy, not because you ate too much. n If you’re the guests, you’ll need a bit more creativity, but a day full of mini-dates is still doable. Brush against each other as you pass in the hallway; hold hands under the table; or snuggle together on the couch.

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EndNotes 1

Heiman JR, Long JS, Smith SN, et al. Sexual Satisfaction and Relationship Happiness in Midlife and Older Couples in Five Countries. Archives of Sexual Behavior 2011; 40(4): 741-753.

Lapin N. Sex Toy Sales Surge. CNBC.com July 21, 2011.

Fisher H. Why We Love (Henry Holt and Co., 2004)

The “Me-Covery”: Saatchi & Saatchi Wellness And Time Inc.’s Health Brand Reveal Historic Shift In Female Consumer Behavior. Timeinc.com. February 1, 2011.

Lauer RH, Lauer JC, Kerr ST. The long-term marriage: Perceptions of stability and satisfaction. International Journal of Aging & Human Development, 1990.

Bazzini DG, Stack ER, Martincin PD, Davis CP. The Effect of Reminiscing About Laughter on Relationship Satisfaction. Motivation and Emotion, 2007.

LePage M. Orgasms: a real “turn-off ” for women. NewScienticist.com. June 20, 2005.

Father’s Day Survey: Forget the tie, Dad wants sex. BabyCenter.com. June 2010.

10 Treating Longtime Partner Like A First Date Can Boost Morale And Well-being. University Of British Columbia. May 28, 2007. 11 Hirsch AR. Scent and Sexual Arousal. Medical Aspects of Human Sexuality, Vol. 1, No. 3. June, 1998; p. 9-12.

Dr. Hilda Hutcherson, M.D., is the Director of the Center for Sexual Health and a Clinical Professor of Obstetrics and Gynecology at Columbia University. She received her undergraduate degree from Stanford University and medical degree from Harvard Medical School. She is a frequent contributor for national outlets including NBC’s TODAY, Rachael Ray, Dr Oz, Essence, Glamour, and Redbook, where she writes a monthly sex health column. A contributor to several national publications, she is also the author of three bestselling books: Having Your Baby: A Guide for African American Women, What Your Mother Never Told You About Sex and Pleasure: A Woman’s Guide to Getting the Sex You Want Need and Deserve. She was recently named by Black Enterprise as one of America’s Leading Physicians, one of the Top Doctors in New York in the Castle Connolly Guide, and is included in the Best Doctors in America database.

Ian Kerner, PhD, is a sex therapist and NY Times best-selling author of books including She Comes First, He Comes Next and Be Honest, You’re Not that into Him Either, which have been translated into more than a dozen languages and have sold more than 500,000 copies in the US alone. Known for combining clinical insight with humor and personal warmth, Ian is a frequent guest on NBC’s TODAY Show, a Contributing Editor to Cosmopolitan Magazine, and CNN’s Sex Expert (for which his weekly web-stories are often the most popular of the day). An active member of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists, Ian often addresses issues that are common to the “American bedroom” but nonetheless lead to lives of quiet desperation. He is also the founder of Good in Bed, a new web destination for sex/relationship advice and brings together some of the world’s most renown sex experts. He was born and raised in NYC, where he lives with his wife, sons and toddler pit-bull. For more about Ian, please visit iankerner.com or goodinbed.com.

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