Moving Mum into Care, Barbara’s Story Choosing to move a parent into residential care is one of the toughest decisions you’ll ever have to make. Here, Barbara Frost tells her story of moving her mum, Maud in to Abbeyfield Kent’s Connors House in Canterbury. The day I moved mum into a residential home will stay with me forever, it was the worst day of my life. It was heartbreaking seeing her so frightened as I took her from her home in to a new place with new faces. This was undeniably one of the toughest decisions I’d ever have to make and I questioned myself over and over, was I doing the right thing? Would mum be happy here? For my entire life mum had cared for me and now there I was, making decisions about the rest of her life. It’s always difficult to describe your own parents but mum was just wonderful, she was extremely witty and was always making us laugh. She didn’t ask for much in life and was happy doing her knitting whilst watching the soaps. When her dementia developed and she wasn’t coping well at home alone, I knew I had to do something. I would have loved to try to look after mum in my home but unfortunately my top floor flat was unsuitable and my husband and I both worked full time so it just wasn’t feasible. From the moment I walked in to Connors House I felt it in my heart, this was the right place for mum. When you’re choosing a residential home you don’t need luxury apartments, cinema rooms or gymnasiums, you need somewhere that feels like home, where everyone knows one another and friendships are made. Connors House was instantly warm and inviting with a friendly cat roaming the corridor. The rooms were comfortable and staff were welcoming and kind, it ticked all the boxes so mum moved in. It wasn’t long before mum settled in and was making jokes with the staff and other residents. I worked close by in Canterbury so would visit mum on an almost daily basis, it never ceased to impress me how marvelous the staff were, not just with mum but with all the residents. What I hadn’t quite expected was how the home would become a significant part of my life as well as mum’s. I loved visiting and chatting with staff, residents and other relatives, they became our friends. I found comfort in knowing that when I left, mum was safe and well looked after but most of all she was happy, that was all I wanted. Staff at the home encouraged mum to continue knitting and she always looked forward to Bingo on Thursdays. Mum was always sociable but I’d go as far as to say the staff and her new friends at Connors House bought her out of her shell even more.
Of course it wasn’t always plain sailing, mum’s dementia meant she would sometimes wake confused in the night. The staff were always there whenever she needed them and when she awoke distressed they’d call me so I could either stop by or talk to her on the phone to calm her down. When mum developed pneumonia the support from the staff was faultless, mum spent a lot of time in and out of hospital and I was always notified instantly if anything happened. As mum lay in the hospital bed, her health deteriorating, she longed to be back at Connors House with her friends, joking and sharing stories. After three happy years at Connors House, mum couldn’t fight the pneumonia anymore and she passed away peacefully whilst in hospital. I don’t regret for a second choosing Connors House to care for mum, it wasn’t her own home but it certainly was the next best thing. It’s tough to explain the atmosphere at Connors House until you’ve been there, felt the compassion they provide and seen the work they do. Although mum doesn’t live there anymore, I’m looking forward to retiring and heading back in to Connors House to help out and spend time with the residents.