OUT OF BODY (AND MECHANICAL

Psycho Popcorn Man

by THOMAS GRECO, PUBLISHER

I have written about my love of popcorn many times in this space. It seems like I am on an everlasting search for the perfect popcorn. Allow me to recap:

I eat one meal a day, usually between 6:30pm and 9pm. Then around 2am, I treat myself to a snack. Being the picky spoiled baby I am, there are only four things that I choose for that snack, most of which my cardiologist would not sign off on. Coming in at number four are peanuts. You know, the salted ones that come with Mr. Peanut on the can. Number three is pistachio nuts. I used to love the red ones, but they always left my hands looking like they’d been dipped in red paint. I believe the brand we used to get when I was a kid was Skinners. They came in a plastic bag and were salty as hell. I don’t think I’ve had as good a pistachio since they went out of business. Number two on my snack list is Wise potato chips. Even though I enjoy Lays, I grew up with Wise, and they are still my favorite despite being inconsistent. (Every other bag tastes stale, which my dogs prefer since they end up getting most of it.) However, the snack that I rely on most nights is popcorn. I have gone through many types and brands over the years, but all the best ones seem to go out of business or change their recipe (that could be my imagination, but still). A few years ago, I found Boom Chicka Pop sea salt popcorn, which is my go-to snack when I’m lazy. Don’t get me wrong, it’s good popcorn, but it’s one of those “healthy” snacks. You know, the ones that usually taste like cardboard. Boom Chicka Pop doesn’t taste like cardboard exactly, but it does fall short of the kind of popcorn you might find at a movie theater. So, about a year ago, I set out on a journey to find the best popcorn maker that could duplicate the old days of great movie popcorn. I dove deep into Google to find the best way to cook it and what ingredients to purchase. After some solid research, I decided on the West Bend Stir Crazy Popcorn Machine, Orville Redenbacher’s Gourmet Popcorn Kernels, Gold Medal Flavacol Seasoning Popcorn Salt and Orville Redenbacher’s Popping & Topping Buttery Flavored Oil. (I messed up as usual on this order, and they sent me 36 bottles instead of one.)

I waited excitedly for my perfect popcorn plan to come to fruition. All the stuff arrived, and I was off. It took me a couple of times, but by the third batch, I was amazed. The popcorn was better than the movie theater’s! I knew I had hit the jackpot when the aroma woke up my son and he came down to grab a handful. I was in popcorn heaven. I had gotten the process from plugin to final kernel pop in about six minutes. And it was easy to clean! Of course, it didn’t last. Around August of this year, the popcorn maker started acting up. I would put in all the ingredients, and it would take 20 minutes to pop. Even then, only about a third of the kernels popped. One of the obstacles for someone who lives my lifestyle is that when there’s a problem, there’s no customer support at 2am. So, I took to my iPad and dashed off a letter to West Bend support. Four days later, I had not gotten a response. So, I emailed again. This time, they answered:

Thank you for reaching out to us. I’m sorry to hear that you experienced this, but don’t worry, I’m here to help. Kindly respond to this email with a photo of the PROOF OF PURCHASE of your machine so we can verify the warranty coverage. continued on pg. 24