2018 North Jersey Pride Guide by North Jersey Pride

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CONTENTS 6

E DI TO R ’ S LE T T ER

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10 14 20

G U I DE TO P R ID E MON T H Events Entertainers Award Recipients T H E B U R LE SQ U E BAL L Guests wore their finest for NJP’s fundraiser for LGBTQ youth. TA KI NG U P T HE F IG HT Gays Against Guns is determined to make a difference in the fight for gun control. By Jay W. Walker

T H E LE GACY O F SAK IA G U N N Her untimely death united a community in the wake of tragedy. By Gary Paul Wright

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CONTENTS

N J P R I D E M AGA Z I N E ED ITO R C.J. Prince D E SIGN Sarah Gifford CO PY ED IT ING Gary Hilbert COV ER A RT Jesse Reyes P HOTO GRA P HY Hollingsworth Digital Artistry Studios CO NT RIB U TO R S Gabriel Arkles Dorri Ramati SOMA Action Student Leadership Committee Jay W. Walker Gary Paul Wright 32

YO U T H ACT I V IS M Why inclusivity is so important. By the SOMA Action Student Leadership Committee

M A KI NG SPAC E IN #ME TO O The campaign to end sexual violence must include the experience of trans people. By Gabriel Arkles

O NE M OT H E R ’S JOU R N E Y TO P R ID E Her daughter’s coming out brought home the importance of standing up to bigotry. By Dorri Ramati

A ST R A I G H T , WHIT E , C ISG E N D ER R A BBI ’ S TA K E O N AL LYS HIP The voice of an ally is not the same voice as the one who’s been oppressed. By Rabbi Mike Moskowitz

B R E A KI NG T R AD IT IO N Even LGBTQ parents sometimes miss the point. By C.J. Prince

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NJ P RID E ST RAT E GIC CO M M IT T EE Tara Benigno (All-Around Player) Mel Commerchero (Pride Run Honcho) Anthony Desalis (Designated Hottee) Dillon Fernandes (Volunteer Wrangler) Jan Kaminsky (Kids Zone Overlord) Sharon Michaels (Stage Mistress) Kimberly Miller (Vendor Czar) C.J. Prince (Empress of Minutiae) STAY CO NNE CT ED www.northjerseypride.org facebook.com/NorthJerseyPride twitter.com/PrideinNJ instagram: @prideinnj The North Jersey Pride Guide is published for the gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, queer/ questioning, intersex and ally community by North Jersey Pride, Inc., P.O. Box 1195, Maplewood, NJ 07040, www.northjerseypride. org, info@northjerseypride.org. All rights reserved to contributors. Reproduction or reprinting in whole or in part without the permission of the publisher is prohibited. The opinions expressed herein do not necessarily represent the view of North Jersey Pride, Inc., a 501(c)3 nonprofit company.

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EDITOR’S NOTE

THIS YEAR’S THEME

RAINBOW RESISTANCE

I T ’ S P R I D E, RI G HT? We didn’t want to go negative.

But neither did we want to risk glossing over the harsh realities, the pain we all feel in the daily deluge of negative headlines that have forced so many of us to swear off the news this past year— for our own sanity. It is demoralizing to see so little compassion or direction from our nation’s leaders in the face of ongoing transphobia, misogyny, racism, xenophobia and violence. It’s exhausting, frankly—and yet we know we must stay engaged and remember always that the arc of history bends slowly. But it does ultimately, eventually, bend toward justice. Even in the face of all that would depress us, we hope this year’s PrideFest will put you in the mood to celebrate and to feel proud of the work being done on multiple fronts to make this world a better, safer place for all of us. You’ll be entertained by artists who are not only talented musicians, but activists in their own right. You will learn about the incredible work being done by Gays Against Guns, this year’s NJP Appreciation Award recipient, and you will meet this year’s Outstanding Ally Award winner, Rabbi Mike Moskowitz, who was willing to risk everything— his congregation, his friends, his security—in order to stand up and be counted as a trans ally. In our vendor court, you’ll have an opportunity to learn about over two dozen nonprofit organizations that are fighting the good fight.

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We also hope you’ll leave here today with an appreciation for the intersectionality among us and why there is so much strength in individual marginalized groups banding together. The LGBTQ Pride Festival is perhaps the best locus for that cross-section: we are the only minority whose members, in the main, are not born into a community of others like us. We exist in every other minority group, in every community, regardless of race, religion, gender, nationality, language, etc. Indeed, many of us hold dual minority status—sometimes more—and we understand the challenges of straddling two worlds as well as the importance of finding balance and wholeness. This day should remind us that we’re never alone. If all goes according to plan, by the time the tents are packed and the stage dismantled, you will be unable to keep from feeling hopeful, as you look around at a beautifully diverse community of thousands, all of whom, regardless of background or identity, have chosen kindness over cruelty, unity over enmity, tolerance over bigotry, and above all, love. Happy Pride! C.J. Prince Executive Director North Jersey Pride

Thank you, North Jersey Pride

for the work you do to support our LGBTQ Youth! We are proud to support you and proud to be residents and REALTORS® in this community for over 15 years.

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OUR CHOCOLATE HAS NO GENDER! K&C CANDY tempers only the finest belgian chocolate for our confections, using natural ingredients and flavors in everything we create. Our mouthwatering morsels are brought to you by Kat Grigg and Christine Corrado, lifelong chocoholics, who are proud to be supporting LG B TQ youth tonight!

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PREMIER SPONSOR

THANK YOU 2018 SPONSORS

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GUIDE TO PRIDE MONTH

EVENTS NORTH JERSEY PRIDE RUN & BRUNCH S U N DAY J U N E 3 R D @ 9 A M

Run/walk for equality, respect and acceptance for all! Pride Month kicks off with our annual 5K, a certified course that takes runners around Grove Park and through the shady streets of Montrose. Families, dogs, and walkers welcome! Kids’ Races start at 10am. Celebratory brunch at South Mountain Tavern at 11am. RE GIST ER F O R R UN AT : R UN SIG NUP. CO M /R ACE/NJ/SO U T HO RA NGE/ NO RT HJER SEYPR IDER UN

S O M A E Q UA L I T Y M A R C H S U N DAY J U N E 3 R D @ 2 P M

The second annual SOMA Equality March will begin with a rally and speakers at Farrell Field on Walton Avenue in South Orange. Participants will then march approximately 1.5 miles through South Orange and Maplewood to Maplewood Town Hall, where the rally portion will continue, with speakers and the ceremonial raising of the rainbow Pride flag. FA RRELL F IEL D (ACR OS S F R O M ) 361 Matt Peyton Photography

WA LTO N AVEN UE, SO UT H O RA NGE; F REE

PRIDE NIGHT OUT M O N DAY J U N E 4 T H @ 8 P M

Join us for cocktails and conversation at our annual Pride party! Pride menu, specialty drinks and cash bar at happy hour prices all night long. CO DA KITCHEN + BAR, 177 M A P L EWO O D AV ENU E, M A PLEWO O D; FR EE

P R I D E D R AG S H OW F R I DAY J U N E 8 T H @ 8 P M

Come out for an evening of fun, feminism and celebration. It’s Vanguard Theater Company’s Second Annual Drag Show in collaboration with North Jersey Pride. This year’s theme— #FierceFeminists—is all about putting the power back in the P*! BUR G D O R FF CEN T ER F O R T HE PERF O RM ING A RTS, 10 D U RA ND R OA D, M A PLEWO O D. T IX: $ 40 D O O R/$35 A DVA NCE (D RAGV TC. BR OWNPA PERT ICKETS. CO M )

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LGBTQ

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GUIDE TO PRIDE MONTH

EVENTS N O RT H J E R S E Y P R I D E F E S T I VA L S U N DAY J U N E 1 0 T H @ 1 2 – 6 P M

“Built for grownups, cool for kids,” the North Jersey Pride Festival is an event that brings together LGBTQ and straight ally attendees from all over the state to celebrate diversity, equality and love. Live main stage, Rainbow Kids Zone with interactive kids’ stage, five-star food court, 90+ vendors, raffles and more. All are welcome! M EM O RIA L PA R K A M PHIT HEAT ER, 166 D U NNEL L R OA D , M A PLEWO O D; FR EE

N E V E R M Y S O N : A PA R E N T ’ S P E R S P E CT I V E T H U R S DAY J U N E 1 4 T H @ 7 : 3 0 – 9 P M

A conversation with Kathryn Flynn and her teenage transgender daughter, Brenna, about their journey through transition. Q&A to follow. UNITA R IA N UNIVER SA LIST CO NGRE GAT IO N O F M O NTCL A IR, 67 CHUR CH ST R EET , M O N TCL A IR

L AT I N P R I D E N I G H T F R I DAY J U N E 1 5 T H @ 7 : 3 0 P M

Somos SOMA Latinos and North Jersey Pride have teamed up to bring you Latin Pride Night! Funds raised will be donated to the “Salto Project,” supporting LGBTQ people emigrating from Venezuela due to the humanitarian crisis. T HE WO O D L A ND PA RLO R R O O M , 60 WO O DL A ND R OA D, M AP L EWO O D . T IX : $30 D O O R/ $25 A DVA N CE ( O NE. BIDPA L. NET / L AT INDA NCE).

R A D FA M I LY S C E N I C H I K E S U N DAY J U N E 2 4 T H @ 1 0 P M

Join RAD Family for a fun outing with friends! We’ll meet up at the Delaware Water Gap National Recreation Area, do an intermediate level hike to a scenic overlook and then have a picnic lunch at the top. BYO LUNCH! FREE; M U ST R SVP F O R EX ACT LO CAT IO N. EM A IL R A DKIDS@N O RT HJER SEYPRID E. O R G.

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CONGRATULATIONS TO N O R T H J E R S E Y P R I D E !

FROM ALL YOUR FRIENDS AT BETH EL Congregation Beth El is a member organization org of the Big Tent Judaism Coalition of inclusive communities, and welcomes people of all ages and backgrounds to join us on our journey—learned or novice, born Jewish or living Jewishly, single or partnered, gay or straight, seeking prayer or seeking community.

Thelma K. Reisman Preschool • Jewish Learning Center

Eliot Lee Hazel Photography

GUIDE TO PRIDE MONTH

ENTERTAINERS

WRA B E L ’s songs have been heard by millions

of people around the world. His most recent EP, We Could Be Beautiful was nominated for a GLAAD Media Award. Wrabel specializes in music that telescopes small moments into songs with big impact. “The Village” is a heartbreaking piece about the struggle of trans youth that he was inspired to write just after Trump removed federal protections for trans students in public schools. Wrabel has also co-written with numerous artists, including Adam Lambert, Phillip Phillips, Ellie Goulding, Pentatonix, Idina Menzel and most recently, he co-wrote the song “Woman” from Kesha’s new album, Rainbow.

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In 2016, Wrabel wrote a new song with Alex Hope, “11 Blocks.” When L.A. Reid, CEO of Epic Records, heard it, he wanted to meet with the artist immediately. “The first time I met L.A., he called me a ‘singer-songwriter,’” Wrabel says. “I almost cried. Because I sit down and play piano for a reason. And I spent so long trying to push away from that.” Things then happened quickly. “I spent my whole life thinking, ‘Am I ready? Am I ready for my career? Am I ready for this session? This meeting? To play a show?,” he says. “But I realize now that I decide when I’m ready. It’s not like you take a test, and you’re ready. You just say—I’m ready.”

We create chemistry with PRIDE At BASF, we take PRIDE in supporting ALLchemie, our LGBTQ and Allies Employee Resource Group, and serving as an annual supporter of North Jersey Pride. Find out how you can come create chemistry with us! www.basf.com/careers

GUIDE TO PRIDE MONTH

Born and raised in Miami to Honduran parents, KA R INA IGL E S IAS ’s sound mirrors the diverse musical and cultural influences that have shaped her character and forged her individuality as an artist. With a style equally informed by rhythm & blues, boleros, gospel and hip-hop, Karina delivers her performances with the intimacy of a deep soul crooner and the conviction of a dauntless female singer/ songwriter. In 2013, Karina was selected to be a top contestant on NBC’s “The Voice.” Her epic performance of “It’s a Man’s Man’s Man’s World” became a YouTube sensation overnight. With her highly-focused artistic vision and rich cultural background Karina has showcased her innovation and heralds a much-needed return to the authenticity of pure soul music. “Raw,” “honest,” and “heart-wrenching” are the words used to describe the music of JOHN AT HAN C E L E ST IN . Critics refer to Celestin’s breakout EP, “And Then the Rolling Stone Fell in Love,” as a no-holds-barred performance that is worthy of a Grammy and his debut music video, “12 Steps,” has accumulated over 200,000 views. In 2017, Celestin recorded the single “Quicksand” (produced by Nicholas Wright) and will take this title and others with him on his World Tour this coming summer. Celestin is an openly queer artist, who hopes to spread not only love and solidarity to marginalized voices, but also an increased visibility. R A NGE A CAP P ELLA is a NYC-based group comprised of artists

working in various facets of the entertainment industry and on Broadway. Since forming in 2014, RANGE has been featured on Nickelodeon, Sesame Street, E! Live from the Red Carpet: Countdown to the 87th Academy Awards, and Billboard. They performed onstage at Radio City Music Hall with Kelly Clarkson as a part of her most recent “Piece by Piece” tour, as well as at the Highline Ballroom, 54 Below, and Joe’s Pub. For more information visit www.rangeacappella.com. SCOT T NEVIN S is best known for being one of the breakout stars and

Cedric Terrell

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original cast members of Bravo TV’s series “The People’s Couch,” and truTV’s hit show “truTV Presents: World’s Dumbest . . .” Scott has appeared on national TV on NBC, FOX, Bravo, CNN International, HLN, truTV, The Style Network, Fuse TV and LOGO and has hosted several red carpet events for TV Land. He received high praise for his work as the cohost of “The Ann Walker Show with Scott Nevins” (UBN Radio), as a fill-in host on Sirius Satellite Radio and KNews Radio and most recently as a political contributor for NewNowNext.com.

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GUIDE TO PRIDE MONTH

From the swamps of Brazil to the Bayous of New Orleans through the streets of NYC, MA R ACAT U NEW YO R K is dedicated to the performance and knowledge of traditional Maracatu de Baque Virado and other musical styles from the Northeast of Brazil, while fusing these rhythms with New Orleans Second Line and funk. You might say that NALA NI & SA R INA were born in stereo: they’re identical mirror twins. Nalani plays her guitar right-handed; Sarina is a lefty. When they’re both singing and strumming, it feels like the song has come to greet the listener with arms wide open. “We’ll Be Free,” the standout cut from Scattered World, is a bold statement made on behalf of LGBTQ equality. In a pop landscape largely bereft of Asian-American voices, these two audacious young artists have developed a distinctive blend of traditionalist soul-rock and modern pop and their stylistic alchemy is likely to keep their faces in the spotlight for years to come. HAR MON ICA SU N B EAM , the Queen of Comedy, has been delighting

audiences throughout the U.S. and abroad for over 27 years. Her live appearances have gained her a cult following of all ages, races and backgrounds. A member of the Screen Actors Guild, her film credits include “Honey,” with Jessica Alba, “Uptown Girls,” with Brittany Murphy and the Oliver Stone drama, “World Trade Center.” She has also worked alongside noted musical artists such as Beyonce, Mary J. Blige, Jennifer Holliday, and Katy Perry. Miss Sunbeam’s latest project is showcasing her unique ability to uplift, encourage and engage children. As a host of DR AG Q U E E N STO RY H O U R , she reads to kids of all ages at libraries, bookstores, festivals and other events. DragQueen Story Hour encourages children to relate to both gender neutrality and non-conformity, while promoting positive LGBTQ role models. The talented SHADINA B has performed on BET’s 106 & PARK and at Madison Square Garden, The House of Blues, The Apollo, Artscape, Capitol Mall, Six Flags Great Adventure, Ohio State Univeristy, Howard University, Radio One Stone Soul Picnic, Staples Center, Verizon Center and many more. She also has performed at Prides all around the world: Cleveland, Brooklyn, DC, Baltimore, Tuscan, Phoenix, Long Island, Palm Springs, Tampa, Fort Lauderdale, El Paso Texas, Canada, Jersey Pride and is proud to be center stage at North Jersey Pride.

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EVERY YEAR, 1,800 ESSEX COUNTY CHILDREN WONDER WHEN THEY’LL BE HOME. Last night, strangers removed Darius from his home. Today, he woke up in an unfamiliar place, fearful he’ll be kicked out because he’s gay. Darius has entered foster care, and he’s more likely to face discrimination or abuse than his straight peers. Fortunately, Darius has been assigned a Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA), a caring volunteer who’ll accept him for who he is and fight for his right to be treated with dignity.

You can make a difference in the life of a vulnerable foster child by becoming a CASA Volunteer Advocate. Learn how at www.casaessex.org/volunteer. C ASA for Children of Essex County | 212 Washington Street | Room 912 Newark, NJ 07102 | Phone: (973) 622-1110 | Email: info@casaessex.org

GUIDE TO PRIDE MONTH

The PA P ER MILL P LAYHOU SE B R OA DWAY S H OW C H O IR is a tuition-free, audition-based performance show choir that stems from Paper Mill Playhouse’s award-winning Arts Education and Outreach programs. Over the past five seasons, the 60-member choir has delighted more than 350,000 people across the region with rousing renditions of Broadway, pop and classics at prestigious venues including MetLife Stadium, Lincoln Center, Sun Arena, Mayo Center, Bergen PAC, NJPAC, and SOPAC, among others. The Paper Mill Playhouse Broadway Show Choir is sponsored by Overlook Medical Center. Performance by members of the cast (Sarah Wolf, Jack Dossett, Kathryn Stathakis, Cordel Provilon ) of Columbia High School’s hit production of H A IR S P R AY. The musical which ran for six performances in March, earned show runners Tricia Benn and Bethany Pettigrew, along with cast and crew, enthusiastic accolades all around. Noelle Harteveld Photography

2018 AWARD RECIPIENTS The 2018 Outstanding Ally Award Rabbi Mike Moskowitz is the Scholar-in-Residence for Trans and Queer Jewish Studies at Congregation Beit Simchat Torah. He has three Ultra-Orthodox ordinations and is working on a doctorate in Talmud at Jewish Theological Seminary. Rabbi Moskowitz writes extensively at the intersection of trans issues and Jewish thought and is a vocal advocate for radical inclusivity. His writings can be found at https://www.rabbimikemoskowitz.com/resources.

The 2018 NJP Appreciation Award Gays Against Guns is an inclusive direct action group of LGBTQ people and their allies committed to nonviolently breaking the gun industry’s chain of death—investors, manufacturers, the NRA and politicians who block safer gun laws. New York-based, GAG NY works with chapters around the country to ensure safety for all individuals, particularly vulnerable communities such as people of color, women, people who struggle with mental health issues, LGBTQ people and religious minorities. GAG condemns white supremacy, all instances of excessive force by police, and police militarization.

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Protect and preserve the life you’ve built together. In these uncertain times, protect yourself and the ones you love. Look to Singer & Fedun for expert legal counsel. We specialize in the issues that shape your life, including estate and life planning and all types of family formation and protection.

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THE BURLESQUE BALL

Hollingsworth Digital Artistry Studios

Hundreds turned out for North Jersey Pride’s annual winter event benefiting RAD Family, NJP’s support network for gender-fluid youth and their families.

Hollingsworth Digital Artistry Studios

THE BURLESQUE BALL

TAKING UP THE FIGHT By Jay W. Walker

JU N E 12T H OF T H IS Y E A R M A R KS the second

anniversary of the Pulse, Orlando massacre. Four days later, the 16th, will mark the second anniversary of the day that Kevin Hertzog, John Grauwiler and Brian Worth called a meeting at the NYC LGBT Center which led to the formation of Gays Against Guns. What began as a community’s grieving response to an unimaginable tragedy striking in one of our sacred spaces quickly became a movement. Within the first three months of our existence, we would define who we were and what we wanted in no uncertain terms. We would be direct action activists. We would name, blame and shame the links in the chain of death that begins with firearms manufacturers and the investment banking firms that prop up their finances; the National Rifle Association, their chief propagandist and marketing firm; and the elected who allow the cash from the firearms industry that the NRA showers on their campaigns to control their votes. We call them “NRA Puppets.” We would be inspired by the theatricality and pointed outrageousness that had made ACT-UP change the face of healthcare. We would also borrow from the strong organizational structure and strategic thinking that we saw in the fight for marriage equality. From day one, we have been fortunate enough to have the wisdom and experience of people like long-time ACT-UP activist, Ken Kidd, and the emeritus chair of 26

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Marriage Equality New York, Catherine MarinoThomas, as crucial members at the heart of GAG. We also had wonderful activists who had been a part of the Gun Violence Prevention (GVP) movement before Pulse and folks who were moved by their own experiences with gun violence. We decided that we needed to be proactive in our activism. We would commit to public demonstrations when the news cycle wasn’t focused on gun violence, when none of any given week’s mass shootings – and there are mass shootings every week – were enough to garner national headlines or even prompt chyrons to float across cable news screens. And we would remember the fallen through the human beings who we made present at almost all our actions: dressed in white and veiled, each would hold the space on earth for a single person lost to gun violence. The Human Beings were the heartchildren of James “Tigger” Ferguson, who curated the first Human Beings in GAG’s 2016 NYC Pride March debut, exactly two weeks after Pulse. Finally, there would be glitter. Lots of glitter. In the two years since that Pride March, our nation has seen the 49 dead and 52 wounded at Pulse, at the time the deadliest single mass shooting, move to second place behind the 59 killed and estimated 515 wounded in Las Vegas.

And we have seen the rise of a president, who received $30 million from the NRA. We have seen 14 high school students and three faculty gunned down in Parkland Florida and the galvanizing moment that swept our country as a result. Where any of this will go is anyone’s guess, but we feel the wind at our backs. Over the past two years, we have seen GAG chapters crop up across the nation, now at 10 and growing. We have also begun to demonstrate outside of gun shows—a first for the GVP movement. The one thing that we can be certain of is that Gays Against Guns will be a part of this larger movement. We will provide a space for any members of our LGBTQ communities and our allies to join us in our direct-action approach to the GVP movement. We will serve as a resource to people anywhere in the world who want to create their own GAG chapter. We will serve as a support to the Parkland kids and the movement that they have inspired and we will continue to work with the more established GVP groups where it makes sense and where our brand of activism will have the strongest impact. Join us in our fight at www.gaysagainstguns.net. JAY W. WA LKER is an organizer for the activist groups Gays Against Guns and Rise and Resist, as well as The Reclaim Pride Coalition. N O RT H J E R S E Y P R I D E 2 0 1 8

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PRIDE MONTH

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THE LEGACY OF SAKIA GUNN By Gary Paul Wright

FIVE YEA R S AG O, C O M M E M O R AT ING the 10-year

anniversary of the murder of 15-year-old lesbian Sakia Gunn, I wrote a guest column in The StarLedger, entitled “Remembering the Murder of Sakia Gunn, and Newark’s Lost Opportunity.” In the piece, I mentioned the lack of support that Newark’s LGBTQ community had received, up to this point in time, from our city leaders. Yet again. I was referring to promises made in 2004 by then-Mayor Sharpe James, who told us that there would soon be a center for gay and lesbian kids. But by 2013, those promises still had gone unfulfilled, albeit under a different mayor. While I wasn’t putting the blame solely on Mayor Cory A. Booker, it was his administration that I was shaking my finger at. To this day, I’m not sure the administration took it that way, but I put it out there. Upon revisiting the whole situation, now on the 15-year anniversary of Sakia’s death, I realize now that I, too, missed an opportunity. I should have focused on the legacy of Sakia Gunn. Her untimely death at the hands of people whose advances she spurned united a community in the wake of the tragedy. Ten years after that fateful night, a march was held in her honor through the streets of downtown Newark, ending at what was then the LIT Social Justice Center on Halsey Street, where

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Nathan James/GMB News

it was transformed into the Sakia Gunn Memorial Social Justice Center for the day, but ultimately turning into the Newark LGBTQ Community Center, under the leadership of Pastor Janyce Jackson-Jones. Sakia’s legacy includes the formation of the Newark Pride Alliance and helped spearhead the creation of the City of Newark’s LGBTQ Commission, the Essex County Executive’s LGBTQ Advisory Board, and more importantly, Newark Pride. Growing in numbers every year since it was founded just two years after Sakia’s death, Newark Pride is a week-long celebration with activities for every palate, culminating in the Parade and Festival. It must be noted that Sakia’s story does not remain in Newark these days; she has been celebrated worldwide through various media. “She Likes Girls” was written by local playwright Chisa Hutchinson in 2009. It was later workshopped and eventually premiered at the New Ohio Theater in Manhattan. Most recently, in 2013, the play was staged at NJPAC, directed by Newark legend Rodney Gilbert. There was also the musical “This One Girl’s Story” in 2011, produced for the New York Music Festival. And filmmaker Charles B. Brack created the documentary “Dreams Deferred: The Sakia Gunn Film Project,” which made its debut

in 2008. (There was talk in Newark about the possibility of an LGBTQ-centered high school to be named in her honor, but it never came to fruition.) I can honestly say that the legacy of Sakia Gunn will never be lost to those of us who woke up that Sunday morning in May—Mother’s Day, in fact—to hear about the murder of a teenager at the corner of Broad and Market Streets in downtown Newark. It was the birth of LGBTQ activism in our city, and we will never look back. We will keep her memory alive. GA RY PAU L WR IGH T is executive director of the African American Office of Gay Concerns in Newark.

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YOUTH ACTIVISM

WHY INCLUSIVITY IS SO IMPORTANT By the SOMA Action Student Leadership Committee

I N C LU S IV I TY AND I NTERS E CT IONALIT Y have

governed the way we, the SOMA Action Student Leadership Committee, have worked towards making change. Our actions, as a student led, adult supported group, have always been with equality and inclusion in mind. In connection with the “March for our Lives” movement, we organized local rallies and a Town Hall with elected officials to discuss gun violence and how to protect our communities. Working on gun control made us even more aware of the importance of inclusivity. Gun control is an issue that disproportionately impacts communities of color and LGBTQ individuals. According to the Human Rights Campaign, in 2017 at least 28 transgender individuals, mostly women of color, were killed with a gun or other violent means. These stories did not make front pages or spark a nationwide debate. Their voices, and the voices of their communities, were marginalized. In 2016, 49 members of the LGBTQ community were killed in the infamous Orlando Pulse Nightclub Shooting. Once again, the nation watched as LGBTQ people of color were targeted by senseless violence. The communities that need change the most are often not included in mainstream movements.

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This is fundamentally wrong. By fighting for change, we have learned that violence against one group sets us all back. Without including at-risk individuals and communities in our fight, we will never truly be able to eradicate gun violence and other issues. As students and young people growing up in America, we are a major target for every intersection of prejudice. It is up to us to speak out, and speak up for those who don’t have a voice in mainstream media. This includes supporting LGBTQ youth, young people of color, and religious minorities. Creating inclusive spaces inside and outside of the classroom is essential for allowing everyone to be heard. We encourage all students to keep standing up for inclusivity and justice and we urge people not to forget that we play a role in the future of activism. If you or a young person you know is interested in contacting the SOMA Action Student Leadership Committee, you can reach the group at somaactionstudents@gmail.com or via Instagram: @somaactionstudents. The co-chairs of the S O M A ACT IO N ST U D E NT LEADER SHIP COMM IT T E E are Lily Forman, Laila Gold, Phoebe Hill, Olivia Hirsh, Claire Lipkin and Zoe Newman.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU’VE HAD A MEDICAL TEAM THAT SPECIALIZES IN YOU? We are thrilled to announce our move to the Jockey Hollow Professional Building at the junction of Bernardsville, Harding and Morristown. It is our goal to incorporate the best of health and emotional care in an LGBTIQ2- and straight-affirming office regardless of race, gender, orientation or health issue. We are comfortable and fluent in Transitional Hormone Therapy, PREP, PEP and Family Relational Issues. Dr. Tom Ziering will manage health care and medications for all communities and families (traditional and LGBTIQ2). Tom is a board-certified physician of over 30 years and has been the Director of LGBTIQ2 Medicine for Summit Medical Group and an Associate Professor of Family Medicine at both Robert Wood Johnson Medical School and Rutgers University. He has numerous accolades including “Top Doc” and Most Empathic Physician in Family Practice. Alex Wieselman, EdS, will see patients for individual, couples and family therapy. Alex has been named in Psychology Today and Who’s Who, and is a lecturer, mentor and first responder to crisis management outside of the office. Bentley, our Therapy Dog, has been trained and certified as both a therapy dog and emotional support dog by the USAR & USDR. We have selected our new office in a quiet, peaceful setting and have designed it to have a “spa sense” of relaxation, with the hope of creating an oasis of safety and healthy, unhurried, practical and holistic service for all families and individuals. THOMAS S. ZIERING, MD • ALEX WIESELMAN, EDS • BENTLEY, THERAPY DOG 1401 MT KEMBLE AVENUE, SUITE 2D, MORRISTOWN-HARDING, NJ 07960 908.221.1919 • WWW.DRTOMZIERING.COM

MAKING SPACE IN #METOO By Gabriel Arkles

CA M PA IG NS L I K E # M ETO O and #TimesUp have

brought sexual harassment to the forefront of the national conscience like never before. But the conversation hasn’t been as inclusive as it should be. The movement must do more to reflect the voices and needs of the transgender community, a demographic that consistently gets overlooked despite facing sexual violence at staggering rates. Although you wouldn’t know it from mainstream advocacy campaigns, trans people have long been involved in efforts to stop genderbased violence. We are also among the most vulnerable to this violence. Based on a recent survey, more than one in three trans women and one in two trans men have been sexually assaulted—and the rates of sexual assault against non-binary people are even higher. Trans people of color are disproportionately affected by sexual violence. So are trans people

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who have done sex work, who have been homeless, and who have disabilities. Many trans survivors face painful barriers when they seek visibility or support. “[T]here are femmes and black trans women out there who are doing the work to survive and to live, and some of them are screaming ‘Me too’ from the ground that they’ve just been beaten up on,” says Jari Jones, a black trans femme actress and photographer, in a video interview. “Some of them are screaming ‘Me too’ from the hospital that they’re laying in. And some of them can’t scream because they’re dead.” KC Clements, a non-binary trans writer who has survived sexual assault, notes that trans people’s experiences often are not reflected in advocacy campaigns. “We need to be recognized as an especially vulnerable population, as well as an especially fierce,

beautiful, and empowered community,” they said in an op-ed for HuffPost. Violence against trans people takes diverse forms. For example, some trans people are perceived as cisgender women or girls, and thus get targeted in the same way as women or girls who are not trans. Other times, trans people get specifically targeted for being trans. Trans people are also more likely than people in the general public to work in high-risk occupations. For example, roughly one in five trans people has served in the military, where service members encounter high rates of sexual violence according to HuffPost and CNN. Also, a little more than one in ten trans people has done sex work. Sex workers face high risk of sexual violence and barriers to reporting such violence, according to HuffPost and Time.

When trans people do seek support, we often face hostility or inappropriate assumptions about gender, bodies and violence. Some have been turned away for services because their voices were too deep. When they called a hotline the listener could not believe they were survivors rather than perpetrators. Some have been told by their therapists or loved ones that no survivor of sexual assault could really be trans. Some trans people of color, like Eisha Love and Ky Peterson, have been prosecuted when they defended themselves from their attackers. Love was held in prison for three years and nine months over an incident that occurred while fleeing a hostile group of men, while Peterson is still serving a 20-year sentence for killing his rapist in self-defense. It’s not hard to see why many are simply too scared to speak out at all. “I’ve often felt like

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I couldn’t discuss my experiences with sexual harassment and assault because I’ve witnessed the difficulty that even cisgender women face when they disclose,” says Raquel Willis, national organizer for the Transgender Law Center, in an op-ed for INTO. “My transness, queerness, and blackness render my claims even less believable in a society that views me as inherently deviant.” Despite these barriers, trans people, cis women, and others have been organizing to tackle sexual violence and support each other for a long time. We have called on cis men to unlearn sexism. We have created and contributed to events, anthologies and art projects that break the silence about violence against us. We have organized to support those criminalized for survival and sued government officials about rape in prison. We have formed organizations, support groups and helplines where no means for support existed before. We have fought back against the myth of trans people committing sexual assault in restrooms. And we have advocated for policies that support survivors and defend reproductive freedom. We still have a long way to go. To get there, trans people must also be heard when we say, “Me too.” GA B RI E L ARKL E S is a Senior Staff Attorney with ACLU LGBT & HIV Project. To learn more about sexual harassment on the job, visit aclu.org.

BEARING THE BRUNT More than one in three trans women and one in two trans men have been sexually assaulted— and the rates of sexual assault against non-binary people are even higher. According to the most recent U.S. Transgender Survey, conducted by the National Center for Transgender Equality, respondents— who number more than 27,000 trans individuals across the 50 states and U.S. territories—experience harassment and violence at shockingly high rates. Some findings from the survey include: • Nearly half (46%) of respondents were verbally harassed in the past year because of being transgender. • Nearly one in ten (9%) respondents were physically attacked in the past year because of being transgender. • Nearly half (47%) of respondents were sexually assaulted at some point in their lifetime and one in ten (10%) were sexually assaulted in the past year. Respondents who have done sex work (72%), those who have experienced homelessness (65%), and people with disabilities (61%) were more likely to have been sexually assaulted in their lifetime. • More than half (54%) experienced some form of intimate partner violence, including acts involving coercive control and physical harm. • Nearly one-quarter (24%) have experienced severe physical violence by an intimate partner, compared to 18% in the U.S. population.

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ONE MOTHER’S JOURNEY TO PRIDE By Dorri Ramati

T HE F IRST TI M E I HEARD THE WOR D ‘ GAY’ was

in 4th grade. The mean group of boys that dominated our class used it like a weapon against another boy, Andrew. Tall and lanky, quiet and smart—Ricky and Jimmy and Robbie and Greg beat Andrew down with their words, their immaturity, their ignorance. And though I didn’t know the meaning of the word ‘gay’ just yet, I knew enough to understand that those boys used that word ‘gay’ in a mocking way; that they meant to hurt him. If Andrew was offended, scared by their words—he didn’t show it. Day after day, he ignored their taunts and quietly went on with his work, pretending that we all hadn’t heard what we all had heard. His armor was aloofness. Mine was silence. “Hey Andrew! Are you gay and deaf?” yelled Ricky and Jimmy, Robbie and Greg. “Look at that picture. Even his artwork is gay!” Their cackling echoed as the class—as I stayed silent—afraid, head lowered, foolishly permitting those boys and their words to have their own stage. I allowed myself only one small glance at Andrew—his head bowed, tears streaming down his face—the boys had succeeded in cracking his armor. Mine, still intact. If only I had understood the power of solidarity. If only I had found my voice and knew how to use it. I was reminded of this long-buried memory years later, when our fourth-grade daughter, Jaya, 38

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was being bullied at her school in Hong Kong while we were living overseas. Never one to follow the crowd, Jaya has always quietly, firmly, followed her own path. In her small class, with only six other girls, her individualism made her an easy target. “Loser” and “bitch” were the insults whispered to her in the hallway. Loud enough to injure but quiet enough to avoid detection. Eventually the girls’ bullying evolved from outward aggression to complete omission— a more effective weapon against girls their age. Our daughter Jaya had become invisible. “No one at school cares if I am there or not,” she sobbed in my arms on Mother’s Day of that year. “They don’t care if I live or die. I’m so lonely.” Heart aching, a quiet “I’m sorry” was all I could manage. Though my contempt ran deep for the girls who made my daughter’s life hell, I also resented the other girls, the bystanders, who remained silent, enabling those girls to bully my daughter. But most of all, I felt shame and anger at myself for doing the exact same thing to Andrew so many years before. And so, I advocated for Jaya as best I could— I wrote letters, convened meetings and willed my voice into action. Seeking forgiveness with my every word. Slowly, Jaya began to heal. Not by staying invisible; but by talking. Talking to adults when

needing support; talking back to those girls who tried to keep her down; but most importantly, talking kindly to herself and taking control away from the bullies—bringing it back to herself. The armor I wanted for her would be one of words. When Jaya came out to us a year ago, she did it in a letter. An ordinary plain white-lined piece of paper, left haphazardly on my chronically cluttered desk. Her neat handwriting catching my eye. How long had it been there? A week? Two? Was she ok? I felt a panic rise up inside me. And there, between the lines of that paper was my redemption. My almost 14-year-old daughter had used the most simplistic of words to explain to us who she was, without shame, without fear, without needing to do more than just share it. The word ‘gay’ had touched my life again, repossessed, into something good, something positive, embodied by one of the people I love most in the world. Here, after so many years, was my chance at solidarity. To use my voice, as mother and advocate. I wanted to buy a rainbow flag to hang at the front of our house. I wanted us to march in the Pride Parade. I wanted Jaya to join the LGBTQ Club at Columbia . . . . I wanted us to tell Grandma! I turned to my gay friends for guidance. “Give her space,” they said. “Let her show you the way.” And of course, they were right. My enthusiasm for my confident, young teenage daughter, also held within it the memory of Andrew and the

hate hurled at him. Sadly, I know I won’t be able to protect Jaya from the Rickies, Jimmies, Robbies and Gregs of the world. But though I may have shed my amour, I am not defenseless. My voice, beside hers, joined with so many others is loud enough to be heard. It is strong enough to protect. And filled with enough love to drown out the hate. I no longer look for a megaphone to show Jaya my support. I do it quietly, through small gestures, moments of acknowledgement. A rainbow pin bought for her with the word ‘RESIST’; an indie movie watched together with a positive gay protagonist, a passing smile between us at the hanging pride flag we spotted while walking in Tel Aviv last summer. I give her the space to come to me, to share with me the stories she wants to tell and the experiences she makes her own. This story, of Andrew and Jaya, of bullies and bystanders, of silence and sadness, of solidarity and empowerment, and ultimately of words, is my story. What I’ve learned, is that the story of Jaya, of her coming out, and of who she will ultimately become, is not mine to tell. One day, I hope she tells it freely and lovingly, with pride and with words of her own. D OR R I R AMAT I is an educator and writer. She lives in Maplewood and is a proud mom to three children.

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A STRAIGHT, WHITE, CISGENDER RABBI’S TAKE ON ALLYSHIP By Rabbi Mike Moskowitz

I WAS A P PR OACHED after a speech I delivered

recently on transgender inclusivity and was asked if I had transitioned from female to male. I felt confusion, discomfort and kinship with all of those who suffer the humiliating injustice that comes from the socially constructed entitlements of others. I wanted to stand with them in solidarity, all children of one God, and somehow help absorb this blow to human dignity. My initial thought was to respond “Does it make a difference?” instinctively saying to myself, “All lives matter!” Instead, I replied “No”—because it does make a difference. My name is Mike. I’m white, straight and a cisgender male. As an educator and rabbi, I have transgender students and congregants. My father is a doctor, as was my grandfather, and I grew up in the suburbs. When I get pulled over by the police, after they see my license, registration and clergy parking, they often ask

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for a blessing—and never ask for me to step out of the vehicle. I also work full time in social justice and, yeah, sometimes it’s awkward, because the systems of oppression that are in place, that we are fighting against, are designed to benefit me, and they have. I don’t need access to more space, and to co-occupy one of vulnerability can only be offered as an invitation, requiring consent from the one exposed. The voice of an ally is not the same voice as the one who’s been oppressed, marginalized and who has struggled against being silenced. When people have the resources, power and agency but choose not to extend, expand and use those spaces for good, I’m offended on a soul level. I perceive it as a perversion of the Divine truth, that God is everywhere all of the time and that everything belongs to God. When we see someone or a group of people who are weakened, exposed and forced into

inhumane postures of fragility, this physical weakness gives amplified expression to the screams of their soul—a soul yearning to be held with a respectful acknowledgment of its divine origin. If we don’t protest this sacrilegious reality, what does our silence reveal about the condition of our soul? In the Jewish tradition, we offer condolences ‫המקןם‬ by invoking a specific aspect of God: ‫םןקמה‬ ‫םחנ׳ם‬ ‫—םכתאא ת כ‬Hamakom ‫׳נחם‬ yenachem etchem (“May the Omnipresent comfort you”). Of the many different names for God, we use Hamakom (“the Omnipresent”) here as a comforting reminder that no space or circumstance is free from the Divine Presence. By preventing sanctuary, equality or inclusion, we contribute to the denial of that comfort to humanity. Spiritual practice demands social consciousness. If a person’s physical, emotional or mental health is harmed through the denial of human rights or other oppression, then the soul is also limited in its expression. We thereby exclude God from God’s entitled space and ally-ship.

If we want God as our mother, father, parent, then we need to see each other as brothers, sisters, siblings. When we get hurt, we scream out. Not because it helps alleviate the pain, but because if we don’t scream when we are privileged to, then it doesn’t really hurt. When people are suffering, it is the silence that is awkward. R A B B I MIKE MOSKOW ITZ is the Scholar-inResidence for Trans and Queer Jewish Studies at Congregation Beit Simchat Torah, and the recipient of the North Jersey Pride 2018 Outstanding Ally Award.

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BREAKING TRADITION By C.J. Prince

RE C E N T LY , I SAW THE F I L M , Disobedience,

about an Orthodox Jewish woman struggling with her yen for women, which is at odds with her insular religious life and judgmental community. The movie left me a bit breathless, honestly—and not just because of the steamy scenes between the lead actors, Rachel McAdams and Rachel Weisz. It was kind of surreal for me, like a glimpse into an alternate universe, the future that might have been, had I not found some way to come to terms with my own queer identity. In the tiny Orthodox Jewish town of Monsey, N.Y., I, too, was raised to be a God-fearing, law-abiding, skirt-wearing, man-loving woman of valor. When I realized in my teens that I would not, could not, be that person—well, things got rough. Actually, they got rough well before that. I was the youngest of four children, sister to three rambunctious boys and although my mother loved my brothers, she’d been pining for a daughter since the very first bris. For more than a decade, in fact, she’d fantasized about the little girl she might one day have, a sugar-and-spiceand-everything-nice girl who would love dresses and lace and ribbons in her hair and who would delight in shopping for hours and hours on any given Sunday. 42

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When I finally arrived, well . . . let’s just say I was not the model my mother thought she’d ordered from the catalogue. Quite stereotypically, I wanted to wear jeans and muddy sneakers and my brothers’ old T-shirts. I played with G.I. Joe instead of dolls, baseball instead of house, and at the Purim festival, I wanted to dress up like Reggie Jackson, not Queen Esther. I was messy and disordered and I lost all patience for shopping within five minutes of entering any clothing store. I was that proverbial square peg, and it only got worse in high school—my Orthodox Jewish all-girls yeshiva—because that was when I figured It out: I was really not like the other girls. I remember vividly how that felt, thinking there was no way forward, no life choice I could make that would result in anything but gloom and doom. I saw only two roads: 1) deny who I was, marry a man, live the life God and my family expected, and lose a huge piece of myself; or 2) live honestly and lose my family, my Yiddishkeit, my history, and a huge piece of myself. Like it has for all too many LGBTQ teens of all backgrounds, suicide did cross my mind. Fortunately, somehow, I was able to hold on long enough to see the fog lift, and the path in front of me was real and bright and full of possibility. I was able to move forward, accept

myself and live my truth. I was one of the lucky ones: after a bumpy beginning, my family found their way to acceptance. I don’t know if they consulted any rabbis, I don’t know whether any of them still silently prays for a miracle cure. But as far as what they continue to show me, I am worthy of love, for the most part, just as I am. When I was pregnant with my first child, I thought, how lucky she will be! My daughter will never be forced to wear those hideous frilly dresses I despised as a child. For nine months, I fantasized about the trucks and transformers we’d buy her, the jeans and T-shirts and muddy sneakers and short hair. No dolls and princesses for my girl! She’d be free to be herself—and she’d never have to fear coming out to us. As they say where I come from, der mentsh trakht un Got lakht. We plan, and God laughs. When I imagined my future daughter, of course, I wasn’t picturing the child I actually gave birth to, who, as it turned out, had quite a fondness for lace and frill, glitter and glitz, fancy dresses and fancier shoes. “Sweetie,” I tried telling her, “you don’t have to wear dresses and skirts. You can wear these cargo shorts I bought you. We don’t care what other people think!”

Finally, she had to come out and say it, in a quiet, tentative voice: “But mommy, I like wearing dresses.” And I realized, she didn’t need the salve I was offering, and she didn’t want it. She wasn’t hiding from anything. As it turned out, all that I ran from, she held dearest. And I got it. We all do it, don’t we? We think our children would be happier if only they were more like us—whether that’s LGBTQ, straight, cisgender, masculine, feminine and on and on. Whatever label we imagined for them, we get a shock when they turn out to be exactly opposite—and we realize we’ve missed all the beauty that was right there in front of us. So after I took a moment to think about how badly I wished my mother were still alive to take my daughter on a shopping spree at Macy’s, I collected myself, went out and bought some new dresses, each fancier than the last. (Well, okay, I didn’t actually go out to the store because I really hate shopping, but I did buy a bunch of dresses online. It’s the thought, right?) She was positively giddy at the sight of them and I knew it was right. Later, I thought about the future, though. I wondered what else she might have to tell me, what news she might have to break to me, in say 10 or 15 years, wringing her hands, terrified, searching my face for signs of acceptance or N O RT H J E R S E Y P R I D E 2 0 1 8

disapproval. What would she eventually say that would knock the wind out of me and make me think to myself, “Where, oh where, did we go wrong?” And it came to me. One day, my eldest daughter, young, beautiful, full of promise, will tearfully confess that she is a registered Republican and is dropping out of medical school to marry a Hassidic man named ChaimYankel from Boro Park. Had I not planned ahead for this, my natural reaction likely would have been to either have a stroke or lock her up in the basement and call whoever it is that kidnaps people in vans and deprograms them. But then I’d be no different than the moms who call Exodus International and send their kids to conversion therapy. So I decided to consider my response and practice it regularly, so I’ll be ready when it finally arrives. I will say, in all sincerity: “Sweetheart, I love you and I only want you to be happy and healthy. You will always be my daughter and I will always be here for you.”

I will watch her drive off with Chaim-Yankel to Brooklyn. And when their beat-up-station-wagon tail lights disappear around the bend, then, and only then, in the privacy of my kitchen, will I drown my sorrows in a giant tub of ice cream, letting the tears flow freely as I mourn the loss of the raging liberal I had always hoped she’d grow up to be. The next time I see her, I will remember that all I ever wanted was for her to be happy. And if she truly is, I will be, too. C. J. P R IN CE is the executive director of North Jersey Pride, a writer, and a proud mother of two amazing daughters.

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