A4 ARTISTS ARTISANS ASSISTANTS AUDIENCE
Albert the Alcoholic who carries a rabbit named Bob in his hat
Bjork Met transcends the dust clouds with palm trees At Poundland She said “Do you like Superheroes?” He said “Candy” And they fucked.
Elvis (The King) Met Karen Abdul Jabar At a beer festival at The Castle And they built a ship and sailed to the far ends of the earth.
The Great Glitter Snake and the wise old man
Homer Simpson Met dissapointment At Mrs Miggins Pieshop He said “Why are you so peculiar looking?” She said “I don’t think so” So they went white water rafting on the back of a giant turtle.
Met a digger, racing along the path At Disneyland, Paris And they made sweet love for two hours until their parents called them home for tea, which was fish fingers and chips with mushy peas and ketchup.
I Met me
Neil Young Met Greta Garbo At Bristol Zoo He said “I like your skirt” She said “Mexico? Isn’t that a bit far just to go for a sandwich” At this point, they each climbed a different tree.
Met a one eyed monster At the Kennedy Space Centre, on the launch pad where they were fuelling the next rocket for launch And they lived happily ever after.
All of us Met Bob the Sloth At the edge of the world (because it is really flat after all) And they both put on their floppy straw hats, straddled their donkeys and strolled, or rather trotted, in the moonlight. Whilst the gloomy light reflected off their naked feet!
Somewhere between the not yet and the no longer I said “Glub, glub, glub. I’m sinking to the bottom of the ocean” Me said “I’d like to go on a sight-seeing tour of Tokyo – with an octopus” And so they started a race riot.
Lowry
Planxty George Brabazo Met Laura Knight At a speed dating event She said “When you say your name is Planxty, I hope you don’t mean you have a mossy, fungaltype plaque on your cock. ‘Cause I’m pretty fed up of the STI’s that you pick up fast at these types of events.”
Charlie Sheen wearing a tutu Met Pierce Brosnan At approximately 2pm on a Wednesday, at least I think it was a Wednesday, it could have been a Monday realistically And they rolled down a hill together in a race.
The Old Maid Met the Cheeky Cow At the Field of Dreams She said “Lay that guilt on me son” He said “I don’t care for your language”
The Flying Whale Met Edward Burra At Tesco He said “Should we buy some coke with those sausages of yours?”
Met The Queen of Hearts At Niagara Falls He said “Look at us here, surrounded by cascading water and trees, trees, trees. Where are the millions that scatter like ants oblivious to the pointlessness they participate?”
Marcas the Rasta, who plaited his dreads under his red, gold and green skull cap (even though he’s Jamaican) Met a really lovely wealthy patron At The Crocus Gallery And they jumped for joy because life was good.
Max the Dog Met a llama that walked like a man and who wore stillettos At the race grounds And they scratched each other’s knees.
And so they had a mad house party and woke up with skates in their beds.
The bicycle and the woolly hat (red) Met at the top of a super massive black hole
Paula Penguini Met Mariah Carey At the National Portrait Gallery She said “Howdy” She said “It was like that when I got here” So they had a sandwich.
Taylor Swift Met someone At Atlantis She said “Baby” They said “I thought this might happen” And they formed a moderately successful indie pop band.
Pierre, a Surface volunteer Met a noisy letter box At Nandos
One fine sunny day, a ladybird with only a single spot Met a Barbie doll with a chip on her shoulder At the underpass near The Crocus Gallery (as seen in ‘This is England’) And they sat with Henrietta’s ukulele having a bit of a chin-wag waiting for the world to end.
just outside of Warwick At the corner of Albert Square And they jumped into a spaceship and set off to investigate the strange anomaly which caused everyone on earth to spontaneously grow an afro!
“Does the crow fly in the winter with a its beak?” “Mind your own business” went to Plumstead.
Nancy Boy
Cilla Black Met Alister Crowley At the fireworks, candy and puppy dog factory She said “May I borrow your lighter? Mine was stolen by that small urchin!” He said “Only I / You’ll take me sunbathing and clean my wounds.” So they went naked night swimming and watched shooting stars.
He said frog in It said So they
Janet Jackson Met Dot from Eastenders She said “Cherry compote please!!” She said “I’m not wearing any pants” And they felt very sheepish whilst pulling the
Met King Kong He said “Have you ever been to that part of Magaluf where Derren Brown shrunk that child?” He said “I better get that other sock back down from the tree, who knows what people will think we’ve been up too!” And they ate frozen peas and ended up with brain freeze.
A secret agent masquerading as Gary Barlow Met a hairy spider named William He said “I’ve never met a person that I immediately thought was a douchebag before, this is quite remarkableHe He said “Yeah – I often wonder that” And everyone looked at each other and realised that this wasn’t the best time to talk about Tupperware.
disgusting coffee coloured string from between the lips of a newly invigorated Boris Johnson.
CONTRIBUTORS: Alexander Croft Alice Thickett Ben Arrowsuch Ben Lord Bethan Davies Chloe Langlois Christine Newport Daniel Lumb Darren Emma Beischer Emma ‘Dex’ Dexter Emma Gamble Emma Lewis-Jones Faye Collins Fiona Allardyce Georgina Barney Holly Jez Josephine Fairbrother
Kat Kyle Futers Llewella Marie White Laura Jade Klee Laura Millward Marie Drouin Nellie Parsona Neil Dixson Oliver Scutt Pervert Wasp Rachel Tait Rob Ne’Kros Sam West Shamila Naa Okailey Chady Sophie Mahon Thomas Darby Vicky Johnson
N.O.N WOULD ALSO LIKE TO THANK JAM INDUSTRIES AND NOTTINGHAM CONTEMPORARY’S CAFE BAR FOR THEIR HELP AND SUPPORT.
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