SURF) BOARD AND BATTEN

Board (surf) Batten and

by amanda mcdanel

A MARRIAGE IS A PARTNERSHIP OF COMPROMISE. Sometimes those compromises revolve around big things, such as where to put down roots or how to navigate dual career pathways. You’ll also likely have to figure out whether you married into a family that runs 5ks on Thanksgiving morning or one that sits around watching the Macy’s parade with mimosas, and decide whether your vacations revolve around a sandy beach or a snowy mountain.

Other times, compromise means dividing household chores according to who despises emptying the dishwasher more or who has gone through the CVS drive-thru less on any given month – or having heated debates in the garden section of the local nursery about what exactly you’re supposed to plant in September when your partner hates mums.

In my marriage, it all came down to a rather unexpected compromise on home décor.

For context, I’ve learned that marrying a surfer comes with a whole set of parameters – one being that you have to figure out how to accommodate all their excessive sports equipment. During our wedding ceremony a dear friend thoughtfully cautioned me to never refer to surfboards as “toys” – and given the success of his 30-plus year marriage, I have taken his recommendation to heart.

True surfers do not have one mere surfboard. They maintain a quiver – a selection of boards that are used for very specific conditions or display a level of collectability and/or status. So while my husband’s active quiver may contain six boards that are stored in the shed, we also have four to five given “wall hangers” that absolutely dictate my home décor. These are collectibles: specially shaped, vintage, limited edition single fins with raised pin lines and unique resin tints (I’m told) and are to be adored and admired, but never used, much like a Waterford crystal paperweight.

But how do you display such curios when there’s no cabinet designed to neatly store them? I currently have one suspended from the ceiling in our living room, one perched on top of the kitchen cabinets, one leaning up against a wall in the den, and another on active duty in the office.

Maybe you, too, live with a sizeable quiver, or even simply have an old unridden board from your glory days that you procured from a neighbor and – while it’s not a wall hanger – it’s also no longer rideable, but you’d still like to hold on to it for nostalgia’s sake. Have no fear: With a bit of ingenuity (and a few crafty essentials), you can easily brush the dust off those old boards and give them new life on land. [One caveat: I am required by surfer marriage law to state that you should get your board checked out by a professional before defacing it by using any of the methods below. If a single fin vintage Hobie or Gerry Lopez board gets destroyed in this process, you and I are both dry docked on a reef.]

Inside your home

Memo Board: After giving your board a quick sanding, apply a primer, followed by a coat of chalkboard paint. Use it to display the week’s dinner menu, a daily quote or an ongoing grocery list. Custom Wine Holder: Purchase several small metal wine display racks and mount them either horizontally or vertically on your board – then display it either by hanging the board or leaning it up against the wall. Hanging Chandelier: Suspend your board from the ceiling so that it’s parallel to the floor (high-test fishing line works well here) and drill a few small holes through the center to thread cording for pendant lights. Vertical Plant Garden: Use a sharp chisel to hollow out several small sections (or one large section) along the length of your board without going all the way through to the other side. Pack the holes with dirt and cover them with chicken wire to contain the growing medium, then insert succulents or other hardy plants.

Taking it outdoors

Mirror Mosaic: Cover your board with a light coat of concrete material and insert broken pottery, dishes, tile, shells or pieces of a broken mirror to create a colorful mosaic masterpiece for your yard. House Numbers: Propping or mounting a board against a house piling or other road-facing area gives you a blank canvas to paint a mural of your house numbers in a bold coastal style. Outdoor Shower: First, measure the height of your water spout to make sure the board will fit, then cut openings in the board to accommodate your shower head and faucet – bonus points if you also install a soap holder on the board or mount a second board horizontally with hooks to create a matching towel holder.

What to do with broken boards

Directional Sign: Displaying a post with directional signs is a fun customizable trend, and you can use the broken nose of a board as a sign to include the milage to your favorite surf destination.

Mailbox Post: Swap out your boring wooden mailbox post for a broken board by sinking the bottom of the board into the ground and attaching your mailbox directly to the front of its nose.

Tiki Toss Game: Also known as a Hook and Ring game, this fun bar activity involves a ring hanging from a string and a hook mounted to a flat vertical surface. Attach a large c-hook to your board, mount it to a post and use it as your target – first one not to spill their drink is the winner!

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