Wanted: Foster Parents Yes, You

By Erin Sernoffsky

Michelle Holmes, 66, headed out for a bike ride before picking up two boys from school — her most recent foster children in 17 years of welcoming kids into her Cleveland Heights home. She’s fostered more than 20 children, beginning with two girls when her youngest daughter was 11.

“I just love it,” Holmes says. “They keep me active, it keeps me young at heart. Don’t get me wrong, you have challenges. Some of these kids have never had the opportunity to learn how to brush their teeth or their hair. Some of them need so much help and have so much going on in their lives, but the best thing you can give them is love and make them feel safe, and pretty much everything else will fall into place. We need more grandmas in the world.”

Holmes is right about that. About 8,500 kids live with foster parents in Ohio; many more are awaiting placement.

As Holmes has learned, there’s a demographic ideally situated to help these children — older adults.

SUPPORT, LOVE

of the children have experienced grief, trauma or loss. As a result, trust, bonding and showing gratitude take time and patience.

“One myth is that, once you hit a certain age, you are too old to foster kids. This is far from true,” Tarantino says.

So You Want to Be a Foster Parent?

Foster parents get free preplacement training and must pass a criminal background check. The state pays a monthly stipend to cover the cost of food, diapers and other expenses. Foster children get health insurance through Medicaid, which covers the cost of prescriptions, therapy, counseling and doctor visits. Learn more at fosterandadopt.jfs.ohio.gov/ home.

“People 50 and older and empty nesters make great foster parents,” says Kim Weltman, Executive Vice President at Beech Brook in Pepper Pike. “Regardless of whether they have their own children or not, people 50 and older can bring patience, understanding and love to a child who is not able to live with their biological family.”

Cheryl Tarantino, Executive Director of NOAS, Northeast Ohio Adoption Services, says amazing foster families are light-hearted, patient and accept delayed gratification. Most

Age can be an asset for a foster parent, especially when working with preteens and teens transitioning to adulthood, she adds. Some are in their early 70s. Couples, single people, homeowners, renters, city dwellers, suburban and rural residents: the foster family net is wide and inclusive.

Fostering can take many forms, including foster-to-adopt, foster-only, mentorship, and emergency and respite care. In a temporary placement, a child’s family needs immediate assistance and is working to provide a safe home for their child.

“The best-case scenario is when a foster family can nurture the relationship between the child and their birth parent and can work toward reunification,” says Shannon Deinhart, Executive Director of Kinnect, a Cleveland-based nonprofit that works to prevent and reduce the time a child spends in the welfare system.

“Our work at Kinnect is to get kids out of foster care and back to kin quickly,” Deinhart says. “Foster parents have been instrumental in our success because they know and often end up being a support and resource to the kinship family.”

Deinhart says, ideal foster parent relationships with these families continue after the placement, oftentimes with foster families serving in a grandparent-like role.

Agencies provide support to foster families. “Our foster care team is available 24/7,” says Weltman. “We have case managers who visit weekly and as needed, as well as ‘wrap workers’ who provide extra services to the children to teach them basic skills. Depending on the individual needs, children may also take part in individual, group and family therapy, art therapy, psychiatric consultation, and independent living skills for older teens.”

NOAS’ IGNITE Mentorship program is designed for older adults not ready or able to commit to the full fostering experience. IGNITE pairs an adult with a child in a less formal relationship to serve as a “wise and trusted guide,” explains Tarantino. “You aren’t there to parent or discipline, but to be there for them and help them.” This can often look like taking part in hobbies, helping with school and career advice, or simply spending time together.

Says Weltman, “Some foster parents are concerned about separation and loss issues when the foster child must leave their home. In many instances, the foster parents remain connected to their foster child or children and continue to serve as a resource for many years.”

This is true for Michelle Holmes, who keeps in touch with many of her former foster children.

“I actually cry when some leave because I get so attached but I know in the end, they are happy and I am happy for them. I had one boy that I took care of knock on my door and say, ‘Ms. Holmes, do you remember me?’ and he had grown so much but I still knew him. They all come back to visit.”