Student Government taken over by Revolutionary UNI squirrels

ly returned and we can only hope it stays safe while local authorities attempt to locate the elusive structure.

To the shock and confusion of the student body, the UNI squirrels have taken over Northern Iowa Student Government (NISG) in a vicious coup.

Armed with acorns and a thirst for blood, the squirrels stormed the NISG offices Monday morning in a surprise attack. NISG members were quickly overwhelmed by the furry fiends and surrendered within the hour.

“We fought valiantly and down to the last man,” Ousted President Meila Lasinovic said. “There were just too many of them, there was nothing we could do.”

The ringleader of the squirrels, known as “Squeaker McSqeakens” has declared martial law. As one of his first actions in office, he has proclaimed everyday to be celebrated as National Acorn

Appreciation Day.

“This is simply outrageous,” UNI President Nark Mook said in a statement to the press. “This will not stand. The squirrels of UNI must be stopped and power returned to the students.”

A resistance group formed by NISG members called “Down with the Nuts” has been working to usurp the squirrels and take back control.

“We have been taking several kickboxing classes at the Wellness Recreation Center to hone our skills,” Ousted Vice President Kicaiah Mrutsinger said. “Additionally, we have been in contact with an exterminator and have purchased several squirrel traps.”

Until the squirrels are defeated, they will have the power to give funding to student organizations, lobby the state legislature and the Board of Regents among other things.

“I have faith in our students that they will take back control of student government,” President Nark Mook said. “We will win the day against these violent vermin.”