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APRIL 14, 2022 | NORTHERNIOWAN.COM | VOLUME 118, ISSUE 49 “Ambulance” is Bayhem at its best

HUNTER FRIESEN

Film Critic

A funny thing happened before my screening for Michael Bay’s newest film, “Ambulance.” During the pre-trailer commercials, a TV spot for “Ambulance” came on the screen, claiming that it has the highest Rotten Tomatoes score of Michael Bay’s entire filmography. Except in their claim, the advertisers neglected to mention what the numerical value was. Knowing that it couldn’t be a coincidental error that they left it out, I quickly did my research and found that the score was 66%, which is a fine score, but nothing to brag about. But when you look at Bay’s other films, which include the dismal “Transformers: The Last Knight” at 15% and “Bad Boys II” at 23%, it becomes clear that the bar was really, really low.

And with that bar being set to the floor, “Ambulance” is able to haphazardly clear it as explosions and lens flares go off in the background in true Michael Bay fashion.

Michael Bay does not have the time or mental capacity to deliver human drama. Luckily, after years of trying to do just that in “Armageddon” and “Pearl Harbor,” Bay has finally thrown his arms up in the air and decided to triple down on giving the people what they want: pure adrenaline-filled mayhem (better known as Bayhem).

“Ambulance” has a plot as thin as a dryer sheet. If this were like 99% of the other films, that would be a major problem. But Bay is that 1% where it doesn’t matter what the story is, as it will almost assuredly be bad, as it still is here.

Will Sharpe (Yahya AbdulMateen II) is a decorated war hero whose wife needs experimental life-saving surgery. His insurance won’t cover it, and he’s desperate for money. In his time of need, he looks to his adopted brother Danny (Jake Gyllenhaal), who’s followed in their father’s footsteps by becoming a career criminal. He’s looking to make one last score that could net them $32 million from a Los Angeles bank. Despite his reservations, Will agrees to help out in return for a portion of the cut. Of course, things don’t go as planned and the brothers are forced to take an ambulance hostage that also has an EMT (Eiza González) onboard who’s trying to save the life of a wounded police officer.

By using addition by subtraction, Bay has cut out the usual fat in his films and delivered one of his leanest films to date. The whole setup for the heist takes less than five minutes, with the rest of the runtime devoted to the action. But just as the advertisers should include an asterisk when claiming this as Bay’s best-reviewed movie, I also need to use an asterisk when calling this Bay’s leanest film since it still comes in at a bloated 136 minutes. Nearly 20-25 minutes could have been shaved off without much detriment to the final product.

There are still the usual Bay fetishes here with explosions coming from every angle, guns going bang, and the American military being given the best recruitment commercial they could ever ask for. Bay has even found a new fascination with the drone camera, as he uses it to whirl and whizz around the action with dizzying effect. There’s no time for your brain to comprehend much of what’s going on as Bay takes your senses for a joyride.

Along with the carnage, what helps keep your eyes glued to the screen is Jake Gyllenhaal’s bonkers performance. His diet might as well consist of Red Bull and sugar every morning as he’s bouncing off the walls with manic energy, screaming nearly every line as he toes the line between being purely psychotic and a charming anti-hero. AbdulMateen II and González provide a nice fold to him as they try to keep things under control. When Bay’s previous films have contained performances like Ben Affleck’s in “Armageddon” and uh… Ben Affleck’s in “Pearl Harbor,” it’s truly something to see decent work here.

Just like the roller coasters at amusement parks, every theater showing “Ambulance” should have a warning stating that people with medical conditions should not see this movie. And if you are up to the challenge, make sure to grab your free T-shirt that says “I survived Michael Bay’s Ambulance and all I got was this lousy shirt” on your way out.

COURTESY / TRIBUNE NEWS SERVICE

Film critic Hunter Friesen gives the newly released film Ambulance a 3 out 5 review.

Overall: 3/5

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CLINE BROWN

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After graduating high school, she attended the State University of New York at Plattsburg where she earned her degree in psychology. Cline-Brown intended to become a clinical psychologist but became interested in working in the academic field while at an awards ceremony in college. She loved the atmosphere of the room– people from all over getting together to share ideas and solve problems. It was then that she started to consider a different career path. Along the way to earning her psychology degree, ClineBrown took biology classes. She wanted to better understand the human body so she could not only give therapies but develop them. After fin-

Across 1 Call of the wild 5 Shade 11 ‘80s defense prog. 14 Competent 15 Walk down the aisle, maybe 16 Dough unit 17 Hangout for Hyacinth in “Fantasia”? 19 Poetic preposition 20 Condescend 21 “__ Louise!” 22 Agreeable word 23 Moon observation 25 Bk. before Job 26 “Skyfall” singer 28 Hangout for Tchaikovsky’s Odile? 32 Dendrite counterpart 33 Mediterranean country 35 Hoop holder 36 Pewter part 37 Hangout for Heckle and Jeckle? 38 iPhone, e.g. 39 Lawyer letters 40 Warm to the max 41 Runs out of gas 42 Hangout for Mickey and Minnie? 44 Pep squad output APRIL 14, 2022 | NORTHERNIOWAN.COM | VOLUME 118, ISSUE 49 ishing her undergrad, she went on to attend the University of New Mexico where she earned her Ph.D. in biology and worked to treat people with depression. During grad school Cline-Brown met her husband, and after getting married, they moved to Baltimore where she did research for pharmaceutical companies. When Cline-Brown and her husband moved to Iowa, she discovered a job opening at UNI in the biology department. The university was searching for someone to teach non-majors and ClineBrown was passionate about this type of work because she maintained that anyone could understand biology if it was explained in the right way. One of her long-term goals had been to present information to students in a relevant way that would help them retain it. It was important to Cline-Brown to increase her student’s confidence in their own knowledge so they could take the information they learned in college and use it to problem solve in their lives and careers. As with many, the last two years brought challenges for Cline-Brown as she attempted to teach her lab-based classes online. She recalled how heartbreaking it was to see students return home and how she watched the sparkle leave their eyes as it became harder to engage them in discussions. “Probably the hardest part about teaching online, or even while wearing a mask, is that students can’t see those facial expression cues that indicate you care about them.” Instead of assigning lecture videos to her students, she searched for innovative ways to conduct lab activities with everyday house supplies. She believed that labs were meant to be done in real-life, not from behind a computer screen. “You can look at Covid as a disaster or you can decide to make it an opportunity to learn and grow,” she said. Cline-Brown wanted her lab classes to be hands-on, even amidst the pandemic. With help from colleagues in her department, she was able to find ways to create at-home labs. She learned how to convert a medicine syringe into a vacuum capable of sucking the carbon dioxide and oxygen out of plants, allowing her students to continue learning about photosynthesis without fancy lab equipment. “I am so grateful to be working with an amazing and generous team of people in my department, at UNI, and within community agencies.” She collaborated with Laura Jackson, Ph.D., the Tallgrass Prairie Center and UNI IT to send her students to the local prairie preserves to carry out a seed predation lab. Some of her students even participated from their own backyards. Cline-Brown fondly recalls the stories her students told as they were able to go into nature and experience science in a new way, outside of the lab.

“Doing science is more than just facts and data, it’s also about those unexpected moments, stories, and experiences that arise in the process.”

Throughout the pandemic, Cline-Brown has been determined to keep her student’s best interests at heart, a quality that makes her an excellent faculty member and valuable asset to the Northern Iowan community.

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