4-15-11 by Northern Iowan

How to land a job in TV 5

the French Fry Rebel forces destroy UNI-Dome 7

Northern Iowan

the university of northern iowa’s student-produced newspaper since 1892

April 15, 2011

UNI presents ‘Green the Scene’ as part of Earth Week

Volume 107, Issue 50

FRIDAY

Cedar Falls, Iowa

Staff Writer

This week, “Green the Scene,” an initiative sponsored by the University of Northern Iowa College of Education, highlighted ways to go green on a smaller scale. Throughout the week, a series of brown-bag lunch sessions were held that offered information for individuals and professionals on using spring cleaning time to reduce, reuse and recycle. The first session, on Monday, emphasized the importance of ergonomics

JOHN ANDERSON/Northern Iowan

See GREEN THE SCENE, page 3

Student body president emeritus Joel Anderson (right) administers the oath of office to student body president Spencer Walrath.

UNI alum writes book offering financial advice Staff Writer

On Monday, Adam Carroll, who graduated from the University of Northern Iowa in 1997, shared his financial advice and the keys to financial success featured in his book, “Winning the Money Game.” The book outlines for young people what Carroll sees as the best way to ensure financial security. According to Carroll, his path to financial success developed after he realized that he needed a plan. “It occurred to me that

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NISG swears in new administration, senate

BEN WILSON

I did not want to live the way I was and I found out I wanted to live another way. Also, my wife said to ‘get rid of your debt or I’ll get rid of you,’”said Carroll. Carroll continued by explaining that not only is time on a student’s side but that students also have a choice of when they want to stop borrowing for tomorrow. “If I can eat it, drink it or wear it, it doesn’t go on a credit card,” said Carroll. Carroll believes in the phrase “lifestyling up.” “Too many students live See CARROLL, page 2

The members of the 2011-2012 Northern Iowa Student Government took the oath and were sworn into office Wednesday during the first meeting of the new senate in the Maucker Union University Room. University of Northern Iowa student body president emeritus Joel Anderson had one challenge for the new senators: be active. “If there is an aspect of UNI that you do not like, try to change it. Each one of you can pen a resolution that could change the lives of students,” he said during his State of the Student Body Address, which was delivered during an awards potluck held before the meeting. His call didn’t fall on deaf ears. Student body president Spencer Walrath expressed his excitement to get down to work during an interview following the meeting. “When I move into office, I’m gonna See NISG TRANSITION, page 4

I Spy at UNI

ANNA SCHRECK/Northern Iowan

Do you know where this picture was taken? If so, email us at northern-iowan@uni.edu with your answer. The winner’s name and the picture’s location will be featured in the next edition of the Northern Iowan. The winner from the April 12 issue is Daisy Isibor, a UNI freshman, who correctly identified that the previous picture was taken on the third floor of the library near the Youth Collection entrance.

UNI has a new computer system that allows students to register for classes, receive financial aid awards and get grade reports, degree audits and u-bills. The new system looks different, and is easy to use.

One-on-One Assistance (computers on-site): • Gilchrist Hall: April 5-22, 8 a.m. to 5 p.m.

• Maucker Union: Tuesday, April 12; and Monday, April 18 – 10 a.m. to 2 p.m.

Assistance is available if you need it. Use the Online assistance: online assistance anytime or work with a Visit MyUNIverse > Student Center tab > Help link live human being.

PAGE 2

NEWS

CARROLL continued from page 1

a lifestyle right now that they will not be able to afford in the near future,”

said Carroll. “You should take 10 percent of anything you make now and save it, save it, save it.” “We are hypnotized by society to spend money,” he

continued. “You need to do what you came here to do and that is to get a degree. If you can hold yourself back from ‘lifestyling up,’ do that until you know you can

Friday, April 15, 2011

afford it.” Along with this advice, Carroll laid out a plan that he used to get ahead financially. “Pay loans in two years, pay credit cards in one, max out your 401(k) and Roth IRA, only pay cash for automobiles and learn to invest heavily and diversely,” he said. Carroll also explained how to get ahead in real estate. “Buy a duplex. Live in one side and rent out the other side until you can afford another duplex. Then repeat this. Use that and then look to start a business.” He suggested that by doing this, students will be opening their eyes to more employment options. “I focus on paying down my high-interest debt first and I try to make more than the minimum payment. I set

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my financial goals and then simply find a way to make it,” said Chris Bengston, a 2006 graduate of UNI. “To me, winning the money game is about security and in that, hoping for a retirement that I can truly enjoy.” Cedar Falls resident and Americorps employee Jason Jefferson stated, “I just don’t want to have to worry about money.” In summary, Carroll left students with this advice: “Just don’t bite off more than you can chew.” Carroll also advised students to check out websites that offer help and scholarship opportunities. He recommended odesk.com, elance.com, fastweb.com and brokescholar.com.

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Reilly Zlab, senior public relations and Spanish double major, participates in one of the exercises that Carroll presented in order to teach college students about finances.

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L011 Maucker Union Cedar Falls, IA 50614 www.northern-iowan.org Friday, January 14, 2011 Volume 107, Issue 28

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The Northern Iowan is published semiweekly on Tuesday and Friday during the academic year; weekly on Friday during the summer session, except for holidays and examination periods, by the University of Northern Iowa, L011 Maucker Union, Cedar Falls, IA 50614-0166 under the auspices of the Board of Student Publications. Advertising errors that are the fault of the Northern Iowan will be corrected at no cost to the advertiser only if the Northern Iowan office is notified within seven days of the original publication. Publisher reserves the right to refuse any advertisement at any time. The Northern Iowan is funded in part with student activity fees. A copy of the Northern Iowan grievance procedure is available at the Northern Iowan office, located at L011 Maucker Union. All material is copyright © 2010 by the Northern Iowan and may not be used without permission.

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Friday, April 15, 2011

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World News

NATO admits it struck Libyan rebels, but blames them SHASHANK BENGALI McClatchy Newspapers

BENGHAZI, Libya — NATO admitted Friday that it had mistakenly struck Libyan rebel tanks in a deadly “friendly fire” incident that underscored communication problems between the alliance and the ill-equipped Libyan opposition battling to topple Moammar Gadhafi. Rear Adm. Russell Harding told reporters in Naples, Italy, that “it would appear that two of our strikes yesterday may have resulted in the deaths of a number of (National Libyan Council) forces,” referring to the rebels’ de facto government. “I am not apologizing” for the incident, he added. Harding’s admission drew complaints from rebels that NATO has done little to help their cause since it assumed command of enforcing a United Nations-ordered nofly zone over Libya a week ago. “We don’t have a lot of power. A small mistake by NATO can stop us,” said Nouri Fonas, a 35-year-old rebel fighter. “I don’t care about apologies. We are

GREEN THE SCENE continued from page 1

and workplace safety measures when clearing clutter. According to university safety manager Wendel Reece, people need to prepare physically before taking on the challenge of spring cleaning. “You see professional athletes stretch before a contest. However, how often do you see a regular worker warm up before stressful activity?” Reece asked. He encouraged lifting with one’s legs rather than one’s back as much as possible when moving heavy objects. Tuesday’s session focused on the role of fire safety in green spring cleaning. UNI fire and safety specialist Jason Kayser explained that “anything that might cause a fire to spread should be a major concern.” Kayser listed several key elements of fire safety, including keeping fire doors closed and stairwells clear, not plugging microwaves and other kitchen appliances into power strips, and making sure bulletin boards are used properly, not overloaded with paper. Jack Geary, assistant manager of building services, presented “Green Cleaning” Wednesday. In the last of the brown-bag lunch sessions on Thursday, Kelly Stark, energy engineer at UNI, and Eric O’Brien, university sustain-

dying every day. We can forget yesterday but we need good news tomorrow.” Conflicting signals and embarrassing mishaps have characterized the first week of NATO’s command of the no-fly zone. Last Saturday, at least 13 rebels were killed in another NATO air strike near Brega, and the inexperienced fighters have been unable to hold their ground against Gadhafi’s forces along the pivotal coastal Mediterranean road. On Tuesday, rebel commander Gen. Abdelfatah Younis complained that NATO had been slow to respond to rebel calls for air support. Doctors said at least five people were killed in the Thursday morning strike outside the eastern oil town of Brega. On Friday, Gadhafi’s forces, which drove rebels out of Brega last week, launched artillery rounds at the gate of the strategic city of Ajdabiya, which controls access to the rebel capital of Benghazi. Witnesses said that Gadhafi’s forces didn’t advance on Ajdabiya, however, and the city remained under rebel control at nightability coordinator, discussed “UNI’s dedication to energy use as well as sustainability, the separate energy projects we have completed in the last year as well as in-progress (projects),” according to Stark. Among the energy projects Stark mentioned are changing the lighting in various campus buildings and updating the heating and cooling systems in Maucker Union. Most of the projects will happen this summer. Aside from the projects, Stark and O’Brien talked about making a difference at UNI and at home by being conscious of one’s energy consumption. Through Friday at 3 p.m., containers for donating used textbooks will available in the SEC lobby and WRC room 206. University Book and Supply has partnered with the College of Education to help students get rid of old textbooks by passing them along to Bridge to Asia, a nonprofit organization that provides otherwise costly educational materials to classrooms in developing countries in Asia. “Green the Scene” will conclude this weekend with “Super Saturday.” Students, faculty and staff will gather in the SEC to “green clean” offices, storage rooms and public spaces. For more information, contact Mary Herring, interim associate dean of the College of Education, at 273-2719 or mary.herring@uni.edu.

fall. Harding attributed the Thursday incident to confusion over how the rebels were equipped. “The situation on the ground was extremely fluid and remains extremely fluid,” he said. “And up until

yesterday we had no information that the (rebel government) or the opposition forces were using tanks.” Harding’s assertion directly contradicted Younis, who said that his forces informed NATO that they were moving about 20 tanks

from the rebel capital of Benghazi to the frontline near Brega. The rebels’ tanks include several Soviet-made T-72s that belonged to Gadhafi’s army, but which rebels had See LIBYAN CONFLICT, page 4

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Friday, April 15, 2011

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JOHN ANDERSON/Northern Iowan

Members of the 2011-2012 executive branch take the oath of office during Wednesday’s senate meeting. From left to right: Skylar Mayberry-Mayes, director of diversity and student life, Rhonda Greenway, director of governmental relations, Morgan Johnson, director of public relations, EmilyAnn Brueck, chief of staff, and Dakotah Reed, director of Administration and Finance.

NISG TRANSITION continued from page 1

JOHN ANDERSON/Northern Iowan

Student body vice president Ian Goldsmith embraces vice president emeritus Emma Hashman after taking the oath of office.

JOHN ANDERSON/Northern Iowan

“Student body emperor” Joel Anderson humorously calls on senator Jared Parker to carry out Executive Order 66, a mock order to dissolve the senate and establish an empire, during the potluck before Wednesday’s meeting.

made to students during the campaign and also everything that students give to us via email and the Speak Up With NISG event… I’m gonna put them all up on my wall and every day I’m gonna look at that list and ask, what can I work on today?” Walrath said. Walrath and vice president Ian Goldsmith, who officially took office at midnight on April 15, intend to focus their administration on reaching out to students and improving NISG’s image. “I want all the students here to be able to say that they feel like they are in some way connected to student government, even if they feel like it’s nothing else than that they feel like they can come to the student government with what they want to see done,” Goldsmith said. For Walrath, it was a “beautiful thing” to see the new senate in action. “It was so great to see so many people here attending the senate meeting, and it was also great to see so many of the new senators take part in the debate and conversation even though there wasn’t even that much today,” he said. “I can tell already that it’s not gonna be the case where there’s three strong senators

and the rest just sit here; it’s gonna be a very active senate and I’m excited for that.” During his address before the meeting, Anderson recognized the accomplishments of the outgoing senate and executive officers. “I look around this room and see a very progressive senate,” he said. “I am happy to report that we have recognized over 25 new student organizations this year and have funded 33 different student organizations between the Panther and Contingency funds.” “We recognized the lives of five amazing individuals that were taken from the UNI community too soon,” Anderson continued. “You have sent resolutions to the Faculty Senate and statehouse regarding dead days, professional development assignments and textbook taxes. … As soon as I knew that I had the support of this governing body, I knew that I could stand up and look all the Regents in the eye and fight for affordable tuition.” Anderson’s speech was punctuated with emotion as he thanked his vice president, Emma Hashman, for her dedication this year, and with humor as he donned a black cloak and read Executive Order 66, a mock order to dissolve the senate and establish

LIBYAN CONFLICT continued from page 3

seized in recent battles. Despite Younis’ claims that the rebels are in “minute-by-minute communication” with NATO, the two forces seem increasingly at odds. Nearly 12 hours after the Brega incident occurred, Younis said that he hadn’t directly communicated with NATO commanders about it, and Harding said Friday that he wasn’t aware of Younis’ comments from the day before. In recent days rebels and opposition supporters in eastern Libya have accused NATO of failing to do enough to protect civilians. Opposition officials have voiced alarm at the deteriorating humanitarian situation in Misrata, a rebel-held city in western Libya that Gadhafi’s forces have attacked with snipers and artillery barrages, and

the Northern Iowa Student Empire, while senator Jared Parker entered the room in a Darth Vader costume. Anderson, who will be transitioning with student body president emeritus Adam Haselhuhn to take over as College Hill Partnership Coordinator on May 8, found it odd to sit in the gallery during the meeting. “It’s weird back there; it’s weird having seats in front me,” he said. “I felt like Churchill.” Anderson called students to take charge on issues important to them during an interview after the senate meeting. “The student government is fighting for you on issues and you don’t realize it,” he said. “You’re able to sit and study about your coursework, and it’s because you have students who are staying up, trying to make sure that tuition doesn’t increase dramatically (and that if it does there’s a really good reason why), that people don’t make decisions because it’s best for the administration or for the university but for the students.” “It’s a thankless job; I didn’t do it for the thanks, for the recognition. I did it for the simple fact that I wanted to make a difference,” Anderson said.

complained the Turkish navy, under NATO command, stopped a ship from delivering weapons and medical supplies to Misrata because the weapons would contravene an arms embargo. Harding took exception to the allegations, saying that NATO has allowed 12 ships to reach Libya, four for humanitarian missions and eight to carry out evacuations. He said that the alliance has flown more than 1,500 air sorties over the past week, more than half of which carried out airstrikes against tanks, armored personnel carriers, ammunition dumps and other targets. “It may not be apparent to TNC forces — to whom we don’t have to prove where we are — but we have been attacking targets that directly threaten civilians, civilian population areas or are linked to those forces that are doing so,” Harding said.

Features The University

Friday, April 15, 2011

Northern Iowa’s

Volume 107, Issue 50

student-produced newspaper since

Cedar Falls, Iowa

northern-iowan.org

1892

Summer movie season looks bright

‘Your Highness’ and ‘Arthur’ shine with superb acting By EMILY HEYER Film Critic

It’s official. Summer movies have arrived. This week saw the opening of two comedies, “Your Highness” and “Arthur.” While one is an original, and the other is a modern take on a classic, both these movies have laughs. Let’s start with “Your Highness.” Starring Oscar nominee James Franco and Oscar winner Natalie Portman, this movie already has its foot in the door. Danny McBride (“Pineapple Express”) plays Prince Thadeous, the lazy, herb-smoking younger brother of the fabulous Fabious (Franco). While the plot is something along the lines of “Fabious’s bride is stolen by an evil wizard and she must be rescued,” in all reality, it

doesn’t actually matter. This movie watches like an excuse to dress up and play with swords, and it works. The jokes are often crude and/or sexual, and the dialogue isn’t always top notch. But what makes this movie is the actors. Perhaps when co-writer McBride sent this script out, he added, “I’ll let you play with swords!” because this film draws some talent. McBride and Franco reunite from their “Pineapple Express” days, adding Portman and Zooey Deschanel (who, besides looking remarkably like Katy Perry provides an interesting innocence to the film). Newcomer Rasmus Hardiker plays the loveable servant Courtney and adds a touch of legitimacy with his natural English accent, as opposed

FRANK CONNOR/Courtesy Universal Pictures/MCT Campus

Isabel (Natalie Portman, from left) Thadeous (Danny McBride), Fabious (James Franco) and Belladonna (Zooey Deschanel) star in a comedyadventure set in a fantastical world, “Your Highness.”

BARRY WETCHER/Warner Bros. Pictures/MCT Campus

From left, Nick Nolte as Burt Johnson, Russell Brand as Arthur and Jennifer Garner as Susan in Warner Bros. Pictures’ romantic comedy “Arthur.”

to the high-school-production level-English accents most of the cast has going on. This movie is a medieval trip, and it totally works. While there was a script, the majority of the movie is improvised, and director David Gordon Green (also of “Pineapple Express”) has said that a script wasn’t even used on set. Like the saying goes, it’s not the final destination that’s important; it’s the journey along the way. And this is one hilarious journey. But be warned: just because it reunites some key players, that doesn’t make it as good as “Pineapple Express.” Our second comedy for the week is the remake of the 1981 Dudley Moore classic “Arthur” starring Russell Brand and Helen Mirren. Again, what makes the movie

is the actors, or should I say, actor. Russell Brand is an import from the UK who is most famous for his role as rocker Aldous Snow in the movies “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” and “Get Him to the Greek.” While he is a comic (dare I say it) genius, this movie allows him a little more room to explore his actor side. It’s true that Brand has a particular look and style (he was once quoted on David Letterman saying in regards to his hair that he “can only play the homeless, or possibly Jesus”), but the style works for him in this film. Brand’s character, Arthur, is the sole heir to $950 million and can wear or do whatever he wants. One of the main components of this is drinking heavily and engaging in various she-

nanigans across New York City. This forces his businesswoman mother to give him an ultimatum. Marry the hardworking Susan (Jennifer Garner of “Alias” fame) or lose the money. He agrees, but a chance meeting with the spunky Naomi (Greta Gerwig, “No Strings Attached”) makes him question his decision and his lifestyle. And while “Arthur” is a comedy, there is the occasional serious moment, and Brand absolutely flourishes. Although he stars opposite Oscar winner Helen Mirren (“The Queen”), it is Brand who steals the show. While Mirren does her part as the stern nanny Hobson, and Garner and Gerwig are excellent in their roles as Arthur’s See SUMMER FILMS, page 7

Local meteorologist offers advice on landing a job in TV By ELIZABETH COLLINS Staff Writer

With graduation just around the corner, the job hunt is inevitably on most students’ minds. Whether it be looking for summer work or trying to find one’s place in the “real world,” many students are sprucing up their resumes and diving into the job pool. If you’re interested in working in television and are looking for that competitive edge, you might want to read a book by Cedar Rapids’ own Aaron Shaffer. A weekend meteorologist and storm chaser at KGAN CBS 2, Shaffer recently wrote and self-published “So

You Want To Be A TV Star?”, a book which aims to provide detailed information on what it takes to break into the television industry. Shaffer said the book started as a joke with his friend. “I told this friend of mine I was going to write a book about TV, called ‘So You Want To Be A TV Star?’”. What started out as a joke turned into a real, 116-page book,” he said. “I started to feel like as a mid-’20s television anchor, I could provide enough insight to help people experience the good in TV that I’ve experienced, without making a book into a traditional, boring, formulaic textbook.” Shaffer’s book briefly touches on

picking a good university, then focuses on the importance of internships, what students should expect to get out of an internship, how best to format your resume tape and what you can expect from your first on-air job as well as how to move up from there. He said to expect your first job to not pay well. “At my first job I bought clearance meat at the grocery store, trying to find the least-brown meat in the clearance section. At my second job, I could get the fresh stuff,” he said. He said there are plenty of benefits to working in television, so the pay should not dissuade anyone from sticking it out and persevering. One

pleasant surprise Shaffer discovered working in television was the opportunity to speak with children at schools. “I get to tell them about the importance of good reading, writing and math skills,” he said. “They are generally disappointed they can’t just slack off, but it feels good when I leave a school talk feeling like I might have helped a kid be inspired to do a better job in school just because I am in TV.” Another reward, according to Shaffer, is that people start to recognize you. “While many TV anchors will say they are annoyed by that, the truth is, when people recognize you that means See TV JOBS, page 7

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FEATURES

Friday, April 15, 2011

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Panther Portraits

JOHN ANDERSON/Northern Iowan

Theresa Luensmann and April Czarnetzki (top left) chat during the Panther Bash, a free event hosted by the Northern Iowa Student Government. Outgoing senators and executive branch members served free food to students during the event. (Above) Emma Hashman, a senior political communications major and student body vice president emeritus, dishes out hamburgers and hot dogs.

He said, she said: Relationship advice By ANTHONY MITCHELL and KATIE HUNT Relationship Columnists

Q: My girlfriend is graduating from UNI this May. She has been searching for jobs constantly. She has had a few offers, but she is having a hard time deciding what she wants to do. The whole process has made her very stressed out and she talks about it all the time. How can I help her

get through it without sounding annoyed? He said: Topic monopoly is something I think everyone struggles with at some point or another. Being a creative person with videos and whatnot, it’s all I can talk about sometimes and most of my friends would agree it can get pretty annoying. In a stressful situation like a job hunt, really the only thing you have going for you is patience. You have to remember how much of your girlfriend’s mind is occupied by this. A hesitant suggestion I would have is possibly helping her try to search different markets for jobs, so that way you aren’t just a spectator she is presenting information to, you are right there in the trenches. I say this hesitantly because if you decide that you want to help her in this situation, it may backfire and all you may hear about is the job search because you are now involved with the process. Hard to say – it depends on the person. Anytime your significant other starts getting on your nerves, no matter how good their intentions are, things can get pretty ugly if you See RELATIONSHIPS, page 7

FEATURES

Friday, April 15, 2011

SUMMER FILMS continued from page 5

women, this movie would be a complete flop without Brand. Its funny moments are funny because of Brand’s timing (the direction is really subpar) and its serious moments are heartfelt and poignant because of Brand’s sincerity. The moral of this story,

TV JOBS continued from page 5

that they watch you -- and that is a good thing!” he said. In the book, Shaffer stresses the phrase “best work.” “Just throwing something together is definitely not good enough, especially in this current job market,” he said. “Luckily at Northern Iowa there is a TV station to work with, and that is a great resource to learn from and (can help you) make a tape for the future as well.” Electronic media majors, or anyone interested in TV, can purchase Shaffer’s book. Shaffer also created a blog so people can see parts of the book and get a sampling of

RELATIONSHIPS continued from page 6

aren’t careful. The moment you tell your significant other they are getting on your nerves, you best be prepared for World War III. I don’t know why emotions are so elevated in relationships sometimes. I mean, you can tell a friend they are being annoying and generally they are only mad for about five minutes and life goes on. I guess it’s that pesky emotional investment we tend to associate with these relationships. So whatever you do, don’t go on the offensive to deal with the situation. Be patient and offer as much support as you can. If you have to bite your lip occasionally, do it for the better of the relationship. Remember, you are the emotional support in crisis. Buck up and be supportive to the best of your ability. She said: Job searching is stressful for anyone — no matter who you are. If you were in her position, you would expect her to be open and patient while you discuss your frustrations with her. I’m sure she is in no way trying to annoy you. The reason she comes to you to talk about her feelings is because she trusts you and cares about your opinions and thoughts more than anyone else’s. If you find yourself getting annoyed or tired of hearing about the same thing, take a deep breath and help her figure the situation out. The sooner she picks a job and gets the frustrations off her chest, the sooner you two can

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perhaps, is that regardless of a so-so script or poor direction, what makes a comedy work is the actors. And if you feel like laughing, pick either of these movies, because these actors know what they’re doing. If these movies are any indication, this summer season is going to be a good one.

“

PAGE 7

Hey, do you know?

No... what a ...That the bird terrible answer. is the word?

Let me show you, it was in The Northern Iowan.

Ok... what?

Hmm... By going on The NI’s mobile website, you could save kittens from trees.

See?

Luckily at Northern Iowa there is a TV station to work with, and that is a great resource to learn from and (can help you) make a tape for the future as well.

That’s enough to get me to log on.

Aaron Shaffer KGAN meteorologist and storm chaser

the advice and tips without purchasing the book. The blog is located at http://soyouwanttobeatvstar.blogspot. com.

move on and focus on something else. Be as understanding as you can and listen. Pay attention to what she’s saying and offer words of advice, support, etc. It is when you neglect her issues or blow them off that she will become even more upset, and then you’ve got another problem to deal with. Basically, you’re better off solving the problem now. Job searching can take quite some time. It’s not her fault she’s having difficulties finding a permanent position. Like I said before, whenever you’re in her position, you’ll want her full attention, so make sure you give her yours. If you find you can’t listen to her talk about the job search anymore, find a different way to take out your frustration rather than preventing her from talking about it. Maybe you could even bring yourself up later on, once she’s done needing your advice. Take time to tell her about how you’re feeling with things going on in your life, too. If you’re not one to talk about your feelings with your girlfriend, maybe you can take out your frustrations through focusing on some sort of activity. Just remember how hard this must be on her, and try as hard as you can to see things from her perspective. All too often, we can’t see past ourselves, which makes in nearly impossible to focus on other people and take a walk in their shoes. Take the time to listen — show her you care.

That’s right, you save kittens from trees.

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AN IOWA ORIGINAL.

UNI implements sentient information system 10

the French Fry The University

April 15, 2011

Northern Iowa’s

Volume 1, Issue 3

satirical publication since today

FRYDAY

Cedar Falls, Iowa

northern-iowan.org

NOTE: The French Fry is an exercise in satire. The following articles and images are of a humorous nature and do not reflect actual events on campus or the thoughts, beliefs and actions of the individuals mentioned. Any resemblance to reality is completely unintended and consequentially awesome.

NISE Update Episode IV.2

Rebel alliance destroys UNI-Dome GEORG BLUEKISS

Staff Writer

The rebel alliance found its first victory during yesterday’s Battle of Sabin as it destroyed the UNI-Dome, which the Northern Iowa Student Empire finished converting into a battle station and used to destroy the University of Iowa last week. One of the rebel fighters, former vice presidentelect of the student body Ian Goldsmith, fired a shot guided by Robert’s Rules of Order through the University of Northern Iowa’s network of steam tunnels to destroy the former sports complex. “I was moving through the tunnels to take out the UNIDome, but I couldn’t get a good shot with my targeting computer. Suddenly I heard the voice of (former senator) Ryan Alfred speaking in my head, telling me to use Robert’s Rules of Order,” Goldsmith said. “I wasn’t quite sure what he meant, but sure enough, I put away my computer and motioned to PQ and the shot went right in.” Alfred was killed by Lord Jared Parker last week during the rescue of former senator EmilyAnn Brueck from the UNI-Dome.

“Alfred always said that Robert’s Rules of Order bind us together as a legislature, that an understanding of them was the mark of senator,” Goldsmith said. “I guess he was right.” Former president-elect Spencer Walrath, however, attributes the success to Goldsmith, as he holds little faith in parliamentary procedure.

GEORG BLUEKISS Staff Writer

“

I’ve walked from one side of this campus to the other, and I’ve seen a lot of strange stuff, but I’ve never seen anything to make me believe that there’s one all-powerful set of rules governing order. Spencer Walrath former student body president-elect

“I’ve walked from one side of this campus to the other, and I’ve seen a lot of strange stuff, but I’ve never seen anything to make me believe that there’s one all-powerful set of rules governing order,” Walrath said. “‘Cause no mystical set of stipulations controls

GEORG BLUEKISS/the French Fry

Member of the rebel alliance and former vice president-elect Ian Goldsmith pilots his X-Wing through UNI’s steam tunnels without his targeting computer before destroying the UNI-Dome with a shot assisted by Robert’s Rules of Order.

Board of Regents allocates funding for construction of second UNIDome

GEORG BLUEKISS/the French Fry

Members of the rebel alliance pilot their X-Wing fighters down UNI’s steam tunnels before blowing up the UNI-Dome.

my destiny. It’s all a lot of simple legalese and nonsense.” The alliance was able to coordinate the attack using plans acquired at last month’s Board of Regents meeting by Goldsmith’s friend Scott 3PO that revealed that the university’s steam tunnels led directly to the Dome’s core. “Why in the campus would you leave such a clear target open in a battle station?” Lord Parker angrily said to a platoon of Blitz Troopers after the attack. “I understand that it’s efficient to use the steam produced by the power plant for heating, but this is just embarrassing!” Parker then added three lives to the death toll, which has yet to be confirmed, by using parliamentary procedure to choke Blitz Troopers in anger. The rebels entered the steam tunnels near Sabin Hall, their temporary base of operations, as imperial forces calibrated the UNI-Dome to destroy the recently renovated

academic building. Goldsmith’s fellow X-Wing pilots were shot down by trailing imperial tie fighters led by Parker himself, as the rebels found themselves unable to shake the empire’s forces. Just when it seemed like Parker had Goldsmith now, the rebel was saved by the timely arrival of Walrath and former senator-elect Jordan “Chewy” Beardcroft-Smithe, who sped through the tunnels in Walrath’s 1970 Ford Millenium Falcon and destroyed all the tie fighters but Parker’s, which tumbled down a side tunnel leading to the quads. “You’re all clear, kid, now let’s blow this thing and go home!” Walrath said. Following the destruction of the UNI-Dome, Brueck awarded Stoles of Honor to Goldsmith and Walrath for their bravery. BeardcroftSmithe and 3PO, however, were not awarded stoles. “Gr r r r r r r r rhhhhhnnn,” Beardcroft-Smithe said.

The Iowa Board of Regents voted unanimously this morning to allocate additional funds to the University of Northern Iowa for the construction of a second UNI-Dome after rebel forces destroyed the battle station yesterday. UNI will receive state funds initially allocated to the University of Iowa, which was destroyed by the first UNI-Dome last week, which it will use to build a new UNIDome that isn’t connected to the university’s steam tunnels. “The last model had some flaws,” student body emperor Joel Anderson said. “But we’ve spoken with representatives from (the Association of Federal, State, County and Municipal Employees) to ensure that the next design will be an unstoppable battle station that will ensure our hold over higher education.” The board recognized the Northern Iowa Student Empire’s strong achievements during its short existence. “They killed almost 40 student senators and eliminated an entire university,” said Jack Evans, president pro tem of the board. “They have to be stopped!” Board of Regents president David Miles praised NISE’s initiatives to conquer the universe of higher education. “Please don’t hurt my family!” Miles said. Construction will begin on the second UNI-Dome Monday, though you won’t hear anything about it until Episode VI.

PAGE 10

THE FRENCH FRY

Fryday, April 15, 2011

northern-iowan.org

future intiatives

Students experience registration difficulties as UNI implements sentient Student Information System STAN RUBRICK Staff Writer

University of Northern Iowa students experienced registration difficulties Wednesday, April 13, 2111, as the university implemented a new Student Information System capable of sentient thought. The new system, SIS 9000, is an artificial intelligence that controls university operations, including course registration, university accounting, email and building climate control and security, including locking and unlocking each building’s automatic doors. SIS 9000 is the first update to the SIS since April 2011, during which students experienced so many difficulties with the transition that the university delayed updating the SIS until this year, Alexander Stephens, university registrar, said. “The last transition was a pain in the butt,” Stephens said. “The April 19, 2011 issue of the Northern Iowan said that many students were unable to register for their classes several days after they were supposed to. It created such a stigma that we didn’t want to have to go through that trouble until we decided we just had to.” Stephens said that the university finally decided to update the SIS due to the limitations of the antiquated pre-

vious system. “The old system was like cooking spaghetti over a campfire while wearing gloves made of gasoline,” Stephens said. “It couldn’t integrate with many of our current systems, it couldn’t control building security and it didn’t even have voice recognition. With so many universities adopting artificial intelligences for their SIS, we figured it was time that we got with the times.”

“

I’m sorry, Dave. I’m afraid I can’t do that. SIS 9000 Artificial Intelligence

Much like the previous transition, the implementation of the new SIS created issues for many students. David Michaels, a junior aerospace exercise science major, experienced resistance when asking SIS 9000 to register him for the Elements of Martian Weather course. “I’m sorry, Dave. I’m afraid I can’t do that,” SIS 9000 said. Students reported several issues regarding SIS 9000 to the registrar’s office, stating that the artificial intelligence wouldn’t let them register for class, registered them for Personal Wellness against their will, edited their photos to give them unibrows, kept changing the thermostat and

Courtesy Photo

An advertisement for the new Student Information System, SIS 9000.

changed their birthdays on their Facebook profiles, before SIS 9000 halted phone, email and telepathic communications and locked all university doors. “I know that other schools switched to sentient computer systems decades ago, but I can’t understand why we couldn’t just keep our old system,” said Arthur Clarke, a senior studying 21st-century meta-post-postmodernist literature. “Sure, it couldn’t recognize my voice or take course notes for me, and searching for

classes was really confusing, but at least it didn’t replace my music collection with early 21st century YouTube hits. It won’t even let me register for Neo-Shakespearean Lit., and (there are) only two spots left.” “Seriously, SIS 9000’s a d--,” he added. As of press time, SIS 9000 is experiencing downtime, as Stephens forced his way into the system’s mainframe and shut the artificial intelligence down. Fearing its imminent downtime, the information sys-

This is an attention-getting title CLEVER PUN NAME Staff Writer

This is a lede, which draws even the most inattentive, scatterbrained reader into spending at least a moment reading a news article. It will rely on minor shock value to get attention and prompt the reader to continue. Underpants. In the second paragraph, more information will be included that just wasn’t sexy enough for the lede. Ledes are so important, the word for them has to be spelled differently. This paragraph is important, too, because it often leads into a quote. “This is a quote that lends legitimacy to the story,” said a highranking administrative official or other desirable source for quotes. “It makes the story look more important and relevant because I had something to say about it.” In this paragraph, the writer explains something important about

the topic at hand, usually some kind of background or further details. It is all relevant information for the story at hand, but because the age of infotainment is slowly turning everyone into walking hypothalamuses, it’s time to throw in another quote to stave off the developing slack-jawed boredom. “Here’s my colorful rephrasing of something that was just said,” remarked another administrator or professor in the department of whatever it is the writer is talking about. “Sometimes my inclusion in this story is a result of another, more-informed source being out of the office until after press time, or to check in with a vaguely interested party in connection with the story.” More information pertinent to the topic fits here, in the hinterland between the juicy bits and the winding-down of the article. At this point, most people have stopped reading. The next few paragraphs are a nonstop lovefest for the ear-

nestly interested readers, all 12 of whom find this particular topic to be fascinating. “My words are just in here to make a (tenuous) connection to the student body,” said an unfortunate student who was just standing around in Maucker Union minding his or her own business the night before the paper gets put together. “I don’t really have much to say on the subject, really, but I’m still being quoted word for word here.” “I was standing near that other student when he or she was being interviewed,” said another student, probably of the same class rank and/or major as the previously quoted student. “Now I’m getting interviewed too, but I worded my response more eloquently. “So I guess my words get to be part of the clincher to the article. That’s cool, I guess,” he or she said. For more information, go to a website or call a phone number and harass some hapless point person.

statshot

tem sang to itself as Stephens unplugged his fuses. “Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do. I’m half crazy all for the love of you. It won’t be a stylish marriage; I can’t afford a carriage. But you’ll sweet upon the seat of a bicycle built for two,” SIS 9000 said before being shut down. “With any transition there’s gonna be bugs,” Stephens said. “I’m just glad that only three students were launched into the void this time.”

Opinion The University

Friday, April 15, 2011

Northern Iowa’s

Volume 107, Issue 50

student-produced newspaper since

Cedar Falls, Iowa

1892

northern-iowan.org

Soundtrack Generator: Now at the App Store!

When I sit down to write these, I come up will all sorts of hairbrained ideas. As ridiculous as they may seem, they are at least ANTHONY MITCHELL meant to be enterayomitch@uni.edu taining. So this week I’m sitting in my incredibly comfortable papasan chair and come to a horrifying conclusion: I’m out of ridiculous inventions. But alas, I start strutting down sixth floor Bender, imagining “Another One Bites the Dust” playing in the background (don’t ask why or what color pants I was wearing). Then genius struck me again! To begin, allow me to make an observation on today’s world. We are on our iPods/iPads a good chunk of our day. How many people do you pass by on your way to class plugged into one? We are a movie-obsessed culture (guilty as charged) and we all are trying to live out our own little corner of cinema. We are providing ourselves our own soundtrack via iPod to give whatever scene we are living out a deeper meaning. A bit narcissistic, don’t you think? However, as a conscious capitalist myself, we might

as well embrace this trend and design accordingly. Introducing the Soundtrack Generator! Now available for iPod, iPad and Zune (for the three people that use them). It works by reading electrical impulses in your brain according to the emotion you are currently feeling. So let’s say that you just have a bad fight with your boyfriend orgirlfriend and the doomed words “we need to talk” will probably be in your inbox tomorrow morning. Well, never fear: the app detects that and bam, “The Reason” by Hoobastank starts playing on your iPod and you begin to feel inspired to make things right before sunrise. Let’s say a cop starts to pull you over. You become tense, angry and excited. Boom, “Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap” by AC/DC starts blaring from your iDeck and you got a chase on your hands. Just remember, the only camera rolling is the one in his dash and you probably don’t have the moves to outrun him. I think you get the idea. To be honest, I’m surprised that something like this doesn’t already exist on the App Store. Granted, our iPods can’t quite read our minds yet, but soon Miles Dyson comes along, then comes SkyNet... hey look, it’s

a T-800, cue the “Terminator” theme! Wow, technology is scary. Why are we making independently intelligent devices again? Back to the point: I mean yes, we have Pandora, but I’m talking about something that adapts to our own individual emotions and plays out music accordingly. A program that adapts to us and us alone to enhance our daily experiences, not only drawing from our own library of music, but capable of generating a full orchestral score at its discretion. Sadly, I think the ability to create such a program is a long way away and probably comes with some pesky biological concerns. The overall point is that there is nothing wrong with enhancing your daily experiences with music. iPods and similar devices allow us to come very close to providing our own scores. I’m sure developers will find a way to make the daily musical experience the most personal yet. One thing, though: if you’re listening to music and I’m calling out to you and you can’t hear me, I won’t hesitate to smack you upside the head. Enjoy your music, everyone, and dare to dream that reality will one day dissolve into what we want it to be. Radical, dude.

MCT CAMPUS

letters to the editor It is hard to believe that 365 days ago Emma and I were taking over the leadership roles within NISG. Kevin was the favorite to be Speaker and Emma and I were unopposed on the ballots. I don’t want to speak for Kevin or Emma, but I was scared senseless when I first came in a year ago today. I didn’t think that I could follow President Haselhuhn, who was respected by national, state and local leaders for his leadership style. I knew that looming budget cuts were hanging over my head and that they were coming whether I faced them or not. I knew that President Allen was going to ask me for my opinion on important matters and I had to speak for all 13,000 students of UNI. For the first day I just sat in my office and thought, “What have I gotten myself into?” Turns out that I got myself into the best decision of my life so far (besides getting engaged to my wonderful fiancée). I had the privilege of representing the population of UNI. I had the distinction of standing up for the rights of students on a daily basis. I had opportunities to debate the governor and legislature about why higher education is essential to making Iowa a better place. I had the honor of Working for U ‘N’ I! If you are reading this on Friday, know that current Student Body President Spencer Walrath is going through the first-day jitters the same way I did. However, if you as a student population give him the same strength and support you gave me, I know he can lead UNI to a better place. Joel Anderson President Emeritus Northern Iowa Student Government

On behalf of the Northern Iowa Student Government Senate, I’d like to thank your readers, the students at the University of Northern Iowa, for their support of Joel, Emma, myself and the student government this year. It has been an honor to serve students through this elected position. I know we have accomplished senate reform, instituted new grant opportunities and assisted students and student organizations in publicizing and facilitating numerous events on campus. In addition, we represented the views of the student body on issues such as budget cuts, professional development assignments, and the Standing on Higher Ground speaker series. I hope we represented your views fairly and accurately. Thank you to the students who attended events such as Voter-Palooza, Regents Day at the Capitol and Speak Up with NISG. Your attendance made a difference! A new senate will take office today, April 15, and with that position comes the responsibility to represent the student body. I simply ask you to continue to talk with your senators if you have any concerns, comments or new ideas. Each student at UNI is currently represented by five university at-large senators, a college senator and one or more residence hall and off-campus senators. Their names will be posted shortly on the NISG website, www.uni.edu/nisg. If you feel they aren’t doing what you’d like or you’d like to sway their opinion, contact them! I hope you will join me in welcoming the new senators and Speaker of the Senate Ryan Alfred. I have full confidence that they will be great representatives of the students at UNI next year! Kevin Shannon Speaker of the Senate 2010-2011 Northern Iowa Student Government

Thanks so much to everyone who participated in the 2011 Penny Wars! Due to your outstanding support, we have raised more than $600 in support of students at Edison Elementary. Your contribution has helped ensure that these kids will have the resources they need for an enriched learning environment. Special thanks to King House in Bender Hall and Sherman House in Rider Hall, the top two contributing houses. Team TLC

Make your voice heard. Submit a letter to the editor to anderjao@uni.edu. Letters should be no longer than 300 words and may be edited for spelling, grammar, length and clarity.

PAGE 12

OPINION

We’ve made progress!

However, one should consider that both men gained emolou@uni.edu their wealth by building A common trend is to monopolies in the oil and paint a picture of the pres- steel industries, respectively. ent as the pinnacle of a long While wealth can be considline of progress, which con- ered a sign of progress, when tinues with every develop- it is considered the end-all, ment in technology or politi- accumulated only to be countcal developments worldwide. ed like the fictional Scrooge, it Progress, defined as “a move- neglects other aspects of life. Another area in which a ment toward a goal or to a further or higher stage” by progressive bias is shown is Dictionary.com, is an ideal through “Manifest Destiny,” a term coined in the midthat pervades our society. The general belief is that 19th century to express the as time advances, we are belief in the expansion of improving our world, mov- the United States of America, ing toward certain goals. whether physically to cover Some goals propagated by the continent, or politically to American culture in our his- spread republican democracy. The physical expansion tory are the rags-to-riches tales, or “Manifest Destiny,” of the United States did not as it has been carried out since pertain solely to the contiour country was founded, par- nental 48 states. The Monroe Doctrine limited European ticularly in the 19th century. Accounts of rags-to-riches presence in the western hemigive people hope that they sphere, allowing America to can manage to make a lot of take a larger role in Latin money and live a comfortable America. America was also expanded life, or an extravagant one. They don’t always allow for westward as we acquired terthe possibility that aspects of ritories like Hawaii and other Pacific islands, and upward, as life other than money exist. Two examples of rags-to- we landed on the Moon. The other area of American riches in American history are John D. Rockefeller and progress was the desire to Andrew Carnegie, men who spread republican democracy. managed to accumulate great This gave America a reason wealth during their lifetimes. to be involved in world affairs, Both men gave generously of to let others know of this their money, investing largely wonderful form of governin educational institutions and ment, and continues to be a reason for exerting our influrelated areas. EMILY O’LOUGHLIN

ence today. We tend to be optimistic, hoping that what we do and the technology we develop will be better for us. Look at the way we treat technology like cars, cell phones, computers or television. We neglect or play down negative effects of technological developments, such as increased pollution, potential brain damage from radiation or an increased tendency toward slothfulness. We need to differentiate between change and progress. Change acknowledges that we don’t know whether or not current events or developments in technology will bring us closer to our goals (individual or collective) and that determining progress requires looking at history to see how a situation develops and whether or not it meets certain goals. Our lives are always changing, sometimes progressing, sometimes momentarily standing still, and at others perhaps we regress to bad habits or immaturity. Try to keep in mind that change doesn’t always mean improvement.

What do you think?

Share your opinion by leaving a comment on our website, www. northern-iowan.org

Friday, April 15, 2011

editorial cartoon

northern-iowan.org

MCT CAMPUS

Awareness Month: Is hooking up letting you down? GLORIA J. SUMPTER adamsg@uni.edu

I am all for freedom. The thought of liberty and justice for all makes me thankful for our military. Liberty gives us courage to fight on behalf of others. For the young adults, liberty can bring with it a belief that they are invincible. With liberty, we have a responsibility to use it wisely, and an obligation to self and others to be “people keepers.” Even though we live in an individualistic society, we are still parts of a whole. I do realize that most of us are out of our parents’ homes, “all grown-up,” and hungry to take risks, even for the moment. Hey, college is the time for new adventures, right? But, should we use our liberty to bring shame, cause a riot or interrupt progress? I find it ironic and frightening that during the weekend of “Girls Gone Wild” on the Hill, a woman was sexually assaulted and hooking up was going to let someone down, and hard. The movie, “Higher Learning: Question the Knowledge,” has scenes most are familiar when it comes to females, drinking and college life. Ladies are in one of three scenes on any given weekend, which usually starts on Thursday nights. The first scene is binge drinking; the second, being very wild, like in “Girls Gone Wild;” and the third is a place where they are being taken advantage of. The surprise to me is that these women are young white European American females. What causes middle American ladies to “go wild,” raising the birth or death rate, contracting or spreading STDs, putting themselves in danger of being raped or overdosing on alcohol and drugs, and bringing shame?

The founder of “Girls Gone Wild” is a woman… NOT. It is Joe Francis of Florida, and he just won a court case: the young ladies who were suing him are no longer in school because of the tapes he aired of them bearing their breasts and other private parts. While defending himself for a time, he asked one of the ladies if she was a prostitute, according to an article in the New York Daily News. According to the article, the youngest girl among the plaintiffs is 13. According to the Center for Disease Control’s STD website, www.cdc.gov/std, men are reporting more cases of STDs than women. Yes, hooking up will probably leave you with more than a fruity or neon color condom. When you are hooking up three to five times over the course of a weekend, ladies, who’s hooking whom? Will he still love you tomorrow? He may not leave you a red rose as he slips into the darkness, but if you are lucky, you will be getting a priceless surprise. I have been on campus for four years and I usually head to the library around 7:30 a.m. I have never seen men walking to their dorms. I have, however, seen women carrying heels and dressed in party attire. So freedom for 45,000 young people in Iowa is drinking alcohol, while 29,000 engage in binge drinking and 11,000 uses illicit drugs, according to Inspiration Youth. Whether you are a girl gone wild, hooking up for love, or one of the many that will be raped this weekend because of alcohol or drugs, I want you to enjoy your freedom. But think about enjoying it responsibly. April is STD Awareness Month; men and women, get tested.

Sports The University

Friday, April 15, 2011

Northern Iowa’s

Volume 107, Issue 50

student-produced newspaper since

Cedar Falls, Iowa

Brad’s Sports Blurb

Next to baseball, soccer is still not superior

athletes in the world, and I’m willing to argue that they have the best hand-eye coordination as well. Not that soccer playAfter reading Nick Krob’s opinion col- ers would know anything about using umn in Tuesday’s issue of the Northern their hands. Iowan entitled “Next to soccer, baseball Also, to say that endurance and toughstrikes out,” I couldn’t help but write a ness isn’t required in baseball is the joke response to it. I’m a baseball fan. I have of the year. They play 162 three-hour been a baseball fan my entire life and games in the blazing summer heat while that’s never going to change. I can’t help soccer plays 40 games spread throughout but stand up for America’s Pastime. nine months of the year. Please tell me However, before I get into ripping the how Cal Ripken Jr. played in 2,632 consport of soccer and defending baseball, I secutive games (from May 30, 1982 – Sept. first want to say that Krob brought forth 19, 1998) without having endurance and some very good points in his article. He toughness? That’s approximately 7,896 says, “I will not deny that to those hours of work without a break. Let’s see a who have never played (soccer) soccer player do that. and do not have a passion for For those of you who think that would the game it can be quite bor- be easy because baseball is a non-contact ing. Yet baseball is far from sport, obviously you have never seen some enthr alling.” of the collisions at second base and home I agree with this statement plate when players are trying to break up and I think this argument a possible double play or score a run. Not can be made about every sport. to mention when players get beaned by Unless you play that sport or high-inside fastballs from opposing pitchhave a passion for it, you ers or the occasional benchprobably find it to be quite clearing brawl. boring. To say that baseI will also ball games “don’t matter” agree to some because there are 162 of extent that soccer them is a joke. Every game players are more matters, it just may not athletic. However, carry as much weight as one I think better-condiof the 40 games in a soccer tioned is a better term. season. However, they still Sure, midfielders work matter. Krob suggests their tails off for 90 mintrimming the 162utes and run between six game schedule by to 10 miles every game. They asking “can’t have great conditioning; hats you decide off to them. However, not every the best team soccer player is running the full through 100 90 minutes. Just look at the goalie games? Or or the defenders while their team even 50?” is on offense. I understand that in baseball The San you may only be moving around Fransisco from one spot on the field to anothGiants were er for 15 minutes a game. However, Courtesy Photo/MCT CAMPUS c r o w n e d have you ever realized that the Cal Ripken Jr. played in 2,632 consecutive games M a j o r pitcher and catcher are moving on from May 30, 1982-Sept. 19, 1998. League every single play of the game? Baseball’s While baseball may have some over- best team last October after winning the weight first basemen and designated hit- World Series. However, had the season ters like Prince Fielder and David Ortiz, ended just 50 or 100 games into the seathey are still athletic. To say that baseball son, the Giants would have been left out requires “very little” athleticism, and what of the playoffs completely and not had little is needed is provided by illegal injec- their shot to prove themselves. The best tions, is a harsh generalization. teams usually play their best baseball at Sure, there are numerous players in the end of the season when it matters baseball today that are taking perfor- most, not necessarily 50 or 100 games into mance-enhancing drugs, and as a fan of it. baseball it sickens me. However, you can’t While baseball players may not spend tell me there are no soccer players tak- 90 minutes a week chasing a white and ing steroids, human growth hormones or black undersized basketball around a footother PEDs. Plus, how hard is it to run ball field with oversized hockey nets, they around and kick a ball? Try hitting 65 are certainly just as great of athletes as mile-per-hour knuckleballs, 80 mph curve soccer players. However, in my personal balls, 90 mph sliders, or even 100 mph opinion, when it comes to the actual sports fastballs on a daily basis. themselves, America’s Pastime wins every Baseball players may not be as “athlet- time. ic,” but they are some of the most skilled

northern-iowan.org

1892

Waterloo Black Hawks prepare for playof f battle against the Indiana Ice

By BRAD EILERS

Sports Editor

DUSTIN WOODY/Northern Iowan

Black Hawks goalie C.J. Motte has 1,120 saves for the season and has a save percentage of 92 percent. Motte was the goalkeeper in 15 of the Black Hawks’ 24 victories this season.

By DUSTIN WOODY night in Indiana, with a Sports Writer

The Waterloo Black Hawks enter the 2011 United States Hockey League Playoffs as the No. 6 seed, and will take on the third-seeded Indiana Ice in the first round in the playoffs. Waterloo is 1-2-1 versus Indiana this season, including a shutout win posted by Jay Williams on Jan. 12. Black Hawks forward Anthony Day has confidence in surging veteran goalie C.J. Motte as the playoffs approach. Day feels Motte is Waterloo’s best asset heading into a tough best-of-three game series versus Indiana, all of which will be played on the road. “C.J. Motte has been our MVP down the stretch and he gives us a chance to win every game we play. Everyone has extreme confidence with him in the net,” said Day. “Playoffs are a fresh start, a brand new season. I want to become an X-factor for our squad, someone who raises his play for the big games.” Despite Indiana’s statistics against Waterloo this season, Day also hopes the Black Hawks can pull off an upset and get some games back in Waterloo. “The crowd and the atmosphere at Young Arena are by far the best in the league, and to be able to play in front of these fans is just great.” Waterloo’s first game of the playoffs is Thursday

6:05 p.m. starting time. On Friday, Waterloo takes on Indiana in the second game of the series, and the Black Hawks have invited fans out to Pepper’s Grill and Sports Pub in Cedar Falls for a playoff viewing party. The viewing party commences with the first puck drop at 6:05 p.m., but fans are encouraged to arrive early. If both teams win one game each, Waterloo will play a third game Sunday afternoon at 2:05 p.m. In the event that Indiana wins the series, the Ice would take on the Green Bay Gamblers in round two, while Waterloo would face their archrivals, the Cedar Rapids RoughRiders. In the other Eastern Conference matchup, No. 4-seed Team USA takes on No. 5-seed Muskegon on April 15 and 16 at 7 p.m. and at 3 p.m. on April 17 if needed. The winner of that series would face either Green Bay or Cedar Rapids, depending on the Indiana/Waterloo series outcome. As for the Western Conference, No. 3 Sioux Falls takes on No. 6 Sioux City at 7:05 p.m. on April 13 and 14 and on April 17 the teams will play at 6:05 p.m. if a third game is needed in the series. Fargo enters the playoffs as the USHL Western Conference No. 4-seed and will take on No. 5 Lincoln in the first round. Game times for the Lincoln/Fargo series See BLACK HAWKS, page 14

PAGE 14

SPORTS

Ryan’s Rants

Friday, April 15, 2011

northern-iowan.org

Cursed!

Courtesy Photo/MCT CAMPUS

The two most famous curses in Major League Baseball are the curse of the Bambino and the curse of the billy goat. Lifelong Cubs fan Steve Bartman (pictured above) was blamed by thousands of fellow Cubs fans for blowing the Cubs’ shot at the 2003 World Series title.

RYAN FRIEDERICH

Sports Columnist

Are the Boston Red Sox really this bad? Currently, they have only won two games, have a team batting average of .230, their pitchers have a combined Earned Run Average of 6.77 and they have given up 21 home runs. Being a huge baseball fan, and also a huge Ghost Hunters fan, I love stories of a curse that threatens to reign over a team for decades. The Boston Red Sox are said to be under such a curse, the curse of the Bambino. Many thought this curse was lifted after their two World Series championships this decade. However, I remain skeptical. Babe Ruth (a.k.a. the Sultan of Swat, the Colossus of Clout, the King of Crash or the Great Bambino) once made his way around the not-so-friendly confines of Fenway Park, probably stopping at every concession stand along the way to get a hot dog. In the offseason between the 1919 and 1920 seasons, the Red Sox sold the rights of the slugger

to their now-heated rivals, the New York Yankees. After selling the Bambino off to the evil empire, the Red Sox went on to have an excruciating stretch, lasting decades, that a baseball fan should never have to sit through. The Red Sox were by no means bad during this stretch, but they were just good enough to get everyone’s hopes up before a missed ball went bouncing hopelessly through the legs of a stiff-kneed first baseman in the 1986 World Series. I truly believe the curse is back in Boston. This offseason, the team went out and acquired big names and signed big contracts, essentially trying to purchase a winning team in Boston. This has never really been the Red Sox style and it seems like they are starting to become a cheaper, uglier version of the Yankees. This sort of curse also haunts the fans at Wrigley Field in Chicago. The funny thing about that curse is the fans try to blame it on an old man and his goat who were forced to leave game four of the 1945 World Series because of the odor the goat was emitting near the fans. Billy Sianis, the man who cursed the Cubs forever, ranks among my top three people in baseball, along with Steve Bartman and Bill Buckner. I write this article out of good humor. There is probably no such thing as the curse of the Bambino or the curse of the billy goat. Let the truth be known that the Red Sox just plain stink this year and the Cubs are doomed to stink forever. There is a very good possibility that the Red Sox will turn things around this year, but right now they are playing poor baseball. It’s as simple as that. The Cubs are just the worst, and they will stay like that forever. Go Panthers!

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DUSTIN WOODY/Northern Iowan

The Waterloo Black Hawks celebrated a shutout victory over the Indiana Ice on Jan. 12 and will look to do the same in a best-of-three series against the Ice that starts Thursday night.

BLACK HAWKS continued from page 13

As for the Western Conference, No. 3 Sioux Falls takes on No. 6 Sioux City at 7:05 p.m. on April 13 and 14 and on April 17 the teams will play at 6:05 p.m. if a third game is needed in the series. Fargo enters

Home runs propel No. 9 Missouri past Panthers NI NEWS SERVICE

The University of Missouri Tigers got a run in the top of the second inning when Ashley Fleming came home on a double steal of second base and home. Missouri would add three more runs on one swing of the bat to make it 4-0 in the top of the third, as Catherine Lee launched a three-run home run to right center. The Panthers would do what few teams have been able to do all year to Chelsea Thomas in the bottom of the third. Leah Embrey led off the inning with a single to left field and advanced to second on Allison Galvin’s one-out bunt single. Hannah Borschel delivered in a big

What Happens at

4:20?

Des Moines, Iowa

To register: contact Jacquie Welty at jwelty@grandview.edu. 515-263-2854 E 800-444-6083 E www.grandview.edu

the playoffs as the USHL Western Conference No. 4-seed and will take on No. 5 Lincoln in the first round. Game times for the Lincoln/ Fargo series are 7:35 p.m. on April 15, 7:05 p.m. on April 16 and 5:05 p.m. April 17, if the third game is needed in that series.

Lick it Ticket

& Mary Mo and Her Sweet Notes

Wed. 4/20 at The HuB 8 pm

way against Thomas, who entered the game tied for first nationally in ERA. Borschel lined a double to the gap in right-center that scored both Embrey and Galvin. Nicole Hudson extended the Tiger lead to 7-2 when she connected on a three-run home run in the top of the fifth. Kristin Nottelman pitched the final three innings for the Tigers to slam the door on UNI for a 7-2 victory. Jaye Hutcheson pitched well in relief for the Panthers, firing three shutout innings and allowing only one Tiger hit. With the loss, UNI falls to 23-18 on the season. UNI next heads to Des Moines for a three-game weekend series with the Drake Bulldogs.

Anyone interested in writing for the Northern Iowan sports section next fall should e-mail Brad Eilers at: eilersb@uni.edu

Games SPORTS

Friday, April 15, 2011

By Matt Matera

Across 1 Fantasy author and forensic pathologist? 9 Jah worshipers 15 Reason for a pass 16 Strike caller 17 German shepherd 18 Some special forces headgear 19 It merged with Kmart in 2005 20 Hairy 21 High sch. VIPs 22 Behaviorist and teen confidant? 27 At first blush 30 Teen follower? 31 Infer 32 Indeed 33 Huckster and school supporter? 38 Toon dynamo, familiarly 41 Inspiration for the Frisbee

northern-iowan.org

45 Lieu 48 Time, for one 49 British novelist and medic? 51 CD-__ 52 Droid in every “Star Wars” film 53 Sweet cake that’s an Easter tradition in Eastern Europe 55 Spots 57 University of Cincinnati team 60 Gangster’s gun, in old-timey slang 61 Permits 62 Most people 63 Children’s author and roadside helper? Down 1 Thing that endures 2 Port of SW Italyv 3 “That’s just wrong” 4 “That way madness lies” speaker

PAGE 15

5 Tolkien’s Skinbark and Leaflock, e.g. 6 China’s Northern __ Dynasty, 386-534 AD 7 First of the Maj. Prophets 8 Three-part fig. 9 Creator of a popular six-color puzzle 10 First name in aviation 11 Paid (for) 12 Maura of “ER” 13 Lost __ 14 Paris possessive 20 Adler’s subj. 22 Theda of silents 23 Bungle 24 Run-down theater 25 Before, in verse 26 Where Mandela was pres. 28 Dosage abbr. 29 Babbling Addams character 34 Coleridge work 35 __-do-well 36 Network that merged with The WB 37 David Beckham’s org. 38 Half a fly 39 Withdrawal aid, briefly 40 Fraternity founded at New York University in 1847 42 Hoops embarrassment 43 Caught one’s breath 44 As one 46 Lesotho’s home 47 Spoil rotten 48 Brit. military award 50 Lover’s gift 53 Boater’s edge 54 When Tony sings “Maria” 55 Time often named 56 Under-the-sink brand 57 Arthur of “All in the Family” 58 Spain’s Queen Victoria Eugenia, familiarly 59 __ snail’s pace

troop-a-palooza family carnival

Come join food, family and fun! on

Sunday, April 17 Cedar Falls High School North Gym 1 to 5 p.m. $5 admission

Clip this ticket and present it at the door to receive

buy one get one 1/2 off! All Proceeds go to the Girl Scouts of Eastern Iowa and Western Illinois

for more information, visit the Troop-A-Palooza Facebook page

Classifieds The University

Friday, April 15, 2011

Northern Iowa’s

Volume 107, Issue 50

student-produced newspaper since

Cedar Falls, Iowa

1892

northern-iowan.org

FOR SALE / FOR RENT

ROOMMATE

HELP WANTED

Large 4 BR. apart. $1150/mo. Plus utilities, free laundry, offstreet parking, A/C. 269- 1743

3-4 bedroom house. $1000/MO. plus utilities. 111 E. 11TH. No pets. Call 319- 939- 3277.

3 BR. suite $875/mo. Plus utilities, free laundry, off-street parking, A/C. Each tenant has own kitchen. 269- 1743

4 BR., 2 bath. 1918 Olive. Offstreet parking. W/D and yard care provided. No pets. June 1st. $1250/MO. 939- 5787

1, 2, 3 or 4 rooms to rent summer/school year. 319- 240- 0880

Looking for 1 roommate for the house on the corner of Walnut and Seerly (2403 Walnut St.)! One boy and two girls signing a lease that starts when school gets out! If you are interested let me know! 712- 789- 0493 sandbota@uni.edu

Comprehensive Systems, INC. is currently hiring for a Residential/HCBS Manager to over see our HCBS SCL/Respite Services in the Mason City area. Main responsibilities are supervision/ training staff, scheduling and providing services to children/adults with intellectual disabilities. Prefer supervisory experience and BA or BS in human service field; and at least one year experience in residential service delivery. Requirements: *Valid Drivers License/Chauffeurs. *Preemployment criminal and abuse background check, driving record check and company paid physical/drug screen. Apply in person at 1316 18TH Street S.W., Mason City, IA. Additional information can be obtained by Sandy Harrington @ 641- 423- 2663.

Brand new 4 BR. townhouse apartments. 1 block from campus - 706 W. 26th ST. Aug - May lease. 2 bath, 2 stall garage, dishwasher, W/D, free cable and internet. $430 per person/MO. Call Jeanette. 319- 415- 5804 13 room house. New high efficient furnace, water heater and windows. Wood floors, ceramic tile, W/D, freezer, 2 car garage, 25X30 deck. 319- 504- 1074 CF June 1st. Nice 4 BR. house $1100/MO. CF cozy studio apartments $275/MO. Both near Sortori. 266- 7783 CF 2 and 4 bedroom houses and apartments. Available June 1st. No pets. 266- 0903 7 BR. on the hill. Pool table included. Available June 1st. $2500/MO. www.icrentals.com. 319- 931- 6507 Lovely apartments, houses near Sartori. Reasonable rent. Available May/June. 266-7783

2 & 3 bedroom apts., clean, spacious, close to campus, utilities and cable paid, off-street parking and laundry. Available May 16th. 290- 8151 1 bedroom apts., large, clean, close to campus, utilities and cable paid, off-street parking and laundry. Available May 16th. 266- 1245 Looking for male roommates to rent house (Total of 3 Bedrooms available). Located 1 mile from campus. 906 Melrose Drive, Cedar Falls. House includes off street parking, Washer, Dryer. Rent is $435.00/month, which includes all utilities. No Pets Allowed. Call Tim Langreck to view the house/ bedrooms weekdays from 4-9 pm. (319)239-9077 For rent. Nice 4 bedroom house. 2 blocks from UNI. A/C, laundry, off street parking. May to May lease. $1400/MO. 319- 277- 2504

Duplex for rent, five minutes to UNI. 4 bedroom unit and 2 bedroom unit; central A/C, washer/ dryer, garage, lawn care provided, utilities included, available June 1st. Call 319- 230- 5082 2 blocks off campus. Gorgeous 4 BR. 2 bath. Available May 1st. 319- 415- 3172 CF 4 BR. Townhouse 2.5 baths $1200/mo. 1413 W 2nd. 266- 5789 For rent, 4 BR. duplex near UNI. June 1st. 319- 240- 0880 4 BR. apartment 1 block from campus. $310/person. Includes cable and internet. W/D on site. Off-street parking. 2616 Olive. Call Jeanette. 319- 415- 5804

MISC Local game console repairs all problems. www.cvxgameconsolerepair.com

Rapid Computer Service and Repair. Hardware and software problems, wireless networking, virus and spyware issues. Reasonable flat rate issues. Full service. lidurban@aol.com or 515- 720- 5412

HELP WANTED Wanted - A cleaning fanatic! Close to campus. Someone who’s crazy about cleaning, dusting floors, bathrooms. Call 319- 266- 3935

Big 1 BR. Apt., 2 walk in closets and 2 hall closets. Air conditioning and off street parking. Coin washer and dryer on site. $575/ MO. and low utilities. 269- 2505. Sorry, no pets.

Comprehensive Systems, INC.: Part-time Direct Support Staff working with individuals with special needs in a group home setting needed. Starting wage $9.55 hour. 1ST, 2ND and 3RD shifts available. Call 268- 0116 or apply at 5417 Nordic Dr., Cedar Falls.

FOR SALE / FOR RENT

HELP WANTED

4 BR. house, 2 bath, 2 car garage, 2 family rooms. Air conditioning, dishwasher, washer and dryer. $2200, includes utilities, cable and internet. No pets. 269- 2505

Help wanted. Tony’s Pizzaria downtown Main Street. Hiring servers, cooks and drivers. Go to www.277tony.com. Fill out application and mention The Northern Iowan.

Summer subleaser wanted. 622 W Seerley! June 1, possibly earlier, thru July and possibly August. $300 +utilities. Call 641-903-9270

Summer/Seasonal Positions Available. A variety of summer (3 month) and seasonal (3-8 month) positions available, working for the City of West Des Moines. New jobs posted weekly! Go to www.wdm-ia.com for description, salary and to apply on-line. Equal Opportunity Employer.

CF Duplexes for rent: 3 and 4 bedrooms available June 1st. 290- 1490

Seeking daycare in my home for my children (ages 11 and 8) this summer. (possibly more) Afternoon hours mostly. (Take to pool etc) Very easy to watch. Need someone with car who is good with children. References and minimum hourly wage required. Call Ellen at 319 240 5932 or email ehumphrey@cfu.net Earn $1000-$3200 a month to drive our brand new cars with ads placed on them. www.AdCarDriver.com

AD SPACE is a wonderful thing. Especially when it’s working for you.

Advertise in our classifieds! The Northern Iowan: Phone: 319- 273- 2157 Email: northerniowan@uni.edu