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Love Wins Despite virus,
soon-to-be-wedded
couples are marching on NORTHERN MICHIGAN’S WEEKLY • april 06 - April 12, 2020 • Vol. 30 No. 14
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2 • april 06, 2020 • Northern Express Weekly
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OUR SIMPLE RULES: Keep your letter to 300 words or less, send no more than one per month, include your name/address/ phone number, and assume we will edit. That’s it. Email info@northernexpress.com and hit send! A Plea to Kalkaska School Board We are living in a time of unprecedented uncertainty. During such times, it is imperative that we be with our families and continue to keep their best interests in mind. That is the message you sent at Wednesday’s board meeting when declining to reinstate your Superintendent, Mr. Terry Starr, citing concerns related to COVID-19. While it is only natural to be concerned for your own family, you must keep in mind that you have another family to protect — the community of Kalkaska. As elected officials, you are tasked with creating a system within Kalkaska Public Schools that gives each child the best chance for success in his or her educational experience. You are also responsible for listening to public comment and taking it into account when making decisions related to the district you serve. With that being so, it is only appropriate that you support your community by reinstating Superintendent Starr and giving the children of Kalkaska the chance for excellence they deserve. What better time for a man of the people to return to service than at a time when they need him the most. Please do what is right for Kalkaska. Molly Starr, Kalkaska Define Cult What do Joseph Smith, Jim Jones, L. Ron Hubbard, David Koresh, and Donald Trump have in common? They all did or do lead cults. According to the Cult Education Network, in a cult, “the leader is always right. Criticism of the leader is characterized as persecution. No matter how harmful, the leader’s behavior is justified. Adherents are obsessed with the leader. And the leader has the exclusive franchise on truth.” Sounds really familiar, doesn’t it? Good luck getting Trump’s followers to see the world as it truly is. Richard When, Elmira Define Leader Democrats have a chance to correct the mistakes of 2016. Put the nation first and vote to bring back respectability, honor and civility. Some 2016 Democratic voters did not pay close enough attention to the words coming from candidate Trump. He told you who he was, and now he is showing you who he is. This is the time to come together as responsible voters to reach a common goal. Electing a president who will work for all Americans — not just his base or party — is imperative. Things have changed, and we are stuck in a world of our own making. We have a president that overlooks the advice from experts he hired. He says he goes with his gut or how he feels about the subject/situation. He’s not an experienced leader of any kind, so his gut feeling counts for nothing.
The president never takes responsibility for many things he does wrong but is quick to take credit for good things rather he did it or not. Good leaders are accountable for his or her actions and accept responsibility for them. Good leaders speak the truth and seek information when they have questions. They also correct falsehoods when they occur. Good leaders never create false narratives or perpetuate lies. America deserves better, and it’s up to all Americans to ensure it happens. We need to choose a leader that will put America before his own self-interest. We can elect a leader that has integrity, leadership skills, managerial experience, dedication to public service, and is truthful, well-spoken, and civil. Electing a good leader can put America back on the world stage in a positive way. Voters should be inspired to save our nation from a narcissistic, arrogant president who is destroying it with incompetent leadership and dereliction of duty. Willie Jones, Jr., Traverse City Kudos on COVID-19 Articles I am writing to thank you for printing such comprehensive and readable articles on COVID-19. As a registered nurse, I really appreciate articles that help the general public understand this pandemic. Whereas, since 2015, my passion has been fighting climate change, all of our priorities have changed for the foreseeable future. I am active with the Grand Traverse chapter of Citizens Climate Lobby, and when the time is appropriate, I am hoping that you will print more excellent articles on the climate crisis. Kathleen Birdsall, RN, Traverse City Tree Insight I’d like to add some of my experience to your recent article on tree diversity [“Southern Saviors,” March 30 issue] and the ATREP program. I’ve commercially grown four of the six trees mentioned in the article. Swamp White Oak grows surprisingly well In dry environments. Bur Oak (Quecus macrocarpa) does almost as well and is also resistant to Oak Wilt Virus. Hackberry is a good replacement for American Elm, as is the “Princeton” Elm variety Golden Birch (Betula Allegheniensis) is under-used and is a native that grows in more stressed sites than other birches. Mark Contrucci of Mark C’s Trees, Boyne City The second impeachment of Donald Trump The death count mounted as he called it a hoax and did too little, too late. The facts will not be distorted and denied. The healthcare community will bear witness to the truth. The families of those who perished alone will testify. The voices of the deceased will be heard. The documents cannot be withheld by the administration. Mitch McConnell cannot make the rules. Senate Republicans cannot block witnesses. Politicians cannot exonerate. This time, we, the surviving victims will be his jury. Eric Lampinen, Manistee Story Request: Who’s Flushing What? I am a live-alone gal in my early 80’s. Doing well, no complaints, healthy, and staying home. My concern is general common good. The last time I bought toilet paper was late February or very early March. I have been very careful in the use of my normal supply. When I have ordered groceries for curb pickup or gone into Tom’s in their first hour of business (one time
last week), the TP shelves were empty. That must mean some people are out of TP. I fear that people will or are flushing things down toilets into our common water treatment system that could cause serious water problems that could add to our health threats. I don’t think paper toweling and many other types of wipes are on the list of permissible flushables. Can you look into this for the good of all of us? And do your usual fabulous job of providing timely and relevant reporting.
CONTENTS features Crime and Rescue Map......................................7
Forever Yours.....................................................9 Wedding Season Wipeout?..............................10 Her One and Only....................................................13 Pre-Wedding Prep Couples Actually Need...........14
Michaeline Barnhart, Charlevoix What Went Wrong? South Korea and the U.S. both confirmed their first case of Covid-19 on Jan. 20. What followed is what mattered in saving lives. Blunder 1: A week before Trump was sworn into office, he and staff attended a “transitional,” which covered the very real likelihood of a future pandemic. No action taken. The next blunder happened in May 2018, as Trump and John Bolton fired staff and shut down the Pandemic Unit of the National Security Council, thus, ending protections against a pandemic. After an intense exercise called “Crimson Contagion,” designed to determine how prepared our various cities, states, and the country were when an expected pandemic showed up at our doors, a detailed report was provided to the White House in October 2019. The conclusion? We are woefully unprepared. Yet no action was taken. That was Blunder 3. In December, the world began watching China. Despite the October report, still no action was taken. Along comes Jan. 20, when the first known cases of the virus are reported in Washington State. Trump did nothing. About 10 days later in a meeting in the White House, some elected reps pleaded with the president to provide emergency funding right now to fight this thing. Trump denied the request. Blunder 4. Next, the World Health Organization testing kits; the U.S. chose not to accept any. January into March, Trump minimized — on national television — the threat this posed, over and over again. The only action taken was to initiate a travel “restriction” with China. Our results in comparison to South Korea’s mobilization, which kept deaths to about 300 versus U.S. lack of action for months, as of March 30, 2020: U.S. deaths reached 2,500. Yet both nations had their first confirmed cases on January 20. One leader responded immediately; the other just blundered along. Karen Martin, Cheboygan Pro-Life for Postnatals, Please The leaders of some churches have chosen to ignore the advice of medical experts who strongly advocate for social distancing during this Coronavirus pandemic and have continued to allowed large congregations to gather. They might have decided in this time of great national anxiety that a need for Christian fellowship outweighs the need for social isolation. Although we might assume that God will protect these congregants from serious illness, it is still likely that many asymptomatic worshippers could become carriers of the coronavirus and thereby cause serious and even fatal outcomes for the more vulnerable elderly persons outside of their congregations. It is ironic that some of these church leaders who hold a strong pro-life position when considering prenatal life would willingly inflict the possibility of death on the elderly postnatals among us.
columns & stuff Top Ten...........................................................5
Spectator/Stephen Tuttle....................................6 Opinion..............................................................9 Creative Cocktails............................................12 Weird..............................................................16 Crossword...................................................16 Freewill Astrology..........................................16 Advice..........................................................17 Classifieds..................................................18
Northern Express Weekly is published by Eyes Only Media, LLC. Publisher: Luke Haase 135 W. State St. Traverse City, MI 49684 Phone: (231) 947-8787 Fax: 947-2425 email: info@northernexpress.com www.northernexpress.com Executive Editor: Lynda Twardowski Wheatley Finance & Distribution Manager: Brian Crouch Sales: Kathleen Johnson, Lisa Gillespie, Kaitlyn Nance, Michele Young, Randy Sills, Todd Norris, Jill Hayes For ad sales in Petoskey, Harbor Springs, Boyne & Charlevoix, call (231) 838-6948 Creative Director: Kyra Poehlman Distribution: Dave Anderson, Dave Courtad Kimberly Sills, Randy Sills, Roger Racine Matt Ritter, Gary Twardowski Listings Editor: Jamie Kauffold Reporter: Patrick Sullivan Contributors: Amy Alkon, Rob Brezsny, Ross Boissoneau, Jennifer Hodges, Michael Phillips, Steve Tuttle, Craig Manning, Intern: Sophie Boyce Copyright 2020, all rights reserved. Distribution: 36,000 copies at 600+ locations weekly. Northern Express Weekly is free of charge, but no person may take more than one copy of each weekly issue without written permission of Northern Express Weekly. Reproduction of all content without permission of the publisher is prohibited.
Bob Ross, Pellston
Northern Express Weekly • april 06, 2020 • 3
this week’s
top ten Celebrated Restaurant Celebrates a Dozen Years Eric Patterson, chef and co-owner of the Cook’s House in Traverse City, didn’t realize his restaurant was celebrating its 12th anniversary on April 1 until late in the day. “We actually completely forgot it was our anniversary until about 4 o’clock yesterday,” Patterson said. “It’s a little odd. We normally have never been open for our anniversary. We usually take a few days off this time of year.” Not the year. The Cook’s House dove into becoming a take-out restaurant the day the state’s stay-athome order went into effect: Patterson gathered his staff, they looked over what they had left in the kitchen, and created a take-out menu on the spot. They’ve been at it ever since. “The community has just rallied together. People are ordering takeout for the sake of supporting us, and it’s actually a little emotional, to be honest with you,” Patterson said. “We knew that the community loved us, but we didn’t really experience it the way we are now.”
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Good News: Free Local Classes to Calm Yourself — and Your Teen — Down Traverse City-based physical therapist and wellness consultant Wendy Weckstein is offering free virtual instruction in mindful movement/yoga and meditation. The classes — 7am–7:45am Fridays for adults, and 4pm–4:45pm Mondays for preteens and teens — are held via Zoom. Learn more and register at nmpspc.com or by calling (231) 935-0355.
4
Hey, read it!
Death in Her Hands
During one of her daily walks through the woods around her cabin, elderly widow Vesta Gul encounters a handwritten note: “Her name was Magda,” it reads. “Here is her dead body.” But … there is no body. At least, none that Vesta can see. So, she dons the detective hat herself, vowing to find both Magda and her murderer. But where’s the line between search and obsession? While Vesta wallows in what Magda’s life might have been, she slowly begins to lose sight of her own. From the mysterymaking mind of Ottessa Moshfegh comes “Death in Her Hands.” A delightfully cringe-y cross of psychological and sardonic, Moshfegh’s newest novel is a world full of wariness. But tread lightly, dear reader; not even the title can be trusted.
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An EvEning with tErry McMillAn from the comfort and safety of your own home
tastemaker TC Elderberry Syrup Handmade weekly in small batches, not canned or pasteurized, and full of organic elderberries, and raw honey from Beulah’s Champion Hill Farm, plus a dash of organic ginger, organic cinnamon, and organic whole cloves, TC Elderberry Syrup — the only FDA-registered elderberry syrup company in the state — has a long line of devotees who buy it for its uncommonly delicious taste and its purported immune-boosting properties. As you might imagine, however, the lines of those coveting the stuff have gotten even longer in recent weeks. (Local retailer Jessica Edson of Edson Farms in Traverse City, tells us she recently sold 200+ bottles in less than two days.) In response, TC Elderberry founder and maker Sarah Wallstrom is cranking up production to ensure her retailers remain stocked and orders are shipping out within one to two business days. We tried — and loved — the original Elderberry Syrup ($27 for 20 ounces), but we’re thirsting next for its Kicked Up cousin ($32 for 20 ounces), which adds organic ingredients like chokeberries, rosehips, echinacea, orange peel, and star anise to the supplement for a tasty, zesty, spicy spoonful. Find more options and local retailers or order direct at www.tcelderberry.com.
4 • april 06, 2020 • Northern Express Weekly
The National Writers Series is hosting a virtual conversation with New York Times-bestselling author Terry McMillan at 7 pm, April 9. Please join us via Zoom: https://bit.ly/TerryMcMillan with guest host Rochelle Riley. The conversation will also be live-streamed on the NWS Facebook page and YouTube channel. Reading, books, art and culture are vital to our wellbeing in these times of social isolation and the National Writers Series wants your soul to stay healthy. This virtual event is free with no pre-registration or password required, so pour your beverage of choice and settle in to learn more about McMillan’s storied career, her writing habits, her inspiration and more. Zoom attendees will have the opportunity to ask questions. McMillan’s new book, It’s Not All Downhill From Here, is about love, loss and the power of friendship. It’s a great book to escape into. Order from Horizon Books at a special discount.
For information, go to NationalWritersSeries.org
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Water is Still Rising at Fishtown
Work goes on to shore up Leland’s Fishtown, a historic fishing village that’s threatened by record Great Lakes water levels. Through the winter, the building that houses the Village Cheese Shanty was removed, its foundation raised, and then the building was put back. Construction inside the structure should have been almost completed by now, but it was interrupted by an escalation of the stay-at-home order, which halted construction work. For now, the Beloved Cheese Shanty is safe from the water levels. That’s not the case for the Morris shanty, which was to be raised this spring, said Amanda Holmes, executive director of Fishtown Preservation. Holmes still hopes that project can be completed this spring before water levels get too high. She is also focused on raising funds to shore up the Carlson’s Fishery shanty, a project that is planned for next fall. It’s all work that, despite the crisis, needs to go on, Holmes said. “Every time I’ve been down there, the water is high,” Holmes said. “And the projections are that it will continue to go up into the spring and the summer.”
Stuff we love Getting Paid to Dash and Dine OK, so maybe the Boyne Area Chamber’s Dash and Dine Bingo game isn’t the traditional approach to dining and dashing, but these aren’t traditional times. Their creative game works like this: You order pickup (or delivery) from a participating chamber member eatery (full list available under Latest News on www.boynechamber.com), dash home with your eats, post a photo or video of you enjoying said eats (and showing your receipt as proof of purchase), then repeat until you’ve got a full BINGO on the card above. A winner will be chosen by random every Monday until the COVID-19 mandates are lifted; each winner receives $20. Find a bigger image of the Boyne bingo card on the chamber’s Facebook page (March 18 photo).
Q-Tip: Drive-thru COVID-19 testing now available in Petoskey No joke — starting April 1, the Health Department of Northwest Michigan — in partnership with Emmet County, Northern Michigan Med Center, McLaren Northern Michigan, and more — began offering appointment-based, drive-through testing at the Emmet County Fairgrounds. Testing is now available 12pm–4pm Monday through Friday for patients 12 and older who: 1) already have seen their primary care provider; 2, have been determined to meet the criteria for testing; and 3) have a lab slip. The drive-thru is using a recently approved FDA testing method with nasal swab. The Emmet County Fairgrounds site is the first non-hospital drive-thru test site for COVID-19 in Northwest Lower Michigan; the first began March 27 at the vacant Michigan State Fairgrounds site on the northern edge of Detroit.
8 Schedule your FREE site assessment for solar energy at your home, farm or business
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Bottoms up Potter’s Wedding Cookies Wedding cakes are wonderful, sure, but serving something different — even if it’s just dessert — helps your wedding stand apart from the standard celebration. If we had to do it all over again, we’d skip the cake and take-home gift for wedding guests, and instead slip these pretty, glittery cookies atop each plate for a sweet and inexpensive to-go treat. From what we hear, to-go is totally trending these days. About $3.75 each, but price varies based on numbers and design. Call Potter’s Bakery: (231) 947-5125.
Northern Express Weekly • april 06, 2020 • 5
COMING SOON
WE’RE ON OUR OWN
As we follow Social Distancing, follow us on Facebook for our reopening. facebook.com/TraverseCity.AirportRd/
spectator by Stephen Tuttle
1133 S. Airport Rd. W., Traverse City • 231-929-9866 bigapplebagels.com
It’s moving that everyday citizens here are doing so much to help the medical community fight COVID-19. People making masks on their home sewing machines, autobody repair shops donating masks, manufacturers using 3-D printers to make parts for face shields, and now, auto manufacturers trying to make ventilators. It would be downright inspiring if it wasn’t so pathetic. We used to see public service announcements concerning outbreaks of one thing or another in disadvantaged countries. They’re always short of basic equipment. The spots might even include a 1-800 number or website we could use to donate to that poor region. Then we’d move along, thankful such a thing could never happen here. It turns out we’re just like them. Let’s start with the obvious: The healthcare professionals on the front lines of this thing have been nothing short of heroic. Their Hip-
when their outbreak began, they nearly stopped exports altogether, instead focusing on their domestic needs. The argument can be made that no supply chain could have anticipated the surge of patients now being experienced by hospitals. We tend to forget they were pretty much full with non-virus and injured patients prior to the onset of COVID-19. Some short-term shortages would not be unexpected under the circumstances. But we ignored warnings about our pandemic preparation for years and sounded the call for help way too late. Our national stockpile was woefully inadequate, and what we did have wasn’t timely distributed. Congress, anxious to do something that appeared to be helping, rushed through a $2 trillion “stimulus” package. It includes a huge tax break for some of the richest 1 percent of Americans, developers who will reap as much as $170 billion in reduced taxes. No, not for you.
But we ignored warnings about our pandemic preparation for years and sounded the call for help way too late. Our national stockpile was woefully inadequate, and what we did have wasn’t timely distributed. pocratic Oath requires they do no harm, but it does not require them to risk their own lives, which is exactly what they’re doing. Some are wearing masks for days, despite those masks being designed for a single use and then discarded. Others are making gowns out of garbage bags. Just like frontline soldiers in any war, they are suffering casualties and death. So, what the hell happened? The short answer is pretty simple: We outsource most of our medical equipment and supplies, so there aren’t many domestic manufacturers available to ramp up production. Of the seven largest ventilator companies in the world by market share, only two manufacture in the United States. Becton Dickinson, is a U.S. company, but their respiratory operations were spun off to a company called Vyaire that manufactures in the U.K. Philips is a Dutch company, Hamilton Medical is Swiss, Fisher & Paykel Healthcare operates out of New Zealand, and Draeger is German. Of the major suppliers, only Medtronic (a company headquartered in Ireland but with most of its operation in the U.S.) and GE Healthcare manufacture here. So, most of our ventilators are imported from European Union countries, and when their virus outbreaks began, there weren’t enough machines for them and us, so exports slowed to a trickle.
6 • april 06, 2020 • Northern Express Weekly
We import most of the masks, gowns, gloves, face shields, and hand sanitizers from China and are subject to President Trump’s 25 percent tariff. China had already reduced some shipments, finding markets elsewhere, and
It also instructs the federal government to pay for more harbor dredging and requires the FDA to review over-the-counter items like sunscreen. (In what we’re told was just a coincidence, that action benefits L’Oreal, which just happens to have operations in Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell’s home state of Kentucky.) Also, it includes $1.5 billion for every state whether they need it or not, and another tax break for companies willing to pay some of an employee’s student loan debt. What it did not include was restocking and making more robust the national stockpile of medical equipment. What we’ve learned from all this is the federal government, at least as currently led, is incapable of handling the early stages of a crisis of this level. They started by denying it existed, downplayed its severity, and then insulted besieged governors who were begging for help. We could not rely on the Feds. Every state should now allocate some budget funds for their own stockpile of medical supplies and equipment based on a worst-case scenario. Those supplies with expiration dates should be regularly replaced. Since we don’t manufacture the basic supply needs here, states will have to import once the current crisis passes and the products are again readily available. We now know the states are on their own until the federal government is dragged, kicking and screaming and denying, into the fray. Gov. Whitmer has done an admirable job under terrible circumstances. Her leadership must now include creating our own emergency reserves of medical supplies. This won’t be the last pandemic. Every state should assume the federal government will be late again.
Crime & Rescue CROWDS CLOSE STATE REC AREA Too many people ignoring social distancing guidelines forced the closure of a popular northern Michigan park. The Department of Natural Resources closed the Tippy Dam Recreation Area in Manistee County after staff observed visitors failing to maintain safe social distances and noted that many visitors had travelled from all over the state to visit the park. That goes against the spirit of Michigan’s stay-at-home order, which encourages people to take part in outdoor recreation but discourages unnecessary travel. Once the park was closed by order of the DNR, anyone who visits in a vehicle, on a bike, or on foot could receive a civil infraction and a $500 fine. The closure is in effect until further notice. For now, all other state parks and recreation areas, trails, and boating access sites remain open to help provide local opportunities to get outdoors; however, social distancing practices must be adhered to in order to keep these state-managed lands open. At Sleeping Bear Dunes National Lakeshore, crowds had not been a problem as of the first couple days of April, but Superintendent Scott Tucker said he was concerned about what might happen when the weather gets warmer. “My biggest concern is not the social distancing — rather, it’s the possible impacts on emergency services for visitors who make bad choices and get themselves in trouble,” Tucker said. “Our rangers are in the park daily, but we have a concern that they will be put in a situation that requires them to respond along with local EMS agencies, creating a strain on an already stressed response system.” Here are the DNR’s guidelines for taking part in outdoor recreation: • Go out only if you’re feeling healthy. • Long-distance travel is discouraged unless it is essential. • Individuals must maintain a minimum of 6 feet between themselves and people of other households. Anyone not following the socialdistancing requirement could face misdemeanor violation/arrest penalties, including up to 90 days in jail and/or a fine up to $500. • Wash hands often with soap and warm water for 20 seconds. If those aren’t available, use a hand sanitizer containing at least 60 percent alcohol. • When driving, keep windows slightly open to provide air flow. Do not drive with people who don’t live in your household. • If the parking is full when attempting to visit a park, recreation area, boating access site, or trailhead, leave and choose a different location. FIVE HOSITALIZED AFTER CRASH Five young adults suffered injuries and needed to be taken to the hospital after they crashed an ATV. First responders were called to Roscommon County’s Gerrish Township on the evening of March 27 after the driver of an ATV ignored a stop sign, drove off of a road and crashed into some trees. The side-by-side ATV carried five people, including the driver; all of them 19- and 20-year-olds from downstate. Two of the riders suffered serious injuries and were taken to Munson Medical Center in Traverse City. Investigators said speed and alcohol were factors in the crash.
by patrick sullivan psullivan@northernexpress.com
CRASH CLOSED M-22 A traffic crash temporarily closed M-22 in southeastern Leelanau County. The traffic crash downed a power line in Greilickville and forced traffic to be diverted to Bugai Road for several hours while M-22 was closed between the Apache Trout Grill and Wares Bros. The incident happened shortly after midnight March 30, and authorities had the power line removed and the road re-opened by late morning. MAN ARRESTED AFTER STRUGGLE An Oklahoma man is accused of assaulting police and then fleeing from them in Benzie County. The incident started when the man, armed with a rifle, threatened his wife and family, and deputies were called to a home in Colfax Township March 28. The suspect refused to speak with police and then attempted to flee in a vehicle, ramming a patrol car and almost running into a deputy. The man fled in the vehicle, but he was captured after crashing the car. After he was arrested, the man continued to fight with authorities while he was taken to the hospital. No one was seriously injured.
FIRE CLAIMS MAN’S LIFE A 67-year-old man died in a Garfield Township fire that investigators believe was accidental. Grand Traverse Metro Fire firefighters were called to home on Briarcliff Drive early March 29 after neighbors heard the cracking and banging of a fire. Firefighters arrived to find home engulfed in flames and learned that a resident was unaccounted for. Dangerous conditions pushed back an attempted rescue, and it took several hours to extinguish the fire. Grand Traverse County Sheriff’s deputies later identified the victim as James Everett Williams. Investigators said the fire did not appear to be suspicious, though they hadn’t determined a cause. The fire occurred just hours after Grand Traverse Metro firefighters responded to another unrelated fire, on Rasho Road in East Bay Township. No one was injured in that fire, but a home suffered significant damage.
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Northern Express Weekly • april 06, 2020 • 7
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By the time you read this, the world may have changed yet again. What had begun as a far-off problem in China has exploded across the entire planet. Early suggestions that the Coronavirus would be contained or would not be a major threat to the U.S. have proven wrong. The president’s musing that he would “love to have the country opened up and just raring to go by Easter” (April 12) sounds extremely naive. In fact, on March 30, he acknowledged that 100,000 to 200,000 Americans may succumb to COVID-19. Every country should be trying to learn from what has happened elsewhere: like China, where, as of March 30, 3,300 died, in Spain (7,700 dead) or in Italy, where a stunning 11,600 have perished despite having one of the most advanced medical systems in the world. What’s unexplained are outliers like Germany, where 67,000 positive tests have resulted in only 645 deaths as of this writing.
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I’m struck by how the speed of travel has helped to fuel this crisis. The millions who fly on airliners every day (until this month) provided a perfect vehicle for delivering the virus. Last year, 4.3 billion passengers flew on scheduled flights worldwide. In the U.S. alone, there were on average 2.8 million airline passengers per day on domestic flights. It’s clear we know little about how this disease spreads or how to treat it. We have not found ways to share data, best practices or even needed equipment. We are still struggling to get essential personal protective equipment to medical staff and first responders. The president’s frequent claim that previous administrations had failed to stockpile supplies for the pandemic, and that the “cupboard was bare” when he took office, ring hollow. What has his administration done in its three years? Humility seems to be in order. And patience. Until we have real data — based on widespread testing — showing what’s happening abroad and here in this country, we are flying blind. One interesting thing I’ve observed is how most people want to be in their home country, regardless of what is waiting for them there. We’ve all seen Americans in Europe, trying to get home, or foreigners trying to head the other way. Until recently, my class at Ferris State University included three exchange students from Germany. They decided to return home while it was still possible to do so, though they remain enrolled in online courses at Ferris. I had one American student stranded in Peru. When the airports closed, she had to be rescued by the U.S. Embassy in Lima, along with hundreds of other Americans. She’s now back, quarantined in Michigan after a huge effort. Some countries seem better positioned to deal with the crisis than others, maybe because of public health policies that aim at early intervention. Densely populated cities like Singapore, Hong Kong, and Taiwan are faring better. My German students reported that they have found healthcare facilities there heavily stretched but working normally. Germany acted very rapidly to isolate each outbreak, test everyone in those locales, and rapidly lock down many towns. Those
measures have resulted in a high number of confirmed cases (over 67,000 as of March 30) but an extremely low death rate (less than 0.1 percent of the patients have tested positive). As German citizens, my students receive no-cost healthcare from the government’s hybrid system of universal care supplemented by voluntary private insurance, which is largely administered by state governments. My German students mentioned that some German hospitals are even offering criticalcare beds to patients from neighboring France and Italy. Meanwhile, German workers who are laid off or become ill as a result of the virus receive 80 percent of their salary. No new legislation was required. Let’s compare that to the situation of one of my American students. Almost immediately, she was laid off from her part-time service industry job. Today, she has no income, no healthcare, and no clear indication whether any of the trillions of dollars new funding that Washington is distributing will find its way to her empty pocketbook. She had managed to save a bit to cover immediate necessities, but she’s probably an exception. Most people in her age group could not come up with $500 for an unexpected expense. That’s where many of our neighbors find themselves today. One thing this virus is showing is just how many vulnerable Americans there are living very close to the edge, financially and health-wise. When those bailout checks finally arrive, think about whether you really need it, or could you donate it to those among us who surely do? We have neglected our healthcare system, and we have made no provisions for the estimated 27.5 million Americans — 8.5 percent of the population — who have no health insurance and will be reluctant to refer themselves to medical facilities. While the COVID-19 test itself will supposedly be provided at no cost, getting the test requires a recommendation from a doctor (and a bill to pay). People with no health insurance, including undocumented immigrants, are not likely to seek testing, even if they have symptoms. That makes zero sense in a pandemic. Widespread testing is essential. We have already seen how the rich and powerful (entire sports teams) are able to get tested whenever they feel the need, while tests remain rationed for the majority. As one urgent care physician tweeted, “It’s upsetting for me to 1) have to ration out COVID 19 testing to my patients and then 2) have to wait 5–7 days for the results, when celebrities (and politicians) are getting tested with ease and quick turnaround times.” This pandemic has exposed enormous weaknesses in our healthcare system — already the world’s most costly. Maybe this experience will produce the changes needed to meet the next crisis. I’m trying to remain optimistic, but it’s getting harder. Jack Segal has no medical knowledge, feels fine right now, is exercising social distancing and the state-wide lockdown and is hoping for the best for everyone. He’s a retired diplomat and writes regularly for Northern Express.
Forever Yours By Sophie Boyce and Lynda Wheatley
The thing about weddings? They’re about love. About hope. And about the promise to keep on keeping on together, come what may. At a time when the commitment we make to take care of one another means more than ever, the forever that engagement rings and wedding bands symbolize seems especially significant. We selected these rings based on the trends local and national jewelers tell us they’re seeing — namely, alternative metals and increasing bling for grooms; all-in-one double-duty engagement-wedding rings, halos, and not-just-diamonds for brides. But when you get right down to it, it seems the best ring for you is simply the one that reminds you you’re loved.
Becky Thatcher
Arlington Jewelers
Reusche jewelers
Miner’s North
Wexford Jewelers
James C. Smith
Cartier
Kay Jewelers
A singular statement piece for a starry-eyed bride with feet firmly planted on the earth, this 12.28ct oval moonstone cabochon from Becky Thatcher glows atop an 18ky gold bezel setting that’s mounted atop a tapered and hammered sterling silver band. Size 7 ½; $1,295. Find it at www.beckythatcherdesigns.com.
A stylized cherry tree branch cast in 14k rose gold, this handmade creation by Wexford Jewelers’ own Julie Terwillger is actually two rings that not only fit flawlessly together (the fitted wedding band can be soldered to the engagement ring, if you like) but also meld art and Up North’s signature nature. Four tiny twigs form prongs that hold a 0.45ct round Euro- cut diamond in the center. Scattered around this are tiny blossoms, each holding .01ct diamond accents — four on the engagement ring and one on the wedding band. $2,390. Available in Cadillac; for sizes 4–8 only. See www.wexfordjewelers.com for ordering information.
Arlington Jewelers tell us they’re seeing a lot of love for vintage antique styles, with scroll work and diamond halos for the ladies, but those who prefer simplicity continue to gravitate to the modern-day classics: round white (and sometimes yellow) diamonds set up and down the shank. Shown here, one of their popular Mirel designs, set with five shimmering diamonds; another boasts 14. Call for pricing. (231) 347-7200, www.arlingtonjewelerspetoskey.com
Some women like understated; some don’t. For the woman who dreams of a diamond that catches eyes but doesn’t snag on clothes, hair, or her man’s deep pockets, we’d like to suggest this stunner, which is perched in a setting that’s both elevating and deep, sleek and textural. A one-of-kind design from Traverse City’s James C. Smith that’s had us drooling since making its appearance last October, we couldn’t confirm if this one is still for sale, but we feel fairly sure if you can afford it, the master designer would likely craft something similarly sensational for you. (231) 941-3300, www.jamescsmith.net
Reusche Jewelers of Petoskey and Cheboygan has been bonding the hearts and hands of the North’s lifetime partners since 1885, and that might be because of its ability to wholeheartedly embrace trends. Its response to grooms’ universal yearning for more options than plain gold and white gold bands is telling: Reusche now has bands featuring exotic woods, out-of-this-world meteorites, dinosaur bones, and more. One of our favorites is this polished 8mm titanium domed band, which showcases a very of-thisworld inlay of whiskey barrel hardwood. $585; Lashbrook Designs, style HW8D15. Available at www.reuschjewelers.com.
We’d be remiss if we didn’t act on the oftrepeated confirmation from local and national jewelers that today’s grooms are opting for much more variety and bling. Here then, the most unique and blingy ring we could find: the Panthère de Cartier ring. Made with 18K yellow gold, black lacquer, peridots, and onyx, this cat made its first appearance in Louis Cartier’s 1914 collection and has since become the brand’s symbolic animal. Ideal for the wild man only his woman can tame, this ferocious ring, as expected, takes a substantial bite of your bank account: $25,300. www.cartier.com
Diamond halos have long been hot, but we suspect they’re never quite as stunning as when surrounding one of Miner’s North’s own Lakeshore diamonds. Handpicked and specially cut with roughly twice as many facets as a traditionally cut diamond, these beauties are optimized to reflect as much light as possible. Case in point: Check out the brilliance and sparkle of this .44ct marquise Lakeshore Diamond surrounded by a halo and band totally 28 small diamonds. Fit for royalty but priced at $1,559. Find it in Traverse City and www.minersnorth.com.
Maybe he didn’t go to Jared, but if she went to Kay, she’d be able to impress her modern man with some subtle yet masculine bling by way of this wedding band (item 960731608), crafted in brown tungsten with a sleek line of black sapphires cutting through the middle. On sale for $559.99 at press time, only available online: www.kayjewelers.com
Northern Express Weekly • april 06, 2020 • 9
Wedding Season Wipeout?
Photo courtesy of Conradie Event Design
Even if Michigan’s shelter in place order ends April 13, the CDC has warned against gatherings of 50+ people through at least mid-May. Here’s what that means for Up North’s massive wedding industry — and the couples only weeks out from the event of a lifetime they’ve spent the last year planning.
By Craig Manning Each year, roughly 2.3 million weddings take place in the United States, with approximately 60 percent of them occurring between May and October. But as fears over COVID-19 (Coronavirus) continue to infect virtually every aspect of day-to-day life, it’s time to ask an important question: Could the summer of 2020 be the summer without weddings? In recent years, northern Michigan has become one of the top wedding destinations in the Midwest, thanks to its wealth of wedding venues and hotels, stunning settings, and almost-always gorgeous summertime weather. At the moment, though, it is effectively illegal to hold a wedding anywhere in the state. On Monday, March 23, Gov. Gretchen Whitmer signed a “shelter in place” order that (among other things) bans “all public and private gatherings of any number of people occurring among persons not part of a single household.” In other words, weddings are almost unanimously on hold in Michigan until at least April 13. The CDC has also discouraged against any gatherings of more than 50 people through at least mid-May. What does this period of mandated social distancing mean for northern Michigan’s booming wedding industry? Northern Express reached out to wedding venues, planners, and vendors throughout the region to get a sense of what’s happening on the ground in the ramp-up to peak wedding season.
TIME IS (MOSTLY) ON OUR SIDE Believe it or not, most said that their client brides and grooms are staying optimistic and keeping their wedding plans intact, at least for now. Only Grand Traverse Resort and Spa indicated they’d recently rescheduled dates — one for a March wedding and the other for an early April celebration — both of which have been moved to August. One reason that there hasn’t been much upheaval yet is that wedding season in northern Michigan tends to skew a bit later than in many other parts of the country. According to Melissa Conradie, owner of Traverse City’s Conradie Event Design, the past few years have seen August and September trending as the area’s busiest wedding months. Conradie, in fact, said she had no May 2020 weddings on the books anyway; most of her clients have dates booked deeper into the summer and are holding out hope that things will look a bit different by then. The same is true for Meaghan Kenny, another local wedding planner. Kenny’s business, fox + fern events, is currently looking at June 6 as the start of its 2020 wedding season. PLAN B That’s not to say cancellations and postponements aren’t potentially coming down the pike for summer 2020 weddings. While there is some hope that warmer weather will change the game in the fight against COVID-19, there is also a chance that quarantines, travel bans, and social distancing restrictions could last into summer, if not longer. Both Conradie and
10 • april 06, 2020 • Northern Express Weekly
Kenny say they are communicating closely with their clients and vendors and playing the waiting game to see if June-and-beyond weddings can stay on the books or if alternate plans will be necessary. “What we’ve done as of now is gather all of the information we can to form a ‘Plan B’ for our June couples,” Kenny said. “Currently they are all planning on keeping their dates and re-evaluating after April 13 to see where things actually are. It’s so tough right now because, as we know, things are going to get worse before they get better. So, to avoid too much panic, we’re going to wait to postpone until we’re closer to [those dates].” REFUND v. RESCHEDULE In the meantime, questions are swirling about the logistics of rescheduling weddings, or about how venues and vendors will react (or refund deposits) in cases where cancellations might be necessary. Robert Sika is the co-owner and executive chef for GreyStone Weddings, which owns two northern Michigan wedding venues — GreyStone in Honor and Visions at CenterPointe in Traverse City — along with a travel company that helps couples plan their honeymoons. Sika says he hasn’t seen any cancellations yet — even with a May 2 wedding on the calendar — but he’s gearing up for a situation where many brides and grooms might yet be forced to reschedule their events. “What we’ve told our couples is that, if they need to reschedule, we’ll reschedule them to any dates we have open at either facility,” Sika said. “So, if they’re booked at
Melissa Conradie
Meaghan Kelly
Visions, but GreyStone has a date open, we’ll switch them over to that venue.” He added that he will honor initial contract amounts for rescheduled weddings, even though the high-demand months, like August, are typically priced higher than the lowerdemand months that are most likely to see postponements, like May. Still, despite everything, refunds remain a sensitive subject for local businesses that rely on wedding season to make their revenues. “We’re not like a DJ, where if we can’t do a weekend, the equipment just sits in a trailer,” Sika explained. “There’s not a lot of overhead there. But when a venue has a cancellation, they still have a mortgage to pay; they still have property taxes. There are a lot of things that we have to pay that, say, a photographer doesn’t have to. Our deposits hold more than just the venue: [They also hold the event’s] caterer, DJ, shuttle service, ceremony site, etc. So, there is no way for us to just refund a deposit back, at least at this point, since we’re not going to be getting any
Top floor: Visions at CenterPoint in Traverse City
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help from the Small Business Association or from our banks.” Amy Hendrickson, an Elk Rapidsbased florist who operates the family-run business Amy Kate Designs, says she’s in a similar position. “This crisis is not the couple’s fault, so the question of refunds is a very difficult one,” Hendrickson told Northern Express. “I feel that if we don’t take care of our businesses, we aren’t going to be there for our future brides. So, giving back deposits right now is a really difficult decision for a lot of people. I think that we have to stay strong and remain strong so that we’re there for all of our clients in the future.”
some guests to attend weddings remotely. Most of all, vendors and venues throughout the region are coming together to make things easier for their couples. Sika says that, if he can’t accommodate a couple on the rescheduled date of their choosing, he’ll work with them to find a different venue that can. And Hendrickson is planting more flowers than ever before, to help up-north florists that don’t have local growing operations and rely on shipments from outside of the country, many of which have ceased. According to Conradie, this tight-knit teamwork mentality has always existed in the northern Michigan wedding industry
“What we’ve done as of now is gather all of the information we can to form a ‘Plan B’ for our June couples,” Kenny said. “Currently they are all planning on keeping their dates and re-evaluating after April 13 to see where things actually are. CREATIVE SOLUTIONS & TEAMWORK These situations are leading local wedding venues and vendors to adopt policies and strategies that encourage couples to postpone rather than cancel. Kenny says most of the vendors she’s worked with are willing to postpone to any available date through April 2021 free of charge, or to a summer/fall 2021 date with a rescheduling fee. Venues are working with townships to amend policies that would allow them to hold more weddings on additional dates, potentially opening the door to a slew of Friday, Sunday, or weekday weddings. Local wedding planners are offering to help couples who don’t already have planners, to assist them in navigating logistical hurdles. Sika is even looking at incorporating new video capabilities at GreyStone and Visions that would make it easier and more rewarding for
but has felt especially pronounced in recent weeks. It’s been “incredibly beautiful,” she says, to see how event professionals throughout the area are banding together, staying in touch, and taking steps to support one another — and to support all the brides and grooms still planning to say “I do” this summer. Conradie’s biggest hope is that couples will trust in these alliances and stay the course with their wedding plans — even if celebrations in summer 2020 end up being a no-go. “Look to postponing,” Conradie said. “Look for ways to get creative. Don’t cancel your wedding. You’re still going to have a beautiful celebration. You’re still going to have that perfect day. It may be on a different day, and it might look a little bit different, but we are going to make sure you still have a perfect day.”
Northern Express Weekly • april 06, 2020 • 11
cocktail creations april splash, brought to you by 123Speakeasy
We join our entire northern Michigan
WE'LL SEE YOU SOON
community in a huge and heartfelt shout-out to our healthcare professionals. You are working tirelessly and literally saving our lives. We do not take you for granted.
Sassy Sour
donations memberships gift cards
Frothy, sweet, and sour, our version of the amaretto sour adds a touch of sass with some ginger heat. Amaretto liqueur has a long history, but the exact origins are unknown. Legend has it that In 1525, a Saronno church commissioned one of Leonardo da Vinci’s pupils to paint its sanctuary with frescoes. The artist found inspiration for the Madonna in a young widowed innkeeper, who became his model and lover.
The Rotary Club of Traverse City would like to thank our community for their continual support of our Annual Traverse City Rotary Show. Our show proceeds have helped support local non-profit organizations. This year’s show was set to celebrate our club’s centennial.
Out of gratitude and affection, the woman wished to give her love a gift. Her simple means did not permit much, so she steeped apricot kernels in brandy and gifted the resulting concoction. We wish we could prepare this cocktail for you with just as much love, but we’ll have to put that off until it is safe for public gatherings again! Ingredients • 2 ounces of amaretto • 2 ounces of lemon juice • 1 ounce of sugar syrup • .5 ounce of ginger syrup
1 cup of ice 1.5 oz. egg whites • Candied ginger for garnish • •
Add all ingredients except egg whites to a shaker, and shake for 30 seconds. Strain out ice, then using the same (cold) shaker, add egg whites and dry shake for another 15 seconds. Decant into a rocks glass and garnish with candied ginger.
Our Annual Rotary Show will be postponed to 2021. We will continue to support our community through this turbulent time and thank all of our supporters for allowing us to do so.
Difficulty: 123 Speakeasy is closed during the COVID-19 response, but you can join us virtually on Facebook for recipes, live mixology tutorials, and more! Don’t let social distancing become isolation--we’re all in this together!
123 W FRONT ST #1B, TRAVERSE CITY
12 • april 06, 2020 • Northern Express Weekly
Alongside barstools, we offer family-style arrangements of authentic Victorian and Eastlake seatin 231.753.8841 www.123speakeasy.com Our drinks and food are all presented in a curated collection of vintage crystal and glassware.
We proudly use the best local, seasonal, organic, and foraged ingredients in our drinks and food
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Her One and Only
Grace Elizabeth Bridal
Designer Desiree Hartsock’s Rosalie is a bewitching bohemian of Chantilly lace and lace applique. It begs for a wearer who’s ready to wow, with a daring cut-to-the-waist front and back plunge — both made more innocent and free than catwalk sexy, thanks to an airy sheer overlay, billowy bell sleeves, and au natural San Fran flower child-meetsRenaissance-style vibe. Call for pricing. Find it in Suttons Bay: (231) 492-5057, www. graceelizabethbridal.com
Natalie’s Bridal & Tuxedo
Effortless, easy-to-wear silhouette of lace, tulle, and Calais chiffon with deep side cutouts and scalloped train, from Stella York (style 6958). In ivory or white, with options for ivory, porcelain, or java tulle plunge. Call for pricing. Find it in Petoskey: (231) 946-0840, www. nataliesbridalandtuxedo.com
By Sophie Boyce and Lynda Wheatley Of-the-moment styles heading down the North’s wedding aisles: According to local retailers, beachy dresses are taking a backseat to boho, while poofy, sparkly princess gowns are giving way to simpler, sleeker styles that up the drama by way of fabric and cut. Think big sleeves, lots of lace, airy chiffons, chic crepes, and deep (deep!) plunging necklines and backs that’ll make Grandma blush — and your groom grin.
To Have and to Hold
This strapless A-line from Willowby (51604 Geranium) — with sweetheart neckline, whimsical uncorded Alencon lace, and velvet ribbon sash — is intended for a winter wedding but a stunning standout in any season. Call for pricing. Find it in Traverse City: (231) 922-9333, www.tohaveandtoholdtc.com
Lulu’s
A Lulu’s exclusive, Lost in the Magic (style 999122) weaves ivory jacquard fabric, metallic silver, and a princess-seamed bodice with a banded waist and full maxi skirt featuring classic box pleats. Also, girl: pockets. $130. Find it online at www.lulus.com
Lakeside Bridal
Smartly cut layers of embroidered cotton lace, patterned tulle, and tulle over a comfy stretch liner make this figure-hugging Kenneth Winston selection a near-universal flatterer, while dainty bodice florals trellising up the shoulders and into a dipped back ensures the wearer wows both coming and going. (Style GA2333, shown here in shades of champagne, nude, and an ivory silver; ivory or white also available.) Call for pricing. Find it in Traverse City: (231) 642-5590, lakesidebridal.com
Petoskey Bridal Salon ASOS
Satin-style (polyester!) fabric feels astonishingly silky smooth and stuns in a sleek Kimono-style ivory maxi dress with scoop neck and deep-V back that falls into a fishtail. $151. Find it online at www.asos.com
A size 16 sample priced to sashay, the Ortiva’s ivory, almost-beige sheath silhouette brings together a demure and detailed longsleeve bodice and beaded belt with the va va voom of an open back and the romance of a cascading train. Was $1,485, now $1,099. Find it in Petoskey: (231) 347-6922, www. petoskeybridal.com
Northern Express Weekly • april 06, 2020 • 13
Pre-Wedding Prep Couples Actually Need Advice from two couples counselors and a divorce attorney. By Craig Manning Five-hundred twenty-eight. That’s the number of hours that the average American couple spends planning their wedding, according to a 2019 study conducted by the artist-and-designer marketplace Minted. That’s 22 entire days spent on everything from wedding dress shopping to creating and stamping invites to planning seating charts and selecting flower arrangements. Yet, for all the time that couples spend planning their weddings, most brides- and grooms-to-be invest much less time planning for the actual marriage. According to the American Psychological Association, 40 to 50 percent of marriages in the United States end in divorce. But what if some of those hours that go into planning “The Big Day” could be spent planning for all the days that come after it? Could couples save themselves from ending up in divorce court, simply by sitting down and having a conversation about what their marriages will look like? To find out, Northern Express convened a panel of three local experts on troubled relationships: two couples counselors and one divorce attorney. They told us all about the common conflict points and missteps that tend to sink marriages — and shared tips and advice that today’s engaged couples or newlyweds can use to pave the way toward a true happily ever after. BUILD A FOUNDATION FROM STRONG COMMUNICATION A marriage without strong communication is doomed to fail. According to Caren Field, a local licensed marriage and family therapist who owns Traverse City’s The Path to Partnership, patterns of bad communication in a relationship tend to be learned and established before a couple ever says “I Do.” “Anything and everything they don’t talk
about before marriage can lead to problems later,” Field said. Lori Schmeltzer, the founder, owner, and divorce attorney at Traverse City’s Schmelzer Law, agrees. “There are questions that couples need to get out into the open if they’re going to have a great marriage,” she told us. “‘What do you envision for how we’re going to spend our money, or how we’re going to invest our money?’ ‘How are we going to manage having children? Is one of us going to stay home and not work?’ ‘How is money going to be handled at that point?’” Schmeltzer notes that couples who don’t discuss these matters ahead of time — along with other existential questions about marriage and what it will look like — usually end up in her offices. While asking these types of foundational questions can provide a sort of “roadmap” for a marriage, though, simply checking big, important topics off a “to discuss” list is not enough to constitute a truly communicationdriven relationship. Gary Vann — a PhD family psychologist who has been working with coupled clients throughout northern Michigan since 1977 — recommends that couples make time in their schedules for a “daily dialogue.” Vann defines a daily dialogue as a chance for couples to sit down and talk to one another about their feelings, needs, and what’s going on in their lives. It doesn’t have to be much; he says just 10–15 minutes over coffee in the morning (or over a glass of wine in the evening) can be hugely beneficial and can help partners develop the listening skills and problem-solving skills that can keep their marriage functional and communicative for the long haul. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY Even in the most harmonious partnerships, disagreements are bound to arise from time to time. Regular conversations between couples
14 • april 06, 2020 • Northern Express Weekly
can lead to differences of opinion, escalate into all-out fights, and leave a lot of hurt feelings in their wake. In these moments, Vann says the most important thing a husband or wife can do is to take responsibility for their side of the marriage. That responsibility can take numerous different forms. It might mean someone who is used to getting their way learning to compromise and adopt more of a “give and take” attitude. It might mean battling the impulse to be sarcastic, dismissive, critical, annoyed, or standoffish during an argument. If might even mean learning to be a better listener during the more combative moments of a relationship, rather than resorting to finger-pointing and blame. These skills, Vann says, are things that many people don’t learn growing up — whether from observing their parents’ relationships or seeing how other friends and family members conduct themselves with their partners. “A good marriage begins with you, rather than with pointing the finger at the partner,” Vann said. “It’s important to start looking in the mirror and to look at what you can do to take responsibility for your side of the marriage. Once we start doing the fingerpointing at the other person, that’s the fasttrack toward problems. If each person can become aware and enlightened about their side of the marriage, and about what they might be doing wrong, they can often fix problems themselves.” DON’T OVERLOOK RED FLAGS When an employer makes a hiring decision, they do their “due diligence” by vetting a candidate thoroughly and looking for red flags. Our marriage experts say couples should do something similar — but often don’t, because it doesn’t jibe with the romance, attraction, infatuation, and “love” that comes with the early phases of a relationship. Since many
couples get married during this “honeymoon stage,” Field says brides and grooms often don’t think critically about the things they might not love about their partners. “The biggest mistake I see people make in choosing a marriage partner is ignoring red flags,” Field told Northern Express. “Any red flag, whether it’s in how they interact with you, or how they interact with others, is heartbreaking to see in hindsight. To look back and say ‘Yeah, I knew about that from the start, and I married them anyway’ is a hard pill to swallow.” Vann often recommends that couples spend more time dating or being engaged, rather than rushing into a marriage after being together for only a year or so. This pre-wedding time, he says, provides ample opportunity for due diligence, and for someone to make sure their partner “has the tools and the skills” to be part of a successful, supportive partnership. “If they love each other, that’s great, but they have to like each other too,” Vann explained. “It’s extremely costly to go through a divorce, both financially and psychologically. If people love each other, that’s a good start, but at the same time, for newlyweds, feelings of love as part of attraction or infatuation are never enough to develop and sustain a long-lasting and healthy relationship. That’s one of the reasons for the high failure rate of marriages in the country today.” What’s the most important red flag to look for in this due diligence stage? According to Vann, the biggest deal-breaker for most relationships is a partner who isn’t empathetic. “You want to ask ‘Is this woman or this man showing any empathy toward my feelings and my problems?’” he said. “If yes, that goes a long way. If no, and you’re not getting any empathy, you’re probably going to be very unhappy two or three years down the road.” BRING IN 3RD PARTY PRIOR TO MARRIAGE “I know I’m a divorce attorney, but I wish
I could save some people from divorce,” Schmeltzer said. “And as weird as it sounds, meeting with a divorce attorney before you get married might actually save you from divorce.” Schmeltzer says that engaged couples are often reluctant to do anything that might signal a lack of commitment to their partner, or a lack of faith in the partnership as a whole. That impulse leads couples to avoid frank conversations about how they would handle a divorce if their relationship came to the point, or to scoff at the idea of drawing up a prenuptial agreement. According to Field, there is often a similar stigma attached to pre-marital counseling. “Too many couples think they don’t need it because they’re ‘in love’ and they believe that ‘everything will work out after the wedding,’” she said. “Unfortunately, life doesn’t work like that.” Schmeltzer, Field, and Vann all agree that every couple should consider sitting down with a third party before their wedding, whether to work through issues they already have in their relationship or to talk through questions and topics they may not have thought about. Some religions do require (or at least recommend) that couples go through premarital counseling. Especially if a couple is set to be married in a church, with a church-affiliated officiant, either the church or the officiant may have stipulations that the couple must follow in terms of pre-marriage classes or counseling. Schmeltzer says there is far less of a push for engaged couples to sit down with divorce lawyers before they get married, which can lead to fundamental misunderstandings about what will happen with money, parenting, child custody, and division of assets in the event of a divorce. In particular, Schmeltzer sees a lot of misinformation about what constitutes “separate property” in a marriage and what constitutes “marital property.” Since all marital property is divisible in a divorce, many couples end up being blindsided to
learn how much they thought was “theirs” is actually “ours.” “The No. 1 myth that I see is that people think if they keep their bank accounts in separate names and keep their money separate, then that’s his money and that’s her money, or her money and her money, or his and his,” Schmeltzer explained. “That’s simply not true.” Marital property includes any money earned during the marriage, including money from either person’s job, earnings on investments, retirement accounts, and more. Separate property includes anything that was owned by either partner individually prior to the marriage, as well as anything received as gifts or inheritance during the marriage that hasn’t been “co-mingled” with marital funds. “If your grandma passes away during the marriage, and you inherit $10,000, that’s separate property,” Schmeltzer continued. “But if you put that money into any sort of joint asset — be it a joint checking account or a marital home that you share with your spouse — that action converts the gift to marital property.” To avoid some of these complexities, Schmeltzer recommends that couples consider working with a lawyer on a prenuptial agreement — even if they think they’ll never, ever need it. “A lot of people think they only need a prenuptial agreement if they are wealthy, or if they are older and have children from a prior relationship,” Schmeltzer said. “The percentage of people who actually use prenuptial agreements is so low compared to the percentage of people who really should have them. I think having those conversations early on, while it isn’t fun or romantic, is a good form of planning for a life. It offers peace to a lot of people. By the time clients are in my office filing for divorce, they are so confused and wound up and uncertain about their future. A document drawn up ahead of time, when things are good, can offer that peace. And if you never get divorced, it’s just a document.”
7 ESSENTIAL TALK TOPICS Before you tie the knot Our three experts all said communication was core to a successful marriage — and that this communication needs to start in earnest before a trip to the altar. But what topics should engaged couples be absolutely sure to talk about ahead of their big day? Here are seven essentials. 1. Money, debt, and budget Money can be a huge sticking point in any relationship, especially if one person is a saver and the other person is a spender. It’s important to understand one another’s financial beliefs and positions —including any existing debts — and to come to an agreement about how money will be budgeted, spent, or invested going forward. 2. Kids Are you and your partner planning to have kids? If so, when, and how many? Differences of vision in these areas can be genuine deal-breakers for couples, so addressing them upfront is vital. Schmeltzer says it’s also incredibly important to address how child-rearing will occur once kids are in the picture. Will one parent stop working and stay home? If so, how will there be a fair balance of parenting duties and parenting time? What will day-to-day care look like? These questions can impact everything from the marriage to the relationships that each parent has with the kids. They can also be fateful decisions that impact custody battles in the event of a divorce. 3. Work and careers Understanding how each partner will be financially contributing to the household is crucial to make sure that neither person feels like they are bearing an undue burden of responsibility. For instance, if one person
is going to supporting the other through grad school or other education, those agreements need to be talked through ahead of time. 4. Religion Some couples aren’t religious at all, which can avoid conflict about differing beliefs. For couples where one partner is religious and the other is not, or where the two partners are affiliated with different faiths, pre-marital conversations should address how religion will affect lifestyle, child-rearing, and other decisions. 5. Household labor As with money and careers, it’s unfair for one partner in a marriage to shoulder most of the household duties. From cooking to cleaning to yard work, build out a fair division of labor so that the marriage feels more like a partnership. 6. The past Knowing your partner means knowing a lot about their life up to the point when you met them. Talking about past relationships, mistakes, or hard times can be difficult, but it will deepen your bond with your partner and could avoid future surprises where a revelation about a partner’s past changes how you see them. 7. The future What are your goals? Your plans? Your hopes? Your dreams? Your bucket list items? From kids to travel destinations to career aspirations, talking with your partner about the future and where you see yourself in five or ten years is one of the most important conversations you can have before getting hitched. You are preparing to share a life, so make sure you each have similar visions of what you want that life to look like.
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lOGY
APRIL 06 - APRIL 12 BY ROB BREZSNY
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Moses did forty years’ worth
of hard work in behalf of his people, delivering them out of slavery in Egypt. Yet God didn’t allow him to enter into the Promised Land. Why? At the end of his travails, he made a minor mistake that angered God beyond reason. Petty? Harsh? Very much so. I’m happy to say that your fate will be very different from Moses’. Some months from now, when your labors bring you to the brink of your own personal version of the Promised Land, not even a small error will prevent you from entering and enjoying it. And what you do in the coming weeks will help ensure that later success.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) “Goodness
alone is never enough,” wrote author Robert A. Heinlein. “A hard, cold wisdom is required for goodness to accomplish good. Goodness without wisdom always accomplishes evil.” I think that’s an interesting thought for you to consider during the coming weeks, Sagittarius. If you want your care and compassion to be effective, you’ll have to synergize them with tough intelligence. You may even need to be a bit ferocious as you strive to ensure that your worthy intentions succeed and the people you love get what they need.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Are there
“Jonesin” Crosswords "Bowl Games" I'm busy reading the back. by Matt Jones
ACROSS 1 Meat in a can 5 Satirical internet comedy group since 2002 10 Media monitor, briefly 13 Bones beside radiuses 15 Former capital of Japan (and anagram of the current capital) 16 Pie ___ mode 17 Type of information listed on 62-Across 19 Former “Great British Bake Off” cohost Giedroyc 20 Mingle amongst 21 “That was my best effort” 23 Lumberjack, colloquially 25 “Who ___ is going?” 26 “___ additional cost!” 30 “Atlas Shrugged” author Rand 31 Hybrid lemon variety 32 Moisturizer stick that Kellogg’s once actually sold, based on retro 62-Across 35 “Take ___ Train” (Duke Ellington song) 37 Passionate 38 Completely absorbed 42 Perry Mason creator ___ Stanley Gardner 44 “It stays ___, even in milk!” (claim for some contents of 62-Across) 45 Actor Colm of “Chicago” and “Thor” 48 New, to Beethoven 50 Risque message 51 NYPD alerts 52 Showtime series about a killer of killers 55 Burger topping 57 Did some indoor housework 61 Make mistakes 62 Containers at the breakfast table (represented by the circled letters) 65 Apple’s mobile devices run on it 66 Golf course hazards 67 Authoritative decree 68 Explosive letters 69 Air ducts 70 “Quit it!”
DOWN 1 Grapefruit, in school solar system models 2 “Clue” Professor 3 Against 4 Groucho of comedy 5 Winter Olympics squad 6 “Goodness gracious!” 7 Ending for ball or buff 8 Laundry mark 9 “Brooklyn Nine-Nine” captain Raymond 10 Target of a G rating 11 “A Fish Called Wanda” star 12 Mobile artist Alexander 14 Dancer and YouTube star JoJo 18 Box office buys, briefly 22 Gains again, as trust 24 Six-legged colony member 26 Furry TV alien 27 “Formal Friday” wear 28 “All Songs Considered” broadcaster 29 “Heads” side of a coin 31 List of options 33 Frigid ending? 34 “Bad” cholesterol letters (I have trouble remembering which is which) 36 “Tell ___ About It” (Billy Joel hit) 39 Deck member 40 Code for Arizona’s Sky Harbor Airport 41 News program created by Cenk Uygur, for short 43 Dir. from Denver to Chicago 44 Pirate’s sword 45 “Look at the facts!” 46 “Julie & Julia” director Nora 47 Singer-songwriter Conor 49 Word after “I before E” 52 Tractor manufacturer John 53 Finless fish 54 “Sticks and Bones” playwright David 56 Sketch show with Bob and Doug McKenzie 58 Shows approval 59 Door sign 60 Art ___ (style from 100 years ago) 63 Went on the ballot 64 Engine additive brand
16 • april 06, 2020 • Northern Express Weekly
any ways in which you have been wishy-washy in standing up for what you believe in? Have you shied away from declaring your true thoughts and feelings about important issues that affect you and the people you care about? Have you compromised your commitment to authenticity and integrity for the sake of your ambition or financial gain? In asking you these questions, I am not implying that the answers are yes. But if in fact you have engaged in even a small amount of any of those behaviors, now is an excellent time to make corrections. As much as possible, Capricorn, focus on being trustworthy and transparent.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Physicist
Edward Teller believed there is no such thing as “exact science.” And in his view, that’s a good thing. “Science has always been full of mistakes,” he said. But he added that they’re mostly “good mistakes,” motivating scientists to push closer toward the truth. Each new mistake is a better mistake than the last, and explains the available evidence with more accuracy. I suspect that you’ve been going through a similar process in your personal life, Aquarius. And I predict that the good mistakes you’ve recently made will prove to be useful in the long run.
and it will be especially crucial in the coming weeks. A certain amount of disputation and challenging dialogue with other people will be healthy for you, even an effective way to get clarity and advance your aims. (Don’t overdo it, of course.) But you must promise never to quarrel with or criticize your own nature. You should aim at being a radiant bastion of inner harmony and a powerhouse of self-love. Do whatever’s necessary to coax all your different aspects to work together in sweet unity.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): Like many
Cancerians, painter Marc Chagall cultivated an intimate relationship with his dreams and fantasies. His fellow artist Pablo Picasso remarked, “When Chagall paints, you do not know if he is asleep or awake. Somewhere or other inside his head there must be an angel.” Being a Crab myself, I know how essential it is for us to be in close connection with reverie and the imagination. Every now and then, though, there come occasions when the demands of the material world need our extra, focused attention—when our dreamy tendencies need to be rigorously harnessed in behalf of pragmatism. Now is one of those times.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Is there an influence
you’re ready to outgrow, Leo? Are there teachers who have given you all they have to offer, and now you need to go in search of new founts of inspiration and education? Have you squeezed all possible value out of certain bright ideas and clever theories that no longer serve you? Are you finished with old sources of excitement that have lost their excitement? These are the kinds of questions I encourage you to ask yourself in the coming weeks. It’ll be a favorable time to celebrate the joyful art of liberation—to graduate from what might have been true once upon a time, and prepare for the wide-open future after the COVID-19 crisis has mellowed.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Your words of
PISCES (Feb 19-March 20): Few astrologers
would say that you Pisceans are masters of the obvious or connoisseurs of simplicity. You’re not typically renowned for efficiency or celebrated for directness. Your strength is more likely to be rooted in your emotional riches, your ability to create and appreciate beauty, your power to generate big dreams, and your lyrical perspective on life. So my oracle for you this time may be a bit surprising. I predict that in the coming weeks, your classic attributes will be very useful when applied to wellgrounded, down-to-earth activities. Your deep feelings and robust imagination can be indispensable assets in your hard work on the nuts and bolts.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Built in the third
century B.C., the Colossus of Rhodes was a monumental statue of the Greek sun god. It stood in the harbor of the island of Rhodes, and was called one of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World. Alas: An earthquake struck the area 54 years after it was finished, knocking it over and smashing it into fragments. Three centuries later, many of the chunks still lay scattered around the harbor. I offer this as a teaching story, Taurus. If there are any old psychological ruins lying around in your psyche, I encourage you to conduct an imaginary ritual in which you visualize throwing those ruins into a big bonfire. Clear the slate for the new beginnings that will be available once the COVID-19 crisis has settled down.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): “Argue with
anything else,” writes author Philip Pullman, “but don’t argue with your own nature.” Amen! That’s always good advice for you Geminis,
power in the coming days are simple: deep, low, down, below, dig, dive, and descend. I invite you to meditate on all the ways you can make them work for you as metaphors and use them to activate interesting, nourishing feelings. There’ll be very little worth exploring on the surface of life in the coming weeks, Virgo. All the hottest action and most valuable lessons will be blooming in the fertile darkness.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Before the COVID-19
crisis arrived, were you ensconced in roles that were good fits for your specific temperament and set of talents? Did you occupy niches that brought out the best in you and enabled you to offer your best gifts? Were there places that you experienced as power spots—where you felt at home in the world and at peace with your destiny? Once you’ve meditated on those questions for a while, Libra, I’ll ask you to shift gears: Meditate on how you’d like to answer similar questions about your life in the future. Once this crazy time has passed, what roles will be good fits for you? What niches will bring out the best in you? What will be your power spots?
ScORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): “Fen” is a word
that’s not used much these days. It means a marsh or a boggy lowland. Decades ago, Scorpio poet Marianne Moore used it in a short poem. She wrote, “If you will tell me why the fen appears impassable, I will tell you why I think that I can cross it if I try.” In my opinion, that’s an apt battle cry for you right now. You shouldn’t be upset if people tell you that certain things are impossible for you to do. You should be grateful! Their discouragement will rile up your deep intelligence and inspire you to figure out how you can indeed do those things.
To God Be The Glory
Plath’s Meats EPH 2:7-9
CELEBRATING OUR 107th YEAR! “Serving those who serve the best”
the ADViCE GOddESS Adultery Swim
Q
: I started seeing a guy whose previous relationship ended because he cheated. He insists he really learned his lesson and would never do it again. Should I trust him, or should I go by that line, “once a cheater, always a cheater”? — Worried
A
: People in relationships do develop little traditions — like coming home every night and checking the closet for their boyfriend’s sex partners. The question is, does the skeleton that your boyfriend’s yanked out of the closet point to a heavily populated closet in your collective future? This is ultimately a question of whether he’s a cheater — a person psychologically ”wired” to be prone to cheating — or a person who once cheated. There is a distinction. Sometimes, somebody cheats just to see what it’s like to walk on the bad boy/bad girl side — the (heh) Socio Path. And sometimes, in the moment (SEXXXXX!), somebody who’s generally considerate puts their partner’s feelings on “ignore.” However, evolutionary psychologists David Buss and Todd Shackelford found there seems to be a cheater personality — a trio of personality traits common to people prone to infidelity: narcissism, low conscientiousness, and “psychoticism.” That last one — psychoticism — suggests an axkilling hobby, but it’s actually researcher-ese for a combination of impulsivity, unreliability, and an inability to delay gratification. Narcissism, of course, is the “Me! Me! Me!” personality trait, reflected in self-absorption, self-importance, exploitativeness, and an empty well in the empathy department. Low conscientiousness is the personality trait of the inconsiderate, reflecting disorganization, poor impulse control, and an inability to delay gratification.
BY Amy Alkon
for many joyful years of checking his shirts for some hussy’s self tanner and trying really hard to believe that he only goes to strip clubs for the music.
Best Of Reflux!
Q
: My fiancee and I mutually ended it several months ago, but she’s staying in touch, reaching out, texting, etc. It’s really hard to move on when she’s trying to maintain a connection. I’ve hinted at this, and I know she isn’t interested in rekindling romantically, but nothing changes. — Disturbed
A
: My late Yorkie, Lucy, now resides in a tiny urn in my living room; I didn’t have her taxidermied and mounted on an old roller skate so I could take her on walks like nothing’s changed.
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After a breakup, it’s hard to go your separate ways if you never stop being together. Though your situation sounds like “Brokeback Mountain” for straight people (“Bro, it’s super hard to quit ya!”), there might be something else keeping your ex-fiancee around. Ancestral humans became a cooperative species, living and working together in groups, leading to a need to identify (and avoid) the takers among the givers. We seem to have evolved to act in ways that elevate our reputation, which is basically a social credit check for the sort of people we are. For example, evolutionary psychologist Bo Winegard and his colleagues theorize that reputation promotion is one of the evolutionary functions of grief. They see the expression of grief as a form of advertising for our character, showing us to be loyal and committed allies who “form devoted bonds” with people in our lives.
Yet another factor is a personality trait that psychologist Marvin Zuckerman named “sensation-seeking.” People “high in sensation seeking” crave a variety of new, complex, and intense sensations and experiences and will take physical and social risks to get them.
This zombie fiancee thing — the ex-fiancee who keeps coming back and eating your well-being — may be your ex’s way (probably subconscious) of promoting herself as a good friend, a caring person who doesn’t just shut the door on somebody she’s romantically done with. This could help her seem more attractive to the next guy -- which is surely help you aren’t interested in providing, especially at the expense of your need to heal.
Talk is cheap — especially for the ethically sketchy, the morally underfunded. Look at the guy’s behavior and thinking — in your brief past and in the weeks and months to come. See whether it adds up to good character or reflects the cheater personality markers. Sometimes cheaters change, but personality traits have a substantial genetic component, so cheaters mostly just change who they’re cheating with. If your boyfriend’s moral compass is secretly set on Booty Call North, you’re setting yourself up
Toss the hinting. Tell your ex-fiancee that this maintaining-a-friendship business does not work for you, and ask her to stop contacting you for now and/or until you let her know otherwise. Cutting off contact will help you get used to the new normal — you and your former fiancee walking off into the sunset apart, in totally different directions...at least until your new wife is in the delivery room, giving birth to your first child. A familiar voice behind you: “Guess who’s here to finally cut the cord!”
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www.PlathsMeats.com Northern Express Weekly • april 06, 2020 • 17
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FROM OUR FAMILY TO YOURS,
Happy Easter
20 • april 06, 2020 • Northern Express Weekly