Balance

DOGSMILE ADVENTURES:

Finding Balance in a World Turned Upside Down

“What would you do if you could do anything you wanted? No rules, no boundaries, anything?”

It was March, 2020. My dear friend, Jenni and I were sitting on my little boat in Leinster Bay on the north coast of St. John in the U.S. Virgin Islands. The COVID-19 outbreak had just turned our world upside down and I was hanging by a thread.

Our mission was simple: Sail my 35-foot boat 2,000 nautical miles across the Caribbean Sea from Grenada to Florida. There, it would meet a truck and be hauled to Seattle to begin its new life as a charter boat and likely be sold. We had completed the first 1/3 of the trip when the whole world changed. People were dying, governments were locking down and it had become very clear that we weren’t going anywhere for a while.

I phoned our destination in Seattle to discuss the situation. What I heard on the other end of the line punched me right in the gut: “Jon, you need to make other plans.” The deal was off and there we sat in the middle of the Caribbean with nowhere to go and nowhere to be on a boat I couldn’t afford to keep. As the questions waxed, my confidence waned. I sat in the cockpit of my sailboat, my dream, with tears in my eyes and a heavy, suffocating pain in my chest.

In that moment, I looked up through the fear and tears at Jenni sitting in the sun on the transom of the boat. Salty and stoic, she turned to look at me with a gaze as cool as the other side of the pillow, and laid that million-dollar question on me.

In any other state of mind, I’d have likely responded with some sort of dismissive quip; but not that day. There in the hot island sun with my heart broken and my spirit dangling I was vulnerable enough to play along.

My answer came quickly with a clarity that cleared my eyes and grounded me firmly in the moment. “I’d give it away,” I said.

I’ve been on more outdoor adventures than anyone I know. Most of which came with a paycheck. I’ve spent countless days soaking up sunshine and breeze. I won’t lie; it’s been lovely. That used to be enough for me. I was spending my life on the water, putting smiles on people’s faces and making plenty of money to support my simple, salty lifestyle.

Then something changed. It began with a general discomfort upon my return to the dock each week. That discomfort evolved into guilt and eventually shame. Most days, the sea washed the feelings away; and when that didn’t work, there was always the rum. Eventually, no amount of chemically enhanced natural beauty could convince me that what I was doing was enough, or good or even right. So I stopped. It was time to get out. It was time to move on.

In the hours, days and weeks that followed Jenni’s ship-righting question we swam, hiked and penciled out my dream. I would start a nonprofit, therapeutic sailing program on a lake in Idaho that would connect the healing power of water and wind with those who need it most, for free.

Dogsmile Adventures is the result of this career outdoor educator and guide’s return from the brink. I’m gonna give it away. I’ll fill my boat with people who wouldn’t otherwise get to go; and when I walk up the dock at the end of the day, my pockets won’t be full of money. Instead, my heart will be full of gratitude and purpose, and that’s more than enough. w

CAPTAIN JON TOTTEN

Professional sailor, guide and outdoor educator - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Dogsmile Adventures is a nonprofit, 501©3 therapeutic sailing program. We create powerful opportunities for people to discover healing and potential through sailing adventures. While our focus is on underserved communities, such as veterans, youth, and those facing the challenges associated with addiction, domestic violence, and physical or mental disabilities, our programs are open to anyone who believes that spending time on a sailboat will make them feel better. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - For information visit the website at www.dogsmileaventures.org