How do I talk about my funeral wishes?

Talking about death or your own funeral isn’t an easy subject to approach but we believe having a conversation with your family about your wishes is really important and not as difficult as you might have feared.

Would starting a conversation about your funeral or dying make you feel awkward and uncomfortable? It’s something we should all do, no matter our age. You may choose to do so for your own peace of mind, or to ease the burden on your family and friends when the time comes.

From 8th – 14th May 2023, everyone is encouraged to talk about death, grief and dying as part of Dying Matters Week.

Here are some suggestions to make the conversation a little easier and help break the taboo surrounding this subject.

Be direct

Finding a time that is suitable for the conversation about dying is key. Perhaps while you are out walking would make it less uncomfortable. You should try to write down beforehand what points you’d like to cover. You could start by saying “I know this is a difficult subject but I’ve been thinking about my funeral arrangements and would like to discuss them with you.”

Refer to a funeral you have seen

Another way to approach the subject is to ask open ended, hypothetical questions or refer to a funeral you have seen in the news or on TV. Perhaps something along the lines of “Did you watch Queen Elizabeth’s funeral? I really liked the flowers and would like to have the same for my funeral.”

Write down your funeral wishes

If talking to someone about your wishes really isn’t an option, either because you or they would feel too uncomfortable or you don’t get the response you had hoped for when you broach the subject, you could write down your funeral wishes. This could be as simple as keeping written notes on a piece of paper (where someone you trust knows of the safe place it is stored) or more formally, by adding into your will. You can provide as little or as much detail as you wish here, from key decisions such as burial or cremation, religious or non-religious to specific readings and songs, you can let your family have some choice on the specifics on the day if appropriate.

Speak to a funeral director

Most funeral directors will discuss funeral arrangements with you and make a note of these formally. Our funeral home has an open door policy, so you can visit anytime to meet with our team and look around our chapel of rest if you wish. It can be much easier to talk to someone outside of your family about your wishes as it allows you to keep the emotion from the conversation. All you then have to do is make sure you tell someone you trust where your funeral details are held. There shouldn’t be a charge for this service.

Ultimately, you know those closest to you better than anyone, so it’s important to do what you feel most comfortable with. n

If you have any questions that you would like answering please send them to info@tomowenandson.com

Kelly Owen is a funeral director at Tom Owen and Son – an awardwinning, family run, independent community Funeral Director situated in Llandudno. They provide a modern fresh approach to organising funerals that empowers you to have a unique funeral that is fitting for the person that has died. For more information, please get in touch with one of the team by calling 01492 860 280 or visit the blog and website at www. tomowenandson.com call us now for

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