you wouldn't think it...

kiran malik-khan

You Wouldn’t Think It…

But dead people leave too many clothes hangers behind… You wouldn’t think it until you are forced to.

Maybe it is not about the weather but about how we blew apart… and back together.

There was nothing

There is nothing Darkness

Nothing

It seemed a stifling matter to others, but everything to me. It was nothing, but everything.

I see my family celebrating at Christmas Hugging and laughing

I see my wife sitting alone on the couch Silent

Unimportant was my pain, inadequate was my fight, unyielding were the demons.

Simply a statistic

The pain grew

Secluded, silently stinging strikes sliced so slyly, sewn steeply.

The pain grew. And I knew But felt alone.

Birthdays, laughter, love, growth and forgotten. she still sits there alone. Sad. Alone

Awaken. Alive. Dreams. So real Intensity. Change.

Home

kimlyn stanyon

I picture throwing the glass at him. If it hit him just right. If I claimed that it was self defense. I close the tap, put the glass to my lips and take a sip.

“Do you not have fucking hands?” I say.

“Woah,” he says.

“Sorry, I’m sorry,” I say.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, long day.”

“Okay, well, I’m going to play PC for a bit then. Love you. Just bring the coffee up to me, but don’t make any noise. I’m on open mic.”

“Alexa, play the Beatles.” I say.

I hate cleaning. It is an endless nonsensical loop that feels like an evil social experiment designed to slowly chip away at a person’s will to live. I turn on the oven. I take out pork chops and a salad bag from the fridge.

Dinner

“I just saw an ad for this company called Attune,” he says. I look up from my plate.

“They are redefining couple’s therapy,” he says.

“Okay, so you want to do therapy now?” I say.

“Just hear me out,” he says. “Basically, you get to explore each other’s mind in VR. It sounds better when it’s said all sciency, though.”

“Sounds intrusive,” I say.

“Do you have something to hide, Dr. Jekyll?” he says.

“Is it expensive?” I say

“They are calling for test subjects. We would get paid for doing therapy, lol.”

“Ah, you aren’t actually interested in fixing anything, then.”

“Could you not?” he says.

“Mm-hmm.” I say.

“Why do you always have to be so difficult?” he says.

“I’m not being difficult.”

“Mm-hmm.”

“Okay, on the condition that we use the money to do something fun. You don’t get to blow it all on outfits for your character.”

Attune

“You don’t even have the slightest interest in me anymore,” I say.

“What are you on about now?” he says.

“Well, just look at your feet.”

“My feet?”

“Yeah, they aren’t even pointed at me.”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“It’s basic body language. A guy points in the direction of what he wants.”

“Well, my feet are literally pointed at nothing, Maya.”

“I didn’t say you wanted someone else.”

“You realise that you sound insane right? I honestly don’t know how to deal with you females.”

“Don’t.”

“Can you try to keep it together when we are in public, please.”

A man walks into the room. He turns on the projector and pulls down the screen.

“This video explains everything you need to know about the tech.” says the man. “Once it is done, we will move on to the capture pods. There we will do a scan of your brain and map out your mind.”

The video has the tone of a children’s science special from the 90’s. The music is fun and vibrant.

“Stop tapping your feet,” whispers David.

“Sorry,” I say.

“Why did you have to wear the light up sneakers?”

“They make me happy,” I say.

“It’s like you go out of your way to embarrass me sometimes,” he says.

“I didn’t really think about it.”

“Well, they make you look like an idiot. It’s hard to take you seriously when you’re walking into a room putting on a lightshow, and that’s a reflection on me as well.”

“Right. Sorry.”

The man switches off the projector. “Do you have any questions?”

“I think we are good,” David says.

“You can follow me then,” says the man.

The lights from my shoes bounce off the cold vinyl tiles and dance about the hallway.

“I love your shoes,” says the man. “They are so fun.”

“Thank you,” I say.

We stop in a large white room. At the center of the space is a dentist’s chair. A team stands around it. Their faces are eager.

“Who wants to go first?” the man says.

“You go,” says David.

I take in a deep breath and nod my head.

“Don’t worry, I know it looks a little daunting, but the process is relatively quick and completely painless,” says the man.

Multiple hands strap me in and stick sensors onto me. The machine beeps ominously at random intervals.

“We are going to ask you a series of questions. You just have to close your eyes and think the answers,” says the man.

Preparation

“You can take off your clothes now.”

“What?” I say

“You must be naked for the sensation suit to work properly. They are impossible to get on yourself, unfortunately,” the man says. “I can arrange for a female attendant if you would prefer.”

I undress whilst keeping my eyes fixed on the floor. I can feel them staring at me. The team quickly covers my body in a gel and helps me into the suit.

“It feels like I am suspended in water.” I say.

“Good,” says the man.

The idea of crying comes to me. I feel that knot in my throat. I feel my eyes well. Something always prevents the tears from falling.

The Session

“If you feel claustrophobic, disorientated, nauseous or unsafe say ‘stop’ immediately. The program will shut down and you can have a quick break.”

“Okay,” we say in unison

“Do not feel bad to say stop. It can take participants a few tries to adjust.”

The helmet is constricting. The VR system boots up like an old PC; a blue screen, an array of code, the Attune logo followed by a loading bar.

“Maya?” says David

“Hey!” I say. “Can you see me?”

“No, I am in this fancy old timey lounge area. There is a game menu.”

“It’s just dark for me,” I say

“Hold on,” says the man. “Can you see anything now?”

“Yeah, I am in the lounge.” I say. “Hey, I see you.”

“Yeah, I see you now. I’m going to press start,” David says.

“Okay, cool,” I say.

A loading bar comes up. The room transitions. Stone walls are delicately lit by medieval torches. In the center of the room there is a statue of a nymph holding a mirror.

“Step up to the mirror and look at yourself through the eyes of your beloved,” says a voice.

“Do you want to go first?” he says.

“Okay,” I say.

I stand in front of the mirror. My reflection looks at me. She is a perfect image. My body is flawlessly curved without one extra pound. My face is wonderfully smooth. My eyes sparkle. My smile is radiant. My hair is healthy and vibrant. I am the best possible version of myself.

“We are so loved,” says the reflection.

I look back at David. He smiles at me.

“You are my special one,” he says.

“Stop.” I say “Stop, stop, stop.”

I remove the helmet quickly.

“Is everything okay?” says the man.

“I need a minute,” I say.

“Okay, just let me know when you want to go back in. David should be done with the mirror any second now and then we can move on to the open worlds.” grief by Tineesha McKay

“It didn’t stop for David, too?” I say David takes off his helmet. He stares at me. His tears fall.