Look out for more madcap adventures from Nell and Freddie! CARYL HART lives on a windy hill in the Peak District with her husband, two cheeky daughters, a bouncy black labrador and two fluffy black cats.
SARAH WARBURTON grew up in Anglesey, North Wales. She has created many books, including The Princess and the Peas, also with Caryl Hart. Sarah lives in Bristol with her husband, two children and a dog called Ivor.
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For Kat xx C. H. To Caryl, for writing all the pictures and letting me draw them. Thanks xx S. W. First published in the UK in 2016 by Nosy Crow Ltd The Crow’s Nest, 10a Lant Street London, SE1 1QR, UK Nosy Crow and associated logos are trademarks and/or registered trademarks of Nosy Crow Ltd Text copyright © Caryl Hart, 2016 Cover and illustrations copyright © Sarah Warburton, 2016 The right of Caryl Hart and Sarah Warburton to be identified as the author and illustrator respectively of this work has been asserted by them in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988. All rights reserved 1 3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2 A CIP catalogue record for this book will be available from the British Library. This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, hired out or otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise) without the prior written permission of Nosy Crow Ltd. Printed and bound in Turkey by Imago Papers used by Nosy Crow are made from wood grown in sustainable forests. ISBN: 978 0 85763 625 6 www.nosycrow.com
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It wasn’t really my fault. And you can’t really go blaming Freddie Spoon, either. He was trying to be a hero. It’s not as if he meant for things to get so crazy. Still, it all turned out OK in the end so I guess that’s what matters. 1
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Who am I? My name is Nell. Nell Henry. Actually, my full name is Antonella Henry, but nobody can say it. Or spell it. So I’m Nell. And that’s that.
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I haven’t got a dog, or a cat, or even a mouse, because Mum has me and Lucas and the Baby to look after and can’t cope with any more animals. Lucas is my big brother. He thinks he’s clever because he goes to big school and has long hair and is allowed to stay up till nine o’clock. I think he is annoying because he’s always looking in the mirror at his spots and never wants to play anything. Also, I’ve got my dad, and my granny who lives in our basement. I live in a tall white house on a street. It has steps up to the front door. Sometimes the bell doesn’t work and you have to shout really loud to be let in.
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Our garden is pretty boring. It’s got grass and a shed and we used to have a swing till Lucas and his friends broke it by seeing how many of them could get on it at once. They only got three, so it wasn’t even worth it. But next door is the most amazing garden you’ve ever seen. It’s like a proper jungle. It’s all tangly and Mrs Next Door hardly ever goes out there because she’s in a wheelchair and she can’t bend down properly to do the weeding. You’d think she’d be grumpy, stuck in a wheelchair all day, but she’s not.
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She’s really nice. She lets me and Freddie Spoon build dens behind the greenhouse because she says Children Need Wild Places. And it’s true. They do. Mrs Next Door says it’s nice to hear the sound of children’s laughter. I don’t think she’d like it so much if she knew what we were laughing about.
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Love Letter So, one day after school, me and Freddie Spoon wriggled into our den in Mrs Next Door’s garden to do some whispering. I was feeling especially excited because I had something really funny to show him. I dug in my pocket and gave him a scrumpled-up piece of paper I’d found on Lucas’s floor. 8
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“It’s a love letter,” I said. “Read it!” Freddie Spoon smoothed out the paper and read it out loud.
Dear Dude I see you walking round at school I think you are cool Your hair is long it does not pong you are sweet so are your feet maybe we will meet So yeah. from An admirer
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We laughed and snorted and rolled around for a while then Freddie Spoon said, “We should keep this. It might come in handy.” When I asked what for, Freddie Spoon put on an American accent and said, “You know – leverage. Collateral. Insurance.” I didn’t really know what he was talking about. I said maybe we could use it to force Lucas into doing something for us when we needed him to. Then we talked about what we wanted in our packed lunches the next day for the school trip. And then Freddie Spoon said he had to go and babysit the twins while his mum sorted out his big brothers. “I wonder what they’ve done this time,” he said.
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Never Eat an Egg The next day, we went on a school trip to this really cool farm. It was the kind of place where you could feed the animals and watch eggs hatch and hide from our teacher, Miss Sweetly. It was so fun!
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The lady gave everyone a paper bag full of little green pellets. Freddie Spoon put a handful in his mouth to impress Lucy Perkins. He said they tasted of grass. Lucy Perkins said Freddie Spoon was a loser. The only boy she likes is my big brother, Lucas. Eeeuw!! 13
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First we fed the goats. I put some pellets into my hand and the goats licked them off with their tongues. They didn’t even bite. Freddie Spoon held his bag of food towards a big billy goat, and the billy goat 14
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grabbed it and ate the whole lot including the bag as well! Next we fed the chickens. Freddie Spoon said, “Never eat an egg because it comes out of a chicken’s bottom.” I laughed so much that stuff came out of my nose. 15
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Then we saw the pigs. The Farm Man told us that pigs are very clever and that some people even keep them as pets inside their house! If I had a pet pig I’d teach it to read Lucas’s Skull Man comics and ride a bike and play the guitar.
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There was a great big pink mother pig and hundreds of tiny little piglets. I said the teeny-weeny one was the cutest thing in the whole world. Freddie Spoon said it didn’t matter if it was cute or not, because it was the runt. He said runts hardly ever got enough milk and usually died of hunger or else the big fat mother pig rolled on top of them and squished them flat.
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I was so upset, I shouted: “YOU’RE
A BIG FAT LIAR!”
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But Freddie Spoon just smirked. He said I could ask Miss Sweetly if I didn’t believe him. I stuck my tongue out and said, “You’re not my friend any more.” I didn’t speak to him again until it was time to go home. Freddie Spoon was the last one on the coach. “Hey, Nelly-Belly!” he shouted. I slid down in my seat, folded my arms and scowled. “What?” I said crossly. Freddie Spoon plumped down beside me, grinning like an idiot. “Hey, Nelly-Belly,” he said again. “I got you a present.” Now, if you know anything at all about Freddie Spoon, you will know that this isn’t necessarily a good thing. The last present he gave me was a flat, dried-out toad that he’d peeled up off the road.
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So I said, “Will I like it?” but Freddie Spoon didn’t say anything. He just unzipped his rucksack a tiny little bit. That was when I knew we were in
Really
BIG Trouble.
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