Not Mine by Tim Lawrence & David Mcleod

Not Mine by Tim Lawrence and David Mcleod

To both our families, for their love, support and tolerance.

Tim Lawrence & Dave Mcleod November 2013

Publication date: October 2013 ISBN 978-0-473-26475-8

Not Mine

Come and take a ride with courier driver Mike Bishop as he delivers peoples packages and boxes around Auckland, always on time and always with a smile.

He’s a happy guy that loves his life and loves his job.

Unfortunately for Mike life is about to change when someone from his past delivers a special package to his door..

Chapter 1 Mike Bishop had heard it all.

‘My life sucks’, ‘I hate my job’, ‘My girlfriend is a pain in the ass’, ‘My kids are great, but sometimes I just want to…’

He was sure his mates had pommy blood surging through their veins judging by the amount they whinged about their lives. Of course Mike joined in and agreed with them, generally adding a few digs at his own life. “Traffic is bloody awful, gas prices just keep going up, my gut keeps growing…”

But the truth was, Mike really liked his life.

He was sure that to most, being a courier driver was probably one step down from a garbage man – and therefore several steps up from a car salesman or real estate agent but for Mike it meant the freedom of being his own boss, and due to his big patch and regular runs, meant a reasonable living.

Sure, there were days when the traffic snarled up due to rain, or rubberneckers slowing to look at some motorway shunt. But on those days he just turned up the music and rode out the time on sound waves. As for the terrible driving stunts from people that must have been found their license in a box of cornflakes, a long lean on the air horns and a flip of the bird generally did the trick.

He liked his job and he liked his customers. Some of the company’s other drivers preferred to do the long runs up and down the country – after all, the jobs paid more per kilometre and the on the long hauls the kilometres stacked up quick. But Mike couldn’t think of anything worse than endless miles of tarmac not broken up by customer interaction.

“What’s your pick for the game this weekend?” asked one of his regular customers and actually now a friend that sometimes came out on the town with him and the boys.

“Warriors by 10,” Mike replied.

Mike loved all things sport and had a good eye for most games, particularly footie and League. He wasn’t right all the time, but enough to be deemed worthy of listening to. His knowledge of sports, good sense of humour and ability to chug a pint in under three seconds gave him a man’s man status. But Mike considered himself more of a ladies’ man.

“I think you’re way out this time – those Aussies are on fire.”

“Nah, they’re knackered from last week – dropping like flies with injuries – it’s not pretty.”

“Fair comment – speaking of not pretty, how did you get on with that BOBFOC on Saturday night?”

“BOBFOC?” Mike looked puzzled.

“Body off Baywatch, face off Crimewatch.”

Mike burst out laughing. “That’s pretty cruel.”

“Sometimes the truth hurts, brother.”

“Yeah, not my proudest moment I have to say.” Mike said then changed the subject.

“Just these today buddy?” he asked pointing towards the boxes at the end of the bench.

“Yep, slow day.”

Mike said goodbye and picked up the boxes, took them out to the side of his yellow and blue courier van. Once stacked neatly inside he slid the door closed and hopped back into the driver’s seat. He checked his call sheet for the next job and took off.

It had been a long morning and Mike was starving. Eating on the run was part of the job of course, and some of the other drivers packed lunches to combat the inevitable bulge that was an unnecessary perk of the role. But Mike was never that organised, so fast food was almost always on the menu. Unfortunately for his stomach it was a couple of days before payday and that meant no money in his account. It was time to head to the golden arches for their loose change burgers.

Chapter 2 For Mike, flatting in Auckland was always a lot of fun, especially with the two guys he lived with, Steve and Barry.

All three of them were in their early twenties; Mike was the tallest but not by much, closely followed by Steve and then Barry. Mike was slightly bigger, framed muscularly, then Steve, with Barry a little chubby. All liked to binge drink and all liked the girls. Steve worked as a sales rep for a plumbing supplies company and Barry worked in an insurance office. Mike still had no idea what Barry did exactly, but put it down to paper shuffling.

The quaint villa in the Auckland suburb of Grey Lynn was close enough to the action and the rent was reasonable.

The place was a little tired looking from the outside and thankfully had a tiny garden as none of them had green fingers, but it was fully decked out inside when it came to electrical goods. The 65-inch TV took pride of place in the living room – with surround sound of course. Gaming consoles, satellite TV, tablets and laptops all set up to interact with each other and the rest of the world.

Weekends started at 4pm on a Friday and usually consisted of meeting the flatties in a bar close to home for a couple of cold ones. Then it was home to get out of the work clothes, grabbing a box of stubbies on the way of course, jacking the tunes up loud upon arrival, then get half-baked while they got ready before hitting the town for the babes.

House rules for conquests were simple – good looking girls needed to be shown to the rest of the housemates for a ranking report. Good old-fashioned marks out of ten were awarded on appearance alone. Flatmates could state the case afterwards if they had ‘special skills.’ Presentation to the other flatmates was not needed if she was over an eight pinter - as of you needed at least eight pints before she’d look good - unless of course she was remarkably ugly, then another ranking system was in place.

Then for Mike, there was the gym three times a week which was more about looking good and being seen than actually working out. Having chosen one of the more popular gyms in Auckland, Mike looked forward to having a bit of a perv at the hotties that worked out there, picking the busiest time of the day to workout was a bittersweet affair: yes he had to wait in-between sets for the equipment to come free, but the surrounding view more than made up for it. Recently though he had started to get a little more serious and was making good gains, helped by using a qualified personal trainer once a week but equally assisted by his change of diet; he had switched to a great sports supplements brand Sci-MX. Each month was always a bit of fun in the house, a little game they called ‘Guess who’s on the latest M2 Magazine cover’. Each month, the week before it came out, they all made a little bet on which star was going to be on the cover – sometimes predictable and sometimes not. Either way they all generally drank the winnings together. On the quiet Mike really liked the magazine. He enjoyed most of the articles but was keen to see the ‘new look’ for the month or season – all for the babes.

They all shared the love of sport too. Big games were always watched on either their big screen, the local bars or at the stadium whenever funds allowed. Motorsport was a bit of a house divide, a two-to-one split in favour of Ford over Holden. Bathhurst was obviously an all-day affair.

Gaming nights with pizza were also a flat favourite. Whenever a new shoot ‘em up or racing came on the market it was house lockdown time. Pizzas were bought and it was up all night to finish the game as soon as possible.

Curry nights were once every six weeks; venues were chosen at random and anyone and everyone was invited. They gave a chance to talk crap, get slightly merry and eat a myriad of arse-burning meals.

You’d think you’d get bored of this after a few years but no, Mike was having a ball.

Chapter 3 The other great thing about Mike’s life was his work at Leggit Couriers. He loved being a courier driver and he especially loved the company he worked in. They were an eclectic bunch of guys and girls, a sort of mishmash of races, ages and personalities but for one reason on particular it all gelled – that one reason was the boss, Ernie.

Ernie was in his sixties and knew the courier business inside out. He dressed in shorts and work boots whatever the weather; called a spade a spade and didn’t hold grudges. Well, not for long anyway. He was the type of guy that you knew where you stood with, but one thing was for sure: you didn’t want to piss him off, Ernie had a temper that you did not want to be on the receiving end of.

Someone once said that ‘All great men have a great woman behind him’ and in Ernie’s case that woman was his ‘work wife’ Wendy the company dispatch manager – his actual wife Elizabeth was a bit of a stuck up gold digging bitch. Well, Mike thought so anyway. Whenever she turned up at the office she pranced around like she owned the place. To be fair in a roundabout way, she did own the place but that wasn’t the point. Wendy on the other hand was firm but fair. She knew how to handle the business and more importantly she knew how to handle people both staff and customers.

The company had a family feel about it - something Mike truly lacked in his life - and Ernie treated it as such. Once a month he would throw a company BBQ at the depot. Stubbies and cask wine were supplied and for food either a pig on a spit or slabs of rump for the grill, always rolls and ketchup but never any salad. Taxis were always available on Ernie’s account should anyone go over the limit.

The company BBQ was always a good way to get meet the rest of the gang. Attendance wasn’t mandatory but virtually everyone went – Mike guessed that proved how close they all were.

The company family tree had two distinct branches, aside from running – or thinking he did - the entire business.

Ernie focussed on handling the sales, warehouse and drivers teams, while Wendy covered dispatchers, customer service and accounts. Of course there were crossovers and where this happened Wendy would automatically pick up the slack.

Invariably, at some point during the BBQs the teams would form around their leaders and talk relative shop – the specifics and highlights of what had happened in the preceding weeks. On a day to day basis the pace of the business was quite frenetic so some things got missed or parked but the BBQ was a platform to openly express views and attitudes.

Most company issues were handled and resolved at the BBQs.

Chapter 4 “Dude, you’ll never guess what happened to me yesterday.”

Mike was in talking to Big Hoss, Leggit Couriers’ main storeman. Big Hoss was a nickname he picked up for two reasons, firstly he loved the TV show Pawn Stars and was always going on about what was brought in and how he always guessed what price the store would negotiate. Secondly he was skinny as a rake, the complete opposite of one of the show’s stars with the same nickname.

“What pearler of a story do you have for me today?” Big Hoss loved Mike’s stories.

“You know that online company that works from their garage?”

“The one out east that you reckon has the MILF?” “Yep, that’s the one. Well today when I walked down her drive I heard a buzzing noise coming from inside her garage. It got louder and louder as I got near her doorway. I had no idea what it was but my mind had all sorts of ideas racing around if you know what I mean.”

Big Hoss nodded.

“So I poked my head round the doorway and she had her back to me with her trousers off and her legs up on the desk. I couldn’t see where her hands were but the buzzing noise was coming from whatever she was doing with her hands.”

Big Hoss was hooked.

“What was she doing? Did you catch her doing what I think?” He asked excitedly.

“I’m telling you, I stood there for what seemed like ages, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.”

Big Hoss was beside himself with anticipation.

“So what was she doing? Was she...”

“I knocked on the doorframe and cleared my throat and she almost jumped out of her skin. You’ll never guess what she was up to.”

“What.. What?”

“Shaving her legs with a battery shaver.” Mike laughed.

“Damn.” Big Hoss sighed. “You bastard, I thought she was-” “So did I.” Mike butted in. “She was so embarrassed, standing there in her knickers, shaver in her hand, which was worth the trip anyway. I just burst out laughing and she saw the funny side too, especially when I told her what I thought she was up to.”

“You and your damn stories Bishop. I swear I need to come out with you one day.”

“Any time brother, any time.” Mike said, patting him on the back.

“Are you two going to sit around talking all day or are you going to do the work you’re getting paid for?” Ernie’s wife Elizabeth came from around the back of the warehouse.

Both Mike and Big Hoss went scarlet red with embarrassment, wondering how much of the story she’d heard.

“We’re uh just checking delivery dockets.” Mike lied.

“Well if you moved the boxes like you moved your mouths, just think how great the Leggit’s could be. Now back to it please.”

The moment she left the warehouse they both turned to each other and said, “What a bitch.”

“Anyway bud, what have you got for me?” Mike asked and Big Hoss pointed him in the direction of a pile of packages and satchels.

“They’re all yours.”

Mike loaded the van and set off on the day’s route.

First call of the day though was to drop in to his favourite cafe around the corner from the depot. The Tiny Turtle was an unusual name for a café, but all Mike cared about was ease of parking, speed of service and that they served up the best brand of java – Allpress.

“Morning Mike,” came the dulcet tones from Joe the barista. Mike often wondered if Joe was his real name; it seemed very convenient for a guy to be named the same as the thing he served.

“Morning Joe, how’s.. um.. things?” Mike was going to ask Joe about his back and then realised that he didn’t have all day to hear the long winded answer.

“Can’t complain. No-one listens anyway,” came Joe’s response.

“Good to hear.” Mike wasn’t listening. His attention had been taken up by a girl in a white summer dress walking past the cafe.

“Do you want a napkin with your coffee?” Joe asked as he handed the drink over the counter to him.

“Enough to make you dribble ay Joe? But not from old age like you.” Mike joked and took the coffee.

“Cheeky bugger! That’ll be $10: $5 for the drink and $5 for your cheek.”

“No cash on me right now so stick it on my account please Joe. Oh and grab yourself a hot chocolate for your afternoon nap, old-timer.” Mike laughed and made for the door, as a pink marshmallow flew past his head.

“Missed. Laters.” He called back as he left the cafe.

Safely inside his van Mike checked his roster - Airport Oaks Pick up.

Mike skimmed through the tunes on his MP3 player, selecting just the right tune to suit his upbeat mood for the day, he turned up the volume and turned up the bass. Sun was shining so Oakley’s on, big gulp of caffeine to jolt the system.

“Ahhh,” he said. Life was good.

He put the van into gear and headed off to the Airport.

Chapter 5 “I thought we were going to lose you to Claire,” Steve joked, although secretly he was happy that Mike and Claire had split up.

“You two made a great couple.” He lied.

“Yeah, three times was enough.” Mike replied and took another mouthful of Rogan Josh.

There were eight of them at Curry Club this month. Mike, Steve and Barry of course, Jon, Ralph and Peter made up the rest of the core group plus two newbies were there, friends of Jon. “Three dates? That’s almost a record!” Barry chimed in.

“I swear you find something wrong with all of them. Too tall, too short, too fat, too skinny and of course, too crazy.

What was the deal breaker with Claire?’ Ralph quizzed.

‘Don’t be like that guys, they’re all lovely in their own little way, I just haven’t found that truly special one yet – as you know, I’m a romantic.” Mike smiled as he responded.

“Yeah yeah, cut the bull. You’re about as romantic as a hallmark card but half as sincere. What was wrong with her?

Tattoos? Garlic Breath? Too clingy?” Ralph continued to probe for answers.

Mike took a moment and took a pull on his Kingfisher beer. “Alright, alright if you must know – she was Pink Floyd.”

“Ohhhh.” Came the reply from most of the table.

The two Curry Club newbies were bemused and confused. Over the years and over many drunken nights, the guys had come up with a variety of different ‘reason for breakup’ codes. Admittedly, some codes were far vaguer than some of the others – Pink Floyd was just such a case.

“You’re probably going to have to explain that one.” Mike said to Jon as he nodded towards the vacant faces of the two newbies.

“Oh yeah, sorry guys. Pink Floyd, Brick in the Wall.” Jon said as if this explained everything.

Again, nothing but blank faces.

‘The end of the song, where the Scottish guy is yelling?’

Nothing still.

He said and looked around the table for help. “If they don’t eat your meat, they don’t stay around for pudding!” the other six said in unison.

The whole table erupted in laughter.

For the next half hour conversation was all about the break up codes, the guys figured that the newbies warranted bringing up to speed with some more of the terminology. The phrases and explanations kept the whole table in fits of hysterics and it was just as well the restaurant was empty because they would have surely cleared it with their conversation.

After getting several unusual side glances from the staff they finally decided to bring the topic of conversation back to normal, sport, gaming and a hint of work thrown in.

One of the newbies turned out to be involved in grounds keeping at Eden Park so he was instantly a best friend of them all. But his newfound fame dwindled when they found out that he couldn’t give them access to free passes to the games, especially the big ones – turns out the Curry Club was a fickle group.

“Wow, you’re gonna need to put the toilet roll in the freezer for when that comes back out.” The red faced Barry announced as he wafted his hand in front of his mouth and pointed at the aggressive looking orange coloured chicken dish on the table.

Again the table erupted into laughter.

Chapter 6 The pickup from Mt Wellington always put a smile on Mike’s face. The company dealt in sexual aids, DVD’s and all other manner of interesting devices and paraphernalia. They packaged their wares in brown paper as expected but always had a telltale little heart logo put discretely on the underside of all packs. The Russian storeman was an incredibly gaunt and ashen faced-guy who Mike assumed loved his job far more than he should.

“Afternoon Boris, looks like you’ve had a busy day.” Mike was referring to the pile of boxes waiting to be picked up. But Boris obviously thought differently by the slight red tinge that came across his face – it made him look almost alive. Almost.

“Da.” “Must be the downturn in the economy, people are spending more time at home.” Mike continued as he started to load his van.

“Da.” It didn’t take long for Mike to finish.

“Great chatting with you Boris, see you next week.” Mike said sarcastically as he closed the van door and waved goodbye.

Packaging and logos were a fun pasttime for Mike, and in truth for most of the drivers. It was good to know what type of package you were delivering to what type of person. Most of the packs were either too nondescript or too branded to cause a lot of interest. General health and beauty packs from vitamin companies, books from bookstores, toys from toyshops all very humdrum, but then there were the packs like the ones he’d just picked up. One’s with the discrete but tell-all logos. This information was shared among the other drivers to brighten up their day. Heart logos meant that the driver always rang the doorbell to see the recipient – even if the delivery note said leave on the porch.

There were blue and pink spot logos for the erectile challenged and libido impaired. There was the medical looking logo on the home ‘lip plumper’ kit for the women wanting to look like a koi carp or goldfish. Then there were the ‘road sign’ logos from underwear companies. Narrow road for the industrial lycra pull together bodices and the uneven road logo of the lift and enhance bra fillets.

Logos were a true source of amusement and entertainment.

Mike’s day finished up without a hitch and he headed back to base for the company BBQ. There was a special appearance at this month’s BBQ – Ernie’s wife Elizabeth had graced them with her presence.

She was all dressed up in a way too tight fitting leopard print outfit and all made up in an industrial coating of Max Factor make up. The team smelt her before she arrived, due to the perfume she must have bathed or semi drowned in prior to leaving the house. Mike was sure he was being far too uncharitable about her, but Ernie was such a down to earth type of guy and he wondered why he was married to a woman that seemed to wear, drive and basically spend any or all of the company profits.

“Hello everyone.” She announced as she waltzed into the depot.

“I thought you’d all like to join me in wishing Mr Leggit a big happy birthday.”

With that, a parade of waiters and waitresses trundled in behind her armed with a huge cake and platters of canapés.

After the mandatory birthday song was finished – instigated and overpowerfully sung slightly off-key by Elizabeth – and the majority of the finger food was eaten, Elizabeth moved over to the group forming around Wendy leaving the usual suspects including Mike to join Ernie near the pig on the BBQ. “Sorry Ern, didn’t realise it was your birthday so soon after the last one. Just as well Elizabeth remembered.” Mike joked.

“Truth is, I’d rather forget them now.” Ernie laughed and sank a big gulp of beer.

“Truth is you don’t remember them now.” Big Hoss joked.

“Cheeky bastard.” Ernie replied.

“We’d have done a whip round had we known.” Mike said and gestured towards the rest of the staff.

“Not much point in a whip round from you Bishop, I’d be lucky if you’d be able to get me a beer.”

Big Hoss agreed. “Wouldn’t be enough for a lunch, that’s for sure.”

“Too busy spending it on dressing up for a Friday night,” one of the other guys added.

“Nothing wrong with looking good for the ladies.” Mike joked.

“It is when you can’t afford to buy them a drink.” Big Boss was quick today.

“Only if they want champagne Big Hoss, I stay away from those types. Always happy to buy a girl a beer though.”

“You’re so tight, Bishop. If you were a ghost you wouldn’t give us a fright.” Ernie joked.

“Maybe you should pay us more!” Mike was warming up.

“Work harder get paid more – easy.” Ernie fired back.

The banter was getting more and more playful.

“Maybe I could merge my love of women with my love of money.” Mike rubbed his chin.

“You’re too ugly to be a gigolo Mike.”

Mike snapped his fingers as he thought of something.

“I need to find a girl with a rich dad, simple as that. You don’t have a daughter, do you Ernie?”

“There’s no way I’m letting you near my princess.” Ernie smiled but his face was serious.

“Oh so you do have one – you’ve been keeping that quiet.” Mike probed a little.

“You’d better hope she’s got more of Elizabeth’s genes than yours, otherwise no amount of money...” a loud crack from the BBQ spatula in Ernie’s hand hitting Big Hoss on the ass stopped him mid-sentence.

“Cheeky git.” Ernie laughed.

And the rest of the group joined him. “‘I’ll have you know I was quite a looker back in my day.” Ernie said proudly.

“What day was that? Remembrance day?” Mike Joked.

“More like non-remembrance day,” Big Hoss said, after which he promptly received another clout to his ass.

Chapter 7 Rain poured down and traffic on the southern motorway was ridiculously bad today. Mike was getting nowhere fast he was convinced that no one in Auckland knew how to drive in the wet. He was seriously considering just pulling off at Greenlane and grabbing a burger – but for two reasons: delivery times for one, and lack of finances for the other. Instead he turned up the tunes and let his mind wander.

On rainy days like today he thought about his mother’s funeral. She had died of breast cancer when Mike was in his mid-teens. It was a huge shock of course and thankfully she didn’t suffer a long drawn out illness like some of the less fortunate women with the same disease, although her quick diagnosis to death wasn’t something he was thankful for back then.

With his father bailing out of the picture when he was a toddler and his mother never getting a true significant other to replace him, no siblings and no real extended family meant Mike had to handle the funeral and grieving period virtually alone.

Auckland weather had really put on a show the day of the funeral. The heavens bucketed down and the wind blew at a gale force level. Mike shivered and cried throughout the entire service and if it wasn’t for their neighbours and family friends offering their limited support, Mike would have jumped in the grave with the coffin, pulled the sodden dirt on top of them and never come out.

Things got a little bit crazy for a while after that. He quit school and ran with a few less-than-perfect role model friends. A variety of drugs were dabbled with; a little bit of petty theft and a few fights later it all added up to a general lack of self-preservation and a self-destructive behaviour. Luckily, the moral compass his mother instilled in him kicked in before things got too out of hand and Mike corrected his ways. After that, he took a bit of time out to find himself by travelling around New Zealand working odd jobs on farms, orchards, building sites and even a fast food joint before returning to Auckland.

By chance he got stumbled into the job as a courier at Leggits and the rest as they say, is history.

The traffic started to flow a little faster breaking Mike out of his melancholy mood.

“Asshole!” he yelled and leaned on the horn at the driver in the dark blue BMW that cut in front of his van and followed it with a middle finger salute before becoming marginally embarrassed at his road rage episode.

Maybe I will take a break he thought and pulled off at Ellerslie.

Chapter 8 Friday night and the flatmates were out on the town, Mike’s phone buzzed and he checked the number – Cindy. He immediately terminated the call.

“Who’s that?” Barry asked.

“Cindy, I’ve been avoiding her calls for over a week now, I’d have thought she’d get the message but it seems not.”

Mike wasn’t the best at ending relationships even if they were only one night stands.

“You could tell her it’s over.” Barry suggested.

“Nah, she’ll give up eventually. Anyway where’s Steve?”

“He’s off his face drunk. I last saw him staggering towards the toilet.”

With that a more sober looking Steve appeared out of the crowd.

“Come on, we’ve got to go.” Steve’s tone was urgent but had a hint of humour.

“Why? It’s good here.” Barry replied.

Soon the reason to leave appeared – with resounding groans of disgust, the crowd split apart and a pretty big guy with two bigger friends moved towards them. The comments from the crowd were to do with the trio leader’s bloody nose and vomit ridden shirt.

The trio’s focus was initially with Steve but when they saw he had friends, they too became part of the fray. There was a small amount of yelling before the leader threw a punch at Steve. It connected but caused very little damage.

Within seconds a full on fight broke out. Mike hated fighting but it was something he was quite good at. The biggest of the three guys seemed to single Mike out but he saw the punch coming from around a mile out, easily ducking out the way. Mike made sure there wasn’t another one on its way by means of a swift uppercut to the big guy’s balls followed by an upwards motion of the top his head hitting the downward motion of the big guys chin, he dropped like a sack of potatoes. The club’s bouncers were in there quickly to break it up and Mike and his two flatmates were turfed outside.

It wasn’t long before they were safely inside another bar. Mike and Barry both wanted an explanation.

“I had to go throw up so I went off to the toilets. I couldn’t very well throw up in the sink so I went for one of the cubicles. I shoved open the door and there was that guy sitting there, must have been having a crap. Anyway, I was way past the point of no return so I offloaded on him, poor bastard.”

“That explains the sick down his shirt, but what about the bloody nose?”

Steve laughed a little “I guess I don’t really have much of an excuse for that. I felt a bit bad about throwing up on the guy and I was trying to apologise, offered to buy him a drink and all that but he wasn’t having a bar of it. He started swearing and coming at me, so I hit him square on the nose, he fell back into the cubicle and I bolted out of the toilets.”

The three of them fell silent for a split second as they imagined the scene - the poor guy was just having a crap in a club toilet, gets thrown up on and punched in the face.

“No wonder he was angry, I’m sure he was having a good time till he met you. His night is over, there’s no way he’s gonna be able to get into anywhere else tonight. Try explaining a bloody nose and sick covered shirt to the next club bouncer.” Barry smiled and took a swig of beer.

Then they all burst out laughing.

Chapter 9 The next week flew past and Friday rolled around again and again the plan was to hit the downtown nightlife. The boys went through their usual routine, but for some reason Mike had a great vibe about the night ahead. As he looked in the mirror he just felt buzzed. It could have been that his new sports supplement brand Sci-MX he was using had given him significant gains in the gym the past week. It could have been the new clothes he was wearing, prompted by the article he read in M2, or maybe it was the great shave he just had with his King of Shaves gel.

Whatever the reason, tonight he was on fire.

They hit the bars around Ponsonby and the vibes were good. It seemed like everyone was just a little more upbeat tonight.

The three flatmates decided to change venues and check out the clubs in the heart of the city. After a brief spell of standing in line outside one of the more popular ones – something that Mike hated to do with a passion – the three of them entered the dimly lit but incredibly busy club. They headed straight for the bar and ordered some very overpriced beers, then moved to an observation point to the side of the room.

Mike was definitely not someone to believe in love at first sight but lust… lust was another thing altogether. As he bobbed his head to the DJ’s beats and took another drink from his Peroni bottle an image of beauty stopped him midflight. It was like someone switched on a spotlight and picked out this girl as their star performer, everyone else in the room faded into insignificance. Barry and Steve were equally spellbound but Mike immediately made a beeline for her.

“Hi.” He said as he met her halfway across the dance floor. Unoriginal opening line but he couldn’t think of anything better.

The goddess virtually ignored him but Mike pressed on.

“My name’s Mike, can I get you a drink?” Again, unoriginal and Mike was internally kicking himself for such a lame start.

“Sure, bubbles.” came the reply.

Bubbles Mike thought, normally this choice of beverage would make him run a mile, but not tonight and not with this girl.

They both moved towards the bar and Mike looked back at his flatmates who both saluted him with their beers.

“Glass of bubbles.” Mike shouted over the noise of the tunes to the barman.

“You not joining me?” the goddess asked with a confused look.

“Oh yeah, um sure. Make that two glasses.” Mike shouted to barman.

Again a quizzical look from the beauty.

“Maybe you should get a bottle and we can go sit over there.” She suggested.

Mike quickly agreed.

“Make that a bottle with two glasses.” He shouted to the barman who was rapidly losing his patience and stood there waiting for another change of mind.

“Sorry mate, a bottle of bubbles and two glasses please, can you put the bottle on ice too please.”

The goddess nodded her appreciation.

After a brief moment the barman returned with the order and mouthed the price to Mike. Not hearing what the cost was exactly, Mike just handed over his credit card and gulped when he saw the figure displayed on the EFTPOS terminal that was presented to him. He took a moment then typed his four digit code into the machine, then hoped that there was sufficient credit to not decline the transaction – that would look bad – very bad.

Approved.

They both moved upstairs to a table overlooking the room and Mike poured the drinks.

“Happy Friday!” He said and toasted the beauty.

“Cheers Mike.” She replied with a smile that warmed Mike’s heart.

“So what’s your name?” Mike asked after taking a sip of his champagne.

“Jenny,” she replied. “What do you do Mike?”

“Um, I’m in transport management.” He replied a little sheepishly.

“A transport manager.” She repeated and Mike chose not to correct her.

“How about you?” Mike asked.

“I’m in fashion.”

“You look like you’re a model.” Mike added and blushed at the incredible lameness of his statement. Thankfully the room was dark.

“Thanks.” was all Jenny said. After a pause she said. “Wait here, I need to go and tell my friend something.” and she stood up to leave, Mike was deflated.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be back in a minute.” she said and disappeared.

One minute turned in to two, then five then ten. At the fifteen-minute mark Mike was about to get up and go find his flatmates when Jenny reappeared.

“Did you miss me?” She said with a smile.

“Nah, been busy with people asking me if I was an actor on Shortland Street.” Mike joked.

“Must be because the room is dark.” Jenny laughed.

With the ice broken and the bubbles flowing, the conversation got easier and they actually started to get on well.

They chatted and laughed together and seldom took their eyes off each other. Mike did look around the room a few times to see if he could spot his flatmates, he was keen to introduce Jenny to them but they were nowhere to be seen.

The night rolled on and Mike ordered another bottle of extremely overpriced bubbles, again mentally crossing his fingers that the transaction would be approved.

The two of them became more and more cosy with each sip and each laugh. Finally, they touched and they kissed.

The kiss was amazing, instant connection, immediate adoration – Mike was hooked. They broke apart for a moment, slightly speechless and both reached for their drinks as they internalised their thoughts. Then almost in unison they put down their drinks and moved in for a second kiss.

As their lips met Mike was sure that the second kiss was even better than the first. Fireworks went off in his head and bells rang in his ears. It took a moment to realise that the bells ringing in his ears were in fact bells ringing in his ears – the club’s fire alarm had been sounded and the house lights immediately thrust the room into seemingly blinding daylight.

Mike quickly grabbed Jenny’s hand and made for the exit. Surprisingly the crowd moved to the door in a subdued orderly fashion and within minutes Mike and Jenny were back in the dark in the street outside the club.

They stood around the building and watched as firemen from the Auckland fire service trundled inside the club and lost more and more interest in the view as they realised that it was a false alarm. No burning flames, no cries of help, no heroic rescues.

“Do you want to take me back to your place?” Jenny asked. Next minute they were both in the back of a cab headed for Grey Lynn.

Chapter 10

The morning after was never usually a thing that Mike looked forward to but as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes and he looked at the image of beauty that lay beside him he was spellbound.

The sun came through his blinds and he couldn’t believe what he was looking at, how could she possibly be better looking in the morning than she was last night. She was by far the sexiest girl he’d ever been with and as if to confirm his thoughts a stirring started under the sheets and he stood to morning glory attention. Thoughts of a rerun of the night before sprung to mind but a full bladder tried to weaken his interest. Reluctant to miss out on an opportunity Mike lifted the sheet to grab a sneak peak of her outstanding breasts. Maybe the piss could wait he thought Before he made his move towards another romantic encounter another passion killer thought crossed his mind, a quick lick of the back of his hand and then a sniff confirmed his fear, Shit, morning breath he thought and the recurring throb from his bladder sealed the deal, he would have to get up.

Slowly he inched out of the bed as he tried not to wake her up, planning the rest of the morning in his mind as he moved. A quick piss and a brush of his teeth, then it would be back into bed for a morning quickie. Then coffee with her in the kitchen making enough noise for the other guys to come out and see what she was like in the daylight – the bragging rights on this beauty would make him king of the house for weeks.

‘Be a honey and get me a coffee would you’ she said as she turned to face him, startling him out of his plan.

‘Good morning’ he said and leaned over to kiss her.

She winced back and waved a hand in front of her face ‘I’m not big on the whole morning thing’ she said and an embarrassed Mike just nodded.

‘Did you sleep well?’ He asked ‘Feathers’ she replied.

Mike was confused.

‘I’m spitting feathers – could you get me that coffee oh and do you have any juice?’ Mike was going to say something crude about juice then thought better of it.

‘I’ll get right on it M ’Lady’ he said in his best Butler accent, she feigned a smile at him and rolled back over in bed.

Getting the message loud and clear, he threw on some track pants and went out to the kitchen to stick the jug on.

While it boiled he went to the bathroom to empty his nagging bladder and brush his teeth.

‘Two cups of instant’ he announced as he walked back into his bedroom. Jenny was already out of bed and slipping last night’s clothes back on.

‘So much for bringing you breakfast in bed.’ Mike joked, although he was a little stunned and upset to see her getting dressed.

‘Can you make eggs Benedict then?’ She replied taking one of the coffees from him and then peering inside the mug.

‘Instant. Guess the cafe’s not open yet then.’ She said as she took a sip.

Mike ignored the comment about the coffee. He was desperately thinking about how to talk her back in to bed and of course keeping her there long enough to parade her in front of Steve and Barry – House rules.

‘I thought maybe we’d get to know each other a little better and then go out for breakfast.’ He said motioning towards the bed. It was the best he could come up with.

‘I think we got to know each other quite well last night.’ She said and smiled impishly.

He smiled back proudly. ‘We sure did. But you know what I mean. Where do you live? What do you do?’

‘I already know about me – fill me in on what you do. You said something about being a transport manager.’ Jenny asked as she took another sip of her coffee, winced and looked around the room.

‘Yeah, I um, I’m in the freight industry. Sort of a big fish in a small company. I um...’ He trailed off as he spotted her looking at his wardrobe and his company blue and yellow uniform.

‘You work for Leggit Couriers?’ her mouth had dropped open.

‘Oh that old thing, don’t worry about the courier uniform. I’m part of the company’s management training scheme and we all have to do a little bit of front line service, sorta get to know the customers, understand the business from the ground up – that sort of thing. It’s short term...’ He was stammering a little.

‘You’re a courier driver for Leggit couriers.’ Jenny interrupted his babble and put her coffee down on the bedside table.

‘Well yes but like I said...’

‘It’s ok, you don’t have to tell me again, I get it – don’t worry, we all need couriers. And it’s great that you’re on the management program.’ She interrupted again. She pulled out her mobile and dialled as she carried on talking.

‘Listen, I’ve got quite a lot on today so breakfast will have to be another day.... yes can I order a cab for.’ She held her hand over the mouthpiece ‘what’s the address here?’

‘You don’t have to order a cab. I’ll run you home.’

‘That’s ok sweetie, just tell me the address.’

Mike told her and she in turn told the cab company, finishing the booking with ‘Yes I’m ready now,’ Once she hung up the atmosphere turned visibly uncomfortable. Jenny moved to the window and peered out several times, and strained small talk prevailed while she waited for the cab to arrive.

‘You really didn’t have to call the cab, I would have been happy to have taken you home.’ Mike repeated almost sullenly.

‘I’m sure you’ve got better things to do than run me all over town on a sunny day like today.’

Mike was going to say that he didn’t but then thought better of it.

They both fell silent.

When the car horn came from the road outside Jenny moved swiftly towards the bedroom door to leave.

‘Can I grab your number?’ Mike asked sheepishly.

‘Why don’t you give me yours?’ Jenny replied Mike quickly wrote down his number and handed it over to her.

‘Thanks sweetie.’ She said and they both walked to the front door.

She kissed him lightly on the cheek and said ‘I’ll call you in a couple of days for that breakfast.’

Then disappeared out the door and off in the cab.

Chapter 11

‘So where did you get to last night?’ Steve asked. ‘Thought you said you were out for a big one.’

A big smile had formed on Mike face.

‘What?’ Steve was intrigued ‘Did you see the girl in the white skin tight dress?’

‘The one with the awesome rack?’ Barry chimed in.

Mike nodded ‘Well let’s just say Bishop takes Queen.’ He gloated.

‘Bollocks’. ‘You’re dreaming’. Were the replies from his housemates.

‘It’s true’ Mike protested.

‘So where is she now? You know the house rules.’

‘She had to leave early’ Mike stammered.

‘So the cow you REALLY brought home needed to get back to farmer for milking more like’ Steve joked.

‘There’s no way you’d let her escape with without us all getting a look.’ Barry added ‘Seriously, I came home with Jenny, the girl in the white dress. The fire alarm went off in the club and she asked to come home with me.’ Mike insisted.

‘She asked to come home with you? Bollocks. What fire alarm? What time was this? All we know is, you went off to talk with the girl with the great rack, and then you went off to the bar with her.’ Steve said.

‘For which we saluted you.’ Barry interrupted.

‘Yep, great work on taking her to the bar but I bet she wanted something expensive though. Then we lost you, figured you’d be putting the moves on her but we saw her talking to another guy not too long after that. We couldn’t see you anywhere, guessed you’d be pissed off at losing her so we moved on to Showgirls.’ Steve concluded.

‘Which was awesome’ Barry added.

Mike had no idea what Steve was on about. ‘I don’t know what the time was when we left. Jenny and I got on like a house on fire, then the fire engines literally turned up and we came home here. She’s had to rush off to something or other this morning but she’s gonna call me to go out soon.’ Mike insisted, he was a little put out that his pals didn’t believe him.

‘Alright, don’t be so touchy about it.’ Steve said. Holding up his arms in defeat, ‘whatever you say mate.’

Mike immediately calmed down.

‘Sorry guys, but I’m just a bit confused. No idea who you saw talking to a guy, but she was with me. Anyway, we had a great night together got on really well, she’s a cool chick. But this morning when she found out I was a courier driver she sorta bolted.’

‘Auckland girl then.’ Barry said and Steve nodded.

‘Yeah but she didn’t come across like that, even had a bit of an Aussie accent.’

‘Sydney girl looking to marry a rich Kiwi. Sorry dude, you’ve got no chance.’ Steve laughed.

‘Yeah maybe.’ Mike sighed. But deep down he thought differently. He was sure they had made a true connection, he really liked this girl and he felt sure she’d call.

Chapter 12

That entire Saturday Mike kept his mobile close to his side, even taking it into the bathroom while he showered - No call came in.

Almost every fifteen to twenty minutes he’d check to make sure it was on and all the signal bars were lit and alive Still nothing.

Saturday turned into Sunday and the three flatties went out to watch motorsport in the local bar, in an attempt not to look stupid by looking at his phone all day, Mike kept it in his pocket but also kept his hand in there too in case it vibrated – Nothing.

On Monday morning, the usual jovial Mike headed off to work mildly glum. He was sure she was going to call, they made such a good connection, it couldn’t have all been in his head.

Mike’s phone rang often that week and every time it rang his heart skipped a beat and butterflies formed in his stomach until he read the caller ID screen, never an unknown number and therefore never Jenny – damn. ___________________ Friday rolled round again and Mike staged the night to mimic the week previous. Same clothing, same bars, same timing all leading up to hitting the same club at the same time, the only thing that differed was the lack of Jenny being at the club. The flatmates had a sort of good night regardless and Steve dragged them to Showgirls at the end for some viewing pleasure, but honestly, Mike’s heart wasn’t in it and he left them there after one beer. _____________________ Time ticked on and it had been a couple of weeks since his memorable night with Jenny and she still hadn’t called.

Unfortunately Mike was starting to realise that he was going to have to chalk her up as a one night stand – but what a night.

The way she looked, the way she moved, the way they talked, the way they laughed – all these images burned indelibly in to Mike’s memory banks.

‘What the hell is wrong with you Bishop?’

Ernie brought Mike’s mind back to the company BBQ, he had been flipping the steaks on the grill but was now had turned and faced him.

‘Nothing Ern, Just thinking about someone and something.’

‘That’s a nice and vague answer. You’ve been a bit out of sorts recently son, what’s going on?’

Mike thought for a moment about whether or not to spill the beans, and then figured it couldn’t hurt.

‘I met this amazing girl the other week and we had a great time and um, well, she hasn’t called.’

Ernie almost spat his beer out.

‘The great – never gonna get tied down - Mike Bishop has fallen in love with someone and she doesn’t want to know. Well isn’t that a turn up for the books.’

Mike went a lighter shade of pink as Ernie’s voice went up a few decibels.

‘What happened to your wherever I lay my hat, love ‘em and leave ‘em mantra?’ he continued.

‘I knew you’d get caught at some point.’

‘Alright, alright keep your voice down.’ Mike turned his back to the rest of the BBQ. ‘Oh sorry son. But you have to see the irony. With all the girls and all the fun you’ve been having, you were bound to find someone to fall for, it’s just hysterical that you fell for someone exactly like you. Now get over it and stop acting like a girl!’

Mike thought about Ernie’s comment for a moment, had he really met himself that night? Jenny was fun, easy to get on with, great to talk to, dressed well, smelt great, went to bed on the first date and didn’t call again.

In some respects it was a rude awakening, especially the not calling part, the way it had made him feel, the not knowing, the thought that they had made a true connection only to find out that it was obviously one sided.

Mike sighed internally.

‘Ernie, I think you may have hit the nail on the head.’

And he took a swig of beer. Then a smile crept across Mike’s face.

‘You’re quite an insightful old guy aren’t you? All things being equal I think you’re right, I think I have just met and fallen in love with myself!’

Ernie smiled sagely ‘I’ve been around the block a few times son.’

‘But I do have to say one thing.’ Mike added ‘What’s that?’

‘I have an amazing rack.’

They both fell about laughing.

Chapter 13

The following week, Mike was more or less back to his normal self. Ernie had helped put it all back into perspective and he actually felt good about it. Sure she hadn’t called but for whatever the reason, it was her loss.

Again, work became fun and he was actually looking forward to a pressure free Friday with the boys – no more searching for Jenny. If he stumbled upon her then all good, if not, then all good too. She’s probably back in Aus now anyway he thought.

Mike was in the office collecting some paperwork, grabbing a coffee and taking a breather before his next run.

When Jill came over and interrupted him. Jill wasn’t the best looking girl he’d ever seen but she certainly was one of the keenest. Every time Mike went into the office Jill’s eyes would light up and she’d make an excuse to come over and talk to him. It was somewhere between sad and flattering.

‘See the game over the weekend Mike’ ‘Which one?’

‘Um you know the one in Auckland, the league. Didn’t the Chiefs win?’ Mike didn’t know where to begin to correct her so he just smiled.

‘I wanted to ask you something’ she said coyly. ‘Would you like to go out for a drink sometime?’

Mike looked at Jill and then happened to glance over her shoulder at Wendy who was looking daggers at him.

‘I, uh don’t know as that’s a good idea, intercompany relationships and all that,’ Mike replied.

Jill followed Mike’s gaze.

‘Oh, Wendy’s looking.’ She said ‘How about I give you a call after work and we can talk about it then.’ Again Mike just smiled.

‘Best I get back to work, but please call me later.’ She said and went back to her cubicle.

Mike finished his coffee and went over to talk with Wendy.

‘Have you done something different to your hair?’ He started.

‘I know what you’re up to Mr Bishop and all I’ll say to you right now is don’t.’ Wendy tone was sour.

‘Come on Wend, don’t be like that, you know I only have eyes for you.’

‘Mr Bishop, if you have nothing to do, don’t do it here.’

Wendy was no fun today – Mike got the message and left the office.

_________________________ ‘Dude, you’ve got to come and see this.’ Big Hoss was beaming.

Mike turned his back on the boxes and satchels he was going to load in his van and went over to see what the warehouseman had in his hand.

‘It’s a package that needs to go to Ernie’s wife Elizabeth.’ He said and threw the box to Mike.

He caught it with both hands and turned the box over to see the back. The tell tale medical logo from the company that supplied the ‘lip plumper’ home kit.

‘Looks like Ernie’s getting a pet goldfish.’ Mike joked.

‘That’ll give her something to really pout about.’ Big Hoss laughed out loud.

‘Yeah, can’t wait to see how it turns out, hope she really messes it up. Maybe she won’t leave the house for a while and give us some peace.’

‘We can but only hope brother.’ Mike said and went back to loading his van.

Chapter 14

The company BBQ was a little uncomfortable for Mike this month. Jill had turned out to be a bit of a bunny boiler.

Since their date she called had texted him around twenty times a day with messages of how great a time she had had that night and how good he was in the sack. No-one had ever made her feel that way, he was truly her soul mate, the list went on and on. She had called him before, during and after work and there were a couple of missed calls in the dead of night too – thank god for caller ID. He was sure he’d seen her car parked in his street a few nights later too.

Initially he was going to continue to avoid her in the hope that she would just give up. But after remembering how he had felt when Jenny hadn’t called him he decided that he should end this properly.

So finally he had arranged to meet her for a coffee, where he not so gently told her it was over. He told her it wasn’t her it was him, he wasn’t ready for a relationship, she could do so much better than him and any other clichéd line he could think of. She quit work the very next day.

‘So Mr Bishop, do you have anything you want to tell me about Jill’s resignation?’ Wendy asked, having cornered him at the BBQ. ‘What can I say? I was shocked to hear. Did she tell you why she left?’ Mike asked uneasily.

‘No she didn’t but I can hazard a guess. Do you want me to tell you what I think happened?’

‘Uhh’ Not really he thought but he knew Wendy wasn’t the type of person to let him off the hook.

Wendy let the question hang for a while.

‘What did I say to you when you were talking to her in the office?’

‘It wasn’t my fault Wend, she was coming after me. I’m an innocent victim here.’ Mike was trying his best to squirm out of the situation.

‘You’re far from innocent Mr Bishop.’

Mike knew she was right, it took two to tango he thought.

‘Yeah I know, but in my defence she really did come on to me, and I did try and say no as best I could.’ He sounded deflated.

‘You should have tried harder.’

Mike nodded. ‘I had no idea she’d quit her job though.’

‘That’s what happens when intercompany relationships go wrong Mr Bishop, there are always consequences.’

Again Mike nodded and again Wendy let her statement hang in the air.

‘She wasn’t that good at her job, in fact she was terrible so you did the company a favour BUT l don’t want this to happen again. Are we clear Mr Bishop?’

Mike blushed, nodded and looked to his feet.

‘I certainly don’t want to lose Edna on account of you.’ She added.

Shocked, Mike looked up at the smiling face of Wendy and then over to the aged and obese figure of Edna and let out a sigh of relief.

‘So we’re good then Wend?’

‘We’re good Mr Bishop”.

Chapter 15

Several days later, Mike was in the office with Wendy doing some paper work when all hell broke loose in Ernie’s office. Yelling, screaming and a stream of profanities were being hurled at one of drivers cowering behind the closed door.

Best Mike could make out was that the driver was not delivering or rather stealing packages from customers.

‘Do you have any idea what this could do to my company’s reputation? #$*$! Having a thieving wanker like you on the team will set us back years! You $$%%$&*%! Trust is the number one thing in this industry, trust to get the package there on time, trust to get the package there safe and more importantly, TRUST TO GET THE PACKAGE NOT STOLEN!’ Ernie was over his desk and was within an inch of the drivers face, Mike watched ready to jump in to help Ernie if he needed him but it looked like he had the matter comfortably in hand. The driver was visibly shaking with fear.

In one fluid movement and without moving from the face of the driver, Ernie had his office phone in his hand and was on to the cops. He calmly explained the situation and told them he would keep the driver there until they arrived. It was an impressive display of switching between wild fury, to composed diction and then on to blatant intimidation once he had hung up the phone.

To Mike, the fact that the driver was stealing packages explained everything. Chat amongst the boys was around the thought that the driver was a low level drug dealer, he always seemed to have money, enough money to arouse suspicion but not enough money for them to be sure. He was a bit of a black sheep of the company family, turned up to all events and BBQ’s but Mike always had a sense that something wasn’t quite right.

‘How did Ernie find out?’ Mike quietly asked Wendy.

‘I guess we all knew something was going on so Ernie hired someone to follow him.’

‘Wow, good work Ernie.’

‘Yep, turns out he got his mate to follow him around on his route. When delivery instructions were leave at the back door or on the porch he’d make sure that the house was empty and give his buddy the nod to go in and steal the packages he knew were valuable. Sometimes they would even rob the house if he could see easy money.’

‘What a wanker.’

‘Very well put Mr Bishop.’

Mike stuck around to watch the driver be hauled out by the cops, he was going to go and offer some kind of reassurance to Ernie along the lines that ‘not all the drivers are like that’ or ‘he never liked that driver anyway’ but

the closed office door and face in his hands view of Ernie meant that Mike thought better of it. Probably best to let it all blow over and just do my job he thought and headed out to the warehouse.

After a brief chat with Big Hoss, they decided on a different course of action. Armed with a few supplies, the two of them made their way round the back of the yard to where the arrested driver’s van was parked. Tyres were then duly slashed, thick wads of Vaseline was spread over the entire windscreen, corrosive paint stripping brake fluid was doused on every van panel and ‘Thieving Cock’ was scratched in big letters down one side.

‘That’ll teach the wanker.’ Mike said.

Being self employed, all repairs would have to come out of the drivers own wallet, not that he’d have a job with Leggits – or any other courier company again.

Mike and Big Hoss stood back and admired their handy work before heading off to lunch.

Chapter 16

It had been another successful night on the town and Mike had been on his game. The beer had been flowing and the pubs and clubs were all busy but it had been a bonus night, the three of them had hooked up with a large hen’s party.

Hens parties were always a ton of fun, the girls were generally out for a good time and if they took a shine to your group you were going to get taken along on a night of dares and stupidity – and this group really took a shine to Mike and his boys.

There were underwear shares, snogging dares, drinking from navels and dancing on tables. Each of the hens trying to outdo the other one and the bride to be wasn’t going to be left out in the cold either. Mike raised an eyebrow or two at what the betrothed was getting up to and felt sure that her fiancé – whoever he was – would have seriously considered calling the wedding off if he’d been a fly on the wall. But she wasn’t Mikes’ wife to be so he was happy to entertain.

One of the bridesmaids, a cute blonde called Michelle took a special interest in Mike and Mike took a special interest in her cleavage. Most of the latter part of the night was made up of her tongue being pushed into his mouth and his hands going where they really shouldn’t – well not in public anyway.

The end of the night saw all three of the housemates scoring with one each of the Hen’s party. So it was off to the white lady for a fatburger before a shared cab home – result, Mike loved his life. _________________________ The knock at the door was deafening and jolted Mike out of a deep hangover sleep. He lay in silence for a moment in bed thinking that maybe the pounding was all in his head. He looked over at the blonde named Michelle lying beside him; she hadn’t stirred so maybe he had imagined it. He shrugged his shoulders a little and was about to snuggle back to sleep when the pounding at his window started again.

The ferocity of the noise sprung him to attention, thoughts racing through his head, first of which was that the blonde’s boyfriend was at the window – he didn’t know if she had a boyfriend or not – he hadn’t asked her, but who the hell else would be rapping on his window? Oh shit, maybe the bride to be’s fiancé? He thought.

Mike jumped out of bed and pulled the curtains aside, what he saw was far worse than an angry boyfriend or fiancé.

Chapter 17

Jenny’s beautiful face filled his view through the glass – she pointed towards the front door and a raft of emotions and thoughts ran through Mike’s head.

What was she doing here? Why on a Saturday morning when he was hung over and looked like shit? And worse still - Why now, when he had company? As if on cue, Michelle the blonde woke up.

‘What’s going on? What are you doing at the window?’ She asked in a croaky voice.

‘Nothing, um just checking the weather.’ He replied lamely as he pulled the curtains closed.

‘Come back to bed.’ She smiled and pulled the bed covers back.

‘I, uh, I’m just going to brush my teeth and I’ll be right back... Morning breath and all that’ he said as he pulled on some track pants and moved towards the bedroom door.

‘Well hurry back, I’m up for some morning loving.’

Mike just smiled and bolted out the door.

‘What took you so long?’ Jenny said as he opened the door.

‘I was out with the guys last night, few beers and all that.’ Mike was confused but was trying to compose himself.

‘That explains the hair’ she said pointing at Mike’s crazy mess on his head.

‘I, uh, what are you doing here?’ He asked, self consciously running his hands through his hair.

‘Can I come in, we need to talk?’

‘I uh, the guys are asleep, why don’t I grab some clothes and we can go get that breakfast.’ Mike stammered.

‘What are you doing Mike?’ Michedf

lle’s shouted out from Mike’s room.

Mike’s face went pale.

‘You’ve got someone in there?’ Jenny snarled.

‘I can explain.’

‘Don’t bother, it actually makes things easier. Remember our night together ten months ago? ‘ ‘Of course I do...’

‘It doesn’t matter if you do or not.’ She interrupted. ‘Well remember the condom split? Well allow me to introduce you to your son Charles!’ She sneered and pointed to the baby car seat on the ground beside the door.

‘What the....’ Mike felt dizzy and bile rose in his throat.

‘Yes Mike, congratulations you’re a Dad.’ ‘What’s going on?’ Michelle called out from Mike’s room.

Mike was too speechless to respond so Jenny replied for him. ‘Your boyfriend is a single parent Dad!’ The implications of Jenny’s comment didn’t sink in, Mike was too shocked.

‘How..’

‘Do I have to give you a biology lesson? We had sex, condom broke, I got pregnant and now you are a father.’

Jenny bent down, picked Charles out of the baby seat and handed him over to Mike. ‘I’ve left a couple of nappies and some formula in the bag there’ Mike clumsily held the baby in his arms.

‘So good bye and good luck.’ Jenny said matter of factly and turned and walked down off the porch, at the same time Michelle came out of Mike’s room.

‘What the hell is going on?’ Michelle asked stroppily ‘I, uh, where are you going?’ Mike called out to Jenny who was almost at the gate.

‘Jenny!’ Mike yelled.

The yelling caused the baby to start crying.

‘Answer me dammit Mike, who is she? And who is that?’ Michelle was getting louder and louder, her voice was making the baby’s cry turn into a bawl.

‘Can you just hold on to the baby for a minute?’ Mike pleaded with Michelle.

‘No way – if you think I’m getting involved in your domestic bullshit, you’ve got another thing coming...’ Michelle was starting to rant.

‘Jenny stop!’ He pleaded.

Mike’s head was spinning, with the information bomb Jenny had dropped on him, a hangover, a bawling baby and a pissed off, yelling blonde one nighter.

Mike was powerless to stop Jenny from leaving.

He just stood there open mouthed with his head pounding.

Chapter 18

‘What the hell is all that noise? Dude, have you got a baby in there?’ Steve was outside Mike’s bedroom door.

Michelle had bailed, the baby was screaming and Mike had no idea what to do.

‘Of course I’ve got a baby in here, do you think it’s me crying in here?’ Mike yelled back through the door.

‘Why the hell have you got a baby?’

‘Stop shouting through the door and come in.’ Mike interrupted.

Steve came in to see Mike holding the baby and bounce walking around the room.

‘What’s going on?’

‘What does it look like? Apparently I’m a father!’

‘You’re a what now?’ Steve’s jaw dropped open.

‘A father. The girl you say never existed, or at least the girl Jenny in the white dress you think I never got home here, has just been round and dumped the result of the night here.’

‘What’s going on?’ Barry had entered the room.

‘Mike’s a Dad.’ Steve replied.

‘Shit.’ Barry said.

‘What’s going on? Where’s Michelle?’ The other two girls from the Hen’s party appeared at Mike’s door.

‘Michelle’s gone and Mike’s just found out he’s a dad.’ Barry answered.

‘Shit’ they both replied.

‘Okay, so everyone knows what the noise is. Can you all piss off so I can think about what to do.’ Mike was tired and way out of his depth.

Obediently, they all shuffled out of the room leaving Mike alone with the baby who had finally stopped crying.

He sank down on his bed and rubbed his eyes before looking down at the boy. Charles’s blue eyes peered back up at him and a small smile came across the baby’s face followed by a grimace. Mike leant in to get a closer look and Charles projectile vomited in his face.

‘That’s just perfect.’ Mike said.

Chapter 19

After Mike gave the baby a quick clean up, he carefully placed it back in the baby seat and it fell asleep. Mike let out a sigh of relief. He still had no idea what to do but with the baby not crying or vomiting his mind could at least focus a little better. Firstly he checked the bag that Jenny had left, he wasn’t looking for anything in particular but hoped there would be some form of identification, Jenny’s name, address, something, anything – getting hold of her and giving the baby back was the only thing he could think of. The outside was plain, no initials or tags – just a plain pink holdall. He unzipped and peered inside, feeling a little uncomfortable and intrusive, like rummaging through a girls handbag.

He emptied out the items from the bag and lay them on his bed, a handful of Nappies, wipes, tin of formula, bottle, couple of changes of baby clothes plus a few other odds and ends that Mike had no idea what they were or what you’d use them for. Once finished he ran his hand around the inside of the bag and checked to see if there were any secret compartments – nothing.

He looked at the sparse pile of goods. ‘Thanks for the huge amount of gear Jenny.’ Mike sighed.

With no trace of Jenny Mike had to decide what to do next. His initial thought was to call the police good a place as any to start. Then he thought about what he would say. Hi Mike Bishop here, had a girl dump a baby on me and tell me it’s mine – what should I do? Sorry sir, we’re a little busy solving real crimes here. Why don’t you call the mother back and tell her you’re sorry.’

The mother, would the cops help him find Jenny? Hmmm he thought maybe. But where would he start. Hi I need to report a missing person – certainly sir what’s the name? Jenny ummmm. Then he thought about dropping the kid off at the hospital, surely they would handle that sort of thing. That just opened a huge can of problems for him Hi my name is Mike Bishop, I’d like to drop off this baby. Certainly sir, just leave it with the others in the pile over there.

Maybe he could just dump him there without talking to them. His inner voice cut in You’ve dropped off and picked up there before idiot, They’ve got CCTV camera’s all over the place and you’ve got a Sign written van – Hello Ernie, this is the hospital calling, did one of your drivers drop off a baby at the weekend? Unfortunately no-one signed for it so we need to return it.

Ok, how about give the baby up for adoption? He thought. He quickly jumped on his computer.

‘Adoption’ came with a number of results; Mike clicked on the first one and up popped the home page of an adoption site. Two main categories were available - Wanting to adopt and Adoption for your child. Mike clicked on the latter. After a quick read it was immediately obvious that the information was based around the birth mother and not the father – this was going to be far more complicated than he first thought – not that he had done much thinking!

One major question bashed around his head – Was Charles his?

He thought back to that amazing night. They were drunk but Mike was high on infatuation. Jenny was drop dead gorgeous and they had clicked both in and out of bed. They had made out a couple of times that night both soft and loving and then a little more adventurous. The condom broke on the second outing so surely he was empty?

‘He’s not mine. He can’t be mine!’ he announced to the room.

The words lacked conviction and as if to confirm this he started to look at the baby’s face for any signs of resemblance. All he saw was a baby. ‘They all look the bloody same.’ he mumbled Could he really be mine? He thought again Then he suddenly realised that the answer to this question would obviously play a major part in what he could and couldn’t do with the baby. Then another frightening thought crossed his mind – Abduction.

Jenny could be some kind of mental case and stolen a baby then dumped it on him. She could be in with the cops now, he could be an accomplice. He shook his head – surely he was just driving himself crazy. Still, turning up at any of the places he first thought of would set alarm bells ringing.

Think, think- what do I do? First things first, I have to find out if Charles is mine.

Mike sat back down in front of his computer and typed ‘DNA testing NZ’ into the search engine.

Again clicking the first site on the list – after the ads – he landed on the homepage of a Lab test company specialising in court approved paternity tests. There was no need to read the full introduction about DNA, Mike had seen enough CSI to know enough about the science involved and its probability percentage if found positive – right now a simple 75% would be enough. He hit the ‘What to expect’ link and came through to the ‘Service and fees’ section.

Negative result – if excluded on two of the fifteen DNA regions tested then it’s a no in the fatherhood department – he thought.

‘Ok, so what do I do?’ He muttered as he scrolled down the page to a checklist.

Formal identification and sample (i.e. mouth swab). Phew he thought. He didn’t like the idea of taking a sample of the baby’s blood. Drop off samples at the collection points easy enough and pay $1,100.

‘Shit.’ He said ‘where the hell am I going to get $1,000 bucks?’

There was no way his bank was going to loan him the money, not with his current balance and he guessed that would mean any finance company would be off the menu too, and even if they weren’t, the thought of paying that much interested made him shudder.

‘What to do’ he thought as he paced around the room. Finally an idea popped into his head - There’s only one thing for it, I need to go and speak to Ernie, well in fact Wendy, she’d be an easier option.

All he needed to get through the weekend, how hard could that be?

Chapter 20

It was the weekend from HELL. Almost immediately after Mike had decided on a course of action the baby awoke and started to cry, well cry was a huge understatement – ear shattering bawl was more like it.

Mike picked him up in his arms and step/bounced around the room to comfort him.

‘What’s wrong little fella?’ He asked way too quietly for the baby to hear - Charles continued to bawl at off the chart decibels.

‘Hungry?’ he asked – ‘Bawl’ came the reply.

‘Let’s see how we make your yummy baby food formula.’ Mike said out loud as he picked up the tin and read the instructions.

Clumsily, he carried the screaming baby, the tin of formula and the bottle out to the kitchen.

‘Shit, what a noise.’ Steve said coming out of his room.

‘Dude’ Barry called out from the sofa ‘I’m watching the racing.’

‘Rather than complaining, why don’t you two bloody well help me?’ Mike pleaded.

‘What do we know about babies?’ Steve asked as Barry stood up beside him.

‘About as much as I do, I would guess, less than nothing! But I’m sure you can read and make up some formula while I try and calm this thing down can’t you?’

Barry took the can of formula and the bottle from Mike’s hand and started to read.

‘Put the jug on.’ He called over to Steve.

Within seconds the three of them were working as a team. Mike was pacifying the baby, Barry was washing and sanitising the bottle and Steve, well Steve was watching the jug boil.

Formula was added to the bottle and boiling hot water poured in – Charles continued to bawl.

‘Try it now.’ Steve said to Barry as he paced around the room with his hands on his ears.

‘I’m telling you, it’s too hot!’

‘What a stupid idea, add boiling hot water to the formula and wait for it to cool while the bloody baby is screaming its head off hungry. Who the hell came up with that idea? BLOW ON IT.’ Steve was getting crazy.

‘Just piss off into your room.’ Mike said ‘You’re not exactly helping.’

Steve folded his arms and stubbornly refused to leave.

‘I boiled the jug didn’t I?’ He said petulantly.

Charles bawled.

‘It’s ready!’ Barry exclaimed and handed the bottle to Mike who stuck the bottle’s teat into Charles’s mouth.

Instantly the room fell silent.

‘That’s miracle juice.’ Steve smiled.

‘He was just hungry.’ Mike smiled.

Baby Charles sucked down the formula.

‘So how do you know he’s yours?’ Barry asked.

‘Well I guess Jenny would know.’ Mike offered.

‘A chick has a one night stand with you then almost a year later dumps a baby on you, not exactly concrete proof is it?’ Steve added.

‘I agree, but why else would she do it? I mean if it was someone else’s, why would she dump him on me? I surely wouldn’t be the first choice in that department.’

‘Why would she dump him at all?’ Barry asked almost rhetorically.

No-one could answer that, so they fell silent for a moment.

‘In saying all that, I’ve been trying to work out my best course of action and all I could come up with is I need to get DNA tested to prove either way. Then I can figure out what to do with him.’ Mike explained ‘So you still don’t know who she is or how to get hold of her?’ Steve quizzed.

‘Nope, absolutely no idea. Jenny from the fashion industry and has a slight Aussie accent. That’s it.’

‘How about going to the Police?’ Barry suggested.

Mike explained his thoughts on the Police, adoption and dumping it at the Hospital, the three of them essentially agreed on his reasoning.

‘You’re basically screwed brother.’ Steve said.

‘That I am. That I am.’

With that, Charles finished his bottle and started to cry again.

‘What now?’ Steve sighed.

‘Burp him.’ Barry suggested.

‘What?’ Mike replied ‘Burp him.’ Barry repeated ‘Look, give him here.’

Barry took the baby and put him over his shoulder, gently rubbing and tapping Charles’s back. After about thirty seconds a surprisingly big belch came from his mouth and the baby went quiet again.

‘How did you know about that?’ Mike asked.

‘Haven’t you seen the movie Three Men and a Baby?’

‘Uh, No.’ ‘Maybe you should get it out. Oh and looks like Charles needs changing’ he said, wafting a hand in front of his nose and handing the baby back.

‘Oh shit.’ Mike said.

‘Bang on buddy. He’s all yours mate.’

Mike took Charles back to his room and undressed him. He dry retched at the sight and smell that appeared when he opened the nappy.

‘What the hell have you been eating?’ He said as he stared at the green-brown mess that was caked on Charles’s ass and legs.

‘Guess you’re due a bath.’

He held Charles at arm’s length as he took him through the house to the bathroom and ran a shallow bath. Proudly making sure that the bath water was only slightly over tepid.

‘Don’t want to burn you now do I’ he said and lay the poo encrusted baby into the bathwater. Almost immediately the bathwater turned brown and Charles was covered in his own faeces.

Dry retching again, Mike sank his hands into the murky water and fished the baby out. ‘Oh shit, sorry little dude but this must prove that you’re not mine – you’re a brown baby.’ He smiled at his own joke as he pulled the tub’s plug and turned the shower on.

Once showered and bathed, Mike took the baby back into his room and after two attempts at putting on the nappy Mike stood back and admired his handy work.

Charles smiled and Mike smiled back.

‘All happy now aren’t you?’

Then the baby grimaced and vomited all over himself and Mike’s sheets.

Mike unhappily went through the washing process again.

Chapter 21

With the baby rewashed and redressed, Mike tried to get the baby to sleep on his bed but it wasn’t having any of that. So Mike put him in the car seat and almost immediately the baby’s eyes closed and he went to sleep – peace.

With his own bed sheets cleaned and in the dryer, baby’s bottle sanitised, baby’s dirty clothes washed and hung to dry and his room made more or less respectable, Mike collapsed onto his bed exhausted. He had been fighting off a hangover ever since Jenny had banged on his window and now it was back with a vengeance.

I’ll grab a little nap and then go to the supermarket and get some stuff for the baby he thought and closed his eyes.

Charles of course had other ideas.

‘Whhhaaaaa.’

Mike sprung bolt upright and went over to the baby, grabbing him out of the seat.

‘What’s up little guy?’ He yawned. Charles continued to cry.

Mike pulled open the back of the nappy and in trepidation check the contents, thankfully it was empty.

‘Well you’ve been asleep so the only other thing is food again – what else is there in your life?’ Confidently, Mike went to the kitchen and put the jug on. His two flatmates were relaxed on the couch watching sport.

‘It’s ok, I’ve got this.’ Mike said sarcastically.

‘Good to know, but keep the noise down.’ Steve shot back, with a hint of humour.

Mike scooped the formula into the bottle, added the hot water – not boiling this time, and screwed the top on, all while juggling the crying baby. Proudly he tested the milk on his arm and satisfied it was ok, presented it to Charles’s mouth. Charles refused and continued to cry. Mike tried again and got the same result. Nothing but a crying baby. Third times a charm he thought but not this time, Charles’s cries were getting louder.

Quickly Mike jumped on the computer and typed in crying baby. Thousands of results appeared. Some reasons were simple and some caused Mike instant panic.

‘So there is more to your life than Eat, Shit and Sleep then.’ He said as he tried one of the simpler solutions – baby is too hot, cool it down.

He pulled off a couple of the layers of baby clothes and blew softly around his head. Charles’s cries softened and then finally ceased before falling asleep again. Mike sank down on his bed beside the baby and relaxed.

He watched as Charles slept, its little mouth wide open and hardly stirring. He watched as the baby’s chest slowly moved up and down as it rhythmically breathed in and out. He watched as its nostrils flared and twitched. He

watched as the baby’s eyelids flickered and moved but most of all, Mike just watched mesmerised at the innocence of the little life form. ___________________________ Mike awoke with a start and immediately checked on Charles, who was still sound asleep. Mike watched for a moment and fear grew as the baby didn’t appear to be breathing. Mike was helplessly paralysed.

In what seemed like an age - but was really only seconds - Charles’s tummy finally started to move up and down, Mike let out a huge lung full of air that he didn’t realise he was holding in and the baby woke up.

‘Whhhhaaaaaaa’ With his emotions somewhere between relief and annoyance Mike picked up the baby and tried to comfort him.

Haphazardly he slipped his hand down the back of Charles’s nappy to check if he needed changing and instantly regretted his action. A brown and stinky finger appeared at the end of his hand and again Mike dry retched. He quickly put the crying baby down on the bed and fumbled with the lid of the wipes he needed to get this radioactive contamination off of his hand as soon as possible. He gagged as he scrubbed at the wet sewerage that had made it up under his fingernail, there was no absorption happening, all the wipe seemed to do was spread the mess around his hand, he was getting nowhere fast.

All the while Charles’s cries were getting louder and louder.

Mike stopped trying to clean his hand and set about changing the baby. With the clothes and nappy off, bile moved up his throat as he looked down at the mess. Grabbing a handful of wipes from the dispenser Mike cleaned up the poo as best he could and as he wiped at the last visible brown spot between the baby’s legs, Charles’s bladder released a stream of warm pee in Mike’s direction.

Mike dove out of the way and threw a couple of wipes to stem the flow but by then it had stopped anyway. Happy that the baby pee hadn’t hit him Beware of nappy-less naked babies Mike thought to himself and smiled a little and rubbed his face with his hands in relief and in turn rubbing remnants of baby poo on his lips – this time he vomited.

Chapter 22

The weekend from Hell continued.

Charles would sleep, wake up, cry, eat, cry, poo, cry, wash, cry and then sleep – none of this included any time for Mike to eat or sleep but with the exhaustion he certainly felt like doing the cry bit.

‘Guess you’re not coming out with us tonight?’ Steve joked as he looked in on Mike and the baby.

‘Har-de-har-har.’ Mike replied sarcastically.

‘Do you want us to bring you back anything?’ Barry asked ‘A baby sitter?’ it was a lame joke but it had a fair amount of wishful truth behind it.

The two flatmates left the house and Mike felt a little jealous. Why the hell did Jenny leave me with the baby he thought. This thing is completely screwing with my life, what am I going to do with a baby at my age? Hopefully it’s not mine, I can get rid of it and get back to normal. He was tired and he was resentful. Hell, even if it is mine, I need to get rid of it. The boys are out on the town having fun and I’m... well I’m...

‘Left holding the baby.’ He said to himself and sighed heavily.

He checked the bag that Jenny had left him again and realised that the provisions were already running low.

Supermarket it is then, he thought and set about getting Charles ready for their first outing together.

Strapping the baby into the seat was easy enough, well almost. There was a little puzzle between each strap side that needed to be solved before the two joined as one and clicked into the receiving buckle, but he was getting the hang of that.

Carrying the baby in the chair out to the van was slightly harder than he expected. Mike was surprised at how heavy the weight a baby in a car seat actually was, how do skinny, weak mums do this with such ease? He thought to himself.

But both of these tasks paled into insignificance when he opened the passenger door on his van and tried to work out how the seat was supposed to be strapped in using the seat belt. He checked the diagram on the side of the seat and it might as well have been hieroglyphics or a cave drawing from a Neanderthal.

‘How the hell...’ he muttered as he pulled the strap this way and that, wrapped it round the seat twice and tried to thread the belt through obscure catches. Finally after a fifteen minute fight he was happy that the seat was securely fastened to the van. He took one more pass to double check before realising that his van had passenger airbags which meant that the baby seat was facing the wrong way.

‘Shit.’ was all he said.

With the seat the right way round and treble checked for security, Mike started the car and put it into gear. The moment he set off the baby started to bawl.

There was no way Mike was going to go through the trauma of unbuckling the baby from the seat to try to pacify him, so he decided to just turn up the tunes and grin a bare the seven minute drive to the store.

Charles’s cries immediately stopped with the motion of the moving van and the melodic beats from Mikes stereo, so the drive to the store turned out to be quite a respite for the beleaguered courier driver. But the reprieve was short lived, the moment they stopped in the supermarket car park and both the engine and tunes ceased, Charles’s cries started up again.

Straps and buckles were undone and the baby was freed, Mike checked the nappy to feel for leakage or worse and found nothing so it was into the pink holdall for the bottle. Baby Charles was silent the moment the bottle’s nipple hit his lips – success.

Once the baby was fed and burped – again, Mike put him back in the seat and carried them in to the store. Realising that he would probably be there for a while, Mike grabbed a trolley and plonked the baby and the seat and the pink holdall directly in to its main grocery well, then rubbed his aching tricep – no need for the gym so long as I swap arms he thought. Then it was on to the baby aisle.

‘Nappies.’ He mumbled ‘Holy crap.’

The plethora of brands, sizes, styles, colours and prices was mind blowing.

The first thing he worked out was that they were predominantly ranked in baby weight, which was of very little help to him. He spotted the word ‘Newborn’ and zoned in on a package that boasted that. How new is Newborn? He thought but he had already decided that Charles was going to fit in to that category regardless.

He scanned the rest of the shelf to see if there were any more marked as newborn and found several more – he chose the cheapest. Wipes were next - natural, bamboo, unscented, own brand, pink and blue – again he chose the cheapest. Shampoo and soap – easy choice, cheapest. Finally formula - another nightmare. The starter/newborn word sprung out at him, ‘genius’ he muttered but then saw words like reflux and allergies and pro-biotics. Goat’s milk, soy, nurture, lactose free. This time Mike chose one of the most expensive – ‘Gotta have good tucker.’ He said to the sleeping baby.

‘They’re cute when they’re asleep aren’t they.’ A middle aged woman was looking into the baby seat and smiling.

‘How old is she?’

‘He.’ Mike corrected her.

‘Sorry.’ She said and motioned towards the pink holdall beside the car seat.

‘How old is he?’

‘Not sure but I think he’s uh, about a month old.’ Mike replied uncertainly.

She looked confused.

Mike realised how this must have sounded and thought about trying to explain.

‘Long story.’ He started before deciding that he had no real need to explain himself to a woman in a supermarket.

‘I won’t bore you with it.’ He said and pushed the trolley off to the checkout. He realised he had been rude but in his defence he was tired and way out of his depth.

Even though he had chosen the cheapest of supplies, he was surprised at the total price that flashed up on the till.

‘Hopefully this is the first and last shop for you.’ He said to the sleeping baby and then quickly realised that he said it way too loud. The checkout operator was giving him the strangest of looks.

‘Babysitting for a friend.’ He offered as an excuse and quickly paid and left.

Chapter 23

It had been a difficult night. Mike’s choice of baby care items hadn’t worked out to be ideal. The nappies were flimsy, the wipes tore easily and the soap gave Charles a rash – genius.

The only good thing was his choice of formula, it went down easily and seemed to limit the amount of burping the baby needed. Mike found some barrier cream at the back of a cupboard – he had no idea whose it was and why it was there but it worked a treat on the baby’s rash so he was thankful.

So with the rash calmed, its tummy full, bottom cleaned and nappy changed the baby finally went into a decent sleep, which in turn meant that Mike could finally crash. _____________________ Crash was the sound that woke Mike from his much needed sleep coma.

‘Waheyy!’ came the drunken shout from Steve outside Mike’s bedroom door. Mike jumped up and checked on the baby, still sound asleep. He checked his watch 3am.

‘Balls’ he said and rubbed his gravel feeling eyes.

The cheers and jeers ruckus continued outside his door and then the TV went on.

Mike went out to see what was going on.

‘There he is – BIG DADDY Mike.’ Boomed a drunken Steve; who came over and hugged his flatmate.

‘Look what master chef did.’ Steve was pointing at Barry and the broken plate mess on the kitchen floor.

‘Shhh!’ Mike said angrily.

‘Ohhhhh, grumpy!’ Barry joked.

‘We missed our wingman tonight buddy, we could have done with you. All the girls were hunting in packs of three.’

Although softer; Steve’s voice was still far too loud.

‘Quiet – you’ll wake the baby.’ Mike was tired and mildly conflicted. He did and didn’t want to hear what he had missed out on but more importantly he wanted to sleep and he wanted the baby to sleep.

‘Guys, can you tell me all about it tomorrow, I’m knackered.’ Mike voice was slightly raised.

‘Shhhhhh. You’ll wake the baby.’ Barry was mimicking Mike.

‘Just go to bed you drunken assholes.’ Mike turned his back and returned to his room. Angry he slammed the door too hard and Charles woke up.

‘Whhaaaaa.’

‘Waheyyy, the baby’s up!’ Steve and Barry joked outside the door and laughed, ‘Shit.’ Mike swore ‘I hate my life.’ _______________________________ Charles was up and bawling again at 6.38am.

Mike was greeted with the trifecta – A pooey and wet leaky nappy and an overly hungry baby. He stripped off the baby’s clothes and wiped him clean, all while the baby screamed in his ear. He put a fresh nappy on him and carried him out to the kitchen. Charles cries resonated around the whole house and both Barry and Steve came to their respective bedroom doors – both incredibly hung-over.

‘Dude, where’s the off button.’ Steve begged.

‘Make it stop.’ Barry pleaded.

‘Sorry guys, but he’s hungry. I’m working on it.’ Mike hid his smile and took his precious time in preparing the baby’s formula.

Both flatmates retired to their rooms, slamming their doors behind them. _________________________ It was around midday when the Barry and Steve emerged from their rooms. Although the four of them were in the same room - No-one spoke.

Hangover brunch was made and motorsport was put on TV. Baby formula was mixed and administered and the three flatmates focussed their attention on the battle between Ford and Holden.

Finally Mike broke the deadlock.

‘Can either of you go on late to work tomorrow?’

The two lads turned to Mike.

‘As you know I need to find out if this baby is mine, so I need to get a paternity test done. I need to get around a grand and I guess you guys don’t have the cash to lend me. So I’ll have to go ask my boss for an advance.’

‘So what do you need us for?’

‘Look, fingers crossed, the baby isn’t mine and I can offload it and we can get things back to normal. But I don’t want everyone at work knowing about it either, it would be a nightmare – so I need a babysitter, someone to take care of it while I go and get the money.’

Both guys thought about it before Steve jumped in.

‘I’ll do it.’

Surprised by which one of his pals came forward, he really assumed that Steve wouldn’t want a bar of it.

Mike relaxed back in the sofa beside the baby and said ‘thanks.’

Charles blew a couple of spit bubbles as if to celebrate.

Chapter 24

Monday morning came around and not a moment too soon, Mike had seriously had enough of the whole situation, the sooner this nightmare was over the better.

‘So the formula is in here, nappies and wipes are here that’s about it. I’ll only be around an hour....’

‘There is no way I’m changing a nappy – so if he does his business he’ll have to wait. One hour right – no longer okay?’ Steve was adamant.

‘Okay, and thanks.’ Mike raced out the door. ___________________ ‘Wendy, can I have a word?’

‘Mr Bishop, you look terrible. Shouldn’t you be out on the road?’

‘Yeah, Big Hoss is loading up my van but I really need to chat with you.’

‘It’s Monday morning Mr Bishop and as you know Monday mornings are frantic, can we do it later?’

‘No I need to talk NOW.’ The scowl he received from Wendy let him know that she didn’t appreciate his tone.

‘Go get yourself a coffee in the kitchen Mr Bishop and I’ll join you there in a moment.’

Mike left her alone.

Fifteen minutes later and Mike was beside himself, pacing around the staff kitchen. Finally Wendy appeared.

‘Now Mr Bishop, what can I do for you so urgently on a busy Monday morning?’

Mike had practised what he needed to say countless times over the past twenty-four hours, how best to phrase it without answering a raft of questions.

But ‘I need a thousand dollars.’ Was all he blurted out.

Wendy’s mouth dropped open.

‘Sorry Wendy. What I meant to say was, I have had a bit of a family crisis come up and I need a thousand dollar advance on my wages. I’ll pay it back as soon as I can, maybe you could take a chunk off me each week but I really need it today, sort of now.’

Wendy eyed the gaunt and bedraggled looking driver before her.

‘You’ll have to give me a little more than that Mr Bishop. Are you in trouble?’

‘I can’t really tell you any more than that at the moment Wend. I just need the cash to sort something out but no I’m not in any trouble. Can you help me? Please.’

Wendy considered the question for a few beats.

‘If it’s drugs or something else illegal then I can’t...’

‘It’s nothing like that Wend, it’s just a personal matter that I’d rather not go into right now. Will you do it?’

‘This better not come back to haunt me...’

Mike took that as a yes. ‘Thanks so much.’ he interrupted and threw his arms around her.

‘I promise, it’s all okay.’

‘It had better be Mr Bishop.’ ____________________ ‘This one is ultra-urgent mate.’ Big Hoss said as he closed the van door and handed Mike a small satchel.

‘It’s something that Ernie found hidden at the back of the thriving wankers locker – supposed to have been delivered three days ago, so last Thursday.’

‘I can’t do it; I’ve got an appointment...’

‘The clap clinic will have to wait, Ernie wants it delivered now and since you’re here, you’re the one to do it. Sorry brother.’

‘Shit.’ Mike grabbed the package and jumped into his van, quickly exiting the warehouse and squealing the wheels as he went. ________________ With the urgent package delivered Mike checked his watch.

‘Shit.’ He swore.

‘I’m running a little late, but I’m on my way.’ Mike was on the phone to Steve.

‘You need to get back here now; the kid is losing his mind.’ Mike could hear Charles bawling in the background.

‘Have you fed him?’

‘He doesn’t want to take the bottle.’

Frustrated, Mike pulled the phone out of the cradle to concentrate on Steve.

‘Check his nappy....’

‘No way, I told you I’m...’

‘Just pick him up and sniff.’ Mike held on as the phone went quiet on the other end.

‘Stinks mate and stinks bad. And before you ask, I told you before I am NOT gonna change him. You’d better get your ass home here and you’d better be quick.’

Mike was about to argue when he saw blue and red flashing lights in his mirror.

‘SHIT.’ He yelled.

‘Yes, and it’s your problem, not mine.’

‘No, I’ve just been pulled over for talking on the phone. Look, I’ll be there soon.’ _____________ Mike tried to talk his way out of a ticket but the traffic cop was unforgiving, spouting the law and that Mike should know better. So one hefty fine plus demerit points later, Mike was battling through the traffic on his way home.

The phone flashed up Steve’s name and Mike ignored it he was only five minutes from the house. The phone rang three times in those five minutes the final time as Mike had his key in the door.

‘Two bloody hours, Asshole.’ Mike said as he passed Mike at the door and handed him the still screaming baby.

‘Sorry mate I......’

But Steve was already out the gate.

Chapter 25

‘Hi, I need to know if this baby is mine.’ Mike whispered putting the baby seat on the desk and dropping the pink holdall on the floor. He was in the reception of the busy testing lab. He then realised how stupid he must have sounded and turned red. Thankfully the poker faced woman behind the desk didn’t give him a bad time and no-one else had heard him.

However the ‘Doctor or legal referral?’ question aroused the interest of a few people in the waiting room.

‘Uh no, just private.’ Mike responded.

‘That’ll be $1,125.’ Blushing, Mike pulled out his credit card and swiped it through the machine – he had already transferred the money Wendy had put into his account on to his Visa via mobile banking.

‘Please fill out this form’ she said and handed him a clipboard, form and pen. Mike kicked the pink holdall over to a line of empty seats put the baby down on one of the plastic reception chairs and sat beside him.

It wasn’t a difficult or complex from to fill out but it did take Mike a disproportional amount of time to complete. He was uncomfortable filling out his personal details, somehow he wanted to remain anonymous but of course there was no chance of that. So with a deep breath he filled in what he knew, the baby’s Mother’s details obviously totally stumping him.

He sheepishly handed the form back to the poker faced receptionist and sat down to wait his turn. As he waited he looked around at the other patients and wondered what they were having tested. Most looked relatively healthy but one guy in particular looked like he was at deaths door. As if on cue, the guy let rip with a phlegm filled cough, Mike and several others casually covered their mouths with their hands.

Around twenty minutes later, Mikes name was called.

The sterile room/cubicle was tiny but Mike guessed it was sufficient for the type of duties being carried out inside, that being said the nurse had to go out and get a chair for Mike to put the baby seat and pink holdall on.

‘What a little cutie.’ The nurse said as she looked at Charles asleep in his seat.

‘He is when he’s like this.’ Mike replied.

‘So this is a simple mouth swab sample.’ The nurse started. ‘We could do blood test if you like it’s more exact and if the mouth swab results come back with any anomalies this would be the next course of action anyway.’

‘Anomalies?’ Mike asked.

She checked the form again, ‘Oh you’re just after a positive or negative result.’

Mike had no idea what she was on about, what else did people doing this test want to know? But he just nodded.

‘Yeah, I just want to know if the kid is mine or not.’

‘Okay take a seat, head back and open your mouth.’

After slipping on some surgical gloves she unpackaged the mouth swab stick and smeared the white cotton bud side around the inside of his cheeks then slid the plastic protective tube up over the cotton and clicked the lid shut.

After a quick change of gloves the same process was undertaken for Charles, to Mike’s amazement the baby didn’t wake up, in fact he didn’t even stir.

‘All done.’ The nurse said as she ripped the gloves off.

‘So what happens next? When will I get the results?’

Again the nurse checked the form. ‘Results will be emailed to you and I would say usually, depending on workload of course, in about five working days.’

‘Ok, thanks.’ Mike said despondently, he knew from the website that it would be around that sort of time scale but hoped she would tell him to wait in reception while they tested it there.

Another five more days of Hell he thought, and reluctantly picked Charles and the pink holdall up and left the clinic. ___________________ With a van full of late deliveries Mike had no option but to do his route for the day with the baby en-tow. He was starting to get the hang of strapping the car seat in and so within five minutes he was off.

En-route his mobile rang, Mike checked the caller id and saw it was the office, he chose to ignore it as he knew it wouldn’t be good news. Instead he put his foot down a little harder.

‘What time do you call this?’ The normally friendly lady that had an online toy business working from home looked pissed off.

‘Yeah sorry, got a flat tyre on the way so a bit behind schedule this morning.’ Mike lied as he unloaded her boxes.

‘I called your office; they said you left hours ago...’

‘I said I’m sorry, can’t really do anything about a puncture now can I? Is this all for today?’ he said cutting her short.

‘Yes but they’re urgent.’

‘Understood. Gotta go.’ Mike quickly loaded the packages and jumped back in the van. Five hundred yards down the road Charles woke up and he was hungry.

‘Shit, not now.’

Deciding not to stop, Mike decided to get the bottle out of the bag while he carried on driving. He fumbled with the zipper on the pink holdall and swerved across the road as he took his eyes off the road.

‘Shiiiiiit.’ He said as he put the van back on the right side of the road. Again, he rummaged one handed through the bag till he got a hold of the bottle. All the while Charles’s wail was getting louder and louder.

‘Hold on, can’t you just wait a few minutes. I’m working on it little fella.’ Mike pleaded as he popped the plastic lid off. With one eye on the road and the other trying to guide the teat into the baby’s mouth – Mike was unsuccessfully trying to multitask.

The nipple caught on the baby’s lip and flicked formula up into its eye, the tone change from cry to scream caused Mike to focus his attention solely on the baby and not on the road, tyres squealed as the van lost traction and skidded out of control.

More by luck than judgement Mike managed to save the van from a nasty crash. Paddling the steering wheel for all he was worth the van bounced on two wheels before gaining purchase and straightening up. With his heart pounding he pulled the van to a halt at the kerbside.

Mike looked beside him at the mess that was once his passenger seat. The lid of the baby’s bottle had flipped off blasting what looked like its entire liquid contents over the seat, the baby, the side window and the windscreen. The pink holdall had vomited out nappies, wipes, clothes and of course the can of formula. Lid off it had hit the dashboard filling the cab with clouds of white powder. It looked like a fight had broken out in a cocaine factory.

As the dust settled and Mike’s heart started beating at a more regular rate again he stared at the dusty face of a silent Charles – who just looked back at him and smiled. ____________________ The rest of the day Mike played catch up – unfortunately without success.

Chapter 26

Exhausted from a mentally and physically challenging day Mike finally pulled up outside his home. The baby was asleep in his seat and without the energy to get out of the van and go inside Mike slumped over the steering wheel and almost joined him.

After a few minutes Mike shook himself awake.

‘Okay, let’s go and see how the air is inside the house.’ He said out loud to no-one in particular.

As it turned out, the air in the house was freezing. Both flatmates scowled at him when he entered the house and Mike could see that Steve wanted to have an argument and by the looks of it he had managed to get Barry to side with him. Mike chose to just retire to his room and avoid all contact.

He was hungry and tired but there was work to be done before he could rest. There was no way he wanted to go through another day like today, he needed to get a babysitter.

He got straight on to the computer and looked up ‘Babysitters for newborns.’ The list of agencies was a lot bigger than he expected which he took to be a good sign. With funds being one of his major issues right now he clicked straight on the ‘rates’ page of the first few sites.

‘I can’t afford $150 per day.’ He said, deflated.

He then had a look at day care options, it was worse. Pricing was crazy and there looked to be tons more paperwork involved which meant answering questions he had no idea about the answers to. Vaccines, allergies, parents!

He leant back in his chair – stumped.

‘Think, think, think’ he muttered.

I could call in sick for a week. Seemed like a plausible solution. He could hide out at home, take care of the baby till the negative result was emailed to him and then he could be rid of the whole mess.

But the company worked on a bonus/commission type scheme, if he didn’t work he would only get his basic pay – which was awful. He had rent and bills to pay plus a new thousand dollar loan – Wendy would kill him if he went AWOL. Community board he thought. He remembered seeing the notices at his local supermarket, surely there would be a babysitter advert on there. But the idea of getting back out and going to the store with the baby en-tow, into the mess of a van, and the bonus of dealing with supermarket shoppers filled him with dread.

‘Trade me’ he said out loud and jumped back on the computer. Sure enough there was a raft of adverts offering babysitting services. Mike scanned through the list and checked out the ones closest to him. Average seemed to be around fifteen bucks an hour so by Mike’s calculation he could wiz through his workload and only have to fork out around Ninety bucks a day. Not great but doable, plus what choice did he have?

He grabbed the phone and started dialling.

His telephone patter wasn’t great but it was adequate.

‘Hi my name is Mike Bishop and I need someone to take care of a new born boy for around six hours a day for the next four days.’

The first two people he called were looking for something more long term than just a four day gig. Next one was happy with the hours and length of the job but couldn’t start for another two weeks. The last two really quizzed Mike about the baby and both respectfully declined when Mike started stammering with his answers.

Mike was back to square one.

He held his face in his hands as he thought about what to do next. He knew he should bath and feed the baby and his own stomach called out for something to eat but he also knew that he had to find someone to take Charles off his hands.

‘Supermarket it is then.’ He said, and reluctantly picked up the baby, baby seat and pink holdall and left the house.

Steve and Barry looked over at him as he came out of his room but Mike just left. Again, he was not bothering to cut through or address the tension that had formed between the flatmates.

The supermarket gods had been kind to him, there was plenty of parking and no-one seemed to be interested in a guy with a baby and a pink holdall. Mike scanned the notice board full of cards, white ware, furniture and cars for sale, language, software and musical instrument lessons plus an assortment of other goods and services. He was searching for babysitters and luckily found two. One was charging eighteen bucks an hour and the other one twelve.

Mike called the cheapest.

‘Hi, I’m looking at your babysitter advert on the Supermarket noticeboard.’

‘Yes, that’s me,’ came the cheery voice on the other end of the phone.

‘You may not be interested but I need someone to look after a new born boy for the next four days for about six hours a day - starting tomorrow.’

The phone went quiet.

‘Are you still there?’ Mike asked.

‘Yes, I was just looking at my calendar. Which area are you in?’

‘Grey Lynn.’

‘What hours do you need?’

‘Ideally it would be 8am till around 2pm’ The phone went quite again. Mike waited.

‘Yep, I can do fit you in.’

Mike was overjoyed.

‘But...’

Mike held his breath, ‘I’ll need to charge fifteen bucks an hour to cover travelling time.’

Mike almost bit her hand off at the offer.

‘No problem.’

Mike didn’t know what questions to ask and she seemed comfortable enough so he gave her his address and arranged to meet her the next morning, then drove home on a relieved high.

The cold reception from his flatmates again was getting stupid and Mike paused a beat as he considered giving them an update on the day and what he had sorted out with the babysitter but he was tired and grumpy and knew that the conversation would turn ugly.

Best to just sleep on it and let time do its thing.

He skulked back into his room.

Chapter 27

The baby had another unsettled night and reluctantly the whole household was up and around before 6 am. Mike took the opportunity to bring his flatmates up to speed with his progress in the hope that it would clear the air and bring things back to some kind of order.

‘So the results will be in by the end of the week, negative fingers crossed. The babysitter will be here at eight so I’ll be able to work without interruption and maybe even get an uninterrupted kip at lunchtime. All things going well we can be back to normal by next week.’

They all paused for a moment as they processed the information before Charles broke the silence with the start of another cry.

‘Let’s hope so.’ Steve said and then both Barry and Steve took the baby’s crying as a sign to leave.

‘Time for a quick bath before I go off to work little man.’ Mike said once the other two had scarpered.

Refreshed at the thought of a day off, Mike happily washed, dressed and fed the baby and even had a little play with him as he watched the clock near 8am.

At ten past eight Mike was pacing around the room – where the hell is she he thought. By quarter past he was almost beside himself.

The rap at the door calmed him down instantly.

Emile the babysitter was a vision, a vision of both beauty and of freedom, Mike wasn’t sure which he preferred the most at that moment in time. He almost hugged her but thankfully she stuck out her hand and introduced herself.

‘Hi Mike, sorry I’m late traffic on the bridge was terrible. I’m Emile. And who is this little man?’ She quickly shook Mike’s hand but her attention was on the baby.

‘Pleased to meet you Emile, this is Charles.’

He invited her in and closed the door behind them, Emile took the baby from his arms and started to pull cute faces and make googoo noises to him. Charles smiled.

‘He likes you.’ Mike smiled too.

‘It’s the faces I pull, gets them every time.’ She joked.

‘Can I get you a coffee?’ Mike offered. Emile accepted.

After the coffee and a quick tour of the house Mike pulled the contents of the pink holdall out and laid them on the kitchen counter. He started to explain each item and realised how ridiculous he sounded.

‘Sorry, but I’m new to this.’ His face was a tinge of rouge.

‘It’s okay, your first time leaving him alone?’

Mike nodded.

‘Don’t worry, he’s in good hands.’ She said and Mike believed her.

‘Where’s your wife?’ She asked.

‘Um, it’s a long story... I should be back by two but are you okay if I’m running a little late, I’ll pay you extra if I am..’

Emile held up her hand.

‘You’re my only job this week so I’d be happy if there were extra hours, take your time.’

Mike thanked her, sort of hugged the baby and left the house for work. ________________ After a bit of a bollocking from Ernie, firstly for the late deliveries but more importantly for not answering his phone Mike loaded his van and set off on his route – after a quick stop at the Tiny Turtle of course.

His day went seamlessly well, deliveries on time, traffic was good, and he even managed to get a power nap squeezed in at lunch time. He checked in with Emile twice during the day and all was well. By the time he got home at two thirty he was feeling more like his cheery self.

‘Shhh.’ Emile said when he walked through the door ‘Baby’s only just gone to sleep.’

Mike looked at Charles sleeping - like a baby.

He then looked around the house.

‘You cleaned the house; you didn’t need to do that.’ He said.

‘I had to fill in the time somehow, couldn’t work the TV or the Xbox.’ She joked.

A great babysitter, cute, funny and cleans the house - Mike was spellbound.

He pulled out his wallet and counted out $100 and handed the cash over to her.

‘Thanks – do you still want me for the rest of the week?’ She asked.

I want you for the rest of my life he thought but ‘yes please,’ was what he actually said.

Chapter 28

It was a rough night but Mike was comfortable in the knowledge that that Emile would be there at eight to take over and that the clock was ticking towards the end of the week and the result from the test.

The air between the flatmates was considerably better almost jovial. Mike told them about Emile and both Steve and Barry were impressed with how the house had scrubbed up.

‘She sounds awesome’ Barry said.

‘I may get a baby myself if I can get a nanny like her.’ Steve added ‘Shame I have to go to work, I’ll call in late tomorrow so I can see her in person.’

Mike kicked them both out and freshened up to wait for the babysitter. ______________ Emile was bang on time and looked as good as the day before, probably even better.

‘Not get much sleep last night?’ She smiled.

‘Yeah you should’ve stayed over.’ Mike immediately realised what he’d just implied. ‘I uh, I mean I think he missed you.’

‘I know what you meant. Is the coffee on?’ She said as she smiled again and went off to the kitchen.

They exchanged a little more banter and then Mike set off for work. ___________________ ‘Puck puck puck.’

Big Hoss was pursing his lips together and making fish noises.

‘Guess who has graced us with her presence this morning showing off her new company wheels?’

‘Is that Elizabeth’s Lexus outside?’ Mike asked.

‘Yep and looks like the home kit worked wonders.’ He pulled a fish face again.

‘Lip implants, breast implants wonder if she’s going for the Brazilian Bootie next?’ Mike joked ‘She’ll need to take care if she wants to fit in those sports seats.’

They both laughed.

‘What’s with you lately man? You look like hell on legs.’

‘It’s a strange old story brother, I’ll tell you about it one day but everything will be back to normal next week.’ I hope he thought ‘Okay man. Looks like you’ve got a busy day.’ Big Hoss pointed at the large pile of deliveries waiting to be loaded into his van.

‘Good to see you two working hard as usual.’ Ernie’s wife Elizabeth had entered the warehouse.

‘We were talking about your rear end Mrs Leggit.’ Mike replied.

‘I beg your pardon Mr Bishop!’ Elizabeth was shocked, so too was Big Hoss – Although Elizabeth’s heavily botoxed face hid it well.

‘The Lexus back end, looks phat.’ Mike continued.

Elizabeth was speechless; Big Hoss was fit to burst trying to hold in his laughter ‘Pretty Hot And Tempting – PHAT, it’s a nice ride Mrs Leggit.’

Elizabeth finally understood what Mike was talking about, or thought she did.

‘Thank you Mike. I think.’ She said proudly, then finished with - ‘But less chat about my PHAT rear end and more work please.’ And left them alone.

‘Do you think she heard us?’ Mike was confused.

‘Nahhh we’d be gone. Now give me a hand loading your van.’ _________________ It was another great day for Mike and although he didn’t manage to get much of a nanna nap, he did manage to boost his pay check with a lot of deliveries.

Life was good. Work was back on track, flatmates were friends again and Emile was taking good care of the soon to be gone baby. Maybe I can convince her to take care of me when I get rid of the baby Mike thought and smiled to himself.

He got home around 3pm a little later than expected but he knew that Emile would be fine with the extra hour. He turned the key and opened the door to virtually an empty home – No TV, no Xbox or stereo, they had been robbed.

‘Emile? Charles? He shouted as he tried to take in the missing electronics and furniture - no response. Visions of masked men, assault and abduction filled his mind – ‘oh shit Charles!’ he yelled and raced into his room.

The baby was sound asleep in his car seat on the bed. Emile however, was nowhere to be found.

Chapter 29

The cops had just left the house and the three and a half flatmates were sitting around the living room.

‘Call her again.’ Steve demanded.

‘I’ve told you, the number is no longer in service.’ Mike was talking about Emile’s mobile number.

‘So you didn’t check her out at all? Not even a look at her driving license?’ Barry chipped in.

‘Like I told the cops, she looked so, well innocent and what with all that had been going on she seemed to be the perfect solution.’ Mike tried to explain again.

‘Well she clearly wasn’t either a perfect solution; or innocent for that matter.’ Steve spat out.

‘Hindsight is a wonderful thing.’ Mike shot back.

‘Yeah well hindsight ain’t gonna get my computer back is it!’ Steve’s answers were curt and cutting.

‘Weren’t you the one yesterday that wanted to get a baby so you could have here as a babysitter? Anyway, we’re insured so we will get the stuff back.’ Mike offered.

‘Won’t get back all the stuff on things like the computer though will it? Pics, videos and all my work stuff. Some of it is really personal.’ Barry added.

‘I think the pics of you naked will just be deleted.’ Mike attempted a joke but the stone cold faces of his flatmates meant that humour was too soon.

‘At least she didn’t harm the baby.’ He changed the subject.

‘Now you’re thinking of the baby? Not much of a Father are you? Not checking out the person taking care of your child! Anyway, all the shit that’s happened recently is because of that bloody thing and you don’t even think the bastard is yours!’ Steve said angrily.

Mike paused for a moment because he knew his flatmate was right, none of this would have happened if Jenny hadn’t dumped her baby off on him. No baby, no problem. He was also thankful that his flatmates hadn’t brought up the issue of parenthood and relieved that the cops hadn’t asked any questions about the baby, just about the babysitter.

‘Well either way, it’s still a good thing that the baby wasn’t abducted or harmed.’ Mike sighed.

The three of them went quiet for a spell. Before Steve spoke again.

‘Listen mate, I’ve got to say this.’ He paused then continued ‘I think you’re great and the three of us have had a blast living together but the three men and a baby thing ain’t working out for me. If the baby stays then I’m leaving.’

Both Mike and Barry looked at Steve before Barry started to nod in agreement.

‘Sorry Mike but I think I have to side with Steve. I can’t listen to the baby cry at all hours anymore and I think you’re a great mate but if you keep the baby then rather than both of us having to find a new place, you’ll have to leave.’

Mike was going to object but if he was honest he really saw their side of things, hell he didn’t want to be around the life ruining thing.

‘I get it guys. Give it till the end of the week and I get the results back, if it’s negative then I’ll get rid of him, he won’t be my problem. Then we can get back to how things were – I promise.’

No-one really believed what Mike had said there was no way back from the disruption that the baby had caused. A positive or negative, baby stay baby go result would still end up with the same outcome – Mike would have to look for another place to stay.

Chapter 30

Thursday started out the same way as the past few days, with the baby bawling. Mike heard the house door slam and assumed that both his flatmates had left the house early. He assumed correctly.

Almost on auto pilot now, Mike washed and dressed the baby then prepared and served him the formula. Coffee and toast for himself then it was out the door and off to work with baby and pink holdall by his side.

‘What the hell is that?’ Big Hoss was pointing at Charles in the baby seat in Mike’s van.

‘Shhhhh.’ Mike said ‘You’ll wake him.’

‘Whose is it? What are you doing bringing a baby to work for?’

‘I’m just helping a friend out for a while. Now shut up and help me get the van loaded.’

Big Hoss shook his head in confusion but helped get the van loaded.

‘You’d better not let Ernie find out about this. I know we’re a kind of family business, but this is taking it too far.’

Big Hoss had a smile on his face but Mike understood the warning. ____________________ Most of the day ran smoothly, the baby was being well behaved and Mike was keeping up with the regular feeds and nappy changes while delivering the packages virtually bang on time. He was actually starting to enjoy himself, music on low, sun was shining, and he almost forgot the life changing upheaval of the past week.

‘You know little fella, if you’re mine this could turn out to be a father and son business.’ He said as he looked over at the baby, who smiled back.

This scene of serenity changed in an instant as Charles projectile vomited all over the drivers cab.

Mike screeched the van to a halt and grabbed the baby out of the seat. Charles didn’t stop vomiting and Mike had no idea what to do, whichever way he held the baby, vomit cascaded out of his mouth. Best he could come up with was to hold the baby face down to somehow ensure that its airways stayed open. Mike’s pulse was racing and he was starting to panic.

Finally there was a break in the vomiting; Mike decided that the hospital Accident & Emergency was the place to be. He quickly strapped the baby back in the seat and raced off to the city.

Luckily, one of the parking slots outside the A&E was empty, Mike skidded into the bay and jumped out of the van, grabbing the carseat and the holdall he rushed through the automatic doors and raced to the counter. Charles’s vomiting had eased but he was looking very pale.

‘I need to see a doctor now.’ Mike demanded.

‘Please calm down sir, what is the...’

‘He won’t stop vomiting and vomiting, and now he’s turned white, why won’t you do something?’

The triage nurse came out from her cubicle and took the baby from a nervous but thankful Mike. He followed her as she took Charles back into her cubicle and watched as she gently took him out of the car seat.

‘Please hold onto your baby while I run a few tests.’ She said and started to take the baby’s temperature.

‘How long has your baby been sick?’ She asked.

‘About twenty minutes. He just started to throw up everywhere.’ Mike replied.

‘Was he near any drugs, toxins or poisons?’ She continued as she tested the baby’s heartbeat and pulse with a clip she attached to his finger.

Mike thought before replying was there anything lying around in the front of the cab? ‘No, he was just in the van, in his carseat. What’s wrong with him?’

‘Could be any number of things but his temperature is a bit high and pulse is slightly elevated so I would say there’s nothing to be worried about, he’s probably running a bit of a fever, maybe picked up from you or someone close or could even be part of teething, how old is he?’

Mike was angry and stumped – angry because it must have been the bitch Emile that had passed on a virus and stumped because he had no idea on the baby’s birthday.

‘Um I’m not sure, I’m um babysitting.’ He stammered.

‘Well we really need to get hold of his parents, because legally I shouldn’t be discussing the baby’s health without their consent.

The word legally made Mike go cold.

‘Could you please fill out this form, at least then we’d get some details on you as the guardian.’ Her tone was calm but formal.

‘Form?’ he asked.

‘We’ll need to get the paediatrician to have a look at him and so we’ll have to admit the baby for tests and to get some electrolytes back in to him to stop him dehydrating. So, sorry I didn’t get your name?’

‘Mike.’

‘So Mike, if you can put down what you know so we can get things started. Are the parents on their way? I assume you’ve called them? If not pass the details of the parents on to our administrator she will get in touch with them,’ It was Mike’s turn to go pale.

Chapter 31

‘Is there a problem Mike?’

Mike’s mind was racing as fast as his pulse was pounding; he was running out of ideas and excuses. What could he say? What could he do? He would have to tell the truth and accept all the consequences that came with it, not something he was looking forward to.

‘Mike?’ the nurse said.

‘Mike?’ She said again, but in a much firmer tone.

‘Sorry, I’m uh dyslexic, filling out the form is going to be difficult.’

It was a terribly lame lie and Mike could tell the nurse didn’t believe him.

‘That’s ok Mr....’

‘Bishop.’

‘That’s ok Mr Bishop, what’s the baby’s name?’

‘Charles.’

‘Well Mr Bishop, you go over to Silvana at administration, she’ll talk you through the form and in the meantime I’ll get Charles taken through to the ward and get him fixed up. You can join him there once we’ve been in contact with Charles’s parents.’ Mike could tell by her tone that there was no room for negotiation so he just nodded. ____________________ Following a brief conversation between the nurse and the administrator, Mike was told by the administrator to take a seat in the waiting area and she’d be with him soon with the form to help him complete it – the baby had then been taken away and Mike was left alone with on the cold plastic chair, his thoughts and concerns running haywire.

So that’s it then, baby’s gone and I’ve got no access to him until the parents are contacted. I’ve got no way of finding or contacting Jenny so that’s a dead end. I can’t fill out the form because I don’t even know the baby’s date of birth. Guess I could lie? But surely they’d have records; something would be in their computer. I could run?

Company Branded van caught on CCTV they’d find me easily enough.

His phone rang interrupting his thoughts – it was work.

Shit I have half a van full of boxes to deliver, how am I going to explain that I’m in hospital with a baby?

He ignored it.

The administrator is gonna know I’m lying and pretty soon the cops are gonna be called. No way will they believe my story. My home life is down the pan. I’m broke and owe work a grand. Work is probably gonna fire me for no end of reason. I’m screwed. Why is this happening to me, all because I had a one night stand? Never again that’s for sure! What else can go wrong?

His shoulders sank as he slid down in the plastic chair, he covered his face in his hands and just hoped that somehow it either the ground would swallow him up or it would all magically just go away.

His phone chirped again with an incoming email alert and Mike’s first thought was to just ignore it like the phone call he had just received after all he was sure it would just be more bad news. Reluctantly he came out from behind his hands and checked the message – it was an email from the clinic.

He opened the email headed. Paternal tests results attached.

Chapter 32

With extreme trepidation Mike opened the link on his Smartphone. It was a one page sheet that started off with a pile of disclaimers, he scrolled down to near the end.

POSITIVE. Again there was a pile of explanations but positive was all that was ringing around in his head.

The word positive changed EVERYTHING. He was a father and Charles was his son and that was now a fact. He had made a baby with a girl he had absolutely no idea who she was or anything about which was not exactly a perfect start to his life as a parent but none the less it was a start that he was now had proof he was part of.

The positive result meant so many things, both good and bad. Despite his outward wish that he wasn’t the father, after all his life had been turned upside down over the past week, for some inexplicable reason he was inwardly pleased. There was a list of maybes that had now opened up with this result. Maybe now he could start putting all the pieces together and get his life somehow sorted. Maybe now he could put a formal effort into finding his son’s mother and maybe they could be a family?

Regardless of whatever happened before and whatever the future held, right now, his life had responsibilities he had a purpose, he was a DAD. And right now his son needed him.

Mike strode up to the counter and asked for the form, filling it out as best he could as he stood there he handed it back to Silvana and virtually demanded to see his son.

The administrator asked several questions about the blank parts of the document but Mike just replied ‘No Idea that’s why I left it blank.’ and then re-insisted on seeing his son. The administrator grilled him further and Mike explained the situation as best he could showing her the result certificate on his phone to underline his position.

Even though there were many unanswered questions the administrator let Mike go and see Charles provided he was escorted by one of the large security guards. Mike agreed to the terms. ________________________ Baby Charles looked so fragile and venerable as he lay there in the hospital cot with a feeding tube coming out of his nose. This was the first time that Mike had really and truly looked at the baby. His baby. He was a tiny little thing, barely making it under the crisp cotton bed sheet. His soft pinky white face, with a cute button nose was marred by the surgical tape and feeding tube. Mike stroked his son’s whispy dark browny blonde hair that only partially covered his head and used the back of his hand to test the temperature on his forehead. Charles stirred a little; his soft slow breathing speeded up a beat before settling again. Tiny arms, tiny hands and such perfectly formed little fingers. A tear formed in the corner of Mike’s eye and he wiped it away before speaking to the doctor.

‘Is he ok?’

The doctor picked up the chart and had a good look through before he replied.

‘Yes, seems that he’s picked up a bug, there’s a fair amount of it going around at the moment. We’ll keep him in overnight and monitor his temperature but fluids and rest are all that’s needed.’

Relieved, Mike sank down on the chair beside the cot and picked up his sons hand.

‘Are you ok?’ The doctor asked, ‘you look exhausted.’ Mike was listening but not hearing the doctor’s question. His focus was being consumed by the needs of his son.

The doctor asked again but still got no reply so he gave up and left him to it. _____________________ The message came through to the guard that Mike needed to move his van from the ten minute parking zone outside the A&E. The huge Samoan went through to the A&E area and found Mike beside the cot. He cleared his voice and spoke.

‘You have to move your truck man.’

Mike looked at his son and looked at the big Samoan.

‘Or else what?’ Mike’s tone wasn’t confrontational it was just a question.

‘Or else they tow it and that’s a whole heap of trouble. Just move it down to the main carpark.’ The guard suggested.

‘You’ll let me back in?’

‘You’re his Dad for sure?’

‘Yes.’ Mike held up the result sheet on his phone.

‘Then no problem.’

As if on cue the administrator came onto the ward and confirmed to them both that the results were legit and Mike was the father. Everyone on the ward was a little nicer to him from that moment forward.

Mike moved the van, called the office and told them he was in hospital and wouldn’t be in until Monday, When he returned to Charles a big comfy seat had been put beside the cot, someone among the staff had realised Mike was going to be there for the night.

Chapter 33

The Nurses were amazing and despite his concerns over the welfare of his son, Mike had managed to get a reasonable amount of sleep.

He woke to the now familiar sound of Charles crying and smiled as he watched the nurse take care of the cleaning and nappy changing, they managed to do it with such ease and nowhere near as involved as he did it.

He called Big Hoss and asked a favour.

‘Hey mate, I’m up at the hospital is there any chance you could swing by and pick up the boxes from my van before going off to work?’

Big Hoss had a string of questions but Mike told him he’d bring him up to speed when he got there.

With the baby in safe hands and Big Hoss on his way to collect the packages, Mike went to the nursing staff area and grabbed himself a murky water mug of instant coffee. It was better than nothing and free he guessed.

Big Hoss arrived at 7.45 am and Mike went out to the main reception to meet him, then they both went down to the central carpark to where the van was housed.

‘What’s going on brother? You gave me a shock, thought you were in an accident or something, but you look better than I’ve see you in a week.’ he began.

‘Yeah, it’s not me that’s been sick though I could have easily been admitted in here for exhaustion, it was that baby I had with me yesterday. Poor little thing picked up a bug and threw up all over the van and me.’

‘That explains the smell and the stain.’ Big Hoss was pointing at the stain on the front of Mike’s uniform.

‘Yeah, I tried to wash it out, but I think baby puke is worse than adults.’

‘Can’t comment on that brother, they both smell bad.’

‘So what gives? Whose is the baby?’

Mike paused for a moment then said ‘It’s mine!’

It actually felt good to say it out loud to a friend.

‘You what?’

Mike brought his pal up to speed and Big Hoss listened open jawed.

‘Wow, that’s a hell of a story brother.’

‘Yeah and I need you to keep it quiet until I know what I’m going to do, I’m not sure if I can keep him or not. It’s alright finding out that I’m the baby’s father, I guess that gives me rights and things but look at me, I’m in no shape to bring up a kid either financially or responsibly.’

‘You’d be surprised at what you’re capable of brother.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I’m just saying, you’re a good guy and things have a way of working out. But what do I know is don’t do anything you’ll regret later, chat to someone more in the know than a lowly Leggit storeman like me.’

Mike was impressed at the sincerity of his pal.

‘Thanks mate, I appreciate your advice.’

‘Anytime brother – now let’s get this van loaded. Shhhhhitt, what a stink.’ The smell of vomit that came out when they opened the back door of Mike’s van almost knocked them both off their feet.

‘I’d go get this sterilised or burnt before I went anywhere brother.’ Big Hoss joked before holding his nose and going in to get the boxes. __________________ As he walked back up to the ward Mike thought about what Big Hoss had said. The ‘chat to more people in the know’ part rather than burning the van, although after inspection of the war zone in the front cab the latter could easily be a consideration.

As the automatic doors opened he knew exactly where to go once Charles was discharged.

Chapter 34

His son was discharged around 11am, the doctor gave him one last check up and gave Mike instructions as what to look for over the next forty eight hours. Mike winced a bit as the nurse pulled out the feeding tube from Charles’s nose but it didn’t seem to bother the baby at all.

Armed with a number of electrolyte sachets Mike left the hospital with a recently sponged down, but still smelly car seat, a well nourished and perky son and his now trade mark pink holdall.

Next stop – home for a cleanup, a hose down for the van and shower for them both plus a change of clothes of course before his chat with someone he loved and respected, someone he felt sure would give him some guidance. _______________________ ‘What am I going to do mum?’

Mike and the baby were sitting at Mike’s mother’s graveside and he was trying desperately to hold back the tears as he spoke.

‘You always knew what to do and always had all the answers. You always protected me and taught me right from wrong. You kept me safe, you kept me warm and you never once complained about it. You kept a roof over my head and food on my table. You comforted me when I was in pain, celebrated my successes with me – however insignificant they were looking back now – and shared my failures. You even tried to hide your illness from me in case I couldn’t cope. How could I possibly live up to the standards you set?’

Mike was rocking the car seat as he spoke.

‘My life is in ruins mum. I’m a cert to be fired, my flatmates want me out, I’m seriously in debt.... I’m selfish, I’m unreliable, I’m....Shit...I’m an incredibly bad judge of character – especially when it comes to women...’

He hadn’t noticed but Charles was starting to watch Mike’s hand moving in front of his face as he rhythmically pushed the seat.

‘I just think that my son would be better off without me, he could be raised in a loving family, a family that wants him, a family that can provide for him, give him all the things you struggled to get for me. What would be best, a deadbeat dad or an absent one that has passed you off for a better life? I know you never taught me to believe in signs but I sure could do with some kind of guidance right now.’

Mike knew he was only talking to a big slab of engraved granite and he knew that there was only the rotting corpse of his mother buried in a coffin six feet below him but somewhere in his core he truly hoped he’d get some special message to point him in which direction to go in.

Unfortunately for Mike he didn’t get a sign, he got a phone call, a phone call from the office. It was Wendy and she was angry. She was angry that without the courtesy of an explanation Mike hadn’t delivered the packages yesterday, she was angry that she and her customer service team had fielded numerous calls of complaint and she was angry

that he had gone off sick when she was certain that he wasn’t sick he was just skiving off. He listened to her rant but continued to rock the car seat.

She finished the verbal barrage with ‘You’re a great guy but this is job abandonment, if you don’t come into work Monday, don’t bother coming in at all.’

Mike didn’t bother arguing or explaining his situation, he just hung up the call and spoke to his mother again.

‘Not exactly the sign I was looking for.’ He sighed and stopped rocking the chair.

‘Mum, I’m nowhere near being a good father and certainly not up for the job of being both parents like you - shit, I’m not even a good courier driver evidently. I’m not someone even a stranger can depend on or hold on to, let alone my son...’

Mike’s self pity was interrupted by Charles grabbing hold of Mike’s thumb, not just holding it, grabbing it tight.

Chapter 35

The weekend was again all about Charles. Mike needed to get him more clothes; he was basically sick of rotating the same three outfits and decided to just throw out the one with the sick stains down it. There were just some smells you can’t get out despite what the washing powder claims. Plus being out of the house was a huge bonus – there were only so many times he was going to apologise for bringing Emile in to the house.

He trawled around all the malls and baby outlet stores to find a bargain and as it turned out, he found some great deals. He knew he had to buy some baby furniture, like a cot or bassinette for sure but he also knew that as of next week he’d have to find a new place to live so furniture could wait.

He also cleaned the van more thoroughly which took around two hours, baby sick had made its way into every conceivable nook and cranny the van had to offer.

Although it hadn’t sunk in yet, it seemed that subconsciously Mike was going to keep his son. ______________________ ‘Charles is mine.’ Mike said. He was in the living room having called a meeting with his flatmates.

‘Wow’ Barry said. ‘What are you going to do with it?’

‘I’m not sure yet but I think I’m going to keep him, certainly for now and until I find and speak with Jenny.’

‘Big call, that could take years based on what you know about her.’ Steve added and sank back in the sofa.

‘Yeah I guess. But the more I think about it the more I think I’m doing the right thing.’

‘I think you’re making a mistake mate.’ Steve said.

‘Why’s that?’

‘You’re a dog mate, a hound. You live for the Friday night and you live for the ladies. This is going to cut that right off. And you never stick at anything, you may think this is the right thing right now but next week or next month you’ll be wanting out. Oh and let’s face it, you can’t afford the bloody thing.’

‘Well that’s certainly an answer.’ Mike was stunned and then angry.

‘Firstly the things name is Charles! And Charles is my son so watch how you talk about him from now on. Secondly I am painfully aware of what type of guy I am but having a son has made me have to grow up overnight. And thirdly and probably most importantly right now, both of you guys made it perfectly clear that I had to choose between staying here and keeping my son so we, us and this is over.’

Mike’s two – soon to be ex – flatmates were silent.

‘I’ll look for a new place this week and we’ll obviously keep in touch about the replacement of the stolen gear and insurance but that’s about all I wanted to say.’

Barry finally spoke, ‘sorry mate, I was just pissed off at losing all my stuff and the lack of sleep thing. Maybe we could work a way round all this.’

‘It’s alright Baz, I think it’s better if I find a new place. I can actually see things from your side, you guys are not gonna want to bring some girl you picked up at a club home to me and Charles, especially while I’m trying to get to grips with fatherhood.’

‘Are we done?’ It was Steve’s turn to speak. ‘Mike’s right, it’s time to bring in a new recruit to the Grey Lynn Ghetto. Good luck with your new choice of life and your..... Charles.’ He then stood up and left the room.

Barry watched unimpressed at his flatmate as he strode out the room before talking again. ‘Don’t worry about him mate, he’s just pissed off that he’s lost his best wingman. So am I but not as much as Steve.’

Mike smiled at the compliment.

‘You guys will do just fine... I’ve taught you well, it’s time for the pupils to become masters, well maybe not masters let’s just say graduates. Oh and a word to the wise, wear two condoms.’

They both laughed out loud.

Chapter 36

Monday morning actually rolled around pretty quickly and Mike was up and ready for it. He had spent some time on Sunday searching online for day care places for newborns and despite the difficulties of doing it on his Smartphone he found a place near work that sounded bang on.

It opened at 7.30am so Mike was on the road early, with son and pink holdall locked and loaded beside him.

‘Hi, I’m Mike Bishop and this is my son Charles, I’d like to take a look round your place and maybe do a few test runs before enrolling him here.’

Mike was getting more and more comfortable with calling Charles his son and had already checked out the enrolment form so was confident he could bullshit his way through the procedure, with a variety of answers including Charles new but fictitious birthday – as it turned out, he was right. By 8.30am he was on his way to work with Charles on a half day trial.

‘Wendy wants to see you as soon as you come in.’ Big Hoss said solemnly the moment Mike jumped out of the van.

‘I figured she would. How was your weekend?’

‘All good brother, more importantly, how was yours?’ Big Hoss was scanning the cab of the van as he spoke.

‘Much better than it has been, thanks for the pep talk.’

‘So you decided not to keep him?’ He asked eyes still on the cab.

‘Quite the opposite my man, I’ve got him having a trial morning at the day care around the corner.’

‘Good for you brother, good for you.’ Big Hoss was visibly pleased.

‘Time to go face the music. Oh and by the way, if you know anyone that has a room spare, a room for two that is, I’d be keen to hear about it.’ Mike said and headed off to the office. ____________________ ‘Morning Wend, I hear you want to see me?’ Mike was upbeat and chirpy.

Wendy was sour faced.

‘Mr Bishop, I’m somewhat surprised to see you today. You seem to have overcome your Friday-itis.’

‘Yep, back from deaths door and reporting for duty.’ His normally endearing smile was falling flat.

‘Let’s go and have a talk in Mr Leggit’s office.’ She said sternly and briskly walked off towards the office. Mike dutifully followed.

‘Do you want to tell me what the hell is going on Mr Bishop.’ She started the moment the office door was closed.

‘What do you mean?’

‘I mean, Ernie has been getting complaints all last week about you and he’s told me to get to the bottom of it while he’s away looking at a property in Nelson this week.’

‘Nelson ay, bit of a commute to work every day...’

‘Cut the crap Bishop, what’s going on?’ Mike was stunned, he’d never seen Wendy so wound up.

The smile dropped from Mike’s face and he wondered what he should say. Come clean was all he could think of.

So that’s what he did. He told Wendy the entire story from start to finish; he didn’t leave out a thing. He told her how he felt when Jenny dropped his son off to him, he told her how he wanted to just run and never come back and then he told her how the last few days had changed his whole view of life and how he was ready to face up to his responsibilities and be a true father to Charles.

Wendy was gobsmacked.

‘It seems I have underestimated you Mr Bishop.’

Mike was silent.

‘You have been through hell and back in the past couple of weeks and have come through the other side. All I could think of was that you’d picked up a drug habit or worse.’

‘It is worse.’ Mike attempted a joke.

‘I’m sorry for doubting you Mike.’ She said. ‘Now I am actually surprised you’re in work today. Don’t you think you should take a few days holiday and get yourself fixed up?’

‘Nah, I’ve already thought of that but I need to work harder now I’ve got two mouths to feed – Oh and nappies to pay for, do you know how expensive they are and how quick a baby goes through them? I need all the commissions I can get.’

Wendy was nodding.

‘Plus the loan you gave me....’

‘Don’t worry about that for now, I’ll keep that between us for the moment.’

‘Thanks.’ Mike replied.

Wendy fell silent for a moment, deep in thought.

‘So are we good Wend?’ Mike asked.

‘Just one moment Mr Bishop. I may be able to help you a little further. You need a place to stay right?’

‘Yeeeah.’ Mike was cautious for some reason.

‘We’ve got a granny flat on the side of our house that I can offer you short term for reasonable rent. It’s not pretty but it’s close to work, safe and quite warm. It would do you for a while.’

Mike jumped at the offer.

‘That would be amazing. I, we’d love it. One question though... Why are you doing this for me?’

‘I have my reasons Mr Bishop, let’s leave it at that.’

Mike didn’t understand her cryptic answer but he also didn’t care. Today was turning out to be a great day.

Chapter 37

The move in to Wendy’s granny flat was quick, easy and cheap. Cheap because having the van saved the cost of hiring one, easy because Barry helped load the gear in the van saving on labour and time and quick because sadly everything that Mike owned fitted in the van and was moved in one trip.

‘New start and a new beginning.’ He said to his son as he plonked the last few of his clothes down on the bed and looked around his new pad. It was considerably smaller than the house in Grey Lynn but it was his and his alone – well his and Charles’s.

There was a knock at the door and Mike opened it to find Wendy standing there with a cup of tea. He invited her in.

‘As I said, it’s not much but it’s clean and warm.’ She said apologetically.

‘Are you kidding me, it’s amazing and I um, we, really can’t thank you enough.’

‘You’re welcome Mr Bishop. Now what else do you two need?’

‘Seriously nothing right now, well nothing that I can think of. I’ve got the jug to make Charles’s formula and there’s heaps of room in the shower for me to wash him. I’ll get him a cot with the next pay cheque and we should be pretty much sorted after that.’

‘You really have grown up Mr Bishop; I didn’t hear one thing on that list about you.’

Mike blushed a little when he realised Wendy was right.

‘Oh let me add a Ferrari to that list then.’ He smiled.

‘I think it’s going to be quite a while before you’ll get one of them Mr Bishop.’

‘Nah, I’ve got a plan Wend, find a girl with a rich daddy, marry her, job done.’

‘Not exactly a flawless scheme but it could work.’

‘I need to find one that likes a single father now. Or maybe I could find a cougar – hmmm how about you Wend?’

‘Now now Mr Bishop don’t be cheeky. Besides, I don’t think Ralph would be too keen on it.’

‘All joking aside, your husband is a lucky man Wend and I appreciate what you both are doing for us. We’ll be out of here as soon as we can, I promise.’

‘Stay here as long as you need Mr Bishop.’ Wendy said and bid them goodnight. ____________________

Aside from waking up in a new place Tuesday was pretty much a repeat of the day before. Charles went into day care until midday and Mike raced through as much of his deliveries as he could before going round to pick him up.

Unfortunately, racing through his workload meant that his – and the companies - usual outstanding customer care and interaction went completely out of the window – Mike was ALL business.

Even on the afternoon run with his son on board Mike failed to be his usual charming self. There were very few pleasantries; it was a case of in and out, wham bam - but not enough time for thank you – ma’am. __________________ After a stop off at the supermarket to get provisions Mike and Charles headed home. They were only in the flat about ten minutes before there was a knock at the door – it was Wendy.

‘Hi Mr Bishop, can I come in?’

‘Of course.’ Mike stood to one side and let her in. ‘Tea?’ Charles started to cry.

‘Thanks’ Wendy replied then went over and picked up Charles. Almost immediately the baby stopped crying.

‘You’re a natural.’ Mike said as he made the tea.

‘It’s been a while.’ She said then changed the subject. ‘Bit of a busy day for you today Mr Bishop.’

‘Yeah, I think my route went a bit crazy today, still I need the cash so it’s all good.’

‘That’s what I’m here about, unfortunately things aren’t all good.’

Mike’s stomach turned over with anxiety.

‘What do you mean? Is something wrong?’

‘We’ve had quite a few more complaints today that’s all. Deliveries and collections are essentially all on time but it’s your attitude out there, customers are saying that you’re a little short with them.’

‘What do they want, a courier service or a bloody therapist?’ Mike was both angry and defensive.

‘Calm down Mr Bishop, don’t take it to heart, you just need to learn the word balance.’

Mike was confused.

‘Balance.’ She repeated. ‘Leggit is not big enough to compete with the large courier companies on price so not only do they trust us to deliver on time but we need to be a familiar face, be their friends, so to speak – balance. Same goes with you, you’ve been a selfish bastard for god knows how long but now you’re only all about your son – commendable in many respects but you need to find balance.’

Mike was starting to get it.

‘You’re not alone in all this Mr Bishop, you have people that want to help you and authorities you can use. Take a step back and think about what is really needed for you and for your son. Here is a list of contacts that I think you could start with.’

She handed a sheet of paper over for him to look at.

Top of the list was the Police Missing person’s information.

‘I think that’s going to be the hardest one to work out and probably the least productive so you may as well get the ball rolling as soon as possible. If this girl Jenny doesn’t want to be found then there’s a fair chance she won’t. You know virtually nothing about her but her name and that’s if Jenny actually is her real name.’

Mike hadn’t even considered the thought that Jenny may not have been her real name but now, thanks to Wendy he had his doubts. She was a girl he met in a bar, he only got her first name and she had a slight Aussie accent – he had no chance of finding her.

‘But by getting involved with the police they may be able to help get more information on your son and in turn the mother. They can check with the department of internal affairs and maybe get lucky – he may have been registered under his first name, or it could all be a lie.’

Mike knew how much of a mission this would be.

‘He may have been born overseas, like Aus.’ He offered.

‘Which is why I’m suggesting you get someone in a government office to do this for you. It’s an impossible and time consuming task that right now you don’t need to do.’

Mike nodded.

Second on the list was Plunket.

‘You should get your son checked over, hearing, eyes and everything else they look at – make sure he’s fit and healthy and explore immunisation.’

‘Should I be taking notes?’ Mike joked but his head was spinning with information.

Next on the list was Inland Revenue Department.

‘You should be up for child benefit and tax credits. Either way it will ease some of your financial pain.’

Mike liked the sound of that, anything that gave him a few extra dollars right now would be a great help.

There were a variety of other things on the list, like baby stores and basic medical products that Wendy thought that Mike should have handy.

‘This is one hell of a list.’ He said letting out a sigh.

‘Being a father is one hell of a job Mr Bishop.’ She laughed and drank her tea.

Chapter 38

If Mike thought that his life was one big juggling act before, it was nothing to how the rest of the week panned out.

The day started out badly with the head of the day care centre asking if she could ‘have a word.’

‘As we have told you before, unfortunately we can’t have your son in our facility until we can take a copy of Charles’s well child book. We have a lot of children here and we need to ensure that they are all protected. Since you still haven’t brought it in we have no option but to terminate our service until you show it to us.’

Mike couldn’t argue, shoe on the other foot, he’d have done the same.

‘Fair enough, I’ll bring it and Charles back in next week. Thanks and I appreciate your help.’

So it was back to daddy van day care for his son. _____________________ The pile of delivery’s that greeted Mike when he arrived at the depot was breathtaking.

‘Holy crap, that’s not all going to fit in here.’ Mike said.

‘Where there’s a will there’s a way.’ Big Hoss chuckled and started to load the van.

‘Oh you’ve got a passenger with you today.’ He said looking in the cab.

‘Yeah, I need a wellness book or something like that. No idea where to get one but that’ll have to wait till tonight.’

‘Plunket brother – they’ll fix you up.’

‘You’re a true font of knowledge; I think I’ll add you as my phone a friend.’

‘I’m more than just a pretty face brother!’

Mike made a mental note to get an appointment with Plunket as soon as possible.’

He finished loading the van and headed off. ___________________ The huge workload was hindered by the unusually high need for his customers to talk and share with him today.

Today of all days would have been a perfect time to continue down his current line of being all business but with the word ‘balance’ from Wendy still ringing around his head – Mike stayed, listened, smiled and nodded. It made him behind, very behind.

In between calls he tried to get through to Inland Revenue Department, in reality it was much easier than he thought it would be and they were incredibly helpful. Despite him having a ridiculously small amount of information about his son they seemed happy to help saying they’d get the forms out to him by post – he made another mental note to try and get a computer and back online – using his Smartphone was becoming tiresome and had many short comings.

The call to Plunket was awful by comparison. Mike explained his situation - a single father and having a baby dumped on him, a baby without a birth date and no way of contacting his mother – none of this seemed to fit their modus operandi and Mike got the feeling as he was telling them his story that they thought it was some kind of crank call or wind up. After retelling his story and predicament three times they finally agreed to booking them in for an appointment on Friday. ________________ Phone calls, baby feeding, deliveries, nappy changing, customer counselling and traffic all combined to making Mikes eight hour day twelve. At one point he had to change his route to make sure that he picked up and delivered at all the business addresses before they closed which, although successful, meant that he added at least one hundred extra kilometres to his route but worse still an extra hour and a half.

He arrived home exhausted and famished.

After a quick shower for both of them and two minute noodles for Mike and formula for Charles, Mike burped and settled his son before collapsing on his bed and closing his eyes.

A knock at the door shook him back into consciousness – as was becoming usual, it was Wendy.

‘Sorry Mr Bishop but I wanted to give you a heads up. Ernie came back from Nelson today and he’s not happy. It looks like he’s been talked into buying an overpriced place in Nelson by Elizabeth, she told him it’s a holiday place but he thinks it’s more like retirement home. But more importantly someone on your route has complained straight to him about you, your service and your lack of professionalism taking a baby around with you.’

‘Crap.’ Mike sank down on his bed.

‘Well put. In my opinion he’s more upset about the house than you - he thinks the world of you – but with all that’s been going on recently he needs to haul you in the office and set you right.’

‘Did you tell him about Charles?’

‘Not my place to do that Mr Bishop – that’s between you and your boss. My advice, if you want it, would be to get in early tomorrow before he arrives and stay out for the day. If you can keep your head down and out of the way on Friday too then I think it’ll all blow over by the weekend.’

Mike agreed with her.

‘Good advice, thanks. Damn trout pout’s spending all his money and we’re feeling the after effects.’

‘Well put again Mr Bishop.’ She laughed.

Chapter 39

Heeding Wendy’s advice, Mike and his son were up and out of the house a fraction before 7am. Traffic was kind so they arrived at the depot around twenty minutes later.

Big Hoss’s car was already there and unfortunately so was Ernie’s.

Mike slipped his van round the back of the building and crossed his fingers that Ernie hadn’t seen him arrive. He quietly rapped on the steel doors and whispered for Big Hoss to open up. The giant doors swung open and there stood a scowling faced Ernie.

‘You’re in early.’ He said as he walked to the driver’s side door.

‘Yeah busy day yesterday so wanted to get a head....’

‘So it’s true.’ Ernie interrupted pointing at the baby.

Mike fell silent and embarrassed.

‘Park up and let’s have a talk in my office.’

Mike did as he was told and both he and his son followed Ernie in to the main building. __________________ ‘Take a seat Mike.’ Ernie said and ushered him into the chair in front of his desk.

Mike put Charles on the floor beside the chair and sat down. He thought about congratulating Ernie on his new house in Nelson but as he remembered Wendy saying how unhappy he was about it and the potential for Ernie to realise that Wendy was his ally he quickly thought better of it and stayed silent.

‘First of all, I have to say that you’ve been a good employee for Leggit’s over the years and you’ve really bought into the team and family culture of the place.’

Butterflies built in Mike’s stomach as he listened to the past tense theme of the conversation.

‘You’ve been great with customers, and a lot of fun around the place. Your deliveries have been on time and I have to say I’ve enjoyed hearing your exploits at the BBQ’s. But.’ Here we go; I’m a gonner Mike thought.

‘I have been hearing no end of complaints about you over the past few weeks. You’ve been looking like crap, been abrupt to the point of rudeness to the customers and then I hear you’ve been taking a baby to work with you. Now the fact of you being rude and abrupt was hard to swallow, I was sure that they were talking about someone else but when they said you had a baby with you I thought they were taking the piss. There was no way it was you! So first up I checked on your scan details.’

He swung his computer monitor round towards Mike and joined him that side of the desk.

‘It was you alright and I have to say that looking at these results you have been bloody slack,’ He pointed at the spreadsheet and in particular the big line of red indicating failure to hit on time delivery.

‘In the past couple of weeks your on time percentage is only 20%! That’s abysmal.’

Mike opened his mouth to speak and again thought better of it.

‘Then added to the poor performance the out of character rudeness, I thought you’d turned bi-polar. It didn’t make sense, but the baby? That was the thing that really had me mystified.’

He paused and looked at the two of them.

‘Do you want to tell me what’s been going on?’

Mike considered his options and knew he was out of them. He took a deep breath and began.

‘You remember the one night stand I was talking about?’

‘Which one?’

‘Nearly a year ago. The one that you gave me the amazing advice on – get over it and stop acting like a girl – I think were your exact words.’

Ernie thought for a moment ‘The female version of you?’

‘Yep, that’s her. Well she turned up a few weeks ago with a special delivery – my son Charles.’

Mike pointed at the baby beside him.

‘Shit.’ Ernie sighed ‘That’s what everyone says.’ Mike smiled. ‘She basically dumped him on me and scarpered.’

‘How do you know it’s yours?’

‘DNA testing, he’s 99.9999999 percent mine.’

Ernie leant on his desk as Mike continued.

‘I’m sorry that Leggit’s have been dragged into this but I’ve been trying my best to juggle everything and still keep an income. I’ve got a meeting tomorrow with Plunket, maybe they can help and Inland Revenue have been the shock surprise so far, really helpful and understanding.’

Charles whimpered a little then went back to sleep.

‘So I’ve had to change my get rich scheme. I’m now in desperate need of a not only a rich girl or a girl with a rich daddy but one that is happy to date a single dad.’ He joked.

Ernie considered the information.

‘That’s a lot to take on. What a selfish bitch to dump her kid on you and take off.’

‘Yeah, I don’t get it, but she must have her reasons.’

‘They’d have to be bloody good ones, is all I have to say.’

They both fell silent for a while.

‘So how can we help?’ Ernie finally asked.

‘Just don’t fire me.’ Mike laughed but he was serious.

‘There was never a chance of that Mike, I just needed to know what was going on. And I want to thank you for your honesty in telling me everything that has been happening.’

‘Yeah I’m sorry again about the complaints.’

‘The hell with that, miserable bastards should be more understanding.’

Again Ernie went silent as he thought about what to do.

‘How about we change your job around a little?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I mean, we can shorten your route and give you some hours in the office, like in customer service. The pay is better and less bonus orientated. But you can top up your earnings though local express runs.’

Mike was astounded, he thought he was going to get fired and now he was essentially getting a raise.

‘That would be awesome – thanks so much Ern.’ He jumped up and shook his bosses hand hard.

As he shook it his attention was taken up by Ernie’s computer monitor. The spreadsheet had gone and the screen was now filled with the screensaver photo, a family photo, a photo of Ernie, his wife Elizabeth and what Mike therefore assumed was their daughter. Mike stared harder at the girl’s image, he couldn’t believe his eyes, Ernie’s daughter was Jenny.

Ernie followed Mikes gaze to his monitor and the family picture, Mike’s comment about finding a girl with a rich dad flashed through his mind – he liked Mike but there was no way he would allow his little princess to be involved with a poor, womanising, single father, courier diver.

‘Don’t even think about it Bishop.’ He said sternly without a hint of a smile on his face.

Chapter 40

Mike was silent, lost in thought, as he and Big Hoss loaded his van.

Big Hoss had asked him how it had gone with Ernie and Mike had unintentionally ignored him, he just carried on putting packages into his van and focussing on the Leggit family image in his mind’s eye.

Shortly after, he was on the road to his first job, he thought he said goodbye to Big Hoss but he truly couldn’t confirm if he did or not - all he knew, was that his boss’s daughter was the mother of his son.

But was he sure?

The rest of the morning was a blur as he processed the information he had received in Ernie’s office. Why didn’t Ernie fire him and moreover, why did he virtually promote him? Did he know that his daughter was the mother? If so, why didn’t he let on and why was he so adamant that she was out of the question? He must be wrong, what were the chances that Jenny was Ernie’s daughter? After all it was just a photo on a screen. The unanswered questions just kept coming. Why didn’t he say something to Ernie? If that was Jenny, where is she now? Why did she leave him with Charles?

Mike started to think back to their night together and more specifically the morning after. Jenny spotting the uniform and then the subsequent conversation about him being a courier driver for Leggit’s. Did she run out because he was a courier driver or because he was a driver for Leggit’s? Or was it some other reason?

His head was throbbing.

There was only one way to find out all the answers of course – he had to meet and talk with her.

But first he’d have to do some more research into Ernie’s family photo – it was time for Mike the courier to be Mike the detective.

Chapter 41

Plunket was a blast. Mike was so unprepared for the appointment but in retrospect how could he possibly plan for such a meeting. To some people the Plunket nurses attitude could be described as professional or a defender of baby and child welfare but to Mike, she was quite simply a bitch.

She looked Mike up and down and he could tell she took an instant dislike to him. Her questions were both probing – how was he coping with the baby’s health and growth? And essentially irrelevant – what happened between him and the birth mother? Which came across more like, what had he done to the baby’s mother?

Mike answered all the questions as best he could, after all it wouldn’t have helped his cause to be argumentative – but when she kept going back to asking about Jenny he really started to lose his cool.

‘Look, I told you. She was a one night stand that I didn’t find out too much about. We did it then she didn’t call again.’ Mike was doing descriptive hand movements based around fingers going in and out of holes, he knew he was being crude but couldn’t stop himself.

‘Maybe I was a crap lay.’ He said.

‘Anyway, nine or so months later she turned back up at my door and gave me Charles. Then she disappeared again. I have no idea who she is, what she is, why she went or where she went. She certainly isn’t buried in my back yard if that’s what you’re asking.’ Mike knew he was potentially lying – about him not knowing who she was rather than her being buried in his back yard.

The nurse took exception to Mike’s tone and comments and of course his hand movements.

‘Why I have never been so insulted in my life. You need to know that our only concerns are with the baby, your son.

You come in here with a piece of paper claiming to be the baby’s father, you have no other paperwork, not even a birth certificate and you expect me to just ask easy questions? Do you have any idea how many babies get abducted or removed from homes each year? Or how many babies come through our doors that are abused or the spouses are assaulted? For some, if not most babies we are their first line of defence. We can see if they are lacking in nutrition, we can see if they have learning or growth difficulties. But rest assured we look for unusual marks and bruising. But we also look at the parents too. It’s our job to help find out if you’re unfit to be a father and we write our recommendations accordingly. Despite your attempt at a joke, you may very well have your son’s mother buried in your back yard for all I know and one call from me would result in your entire life being examined – now is that something you’d like me to arrange Mr Bishop?’

The nurse’s hand was moving towards the phone.

Mike was beaten. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘I know I’ve been a bit of a dick but you need to know that I am way out of my depth and I have very little support.

I’ve been thrown in the deep-end of fatherhood and I’m trying my hardest not to sink and more importantly not to drag my son down with me.’

He sank down in his seat as he spoke.

‘I really have no idea how to start the ball rolling with his life until I find out when his life actually started. I need his date of birth and I need someone to help me find it. I can only assume he was born here in New Zealand but he may have been born in Australia or anywhere else for that matter. Jenny – if that’s her name – could have kept his passport too.’

Mike could see the nurse starting to get Mike’s side of the story – finally. She opened a draw and pulled out a wellness book.

‘Let’s start filling out this book as best we can, then I’ll check your son over and then we’ll get him an appointment with a doctor to get him immunised, you do want him immunised?’

A conversation about the pro’s and con’s of immunisation followed.

By the time Mike had finished with the nurse, he had a new lease of life on how to proceed with his son’s future.

Charles was in good health and growing well. His hearing and sight was good and all physical responses were great.

It was way too soon for speech but he passed his crying response with flying colours.

The nurse got him enrolled with a local doctor and scheduled immunisation jabs. Subsidised Day care was arranged and the nurse even put a call into the police to work on a birth date but this was one area that Mike was intending to work on himself.

With the baby all sorted Mike had a clear mind to focus on one thing – finding Jenny.

Chapter 42

The weekend went well, Charles seemed to be content in their new house and was sleeping a little better, although his smoother night’s sleep was probably more to do with the bassinette that Mike managed to find and buy off trade me. It was a quaint thing with lots of frills, but the baby obviously liked it, either way it was certainly better than Mike’s bed or the baby seat.

Mike bought a couple of business shirts ready for his first day in the office and even managed to put together a reasonably nutritional Sunday meal.

He had just finished washing the dishes and relaxed on the bed when there was a knock at the door. Begrudgingly he heaved himself off the couch and answered the door.

‘Hello Mr Bishop, I thought I’d leave you alone for a bit, give you a few days to settle in.’ It was Wendy.

‘But I found this and I thought you might like it.’ She pointed to a thirty two inch screen beside the door.

‘A TV, awesome.’ Mike said and invited her in.

He put the jug on and Wendy sat down on a creaky chair.

‘I’ll see what I can do about getting you another one of these.’ She said as she wobbled on the seat.

‘You’ve done heaps Wend, no need. Did you see the new bassinette I picked up for Charles.’

‘Nice, looks good, very you.’ She laughed.

‘I was thinking of making a shirt out of the frills once he grows out of it, sort of pirate look.’ He joked.

‘I didn’t know you could sew Mr Bishop.’

‘A hidden talent, I don’t let many people know.’ He lied and handed her a tea.

‘How did the Plunket meeting go?’

‘Started off badly but turned out pretty well.’ Mike went on to tell her all about it.

‘Sounds like you’re making progress.’

‘I think so, just need to charm my new boss tomorrow and I’ll be sorted.’ He smiled.

‘I wouldn’t count on that; I hear she’s a bit of a task master.’

‘I’m sure I can win her over.’

They both went silent for a moment, Mike was thinking of the best way to bring up Jenny.

‘How big is Ernie’s retirement home?’ He started.

Wendy paused for a beat.

‘He’s being a bit cagey about it, but I think it’s fairly large, plus it’s got amazing views. Elizabeth came in and told us about it when Ernie was out for lunch. Why do you ask, this place not big enough for you?’

‘Ha ha, no just wondered. Thought it would be fairly small as there’s only the two of them...’

‘You could be right, but I would say that their daughter would stay there when she comes back from overseas.’

Mike’s ruse was working.

‘Oh yeah, I forgot he had a daughter, I keep forgetting her name.’

‘Genevieve. And best you did. There’s no way he’d let you near his precious princess.’

Mike was listening but not hearing, his mind was on Ernie’s daughter’s name – Genevieve, surely she’d shorten that to Gen, Geni or Jenny. He was getting closer, the pieces were fitting together – it had to be her.

‘Mr Bishop?’

‘Huh?’ ‘I said is there anything you wanted to go over for tomorrow?’

‘Nah, I pretty much figured that I’d wing it.’ He smiled.

‘There’s no winging it under my watch Mr Bishop. You’d better be on your best behaviour.’

‘I will Wend, I will.’

Chapter 43

‘You scrub up ok Mike.’ Ernie said as he peered over the cubicle wall.

‘Dressed to impress like you Ernie.’ Mike joked, knowing that he would be dressed in his patented shorts and boots.

‘Cheeky git. How’s he getting on Wendy? Should I demote him to office cleaner?’

‘Too early to say right now Ernie but if he doesn’t get back to work now I’ll order a duster for him.’

There were laughs all around but Mike had other things on his mind, he needed to get back into Ernie’s office to get a closer look at the photo on the screen.

‘I’d get lost if I cleaned up your office Ern, state it’s in. I don’t think I’m insured for that type of mission but for a fee and I mean a BIG fee I’d have a crack at it.’

‘I wouldn’t want you anywhere near my unique filing system, I know where everything is – it’s on my desk!’

Road block Mike thought ‘Unique is one way to describe it.’ Mike joked and his phone rang, it was a customer query, damn back to work.

As lunch time came around Mike took the opportunity to duck into Ernie’s office and see if he wanted a sandwich.

All the while as he spoke, Mike had covertly tried to get round to Ernie’s side of the desk in an attempt to look at the screen but he ended up getting a strange look from his boss. Ernie eventually told him to stop trying to suck up and get lost.

Mike ducked out of the office and grabbed a snack and a coffee from the Tiny Turtle, he took it back to the office in the hope that Ernie would at some point leave his den.

The next time Ernie left his room, Mike’s heart beat a little faster and he started to itch around in his seat, he had no idea where he had gone or for how long but at least he was out of the room.

‘Do you need the bathroom Mr Bishop?’ Wendy asked looking over.

‘No, I um, I’m just not used to sitting down all day.’ Mike was lying but there was a hint of truth there.

Ernie returned.

About half an hour later Ernie was out of his office again and this time he’d picked up his jacket.

‘Leaving early boss?’ Mike joked but he was keen for an answer.

‘Do you want a job as my secretary Mike? Cleaning, filing, and now keeping my appointments – I’m starting to worry about you.’

That had the whole office laughing at him.

‘So long as I don’t have to wear a skirt!’

‘Not with those legs.’ Ernie shot back.

‘I’ll see you all tomorrow guys, oh and Mike, coffee two sugars.’

Again, laughter bounced around the office.

Mike took it all in good spirit but his mind was already working out how to get in his bosses office without raising any suspicion.

He thought about taking some reports in there but there was nothing relevant. Think, think - nothing. The problem was twofold, Ernie’s office was too close to the main area for him to sneak in unnoticed and it was too far to just be passing by, he had to find a reason.

He finally got a brain wave and went up to speak to Wendy.

‘I need to make a private call about Charles, do you mind if I go and use Ernie’s phone?’ he said quietly.

‘Sure, but don’t mess with his filing system.’ She laughed.

Mike thanked her and almost skipped over to the office. Once inside he closed the door behind him and went over to the desk. Ernie’s computer was off so Mike picked up the phone with one hand and flicked the computer on with his other. He faked a call and waited while the computer booted up.

It didn’t take long for the family photo to fill the screen and again he was mesmerised by the image – this time there was no doubt, Jenny was Genevieve Leggit and Genevieve Leggit was aka Jenny, Charles’s mother.

Chapter 44

It was a restless night for Mike, filled with uncertainty and indecision. After switching off Ernie’s computer the image of the family and in particular Genevieve remained burned into his mind.

Now he was sure it was Jenny, what was he going to do? How would he find her? He had finished up work for the day in an almost zombie like state and picked up Charles from the new day care facility without asking how he had been.

Now, as he tossed and turned in his bed he so desperately needed answers, answers that only one person could supply – Genevieve Leggit.

The next morning he was up early and ready to face the world but more importantly ready to find out where Charles mother was. Somewhere in the back of his mind he remembered Ernie saying that his daughter was overseas but he was sure Ernie didn’t say where. Overseas was a problem both financially and logistically. Even if she was in Sydney, the airfare alone was currently out of Mike’s reach and to take Charles would be impossible – for one, without a birth date there was no way of getting a passport.

He thought that maybe the Plunket nurse could help, maybe she could get the cops involved, maybe there was a special fare for reuniting families. He dismissed this line of thought for way too many reasons. Maybe he could talk to Ernie – Hi Ernie, could you please tell me where your daughter is, I need to give her son, your grandson back to her, oh and could you please spot me the airfare. He could see that going down very well.

He shook his mind clear of all unfounded eventualities, the first thing he needed to know was where she was right now, he would be able to sort things out from there – hopefully.

He packed Charles pink holdall and set off for the day care facility. He was way too early for work so he took the time to ensure that his son was comfortable and settled, he even had a chat with a couple of the caregivers to get a feel for what they did but as the clock headed towards eight Mike headed off towards the office. ________________________ Mike was even antsier in his seat today than the day before, every time the main office door opened Mike would stand up and stretch his legs and every time he saw it wasn’t Ernie he’d sit back down.

‘Is this some new kind of office workout Mr Bishop?’ Wendy asked.

‘Ha ha, no I just keep on getting cramp in my leg this morning.’ Mike lied.

‘Well it’s annoying, go get a drink of water or a coffee or something, walk it off.’

Mike took her advice and went off to the kitchen.

He had no idea what he was going to say to Ernie when he came in, he just knew that he didn’t, in fact couldn’t, waste anymore time in getting Charles back with Jenny, a baby needed a mother far more than a father, he of all people knew that for sure. But the frustration of Ernie not being in early as usual was driving him crazy.

Maybe he’s had an accident, or worse a heart attack. How would I get to Jenny then? I could see her at the funeral but not the best place to give her son back to her there. He may have gone on holiday again? How long for? Could he get hold of him on holiday?

His mind was tying him up in knots.

‘Morning everyone’ came the chirpy sound of Ernie’s voice.

Mike let out an audible sound of relief, thankfully he was alone on the kitchen and no-one heard, it would have been embarrassing, especially after the banter from the day before.

The banter from the day before rattled around Mike’s mind and he quickly made Ernie a coffee.

‘There you go sir, two sugars if I remember.’ Mike said and put the coffee mug down on Ernie’s desk.

‘Thank god you didn’t wear the skirt. Ahhh, that’s a good coffee.’ Ernie said, picking up the mug taking a big sip.

‘You’re in so late it almost went cold.’ Mike was hamming up the role of a secretary.

‘That will be all for today Miss Bishop.’ Wendy interrupted. ‘You have customers to attend to.’

Mike got the message and moved slowly back towards his cubicle.

‘Thought you were sick or something, everything ok?’ Mike overheard Wendy asking Ernie.

‘Couldn’t be better, Genevieve is back from Australia, picked her up from the airport last night, and then dropped her and Elizabeth off at the airport this morning, they’re off to the new house in Nelson for a bit of R&R. Immediate possession and they threw in the furniture!’

Mike’s feet skidded to a halt as he listened further.

‘That’s great, how long is she here for?’

‘She said a week but it could be a couple, I’ll go down and spend some time with them at the retirement home this weekend.’

Mike immediately knew he had to get to Nelson and get there quick.

Chapter 45

Lunch time rolled around surprisingly fast and Mike was a man on a mission, he was waiting patiently for Ernie to go for a coffee then he would spring.

At just before 1pm and with Mike’s tummy rumbling Ernie came out of his office and headed for the kitchen, Mike took and moment and then followed.

‘Hey Ern, I just want to thank you again for giving me the chance to work in the office, I think it’s working out well.’

‘Wendy seems happy with you and if she’s happy then I’m ecstatic. How’s the home life and by that of course I mean how are you coping with the baby?’

‘It’s getting better every day, Plunket are really helping and things are getting more and normal – whatever that means.’

‘It’s a big deal to be a father, it really is. Tough, frustrating, and sometimes almost unbearable but it’s also a privilege and something you need to man up to. You’ll do just fine but always keep an eye on the future. I guess you’ve already realised that you can’t live hand to mouth any more, you have responsibilities.’

‘I will, and thanks for the advice, I need all the help I can get right now.’ Mike thought for a moment.

‘Speaking of keeping an eye on the future, how would you feel about maybe taking me under your wing and teaching me about the workings of the company – a sort of management trainee?’

‘Don’t get ahead of yourself; you’ve only been in the office a day and a half.’

‘Yeah but I reckon I’ve got a knack for it.’

‘Oh you do, do you?’

‘Maybe when you retire I could run the business for you?’

Ernie went silent and Mike wondered if he shouldn’t have used the word retirement.

‘There’s been a lot of chat about me retiring.’ Ernie mused.

‘Don’t think I’m ready for it yet, despite what my wife says.’

‘I wasn’t thinking right now boss. Who would do the BBQ?’ Mike tried to get a conversation going again but Ernie was off into one.

‘I hear that many guys retire then immediately kick the bucket, lack of work is a killer – so I’m thinking I may never retire.’ Luckily Mike didn’t interrupt.

‘Did you hear that we’ve just bought a place in Nelson? Elizabeth says it’s a holiday bach but all I can think of is retirement home.’

Mike took his cue.

‘If I know your wife she’s not ready to retire to the country yet. But I’m happy to offer a second opinion. Do you have a pic?’

‘Yep, wait here I’ll get you the real estate flyer.’

Ernie returned to the kitchen with the flyer.

‘Are you kidding me, this place look’s amazing and look where it’s located right near the vineyards, I reckon you guys will be pissed all the time. That’s not retirement, that’s party central.’

Ernie took the flyer back and had another look.

‘You could be right Mike, maybe I’ve been looking at this all wrong.’

‘Just make sure you invite us all for a team building session there, or maybe just the local vineyard.’ Mike joked but had mentally taken note of the address. _________________________ After grabbing a pie from the cafe Mike returned to his office cubicle and chowed down. The phone rang as soon as he had a mouthful of steak and cheese and Mike offloaded the mushy contents into one hand a picked up the phone in the other.

The customer on the other end of the phone was complaining that his package hadn’t been collected and it was urgently needed in Palmerston North. Mike listened as the customer rambled on about compensation and changing companies but his mind was on Genevieve and Nelson.

Even with airline specials, a flight to Nelson might just as well be a flight to Sydney for the cost plus he needed to get down there as soon as possible, which would probably mean either no availability or pay through the nose.

Driving down there would be equally as expensive and then he’d have to have the time off, which would be nigh on impossible with his new role.

‘Are you still there?’ The voice on the other end of the phone interrupted his thoughts.

‘Sorry, yes, I um was just thinking about how to resolve this issue for you. Let me see how our national transit couriers are fixed and see how we can get this picked up today for you. Give me about fifteen minutes and I’ll call you back.’ Mike said and rang off.

‘Hey Wendy, how are the A team doing?’ Mike was talking about their national drivers.

He explained the customer’s situation to her in the hope that one of the national guys could be redirected.

Then it suddenly occurred to him – maybe he could do it, it would certainly get him closer to Nelson.

‘Hey Wend, I was thinking, this is an important client right?’

Wendy nodded.

‘How about I do it?’

‘You?’ ‘Yes me, I could really do with the cash and maybe there’s a few more collections or deliveries I can do after it.

Maybe I could do a quick New Zealand tour, clock up the miles and clock up the cash.’ He feigned a notion popping into his head.

‘Wait a minute, I have an aunt down in the south island, maybe you can see if there’s some jobs I can do to get me over the water. It would be great to show her Charles’ Wendy considered the proposal for a moment before checking the roster.

‘You have only been in the office a couple of days and now you want to tour the country? Maybe this inside work isn’t for you after all Mr Bishop.’ Mike couldn’t work out if she was serious or not.

‘Don’t be like that Wend, I’m just trying to make sure that the customer gets the top of the line Leggit service.’

Wendy went back to looking at the roster for a couple of minutes.

‘OK, call them back and say you’ll be round soon to do a pick up.’

Chapter 46

Mike picked up the urgent package then went round and picked up his son. He told the care facility that he’d be away for a couple of days and would have him back there after the weekend, although he had no idea how it would go with Jenny so he wasn’t sure if he was telling the truth.

He whizzed home and grabbed a few changes of clothes for both of them and loaded the mattress off his bed into the back of the van, finances dictated that there would be no hotel or motel stay.

Once locked and loaded he hit the Southern Motorway it was 7pm.

He chose to stick to the main roads and target the main cities, first stop was Hamilton and both he - and by all the crying – Charles, were famished. The bright colours of Burger King were a welcoming sight and Mike pulled into the car park and fed and changed Charles before going in and ordering a whopper meal.

By 9pm they were back on the road and headed for Taupo.

There wasn’t much of the beautiful New Zealand countryside to see in the dark and the headlights from the oncoming traffic were beginning to hurt his eyes. He decided to bed down for the night at Taupo but almost missed the turnoff.

‘Bloody new roundabouts.’ He mumbled as he yanked hard on the wheel to make the turn.

‘There you go son, a room with a Lakeside view.’ He yawned as he spoke to Charles.

The car park next to the lake was fine for the night, Mike was certain that they wouldn’t be disturbed. He flicked on the vans internal light and moved the baby seat into the main part of the van. He unhooked him from the seat and laid the baby out on the mattress, changed his nappy and then they both bedded down for the night. _____________________ Mike woke to one of the most rancid smells he had ever had the misfortune to encounter in his life. There were no surprises as to where it was coming from – after all, they were nowhere near Rotorua. Mike yawned and sat up to see the damage.

‘Oh my god, sorry son.’ Charles’s nappy had managed to come loose during the night and apparently so had Charles’s ass. Poo had managed to cover the baby’s entire body and hair. His clothes were a nasty watery brown colour and the whole mess had seeped into the bedclothes but thankfully not the mattress.

Mike had become used to the mess that oozed from Charles’s every orifice but this was a particularly awful sight.

He was stumped at what to do and how to clean it up.

He picked up a couple of towels and took them and the baby to the public toilets. Charles fitted snugly into the stainless steel hand basin and Mike did his best to juggle waving his hand in front of the tap sensor, pump out the soap from the dispenser and tug out the paper towels all while keeping his son safe.

One full trash can later – Charles was clean.

Mike gave himself a quick freshen up and then they both returned to the van.

The thought of cleaning the baby’s clothes and the sheets made Mike shudder, he decided to just dump them and get some new ones once the stores opened. So with an hour or so to kill he went to the Golden Arches for breakfast.

A fraction after 9am Mike took his son on a shopping spree, he found a baby clothing store in the central area and set about getting him some new outfits.

The first thing he saw was an all in one piece that looked like a brown teddy bear, complete with a hood that sported a couple of ears.

‘Sorry kid but this one is a definite must have.’ Mike said and tucked the outfit under his arm. This was followed by a blue romper suit and a kind of fluffy sleeping bag for tots, it had a zip up front and a built in pillow.

‘You’re gonna be snug as a bug in rug in this thing.’ He said and Charles seemed to agree, a big grin came across his face.

Mittens, a hat and some tiny boots were added to the small pile of clothes accumulating under Mike’s arms and he decided to grab a basket, this was obviously going to take a while.

Rattles and toys were next, the bright colours and shapes were like a crazy acid trip. Mike squeezed, poked, shook and squeaked everything he could lay his hands on, much to the delight of his son. Nursery rhymes and tunes were next to be let off and with the added parps and sirens from some of the toys for older kids Mike was soon getting the attention of all the shoppers and staff, the cacophony of noise was terrible. But he really didn’t care, Charles was loving it. His arms and legs were waving and he was all smiles and bubbles. Mike picked up a toy plane and began to fly it past his sons face complete with propeller noises and it didn’t take long for one of the staff members to come over – Mike hardly noticed.

‘You’re having fun.’ She said.

‘Yeah, but I think he’s having more.’ Mike replied not taking his attention off his son.

‘He’s a cutey.’

‘Right now he is.’ Mike continued to play.

‘He’s definitely got your smile.’ She said as she looked at the baby.

Mike took a moment to look at Charles’s mouth, she was right. It was the first time he’d noticed his smile but in truth it was about the first time he’d really had any fun time with him.

‘He does doesn’t he.’

‘Let me know if you need any help.’

‘Thanks, we’re about done here now anyway.’ Mike chose a couple of toys and put them in the basket with the clothes.

‘Shall I take them for you?’

‘Please.’ Mike said and followed her up to the counter.

Then it was a quick stop to the Warehouse to get some cheap sheets – the back of his van still stank but he figured it would pass over time. He would certainly have to drive with the windows open.

Chapter 47

Back at the van Mike changed his son into the bear suit and laughed out loud at how cute he looked. Charles didn’t look impressed, so Mike gave him the rattle and strapped him in the car seat tightly before hitting the road for Palmerston North.

The trip to the Palmy went smoothly and Mike delivered the package at lunchtime – client happy, job done.

Mike found a local cafe he could park his van outside and he and his son went in for a coffee – Mike having the coffee, not the baby.

It didn’t take long for the two of them to gain the attention of a couple of the local girls and Mike was lapping it up.

‘He’s sooo cute, what’s his name.’ The blonde said.

‘Charles.’

‘Oh how very posh. Hello Charles, how cute are you, how cute are you, QTQTQTQTQTQT.’ Charles smiled and waved his arms, Mike watched on with a big smile across his face too.

‘Who’s a baby bear, baby bear rooaaaar.’ The Brunette joined in.

‘You two are great with him.’ Mike said ‘He really likes you both.’ And so do I Mike thought He knew he didn’t have time but it had been quite a while since he’d flirted with anyone.

‘You two local Palmesterians?’

‘Palmester what’s?’ they understood the joke ‘Are you from around here?’

‘Yeah, Palmy for life.’ They joked.

‘Looks like a fun place.’

‘You’re not from around here then, that’s for sure.’

‘Guilty as charged and unfortunately not here for long either.’ Mike noticed that the brunette was taking a good interest in him.

‘Shame, we could have shown you around.’

‘Sheryl.’ The blonde teasingly hit her friend.

‘What? I’m just being friendly to new faces.’

They both chuckled.

‘I’d love to be shown around town by you gorgeous girls but we need to move on to Wellington.’

‘Ohhh off to the BIG city.’ The ribbed.

‘Yeah, work, work, work. Maybe another time? Can I get your number?’

The brunette was quick to say yes.

They said goodbye and left Mike and Charles alone in the cafe.

‘Yeah, still got it.’ Mike said to his son, Charles grimaced a little.

‘Ok, you helped a bit.’ Then Clarles’s grimace turned to a smile and the tell tale smell wafted up – nappy change time. ____________________ The next pick up on the roster was in Fielding, only a twenty minute trek so Mike made sure that his son was fed and watered and hit the road, the package was to be taken to Wellington and Mike wanted to get there before rush hour.

It was another relatively trouble free trip down the coast road and Mike dropped off the second delivery in Lambton Quay a fraction before five. The quick drop off was then followed by a mad dash to pick up the package due for Christchurch the other end of the CBD, thankfully Mike made it.

With his van loaded Mike let out a sigh of relief, he had several hours to kill before the 2.40 am ferry to Picton so it was going to give him a good chance to make sure that Charles was fully settled and happy and maybe they could both get a well deserved snooze.

He drove to the central city supermarket and stocked up on some basic food items for them both and some nappies for Charles he also picked up some more wipes and paper towels, after the night in Taupo he wasn’t about to get caught again.

They drove round Oriental parade a little and parked in a slot looking out to the bay, Mike fed and changed his son, made a ham and cheese sandwich for himself and once finished, set his phone alarm for 1.30am. Then closed his eyes to sleep. ________________ The cricket’s ringtone startled him out of his slumber, Mike felt like he had only just closed his eyes but sure enough the time on the screen read 1.30am. He stretched and yawned then checked on Charles – all was good, no leakage.

He carefully moved his son into the car seat and strapped in into the passenger side of the cab, proud of how easy he was managing this task even in the dark. Then he set off for the ferry terminal.

He joined the line of cars waiting for the ferry to arrive and it didn’t take long for the big ship to pull in and dock, Mike checked his watch, looked like it was all running to schedule.

The marshals seemed incredibly proficient at their jobs and soon Mike’s van was parked securely in the belly of the ferry, and just in time because Charles had woken up and Charles was grumpy.

‘It’s alright little guy, we’re just going on a short overseas trip, we’re going to see your mum, won’t that be fun.’

Charles’s cry moved up a few octaves to a borderline bawl.

‘Guess not then.’ Mike joked and poked the teat of the bottle into the hungry mouth of his son.

Crisis over.

One of the marshals came over to see why Mike hadn’t got out of his van and saw what was going on, Mike held up his hand and gesture five minutes, the marshal nodded and moved on.

Out of the van, Mike stretched and looked around. It was cold and smelt of diesel and petrol fumes, heavy machinery bangs and grinds made Mike shiver a bit and he thought it was best to make a hasty move to the warmer upper deck. He weaved the baby and car seat through the parked cars to the heavy metal internal door, four flights of stairs later and Mike was up in the ships canteen. He ordered a thick black coffee and found a seat facing the city.

As the ferry pulled out of the dock Mike wistfully admired the beauty of the illuminated city, there was something about towns and cities that were built near bodies of water that made them quite stunning.

He felt the whole ship gently vibrate and rock and as it pulled off the dockside he relaxed in his seat.

Next stop, South Island.

Chapter 48

In his semi conscious state Mike started to think about how his life had changed over the past few weeks and what potentially lay in wait for him in the South Island.

He had always been a friendly type of guy and he’d liked to have thought that he was always there for friends and work colleagues, not exactly philanthropic but not what he’d have considered selfish either. But the arrival of Charles went a long way to showing how shallow and non directional his life had been.

He had been happy to only be responsible for himself – after all, isn’t that how all Gen-Yers are supposed to be?

What’s wrong with that? Living pay cheque to pay cheque and having just enough cash to do what he wanted to – within reason. His needs and wants were modest which suited his modest income. Enough money to play but certainly no provision or thought of retirement. Yes he had been a little clumsy with some girls hearts but he never for one moment told them he was going to be exclusive and tameable – so didn’t that make it their issue and not his?

Admittedly the amazing night he had with Jenny had changed some of the ways he thought about relationships and had she been more into it – or at least met up for a second date – then maybe, just maybe he could have considered being a boyfriend or maybe even more. But she hadn’t called or followed up – well not then anyway - so that was a moot point.

Jenny, what was her deal? The same question as always rattled around his head – why would she leave her son with a relative stranger? Was she sure that he was Charles’s father? She must have been – that thought made Mike feel a little better. But it still didn’t detract from the biggest question - why?

She obviously wasn’t dying – she would have let her dear father know. She certainly wasn’t too poor to raise him – again, Ernie would be able to cover that bill. There was no mention of a husband, but then again, Mike hadn’t asked.

So with sickness, finance and spouses off the menu what else did it leave?

‘I guess I’ll find out soon’ he mumbled.

Charles squeaked and fidgeted then went back to sleep.

‘That does leave you little guy’ he said softly ‘what am I going to do with you?’

Mixed emotions and conflicting ideas ran through Mike’s head, all pointless as they were really not founded in the real world, just fleeting images of what might be.

Maybe when she see’s us both it’ll all work out he thought, maybe she just needed time. All mothers have that motherly instinct and have to protect their offspring don’t they? He thought about his own mother and the sacrifices she had gone through for him, there was no way she would have left him.

Mike was keen to get back to some semblance of his old life but with the obvious addition of Charles, if Jenny didn’t want to include him into her and Charles’s life he would fight for visitation rights that’s for damned sure.

What if she wanted to take him overseas? How would that possibly work? Could he do anything about that, could he keep her and his son in New Zealand? How would this affect his work?

Work – this opened up a whole new can of worms. Did Ernie have any idea that Charles was his grandson? If not, what would he do when he found out AND that Mike was the father? Mike winced a little at that thought.

Mike’s stomach was churning over and over, anxiety and the whole ‘not knowing’ was driving him crazy. None of this was doing him any good right now; he decided that he needed to get the whole thing out of his mind as best he could.

‘For better or worse it’ll all be resolved in the next twenty four hours that’s for sure.’ He said and then went off to the canteen to get some food to calm his butterflies. ________________ The ferry pulled in to Picton docks and both Mike and the baby were in the van waiting for the giant doors to open.

The big boom of the ferry docking hitting the concrete ramp was a signal for all the cars and trucks to start their engines. Mike dutifully followed suit. Like sheep, they all trailed each other off the ship and onto State Highway One. The first road sign Mike saw as he drove off the wharf said it all – the green sign read Nelson and Christchurch both were in the same direction but in Mike’s mind both were worlds apart.

One city was just work, just a job, just a delivery – the other, well the other was a completely different story, an untold story and an unknown future.

Part of him wanted to say the hell with the job and head straight for Nelson but the other, more rational side of him said do the job first - Jenny could wait couldn’t she?

Decisions, decisions, face his and his future now or purling the agony of the unknown for one more day. Mike decided to head for the ferry terminal first, to take a shower and freshen up – he’d decide after that.

Chapter 49

‘Have you seen Mike?’ Ernie was looking around the office and taking to Wendy.

‘He’s down country fire fighting for us.’ She replied.

‘What?’

Wendy explained that one of their key account customers was going leave if a package wasn’t delivered and that Mike had offered to take it down to Palmerston North.

‘I didn’t see him yesterday either, is the baby ok?’

‘You old softie caring about the Mike and his son. He picked up the delivery yesterday, but he told me that he’s got an aunt in the South Island so I fed him some jobs to get him to Christchurch, I guessed he could do with some family around him right now. I’m sure he’ll be back on Monday, he’s enjoying his new role, taking it very seriously.’

Ernie smelt a rat. His recent conversations with Mike filled his mind. The comments about marrying a girl with a rich dad, his interest in the picture of his little daughter Genevieve, the real estate flyer on their new place in Nelson.

He’d listened to enough of Mike’s stories at the company BBQ’s to know the way he worked on girls, always looking for common ground. What was more in common for them than Ernie?

He knew that Mike was in desperate need of money and his comments about Management training and Ernie’s retirement – Ernie was no investigative genius but then again it didn’t take a genius to work out that Mike was going to try his luck with his little princess.

He liked Mike, but there was no way he was going to have him as a son in law – his princess could do better.

‘Wendy, I’m going to take the rest of the day off and fly down to Nelson for the weekend. I think I should spend some time with the family and get a feel for the new place.’

Wendy shrugged her shoulders.

‘Do you think that’s wise, spending time with Elizabeth and Genevieve - how’s your blood pressure?’ She joked.

‘Ha ha. I’ll see you Monday.’

Ernie left the office and head home to get packed, calling his travel agent on the way to get him on the earliest flight to Nelson that she could.

Chapter 50

As it turned out, the earliest flight Ernie could get booked on was going to be at 8am the next day which would get him there around 9.30, so he called his wife Elizabeth to arrange for her to pick him up.

‘How are things? Anything out of the ordinary happened?’ He was trying to see if his hunch was correct and Mike was trying to see Genevieve but he also didn’t want to look stupid if he was wrong.

‘No we’re all good and things are boring. What’s brought about the change of mind? Why are you joining us?’

‘Don’t you want me there?’ The conversation and Ernie’s suspicions was getting his back up.

‘Of course we want you here with us; it’s just you were adamant that you wanted to work.’

‘Yeah, I’ve had a rethink. I’ve been a bit anti the whole Nelson thing so I’m coming back down with an open mind.’

‘Great to hear honey.’

‘What does Genevieve think of the place?’

‘They love it.’

‘They?’

‘Sorry my mind is all over the place, I mean she, she loves it.’

The hairs on the back of Ernie’s neck stood on end, Elizabeth’s mind was never all over the place, Ernie was sure that the scent of rodent was filling the air.

He said goodbye and with nothing better to do, took the top off a bottle of scotch. ____________________ Aside from the outstanding scenery, the drive to Christchurch was relatively uneventful. They stopped for lunch at Kaikoura but with the absence of any whales to be seen from the bay they were on the road again pretty smartly.

Arriving in Christchurch mid-afternoon, Mike circumnavigated the city and found his destination, a business on an industrial area on the south side. All jobs done.

With a –give or take - six hour drive to Nelson ahead of him, Mike realised that it would be a bad arrival time to spring a surprise visit on Charles’s mother. It would be better to see her in the morning he thought. So with that in mind and the time pressure off the menu, he took a little tourist detour to have a look at the after effects of the earthquake on the city centre.

__________________ By the time they arrived in Nelson Mike was exhausted and worse still nervous as all hell. He found a semi remote spot on the edge of the city and parked the van up for the night. A quick feed and change for the baby and a small unappetising snack for himself and then they bedded down for the night.

He knew he had to sleep, he had the biggest and most important day of his life ahead of him in the morning but the thoughts and concerns that were racing round his head were making sure that sandman was being kept at bay, bound and gagged.

Finally around 1am the sandman escaped his ties and Mike fell asleep.

Chapter 51

‘Breakfast of champions.’ Mike said as he looked at his McDonald’s muffin and hash brown combo.

His nerves were taking a strong hold in his stomach so it was going to be stodgy breakfast first in an attempt to calm them down before going off to see Jenny. Once finished, he took Charles to the bathroom to wash and change and took a moment to freshen himself up. He thought about changing out of the company uniform but decided that he was who he was. A courier driver for her dad’s firm and father of her son – like it or not that was that.

He took his son out to the van and spent an unusually long time in strapping him in, he was subconsciously stalling but he was also taking in the image of Charles – after all, this maybe be some kind of handing back ceremony and if that happened he wasn’t sure of how long it would be before he’d see him again.

That thought made him immediately sad.

He double checked the address in the GPS and set off. _________________ Ernie was still a little jaded as he boarded the plane to Nelson, maybe I shouldn’t have had the forth glass of scotch he thought to himself.

He had already downed three cups of black coffee and guessed that he would have a couple more on the flight down.

He realised that he would be amped by the time he got there and therefore hoped for Mike’s sake that his hunch was wrong. ____________________ Elizabeth was up and out the door early, she wanted to grab breakfast at the terminal and be relaxed when she met Ernie off the plane; there would be some explaining to do. She knew her husband hadn’t believed her absent mind excuse. _______________________ Mike pulled up outside the house and sat there with the engine running. The place looked much bigger than on the flyer and Mike was sort of admiring the architecture. The for sale sign had been replaced by one marked sold and Mike wondered to himself how Elizabeth had managed to get them into the hose so quick. He knew she was resourceful and mostly got what she wanted but that was an amazing feat. He pondered on this subject a little longer.

Again he knew he was stalling. Finally he took a deep breath and got out of the van.

It took three rings on the doorbell before he heard movement inside.

‘Alright I’m coming, hold on.’ came a groggy voice from the somewhere deep inside the house.

Mike rang the bell again for good measure.

The door opened and there stood the beautiful Jenny aka Genevieve Leggit aka the mother of Charles, Mike’s son – immediately it all became very real.

Mike was in awe of how good she looked even in the morning.

Her mouth dropped.

‘What the... How the hell? What the hell are you doing here?’ A jumbled mess of words and unfinished sentences just fell out of her open mouth.

Mike was going to open with ‘surprise’ but thought better of it.

‘Hello Jenny, remember us?’ he said pointing at Charles in the baby seat.

Jenny composed herself a little and pulled the door closed behind her.

‘What do you want? How did you find me?’

‘Did you think that with me working for your father, I’d never find out who you were?’

It was the easier of her two questions to for him to answer.

‘Ok but what do you want?’

‘What do I want? Are you crazy? You drop your baby off on my doorstep and disappear and you ask what I want...’

‘I told you, he’s yours...’

‘Yeah I found that out.’

‘So what’s the problem, I gave you your son.’

Mike was confused, this wasn’t going as planned – whatever the plan was.

‘Did you hear me? What do you want?’ Her questions were direct but her voice was a heavy whisper.

‘I want you, I want us. I want us to be a family.’ He said defensively motioning towards the three of them.

‘Are you kidding me? Why the hell would I want to be with a courier driver when my daddy owns the firm – get real.’

‘But what about your son?’

‘My son? He’s not my son, he’s your son.’

Mike was speechless.

‘I told you before, I don’t want him. He’s not my problem, he’s yours.’ She continued.

‘But he needs his mother; he needs all the things that you can provide....’

‘Is that it? Blackmail? You want money?’ She had taken him the wrong way.

‘I can give you money. How much will it take for you to go away and not bother me again? Ten grand, twenty? You can take the money and if you don’t want him either then get him adopted out maybe even sell him...’

Mike’s confusion at her attitude had turned to anger – how dare she put a price on Charles’s head.

‘What’s going on?’ A guy’s voice came from the other side of the door.

‘You’ve got someone there?’ Mike was incredulous ‘That’s none of your business.’ She replied.

‘Gen?’ came the voice again.

‘Jenny’s busy being a callous bitch so piss off.’ Mike shouted through the door.

With that, the door was pulled open and a big guy in boxers filled the frame.

‘What the hell do you want with my fiancé?’ he boomed.

‘I want to give her her son back.’ Mike staunchly replied pointing at the baby.

‘Her what?’

‘Don’t listen to him honey, go back inside. He’s crazy – that thing’s NOT MINE.’ It was Mike’s turn for his jaw to drop open.

‘I don’t know who you are or what you want, piss off out of here before I make you.’ The big guy moved towards Mike.

Mike was confused, bemused and angry, his emotions were all over the place and he didn’t know what to do, he had no idea what to do next. Jenny had rejected him - that was okay, she had her reasons. She was engaged - that was okay as well he guessed, it happens. But to completely disavow all knowledge of her son – that was NOT okay.

‘I said piss off.’ The big guy yelled and got right in Mike’s face.

Mike unleashed a massive blow to the big guys face, causing him to fly backwards into the house breaking his jaw and knocking out two teeth in the process. Mike knew he had done a bad thing but the anger at Jenny’s attitude towards her son had built to such a boiling point in his mind that her fiancé was the unfortunate victim of his aggression. But boy it felt good.

‘What the hell did you do that for?’ She yelled and turned to tend to her man.

‘Why don’t you and your brat just get lost.’ She growled Mike looked at her as she snarled at him, finally the facade of her beauty had all been stripped away and he really saw her for the first time. She was a selfish, self-centered spoilt bitch, poisonous and ugly to the core. Mike knew it was time to leave.

‘Yeah I’m going, we’re both better off without you.’ He paused a moment as he thought about her offer.

‘You know what; you asked me what I wanted? Well there is one thing you can give me.’

She stared at him.

‘My son’s date of birth.’ __________________ Elizabeth had spent much of the drive from the airport back to the house telling Ernie about Genevieve’s fiancé Dave. Dave was a guy she’d met in Sydney and Dave owned a thriving housing development company. Dave drove a Lamborghini and had a large boat. He had flown over to surprise them last night and he had proposed to Genevieve over dinner.

Ernie was only half listening to her story about Dave. Part of him was happy that her daughter was engaged to someone so successful and caring and the other part of him was relieved that his suspicions about Mike was unfounded.

But he went instantly cold when they rounded the corner towards the new house, he had spotted a van with the distinctive blue and yellow colours of his courier company. As the two vehicles past each other he saw Mike in the driver’s seat – with his hunch confirmed, he knew he’d have to haul Mike in on Monday and let him go – unhappily he returned to listening to his oblivious wife tell him how great Dave was.

‘He said it was all so spur of the moment, he said he missed her so much that he decided that he wanted to spent the rest of his life with her. He said he was going to buy the ring when they went back to Sydney, she could choose it. It was so romantic, he even forgot his wallet he was in so much of a rush to come see her. So I had to pay for the meal and the Champagne – you don’t mind honey do you? He said he’s looking forward to meeting you, Genevieve has told him all about you, how successful you are and he said he has a few business idea’s to run past you.’

Instantly Ernies’s rodent sensor was on overload.

Chapter 52

It was Monday morning and Mike was in no rush to go to work. Instead he called the Plunket nurse and arranged a meeting.

It was going to be a good week for Mike and his son, the start of the rest of their lives together. Having Charles’s birthdate and place of birth – thankfully he was Kiwi not an Aussie - meant that all the pieces could finally be put into place. The thought of seeing Ernie and Wendy and explaining it all to them would have to wait – he had to think of his son right now.

The meeting with the Plunket nurse went outstandingly well. Birth certificates were under way, Inland Revenue Department had been contacted and Mike was up for a fair amount of government assistance – no-one seemed to understand Jenny’s attitude – least of all Mike, but that didn’t matter, it was a case of onwards and upwards.

It was around 1pm and Mike thought it was time to face the music at Leggits.

‘Hey Wendy, sorry I’m late. I’ve got so much to tell you and probably quite a lot of explaining to do but I think I need to talk with Ernie first...’

‘Nice of you to drop in Mr Bishop, we thought our Southern Island population had kept you as new breeding stock.’

Mike laughed.

‘You’ll have to wait to see Mr Leggit, he’s decided to spend some more time in Nelson, he’s not back for another week. Would appear that he’s enjoying retirement. But I do need to speak with you – how about we go into his office.’

Despite the initial humour Mike had a sense of dread.

Mike followed Wendy into the office, set the baby seat in a chair next to him and sat down.

‘Sounds like you’ve had a busy trip Mr Bishop.’ Wendy began.

Oh crap she knows he thought.

‘Yeah, well I um.’

‘You really did go above and beyond for the company on this one. I have spoken with the client and they have been singing your praises. In fact they have decided to give us ALL of their business. It’s quite a hefty account.’ Wendy smiled.

‘But.’ Ok here goes Mike thought

‘They will only do this if YOU are their account manager.’

Not for the first time this month, Mike’s mouth fell open.

‘So Mr Bishop, you are in for a tidy bonus that will easily take care of our little loan and looks like we’re going to be stuck with you in here. Well done.’ She said and gave him a big hug.

Mike was smiling on the outside but was full of trepidation on the inside. He had a feeling that his employment status would all change once he had explained the situation to Ernie.

But in the meantime, why not enjoy the moment.

‘Thanks Wend, is it alright if I take the rest of the day off and get Charles sorted?’

‘Sure’ she said.

Chapter 53

The rest of the week had been amazing, Mike had been out to the new account and they had gotten on like a house on fire. The office work was under control; Charles was happily enjoying day care and even sleeping around five hours during the night.

Wendy had been round and dropped off an old laptop, so Mike was now online at home. He caught up with his online friends, even his old flatmates and now had access to email at home.

Plus the really big bonus came when he opened his pay cheque which had inside a really big bonus!

For the first time since Charles had landed on his doorstep things were great. On Saturday he went to the shopping mall and actually shopped. He shopped without looking at the price tag first, he shopped for Charles and he shopped for himself. He had lunch in a decent cafe and bought a great big steak and a modest bottle of red wine to have that night.

Flashes of Jenny and her attitude came in and out of his mind but in the end all he said was ‘fuck her!’ ____________________ Sunday night and Mike and Charles were in the house. With the weekend almost over Mike was starting to get a little anxious about the impending and inevitable meeting with Ernie. He was restless but also resigning himself to an ‘it is what it is’ attitude.

The knock at the door jolted him from his understandably melancholy mood and he went up to answer the door, assuming that it would be Wendy.

He couldn’t have been more wrong.

Standing before him on the doorstep was Ernie and his wife Elizabeth, the three of them stood there speechlessly looking at each other before Charles let out a little cry.

Elizabeth brushed past Mike and went straight to the baby picking him up and holding him tight, Ernie moved forward and without a sound hugged Mike and hugged him hard.