Humor Break

Go Fish By Jessica Guerrieri

The Search for a Low-Maintenance Pet

My sanity had hit a pandemic low point when I decided we could foster two 8-week-old kittens. After four weeks of snuggles and an abundance of cat feces, those kittens are now in their forever home—which is thankfully not ours. I am now quite aware that I am a “low-maintenance pet” kind of mom. So, after the kitties left, I grabbed our masks and took my three girls to find some goldfish. I was beyond thrilled that, of all the sparkly, glow-in-the-dark fish at Petco, my daughters chose the 19-cent feeder fish (low-maintenance and cheap, score!). We decided on just two, since our fishbowl was small and the youngest isn’t yet old enough to keep herself from accidentally committing fish murder.

I went to retrieve a store employee to help us capture the fish, and was surprised when not just the employee, but also the store manager came along. And that is where my quest for simple pet care ended. “What type of living environment do you have for them at home?” the store employee asked me. “Like their tank? I have a small fishbowl for them.”

The employee and manager exchanged judgy looks. “For goldfish, we recommend you get a larger tank because they expel a lot of waste. With a bowl, you will be changing the water constantly. It’s not an optimal environment for them.” “Yeah, that’s not going to happen. I’m sure we can change the water daily.” “Well, I mean we can’t stop you from getting them, but you will officially be going against doctor’s orders.” Pause for sarcastic laughter since we are talking about fish. There is none. “I think I can live with that. Can you put them in two separate bags, please?” “They would probably be more comfortable in the same bag.” “Yes, but it would make for a much more comfortable car ride for us if each of my girls is holding one bag.” “Are you going straight home?” “We are stopping at Jamba Juice first.” “I recommend going straight home and keeping them out of direct sunlight.” At this point I decided to pay, just to end the most ridiculous conversation I’d had that day (and that included the one with my 4-year-old about why we must wear pants in the car). On our way out, the manager who had fished out our fish stopped us at the door to make sure we had paid and that we weren’t the mother-and-daughter-fish-stealingmasterminds making headlines on CSPAN. Just to seal his fate as the star of this article, he told me that if I brought the dead fish carcasses back to the store, we would get replacements free of charge for the next 30 days. I do a lot for my daughters, but I draw a hard line at intentionally transporting dead guppies to save less than 50 cents. Back at home, my girls are currently taking turns holding the bowl on their laps while the littlest eats Goldfish crackers (discreetly, of course, out of respect for the new family members). Mission low-maintenance pets: accomplished. While signs of pet-purchasing-delirium show it’s obvious we’ve all been at home far too long, other people maybe have spent a little too long among the fishes. ¶

Find Jessica Guerrieri at witandspitup. com and on Instagram at @witandspitup.

Dance Meets Zoom

Like many people and institutions, local art organizations are financially suffering during the pandemic. One local company is (quite literally) not taking it lying down. North Coast Ballet is producing an online performance and benefit called Dancing in the Moment with the hope of keeping the organization, the only pre-professional company in Sonoma County, alive. The event will be held on November 7 at 6 p.m. Tickets are $35; for those hosting a socially distanced viewing party, an additional $10 donation per viewer is suggested. Beyond the Glory, a Petaluma sports bar and grill, will be offering meal options to those who want to dine before their at-home events. For more information and to purchase tickets, go to northcoastballet.org. ¶

Marrielle Monte

Lessons

707-538-2000 MARKWESTSTABLES.COM

GREAT RIDING PROGRAM

Schools

Homeschool Program Grades K-5 Educating the whole child; head, heart, & hands.

www.sunridgeschool.org 707-824-2276

Childcare/Preschools

YMCA Early Education Center

SANTA ROSA 2590 PINER ROAD

Part Time /Full Time Care Flexible Plans Available Serving Infant-5 years

PROGRAM OBJECTIVES: Health & Nutrition, Motor Skills, Interpersonal Relationships, Self Confidence, and Cognitive Development

PRICING & REGISTRATION: 707.544.1829 www.scfymca.org

The Sonoma County Family YMCA is an inclusive, charitable organization that enriches community through the areas of Youth Development, Healthy Living, and Social Responsibility.

Since 1981 Montessori SchoolRhio ’s Casa dei Bambini Preschool•Kindergarten Parent-Toddler Class Ages 18 months to 6-years

We can help!

Montessori Education Inspires

♥ Joy of Learning ♥ Order & Detail ♥ Concentration ♥ Grace & Courtesy

2427 Professional Dr. • Santa Rosa Near Steele Lane & Hwy 101 707-528-0889•www.rhioscasa.com

Strike a Super-Hero Pose

Kids like to pretend they are super heroes. And Marrielle Monte gives little ones an opportunity to act like them. Her positive-thinking empowering Kids! workshops use “super-hero” poses, affirmations, and music and dance to help youngsters understand that they can use their thoughts to change how they feel. Monte, the author of the children’s book Magic Thinking for Kids, will be hosting a free online empowering Kids! workshop on November 23, 3–3:30 p.m. To register, log on to tinyurl.com/yxdhra9s or search evenbrite.com for “empowering Kids! A fun workshop for kids and their parents!” ¶

 PaternityandChildSupport

OrderEstablishment

 PaymentCollectionServices  PaymentTrackingand

Accounting

 ChildSupportModification

Call Today 866-901-3212

Sonoma County Child Support Services 3725 Westwind Blvd., Ste 200 Santa Rosa, CA 95403

Like Us On Facebook

Playtime Daycare/Preschool Join our loving family. Spacious playroom, large yard, meals provided. CPR & first aid certified. M-F. Infants & up. Call Wendy 539-7524. Lic. #04746.