‘Care costs are a noose around my neck’

Natalie Parkes-Thompson is the daughter of Tony Parkes, a former Blackburn Rovers player and manager and club legend often referred to as ‘Mr Blackburn’. He was diagnosed with dementia in 2019. Here, she gives insight into the financial struggle she faces to ensure her beloved dad is cared for, and her distress that support has been so hard to find prior to Head for Change’s intervention

My dad went into residential care because I couldn’t cope with looking after him on my own anymore. I lost my mum to cancer and I’m an only child. I have a full-time job and children aged five and two. Making the decision to put dad into residential care was heartbreaking, but we had to do what was best for him.

The costs of care are a constant worry. They feel like a noose around my neck. Next month, they are going to rise by another 12 per cent. Knowing that is on the horizon is on my mind all of the time. Every month, it costs thousands of pounds just to know my dad is being cared for, and realistically I don’t know how long that can be sustained. If we can’t afford his care costs, we’ll have to look at caring for him at home - but I don’t know how that will work. I feel like I’m on my own in this. It feels so unfair that there is no support - if my dad hadn’t played football, he most likely wouldn’t have dementia. He has an industrial disease caused by his job, yet there is no help for us. I’ve kept myself to myself for a while now because asking the PFA for help and getting absolutely nowhere was making me ill. I really hit a wall with the PFA when my dad went into residential care. The barriers really went up then. I’d ask for help but they made it perfectly clear that they will not finance residential care, so I’ve stopped asking. I’ve lost all hope. This donation from Head for Change means so much. I feel blown away by it. It was given from the heart with no strings attached. It’s not about the amount that is most important - this will cover part of dad’s care costs for a month - but it’s the fact it was offered to us, I didn’t have to ask. It’s the fact that someone is there and willing to help us financially with the cost of residential care. It feels like someone is listening at long last, that someone understands and wants to help.

The difference with Head for Change is that they genuinely do know what my family are going through, because they live it too. They’re not just sitting behind a desk, everyone involved is experiencing what I am experiencing. This is their life as it is mine. For the PFA, this doesn’t affect their daily lives. If someone needs counselling, it’s outsourced, because they don’t understand. I no longer expect any help to come from this avenue and I have accepted that.

We are also very grateful to the people who care about my dad - Blackburn Rovers, who have always been very good to us, and the fans. Their support is appreciated more than they will ever know.