EDITORS Daemon, Abigail, Kieran, Khairul, al, Andrew CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Daemon, Abigail, Khairul, al, Andrew, Dion, Nova, Nurul, Efydean, Nadh. J DESIGNERS Gwendolyn, Munyi, Karn, al, Carol CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHERS Charmaine Poh CONTRIBUTING ARTISTS Aravind, al, Jessie, Sze Kei (Cover Art) Hello again! NTU Kaleidoscope is excited to bring you our second edition of KALEI. It’s been a long and difficult semester working from the confines of our own rooms. This has been a challenging time for all of us, but especially for those staying with unsupportive family members or in other unsafe environments, who have had limited contact with friends and support networks or faced other stresses due to the ongoing pandemic. To everyone who has been struggling, we see you. NTU Kaleidoscope has done our best, within our means, to continue with our monthly events to allow students to connect with each other while maintaining a safe social distance. We’ve conducted Qrientation and Trivia Night over the wonderful Internet medium of Zoom, and organised a Flower Foot Trail for small groups to appreciate queer art with a guide. With social distancing guidelines easing up lately, we’re hopeful that we can bring more events to you very soon. The content of this edition of KALEI reflects the spirit of this strange and uncertain time. With more time to ourselves, our writers took the liberty of revisiting old films and investigating the queering process that may not have been obvious to us at first glance (“Jennifer’s Bisexuality”, “Hell Is Not A Teenage Girl”, “ What Makes Disney’s Mulan (1998) So Queer?”). We’ve heard from others about how they have coped with the pandemic (“No Holds Barred for Virtual Tour”). With the pandemic revealing the hierarchy of privilege that affects our experiences, even within the LGBTQ community, our writers have also explored groups within the queer community that often go overlooked (“Living as an Aromantic in a Heteronomative Society”, “Sex Work and Its Place in the LGBTQ+ Movement”). In this edition, we’re also glad to have had the opportunity to work with a team of dedicated editors: Kieran, Khairul, al, and Andrew. Their work has been integral to this edition of KALEI, and we’re so grateful to them.
fromtheeditors NTU
❤��" 01
AbigailLove, Daemon(she/her)(they/them) Kaleidoscope "Giving voice and visibility to the LGBTQ+ community by championing inclusivity, education and discussion
��
This opportunity to connect with our community and bring KALEI to you once again has been immensely rewarding. We hope that, wherever you’re reading this from and however you choose to identify, you feel linked to the queer community through this sharing of our thoughts and introspections. We’re looking forward to spending the new year with you, and we hope you’re excited too.
Alas, the possibility of being engulfed with such euphoria again may still be far from our reach, despite Phase 3’s lifted restrictions in live indoor performances. Nevertheless, this pandemic has not stopped singersongwriter Leon Markcus (he/him) from holding concerts and connecting with his fans. Not physically, of course.
Imagine this: a plethora of colourful lights shining upon all corners of the stage, often flashing into your eyes, blinding you for a split second. Music so loud you can feel the bass thumping in your chest. People screaming and cheering around you, some with their hands up in the air, waving to the beat, others clinging onto their smartphones, desperate to record each electrifying moment on stage.
Leon performing for High Key 2: Off The Streets. (Source: Radio Heatwave, Ngee Ann Polytechnic) With Covid-19 restrictions still in place, local performers have had to get creative. One way to continue performing has been holding online concerts, or as Leon Markcus calls them: Virtual Tours. Known for the stunning, well-thought-out visuals that accompanied his performance for Pink Dot 2020, fans expected nothing less for his Virtual Tour which commenced in October 2020 till end January 2021 where he performed his songs from his most recent album: “Welcome to Hot City (Rebel Edition)”, a body of work that celebrates queerness and camp. Markcus is no stranger to performing in digital concerts. In mid-2020, he live-streamed a performance for fans in Hong Kong and Taiwan for ‘Home Music Mix 2020’. He even represented Singapore for ‘Atlas Digital: Stay at Home Concert Edition for Los Angeles’ in May 2020. Despite the lack of a real concert ambience, virtual concerts do come with their own set of perks, Markcus shared, especially as a local queerPoster for the Virtual Tour of Welcome to Hot City.
No Holds Barred for Virtual Tour
Leon Markcus talks about the pros and cons of both live and virtual tours, as well as “stripping everything away” for his new sound. by Khairul Ameer 02
Article
As an artist who enjoys blurring the lines between gender roles through fashion, Markcus often struggles with such restrictions—not least when his album addresses “being whatever you want”.
Screenshot from Leon's Virtual Tour. (Source: Leon Markcus)
artist. To quote him, “I can express myself more freely when concerts are held digitally as compared to live gigs.”
Markcus, who considers himself a songwriter first and then a singer, has constantly been writing songs as a way to address the issues he sees in himself and the world around him. He will be presenting a more stripped-down, vulnerable version of himself for an upcoming full-length album that he’s in the process of producing. That is a facet unfamiliar to his fans who have always known him for his extravagant aesthetic. When asked what was the inspiration behind it, he mentioned he wanted to strip everything away and focus on what is nostalgic to him. “For my entire independent music journey, I’ve focused so much on ‘Leon Markcus’ as a character and a person I aspire to be… and somewhere along the way, I may have lost what it’s like being myself.”
03
Screenshot from Leon's virtual performance in Pink Dot 2020. (Source: Leon Markcus)
***** Leon Markcus’ promotional single: ‘Ichigo’ is now available on iTunes music, Spotify, YouTube and all streaming platforms. You can find him at @itsleonmarkcus on Instagram.
“Performing live in Singapore does come with censorship restrictions,” Marckus shared. He would know— his withdrawal from a concert at his university that asked him to omit LGBTQ+ themes made headlines in 2019. “When you’re to perform in a public space, you cannot wear a dress and have to dress stereotypically male. You can’t look androgynous. You can’t wear heels or wear weaves.”
Though he misses being able to physically connect with his fans, for online concerts, the only limit on his creative direction is his imagination. “I can wear and sing whatever I want,” Markcus told us.
Experience his new sound in his latest single release entitled: “Ichigo”, which stands for ‘Strawberries’ in Japanese. “(Ichigo) is taking a step into making music that I would personally resonate with but has always found it too personal”, Markcus described.
New Music, More Marian
Hair, New
Bzzt! You feel the swift graze of hard plastic across your left temple and you watch your hair fall. A smidge of regret flashes in your mind, but is quickly engulfed by the realisation that it’s just hair. It will grow back. A haircut may be the norm to some but to singer-songwriter Marian Carmel (she/they), it was a step towards a version of her that is more bold, comfortable, and unapologetically herself. The way we present ourselves to the outside world greatly influences how we are perceived by others, as well as our mood and confidence throughout the day. Marian made the tough decision to take control of that. They were even given the honour of executing the first shave for the new haircut she’s been itching to get: the
With a new-found post-haircut confidence, Marian Carmel finds a new sound that is nothing like we’ve heard before. by Khairul Ameer
04 Article
“My mind was frazzled with countless doubts but I reassured myself that life is short, the hair will grow back and it is the perfect thing for me to play or make mistakes with,” Marian said. When Marian asked the senior stylist if she should shave her sides, they answered, “It is not about what hairstyle you have. It’s about whether you have the confidence to rock it.” As they started with her bangs, Marian was brought back to her polytechnic days when she used to cut her bangs by herself at 4 a.m. as an emotional outlet. Left: Marian executing the first shave, Right: Marian's mullet style hair (Source: Marian Carmel) Singer-songwriter Marian Carmel. (Source: Khairul Ameer)
***** You can find Marian at @mariancarmelmusic on Instagram and ‘Marian Carmel’ on Spotify. Single art for "Might Never Get Better". (Source: Unami Records)
“The way I see it constantly is that the moon stops shining, stars ain’t aligning… it might never get better.” Marian reminds us that it is okay to feel helpless sometimes over a situation we cannot control in their 2019 release ‘Might Never Get Better’. It is a melancholic, frustrated message about being stuck in a seemingly inescapable loop disguised in a catchy, joyful tune. Their newer work, however, is “nothing like [her] previous releases”, they stated. It is more vulnerable and brazen. In their recent single “Rose”, released last November, they talked about acceptance, growth and mistakes as parts of who we are.
“Even if you change throughout with your sound and everything, the people who are rooting for you will follow you through your journey and they’ll like you for who you are. Even though some people drop off because they don’t like your new stuff, your new stuff will always find the right people,” Marian said.
“I feel like this hair may have given me powers,” said Marian, who has taken to expressing themselves more candidly on Instagram. What used to be limited to carefully curated pictures of them at shoots or posts promoting new Album cover for "Rose". (Source: Marian Carmel)
Even though some people drop off because they don't like your new stuff, your new stuff will always find the right people. “ ” music, has then transformed into a spontaneous and positively chaotic feed that showcases their fun side. With the new chutzpah bestowed by the mullet, Marian’s now letting us in a lot more, on both their musical journey and their life.
The mullet has been notably epiphanic to Marian’s relationship with her sexuality as well. She realised that she loved expressing herself androgynously and is now comfortable in including they/them to her pronouns, an addition to her current she/her. “I just felt more confident with my sexuality,” Marian said, who felt there were certain expectations attached to her when she had long hair. “Now, I know that these ‘expectations’ are only set by myself. Knowing that, is freeing.”
05
“We are going back to me and my guitar but with R&B elements,” Marian noted. They said they're terrified to release her new music as they are more them. The notion that people may be critical of the raw version of oneself is undoubtedly perturbing. After the ‘haircut release’ on their social media, Marian lost close to a hundred Instagram followers, but soon gained back more people than they lost. They've since made her peace with the fact that the public reaction to both them and their art is something they cannot control.
Artists 2:
The work shown in its entirety at PinchukArtCentre, Kiev. zt Brother Cane 1994, performance art Josef Ng A contemporary art performance, part of the artists’ initiative 5th Passage. It was a protest against the publicisation of the names of 12 homosexual men in The Straits Times who were later apprehended by the police through “purportedly dubious means”, violating their privacy. Dressed in a black robe, his performance recreated their punishment by caning on slabs of tofu. As a form of protest, he walked to the far end of the gallery space and turned his back to the audience, lowering his briefs and snipping his pubic hair (which the audience could not see).
Although Ng was never completely naked during the performance and notices were put up around the venue to inform people of its nature, it was quickly picked up and sensationalised by The New Paper. Both Ng and the gallery manager of 5th Passage, Iris Tan, were prosecuted by the High Court afterwards; Ng for committing an obscene act in public and Tan for breaching the conditions of the Public Entertainment License.
One such magazine was apparently within reach on a rack near the entrance of the space, tied to the rack with cord and there were signs and reminders given that the display was not to be touched. This eventually resulted in the removal of the magazines from the exhibit by the Singapore Art Museum without prior notice and the temporary (turned permanent) closure of the exhibit by the artist during negotiations.
Queer
A recreation of the 1970s Spanish hotel bar owned by Japanese-British artist Simon Fujiwara’s parents, it had displayed “fake legs of suspended ham, suggestively arranged objects reflecting a fixation with male genitalia, a certain reference to war and violence, “naughty” collages and egg-splattered objects, as well as gay pornographic magazines.”
Josef Ng's performance makes headlines, 3 Jan 1984. (Source: The New Paper) 06
Queer art has always been a rare sight on this tiny lovable island we call home—where even regular (read: heteronormative) art takes a backseat to our flamboyantly practical lifestyles. Let’s take a look at some interesting moments in the history of queer-themed art in Singapore plus a few of our local artists and, who knows? Maybe you’ll find your new fave! by al Listicle Welcome to the Hotel Munber 2010, mixed-media room installation Simon Fujiwara “However, in a work that centered around (homo)sexual oppression and censorship, perhaps the removal of the magazines became intolerably ironic for the artist.” (Quote from Art Asia Pacific, 2011)
Electric Boogaloo
07
A replica of Michelangelo’s David commissioned by the National Museum of Singapore in 2008, Titarubi’s Surrounding David is made out of fiberglass and clad in hot pink floral fabric, resembling batik usually associated with femininity. The “richly and provocatively allusive” artwork is both feminine and homoerotic at the same time — a commentary on its idolisation as a symbol of the West and its maker’s homosexuality.
(Source:
Artist Loo Zi Han's re-enactment of "Brother Cane" in 2012. Loo Zi Han)
Surrounding David 2008, fibreglass and fabric Titarubisculpture
Article from STLife, 12/02/16 (Source: Singapore Press Holdings) However, the LGBTQA+ arts scene wasn’t always the centre of controversy...
Moving onto our very own NTU, we have: @triality.co (Ami) “for my fellow goblins who love shiny things”
Held at Utterly Art as a part of Nation.04 (an early LGBTQA+ pride event in Singapore), Red + White = Pink “looks at the artistic output of a spectrum of gay and lesbian artists practicing in Singapore who have enthusiastically stood out to be counted for this historic group show (and one straight and one bi that don’t mind mixing in).” Not much is recorded of this event, but it featured many local artists and was an exploration of pride in less accepting times.
Left: Pins featuring Doyoung, Johnny and Yuta from NCT, Top: Pin featuring Joy from Red Velvet.
Jean Seizure Singer-songwriter-actor
A singer-songwriter-actor who’s also in an acapella band called The Apex Project, you may have even spotted them performing at Pink Dot celebrations! They recently released a new single “I Know”, (left) a slow song about uncertainty in love and the certainty of falling. Why not go give it a listen? The gentle piano and Seizure’s smooth voice makes it a lovely treat for the ears.
Honorary mention: Red + White = Pink 08
(Source: Jean Seizure's Facebook)
You’ve heard of Heckin’ Unicorn from our previous issue, now get ready for pins with a more fandom-oriented touch. Mainly based on Instagram, she makes enamel pins and earrings (all very adorable, if I may add!) that feature K-Pop idols, with a few pride and feminism themed ones. Maybe these pins will be the next to bling your bag, jacket, or the corkboard that’s absolutely filled up.
(Source: triality.co)
Growing up, I indulged myself in romantic dramas on television and love stories in books, many of which I still enjoy today. Many of these stories teach similar lessons about how romantic relationships triumph over other kinds of relationships, about how romantic relationships are an integral part of every life. But being aromantic, I know that that is simply not true. However, these thoughts and ideas are so normalised, and coupled with society’s expectations and pressures, I cannot help but feel like not wanting to be involved in any romantic relationship is a wrong choice. This pressure has led me to seek out romantic trysts with people I’m not attracted to, only for them to end badly, hurting myself each time I do.
Living as an Aromantic in a Heteronomative Society by Nova malice. However, they are still painful to receive. Not only do they diminish the identity of the aromantic community, but also my identity. I often find myself internalising these questions and start doubting myself. Asking if aromantism is even a valid identity, when it clearly is.
Aromanticism is not a choice, nor is it a lifestyle. It is a label for those who feel that their romantic identities do not fall into the alloromantic spectrum. Whether one chooses to identify as queer or not is equally valid. Society needs to be more inclusive of different types of romantic and sexual identities. I should not have to justify my identity to others just to be accepted. I should not need to explain my experiences and struggles to be accepted.
There are still many marginalised groups within the queer community that do not share the same level of acceptance as others. I hope that society will one day learn to accept the whole community, not just what seems acceptable to them. But until that day, when there would not be a need for any of us to justify our identities, we will keep trying to forge a better life for ourselves. Artwork by AI 09
Living as an aromantic person in a heteronomative society is extremely challenging. Being aromantic, I neither experience romantic attraction nor wish for a romantic relationship. However, this clashes with society’s enshrined belief that a romantic relationship with someone of the opposite binary sex is the ultimate achievement in life. Society expects myself and many others to find a significant other, but this is simply not plausible. But because of this expectation, some individuals in the queer community are forced to erase a part of their identity just to fit in. Facing such expectations myself, I often find myself conforming to society’s expectations by trying to constantly be romantically involved and repressing my identity as an aromantic individual.
There was even a time where I felt that being aromantic was wrong. Every news channel talked about the new happy celebrity couples. Every person I knew found love in their own lives. The pressure to find love and to fit in was overwhelming and I felt condemned because I could not do
Anotherso.aspect of being aromantic is coming out. Despite society being more accepting of non-heterosexual identities, this unfortunately has not made coming out easier. Not only is it terrifying, but many people do not understand what it means to be aromantic. Typical reactions to my coming out include: That’s just abstinence, right? So does that make you emotionless? Maybe you haven’t found the right one yet. I do not blame anyone for asking these questions. And many of these questions do not come from a place of
When you think of Pride parades or Singapore’s Pink Dot, you also think of rainbow flags, vibrant colours, a huge party embracing and celebrating social acceptance, and a myriad of queer identities. What’s now a huge outdoor celebration doubling as a demonstration for legal rights such as same sex marriage originally started out as a riot against police brutality. It’s commonly known that Pride’s origins can be traced back to 28 June 1969, the date of the first ever Stonewall Inn Riot spearheaded by trans people of colour (POC), Marsha P Johnson and Sylvia Rivera. One key detail commonly left out, however, is that both Marsha and Sylvia were sex workers. As we celebrate a range of identities and sexualities every year at Pink Dot, the fight for sex work positivity and sex workers’ rights has long been ignored. Sure, one might ask, ‘What do sex workers or sex work have anything to do with the LGBTQ+ community?’ Aside from the above mentioned, that sex workers have been the one to kickstart the entire movement, the aim of both fights is basically the same—sexual freedom, sexual privacy, and bodily autonomy. Not only were the Stonewall Riots led by trans sex workers of colour, it was also funded by sex work. Yet it didn’t take long before the erasure of sex workers started. In 1973, Rivera had to fight to speak at a Gay Pride rally that was celebrating Stonewall simply because the crowds did not want to hear from a trans sex worker of colour. Many also felt that sex workers brought a ‘bad name’ to their community, blaming them for the negative connotations associated with the movement. As the years passed, more LGBTQ+ organisations began forming and such organisations
Sex Work and Its Place in the LGBTQ+ Movement by Dion started distancing themselves from the sex worker trailblazers. Leaving sex workers out of the movement only further adds to the demonisation and stigmatisation of the community. It is incredibly ironic for a movement that champions inclusivity and equality to contribute to the stigma such communities already face. What they don’t realise is that it is incredibly hypocritical for them to fight for their sexual freedom and body autonomy, but not grant the same to sex workers. They demand the freedom over their sexual lives that happen behind closed doors and autonomy over their own bodies, but deny the same to sex workers. Activist and feminist writer Kate Millet has mentioned that prostitution, homosexuality, and abortion are instances of the law trying to infringe upon individuals’ rights to sexual freedom and autonomy over their own bodies. Despite refusing to be policed and punished for how mutually consenting adults want to use their bodies behind closed doors, they simultaneously deny such privilege to sex workers and often shame them for their decisions.
10 Article
Illustrations
So when you are at the next Pride event, surrounded by your friends and loved ones, go ahead and have fun! It’s okay to celebrate the achievements the community has made in the past years, but just remember that all this would not have happened if it weren’t for sex workers and the sex industry. We owe sex workers a debt and we should be repaying it by prioritising their issues as well and making sure that they’re included in our fight. Pride events are a celebration of our journey and identities but they are just as much an act of resistance towards the systemic heteronormativity that oppresses us all. by al
It is no coincidence that a disproportionate amount of people doing sex work are LGBTQ+. A large percentage of them actually resort to sex work as a means of survival due to their struggle and circumstance. Many of them are part of families or communities that simply struggle to accept their truth, creating hostile and unsafe environments that would make leaving their homes the best option. Furthermore, as a disenfranchised and stigmatised community, many members of the community, especially those who are gender non-conforming and/or trans, experience discrimination and prejudice in terms of resources and employment opportunities.
As for those involved in the sex industry by choice, sex work is not only a source of income for them but also a form of validation and confirmation of their personal expression and identity. Who are we to judge what others decide to do for themselves? If LGBTQ+ individuals don’t want the government or any authority figure to police or regulate what they do in their bedrooms, why would it be fine for them to do the exact same thing to sex workers and their clients?
As a result of such economic, social, and cultural factors, engaging in sex work as a means of survival is the most rational choice for many.
11
For Pride month this year, I decided to illustrate some of my favourite LGBTQ+ TV characters that have made an impact on LGBTQ+ visibility in mainstream media.
LGBTQ + Characters That Have Made An Impact by A Aravind
12
Words &Schitt'sbyIllustrationsAAravindCreek
BrooklynGlee99
In recent years, LGBTQ+ characters have gone from token minorities to leads, from one-dimensional stereotypes to complex human beings with stories that deserve to be told and heard. Seeing mainstream TV characters like Rosa Diaz and Captain Holt from Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Mitch and Cam from Modern Family, and David from Schitt’s Creek, as loved and celebrated as they are—by everyone, regardless of sexual identity and orientation—makes me hope that the next generation can grow up in an environment of love and acceptance.
Glee will always have a special place in my heart for being the show that helped me on my journey of self-discovery and acceptance. Characters like Kurt Hummel, Mercedes Jones, and Santana Garrett showed me that it’s okay to be different, okay to be me, unapologetically.
Continue Watching Series
14
Dear Friend, I know this letter might come as a shock to you since we’ve drifted but I hope you’ve been well regardless. I am writing this letter to you to apologise for what happened five years ago. The way things went down still haunts me in my dreams till today and I’ve finally mustered up the courage to address the white elephant in the room.
This is the letter I wish I sent, the letter I wish I gave, the letter I wish I had written then. I have washed my hands, brushed my teeth, exfoliated my entire body, but my entire being is still stained with what happened five years ago. Now that I’m 20, I realise we spend our entire lives chasing an affirmation of sorts -- something that tells us you found “it”. I’m pretty sure back then, you were trying to tell me that you found your ‘it’, that you managed to make sense of whatever was going on in your head since we were kids. But, I was being an absolute piece of shit and dismissed you. I am sorry that I said things like “Oh, it’s just a phase.”, “You sure you don’t like me right?” and worst of all, “I don’t think we can be friends anymore.”. Looking back, I was really just That Ignorant despite your constant ramblings of LGBTQ+ events at the time. I guess I was genuinely a terrible friend to you seeing how I processed none of that information. Now, more than just apologising, I want you to know I am no longer that ditsy 15 year old and am now a (still) learning 20 year old. To be honest, life is confusing. It makes absolutely no sense and the worst thing is that we have to suffer before getting to the good part and fully appreciating it. We must feel pain to appreciate happiness. Going through that ordeal and realising that I caused us to drift apart, I now appreciate and dearly miss our relationship. I have made efforts to learn more about the community and how I should have reacted when you came out five years ago. I so desperately wish I could time travel and go back to change how I reacted -- that would surely have spared us some trauma and late-night thoughts.
I’m truly sorry for what happened when you came out to me and I know I can never right that wrong but I do hope this letter brings you some closure to our friendship. If anything, I would love to reconnect but I know what I did brought about much trauma and understand if you declined. Now, all I can do is to do better and I hope this letter made you feel better in some ways.
Love, Another dear friend wishing to reconnect Letter to a Lost Friend by Nurul
Thebestpartofthemovie (Source:Disney) ¹Davis,Amy GoodGirlsandWickedWitches.JohnLibbeyPublishing,2011.
(1998)SoQueer?WhatMakesDisney’sMulan
Sorry,Elsa.Mulan,fromthe1998 animatedDisneyfilmofthesame name—IrefusetoacknowledgeDisney madeanother—isthegayestDisney princess.Andno,it’snotjustbecause herloveinterestisclearlybisexualor thatReflectionspeakstoeveryqueer kid’sstruggleswithcomingout,being acceptedbyone’sfamily,ornothaving one’sexternalappearancereflect“who Iaminside”.Thismovieisahellagay ridefromstarttofinish,andhowcanit notbe,whenitdealsdirectlywith themeslikecrossdressing,gender roles,authenticity,andself expression?
beginningofacharacterarc.Sheisnot eventheeponymousheroofthetale; themovieisnotabouther. LikeBelle,Mulanstartsoutwithher ownmotivationswhichseemtobe supplantedbyexternalcrisesand devotiontofamily,fallingintowhat FilmandAnimationprofessorAmy Daviscalls“TheGoodDaughter”trope (Davis,169-219)¹.Asintheoriginal folktale,sheisdriventoactoutoffilial piety—orthat’swhatwethink,until Shanghandsherthereinsofherhorse andaskshertoleave. IfMulan’smotivationswereonlyto coverforherfatherandavoidgetting caught,Shanghasessentiallygivenher aget-out-of-jail-free-card.Insteadof beatingit,though,sheretrievesthe arrownoneofthemenhavebeenable to,provingsheisgoodenoughtostay. Later,aftersheis exposedandleftbehind bythetroopsupona snow-covered mountaintop,shetells Mushu,“MaybeIdidn'tgo formyfather.Maybe whatIreallywantedwas toprovethatIcoulddo thingsright.Sothat whenIlookedinthe mirror,I'dsee someone worthwhile.”
byAbigail
Article 15
THEDISNEYPRINCESS
Mulancameatthetail-endofthe DisneyRenaissance,aperiodwhere Disneyreturnedtoclassicformatof musicalanimatedfeaturesbasedon well-knownstories,beginningwith TheLittleMermaid (1989).Disney’s needtosuitthemodernsensibilitiesof 90saudiencesledtoawaveof “liberated”femaleprotagonists— Arieldoesn’tsimplyfallinlovewith ahumaninTheLittleMermaid,she wasalreadycuriousaboutthe humanworld.See,Bellereadsbooks now!(#girlboss) Butwhilemanyofthesecharactersare supposedlythemaincharactersof theirrespectivefilms,their motivationsoftendon’tdrivetheplot forward,andarequicklydiscardedby thetimeoftheincitingincident, usuallybyvirtueofexternalforces. Bellenevergetsher“adventureinthe greatwidesomewhere”,becausesheis toobusysecuringthelifeofherfather. Arieltakesthesteptotradehervoice forlegsaftershemeetsherlove interest,notbefore—itisultimatelya questforlove,notthepursuitof knowledge.Onecouldarguethat Jasminetakesthefirststepofescaping thepalaceinordertobefree,butthat’s ascloseasshegetstoeventhe
Bydeftlyintegrating bothofMulan’s motivations, Mulan’swriters managedtoavoid subordinatingher desireforselfauthenticityto herdesiretosaveher father.Whileatthe beginningofthefilm,filial pietyandauthenticityare shownasconflictingforces, withMulanstrugglingtofit herfamily’sexpectationsofher,inthe army,sheisabletoservebothends Sorry,Elsa.
“ ”
Reflection (Extendedlyrics) HowIpray, ThetimewillcomeIcanfreemy‐self, Fromtheirexpectations. Onthatday, I'lldiscoversomewaytobemy‐self, Andtomakemyfamilyproud. Theywantadocilelamb Nooneknows,whoIam Musttherebeasecretme I'mforcedtohide? MustIpretendthatI'm Someoneelse,foralltime Whenwillmyreflectionshow whoIaminside? Whenwillmyreflectionshow whoIaminside
throughbecomingawarriorand ultimatelysavingChina.
HonorToUsAll and I’llMakeAManOut ofYou outlinethehyper-feminineand hyper-masculineidealsofwhatittakes to“be”amanorawomaninthefilm.In hermakeoverscene,Mulanisshoved intoabathtub,pushedandpulled,and seemsgenerallyuncomfortablewith theexcessiverituals.It’senoughto sendachilldownthespineofanyone who’severfeltcoercedtoperform femininity.(Thesequencegaveme flashbacksofbeingforcedintogirly dressesasachild.)
16
PERFORMINGAMANOUTOFYOU
WhilemostversionsoftheMulantale, suchasShawBrothers’ LadyGeneral HuaMulan(1964),depictherasan adeptswordsmanfromthestartand theperfectdaughterwhoiscontentto gobackhomeandfillthesociallyprescribedroleafterthewar, Mulan struggleswithinhabitingthearbitrary genderrolessheispresentedwith.
Likeanactorgoingonstage,Mulan achievesthevisualsignifiersof “woman”,apowder-whiteface,ared lip,andacinchedwaist.Next,isher behaviour—asMulanjotsdownonher arm,theidealwomanis“refined, poised,punctual”.Astheeligible maidensapproachthematchmaker’s houseinaline,Mulanrushestojoin themandmimictheirgraceful postures.JudithButlerwroteintheir 1990book GenderTrouble that“gender isalwaysadoing,thoughnotadoing byasubjectwhomightbesaidtopreexistthedeed”.Inasocietythathas alreadyclearlydelineatedcertain attributesandbehaviourstobe feminineormasculine,Mulanhasto reproducethoseactsinordertofitin asawoman.Passingthematchmaker’s test(whichisnotarealthing,bythe way!)actsasashorthandfor“passing” asawoman.This“passing”thenallows hertoreachthenextstageof marriage,ariteofpassageMulanmust gothrough,asGwendolynLimbach² argues,inordertobeintegrated withintheheterosexualmatrixofher societyandfinallyrecognisedasa woman. Aspartofamoviemadein1998fora mostly-Westernaudience,it’sobvious HonorToUsAll issupposedtomakeus sympathisewithMulanandviewthe traditionalgenderexpectationsplaced onherasbackwardsandstifling,even unnatural.In I’llMakeAManOutof You,thesoldiers(allmen,except Mulan)mustbe“made”men,oratleast anothertypeofmen,fromcoarse, undisciplinedindividualsintosleek, uniform,fightingmachines.Ina parodyoftheinspirationaltraining montagesofmovieslike Rocky,wesee thephysically-challengedmen comicallyfailatevery“manly”task giventothem,as“Beaman/Wemust beswiftasacoursingriver/Beaman /Withalltheforceofagreattyphoon” intonesinthebackground. WhenMulanfirstentersthecamp,her clumsyattemptstoembody masculinitybyactingasaswaggering loutendsindisaster.In I’llMakeAMan OutofYou,though,Mulanmakesher breakthrough.Aftershescalesthepole andretrievesthearrow,shebeginsto succeedathertraining,andinspires theothermentosucceedattheirs.Her focushasshiftedfrommerely survivingthephysicalordealand avoidingbeingfoundout,togenuinely wantingtoproveherselfandexcelasa
Welcometothestage:MyChildhoodTrauma (Source:Disney)
²Limbach,Gwendolyn.“‘YoutheMan,Well,Sorta’:GenderBinariesandLiminalityinMulan.” DiversityinDisneyFilms,editedbyJohnsonCheu,McFarland&Company,2013,pp.115-128.
excelasafighter.toproveherselfandgenuinelywantingfoundout,toavoidingbeingphysicalordealandsurvivingtheshiftedfrommerelyHerfocushas “ ”
fighter.Whenweseehergleefully outrunningtheothermenand triumphantlyshowingoffhercatch,it isherprideathavingfoundaspace whereshecandevelopherabilities anduseheringenuity,whichthe identitiesofatraditionalwomanand chest-beating,phlegm-spittingman didnotofferher.
Ofcourse,wecan’ttalkaboutqueer readingsofDisneymediawithout talkingaboutthequeerestsonginthe Disneyanimatedmusicalcanon(not you, LetItGo.)
17
³Dong,Lan.LegendandLegacyinChinaandtheUnitedStates.TempleUniversityPress, 2010
famousline(Lookatme/Iwillnever passforaperfectbride),toreferences tofamilyacceptance(ortheperfect daughter)andnotbeingabletoshow one’strueselftotheexternalworld (WhoisthatgirlIsee?),Reflection easilybecameatransanthem. Moregenerallythough,almostevery queerpersoncanrelatetoMulan’s frustrationsatbeingunabletomatch uptoherfamilyandsociety’s expectations,whilealsocovertly wishinganotherlifewaspossible.That desireismoreclearlyseeninthe original,longerversionofReflection, withlyricslike“Theywantadocile lamb/NooneknowswhoIam/Must therebeasecretme/I'mforcedto hide?” Inafanmadevideocombiningthe extendedsongwiththeassembled discardedstoryboards,weseeher showmoreangeranddesirefor freedomthantheoriginal,andwhileI loveit,Iunderstandwhyitwascut— afterthatsequence,Ihalf-expected Mulantorunawayfromhometo escapeherfate. Whilepowerful,theadditionalscenes seemtogiveawaytoomuchtooearly (I'lldiscoversomewaytobemyself/ Andtomakemyfamilyproud),plus straytoofarawayfromthesource material.Inthefinalversionofthe songfromourchildhoods,Mulanstill seesherselftrapped. Later,weseeMulan’sfathertryto comforther,pointingoutaflowerbud intheirgarden,“Butlook,thisone’s late.I’llbetthatwhenitblooms,it’llbe themostbeautifulofall.”Whilethis succeedsincheeringherup,his encouragementstillcontainsthe implicithopethatMulanwill eventuallysucceedinpassingthe matchmaker’stestandfitsociety’s mold.Hisoutburstof“Iknowmyplace! Itistimeyoulearnedyours”shows thatwhileheloveshisdaughter,he supports,orisatleastunwillingto defy,thesocietalrolesthatcondemn Mulantothematchmaker’s,andhimto thebattlefieldwherehewilllikelydie. Devastated,Mulanrunsoutintothe rain.(God,thismoviehadsomegood writing.Whathappened,Disney?)
MULANISACOMINGOUTSTORY
ThisdrivesMulantofinallybreakthe rules,ifnotforhersake,thenforher father’s.Shestealsoffintothenight,in adeviationfromtheoriginaltale, whereherfamilyusuallyagreestothe scheme.Theriftbetweenfatherand daughterisleftunresolved. TheMulanlegendhasaninteresting relationshiptorule-breaking.The earliestrecordedformofMulan, The BalladofMulan,datesbacktothe6th Riggamorris,girl. (Source:Twitter) Literallyalatebloomer. (Source:Disney)
LeaSalonga’sheartrendingrendition ofReflectionisMulan’s“IWant”song, originatedfrommusicaltheatre tradition,wherethecharacters expresstheirdissatisfactionwiththeir currentlifeandwhat...theywant(duh). Arielisboredwithlifeontheocean floorandwantstolearnabouthumans (andthehandsomedudeshejustran into).Bellewants“somuchmorethan thisprovinciallife”,outofhersmall village. Fromtheuseofthesociologicallyloadedterm“pass”inthesong’s
centurywhenitwasrecordedin
“ ” 18
Onlythen, towardtheballad’send,arewetold explicitlythatMulanhasbeen crossdressingtheentiretime,asshe “tookoffmybattlerobe/Putonmy olddress/FacingthewindowI combedmyhairintothecloud hairstyle/Hangingupmymirror, appliedmakeuptomyface.”Withthe riseofNeo-confucianism,the retellingsoflaterdynastiesfurther restricteditsmaincharacter,some removingtheEmperor’sofferof politicalpoweraltogether,andadding ontothestorytoendinmarriage.
couldbe?theircomingoutparent’sreactiontopersonwishestheirwhateveryqueerIsn’tthis
LimbacharguesthatDisney’s Mulan constrainstherebellionofthe disruptionofthegenderbinaryin similarwaystohowtheHan-Chinese retellingsdid(thoughonecouldargue theoriginalmythdidtoo)—shereturns hometobeanobedientdaughterand futurebride.Grandmother’spointed commentsthatMulan“shouldhave broughthomeaman”,andShang’s appearanceattheenddoessupport that Mulan ultimatelyreinforcesthata “happilyeverafter”ultimatelystarsa man. That’savalidreadingofthestory.ButI feellikeShang’sarrivalismorethe cherry-on-topmomenttothetrue conclusionofthefilm’sstoryarc, whichistheresolutionbetweenfather anddaughter.
Yuefu shiji,acollectionoffolktalesand writtenverses,andisgenerally believedtobeafolksongfromthe Tuoba-Wei(orNorthern-Wei)era, whenthenomadicTuobaXianbeiclan controlledNorthernChina.Scholars suchasSanpingChenhavearguedthat thepoem“reflectsthesteppewomen’s traditionallystrongsocialrole”,as womeninXianbeisocietywereskilled inarcheryandhorsebackridingand weregenerallymoreliberatedthan theircounterpartsinHanChinese society,thoughthereisnotmuch evidencetheyfrequentlyparticipated inwarfare.
Theballadshirksfromgoingtoofarin challengingthesocialorder,however; whentheKhagan(GreatKhanor Emperor)offerstomakeMulanahighrankingofficial,sheturnshimdown andreturnshome,andthetraditional socialorderisrestored.³
WhenMulanreturns,sheimmediately kneelsbeforeherfatherandoffershim theswordandmedalshereceived fromtheEmperor,symbolsofprestige andsociety’sapproval.InMulan’s mind,sheisstillthedaughterwho couldnotmatchuptowhatwas Yes,thisscenemademecry. (Source:Disney)
EachretellingofMulanhasaltered Mulan’smotivations,ethnicity,and evenpoliticalaffiliations(suchas havingherfighttheMongolsthat descendedfromTuoba)butthey cannoterasethetale’scentralelement ofcrossdressingandgender confusion.Fairytalesmayendup reproducingandsupportingthe existingsocialorderitissetin,butitis intheirfantastical,exceptional elementsofbreakingawayfromthe statusquotheyfindtheirlongevity. Cinderella’sappealisthatapoor, mistreatedpeasantgirlcanescapeher circumstancesandrisebeyondher rankinfeudaltimes,Mulan’sthata womancouldfulfiltheultimate
"Thehe-hare'sfeetgohop andskip, Theshe-hare'seyesare muddledandfuddled. Twoharesrunningsideby sideclosetotheground, HowcantheytellifIamhe orshe?"
expectedofher,whobroketherules andriskeddishonoringherfamily,for whichshemustseekpenance.Buther fathertossesthevaluableobjectsaside andembracesher.“Thegreatestgift andhonor,”hetellsher,“ishavingyou foradaughter.I’vemissedyou.” Aboveall,helovesher.Aboveall,he acceptsher(dareIreadintothislike that?).Hemaystillwanthertoget married,sure,butatthesametimehe issorryforevermakingherthinkhis lovewasconditional.Isn’tthiswhat everyqueerpersonwishestheir parent’sreactiontotheircomingout couldbe?
“masculine”functionofsoldier, indisputablyascapableasandequalto themeninapatriarchalsociety. Intheoriginalpoem,Mulan’sformer comradesvisitherandareamazed thatshewasabletohideheridentity fromthemthetwelveyearsthey foughtalongsideeachother.Mulan interrogatesthemen’sassumption thatthiswouldbehardtopulloff,with theballadconcludingwithherinfirstperson:
WhenIfirstreadtheselinesofthe ballad,Iwasremindedofmytimein primaryschool.Iremembered spendingrecessrunningaboutthe canteenandschoolfieldwithmy classmates,andhowovertheyears, theboysandgirlsgrewmore segregated.Eventuallythegirls stoppedrunningatall.Oh,tobean indistinguishablerabbitrunningina field! Disneytooktheinherent subversivenessandgender irreverenceoftheMulantaleand injectedahealthydoseofmodernplot aboutbeingone'sauthenticself. Theresultisprettydarnqueer.
(Source:Disney) 19
Giventhehistoricalcontext,itis impossibletosuggestthatMulan wouldbeabletoevademarriage forever.Sothefilmoffersheranother wayoutintheformofShang,someone whorespectsherforwhosheis,who won’tconstrainhertobeinga“perfect porcelaindoll”or“docilelamb”.The originallyconflictingforcesoffamily dutyandself-authenticityhavebeen reconciled. PerhapsMulan’sendingcanbe comparedtotheoutfitshewearsat theendofthefilm.It’snotthegaudy, hot-pinkmatchmakersoutfitthat symbolisescoercivefemininity(still can’tbelieveDisneymarketsitasher “Princess”outfitbutDisney’sgonna Disney,Iguess),orthewarrioroutfit shewearsinthearmy,putonoutof necessity.Itmostcloselyresembles hernormal,everydayclothingwesee herinearlierinthefilm.
CriticssuchasLauraMulvey,Barbara Creed,andCarolJ.Clover—knownfor theirtheoriesaboutthemalegazein film,themonstrousfeminine,and finalgirlsrespectively—havebecome famousfordevelopingtheorieson howfemininityisseenashorrifying bythephallocentric¹ order underpinningsomuchofmodern media.(Thisisn’tthedayforit,butthe wayIcouldtalkonandonabout femininityanditsperceivedhorrors asthesetheoristshavedefinedit…) Thefemalebodyandmindareoften madeintoasourceofterrorthatmust betamedandcontrolled,andwhen allowedtoroamfreelybecome,or attract,thedangerous.Yetoneaspect offemininitythathorrordoesn’t addressasoftenisrelationships betweenwomen—especiallythose thatveerdangerouslyinto homoeroticterritory.
Thehorrorgenrehasalwaysbeen heavilyinspiredbythefemale experience.Fromfemalepubertyand theresultingentranceintoadulthood Rosemary’sBaby,Psycho tofemalesexuality( practicallyeveryexperienceavailable hasbeentakenapart,scrutinised, deconstructed,metaphorised,andreconstructedforthehorrormovie audience.Andthishasn’tgone unnoticed.
(Carrie,GingerSnaps)tomotherhood (
Let’sfirstexplorewhythismightbe thecase.Onecommonmeasureof femalerepresentationinfilmsisthe Bechdel-Wallacetest,whichasksifa filmhastwofemalecharactersthat haveaconversationthatdoesn’t revolvearoundaman.Passingthetest isbynomeansaconclusiveindication ofhowwellwomenarerepresentedin thefilm;ratherthangivingthefinal
Teeth,CatPeople),
JenniferCheck(MeganFox)andAnita“Needy”Lesnicki(AmandaSeyfried) (Source: Indiewire) Yes. (Source: ScreenQueens) DesireandHorrorJennifer’sBisexuality: thedangerous.become,orattract,toroamfreelyandwhenallowedandcontrolled,thatmustbetamedsourceofterroroftenmadeintoabodyandmindareThefemale by Daemon Leong With special thanks to Andrew Kirkrose “ ”
¹ concerningthephallus,orthepenis,asasymbolofmaledominance suchashusbandsorsons. Normalisingmale-centricplots,asthe testpointsout,meansthat homoeroticrelationshipsbetween femalecharacters,independentof malefigures,arelargelyshunned,and thehomoeroticrelationshipsthatare
sayonwhetherafilmadheresto feministidealsornot(afterall,sexist contentcanstillexistindependentof theconversation’spresence),thetest highlightsthefactthatmany portrayalsofwomen,includingwithin thehorrorgenre,relyondevelopment thatrevolvesaroundmalefigures
ContentWarningblood,bodyhorror 20 Article
),from femalegrief(Hereditary,Midsommar)
presentedareusuallyheavily sexualisedforamaleaudience.
Buttimeschange.Attentionsshift. Andinrecentyears,oneprominent onscreenrelationshiphasfinally gainedthecredititdeserves;onethat completelyinvertsconventional gendertreatment,allowingfemale developmentandcomplexitytotake thelimelight,developedfromagenre builtondefyingtraditionalnorms.I’m talking,ofcourse,aboutthe relationshipbetweenJenniferCheck andAnita“Needy”Lesnicki,fromthe cultclassic Jennifer’sBody.(Spoiler alertsfromhereon.)
sexuality,andthehorrorgenre.
Snidelydescribedbyasidecharacter as“totallylesbigay”,Jenniferand Needy’srelationshipinhabitsa nuancedspace.Onthesurface,it existsasatoxicfriendship characterisedbymanipulationand mutualdependencethatultimately growsintosomethingresembling sexualdesire.Yetthisrelationshipis burdenedbyJennifer’ssexuality— possessedbyademonfollowinga botchedsacrificialritual,Jennifer
DISTANCEINDESIRE Inherbook ErostheBittersweet² , classicistandpoetAnneCarson chartsthehistoryoferos,orsensual love,asexploredinancientGreek writings.Acentralideaexploredin thebookisthedepictionoferotic longing,ordesire,asatriangle;the twolovers,orobjectsofmutual desire,arealwayskeptapartbyathird point,whichsustainstheirmutual desire.Indeed,Carson’sanalysisof Sappho’sFragment31(possiblyoneof Sappho’smostfamousworks, describingherloveforayoung woman),suggeststhaterosis “deferred…organizedarounda radiantabsence”—asCarsonnotes, theGreekword eros itself“denotes ‘want’,‘lack’,‘desireforthatwhichis missing’.”Inotherwords,inorderfor thedesirebetweentwoindividualsto bemaintained,anobstacle,orthe thirdpointofatriangle,mustbe present,tokeepthemapart. InJenniferandNeedy’srelationship,it isclearthatanobstacleexistsintheir mutuallonging.Isittheexternalforce ofcompulsoryheterosexuality, presentedthroughNeedy’sboyfriend ChipandJennifer’sbarrageofsuitors? Isittheinternalfearofburgeoning sexuality,seeninNeedy’smomentof gaypanicfollowingherkisswith Princeton,NewJersey:PrincetonUniversityPress.
desire.existenceisbuiltonQueer “ ” Meat3AMwhenI’mbored (Source: Magdalene) 21
Morethanthesimplepresentationof twofriendslockedinabattleover whetheroneofthemshouldbe allowedtoeatmenalive,thefilm takesanunconventionalstance, allowingroomforambiguityaround JenniferandNeedy’ssexualities withoutrestrictingthemthrough certainrolesanddefinitions,creating aspacefordiscoursesurroundingthe realitiesofqueerattraction.Let’s moveforwardbyexaminingthree waysthattheirrelationshipcanbe readthroughthelensofteenagehood,
²Carson,Anne.(1986). ErostheBittersweet:AnEssay.
findsthatsheneedstoeatpeopleto survive,androutinelyseducesboys intofollowingherintothewoods, whereshedevoursthem.Her attractivenessandperceivedinterest inboysisheavilyalludedto,butlater inthefilmJenniferisblatantlycoded asbisexual,allbutconfirmingitwith hericonicline,“Igobothways”. Needy’sstraightnessisheavily enforcedthroughmomentsofgay panicandherdesiretodefendChip, herboyfriend,fromthebisexualmanstealerJennifer. Butbothofthemareclearlyattracted toeachother,theirattractiongoing beyondsimplephysicaldesireorbicuriosity;their“sandboxlove”,as Needydescribesit,functionsona systemofcodependenceandtoxicity. (Andofcourse,ifyoudidn’tknow, theyshareakisslater.)
POSSESSIONASSELF-EXPRESSION It’salsopossibletoviewJennifer’s possessioninamannercontraryto thepreviouspoint;thepossession may,infact,allowJennifertobeless inhibitedandreallyactthewaythat shedesiresinsteadofconformingto theHotGirlrolethatsocietyhas imposedonher. Insteadofabsolvingherofblamefor heractions,herpossessioncouldbe saidtofreeherfromsocietal expectationsofheterosexualityand allowhertopursuehertruefeelings forNeedy. Ican’ttalkrightnow,I’mdoinghotgirlshit
(Source: Buzzfeed) HellISateenagegirl (Source: Gamespot) 22
Andit’sthisacknowledgementof desirethatactsasthelynchpinof JenniferandNeedy’srelationship. Theirmomentsofrelianceand toxicitycometoaheadwhenNeedy asksJennifer,“Youcouldhave anybodythatyouwant.SowhyChip? Isitjusttotickmeoff,orisitjust becauseyou’rejustreallyinsecure?”In threelines,Needysumsuptheir entirerelationship.She’sright, Jennifercanhaveanybody;except Needyherself.
POSSESSIONOVERCOMING REPRESSION
Jennifer?Maybeit’sboth,andmore. It’sclearthatthisobstacle,thisthird pointofthetriangle,mustexist—once theobstaclevanishes,andtheobjects ofmutualdesireareallowedtomeet eachother,theradiantabsenceis resolved,andintheresolutionofthis lack,desireisovercome.Andreally, whatisthepinnacleofqueerlovebut desire?Everysingleoneofusknows desireinitsvariousforms:thedesire tounderstandourdifferent sexualitiesandidentities,thedesire toembraceandbeembracedaswe are,thedesiretopresentourselves openlyandwithoutfear.Queer existenceisbuiltondesire.
Chipisbutoneobstacleinthe Jennifer-Needytriangle,presented andthendiscardedlikealltheother boysbeforehim.Jenniferdoesmake anattemptatcollapsingthetriangle byeliminatingChipfromthe equation,butgiventhenatureofthe triangle,therewillalwaysbeanother obstaclepresent,alwaysanother reasonforherandNeedytostay apart.Despitetheirhomoerotic desireforeachother,theycannever betogetherduetotheconstant paradeofexternalobstacles—andif theycan’tfindany,theywillmake theirown.
Wecouldalsolookatthedemon possessingJenniferasthesourceofa convenientexcuseforheractions. Possessionis,asfarasexcusesgo, prettywatertight;who’sgoingtocall youonyourbullshitifyouturnupto classonedayandtellyourprofessor “SorryIdidn’tfinishmyweekend assignment,Iwaspossessed,andthen Ihadtoscrubpeasoupoutofthebed andwalls”?Jennifer’spossession highlightsanintegralaspectof teenagehoodinherinabilityto controlherself.Sure,sheseduces boysandmakestheusualsnappy remarks,buttheweaponisingofher flagrantsexualityandherexpression ofbisexuality,thatcouldcertainlybe blamedonthepossessionitself. Let’snotforgetthehistoryofthe intersectionbetweensexualityand otherworldlybeings.Comingfroma religiousperspective,it’snot uncommontoseeexpressionsof “deviant”sexualityassignsofbeing possessedbythedevil.Andjustto proveit’snotastretch,Jenniferhas beenseenwearingacrossnecklace, signallingherreligiousalignment.The demonprovidesaconvenient scapegoatforJennifer’sactions, suggestingthat,ifnotforher possession,shewouldn’tbe overcomingherrepressedsexuality andutilisingitasatooltoseduceboys intotheforestwhereshecaneat them. Tothateffect,thegirlwe’vebeen watchingthroughoutthefilmisnot Jennifer,butratheraseparateentity pilotingherbody.Itisn’tJenniferwho lovesanddesiresNeedy,anditisn’t Jenniferwhokillsallthoseboys,only somethingthatlookslikeher. (Conveniently,thepossessionalso createsathirdpointintheJenniferNeedytriangle.)Needy’sdesireforher friendJenniferisnotthesameas demonJennifer’sdesireforNeedy, thuspreventingbothgirlsfromtruly unitingasoneintheirdesire.
MaybethisisthetrueJenniferwe’re seeing,theJenniferwhodoesn’thave todenyherselfinanyway,leadingher toembraceherdesireforNeedyas wellasenactingasymbolicrevenge againstthegeneralmalepopulace whoareresponsibleforestablishing herHotGirlrole.
powersattheendofthefilm,shealso gainsJennifer’sangerandlackofselfinhibition.Hersupernaturalstrength isn’ttherealpower;herrealpower liesinheranger.Needy,inher newfoundabilities,identifiestheroot ofJennifer’stormentasthemalecentricsocietywhichhasguided everyaspectofJennifer’slife,but mostsignificantlydictatedwhoshe canandcannotbeattractedto throughthedualpressuresof compulsoryheterosexualityand internalisedhomophobia.Thusthe triangleoftheirdesire,thethirdpoint presentintheomnipresent heterosexualitythatJenniferis expectedtoperform.Afterrealising herpowers,Needydecidesshemust seekrevengebyhuntingdowntheboy bandthatattemptedtosacrifice Jenniferinexchangeforfame,asthey areresponsibleforincitingthe hungerandtormentexperienced throughoutthefilm. Thisbringsusfullcircle(fulltriangle, ifyouwill),tothenormalised,malecentricworldthatJenniferandNeedy livein;weareremindedofthe sacrificialscene,ofthecallous,almost casualwaythatJennifer’slifeistraded forhertormentors’fame.Eventhe sacrificeitself,wheretheystabher withaBowieknife,isnotablyphallic innature.It’sironicthatit’sthisactof
maleentitlementthatgivesJennifer andNeedytheabilitytofightback.In aworldthatnormalisesmaledesire andispreparedto(metaphorically) sacrificewomenformalesuccess,the angerthatJenniferandNeedy experienceissymbolicoftheirability torecognisehowthissystemhas wrongedthem,incitingtheirdesireto takecontrolintotheirownhands. Horrorfilmslovetoplaywith expectationsanddeconstructnorms, and Jennifer’sBody isnoexception. ThefilmallowsJenniferandNeedyto navigatethatconfusingmazeof teenagehoodandqueerdesireintheir ownways,establishingpowerful discourseonlove,attraction,and society,thatdelvemuchdeeperinto thesubjectmaterialthanonemight expectitto.Eventhetitlecreatesa misleadingfocusonJennifer’s physicality,whenreallyitisJennifer’s mind,andheart,that’sleadingthe discussionhere.Andthepowertoact alsocomesdowntoJennifer,notany oftheboyswhofeelentitledtoher bodyfortheirownmeans.It’sfor thesereasonsthatI’mglad Jennifer’s Body gottheattentionitdeservedfor itswonderfullycomplexportrayalof queerdesireandteenagegirlhood. WeallowedirectorKarynKusamaan apology.
Similarly,whenNeedygainsJennifer’s
Doesthislook‘straight’toyou? (Source: Moviejawn) 23
Justas Jennifer’sBody subvertsand overcomesthetraditionsofhorrorby allowingitsfemaleleadstotake centrestageandexpressthemselves andtheirsexualitywithoutpandering toitsaudience,Jenniferovercomes theintenseregulatorystructuresof hersociety.Thismanifestsina numberofways,mostnotablytheway sheusesthemalegazeandher sexualitytoherbenefit(creatinga cycleofeatingmentomaintainher youthfulbeautywhichsheusesto seducemoremensoshecaneat them)andthewaysheexpressesher desireforNeedy,sinceshenolonger needstoconformtosocietal expectations.
Horror,asagenre,islargely preoccupiedwitharchetypes,both withestablishingthem(asisthecase withformulaicfilms,suchasthe slashersubgenre),andwith deconstructingandsubvertingthem.
JessiebyIllustration 24
nor is it two, nor is it you or me. it is a triangle collapsing, a body at its center, still smiling, still moving, still kissing and killing. hell is not a teenage girl, but lying next to her in the dark with no one between us. is knowing i could hold her hand, could push her down and hold her. is necessary space between her lips and my lips. on an atomic level, we have never touched. i am learning there are no demons in hell, only bodies with no reason to stay separate, beginning in one bed and ending in another. i could kiss her if only it wasn’t me. if i only had hell to pay. Hell is Not a Teenage Girl by Andrew for Jennifer’s Body and Eros the Bittersweet
25
This poem will appear in the upcoming anthology, EXHALE: an Anthology of Queer Singapore Voices, Volume 1: Poetry It is printed here with the kind permission of EXHALE’s editors.
Your boss, that one summer - she had a wife. I wasn’t there when she told you, don’t know how it landed in your chest, but I know how it felt in mine. The words her wife—my wife in the mouth of a woman—nothing could compare.
Reading Sappho on the page, we get it all wrong. These words were not created to be written, but sung. They exist most fully when they are given body through our bodies, brought alive in the air spinning from our teeth and tongues and lips. The true Sapphic fragment is not a shard of pottery or a scrap of papyrus, caught in the bindings of some mummified cat. (Though if you’re looking for records of the first lesbian’s material existence, there are worse places to start than the grave of a well-loved pet.)
01 Bonenfant (2010:78).
In the English-speaking world, we trace the origins of the word lesbian back to Sappho, who came from the island of Lesbos. We characterise her as a Greek lyric poet, and do not think of the lyre. Or when we do, we think of the instrument as static: strings painted in a state of permanent stasis, her hands stilled and her mouth close-lipped in a smile. The lyric in poetry has become emblematic of emotion expressed as beautifully as possible. We do not think of it as song.
Listening Queerly by Andrew 26
To rethink the lyric, think of the radio. What else do you call the words when you sing along? (What I’m trying to say is that Sappho was a rockstar, and you can’t convince me otherwise.)
Comparison was the wrong question anyway, but I didn’t know what else to ask. She was American, and old enough to be married. They both had short hair. Their favourite Tegan and Sara album was the same as mine. (The Con , 2007). I was so proud when you said that; like the years I spent trying to become a lesbian hadn’t gone to waste.
Anne Carson’s translation of Sappho’s fragment 147 reads, in its entirety, “someone will remember us/I say/even in another time” (2004:297). The moment of Sappho’s singing is long past what my ears can register, but my body—my body still knows. I can hear just enough to understand that it is true.
02 Carson translates a part of Sappho’s fragment 22 thus: “Because I prayed/this word:/I want” (2004:41). 03 “I was never a lesbian—I only loved Thelma Wood.” (O’Neal 1990:137)
… Queer is always listening out through the static…01
*
Barnes—that is, Djuna; who was never a lesbian, just loved Thelma 03; who wrote poetry so openly about sex between women that the censors overlooked it
*
No - the contemporary Sapphic fragment is short-nailed fingers setting guitar strings into motion, all these centuries later; is the gasp of the body that petitioning its want02; is the buzzing blood of every one of us who says “I love you. I remember you. I honour you”. It is the sound of our own voices as we speak ourselves into existence.
Monique Wittig, who wrote The Lesbian Body, also wrote in an essay What had there been in literature between Sappho and Barnes’s Ladies Almanack and Nightwood? Nothing. (1991:64)
a lesbian either, Djuna. But I suspect Monique had it right. * I did think I was a lesbian, when I was thirteen, or I wanted it to be a label that fit. I wanted a word that I could speak and feel shuddering in my bones; wanted something to make as much sense to my body as the moment I realised I could love a woman and the world opened up to me. For the sake of cultural immersion, I watched every episode of The L-Word (not recommended), and listened to some Tegan and Sara for good measure (recommended, even if you’re not having a crisis about your sexual identity). It was Christmas, and I hid myself in my room, safe under the blankets with my headphones on, the sound of my family’s holiday parties only faintly streaming through the closed door. They could never have heard it. Even if they had, they wouldn’t have had any idea what it meant.
completely04; who in this writing invoked the embodiment of those “short sharp modern/Babylonic cries” (Barnes I’m1915).not
04 See Barnes (1915). 05 Tegan and Sara (2007).
A hush in triplicate, before it all starts up again. Something hits bottom, rises before you know to miss it. Your re-sectioned heart knows only hemiola, finds its echo in the singer’s steady voice: Oh, and I’m feeling directionless, yes05 .
To speak queerly, to sing queerly, to listen queerly. These are modes of being that connect us, body and soul, to the moment both historical and present. The world has never stopped spinning, the current of movement set off by Sappho’s song thrilling through our universe still, waiting for us to quiet down enough to hear.
Illustration by al 27
The best part of The Con is the moment of silence between “Hop a Plane” and “Soil, Soil”. Just before: electric guitar with all the lights on, duple time holding heartbreak a hand’s breadth away. Something crackles in the dark but no one’s looking. Every note stings, salt pond drying out. Then everything stops.
In that moment of quiet, my whole body goes still. It is waiting, an experience I know well—that many queer peo ple know well. We are not, and have never been voiceless; have always been singing our selves into being. But it takes a while to learn to hear ourselves - to listen for our bodies’ truths.
28
Collated by Khairul Ameer isometimeswishicould take back the bad days, just so we’d have more time. i’d take back the minutes we spent in silence, refusing to communicate, too much anger and pride. i’d take back the days our routine, was simply too mundane for me wishing it was more fun. i’d take back the stupid arguments over people who don’t matter or the disagreements over tiny things. i’d take them all back and replace them, with a little more hugs a little more kisses, and a little more love but most times, i fordon’t.iwould never want to share every single human emotion or every raw moment of flaw with anybody else but you. 11.11 pm by Nadh. J.
Love with Courage by efydean when our eyes meet when our tongues compete and for when our love shall no longer be discreet they will finally admit defeat and for we will be complete
For my divine sisters and brothers by efydean and for we will try to shed a light on our lives and for we will fight knocking down whatever is in our sight and for we will tell the Saints that your deaths shall not be in vain and that your names will forever flow in our veins
29
A Life in Guilt by efydean how i could only imagine his soft fingers so delicately caressing upon my porcelain skin how i could only imagine his wide grin when i place my lips against his stubbled chin how i could only imagine to live a life full of intimacy ohandhow i could imagine “to live a life free of sin”
30
How They Love
Digital2018-2019photographs on archival paper Sizes Varying How They Love is a series of collaborative portraits of queer feminine individuals in Singapore that looks at how queerness is performed in the everyday. Set in a studio, participants are given various wedding props to choose from. Projected onto the background are their parents' wedding portraits. The series looks at gender constructs, love, and the process of identity formation, both an attempt to validate and visibilise these identities, as well as an inquiry into appearance and engagement.
31
32
Charmaine Poh works across photography, film, and performance to create spaces for narratives that often lie in the margins. Central to her practice is considering the performativity of the everyday, and the ways tenderness can be a form of resistance and rebuilding of worlds. Her practice often employs ethnographic methods in working with communities to establish processes of co-authorship and sharing.
***** 33
>Appointment Form
>Contact Form Counselling and Care Centre
An additional Women on Wednesdays hotline is available from 7pm to 10pm.
Brave Spaces Brave Spaces provides counselling for Singaporean women, with counsellors trained to be sensitive to intersectional identities, regardless of gender identity or sexual orientation. Alternatively, LBTQI women in crisis can use the Brave Helpline to receive safe and confidential support and assistance.
Samaritans of Singapore (SOS)
AWARE’s Women’s Care Centre provides professional counselling for women dealing with a variety of issues, including sexuality issues in a queer-affirming manner. You can call the Women’s Helpline to set up an appointment, find more information, or speak about a problem. Alternatively, an online written chat service and a call-back service have recently been implemented as an alternative to calling.
>Women’s Care Centre Online Chat and Call-Back Service
Heart Knocks Counselling Heart Knocks Counselling provides LGBTQI-friendly counselling services for individuals and couples. Phone counselling is also available for convenience and discretion. Students referred by Kaleidoscope can get $30 off their first three 60-minute sessions by quoting “Kaleidoscope” when making an appointment.
Oogachaga
>Whatsapp Counselling: +65 8592 0609 (Tuesday to Thursday, 7pm—10pm) (Saturday 2pm—5pm)
The Counselling and Care Centre is a queer-friendly nonprofit NGO which offers counselling for a variety of issues, including those pertaining to sexuality.
>SACC Whatsapp: +65 9781 4101 (Monday to Friday, 10am—7pm)
>Women’s Helpline: 1800 777 5555 (Monday to Friday, 10am to 6pm)
A leading centre for LGBTQ+ resources, Oogachaga offers counselling for LGBTQ+ clients (including couples and family members of LGBTQ+ individuals), guided by LGBTQ-affirming professional practices. They can also provide referrals to healthcare providers for trans clients. They also offer counselling options that let you seek help from home, such as through phone, Whatsapp, or email.
AWARE also runs the Sexual Assault Care Centre, which offers counselling through in-house sessions, support groups, and Whatsapp chat service.
>Hotline Counselling: +65 6226 2002 (Tuesday to Thursday, 7pm—10pm) (Saturday 2pm—5pm)
>SACC Helpline: +65 6779 0282 (Monday to Friday, 10am—10pm)
>Email Counselling form: oogachaga.com/email-counselling
>24-Hour Hotline: 1800 221 4444
>Counselling Request Form
>Brave Helpline: +65 8788 8817 (Monday to Friday, 10am—6pm)
Counselling Listicle 34
A Collection of Mental Health Resources for LGBTQ+ Students
Women’s Care Centre
>Women on Wednesdays hotline: +65 6226 6629 (Wednesday, 7pm—10pm)
The Greenhouse is a substance addiction recovery centre for marginalised communities, with a focus on providing a safe and supportive environment. They provide in-house professional counselling, peer support activities, and group chat, as well as referrals to other medical care.
The Greenhouse
A leading organisation in suicide prevention and crisis support, SOS offers specialist counselling for individuals in crisis or who have just experienced a loss through suicide. They also hold a support group for those affected by suicide, as well as hotline and email options for those in distress who require emotional support.
>Email Befriending: pat@sos.org.sg
PINK PAGES
Women’s Xchange Women’s Xchange holds support group sessions for LBTQ women every first Saturday of the month.
Peer counselling & support groups Alicia Community Centre Organised by the T Project, Alicia Community Centre provides peer counselling for transgender and genderqueer persons, conducted by professional counsellors.
The Bi+ Collective SG TBCSG is an online community space & collective platform for people under the bi+ umbrella. Besides organising offline events and meetups, they have a Telegram group chat for members to provide resources, support, and encouragement to one another.
Penawar Penawar holds peer-led support group sessions for Muslim-raised women and non-men, creating a safe and affirming space to work towards personal and community healing.
>NTU UWC Appointment Form
>Office No.: +65 6790 4462 (Monday to Thursday, 8.30am—5.45pm) (Friday 8.30am—5.15pm)
Psychiatric services
24HrHotlines 35
Lifeline SG Lifeline SG is a peer support group for GBQ men in recovery from drug addiction. Programs run on 8-week cycles, hold up to 12 participants per group and are free of charge.
On-Campus services NTU University Wellbeing Centre NTU has its own counselling services located conveniently next to Fullerton Health, free of charge for students and employees. Inter-University LGBT Network received a statement from NTU UWC that their “counsellors have gone through training in LGBT issues”, and one of our writers has had a positive and affirming experience with a counsellor. However, one’s needs and expectations may differ, and you should always feel safe and comfortable, so remember you have the right to request a different counsellor if one doesn’t suit you.
>IMH Mental Health Helpline: +65 6389 2222 (24-hour)
>National Care Hotline: 1800 202 6868 / +65 6202 6868 (24-hour)
Pink Carpet Y is a resource centre by gayhealth.sg, offering peer counselling for GBQ men below 25.
The IMH Gender Clinic conducts psychiatric assessments for people with gender dysphoria and provides referrals to endocrinologists for hormone therapy. Tip: Getting a referral to the clinic by a polyclinic GP would allow for subsidised fees for Singaporeans.
>After-Office Hours No.: +65 9721 1637 (for psychological emergencies) Helplines Besides the helplines mentioned above, here are some places you can call for immediate mental health support.
Jejaka Jejaka is a youth support group by SGRainbow held for GBQ Malay and/or Muslim men, aged 18 to 35 years old.
>Appointment Form Pink Carpet Y
The Healing Circle The Healing Circle provides a safe space for queer Muslims to embrace both their spirituality and sexual orientation by hosting weekly group wellness sessions with a professional counsellor.
>Singapore Association of Mental Health: 1800 283 7019 (Monday to Friday, 9am—6pm)
IMH Gender Clinic
CONTRIBUTING
Efydean (he/him) Efydean is a 3rd year student from Republic Polytechnic, graduating in 2021. Aside from that, he is currently pursuing his music passion in songwriting.
Nova (she/her) An aromantic bisexual, Nova is a fragrance connoisseur who likes the smell of coffee and bread best. Though she proclaims to be a coffee aficionado (who ironically shudders at the thought of drinking black coffee), the few things that Nova's friends can bear testament to is her love for anime, sunsets, and cats.
Nadh. J. (she/her) Nadh. J. is a full time Financial Advisor, part time dreamer. al (she/her) al is an Environmental Engineering student still in denial of her STEM major. She can be found drawing anything except free-body diagrams, chasing after the reluctant love of animals (Why are you running?!) and plotting her retirement to the mountains as a dark cottagecore witch. There will be crows and it will be great.
Andrew (he/him/his) ndrew Kirkrose Devadason (he/him/his) is a fourth year student majoring in Linguistics and Multilingual Studies, with a second major in English Literature and minors in Creative Writing and Gender and Diversity. He is a genderfucking bisexual transgender writer whose work has been published in journals including Cordite Poetry Review and PERVERSE. For more on his work, find him at andrewkirkrose.wordpress.com/
Khairul Ameer (he/she) Khairul Ameer is a film undergraduate in the School of Art, Design & Media of Nanyang Technological University who’s currently in the midst of writing his first feature film. His passion includes singing, tea and scrutinising ingredients in skincare products.
Kieran (she/her) Kieran is a masochistic mathematics student. If you can’t find her crying over maths, then you can find her contemplating her life trying to solve programming errors.
Alexandria she/her, sociology. i rlly like bread, i love watching movies, my coping mechanism is crying to taylor swift Aravind (he/him) Aravind is a Communication Studies student who has a lifelong obsession with reality TV and professional wrestling. He spends his days throwing shade and his nights burning scented candles. He is a devout believer that the short form for McDonald’s is ‘Mac’ not ‘Macs’ - no discussion needed.
ARTISTS 36
Dion Chan (he/him) Hi! I'm Dion Chan (he/him) and I have a degree in Sociology from NTU and a dissertation on cuddling which i feel is so underrated. Don't sit down and look pretty, fight for human rights with us!
CONTRIBUTING WRITERS
Abigail (she/her) Abigail is a tea-drinking, stray-cat-petting homosexual. You can find her walking feverishly between North and South Spine, slumped over her laptop half asleep, or making bead bracelets in an attempt to relive her childhood during quarantine. Daemon (they/them) Daemon is an English major who revels in being a loud, taking-up-space, fruity (derogatory) queer. Their dream is to be paid to talk about literature and films in the horror genre (they would have written a full essay if self-restraint had not been a concern). Right now, they’re probably huddled in a chair stress-drinking coffee.
Let's stay connected! :) @ntukaleidoscope t.me/NTUKaleidoscope NTUkaleidoscope
