dear the mother i never knew,

My name is Leila and I just wanted to say hello. Violeta Maria Fula is the name that you might actually know. You wrote me a letter about twenty-one years ago, giving reason to the realities as to why you had to let me go.

Eighteen.

Eighteen and Pregnant.

Eighteen, pregnant, and abused by the grandfather you lived with. Eighteen, pregnant, abused, and abandoned by the man you conceived with. Eighteen, pregnant, abused, abandoned and ostracized by the city you lived in. All justifiable reasons for finding another alternative more permanent solution.

But, you decided to spend nine whole months of your life. I often find myself asking why?

However, in that letter you wrote, you said and I quote, “I want to ensure her a chance at a better future.”

So, in that journey you found “Ayudame”. Spanish, which translates to “Help Me”. The orphanage you chose, built and designed to help find me a new home.

I have all sorts of questions about the pregnancy. First, what was it like to actually be pregnant with me? Did I make you sick in the early mornings? Did I make you feel intensely without any warning?

More importantly, do you ever just sit and think of that reality? Especially around that bittersweet anniversary. The first and last day of our meeting. The day when you named me.

I still have that sweater so soft and sky blue knitted with creative love and handmade by you. You thought I was a boy, I guess my masculinity was really shining through. Maybe as my birth mother that was something you already knew. So here's my letter thanking you for a second chance at life. I am attempting to do my best and making some strides. A senior in college, but ironically will not be graduating on time. Overall I’ll give the experience around four stars out of five.

After college who the hell really knows. My heart says travel and see where that will go. Anything I accomplish you deserve the credit too, because you showed me the love of a mother that I wish I knew.

PROVENZA karol g fighter saba ft. kaina

All the love, the daughter you slightly got to know

-Leila Ganim