The power of being still

By Matt Van Slyke, Correspondent, The Nugget Newspaper

If you’re kicking yourself for not kicking your new year into gear, don’t. One of the best things you can do for yourself is next to nothing at all. 

I have three kids. They are LOUD. Sometimes I can’t hear myself think. Even when I can hear myself think, I usually drown it out with a device. I turn on the TV or my phone: social media, music, podcasts — anything. 

Recently, I found myself in the lobby of a care center during a family member’s appointment.I was holding my infant daughter as she slept. There, in a rocking chair, with a sleeping baby, I reached for my phone. 

But why? I had a golden opportunity to savor some sweet silence. I kept the phone holstered and held my little one cheek-to-cheek. I closed my eyes and rode a moment of Zen for the better part of an hour. When it came time to snap back to reality, I thought, “Wow, I feel great!” 

What was that? Why don’t I do it more often? Why don’t we do it more often?I asked Erin Fourier, a Sisters-based therapist and licensed clinical social worker. 

“What you’ve not only described the action of, but then the result of, is a mindfulness practice or a meditative practice,” said Fourier. “Science tells us that it is exceptionally beneficial to the brain.” 

Fourier talks to her clients about working some sort of meditative practice into their day, though she finds that they often misunderstand what that entails. 

“People get really afraid when they think of meditation. They think of sitting in the Lotus position, but it doesn’t have to be that. It can be five minutes of just sitting in a quiet room, or even 30 seconds of keeping your mind clear — or trying to keep your mind clear — but not using that as an exercise to judge yourself,” she said. 

Simply put, “it’s using intention to quiet the mind,” Fourier says. 

There’s something about screens, social media, scrolling, and swiping that makes it infinitely more difficult to put down and walk away from digital devices. 

“We’ve become a society of instant gratification,” Fourier said. “We shop online; we can have it in a day. We buy a book online; we can have it accessible immediately. Music, movies... you don’t have to wait for anything anymore. We’ve kind of trained our brains that we should be able to entertain ourselves right away, and that we shouldn’t have to wait or quiet our minds.” 

Experts are finding it to be a detriment to youth, Fourier says, adding that adults are not modeling good digital behavior, either. Kids are complaining about parents on their screens. 

“I have heard kids speak to their parents, asking for changes in behavior that they are not also exhibiting, like ‘do as I say, not as I do.’ I think the word that I’ve heard the most from teenagers is ‘hypocrisy’ when parents are asking children to make changes, absolutely. They are watching you like a hawk, and the best thing you can do is make those changes yourself,” Fourier advises. 

She says making small changes, like walking, driving, vacuuming, or folding laundry sans digital distraction, goes a long way. 

“Anytime you make a change, it doesn’t necessarily have to be something that happens for the rest of your life. The important piece is that you’re doing it with intention. That’s how new habits are made. That’s how we kind of take back control over what electronics have taken from us.” 

We often go into the new year making big resolutions, but if they’re too big, they’re easy to put to the side. 

“Making small, achievable changes for yourself will help you maintain and then keep those habits in the long run, and I think that applies to using your electronics and screen time as well,” Fourier said.